Since there are those who haven’t read any of this book before, who might read a chapter from time to time, I feel that I need to explain that this isn’t written like a novel. You will find it to be a series of different incidents or memories from a particular time period. You may find the flow of the material may change every paragraph or so. Sometimes I use dialogue to move the story along, but not that often because the whole memoir is being written as though it is spoken aloud to my husband who is deceased.

New readers seem to feel that I’m moving around too much, and that the story should be one theme throughout. I have written stories about some of these things in more depth, but for this particular book, it is not my purpose to go deeply into any one thing.
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As was our custom, we visited our parents for most holidays. Your mother had us over for a big meal on Thanksgiving Day. She wanted all of her children there for these occasions, so there was always a large group around the table. This year, all of your siblings and their families were there except for Nan, Richard, and Richard's father, who they lived with them in Gulfport. They planned to wait and come for Christmas.
 
We had Friday off as well. We went back to my house and spent some time hiking in the woods on Friday. Dad owned the land which he'd inheired when Grandpa died. He went with us, and we chopped down a cedar tree for Mom to decorate. On Sunday, Mom had her Thanksgiving meal. We left around three in the afternoon, going back to Jackson. I was anxious to finish painting the two large plywood panels for Carol's school. The school wanted to have them up the first week in December. I had yet to start the one for the construction company that matched the Christmas card which I'd designed earlier. By spending every spare moment into the wee hours of  the next few mornings, I was able to get everything finished on time. The house reeked of fresh paint fumes long after I’d packed away the paint.
 
Since there was so much to be done before the year ended, I decided we should order as much as possible from a catalog. We all picked things we wanted. and got the order off several weeks before Christmas.

Shopping intimidated you. I’m sure part of your reluctance to shop was due to what happened a couple of years earlier when you waited until the last minute to shop for my Christmas gift. When you finally went out on Christmas Eve, you were only gone a little while, and you came back with a pair of gray suede house-shoes in a paper bag. Because I had agonized over my gift for you, my disappointment was evident. Later, I was ashamed of my reaction. I wore those shoes for years, and they were the best house-shoes I ever had. Nevertheless, that was the last time you shopped willingly.
 
The gifts the children would get on Christmas morning were hidden until we could load them into the car trunk to take to Mom’s house. We always spent Christmas Eve at Mom and Dad's house and opened family presents on that night. Some of the children’s presents required assembly, so we were up most of the night getting those things together. The next morning was for the children. After a late breakfast, we would go to your parents where your family was gathered for the main dinner.
 
Nan's husband, Richard, was someone that many in your family found to be a problem. You and I got along fine with him, but with Wayne, Maxine’s husband, it was a different story. He and Richard had clashed from the day they met. Richard was completely without tact and something of a know-it-all.
 
Joe, Helen’s husband, never honored the family with his presence on Christmas. I’m not sure what his problem was. He brought Helen and Jimmy and dropped them off, since Helen didn’t drive. Then he would do his own thing. He had bought a vintage airplane and he'd rebuilt it. Sometimes on Christmas Day, Joe would fly over and buzz the house where we were enjoying our meal.

On this particular Christmas, we were late getting off to go to your folk's house for the meal. Maxine, Wayne, and their two sons and Nan, Richard, and his father, Mr. Glaczier, were all there for lunch. To make matters worse, both Wayne and Richard were severely diabetic. Neither were in good condition when their blood sugar levels dropped, and they needed food. The meal may have been late that day, because they were waiting to see if we were coming. At any rate, they decided to go ahead and start dinner without us. Since there was such a large group, the food had to be served buffet style. Wayne got in line first to fix the boy's plates. Richard said something negative about his pushing ahead of everyone, and Wayne growled an insult in return, and a shoving match started. Wayne's glasses got broken, and Richard threw a plate against the wall.
 
When we arrived, it was over, but everyone was in shock. Richard and Wayne had both gotten in their cars and left. No one had eaten a bite. Your sister, Helen was about to have a stroke, and your dad was having an emphysema attack. The children were all crying.  Mr. Glaczier sat in stunned silence, embarrassed over his son's display. Chuck, Maxine and Wayne's youngest son, had nightmares when he got back home and had to have counseling afterward. We were glad we had missed it. It was the last time Richard and Wayne were ever in a room together. 
 
After a troubling end to 1967, the new year started off on a better note for us. For the nation, it was a year of social change. Some historians argue, the nation reinvented itself and became a more-tolerant, less-constrained place, more willing to let people express their individuality and challenge authority. It was a year for hippies and flower children, but for our family, we were more interested in keeping our jobs and raising our children than we were in what might be happening in California and rest of the world.
 
Carol's seat-mate in school was a boy who was a thalidomide child. He was born with no arms, but according to Carol, it didn't bother him at all.  He was the class clown and was very poplar with his classmates. This wasn't the case for one of the girls in her class. There is always someone who gets picked on, and it is hard to make sure your child isn't one of the bullies.

Carol turned seven in February, and I gave her a birthday party and invited the all of the first grade girls in her class. She gave me problems over this girl, whom she didn't want to invite because her classmates claimed she had "cooties". I made sure the child received an invitation in spite of the objections, but she chose not to come. The girls who did attend taught me some things. I learned from this experience, to never again, give fifteen six-year-olds bottles of bubble goo at a inside party. I also learned blindfolding kids and giving them a stick to hit a pinata isn't such a smart idea either.
 
When Easter came, along with candy eggs, each of our three got a pastel colored baby chick. Surprisingly, they survived to grow up and learn to crow. They were all roosters. When they became yard chickens, their life spans shortened considerably. We had a German Shepard named Grendal, that seemed okay with his new yard-mates as long as we were around, but, one by one, the chickens disappeared.  We were at a loss to know what happened, until we saw a couple of fresh mounds of earth. Our canine companion was a murderer who buried the evidence. I think the neighbors were relieved that cock-a-doodle-dos were silenced.
 
In May, we both had some vacation time coming, and you decided it was time to try out your truck on the open road using our camper shell. It wasn’t quite time for school to be out for the summer, so we had to take Carol out for a week. The teacher wasn’t happy, but Carol was fine with the idea. We decided to travel out West as far as Colorado. You surprised me by suggesting we invite my mother to go along. You said, “She never gets to go anywhere, and I think she’d enjoy the trip. She can ride in the back with the children, and you can sit up in the cab with me.”
 
That sounded like a good idea at the time. I didn’t want to spend all my time in the back with the kids. We asked Mom, and she was thrilled with the idea. She suggested we put a double mattress in the back so everyone could lie down. Since we couldn’t really afford an expensive trip, we’d decided to make this a camping trip. We had tents and other camping equipment.
 
With all that and the ton of food Mom brought, plus our suitcases, our truck was packed to the max. With everything carefully placed, there was just enough room for Mom and three kids in the back. You placed your pistol in the glove compartment just in case we might need it for something. The plan was to be gone only a week. We left late Saturday evening with the intention of taking turns driving all night. Mom and the kids would sleep that first night in the back as we traveled.
 
Of course, things seldom go smoothly for us. We’d made it as far as Monroe, Louisiana when we had a flat tire. There were no cell phones, which meant we had to get to a place where a phone would be within walking distance. In the process of driving with a flat tire, we further damaged the wheel. It was Sunday and no one was working, so in the end, we had to get a motel room and spend the rest of the day and night there. It was Monday morning before we were on our way once more.
 
With the wheel repaired and a new tire, we started again. The children were tired of traveling already. The neat bed Mother had made in the back of the pickup looked like it had gone through a hurricane. I'm sure we must have looked like the Clampetts from the Beverly Hillbillies or maybe the Joad family from Steinbeck’s Grapes of Wrath.
 
You were ready for breakfast and coffee, so we stopped at a restaurant. The children weren’t hungry, because they had been into all the snack food Mother had packed. We seldom ate out when we were home, so my children weren't used to restaurants. It’s a wonder we didn’t get thrown out. We couldn’t enjoy breakfast for trying to control them. I was embarrassed because, Don, especially, was on a sugar high and hard to subdue.
 
You paid for all of our breakfast orders, but Mom wanted to pay her own way. In order to feel she was contributing, she stopped by an Ice cream counter and bought ice cream cones for everyone. This was a mistake, because we’d just eaten breakfast, and no one wanted ice cream. Poor Mom! She got back into the truck trying to figure our what to do with six ice cream cones that she couldn’t give away.
 
We took the children up front with us, so she could try to straighten the covers in the back. I promised her I’d take the children in the back with me at the next stop, so she could sit up front for a while. This trip was just beginning and already we were wondering if we had lost our minds for thinking this was a good idea. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents;

We were beginning to have serious misgivings as to the wisdom of taking a week-long trip with so many of us in a pickup truck. All of our children were still so young. The twins were five and were easily bored and needed constant stimulation. Even on short trips their patience level was practically non-existent. To coop them up in a small space like the packed bed of a pickup with no air-conditioning and expect them to enjoy hours of traveling across the most boring scenery in the US was unreasonable, to say the least.

When we left the restaurant where we had breakfast, we took the children in the front with us to give Mother an opportunity to try to tidy up the bed area in the back and figure out what to do with the six ice cream cones that no one wanted. She realized now how bad her timing was in buying ice cream right after breakfast, but Mother was not one to waste food. She ended up dumping the ice cream from the cones into a thermos of lemonade. I think this concoction was actually a hit later in the day.

We were now traveling through the Texas panhandle. No offense to Texans, who considered their domain to be the biggest and best of all the states until Alaska demoted them in 1959, but I wasn’t impressed with this desert-like country. We weren’t traveling on an interstate, and we drove for miles and miles without seeing anything of interest. This part of Texas was flat and dusty. It was windy and tiny dust devils were spinning like miniature tonadoes in every direction. Once in a while we spotted a Jack-rabbit or roadrunner, and there were plenty of dead armadillos. Although there wasn’t much traffic, road kill dotted the highway. There was an occasional ranch where longhorn cattle were roaming around.

After we stopped for lunch at a little greasy spoon, the kids and I took our turn in the back and let Mom sit up front to rest her back. I played games with the kids for a while and read to them hoping they would take a nap, but no such luck. Towns were few and far between. We’d hoped to find a nice state park where we could camp for the night. If we stopped early enough the kids could get out and get some exercise.

After a couple of hours, I took my turn driving and you went to the back with the kids. You’d hoped to stretch out on the mattress for a nap, but the children saw to it that didn’t happen. Later in the evening, it became apparent we weren’t going to find a place for another meal, and we started looking for a place to pull over and have a late picnic. We finally got through Texas and into New Mexico. Unfortunately, the northeast corner of that state was as desolate as Texas.

Finally we saw a roadside park with a few picnic tables, and several cars had pulled over. This was as good as it was going to get. We stopped and everyone got out and stretched. Mom and I pulled a plastic tablecloth across one of the tables and began putting out our food.

After we ate, you and I got out the road maps and pored over them trying to decide what to do for the night. We realized there were no state parks for camping nor towns large enough to have motel accommodation for miles. This was not the kind of place to pitch tents, but it seemed our only choice would be to stay here through the night and sleep inside the truck. We decided that you and I and the children would sleep in the back, and Mom could stretch out across the front seat of the cab with her sleeping bag.

The sun was setting, and most of the cars were starting to pack up and drive away, when a beat-up old clunker pulled in and parked near one of the far tables. Three seedy-looking men got out and began a raunchy conversation. They were loud and obviously drunk. They kept looking in our direction. Eventually, much to our relief, they pulled away. Their muffler was busted and sounded as though it was dragging. As we began to prepare for the night, the last two cars in the roadside park pulled away, and we were left alone. 
 
You decided we should lock the truck for the night. The only way to lock the camper part was from the outside. You got your pistol from the glove compartment. It was concealed in a paper bag so the children wouldn't see it.  You had Mother lock us in, and then lock herself into the cab. We all stretched out as best we could on the mattress hoping to somehow get a little rest. The children eventually settled down and fell asleep, but you and I couldn’t seem to find a comfortable position. It was crowded and stuffy in spite of a little ventilation from some of the louvered side windows. We could see Mother in the front seat, but there was no way to get her attention. The camper shell had a thick pane of glass and the truck had a thick pane, but there was about four inches of air between the two panes. We’d not been locked in long, when we realized that this wasn’t a good idea. If any one of us needed a bathroom break in the night, it wouldn’t be possible to get out. 

As the evening wore on, you kept turning the flashlight on to check your watch. It was shaping up to be a long night. We felt imprisoned. It was a little after two a.m. when we heard the unmistakable sound of the vehicle with the dragging muffler drive back into the roadside park. Why on earth were they returning? Were they planning to rob us? What would we do if they approached us? You turned on the flashlight and tried to shine it through Mom’s window.  We began pounding on the glass to get her attention. She didn’t seem aware that we were trying to alert her, but we could tell she was awake and as alarmed as we were.

What happened next shocked us. You had left the truck key with mom, but she didn’t know how to drive our truck, which had a standard transmission with a stick shift. Still she had the key in the ignition and was trying her best. The motor would grind, jump forward and then die. Again and again, she kept doing this. I could only imagine what the rough characters, who we could see moving around in the moonlight, must think was happening. Whatever they thought or had been planning, we would never find out. They hurriedly got back into their car and took off at a far greater rate of speed than when they had entered the area. We didn’t even try to sleep the rest of the night. At the first light, Mom came back and unlocked the camper, and informed us that she had saved our lives.

”You know those men were up to no good. We'd all be dead if it wasn't for me. I saved our lives last night,” she told us.

We didn’t argue. You took the key and got in the driver's seat. Mom and I stayed up front with you and we left the children, who had slept through the whole thing, still sleeping. We got back on the highway and drove away. About thirty miles further, we saw signs for an extinct volcano crater. We drove up to the rim where we found more picnic tables. The sun was coming up, and the scenery was beautiful. We stopped the car and woke the children for breakfast.

We couldn’t prove a connection, but a week later when we got back home and read our newspaper, we learned that some escaped convicts had gone on a killing spree across the West and left a family murdered and robbed at a roadside park.

From that point on, our vacation improved. That morning, we spent several hours walking around the rim of the volcano crater and getting some much needed exercise. We went on to Colorado Springs and toured the Air Force academy and chapel. We also visited the Garden of God with its amazing rock formations.

We went to the top of Pike’s Peak where the snow was still deep. It was the first day the road to the top was opened.  That was a little scary, because the change in the atmospheric pressure got to Mom, and she thought she was having a heart attack.  Thankfully, she improved as we came down the mountain.

To make the trip worthwhile for the kids, we spent a day in a SantaLand amusement park. This was a highlight for them, and they all had to have souvenirs from there.  Mother's favorite place to buy souvenirs was a pottery barn.

After that night at the roadside park, we gave up on the camping idea. For the remainder of the trip, we stayed in nice motels and had our meals in family restaurants.

On the return trip, we skipped Texas. We came home through Kansas, Oklahoma and Arkansas. In Kansas, we visited Dodge City, with its turn of the century saloon and museum. We walked the street which was the set of Gunsmoke the TV series and watched a wild west shoot out with actors. We took pictures and read the funny epitaphs on the graves at the Boot Hill cemetery.

We went through Oklahoma City and Little Rock. I was a little disappointed that we didn't go through the Ozark Mountains in Arkansas, but you said we'd save those mountains for another trip. They couldn't compare with the Rockies. Time was running out, and we'd need to rest up before going back to work.

By the time we returned to Jackson, we were exhausted and decided one week had been enough. It was a week none of us would soon forget. 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents; Pays 10 points and 90 member cents.

Chapter 39
School Days and Work Relations

By BethShelby

In the fall of 1968, all of our children were in school. Carol was in second grade, and the twins were in first. The twins started school at age five, and since there was no preschool, they weren't as prepared as Carol had been when she started. If their birthdays had been in January instead of December, they would have had to wait another year. One of our neighbor ladies looked after our children before and after school. 
 
Christi was cute and tiny, and the older children liked playing with her. She was a quiet child who could spend hours playing with Barbie dolls. She was a mommy’s girl and had seized on the roll of being the baby in the family in spite of being the same age as her brother. She was able to learn fast and hold facts. She liked school and enjoyed the attention she got from other children.
 
Don didn’t seem to mind that Christi had the role of the baby. He was always busy doing something and was curious and creative, but he had a very short attention span and had trouble concentrating. If he’d gone to school a few years later, he would have likely been on Ritalin, because I’m sure he would have been classed as hyperactive. Carol was smart and placed with the top achievers in her grade. When I looked at their school work, Carol's and Christi's papers were always neatly folded, but Don’s work was squished into a ball and stuffed into his pocket.
 
The neighbor children walked to school in the mornings and afternoon. They couldn’t go straight from the back of our lot, because the area was now fenced so they had to walk around by the street. Some of the older neighborhood boys liked to pick on the little ones. One of the favorite insults they yelled at first graders like Don was “Retard!” Don had no idea what that meant, so it didn't bother him.
 
After a couple of months in school, there was an award ceremony for the children. I didn’t know about it, so I didn’t attend. After school, Don borrowed the neighbor’s phone and called me at work. He was excited to tell me about his day.
 
“Mom, guess what? I got called up on the stage today, and they gave me an award. It’s on paper.”
 
Puzzled I asked, “Really? What kind of award?"

“I don’t know. You can read it when you get home. It’s something about me being retarded.”
 
”What? It better not say that. You’re not retarded. Are you sure that’s what it says?”
 
“Well I can’t read it, but they said something like that when I was up there.”
 
I had trouble finishing my day. When I got home I wanted to see his award certificate right away. What I read was,  `Congratulations, Donald Shelby had not been absent or tardy this year.'  Retard and tardy. Okay that explains it. Now I don’t have to go have a talk with the principal.
 
Not long after that our son informed us that he had a girl friend.
 
“Really?” I said. “Tell me about this girl.  What is she like?”
 
“Her name’s Angela, and she’s really pretty, except her roots show a little.”
 
“Her roots?” Are you telling me a six year old has dyed hair?”
 
“On no. Not her hair. I’m talking about those tiny little blue roots in her neck.”
 
We got a good chuckle out of that. Apparently this girl had fair skin on her neck revealing a few tiny blue veins.
 
Another incident that made my life as a parent more complicated was the day Christi handed me a printout from the teacher.  The message was, `Don’t forget, tomorrow is our school play. Make sure your children wear their costumes to school, and they have their lines committed to memory. Parents should be seated in the auditorium by 1:15 p.m.'
 
“School Play? What school play? This is the first I’ve heard about a school play,” I said.
 
“Oh, I thought you knew." Christi informed me. “Don and I are Jack and Jill.”
 
“You’ve got to be kidding me. I’m just finding this out, and you are supposed to have costumes by tomorrow?”
 
I picked up the phone and called their teacher. She assured me that she had sent out notices over three weeks ago. “Just make sure they know the poem, and have them dressed like children of the turn of the century. They’ll need to bring a bucket. You know Jack and Jill were carrying a pail of water when they fell down the hill.”
  
This meant I had to go shopping and find something I could turn into costumes. Christi had a cute little blue dress. I used a lacy kitchen curtain to construct an apron to go over it. I bought Don a pair of blue short pants that matched the dress and a blue girls shirt with large sailor collar and then I found a big yellow sand bucket. They actually looked like storybook characters. I took off work to attend the play, much to my boss’s displeasure. After all that stress, I found my kids were among the few whose parents had actually bothered to put a costume together.
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At work, our company was getting a lot of magazines, fliers and brochures which required more and more four-color-process work and precision registration. Because Robert had chosen to discard the use of the more stable masking material for our negatives, no matter how carefully we matched the negatives for each color on the light table, the paper masking sheet would stretch or shrink causing the dots not to register properly. As a result the printed photographs would come out blurred. It was driving the pressmen nuts having to have more and more of the aluminum plates remade. The blame always fell back on the stripping department, even though that wasn’t where the problem lay.
 
Another stripper in our department had quit, and Robert hired a woman to work in the department with me. Mavis and I got along great in the beginning. I trained her to do the work, and unlike the men I had trained, I was making more money than she was. This time, like when I worked with the gay guy, I didn’t have to worry about dealing with an angry wife.  However, I had forgotten just how petty women can be. I could tell she was miffed when the salesmen and customers were always sent to me when anything of importance was discussed.
 
One day Robert came in and told me the company had decided to send me to a printing school in Nashville for two weeks. They would put me up in a nice hotel and pay all my expenses. He hoped I would learn the skills needed to keep us from having so many registration problems with our color jobs. When I learned the classes were only four hours a day with no homework, I was delighted. Nashville sounded like a dream vacation to me. Right away my co-worker, Mavis, became offended and refused to talk to me. She was apparently jealous that she wasn’t the one being sent away to school. I dealt with it the best I could, but no matter what I did, she remained distant and abrupt.
 
When I told you about the trip, you were concerned about me traveling alone and suggested that I take my mother with me. I thought about it and asked my boss if he minded as long as I took care of the additional expense. Once again, Mother was thrilled with the idea of going anywhere. This would be an easier trip for her than the one to Colorado.
 
Since the children were in school, you would have the responsibility of being home when they were and caring for all their needs. You and I had seldom been apart, and you dreaded me leaving. I would take the Chevrolet and drive the four hours to Nashville. Mother and I would leave on Sunday. 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents;

Chapter 40
Nashville

By BethShelby

Mother and I left on Sunday heading for the Hotel and Printing Institute in Nashville where the company was sending me for two weeks. You and the children had bid me a dreaded good-bye, but you were relieved Mother would be traveling with me. With the one exception when I’d stayed in the college dorm for two weeks, this was the first time you and I would be separated in our twelve years of marriage.
 
When we got to Nashville and found our hotel we were very pleased with the accommodations. It was an older but very elegant hotel near Vanderbilt University and a few blocks from the Parthenon on a lovely tree lined street. Mom had brought plenty of reading material and knitting to keep herself busy while I was taking the printing courses.
 
I had a map of Nashville and was able to locate the Printing Institute. I had to be in class at 8:30 on Monday, and I arrived not having any idea of what to expect. I was shocked to see only a couple of cars there. A few more cars arrived, and it was soon evident that the others, like me, didn’t know what to expect either. Eventually we found a main door and went inside. A middle aged man greeted us and said that he was our instructor. He took us into a conference room and seated us around a big table.
 
There were only six students. The instructor told us the classes are kept small so there can be plenty of individual instruction. I was the only female there. The men's ages ranged from twenty to fifty-five. The teacher gave us a notebook and a pen and had us introduce ourselves and tell something about the company where we worked. There was only one other student from the South. Two were from Michigan, one was from Ohio and one was from New York. The other Southerner was the youngest of the group, and he was from Georgia.
 
Eventually, the teacher took us into the main area and assigned us each a light table and T-Square, triangles, Exact-o knives, magnifying glasses, rulers and other tools we would be working with. He showed us the drawers where our masking sheets and metal plates were located and familiarized us with the graphic-arts camera and the plate burners. He said we would work for four hours a day. The first week we would be there eight a.m. to twelve noon, and the second week we were to come in at two p.m. and work until six p.m.
 
I was happy that this schedule would leave us plenty of free time to explore the Nashville area. None of the others were booked at my hotel. After about two hours, the teacher dismissed us and told us to be back at eight on Tuesday morning ready to work. When I returned to the hotel, I found Mom in the lobby reading. I picked up some tourist brochures and told her we were free to go and see what this city had to offer. I was on an expense account for food, and as long as I kept up with my expenses, I would be reimbursed.
 
That afternoon, we drove around the city to get a feel for the layout, and then, we drove down our street a couple of blocks and explored the Parthenon. Nashville is nicknamed The Athens of the South. In 1897 for the bicentennial event, the Parthenon was constructed as a centerpiece for the celebration. It is an exact replica of the original in Greece. It’s located in the lovely landscaped Centennial Park. We walked through to see art work from local artists and the art of school children which were on display. Much work has been done on it since we were there. Now, it is an art museum displaying some large sculptures and wonderful art displays from all over the world.
 
I called you that first night and every night thereafter. It was apparent that I was missed, and you hoped the time would pass quickly. You were coping, but you hated me being away. I missed you and the children, but I was probably having more fun than you were.
 
The classes were intense, but I was learning a lot. I understood now why it was so hard for us to get the color registration right. We needed a pen register system, and we needed to be using the vinyl masking sheets and heavy clear plastic stabilizer sheets. I also realized this was not going to be something Robert wanted to hear. He would be sure to balk at the additional expenses that would be incurred in buying these materials. He needed to realize that if we got it right the first time, it would save time and money remaking the aluminum plates. It was good to know the fact that we weren’t getting perfect color registration was not my fault.
 
One other thing which I learned that I was sure Robert wouldn’t like was that I was being grossly underpaid for the work that I was doing. I understood the wages in the South are lower than in Eastern states, but surely not four times lower.
 
The guys in the class all treated me with respect and as an equal. There was no touching or sexually suggestive language that I had become accustomed to hearing from my co-workers and often clients and salesmen. I started to wonder if what I’d experienced in the past was a Southern problem.
 
With so much free time and no work to do outside of class, Mother and I got a chance to do a lot of exploring. We had never been to Nashville before, and it seemed to have a lot to offer. There were formal gardens, arboretums , historic cemeteries and a planetarium. The latter was especially interesting because neither of us had been in one before.
 
Nashville was known as the country music capital, so of course, we had to go down on Music Row and take in some of the recording studios and see where Elvis got his start. On Saturday night we went to the famous Ryman Auditorium which was the original home of The Grand Ole Opry.
 
One afternoon, we visited The Hermitage, the home of Andrew Jackson. Inside the mansion, the rooms were set up and decorated as they were during the time of Jackson. The kitchen was separate from the house, as many kitchens were in plantation homes built in those days. It was to keep the house from being overheated during Summer months and also because it was less likely that fire might get out and destroy the home. The grounds were covered with massive old oaks which were likely around at the time Jackson lived there.
 
We also drove on some of the parkways into the hill country and visited a few outlying towns and a school where a friend of Mother's worked. Mom and I got along better than we had in years. We were both having too much fun to argue.
 
We timed it right the day we decided to visit the State Capital. We went into the legislative chamber, and it happened to be a day in which the famous singer at the time,Tennessee Ernie Ford, was making a guest appearance. After he performed, a guard told us that if we wanted to get a picture of him as he was leaving, we should go to a certain exit. I had my camera ready to snap a picture as he got into a car with his aides. He happened to see us, and he said, "No, wait. Let me come up there.” He was unbelievably gracious. He put his arm around me and had one of his aides take a picture of us.
 
Every day, we found something interesting to do. I know Mother enjoyed this trip better than the one in which she spent time in the back of the pickup truck on our misadventure to Colorado.
 
On the second week at the school, since we were having evening classes rather than morning, it was nearly dark when we finished each day. On the next to the last night, we got a shock when a brick came hurling through a window of the old building, and broken glass scattered over the floor. This is when I realized we weren’t in a prime location, and there was some problems with local hoodlums. Our instructor decided the final class would dismiss earlier in the evening. We were given our diplomas the next day, as well as some of the furnished tools and text printouts. We were allowed to take home the color proofs of the work we’d done while there.
 
Mother and I left Nashville going back to Jackson the following morning. I had gifts for you and all of the children. I had spent quite a bit of money getting each of the children something I thought they would enjoy.
 
It was gratifying to know that I had been so missed, because I got a very loving welcome from everyone. You seemed especially happy to have me back home. I was shocked to find that you had missed me so much, you’d actually written me a love poem. This was a first, because it wasn’t your nature to be so sentimental. It was something I would treasure forever.
 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents;

Chapter 41
Live-Style Changes In the Making

By BethShelby

When I returned to work the Monday after my trip to Nashville, I found the stripping department to be behind with work. It seemed very little had been accomplished with me away. Now, there was so much demand on my time that I didn’t get a chance to go over what I really needed to tell Robert. He came in briefly and asked if I had learned much. I told him that I had, and we needed to talk. I wanted to explain that there was no way we could ever get perfect registration on color process work while we were using the cheap paper masking sheets.

Robert wasn’t interested in hearing that he would have to purchase a better grade of material. He expected me to make things better just by having gone to school for two weeks. I found it very discouraging that he wasn’t interested in my advice about going to a better system. I’d bought some metal stabilizing pins with my own money, and I’d started using them. They made the registration a little better, but didn’t completely clear up the problem with the shrinking and expanding of the paper due to temperature changes.

The girl I’d been working with in the stripping department, who had resented my being sent to Nashville, had quit while I was away. Now, there was a new guy, who was a part-time musician, working in the department. He needed me to train him as well. James was younger than me and eager to learn, so we got along well. He just wanted to have the radio on while we worked. I didn’t particularly care for the additional noise, but I let it go.
--------------

At home, you had been working on house plans while I was in Nashville and was anxious to get some bids to see if we could start building on the lot we had bought in Brandon near the new highway. Your favorite plan was a split level, and I liked it, except that I would have preferred a larger kitchen. Since the lot was lower on one side, a split level plan would work. There were three bedrooms and a bath upstairs, the living/dining combination and the kitchen and entrance foyer would be the main level. The lower level would be a large den, bedroom, bath, and laundry room. A small hallway would open into the garage. You had picked three builders who would be submitting bids on the job. Now, we were waiting for the bids to come in.
-----------------------

For several months, things had not been going well at the Baptist church we had attended for the last eight years. As often happens, some people become dissatisfied with the minister and start rumors, and soon the congregation is divided, with some wanting to split off and start a new church. The atmosphere had become so toxic that we had decided it was time to look for another place to worship.

During the two weeks I was away, You had found a religion program on the radio that you liked. The preacher was an off-shoot from the church Mother belonged to. He had a different interpretation of some of the scripture than our Baptist church. You wanted me to listen with you, and I did. In some ways. it was more like some of the doctrine I’d grown up with.

At first, I was interested because some of what the preacher was saying seemed closer to what I read in the Bible. After listening for a while, I noticed the minister was getting away from the Bible and going out too far on limb with what he indicated was his own personal revelation. As we continued to listen, we both got the feeling he was on an ego trip, and he was likely getting rich on the money he was soliciting from his listeners.

Around this time, one of mother’s cousins called and invited us to her church for a series of evangelistic meetings. We decided to go see what it was like. The members of this church were very warm and welcoming. The meetings were impressive and challenged some of your long held beliefs, but were more in line with mine. I especially liked the fact that they were very concerned about Biblical health principles and lifestyles. The pastor and the visiting evangelist made several trips to our home and answered questions we had. After praying about it, we were impressed to change churches. We believed God has his people in many different denominations, and that salvation depends more on your personal relationship than on doctrine. Nevertheless, this church seemed to be one which would meet our needs.
--------------
After a couple of weeks, the bids came in on the house, and after the first two, we realized how far we were from being able to afford to build anything. We’d paid $12,500 for the house we were in. With the new lot paid for, two of the builders were asking $55,000 and $42,000. When the third bid came in at $30,000, we were surprised it was so much less. This builder was new on the scene, but the price was more in line with what we'd hoped for. We were taking a chance, but it sounded like something we might be able to swing.

In order the get a down payment together, we borrowed everything we could from our life insurance policies. We hired the third contractor with the understanding that his quote was locked in, and we could not go any higher. He agreed to start work right away. We were able to get the down payment together and qualify for a GI loan.

As soon as the loan was approved, our builder started work. After a few weeks, the work had progressed to the point that our builder had us choose carpet, tile, light fixtures and appliances within a certain price range that met with his bid specification. We were spending practically every afternoon going to see the progress made during the day. It was August of 1969 and the house was scheduled to be completed and ready to move into by October. Our builder did good work, but he had apparently bid the job too low, and he was trying to cut corners on some of the material called for in the specs. When you called him on it, he complained that he was losing money on the job, but he did comply with what we needed.

One evening, we went over when the crew had just left. They had laid a different asphalt tile than the pattern I had picked. Since the tile cement wasn’t dry, I pulled it all up, thinking that it would be easier to remove now than after it set. This really upset our builder, and you weren’t too happy with me either. They probably thought they could talk me into keeping what they had accidentally laid, but I knew what I liked and felt it had to be changed.
--------------

Since we no longer had a maid, we couldn’t ask our neighbors to keep the children now that they were out of school. We found a Catholic day care that welcomed all denominations. This one seemed to have a good activity program for children. Our kids loved it and quickly made new friends. We had trouble getting used to our children coming home and telling us what Father Leonard and Sister Mary Francis had done that day. Mississippi was not a place where there were a lot of Catholics, and calling a priest, Father, seemed very strange to us.
--------------------------

Since we would be leaving Jackson soon, the school behind our house would no longer work for us. The church we’d joined had a small Christian school, and the members were encouraging us to enroll all of our children there. The school went through eighth grade and only had two classrooms. The two teachers were teaching four grades each. Carol went there for second grade, because the teacher had begged us to let her attend. Her daughter was the only other second grader.  One of our neighbors had transported Carol every day. 

Since the first year worked out well with Carol, we would be sending our twins there the second year. All three of our children would be in the same room. The twins already knew most of the students from church, so they liked the idea of going to a smaller school.

The fall of 1969, would bring about a lot of changes for all of us. We hoped the decisions we were making would be in the best interest for all of our family.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents;

Chapter 42
Moving Woes

By BethShelby

Since there are those who haven’t read any of this book before, who might read a chapter from time to time, I feel that I need to explain that this isn’t written like a novel. You will find it to be a series of different incidents or memories from a particular time period. You may find the flow of the material may change every paragraph or so. Sometimes I use dialogue to move the story along, but not that often because the whole memoir is being written as though it is spoken aloud to my husband who is deceased.

When school started, all three children began classes in the small church school. Since the school had fewer students than in the big public school, the kids got to know everyone, and they were able to make lasting friendships. The older students in each class helped the younger ones. The small classes grouped together in one room was turning out to be an effective learning system after all. Many earlier schools were taught in this manner. My parents went to small schools where several grades were taught in one room.
---------- 
Knowing that we would be moving in October, we decided we needed to try to sell our house. No doubt, most people would have contacted a real estate agent. Our first inclination was to advertise it for sale by owner and see if we could sell it that way. We thought we would have more control over who bought it, and if we sold it, there would be no commission to pay an agent.
 
Because racial tension was so high in Mississippi, if a house in a white neighborhood sold to a black family, the value of every home dropped immediately. In less than a year, the white families would sell to black families and the area would become a black neighborhood. You and I knew the discrimination was wrong, but on the other hand, you didn’t want our neighbors to have their property values drop because of us. As a result when a voice on the phone inquired about the house, and it was clearly of another race, you made an excuse not to show the house. It was embarrassing to me, and I refused to answer the phone.
 
We showed the house a few times, but then your sister, Maxine, called and asked if we would be willing to rent it to some friends she knew who were looking for a rental in Jackson. We decided we could rent for a while and sell later. These people were moving from another town and were willing to rent without first looking at it. They insisted they had to be moved in by the second week in October. Our builder had assured us, we could move into our new house by October first, so we thought there should be no problem.
 
It is amazing how much you can accumulate in ten years. We started trying to pack, but it seemed we had little time to spare. I was working a lot of overtime. We were making frequent trips to Brandon to check on our new house and deal with problems our builder kept coming up with. You were also going to the farm to check on your cows. Often the children had activities, that involved us. As a result, we weren’t making much progress with the packing.
 
One day, the people who wanted to rent our house called and to say they were moving earlier than they had planned, and they needed to move into our house the last week in September. You called our builder and asked if it was possible for us to move in early. He said the house wouldn’t be finished. He was waiting on material in order to finish our stairs, and he wouldn’t have it until later in the month. He was willing to complete the work after we moved in, if we could deal with no railing on the stairs. We should have said no, but you wanted to make sure our renters didn’t back out.
 
Needing to save money on the move, we rented a large moving van and started loading our furniture into it. For the next three days, we did our best to finish packing, but as we moved the furniture, we realized how much more needed to be done to have our house ready for the new occupants. The last day, we worked throughout the night, trying to clean up and leave the house in a presentable condition for the family moving in. We were exhausted when we finally realized we couldn't do any more.

We were adjusting to being in our new house and trying to deal carefully with stairs which lacked railings, when we got a call from the renters asking for their deposit back. They had decided our house wasn’t suitable for them after all. You vowed you would never again let anyone push you into moving anywhere. We turned the house over to a rental agency and decided to let them deal with it.
--------------
The weekend after we moved, you felt you had to go see about your cattle, and you left the children and me in Brandon. One of the tires was flat on the truck, so you took the car and left me without transportation. I was busy trying to get my kitchen organized and hanging curtains. You’d not been gone long when Don came running down the upstairs hallway totally forgetting there was no railing on the stairs. He plunged off the edge of the landing and ended up  crashing head-first onto the uncarpeted floor of the foyer. I was horrified. I was also amazed he was still conscious. A huge lump was quickly rising on his head. I had no way of getting in touch with anyone as the phones weren’t yet connected. All I could do was place an ice-pack on the knot, and pray that my son would survive without brain damage.
 
Don told me,” Mom, guess what! When your head gets hit, you really do see stars.
-------------
The following week, I was contacted by a new printing company that was forming in Jackson. Out of curiosity, I went in for an interview. They were anxious to hire me, and they offered me nearly twice as much salary as I was making. You encouraged me to take it. You’d never been happy with me working at my present job. You knew something of the problems I’d had with people I’d worked with there, and although you'd only met him once, you didn't care for Robert at all.
 
Since Robert hadn’t been willing to listen to my suggestions or to offer me a substantial raise, I agreed that I should take the job. I’d worked five years for this company, which was a record for me. Still, I was nervous about leaving since the company had paid for my recent trip to Nashville.
 
I talked to Robert and told him I was seriously considering the offer I'd had from the new company. He was extremely upset, but said the company couldn’t match what they were offering. In the end, I gave a two week notice. Robert told me his backers, who’d financed the company, wanted to sue me for the money they had spent on me. Robert claimed he talked them out of it. He was probably afraid I might tell them he’d never stopped trying to hit on me.
 
I worked out my two weeks and left with no regrets. With a new town, a new house, new job and a new church, things were definitely changing.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents;

Chapter 43
Adjusting to the Changes

By BethShelby

Since there are those who haven’t read any of this book before, who might read a chapter from time to time, I feel that I need to explain that this isn’t written like a novel. You will find it to be a series of different incidents or memories from a particular time period. You may find the flow of the material may change every paragraph or so. Sometimes I use dialogue to move the story along, but not that often because the whole memoir is being written as though it is spoken aloud to my husband who is deceased.
Since the new company was just getting off the ground, there were no complicated printing jobs. There were six small presses and no Linotype machine for type setting. I would not be doing the kind of stripping I’d been trained to do in Nashville until the company built up its reputation to attract customers needing more expensive jobs. For now, I would be doing simple art work, operating the graphic arts camera, and stripping up negatives for the small presses.

There were two ladies near my age who would be working with me, but not doing the same work as me. Loraine was the typist. She had an advanced typewriter capable of producing type fonts suitable for printing copy. Divorced twice, Loraine, a tall auburn-haired lady, was a character. She was a flirt and used men who were willing to do her bidding. Her hobby was car racing, and she competed in a race for women drivers known as Powder Puff Derby. 

Maggie, the other lady, was married and had a four-year-old daughter. She was hired mostly to assist me with filing, ordering the supplies, and burning and developing the small aluminum plates the pressmen needed. Maggie was a tiny lady, who was overly dramatic and fun to be around. I got along fine with both women. Maggie was a club lady and active in the Business and Professional Women Organization. She wanted to get me involved, but it wasn’t my cup of tea.

Wolfgang, the owner of the company, was a man from Germany. I guessed him to be around forty. Stan, the plant supervisor and the man who hired me, appeared to be in his fifties. I was relieved that the work seemed simple compared with my former job. With all the other changes going on in my life, something less challenging was a welcome reprieve.

*****************
We were beginning to settle into our new home. Don had a room of his own, but the girls would continue to share a room. The new highway which ran by our property was finished. Since we were on a large tree-studded lot, the noise from the highway didn’t bother us.

You built a five-foot chain-link fenced dog pen for our German shepherd, Grendel. We bought another male shepherd named Adolph as a companion. We thought we might allow them to breed and try selling registered shepherd puppies.

You found a spot that was perfect for a garden and started breaking up the soil. When you weren’t busy around the house, you would go to our cattle and tree farm and check on that. Another of your projects was to buy twenty young pecan trees and put them out on the farm. That was time consuming work which kept you away from home more than I liked.

Brandon was an interesting little Southern town, only ten miles from Jackson. It had a town square with a courthouse and a 37 ft statue of a Confederate Soldier in the middle of the square. The town is the home of the 1959 Miss America, Mary Ann Mobley, who later starred in some films. When we lived there most of the businesses were scattered around the square.  Other than groceries, we continued to do most of our shopping in Jackson.

Your brother and his family still lived in Brandon, but we didn’t know anyone else. The Baptist minister came by and introduced himself . He seemed very nice and invited us to join his church. We explained we would probably continue going to the church we’d joined in Jackson since our children were doing great in the church-school there, and were involved in an organization similar to scouts, called Pathfinders.

Our new house wasn't far from the main section of the little town, but our location had a country atmosphere. Houses were scattered and on acreage. Across the street from us was an open field and dirt road leading back to a small pond. The land was not fenced, so we decided to walk over and explore. We met the landowner who welcomed us to the area and told us to feel free to fish in his pond. The children had never been fishing, so you fixed them up some lines, and we went over. It didn’t take long for Don and Christi to get their lines tangled and tire of fishing, but Carol found an old box and pulled it near the pond and dipped her line in the water. The box collapsed sending her tumbling into the muddy water. This ended our little fishing excursion for the day.

The move had been stressful for all of us. Since we had to drive the extra distance into the city to work and to take the children to school, we decided to ride together rather then take separate vehicles. You had recently sold our Chevrolet and bought a two-year-old Ford from someone you worked with. We also still had your truck, but we usually took the Ford sedan.

First we would drop the children off at school, and then I’d drop you at work and park the car at my work. If we timed it right, everyone got where they were supposed to be on time. I was punching a time-clock at my new job and Stan, the supervisor, had a problem with anyone who punched in late. In didn't matter that I was willing to stay later and get in my eight hours, I could tell that he couldn't handle people not being there on the dot of eight.

I am a person who has serious issues with being late for anything. You were a careful person, who spent a lot more time than I on your personal appearance, and you were more likely to get hung up on something causing you to run late. I was always ready and in the car with the kids, waiting for you to join us. Sometimes, you would realize you were going to be running late, and you would tell me to go on ahead and you’d take your truck.

This had happened several times in the last couple of weeks, but on this particular morning, we were planning to ride together. The children and I had been sitting in the car for at least fifteen minutes waiting on you, and I was getting more irritated by the moment. I honked the car horn several times. We were already so late that I hoped you would drop me off first, so I wouldn’t be scolded again for punching in late. Eventually, you stuck your head out the door, and told me to go on, and you’d take your truck.

Something snapped in my brain. We had a long tree-lined curved drive, and it was necessary to back up a long way, before you could turn and go forward. In a fit of frustration and anger, I floor-boarded the accelerator with the car in reverse. I crashed the car into a young pine tree and knocked it down, crumpling the trunk in all the way to the back seat. Our three children and their books and lunchboxes went flying in every direction. No one was hurt, but I had totaled our car. We both had to call our work saying something had come up and we would be late.

As as rule, I’m a very laid-back, easy-going person. I seldom lose my temper. I don’t know why I snapped that time, but I calmed down quickly. You yelled at me but not for long. I think you realized you were the cause of my temper tantrum. We could laugh about it later, but at that moment, we didn’t need the aggravation of having to deal with our insurance company, and having to look for another car.

After that incident, my children weren’t anxious to get into the car with me driving. It didn’t help that a few weeks later, I had a tire blow-out on the highway while driving again with the children. There was a noise which sounded like an explosion. The car spun in a complete circle and crossed over into the on-coming traffic lane. Thankfully, no cars were approaching at that moment, and I did manage to gain control and pull off to the side. The interstate was something we’d not had to deal with at our old house. Some of the changes in our lives were welcome. Others would take some time for us to adjust to them. 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents

Chapter 44
The Winter of `69

By BethShelby

The weather had turned very cold for early November in the South. We were using our fireplace for the first time. It was starting to get dark outside when we heard a knock on our front door. We were surprised since we’d not heard anyone drive up. I went to the door and opened to find a young teenage girl standing there. She asked if I could give her a drink of water.
 
“Of course,” I said. “Come on in out of the cold. Go sit by the fire and warm up while I get you a glass of water.”
 
She didn’t hesitate about quickly accepting my invitation. The children were all gathered around the fire, and they stared at the newcomer, full of curiosity. As she drank the water, I asked how she happened to be out on a night like this. She told me she came from up North, and she had been hitch-hiking. She said a trucker had dropped her off by the bridge on the highway. She had a very slow Southern way of talking, so I wondered if what she was telling me was true.
 
The news had just gone off on the local TV station. Sports had come on. It isn’t something we are usually that interested in watching, but this girl's eyes were glued to the set. She told us she loved sports, so I hesitated about changing the channel. You motioned for me to meet you in the kitchen, so we left the room to talk about the situation. I couldn’t imagine allowing her to go back out into the cold night, but something seemed off. I was reluctant to invite her to spend the night.
 
We discussed it and decided we needed some advice on what to do. I didn’t really want to call the police station. “Maybe we could call that nice minister who came right after we moved in. He might be able to tell us what we should do,” I suggested.
 
“It’s worth a try.” You go upstairs and call, and I’ll stay down here and watch what’s going on. Something seems strange about her. She doesn’t act right.”
 
I went upstairs and found the card the pastor had left with his name and phone number and dialed it. He picked up right away, and I explained what was going on.
 
“You called the right person,” he said. “I know exactly who she is. Sarah’s a member of my church. Her parents are right here with me. Everyone’s been looking for her all afternoon. Just go back, and don’t say a word to her. We’ll be over at your house in a few minutes.” After he hung up. I went back down and motioned for you to come to the kitchen again, where I explained what was happening.
 
Soon the doorbell rang, and our house was filled with people. The pastor introduced her parents as our neighbors. He went into our den and called Sarah. She came out crying. In moments, her mother was hugging her and crying, as well.
 
The whole incident we were witnessing seemed very confusing. I only got bits and pieces of what was going on between Sarah and her parents. I started to comment on what she had told us, but the pastor signaled to me not to say anything. They soon left, and the minister stayed behind to talk. It turned out Sarah lived just over the bridge from us, and she had run away from home. She was a diabetic, and her parents were freaking out, not only because she was gone, but also because she needed to be on medication. This was the end of an odd evening for everyone.
 
A couple of weeks later, you got a call at work. You called me and asked if I could take off from my work and go home. Sarah had left home again. and all the neighbors were searching for her. They had decided she must be back at our house again. They wanted to get into our house and look. It seems our house was surrounded by people trying doors and looking into the windows. They were convinced she was there, because someone had seen an upstairs curtain move. Since the house was locked, they needed someone to come and let them in. I went home and opened the door, but the search revealed nothing other than our cat who loved to sit in sunny windows. This time Sarah had managed to get a lot further.
 
We never learned what was so troubling about her home life to make Sarah run away, but we did find out this time, she had hitched a ride and made it as far as Ohio. Sarah became sick without her medicine after four days, and someone called her parents for her. Once again, they got her back home without anything terrible happening. Still, the story has a sad ending without us ever knowing the details. A couple of years later. we heard from someone who knew the family that she had died while in a diabetic coma.
**********
In December, all of the kids were involved in a Christmas program. The teacher had been working for weeks to have the children ready to perform. Carol was part of a singing group. Christi was an angel and Don was a shepherd. He also had a solo part and was scheduled to sing “Away in a Manger.” He knew the song perfectly at home, but knowing how he hated spotlight attention, I was concerned. It was no surprise when after the first verse, he forgot the words and just kept repeating the same lines over and over until the music stopped. His voice was beautiful, but the words just weren’t there.
 
On December 17, the twins turned seven. We had a small party at home with just family. I made a cake, and we had ice cream and gifts. I regretted that their birthday was so close to the holidays that it wasn’t convenient to have a big celebration.
 
For our first Christmas in our new house, we discarded our artificial tree and cut down a real tree from our country place. We had brought back mistletoe and holly berries from there as well. We even placed a big wreath on the outside of our chimney facing the blacktop road. We had a small celebration before we left town. The kids got to open one present each. Afterward, we headed out to spend Christmas with our parents as usual.
 
********
Your dad wasn’t doing so well. His emphysema seemed to be getting worse. At seventy, he was no longer working. He had been working with your brother-in-law, Joe, at his church pew building business. However, Joe had laid off most of his employees because business was slow, and the debt he’d made with the bank was overdue. It looked as though he might lose the business. Joe was a good carpenter, and when the pew business slowed down, he and some of the younger crew had built a couple of houses in Newton. He had just completed one for a prominent local doctor who was retiring. Actually, it was the doctor who had delivered me.
 
My dad, at sixty-two wasn’t working either. The owner of the Jitney Jungle grocery store had decided to retire and sell his business. Dad thought about buying it, but decided against it at his age. The new owner planned to have his own sons take Dad’s place. Mom wasn’t thrilled to have Dad home all the time. She was looking for ways to get out of the house. She’d tried selling Avon and doing TV surveys. Now, she had started sitting for invalids and people who were convalescing. This was her calling because she was the care-giver type.
 
Your sister, Helen, was upset because Joe didn’t have any further work, and she approached you to see if they could borrow some money from us. You were wondering if maybe we could let Joe do some work at our place in the country. You said maybe we could just let him build the frame work for a house that we could finish later. It would help with his financial problem, and it would be better then loaning them money that they might never be able to pay back. You said you could only give him work as long as we could afford to pay cash without having to borrow money ourselves. You said that prehaps my dad could do some work as well. I was leery of building anything so far out in the county, because it wasn’t a place I wanted to live. You said we wouldn’t be living there, but it would be nice to have somewhere to stay when we were there. You suggested that we could use it for a weekend get-away.
 
I was very concerned about you starting another project, but I didn’t want to lend the money outright either. You hated to say no when your family needed anything. We were already chipping in a little every month to help your parents financially. We would have to tighten our budget, and see if we could find enough cash to start another house. You said you would talk to Joe about it soon to see if he would even be interested. I sort of hoped he wouldn't be.
 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents

Chapter 45
Life in Our New Home

By BethShelby

As 1969 passed from history and 1970 came into being, we were beginning to adjust to the changes that had taken place in our life. The past year had been an interesting period in history. We had witnessed Neal Armstrong take man’s first step on the moon. Richard Nixon had been elected our president with Spiro Agnew as his running mate. He had vowed to dismantle the welfare state that had existed under Lyndon Johnson. We had witnessed counter-culture clashes, riots, and anti-war protests. The stock-market average stood at 800. The average salary in the US was under $9,000 per year. We had high hopes for this being a better year all around.

We had an extremely cold winter in January with snow and huge icicles hanging off of our house. School was closed, and so was our work for a couple of days. In Jackson, other than a few flakes, a big snow was rare. The kids were excited. They put together makeshift sleds out of whatever they could find and had so much fun sliding down the dip from the front of our house to the driveway. Carol decided she wanted to knock some of the three foot long icicles from the roof of our house. She found a long slender piece of wood with a nail sticking in the end and aimed it for an icicle. She missed and came down instead on the top of Don’s head as he stood below the icicle. Our poor son got hit on his head so many times, it is amazing he survived his childhood. This time, he could blame someone else rather then himself for the accident.

During his childhood, Don was plagued with a nervous stomach. If he was distressed in any way, he would get an almost unbearable pain in the center of his stomach. One particular night, his cries of pain were especially alarming. On this occasion, I'm not sure if it was nerves or the fact that he always ate too fast. It could have been a combination of things, but we became concerned enough that we decided he needed to go to the emergency room. I stayed with the girls while you drove him into Jackson to the hospital. The doctor checked him out and couldn’t find a problem. He said he would give him something to ease the pain. I wish I knew what drug he was given, because for the next four hours after he got home, we were up trying to get him to settle down. He acted as though he was possessed. He was bouncing off the walls. No more pain but it was hours before he wore himself down to the point that anyone could sleep.

Carol turned nine in February. We let her invite a couple of kids from the church school over for a sleepover. The two girls that came were another pair of twins. They were actually closer to Christi and Don’s age, but they all got along well together. I think Christi was a little jealous, because they seemed to enjoy playing more active games with Carol and Don than playing Barbie dolls with her.

I let the kids have the run of the lower part of the house. When I went down to see what they were up to, I found they had used a whole skein of knitting thread for some game they were playing. There was so much thread crisscrossing from one piece of furniture to the next that it was impossible to walk through the room. One of the kids was hiding inside my clothes dryer. I should have known better. Kids need supervision at all times, especially when you get some fresh minds around to dream up ways to drive the adults crazy.
-------------------  
We got a unexpectied call from your sister Maxine saying that your Dad was in the Baptist hospital in Jackson suffering with a heart problem. It was surprising that he had been brought to Jackson since there were closer hospitals at Meridian, Newton and Bay Springs. We went to see him that night. He seemed in good spirits, but he was hooked up to all sorts of monitors. The doctors suspected that he had suffered a mild heart attack. Your family came out to the house and had a meal with us. After a couple of days, your dad was sent back home on medication.
-----------------
At my work, Loraine came up with an outing that involved both Maggie and me. She said she knew about a black lady that was supposed to be a really good fortune teller. She wanted to go, but she wanted us to go with her. I felt uneasy about going, because I was always taught to believe the Bible said we shouldn't get information in this way. Even if it turned out to be true, the source might not be something one needed to deal with.

Maggie said, “Oh, come on. It'll be fun. We don’t have to take it seriously.” I’d done it once before at a Halloween party, and some of it was eerily accurate. I thought about it and decided to go. I didn't want to be a prig, and I seldom went on outings with girlfriends.  

We went on a Sunday afternoon to a run-down old house in a seedy part of Jackson. Loraine brought a purse she thought she might swap for the reading, but the lady wanted cash. She only charged three dollars each for a reading. She took us one at a time, and later we compared notes.

When it was my turn, she shuffled an ordinary pack of playing cards and had me cut the deck. She laid some cards out on the table and told me there would be some changes coming soon. She also said, “You is married to a good man. You is lucky. He loves you, and he ain’t never gonna leave you. I sees five chilren’ in yo' life. How many you got now?

I wanted to say ’You're the fortune-teller. You tell me', but instead I said ”three.” I didn’t mention the first one who died. I’m not planning on having more children. I’m afraid you’re wrong there, lady.

“Well dey gonna be five in all.” She laid more cards on the table. “Dey’s an old man what’s family in yo' life. He be sick. He ain’t gon'na make it.” Hmm..that could be Evan’s dad. He’s been sick, but we're hoping he’ll be all right.

"Dey’s a black-headed woman what comes to yo' house sometime. She thank mo' highly of yo' husband than she do of you.” Well Shirley is the only black-headed woman that’s ever been to our house. She did date Evan before he dated me. But she married his brother. Surely she doesn’t still care about my husband. Surely I'm not believing any of this garbage. 

She laid out more cards. “You gonna be movin’ away from dis' state pretty soon. Dat’s all de cards say today.” Uh-uhh... Don’t think so. We just got moved into our new house. I can't see us moving any time soon.  

When we got back in the car, we compared notes, and she had told all three of us that we had changes coming in our lives. She had also told all of us that in the next couple of years, we would be moving out of the state. Since we were all born in Mississippi and had never thought of moving, we had a good laugh about that. She told Loraine she had a lot of men in her life, but not to marry any of them, because it would end in divorce. We couldn't help but admit she was probably accurate there. The three marriages Loraine had already had all ended in divorce.

She told Maggie she would have another baby and that her husband wouldn't  be with her very much longer. Maggie asked why, and she told her he might have to die. None of us thought our fortunes were that accurate, but mine had been the best of the three. She did say I had a good man, and I couldn't argue with that. 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents

Chapter 46
Things Which Don't End Well

By BethShelby

The first day of May, you were out near the back of our lot working on your garden, when I got a phone call from Maxine telling me that your dad had died. They had taken him to Bay Springs hospital after he seemed to be having another heart attack. I told the kids to go get their daddy, and tell him his sister needed to talk to him. They had heard enough to know that their grandfather had died, so they ran toward you shouting “Pap-paw's dead.”

This was no way for you to learn your dad had passed away. The color had drained from your face, and you were in a bad state by the time you made it back to the house. I was so sorry you had to learn of his death like this. If he had lived two more weeks, he would have had his seventy-first birthday.

I couldn't help but remember what the fortune teller had said about the old man in my family not surviving. I hoped it had been a coincidence that she’d been right about that.

We left Brandon and went to your parents' house as soon as we could get a few things together. I was very fond of your dad. He always seemed to like me. All of your siblings were soon there. Your mom was very upset. A few days after the funeral, she went home with Maxine and Wayne and stayed a couple of weeks. She’d never learned to drive, so we knew she wouldn’t be staying alone in the house. After spending time with Maxine, we brought her to Brandon and she stayed with us for a while. All of you got together and found a little house in Newton that she could afford to rent and got her moved in. The house they had lived in was sold, and the money was put in the bank to provide for her living expenses.
******
After the funeral, you got a chance to talk to Joe about starting a house for us on our acreage in the country. He said he would appreciate the work. The two of you agreed on a price for his time. You told him you would pay for the materials he needed as long as he furnished you with copies of the receipts on the purchases. You had revised the house plans we’d used for our new house, and changed them to a single level house, but you didn’t cut down on the size. You moved the fireplace from the living room to the den and made a few other small changes. I didn’t understand why we needed such a large house in the country, but I didn’t argue with you about it. It seemed important for you to be able to do this.

Joe didn’t waste time. It wasn’t long before he had the slab poured, and he was starting up with the walls. He did hire my dad to work with him. I know my mother was relieved to have him out of the house, and I think Dad was happy to have something to do that brought in a small income.

This work continued throughout the summer months, but not without its problems. Joe purchased some expensive tools on our expense account. He needed them for the job, but he kept them for himself after the job was finished. You were unhappy because he was just giving you a figure of what he’d spent without sending you the receipts as he’d agreed to do. When you talked to him about it, he and Helen both became defensive. After we reached a point where we didn’t plan to get any more work done, we knew there were hard feelings and we felt awkward being around them. A number of months went by without contact.
 
Somehow, my Dad found out how much Joe had been paid, and he got upset as well. Of course Joe was the experienced builder, and he was entitled to more money. As a rule, it isn’t smart to do business with family. Someone always feels they have gotten a raw deal.

By the end of the summer, we had spent all of the money we could afford to on the house. It was just a shell at this point. We had the septic tank in and water, but so far the house wasn’t wired for electricity. There was a power pole installed that provided the electricity for the tools used in building, but we still would need to hire an electrician to complete the work. This didn’t stop us from taking a lantern and sleeping bags and camping out from time to time. I’m sure our country neighbors must have been curious as to why work had stopped.
 
We didn’t know how long it would be before we could again move forward on our building project.  I didn't see any reason for being in a hurry since we weren’t planning to live there. However, you did find an electrician and paid to have it wired that fall. We had the expense of two other houses. Our house in Jackson was still in the hands of a real estate agency. I decided I knew what it meant to be property rich and income poor, because we were paying taxes and insurance on all three properties.

**********
At my new job, the work was so much easier than anything I’d done in the past and the money was better. That didn’t mean everything was running smoothly. Stan the plant manager was running a small printing company out of his home as a side business. Maggie, my assistant, and I had witnessed him taking company supplies out of the shop for his own use. He had been giving Maggie a hard time, and she wanted to report him to the owner. I’d gotten along fine with Stan, and I didn’t want to get involved, because I didn't consider it any of our business. Maggie got me involved anyway, by letting the owner know that the two of us had seen some things she felt he needed to know about. He scheduled a meeting and asked that we both come to his office.

Before the meeting, I was so nervous, I couldn’t think straight. Loraine, the typist, told me to calm down before I had a stroke. She said she had something that would help, and she gave me a Xanax tablet. I don’t like taking medicine, and I was unsure if I wanted to swallow it. I put it in my mouth before I started toward the water cooler, and suddenly I realized my mouth was growing numb and my tongue was starting to swell. I got the rest of the pill down, but now I wondered if I would even be able to talk. To make matters worse, Stan had been called to the meeting as well, to face his accusers. I let Maggie do most of the talking, but I’m sure the fact that Stan was there intimidated her as well. The boss excused us after Maggie had her say, and we went back to work. Stan remained behind, I never learned what happened after we left, but I do know he was still at work the next day.  He didn't have anything to say to the two of us.

**********
At home, things did not go well with our dog breeding project. Grendel got pregnant and gave birth to eight healthy looking puppies. Sadly, we knew nothing about raising dogs. Our dogs had not been checked by a vet to see if they were healthy, and they hadn’t been vaccinated.
Everything seemed fine for a while. As the puppies got older, we sold one of them and gave one to my mom and dad. One little female suddenly started walking strangely. We thought one of the kids might have hurt it accidentally. The girls denied it, but Don said he wasn’t sure. He might have run over one of the puppies with his bike. We had a vet check the puppy’s leg, he said she had hip dysplasia, which is not uncommon with German Shepherds.  

When the other pups started suddenly getting sick, we checked with the vet again. By that time it was too late to save the puppies. Our dogs had hookworms. We decided raising puppies had been a mistake, and we didn’t need to let Grendel get pregnant again.  

***********
There was another project that didn’t end so well either. I decided I wanted a rock garden leading from our front walk to the garage. I went to the library and checked out about eight large coffee-table type books for rock gardens. I spent hours digging out a flat area where I wanted to place some garden furniture.

You weren’t enthused over my project, but I told you about a place where someone assured me I could get all the large rocks I needed for free. After pleading with you for a while, you finally took the truck to get the rocks. Unfortunately, I’d gotten bad information. When you started loading the rocks from what appeared to be unused land, the property owner saw you and cursed you out for trying to steal his rocks. You were humiliated and told me you wanted nothing to do with my rock garden.

When it was time to return the library books, something distracted me, and I laid the books on top of the car. Then I forgot about them and drove away. When I got to the library and didn’t have them, I remembered where I put them and hoped to find them in our yard. I was not so lucky. When I got home you told me you saw a car stopped in the street, and a man was picking something up, which turned out to be my books. They never made it back to the library, and I ended up paying for some very expensive lost books.

In the end, you did help me fill in the ground which I had dug out where my rock garden was supposed to go. Some things are just not meant to be.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents

Chapter 47
Here We Go Again

By BethShelby

I had worked at my new job for about eight months. Everything seemed to be going along well. The work was easy, and I was making more than I had ever made before without having to work overtime. It was Friday afternoon. I had just returned from the grocery store. When I got home, I put the groceries away and went upstairs. I felt unusually tired, so I went into our bedroom and fell across the bed. I thought I would rest a few minutes before trying to decide what to make for the evening meal.

I closed my eyes for just a second, and suddenly, it seemed I was standing by an assembly-line with a group of people packing some heavy equipment into boxes. A young man wearing a suit walked in and says, "I need everyone's attention." He seemed upset and proceeded to chew everyone out. "If you people want to keep your jobs, you are going to have to speed up production. You're falling behind, and there have been too many errors lately. Some of the boxes are incorrectly packed.” 

My eyes flew open and I sat up. You were in the room with me changing out of your dress clothes into something more comfortable.

“I just had the weirdest thing happen,” I told you. “I wasn’t even asleep. I closed my eyes for just a second, and this little dude--who I’ve never seen before--was chewing me out. It was like I was on an assemble line. What on earth was that all about? I would never work at a job like that. Am I losing my mind? It was so real. I thought I was actually there. However, it only lasted a few seconds.”

You gave me a strange look and shrugged your shoulders. “Are you sure you didn’t fall asleep?”

“No, I was still wide awake. I can’t go to sleep that fast. We were just talking a minute ago, and I told you how tired I was.”

I decided it had to be one of those unexplained things that just happen sometimes. There is never a satisfactory explanation, so it's best to just let it go. I succeeded in putting it out of my mind for the weekend.
**********

On Monday, when I went in to work, there were some men I’d never seen before going around to all the office furniture and putting stickers with numbers on everything.

“What the heck is going on?” I asked Stan.

“It’s not good,” he said. “This company’s not going to make it. We’ll be closing in a couple of weeks. They’re going to be auctioning off all the equipment. I’m sorry you’re finding out this way. We’re going to have a meeting later this morning.”

Just as I thought things were starting to go smoothly, and now I would be unemployed again. I hadn’t even been with this company long enough to get a week's vacation. I worked out the two weeks and said goodbye to my friends. The fortune teller had struck again. My two girlfriends and I were all about to have some changes in our lives. Loraine had found a job in Memphis and would be leaving the state.  Maggie's husband was a salesman, and she thought they would be moving nearer his home office.
***********

You had some vacation time coming, and it seemed like a good time for us to do something as a family.  I didn’t have a job, and the kids had another couple of weeks before school started. We had recently received a brochure in the mail offering a free three nights, four days family vacation to Hot Spring, AR. We’d never been there, and they would even pay for our gasoline to drive there. We’d have to look at some property, but we figured we could handle that. We sure didn’t need any more property, but the brochure said there was no obligation to buy. I called the number and made reservations.

Hot Springs was much prettier than I had expected. We both love the mountains, but after having seen the Smoky Mountains and the Rockies, I didn’t expect much from the smaller Ozarks. However. the countryside around Hot Springs had a different kind of beauty. It was a vibrant green and there were lakes and mountain streams everywhere. The motel we were assigned was new and had a large pool outside which delighted our kids. You weren't interested in swimming, but I was, so I went with them while you watched television in our room.

The second day, we had to go look at the property, and it was very impressive presentation. They showed us maps and brochures of what the area would look like when it was developed. They were selling large lots in what looked like the making of a beautiful upscale community. There was lakefront property which was more expensive, but we looked at some excellent building sites on a mountainside covered with large trees. The roads were just starting to be built, and many were still unpaved. Our salesman was extremely persuasive and used very high pressure tactics, so much so, that we came away with a contract in spite of our intention to resist.

When we got back to the motel, we had second thoughts and agonized over allowing ourselves to be talked into something we didn’t need. When we read the fine print, we learned we had three days to change our minds before the contract would be legally binding. Thankfully, we were able to get out of it and were allowed to go on and enjoy the rest of the vacation.

We had free tickets for riding the ducks, which were amphibious boats that ran on land as well as cruised the lakes. We all  enjoyed the boat ride. We also visited a park and promenade overlooking the city. We spent a lot of time riding up in the mountains enjoying the little streams and waterfalls that followed the road up the side of the mountain. I was impressed with all the huge rock formations.

The city had several auction houses, so we went in and watched them auction off paintings and antiques. Before we left we bought a concrete bird bath with a statue of some leaping dolphins in the middle. It would have been perfect in the center of the rock garden I'd wanted to build. All of the children got souvenirs. Carol became interested in some of the small colored rocks, and we bought her a little rock tumbler and some stones that she could take home to polish in the tumbler. All in all, it was an enjoyable vacation.
***********

When we got back home, I perused the want ads, but didn’t see anything in my field, so on Monday I went to a couple of temp agencies and signed up for work. The first job assignment I went on was to a large auto parts mail order place. I thought I would be doing office work, but instead I was assigned to work on an assembly line packing auto parts. My vision, or whatever it was I had in my bedroom a short time ago, hadn’t crossed my mind, but it all came flooding back when the young man in the business suit approached our line and began yelling about production being down.
.
It was the same man I had seen so clearly, and his words were the same. I know this has to be hard to believe, and I’m not sure I would believe it if it hadn’t happened to me. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before nor has it happened since. I wondered if I was supposed to learn something from this experience. The only thing I came up with was that maybe I have too much pride, and I thought I was too good to do blue-collar work. I have to admit, it was a humbling thought.
**********

I went on several more temp assignments, but not too long after that, I got a call from the graphic arts place I had worked when I first got out of college. Mr. Hayes was the man who hired me, but only kept me a short time, because his artist and receptionist wanted her job back. He told me he’d heard I was out of work, and he was in need of someone to operate his graphic arts camera. I resented the fact that he'd let me go without giving me a chance before, and I didn’t really want to work for him again. But the job paid better than the temporary jobs, so I took it hoping something better would come along soon. I knew I could do the camera work with no problem, and this time he seemed very satisfied with my work. Neither of us mentioned that it wasn't the first time I had worked there.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents

Chapter 48
Home Life and Yet Another Job

By BethShelby

During the summer months, I bought all kinds of activity books for the children so they could stay up to date with their learning skills. I took them to the library often, and had them choose books they were interested in reading. I rewarded them with prizes, if they read the books or completed a certain amount of pages in the activity books.  Because Don and Christi had late December birthdays allowing  them to start school younger than most of their classmates, they needed the extra summer work to hopefully boost their learning skills. The church school wouldn’t have allowed them to start school at five.

When school started again, Carol was in fourth grade and the twins were in third. They had the same teacher again since the first four grades were in one room. The teacher was very motivated and full of creative ideas. She used contests and games where the kids could develop their natural talents. Christi and Carol both had good singing voices, and they sang together at times in class talent shows. Since the school was small, the children brought their lunches, but once a week they were provided a hot meal by the parents. The mothers took turns preparing enough food for all of the children. Luckily for me, there were enough mothers who didn’t work, so that I only had to do it a couple of times.

The Church had family socials once a month where the adults and children would gather in the church recreation room for a meal and games. We would all bring salads, sandwiches, and deserts and enjoy getting better acquainted with the church family.  On one occasion, the children put on a program for the group. Christi sang solo. Her song was “His Eye Is On the Sparrow.” Unlike Don she didn’t forget the words, but she closed her eyes tightly throughout the whole song. I guess that was her way of avoiding being intimidated by the audience--just pretending they don’t exist.

You and I tried to help the kids with their homework. Christi and Carol didn’t seem to need much help. Christi was an excellent speller and was quick at memorizing. Math came easy for Carol. If they were assigned books to read, sometimes I would read them aloud to the children. All of them seem to be good with any type of art project they were given. Don needed more help with the subjects because he was so hyper. He had a very short attention span and had trouble concentrating. When given spelling words or math problems, he acted as though we were playing a guessing game.  He would call out random letters or numbers without trying to think. His hands were always busy taking something apart or throwing a ball in the air and catching it.

I did discover the one thing that Don excelled at doing and that was building models. I started buying model kits for his age group, but he was soon able to build much more more complicated ones. You would think he would have treasured his creations. Instead as soon as an airplane or car was finished, he was ready to pretend it was in a horrible crash, and he would destroy it.

I was concerned about some of the violent things he did to his toys. For instance, I would find his GI Joe or his Western figures hanging by their necks or with darts stuck in them and oozing ketchup blood. When he was younger, I had to put a stop to his torturing insects and worms, but now it was army men and human figures that he was mutilating. I hoped it was only a stage and not something that would require counseling. I was thankful that in time he did outgrow the tendency toward violent behavior.
********

I worked about four months at the Graphic Arts firm doing camera work, and I enjoyed the work, but I missed working for a printing company. Then another printing plant offered a job for a company artist. I went for an interview and was hired. My boss wasn't happy to see me leave, but I didn't feel bad about leaving, since he'd let me go years before without a notice, when his artist wanted her job back. At least, I did give him the courtesy of a two week notice.  
 
At this printing company, the office manager was Doris Burns, a lady I’d worked with years before, when I got my first job as a proofreader, leading to my interest in the printing field. The company was jointly owned by Brad, a member of the state House of Representatives, who was the sales manager and Henry, the plant manager. Both men had interviewed me and offered me the job. When I told them my salary requirements, they said they would agree to the amount I wanted, but there was a problem. The checks went through Doris, the office manager, and her salary wasn’t as much as I was asking. They were afraid she would be upset. They said they would pay me two separate amounts. One I would get along with everyone else, and an additional amount would be mailed through their CPA. The second amount would be set up after thirty days. I agreed that this would work for me.

When I worked with Doris before, I felt she resented me, but this time, I got to know her better, and we became close friends. Henry, the plant manager and part owner, was a heavy drinker and was also a gambler. He always had a few bottles stashed away in various places around the office. I soon learned, that although he was married, he and Judy, the lady in the camera and stripping department, had an extra-marital affair going. I’m not so sure it was serious with Henry, but Judy made no secret of the fact that she was deeply in love with him. Her husband traveled and was seldom home.

After a month with the company, when I didn’t automatically get the extra check I was promised, I mentioned it to Brad, the office manager. He told me to talk to Henry, and he would take care of it. When I told Henry I needed to talk to him, he said we couldn’t talk at work and suggested we meet for lunch.

The lunch meeting was strange. He agreed to talk to the accountant and get the extra check set up, but then he began talking about himself. He told me that he didn’t want to live any more. He shocked me by saying that he was thinking about killing himself. I didn’t quite know how to take this. I was even more shocked when I realized, he was expecting me to go to a motel with him after the meeting. I was quick to tell him that wasn’t happening.  I realized that I’d made a mistake going to lunch with him. However, I did start receiving the additional check by mail.

One of the art projects I was assigned to work on involved illustrating a book that was a memory book of art and photographs for a lady who was a professor at a black college. Henry had a safe in the art department, and he locked her hundreds of photographs away for safe keeping. He told me to go to her hotel with her and work with her on what she wanted as illustrations for the book.

Although the teacher was an Afro-American, she had extremely light skin and didn’t wear her hair in an ethnic style. In spite of the law banning it, segregation was still very much alive in Mississippi. I was surprised to find her staying in one of Jackson’s better hotels. She was very dignified and spoke perfect and proper English, so I wasn’t sure the manager at the hotel was aware she was black.

I was especially surprised when she took me to lunch at the hotel restaurant. Even though the civil rights act of 1964 had been passed allowing blacks to eat wherever they chose, it was rare to see blacks and whites eating together.  Many places in Mississippi had devised ways of getting around this. They opened private club restaurants where blacks were excluded.  Many restaurants had two sets of menus printed where the prices were much steeper for those they hoped would choose not to eat there. I had been shocked when printing companies where I worked printed such menus.
******

One morning a few weeks later, Henry didn't come in to work. Brad, the office manager, wasn’t able to reach him by phone, and he sent someone to his house to check. It was then we learned that Henry had committed suicide by shooting himself. Judy was devastated. A couple of days later, we closed the plant and all attended the funeral. Doris, Judy and I sat together and afterward, Doris and I went to Judy’s apartment to try to console her. We learned that Henry had gotten deeply in debt by gambling, and apparently, he was about to lose everything. 

For weeks, everyone in the plant tried to open Henry's safe where the pictures were stored for the project I was working on. We had the combination, but only Henry had ever been able to open it. Doris and I had both tried dozens of times, but to no avail. One morning, Doris came in and told me that she’d had a very vivid dream. She said she had walked from the back of the plant into the art department and I had opened the safe. When Doris went back to get coffee, I decided to try one more time. For no logical reason, the safe door swung open just as Doris walked back through. It wasn’t the first time Doris and I had some kind of psychic connection with dreams. It had happened years before when I first met her, and that time I’d been the one who had the prophetic dream.
 
 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents

Chapter 49
Uncertain Future

By BethShelby

Throughout the fifteen years we had been married, you had worked at only two jobs. Since 1957, you'd worked at your present job as a draftsman for an oil company. Although you liked the work and got along well with your co-workers, you had never become comfortable with your immediate supervisor. He was a thorn in your side from day one. If you’d not had a family to support, I believe you would have left long ago.
 
On the other hand, I’d almost lost count of all the times I’d changed jobs. Some of the time, I'd been able to stay home with the children, and you had been the sole wage earner. Many things had happened with my jobs, but in spite of the rumors and layoffs in your company, you remained the one that held our family together.
 
Now you were telling me that rumors were circulating that your company planned to close the Jackson office and move a few of the draftsmen to the New Orleans office. At first, these were only vague rumors, but as time went on, it became a certainty. It was also a fact that only a small part of the drafting crew would be going. You were sure you would not be one of the ones who would be transferred. A few people in your department had already been asked to go, but you had not.
 
We had put down roots in this area. We owned three properties, and both of our families lived in Mississippi. In spite of not knowing what would be next for you, you seemed relieved that you weren't being considered for the transfer. At last, you wouldn't be going to work each day dreading your tenuous relationship with your supervisor.
 
There were a number of others with the company who had not been asked if they were willing to transfer. Mac, who was one of our closer friends, had been with the company over twenty years and was planning to retire in three years. His wife, Mary, was freaking out and calling me every day wondering how they would manage if they weren't asked to go.
 
Knowing that my jobs had not been dependable in the past, I was worried. Good paying drafting jobs didn’t become available that often. I was afraid you would want to sell our new house and move our family to the country, hoping we could make a living with our cattle and timber. It had supplemented our income, but anything involving farming depended on many things we couldn’t control. Besides the children and I liked living where stores and restaurants were convenient.
 
As the weeks went by, one or two of the people who had been tapped for the transfer decided against it. At that point, the supervisor asked if you would be interested in transferring. You didn't give him an immediate answer, but told him you would discuss it with your wife. You obviously didn’t want to go, but I thought it was the thing we should do. It would be an adventure to live in another state. I had been disappointed years before, when you were actually hired in New Orleans, but allowed to take an opening that was available in Jackson.
 
You had a decision to make which involved all of us, so you agreed to pray about it. One day when you were down in the country walking over our property, you said you were troubled and wondering what you needed to do. Suddenly, you heard an audible voice speak, and say the words “Look at your paycheck.” Startled, you looked around thinking someone was talking, but no one was there. You decided it must be a supernatural answer to your prayer. You realized the farm would not bring in enough money to support five people. Even if I continued to work, our standard of living would be reduced dramatically.The money you were making would keep us going until I could find a job in New Orleans.
 
When you got home, you said, “Let’s take the kids to your parents for the weekend, and you and I will go to New Orleans and see what is available to rent. We’re not buying a house down there, because as soon as I can figure out something else, we're coming back home.”
 
The year was 1972. We had only lived in our new home a little over two years. My job was going well at the moment, but with my track record, I couldn't be certain things would continue smoothly. If we stayed in Jackson, I doubted we could afford to keep the kids in a private school. You told me once, when I’d expressed doubt about whether or not we should be buying more land, that I had no sense of adventure. I'm sure your sense of adventure was different from mine, but I was ready to prove you wrong. I grinned and said, “Let’s do it.”
 
When we got to New Orleans, the city had bulldozers and cranes in a section of the city that was being demolished to make room for the Superdome.
 
”Wow!” I said. “We’ll get to watch the Superdome being built.”
 
“No we won’t,” you told me. “They are still demolishing houses. We’ll be long gone before they finish that project.”  
 
How little you knew. We’re lucky we don’t know what the future holds in store.
 
             

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents

Chapter 50
Leaving the State

By BethShelby

When we went to New Orleans for the weekend to see where we might want to live, the first thing we did was buy a newspaper and a map of the city. It didn’t take us long to realize that we didn’t want to live in the downtown area. It was where you would be working, but the apartments in that area didn't seem safe for children.

We found it hard to find our way around because of the many canals running through the area. We would be on the street that should take us where we wanted to go, only to be stopped by coming up to a canal. We saw a policeman and asked him how to find a certain apartment where the rent sounded reasonable. He told us if we wanted to stay alive, we didn’t need to be renting in that area. We soon realized that we couldn’t expect the prices in the big city to be anything like what we were accustomed to.

By the time we left the city, we had decided we liked the Metairie area best from what we had seen. It would be a month or so before the move would take place, and you were still hoping for a reprieve, so we wouldn’t have to go at all. When you had checked out the building where you would be working, you learned parking around there would be expensive. You decided if we moved that you would park your truck in a free spot about half way to downtown and take a city bus the rest of the way.

The church we would attend and the school the children would attend would both require a lot of driving since neither were in Metairie. It looked as though the school would already be in session before we would be able to move. Your company, Chevron, paid for our trip down, and they would also pick up the moving expenses. They would move us twice if we wanted to try an apartment first and later buy a house.  

Back home in Brandon, we continued to live much as we had before. However, since it seemed there would be a probable move in our future, we began looking for homes for our animals. None of the apartments we'd checked out allowed big dogs. Luckily, we were able to find people who were delighted to have them and seemed as though they would be responsible pet owners. We hated giving them up, but it was a sacrifice we had to make.

For several months, the girls and I had been taking piano lessons from a lady who owned a music store on Capitol Street in Jackson. I’d had lessons growing up, but I was rusty and had decided to brush up. Her husband sold me a small guitar for Don and taught our son how to play the instrument.

Mrs. Cagel loved doing recitals and pageants. She called me and said there would be a big Fourth of July celebration on the Ross Barnett Reservoir, a large man-made lake in the Jackson area. She wanted all the girls who were her students to be in a beauty pageant which was part of the activities. “It’s no big deal” she assured me. “It is just for fun. Put them in bathing suits and let them be on stage with the other girls. They’ll enjoy it. The governor will be there and there’ll be refreshments, political speeches, entertainment, and lots of music. After sundown, there will be a big fireworks show over the lake.”

I had no desire to display my girls in a swim-suit competition. They had old bathing-suits which they had practically worn threadbare on our two trips to Hot Springs and to a lake out in the country where we often took them swimming. Carol wasn’t at all sure this was a good idea. Christi seemed okay with it. You’d already planned to spend your holiday at our country place, and the children insisted they didn’t want to go there. In the end, I talked Carol into going along with the music teacher's plan, because I thought the children and I would enjoy the fireworks show later.

When the girls paraded out on the stage, which was set up in a wooded picnic area, I realized the music teacher had not prepared me. Some of the moms took this pageant thing quite seriously. The girls were six to ten. Many of them had been to hair dressers and were wearing tons of  makeup. Their swim costumes looked expensive, and some of them wore sashes proclaiming names of their sponsors. Most of the girls had been trained in walking and modeling. My kids were as cute as any of them, but certainly not prepared for modeling. Luckily, it didn’t last long. I was afraid they’d be embarrassed for their lack of preparation. If they were, they didn’t say much about it. Each of the girls got a silver charm for participating.

I met one of the other mothers, and she and her children hung out with us for the rest of the day. The children and I had never been to a real fireworks show before, and that night, as we sat on the rocks and looked out over the lake, we were mesmerized by the lights of the fireworks reflected in the water. It was a magical evening, and a lovely way to say goodbye to a city which had been my home for all thirteen years of my married life. My children had been born here.

When we got home, you told us you’d spent the day marking off a landing strip on our land. You said if we moved, you’d like to get your own plane so we could get back and forth quickly on weekends. You’d continued your flying lessons and had rented planes by the hour often, but I didn’t realize you wanted to buy one. You still hadn’t logged in enough hours to get your license, but said you were planning to continue flying when we moved.

The children had mixed feelings about the prospect of moving. They hated to leave their friends behind, but New Orleans sounded like an interesting adventure.

Someone made an offer on our house where we’d lived in Jackson. It wasn’t as much as we’d hoped. We had repainted the outside, had the floors sanded and refinished and put on a new roof, but we took the offer anyway. We knew when we moved, it would be better not to have so much real estate to be concerned about. We weren't planning to sell our Brandon house or the farm, because you were hoping we could return before long.

After the suicide and funeral of our plant manager at work, everything had settled down and was going well on my job. I hated to say good-bye to yet another job, but this time I was leaving on my own terms. One has to follow the main bread-winner. Doris and I promised to write each other faithfully. 

Before we moved, we made another trip to New Orleans and rented an apartment not far from Lakeside Mall and near Lake Ponchatrain in Metairie. I had packed a few pieces of china and crystal that I didn't want broken, but the movers insisted on unwrapping it and doing it over.  This move wasn’t bad because the movers came in with packing crates and took care of everything.

They made arrangements to be at the apartment when we arrived so we could show them where to put all the furniture. The apartment was a three-bedroom, two-bath with a very small kitchen and dining room. We took most of our furniture, but we left the refrigerator and a few items we didn’t have a place for at our place in the country.

And so began a new way of life in a big city.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents

Chapter 51
The Beginning of a New Adventure

By BethShelby

The apartment we rented in Metairie, Louisiana was in a large complex. It was a second floor apartment with an outside entrance which meant climbing a narrow staircase. I’m sure the movers weren’t so pleased when they realized they had to take a piano up those stairs. We should have stored it, because I don’t remember anyone ever playing it while we were there. Since the neighbors were so close, we didn’t want to make too much noise, although the apartment below us did play loud music at times and have parties that went on late into the night.

The children were thrilled that the complex had a pool. You never went in it, but the kids and I did. It wasn't long before they met other children that lived in some of the other apartments. I could swim, but not that well, and certainly not well enough to stay afloat with someone on my back. I remember a little boy named Tommy who decided to climb on my back in the water. I actually thought he was going to make me drown. He was playing, but I’d fought my way back to the surface for the third time, when Christi noticed the distressed expression on my face as I came up sputtering and coughing. She yelled “Get off her. You’re killing my mama.” Thankfully he did.

You went to work the Monday after we moved in, and I went to the school to see about getting the children set up for classes. The kids went with me. It was early September, and classes had been in session about a week. When we arrived the principal, who was also a teacher, was talking to a Spanish lady in the foyer. We stood and waited for the conversation to finish. The lady was angry, or at least excited and extremely animated. She spoke loudly with a strong accent that made her hard to understand. She was trying to defend her son who had gotten into some kind of trouble. I felt something tugging on my skirt as I stood waiting, and I looked down into the tragic face of my son. Tears were streaming down his face, and it was apparent that he was frightened out of his wits.

At least half of the children in the school were Spanish or of some other nationality. The grades in this school were combined as the Jackson school had been, but only two grades were together. This time Carol, who would be in fifth, would be with the fifth and sixth graders and Don and Christi who were in fourth grade would be with the third and fourth graders. I made arrangements for them to start the following Monday.

Since the kids didn’t have to be in school this first week, I went out and bought a book about the city, and we went exploring. The very first thing I learned was that the city was divided into various districts. There was the Garden district which was filled with beautiful antebellum homes and gardens. St. Charles Avenue leads through this area, and further down on Magazine Street is the Audubon Zoo and park. At that time, admission to the zoo was free, and I knew we would be spending a lot of time there.

The French Quarter was one place I was anxious to visit, but I didn’t know how safe it was, and I wanted to wait for you before we did that part of town. I wanted to explore the stores on Canal Street and ride the street cars. There was so much to see and do that I didn’t quite know where to start. That first day, we’d dropped you off at work and agreed to pick you up in the afternoon when you got off work. We did quite a bit of driving over the area and checking out interesting things.

We still had over an hour before we had to pick you up, so I decided it would be fun to go to the top of a tall building and look out over the city from above. In 1972, The World Trade Center was one of the taller buildings, at thirty-three stories. There was an elevator to the top where you could walk out and look over the city and the Mississippi River. We found a parking place by a meter and went in the front entrance. The guard at the front desk asked if he could help me, and I told him the children and I would like to go up to the top and look out. He told me he was sorry, but there was no one up there, and that the building had closed for the day. Seeing my disappointment, he reconsidered. “I guess it wouldn't hurt to let you all go up there,” he said. “Just take the elevator all the way to the top, and you can get out and walk around and look at the city. It’s a great view.”

We took the elevator to the top and emerged into a large open area. There was a wall to prevent a person from falling over the side, but it was low enough for all of us to see over. We could walk far enough around to see most of downtown and the Mississippi River. We enjoyed looking around for while. I noticed a door to the side of the elevator. I wondered if there was a telephone inside where I might be able to call you and let you know where we were, in case we were a few minutes late picking you up. I opened a very thick door and walked in, but once inside I realized there was nothing there except a stairwell that led all thirty-three floors down. I turned to go out, only to find the door through which I had entered was locked to the outside.

I started yelling for the children to come open the door, but the thickness of the door prevented any sound from escaping from my side. I knew the children couldn’t hear my voice. I was wearing high-heeled shoes, so I pulled one off and used the heel to bang on the door, but still no one could hear me. Panic was setting in. I could imagine my accident-prone son climbing up on the wall and falling thirty-three stories to his death.

I hadn’t told the children that I was looking for a phone, and doubted if they knew the door was there. What would they do when they saw I was missing?  I was crying and praying and imagining all sorts of horrible scenarios. Then suddenly the door opened and Carol says, “Oh, thank goodness, there you are. I thought you’d left us.” I was so relieved. I gathered my kids together and we took the elevator down. I don’t think I ever went into that building again. We barely made it in time to pick you up.

I can usually be depended on to do something to get myself in trouble. I guess all is well that ends well. I’d had enough adventure for one day. It wouldn’t be the last time I found a reason to panic in this city.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents

Chapter 52
A Bit of Local Culture

By BethShelby

While you spent your first week getting oriented to the new drafting department, the kids and I spent our first week settling in to our new apartment. They got acquainted with several other children who lived in the apartment complex, but I didn't meet any adults.  I assume they worked or stayed to themselves. We located convenient grocery and drug stores and checked out the two large malls which were near us. We also discovered some nearby restaurants that looked interesting.

The kids were delighted to find that there was a snowball stand nearby. One of the first ice shaving machines was invented in New Orleans around 1930, and snowballs became a tradition of the area. Snowball stands were everywhere. There were more flavors than you could count and dozens of ways to mix flavors or add calories by topping them off with cream concoctions.

We didn’t realize it at the time, but the part of Metairie where we had located was in the process of becoming known as Fat City. It was dubbed that by a club owner who adopted the name from a snowball stand with that name. This part of the city was becoming the cool place to go if you lived in the New Orleans area.

Louisiana is divided into parishes instead of counties. The most predominant churches in Orleans parish are Catholic. New Orleans is a melting pot of many different cultures and nationalities. It was first settled by the French, and many of the customs and architectural styles still reflect the French influence.

One of the most interesting places to visit is the French Quarter, otherwise known as the Vieux Carre. The original city developed around this area. For a while, New Orleans was under Spanish control, but then during the French Revolution, it came back under the French rule, until the United States bought it as a part of the Louisiana Purchase.

In the nineteenth century, New Orleans was the largest port city in the South and was located on the Mississippi River. The city is surrounded by water with Lake Pontchartrain on the North and the Missisissippi River winding around the Southern side. There are canals crisscrossing the city everywhere. Much of the city is below sea level, and pumping stations are there to drain the excess water when there is a big rain.

Metairie is in Jefferson Parish, and New Orleans proper is in Orleans Parish where you worked. The protestant church we planned to attend was also in Orleans Parrish on St. Charles Avenue, in what was known as the Garden District. That weekend, we attended church, and we were warmly welcomed and encouraged to stay for the noon meal prepared as potluck for visitors.

It happened to be the new pastor’s first day to be there as well. He had a daughter who was Carol’s age and would be in her class at school. We learned the sister church also had a new pastor that day. He, too, had a daughter Carol’s age who would be in school with her on Monday.

The reason the other church had a new pastor was a tragic story. A couple of weeks before, the pastor had been conducting a baptism in the baptismal pool at the front of the sanctuary. Soaking wet, he reached for the microphone in order to say a few words. He was instantly electrocuted. What a horrible thing for a congregation to witness.

On Monday morning, I drove the children to school and met one of the other mothers, who happened to live in an apartment on our same street. She and her husband were looking for someone in order to carpool, and we were able to work out a schedule so one of us could bring the children in the morning and the other pick them up in the afternoon. Like us, they were new to the city, and they had a son in Carol’s class.

When I picked the children up that afternoon, I was relieved to find that the day had gone well for all of them. In spite of Don’s earlier anxiety over starting school in a strange place, he seemed to have adjusted and was getting to know some boys his age. Christi had already made a friend that lived only a street away in another apartment complex.

Since things were falling into place with the children and your job, I got a newspaper and scanned the ads for possible work for me. There was a weekly newspaper that was looking for someone who could do camera work and negative stripping, so I went for an interview and was hired.

The job was located on Airline Highway, which was between where we lived and the children’s school. The hours worked out so that the children wouldn't be alone in the apartments for long before one of us would be home. At nearly eleven, Carol was pretty responsible, and she knew if they were alone a little while, they were to stay inside with the doors locked.

At my new job, I learned I would be working with an older man, who would be doing most of the camera work. Vicente was a Cuban refugee. He had been a ship captain, and the Castro regime had forced him and his family to flee Cuba with only the clothes they were wearing and little else. He was of German decent, but he’d been born in Cuba, so his native language was Spanish. He was a very kind and highly intelligent man, and we established a good working relationship early on.

Several of the other men who worked in the stripping department were also Spanish. A couple of them were from Guatemala, and another was from Ecuador. I began to realize New Orleans was like no place I’d ever been before. It was a bit of a cultural shock. I almost felt as if we'd moved to another country.

The printing plant was open twenty-four hours a day during the week. The presses were much larger than any I had worked with before. There were three shifts, and I was on the main day shift. In addition to a weekly parish newspaper, there were several Spanish newspapers and also weekly ads for many of the stores in Jefferson, Orleans and other surrounding parishes which were printed at this plant. The company had a well-staffed art department. The man who headed up that department was French, and he was married to a Chinese lady.

Some of the people we had met at church were from the Irish Channel section of the city, and they spoke with a whole different dialect and used expressions that were new to me. Most of them talked fast and loud and rather harshly. What I called closets, they called lockers. They washed their hands in `zinks'. They put gaz-a- line in their cars. The pronunciation of vegetables was veg-e-tables. They went to the grocery store, not to buy groceries, but to “make groceries.” Instead of asking their children if they needed to go potty, they asked “Do you need to go make?”  If they were calling their child it was not "come here" but rather "come by me."

New Orleans is known for its food and gourmet cooking, but that is a subject for another day. There were two vegetables people introduced us to which we'd never eaten before, and they became favorites for us after we got used to them. Both of them grew on vines on fences. One was the mirliton, a member of the gourd family. They  looked something like a green squash. The other they called Chinese okra but it is actually lupus that can be dried and used as a course sponge. If picked green, sliced, fried and seasoned with cajun spices, it is quite tasty.

New Orleans is in the heart of South, but the people didn’t speak the slow soft Southern drawl which we were used to. Some say it sounds more like the brogue of Brooklyn. Just across the lake was the city of  Slidell, which was more like the South we were used to. Most of the transfers from your Jackson office decided to settle there. I guess they weren’t up for the cultural adventure.

Another group we became acquainted with were the Cajuns or Creoles who were the Arcadian French speaking people who had been forced out of the Nova Scotia region of Canada by the British around 1755. They migrated to South Louisiana and lived in the swamps and bayous below New Orleans, but some had eventually made it back up to New Orleans. They had adopted their own semi-English dialect and many of them brought some interesting customs and a mixture of Catholic and Voodoo religion.

We realized that living here was going to be an adventure we hadn’t expected. I was open to learning all I could about the various people who called this place home. Our children adjusted easily and took it all in stride. You were more inclined to work towards getting back to your roots, where you found life more comfortable.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents

Chapter 53
Possum Tales

By BethShelby

The kids hadn’t been in school many days when they came home excited to tell me that Lyndon, the boy who they rode home with in the afternoon, had gone to his grandparent's farm in the country over the weekend, and he'd found some baby opossums, abandoned when the mother was hit by a car and killed.

“Mom, you should see them. They’re adorable. They curl their little tails around his finger, and he holds them up, and they just hang there. His parents won’t let him keep them. He’s going to have to get rid of them. Could we have them? Please?” Carol begged.

I’m like a kid when it comes to baby animals. I wanted to see the baby possums too. I knew it wasn’t a smart idea. We didn’t have a pet deposit, and I wasn’t even sure if we could get one. Then I thought, they would be so tiny. How would anyone know we had them? The apartment manager had never been around. I hesitated. “I doubt if we could keep them here. I’m not sure your daddy would let us. Maybe we can keep them a day or two, until Lyndon can find someone to take them. We’ll ask your dad when he gets home.”

“Are you nuts?” you asked me. “We can’t keep possums in this place. We’re in the city. Possums can’t live in apartments.”

“Well, I told the kids maybe we could keep them until Lyndon can find someone else who could take them. Kids need pets. They learn about animals that way. They had to give up their dogs, you know.”

“You do what you want to, but I’m not having anything to do with them,” you said, stalking off toward the bedroom to take off your tie.

The following morning, I gave Carol a large woven wood purse with a latch at the top. It had enough small openings that I figured the babies could breathe without escaping. “You can bring them home today, but tell Lyndon he’s going to have to find someone else to take them.”

That afternoon when I got home, all three of my kids had a little possum hanging by its tail on their finger. I picked up the fourth one, and it opened it’s pointed mouth, showing two rows of tiny sharp-looking  teeth, and hissed at me. “Ooh…I don’t think he likes me. Those teeth look dangerous. I’m not sure this is a good idea.”

“He won’t hurt you. They’re just babies," Don assured me.  

“Well they can’t live in that purse all the time. We need to fix up a place where they can have water and something to eat. What do they eat?”

“Lyndon said he tried some cereal and they ate a little with milk, but he said just try some stuff and maybe they’ll start eating.”

We decided that since the middle half-bath was a small room, it might be a good place for them. As long as we kept the door closed, they wouldn’t be able to get out. We put some water and food in there to see how they would do. Before the day was over, someone had left the door open long enough for one to escape. After searching the apartment for nearly an hour, we gave up.

Two days later we heard a strange noise coming from behind the refrigerator. We moved it back enough to find and rescue the tiny creature. Someone left the commode top up in the bathroom, and I found one floating in the water. To my surprise, he was still alive and seemed no worse for the swim. They were constantly escaping. Before long we'd moved every piece of furniture in the apartment more than once.

****
By the weekend, we’d been in the apartment two weeks, and you were ready to go back to Mississippi. We went to my parents first, and the baby possums came with us in the wooden purse. My dad wasn’t pleased. Those were not creatures he wanted any part of. Naturally, a couple of them escaped in his house while we were there. We found one of them, but the other was never seen again. I couldn’t prove it, but I suspected my dad had something to do with its disappearance.

When we left my home, we went to visit your mom at her apartment in Newton. She was still grieving the loss of your dad, but she seemed happy to see us. When we left her place, we went to our place in the country and spent Saturday night. 

Even though the house was still just a shell with unsealed rooms, we did have some beds there now. Mom had given us the twin beds and mattress sets which were the ones I'd grown up with. Your mom had loaned us a double bed, which she had no room for when she moved to Newton. We also had a folding cot, so we had enough to make this a good place to camp.

We had a hotplate for making coffee and doing light cooking, so we didn't go hungry while there. We spent Sunday morning walking over our hundred and forty-three acres, much of which was woodland. You had a neighbor looking after our cattle. and he had a couple of his horses on the land.

For a while, we went back to Mississippi every other weekend. It was less than a three hour drive on the highway. On the weekends, when we stayed at home in Metairie, we would attend church.

The church usually had a game night over at the school on Saturday night. People would bring board games and the kids and other young people would sometimes play volleyball or basketball in the gym. There was always popcorn and other refreshments available. I enjoyed the games. It was a good way to get acquainted with people. You weren’t into games, and sometimes the kids and I went alone. You seemed happy to stay home and watch TV or listen to music.
 
Often during the week, you and I would get out of the apartment and walk around exploring the neighborhood. There were mostly apartments around us, but we weren’t far from the West Esplanade canal and Lake Pontchartrain. In a construction site near us, Carol found a red leather wrist band, and it became a part of her daily attire.

****
We hadn't been living in the apartment long when your mother decided she wanted to come spend a week with us. When your mom traveled, she always brought every garment she owned. She couldn’t have worn them all if she lived with us for a year.

At the time, one of the little possums had been missing for nearly a week. We put your mom on Don’s single bed, and I made him a bed on the couch. In the middle of the night we heard the most piercing series of yelps and screams. Your mom ran out of her room into the hallway in her nightgown. with her head tied up in curlers. She was shaking all over and sputtering something about a wild animal in her bed. Of course, what we discovered was the missing baby possum. He was ready for some food and water.

I’m sure your mom wasn’t at all pleased, that I was choking back the tears, while trying to control my laughter. It was not at all appropriate behavior for a daughter-in-law, but she couldn’t have known how funny she looked and sounded. It is a wonder she ever came to visit us again..

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 54
First Year and First Mardi Gras

By BethShelby

Our life in the apartment in Metairie lasted about ten months, during which a hodgepodge of incidents stand out in my memory, many of which are not memorable enough to merit over a paragraph, so please bear with me if this portion seems disconnected.

Strange items began appearing in our apartments regularly such as posters and other things I’d never seen before. When I questioned the children, I learned that the kids in the complex, including mine, made a regular habit of dumpster diving. Their favorite time was when someone was moving out of an apartment and was trying to rid themselves of unnecessary baggage. One kid almost got himself loaded off to the dump when the garbage truck appeared unexpectedly.
***
Once someone left three new rock albums on my car.  They were still in unopened cellophane and probably expensive, but not my taste in music. They were Led Zeppelin, Cream, and Black Sabbath. I didn’t want them, but we couldn’t find the owner. Carol eventually gave them to her rock fan cousin.  
***
Christi had made a friend at school that lived in a nearby apartment. She came over a few times, and after she left, I began to notice a few little things missing. One thing was a magnifying tool, called a linen tester, that Christi admitted they had been playing with. It was something I’d bought in Jackson and used on my job at work. There were also some odds and ends from my jewelry box missing. The child’s mother was a teacher, and I dreaded having to let her know her child was stealing. I had Christi ask the girl if she had taken the things, but she denied it. Apparently her mother noticed the items and made the child return them. After that, she wasn’t allowed over for visits again.
***
One night, a man who lived in a nearby apartment came over and asked you if you drove into New Orleans every day. You told him you drove part of the way and rode the bus the rest of the way. He said his car had broken down and asked if he could ride with you the next day. You agreed, and he continued riding with you everyday. It appeared that he didn’t intend to get his car fixed. It wasn’t sitting well with you. He’d never offered to help you with gas, and you finally told him this was supposed to be a temporary arrangement, and you would like him to find another way to work. You felt he was taking advantage of you.
***
Three trips to the emergency room stand out. The first involved Christi. The kids in the apartment complex couldn’t seem to stay away from the construction site one lot over. They had been chased away several times. One day, Christi came home wearing a half inch piece of metal pipe on her finger that she insisted made a good ring. Unfortunately, it went on easily enough, but neither soapy water, butter, nor anything else we could find, would remove it. It had to be cut off in the emergency room, and Christi was sure they were going to cut off her finger as well.  She earned another trip when she got her little finger caught when the car door was slammed.  This time, I was the one who was afraid that she'd lose a finger, but it was only slightly bruised. 

Another trip came about when Don decided to explore a box in which you kept your fishing lures. I have no idea how that hook got so deeply embedded in his leg, before he realized every twist he made trying to release it, caused it to become more deeply entrenched. I couldn't imagine him trying to get it out himself, because it really looked painful. His fear of hospitals had to do with an aversion to needles.  He dreaded the tetanus shot more than the hook in his leg.
***
Privacy in the apartment was a problem, and it played havoc with our love life. The locks didn’t work well, and it was impossible to make the children go to sleep on command. One night in the middle of an intimate encounter, the top popped off the laundry basket at the foot of my bed and Christi shouted “Surprise!” She was right. It was a surprise; most likely for her as well. However at eight-years-old, I doubt if she suspected her mom and dad might be involved in anything out of the ordinary. She was pretty naive. When she managed to find, and open a pack of condoms, she told me she had found the perfect material for making a raincoat for her Barbie.
***
In February, New Orleans celebrated Mardi Gras. Parades had been going on for several weeks, but we were waiting for Mardi Gras day, which is always celebrated on the Tuesday before Lent. I was looking forward to that since I heard so much about it. Our church on St. Charles Ave. was right beside the parade route. We were told they would open their basement and provide some refreshment for anyone who wanted to have a place to see the parade or take a break with access to restrooms. We decided to go, having no idea what to expect. As we drove toward the area, we were amazed to see all the cars and excitement going on. All the businesses were closed, and the city was in full carnival mode. We drove around, and quickly learned, parking was going to be almost impossible.

We ended up getting back on the interstate wondering what we should do. By the St Charles St. exit, several cars were pulled off on the side of the exit ramp. It's illegal to park on an interstate exit ramp, but the cars were parked there. “Apparently the rules don’t apply on this one day of the year. Everyone is parking here, and there is one space left. Let’s get it before someone else does,” I suggested. “Well there is nowhere else to park. I guess we have no choice.” you said. The whole family piled out and went to see what Mardi Gras was all about.

The walk over to the church only took a few minutes, in spite of the crowds milling around. The parade route was already about four or five people deep, although the  parade wasn’t due to start for another hour. We found a spot across from the church. People were pushing carts up and down the street, selling drinks and cotton candy. Some people wore purple eye-masks and everyone was in a festive mood. There was the smell of beer and caramel in the air. Everyone was carrying bags to gather loot which they would accumulate as the floats passed.  Purple, gold and green streamers were everywhere.

Eventually the parade started with marching bands playing parade music, and Shriners and clowns driving in little cars. When floats started passing, the people on the floats were in elaborate costumes and the floats were grandly decorated each with a theme. I learned later that the day after Mardi Gras work begins on decorating for the following year.  People started screaming, “Throw me something, Mister.” and showers of doubloons and beads and all sorts of other trinkets started raining down on us.

We had our hands full trying to keep the kids from getting lost in the crowd. I was as excited as the children. More than one parade passed. The parades are put on by clubs called krewes and most of them have names of Greek or Roman gods like Atlas, Zeus or Poseidon. This went on most of the day. We accumulated bags of trinkets. I was picking up everything that hit the ground. At one point, a big angry-looking dude dropped the comb from his Afro, and I grabbed it, thinking it was a trinket from the float. I thought he was going to conk me over the head when he snatched it from me and hissed “That’s mine.” 

We were all worn out when the parades ended, and we started back to the car.  There were no cars on the interstate ramp. They had all been towed away. We were sick. We had to find a pay phone and call a taxi, which took forever. When we got home, we got our truck and some money to pay the fine, and went back to the yard where towed cars are kept. The lot stayed open late, no doubt making a killing off all the towed cars.

The way our evening ended left you with a negative feeling about the celebration of Fat Tuesday, another name for Mardi Gras. You are a person who hates crowds to begin with, and I had a feeling it would be hard to get you to participate again. A whole year would pass before we had to decide about that.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 55
Reasons For Concern

By BethShelby

A big disappointment for you occurred when you decided it was time to get back into flying. You went to the airport to rent a plane, but you found the planes for rent at this airport weren’t the same type you were used to flying. You did rent one of another type which was available, but I think something must have happened that frightened you. Maybe it was the fact that the controls or the handling of the plane was different, or maybe it was as you said, the airport traffic was just too heavy in New Orleans. At any rate, you only went up once.  I know you still hoped to fly, but you decided to postpone that dream until you returned to Mississippi.

****

At the end of February, Carol celebrated her eleventh birthday in the apartments. Dad, Mom and my Aunt Chris and her adopted son, Keith, who was a little older than Carol, came up for the day. They brought presents for Carol, and she opened them and presents we had gotten for her after our little party. One item I’d bought for her birthday was her first training bra. When she opened it in front of Keith, she turned crimson from embarrassment. My kids were sensitive that way. The idea of growing up didn’t seem to appeal to any of them. 

Dad drove back to Mississippi with Aunt Chris and Keith, but Mom had brought her luggage and planned to stay for a week. We had an odd telephone system in the apartments. You could dial your own number and hang up, and the phone would ring. The kids decided to play a prank on Mother. They dialed and hung up. When the phone rang, one of the girls told Mother the phone was for her. When she picked it up, Christi got on the other line and somehow managed to disguise her voice enough to convince Mom she was calling from the FBI. She told her that there was a warrant out for her arrest. She actually had Mom believing her. Mom was seriously upset. I can remember pulling silly pranks like that when I was young, so I guess they might have gotten that trait from me.  

My mom had other things on her mind, which I wasn't aware of when she told me she was coming for a visit. I learned from her that Dad had been making her life miserable. I think he was frustrated because he’d worked all his life, and after the owner retired and sold the store where he’d worked, the new owner wanted to use one of his own family to do the job Dad had been doing. Now Dad was sixty-three and without a job for the first time in his life. He didn’t know what to do with himself, and had been taking his anger out on Mom. 

She’d left him once years before, but had gone back when he begged and agreed to change his ways. He was still working then, and things had worked well for a while. I hadn’t realized when Mom wanted to come for a visit that she wasn’t planning to go back home. I got very upset when she told me. “Mom, you’re using us. You can’t do that to Dad. You know how pathetic he was when you left before. You need to talk to him, and try to work it out.”

“You know I can’t talk to your Dad. He just gets mad and curses at me. I’ve had all I can take. It’s time I did something for me. I’ve already talked to my friend, Sarah and she has room for me to stay with her till I can get a job.”

“Well you’re not leaving from here. Dad expects us to bring you home this weekend. You’re not leaving us to deal with him. He’s liable to shoot himself. He won’t know how to live without you.”

There were some tears and I felt sorry for her, but she finally agreed to go back. Maybe I was wrong, but I wasn't sure my Dad could handle being left alone. If he’d been mentally abusing me, I probably wouldn’t have wanted to stay around either. Still, I felt her leaving from our apartment would put us in the middle of their troubles. Mom was very upset to have her plans changed, but she did allow us to take her home at the end of the week. 

*** 

You did something regarding your job, which could have ended with us returning to Mississippi. You wrote a letter to the department head over your supervisor, and aired your grievances against him, which you'd been nursing for years.  You told him the reasons you found the relationship you'd had with your supervisor to be something you couldn't continue to tolerate. You asked if it would be possible to transfer to another drafting department. Otherwise you could no longer work there.

You showed me the letter before you sent it. I was extremely anxious about what the repercussions might be. I wondered if you were doing this just because you wanted to go back to Mississippi, but I didn't try to talk you out of sending it. I decided it wasn't fair for you to have to dread going to work every day, and I'd have to live with whatever happened. 

When your supervisor learned you'd asked for a transfer from his department, he was furious because you'd gone over his head. Nevertheless, the transfer was granted, and you found working conditions in the other department to be much more relaxed. I was very relieved, because I wasn't ready to leave the area.  

*** 

Something had happened at the apartment that made us uneasy about continuing to live there. We had to chain the children's bikes beneath our apartment, and a couple had been stolen. We found those abandoned in a vacant lot, by whoever had taken them, but at Christmas, one of Christi's main gifts had been a brand new banana-seat bike. It was stolen by someone only a week after she got it, and we'd never found it.

If we planned to move again, we would have to do it during the first year, in order for Chevron to move us again at no cost. I thought it was time we started thinking about buying a house. Things seemed to be going better for you, since you had transferred to another department, so you agreed to start looking.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents. I've been out of town two weeks. I'll try to catch up with reading my fan's posts soon. Thanks for continuing to read my story.

Chapter 56
Life is Full of Changes

By BethShelby

On weekends, we began looking at open houses. We contacted an agent, and he made appointments that took us to houses all over Jefferson Parish, but nothing really appealed to us. Most of the lots were small, and the houses were close together and priced above our budget. We'd both been raised on acreage, and that is what we preferred. We realized we'd need to revise our preferences while we lived in this part of the world.

One day, I found a new listing in the paper for a house for sale by owner, and I called about it. A lady with a foreign accent informed me that she had a buyer come by and look that morning, and he had immediately signed a contract to buy it.

She said I could come by and look anyway, in case the contract fell through. The price was very reasonable, and I felt compelled to go look. The house was owned by a Norwegian couple. The man was a sea captain and was away most of the time, but his wife had power of attorney to sell. I fell in love with the house.  It was in a great location, just a block from the lake. I liked the white stone-cut brick exterior. The lots on both sides were empty.  I just felt that this was the house we were supposed to buy. It was disappointing to know that it had been scooped up by someone as soon as the listing hit the paper. Mrs. Larson took my number and said if anything should change, she would give me a call.  After that, I had no desire to look further.
 
"Come with me and look at the house that I want us to buy," I begged you.
 
"But you said the lady told you it was already sold.  What is the point of me looking?" you asked.
 
"I can't help but feel this is our house. It won't hurt you to look.  Come see if you like it."  So we drove over and you liked it, but you only saw it from the outside. You were convinced it was foolish to pin my hopes on a house that was already sold.
 
Three weeks later, Mrs. Larson called to say that the contract had fallen through. The buyer couldn't qualify to buy the house. This time you went with me to look inside. It was a three bedroom, two bath home with a living room and a kitchen dining area.  It was only a couple of years old. The lot was narrow, but the backyard was fairly large and full of trees. The front was landscaped with flowering bushes. There were a lot of pines that she had planted, because pine trees made her think of her home in Norway.  It only had a single carport, but since the lot beside it was empty, and the owner wasn't planning to sell, there would be a spot to park your truck.  You hated having houses so close as they were in most neighborhoods, so you agreed this would work for us. The price was only $30,000, which would fit well into our budget. We signed a contract immediately.
 
We continued going back to Mississippi once or twice a month. Since no one was living in our Brandon home, the insurance company decided to cancel our policy. This seemed to be a sign that it was time to let it go, so we turned it over to an agent, who sold it quickly. Selling that place where you'd worked so hard to make our forever home, was like letting go of a dream for you.  We'd lived there less than two years. We made a small profit on the place which allowed us to put more down on the house we were buying.  When we closed on the new house, we'd been living in the area about nine months. Chevron sent the movers to our apartment to pack everything and move us to our new location.
 
Our new house was about a mile away from where the apartment was. It was in an area where new houses were going up. Mrs. Larson was anxious to move back to Norway, and she had a dog which she couldn't take with her.  So in addition to the house, we got a little mixed terrier, named Blackie. The problem was the dog didn't eat dog food. His diet consisted mostly of rice. Rice was not on the menu at our house, so Blackie began taking most of his meals down the street with a neighbor, who served him rice regularly. He had a sharp little bark which he used frequently. He had another habit that was especially annoying to anyone riding down our street on a bike. He would chase them down the street barking and nipping at the ankles of the rider.
 
Don, once again, had his own room and Carol and Christi shared a room. We bought bunk beds for the girls. You and I explored our new location and discovered that we could walk a block down to where a pumping station was located beside a canal, and there was a path that led back to a paved walking and bike trail that went for miles along Lake Pontchartrain. It was lined with trees on one side and large rocks on the lake side. Since everything in Jefferson Parrish and most of Louisiana is flat, it was easy to walk or ride bikes without getting overly heated or tired. Trips to the lake soon became a daily excursion.  Even the kids liked these hikes.

****
Since working at the newspaper, I'd been made head of the department during my shift. At one point, I had problems with a mean tempered Spanish guy, who resented being told what to do by a female.  We had some strong words, and he stomped out, threatening to get even with me.

Another day, the shift had ended and everyone had gone home in my department, I assumed the pressmen were still working, and I had some work I needed to finish. When I got ready to leave, I realized I was the only person left in a large, old, and very eerie building, and it was starting to get dark outside. To my dismay, I was locked in. I found a number and got in touch with the plant manager, but he was far enough away that it was going to be an hour before he could get someone to come and let me out. I called you and told you my plight. You and the kids came over and sat in the car, until I could be released by one of the senior pressmen, who had a key. That part of Airline Highway wasn't the safest spot in the city.

Vicente, the Cuban refugee I mentioned earlier, was the only highlight of my work at this printing plant. He was a pleasure to work with. He had great relationships with his family and an interesting history to talk about. At one point he brought me a large, skillfully-crafted model of a boat which he had made and said he'd like me to give it to my son. In turn, I gave him an oil painting I had done of a seascape. To me, this was proof that men and women could work together as friends without anyone getting wrong ideas. There were morally decent men in the work force, unlike some of the guys I had worked with in past jobs.

Work had slowed down, and the plant manager decided to go to two shifts. He said he would need me to head up the night shift. I wasn't about to work nights.  We didn't need the money that bad, so once again, I went looking for work. This time I found an ad for one of the better printing companies. They were looking for someone to strip negatives and make printing plates.  This company was set up to do the kind of work I'd been trained for in Nashville. They were using the better masking paper and vinyl sheets that makes color-process work stable. The company was located near where we lived, so this seemed an ideal place to work.

With a new house and a new job, other changes were in the making. It was September and another school year was starting. The people I'd carpooled with during the Spring semester had moved away, and I'd found another couple to carpool with. They had two boys, a little younger than my children.

In October, I missed a period and began to count the days, before I could go to a doctor to find out if another child might be on the way. In 1972, it wasn't possible to run to the drugstore for a pregnancy test.  An early test meant killing a female rabbit to examine its ovary. I figured I could wait one more month and spare the rabbit. This would definitely not be a planned pregnancy. You thought three children was the perfect number and another child might mean your plans for an early retirement were slipping away. On the other hand, now that my other children were older, I missed having a little one to hold, and my biological clock was still ticking at age thirty-four.  We would know soon enough.

 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents. Picture of sunset on trail along Lake Ponchatrain

Chapter 57
Medical, and Other Concerns

By BethShelby

When I missed my second period, I went looking for a gynecologist and made an appointment. It didn’t take long for him to confirm my suspicions. You didn’t have a lot to say about it, but I think you saw your trip back to the farm take giant leap backwards. We decided to keep the news under wraps until it became obvious. The psychic had struck again. This would be our fifth child if we counted Susan, who had died at two months.  
 
The only person I told about my pregnancy was my friend Doris, from my last job in Jackson. She is the one person, with whom I seemed to have some kind of psychic connection. We had both had strange dreams about each other that had come true. Since we’d moved to the New Orleans area, I continued to correspond with her by letter. Within days, I got a letter from her saying she’d had another dream about me, and she thought I probably had some news I might like to share with her. I wrote her and confirmed that once again her dreams were accurate.
---------
You doubled down on our trips back to Mississippi, so you could spend as much time as possible doing work to our unfinished house in the country. You’d built some furniture and a workshop at the back of our lot in Jackson, but all of your carpentry skills were self-taught. You’d never hung drywall, but you were determined to do it. 

As usual, you did everything the hard way. People who had been trained on the job in the building trade, would likely have laughed at your methods. Being a careful person and skilled in using rulers and t-squares, your way of accomplishing things worked, but were very time consuming. Instead of scoring with a sharp knife, which you later learned would have been a better way, you drew it off with a pencil and used a hand saw for cutting. You had Don, at nine, trying his best to be of help. 
-----------
At church, the new pastor had decided New Orleans needed a new church. The property in the Garden District downtown was prime real-estate, but the church was old and outdated. Pastor Griffin had some building experience, and he talked the board into relocating the church to Metairie.  It came as a pleasant surprise to us that the property he found for sale was just slightly over a block from our new house. One of the members, who was an architect, drew up the plans, and work started immediately. Now instead of miles of driving in heavy traffic, our church would be in walking distance.
 
This pastor was someone who knew how to get things done quickly by using the talents of the members. In the Jackson church, you’d served as a deacon, and I taught in the primary division. Now we were, not only contributing extra money for building expenses, but the pastor had me doing art work and you contributing manual labor.
 
Not long after we were there, I was elected to a leadership role in the church activities before the preaching service began each week, and you were elected as a church elder. For me, it meant that I had to plan thirty minute programs involving making an inspirational talk and finding members willing to do vocal arrangements and offer prayer. I’d taken speech courses in college, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t subject to stomach butterflies while speaking publicly in front of a large audience.

My talks were well received, but no matter how much I thought about what I would say during the week, nothing ever came together for me, until the wee hours of the morning on the day I would give the talk. I would set my clock for four am and do a lot of anxious praying. Somehow, at that point, my mind would clear, and I’d know what I needed to say. I wonder if preachers ever go through that kind of anguish preparation for their sermons.
------
You and I both avoided going to doctors unless faced with an emergency. During a routine physical with your job, the doctor decided you needed to be on blood pressure medicine. You and I both had what is referred to as “white coat syndrome”, because when faced with a doctor or someone wearing a stethoscope, our blood pressure sky-rocketed. I think you might have avoided a lot of problems if you’d never been put on the medicine, because the medication caused side effects which you’d never experienced before.
 
In my case, I suffered from a heart rhythm problem. I’d had it since shortly after the twins were born. The first time it happened, I had just turned a cartwheel in my parents yard, when my heart went from its normal 70 beat per minute to around 160. Some people can’t feel the change in rhythm, but I feel it immediately, and in the beginning, I was convinced I was dying. 
 
If I rested, the beat would usually return to normal in 30 minutes or less. It occured if I stooped or reached up suddenly. Sometimes it happened if something made me anxious. I would become very short of breath and have to lie down. Eating excessive sweets also seem to trigger my heart palpitations.
 
When it went into the rapid beat several times within a month, I did go to a cardiologist, and after doing a few tests, he said my heart didn’t seem damaged. Since it wasn’t happening while I was there, he really couldn’t diagnose the problem. I had met a few other people who claimed to have the same symptoms, so I decided it was something I’d have to learn to deal with. I finally discovered a way to massage or press the artery on the left side of my throat which would usually cause the beat to normalize.
 
In time I would learn more, but since the doctor hadn’t helped, I tried avoiding things that caused problems, and I was uneasy that it might happen when I was speaking, or worse yet, while I was giving birth. As things were, it continued to cause me considerable stress each time it happened. I think you were as concerned about me as I was myself.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 58
Growing Waist & Flaring Tempers

By BethShelby

It wasn’t long before our adopted dog, Blackie, caused enough problems that you decided it was time for him to have a new home. One day, a man and his young daughter were riding bikes down our street, and Blackie chased after them, attacking their heels as they rode. The man got off his bike shouting angrily at you.
 
“If you don’t do something about the dog, I’m calling the pound. He tried to bite my daughter, and if he had, I’d sue you for everything you have.”
 
You tried to explain that we’d just moved in, and that the lady who lived here before left her dog behind.  That didn't seem to matter to the irate man. He wanted someone to take responsibility.  
 
I hated to see Blackie go. He was a cute little guy. He looked like he was smiling when he opened his mouth and wagged his tail, but that incident earned him a home in the country. The next time we went to Mississippi, Blackie went with us, and you gave him to the man, who was keeping an eye on the cattle, which we still owned. There were no more bicycles for him to chase.  I’m sure he had to learn some new skills, since he had never seen a cow before.
*******

On one of our trips to Mississippi, we were driving on a state highway, which has county roads coming into it, with only stop signs to limit access.  A man, in an old pickup, didn't bother to stop at the sign and plowed into the side of our car, which spun out of control in a complete circle before coming to a stop.  Cars still weren't equipped with seat belts in the early seventies. It was a miracle that none of us appeared to be hurt, but I've never seen you quite so angry.

The man stopped long enough for you to give him a severe tongue-lashing.  You told him that your wife was pregnant, and his action might cause me to lose the baby. You also told him that he could have killed us all. We called the cops and got his name, but found out that he was not carrying insurance.  When our insurance tried to sue him for damages to the side of our car, he declared bankruptcy. We didn't sign off with our company for the rest of my pregnancy, just to make sure the baby would be okay.
********

We were still in the process of getting to know the city, and sometimes when we didn’t leave town on the weekends, we did some exploring. The French Quarter was an interesting place to walk. The houses were very old and many dated back before the Civil War. Most were enclosed behind high wrought iron fences or stone walls with broken glass embedded in a layer of concrete near the top, to discourage anyone who might try to climb over. There were all sorts of unique shops selling souvenirs, clothing, paintings, antiques, and the ever popular voodoo objects. French Restaurants and Coffee shops were everywhere.

Jackson Square was an interesting tourist attraction in the heart of the quarters. In 1803, it was the site of the Louisiana Purchase, which made Louisiana a part of US territory. In the middle of the square was a larger than life statue of General Andrew Jackson riding a horse with its front legs in the air. On one side of the square is the beautiful St. Louis Cathedral, which was usually open for visitors. The cathedral is flanked by the Cabildo, built in 1795. It once served as the Spanish City Hall. One the other side is the Presbytere, once home to Capuchin monks. Both buildings are now Louisiana State museums.
 
On another side of the square are the upper and lower Pontalba apartments built in 1849 by the Baroness Pontalba. They are the oldest apartments in the United States.  The side of the square opposite the cathedral faces the Mississippi River and River Walk.
 
Around the middle of the square, artists set up their paintings, hoping to sell them to tourists. Most of the time, the artists are in the process of painting. Many of them paint or draw portraits or caricatures, while customers sit in provided chairs, posing for them.
 
One grouchy-looking artist, sporting a white goatee and wearing a black beret, was painting landscapes with a palate knife, which makes the picture look three-dimensional with globs of oil paint raised an inch or so on the canvas. Don was fascinated by this and decided to see how the paint would feel if he touched it. Unfortunately, the picture wasn’t dry. Angrily the artist scolded Don by yelling, “Don’t Touch!” Red-faced with fear and embarrassment, my son slunk away with an index finger covered in bright yellow paint.  He wiped the paint on the side of his pants, before I had a chance to stop him.
 
Sidewalk performers work on many of the streets doing whatever their talent happens to be. Christi and I paused to watch a skinny black limbo-dancer distorting his body, in order to bend backwards and dance under a pole suspended a few feet from the ground. I was shocked, when after emerging successfully without touching the pole, he whirled and grabbed Christi’s hand and swung her around, incorporating her into his dance. I might have freaked out if Christi had protested, but she laughed and seemed willing to go along with being a part of his act.
******

At a little past five months, when the waist of my dresses began to tighten, I admitted to my department head that I was pregnant. He informed me that the company policy didn't allow pregnant woman to work much past the seventh month. Since it would be necessary to have someone fill my position, I could only return when another position opened up. He assumed that I would be staying home with my newborn for a while. I liked this job and had a good relationship with the five guys in the department, but I had grown used to changing jobs. If I couldn’t go back there, I would be fine with moving on to whatever was next. 
 
I remember the day I decided it was time to tell the children they had a sibling on the way.  I was parked in a parking lot at one of the larger malls.
 
“Kids, before we go in, there is something we need to talk about. I hope it will be good news for you. In a few months, you are going to be getting a new brother or sister. What do you think about that?”

They all stared at me in shocked silence, and no one said anything. I guessed the news was a lot for them to process. Don eventually found his voice.

 “Well, it better be a boy then, because we’ve already got too many girls in our house.”

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents

Chapter 59
Baby Number Five

By BethShelby

The year was 1973.  The Roe vs. Wade abortion decision came down in January.  Nixon was in his second term as president, but the Watergate Hearings, which led to his resignation started in May of that year.

I ended up working through my eighth month of pregnancy at the printing company, because they needed me longer. I think they were starting to be afraid I’d go into labor at work. The guys got together and bought me a changing table and a baby bathtub as a gift. One of my co-workers told me that if I needed child-care when I went back to work, his mother loved children and was hoping to find a baby to keep while the mother worked. I took her phone number.
-----
Since I’d never been home for any length of time before, I began to meet some of my neighbors. The lot on the right side of us had sold, and a new house had been built there. The new neighbors had two children, a girl about three and a son who was still a baby. Three houses down were the Durios. He was a lawyer and Lisa, his wife, was also pregnant. Next door to them were the Juneaus. Pat was a fireman and his wife, Diane, didn’t work. They had a teenage son.

Roslyn Marchand, the lady from across the street came over to visit, when she saw I was pregnant. She was also pregnant, and coincidentally she and I were due to deliver the same week. She already had a two-year-old daughter. The only contact we’d had with the family before was when her husband had yelled at Don because he was playing outside with a BB gun he’d gotten for Christmas. Mr. Marchand was convinced that Don would either hit someone or shoot his windows out.
******
When our pastor learned I was home, he immediately figured I could contribute my time to a project he had going. He needed a driver to help take a group of church kids on a trip to the beach on the Mississippi Gulf coast. I didn’t want to do it, because I was spotting some blood, and I was worried the baby might come early. He wasn’t concerned with that.

“You’ll be fine,” he told me. “It’s just a short drive, and you won’t even have to spend the night in a tent. I’m taking our family's camping trailer, and my wife and I are sleeping in it. There is an extra bed and you can stay with us. We really need you to take about five of the kids, because there aren't enough cars to get all the kids down there.” I thought he was asking too much of me, but in the end, I agreed to go, because our own three children were part of the group that would be going.

There were five or six vehicles making the trip and the pastor wanted all of us to leave together in a convoy. It took a while to get everyone together, as some of the drivers had worked that day. We left about eight o’clock in the evening and it was around ten-thirty that night when we arrived at the campsite to find the gate locked and no one around to let us in. The pastor started making phone calls, while we all waited in our cars with some restless kids, unwilling to sit still.  

It was at least an hour before someone could be contacted to bring a key to the gate and let us in. There was still a good way to drive before we reached our rented campsites. It was well after midnight, when all the tents were pitched, and the children finally settled down. My back was killing me, and I’ve never been so relieved to be able to rest, even though my bed was narrow and hard.

When we got up the following morning, it became apparent that someone had disturbed a skunk and the whole place reeked. We, the adults, had to unload the cooking utensils and go about preparing breakfast. It was around ten before the kids were allowed to visit the beachfront. Children seem capable of adjusting to most any circumstance, but It was up to the adults to get two more meals together, and try to keep up with everyone.

The pastor called roll almost every hour. Several times, he seemed on the verge of losing his cool and taking it out on his poor wife, who in addition to catering to his demands, was taking care of their eight-month-old daughter, who wore corrective braces on her legs. I was very relieved to have that first day behind us. Thankfully, I didn’t know what lay ahead.

A severe thunderstorm came through during the night. Most of the tents blew over, and all the sleeping bags got soaking wet. The kids had to be put back into the cars and other vehicles to try to dry them off. They decided that I shouldn’t be involved since it wasn’t long until my baby was due, so they borrowed my car keys and told me to stay where I was and rest. No one got any real sleep, including me, because I felt guilty for not being outside helping the others with our mini-disaster.

The following morning the sun came out, and we strung lines and tried our best to get as many of the towels and other gear as dry as possible. Around three that afternoon, we left to go home. I was so relieved to be back with you and in my own bed that night.  
******
My baby was due June 2nd., but the date came and went. My neighbor, Roslyn, across the street had her baby a week early, but my labor didn’t start until around two in the morning on June 7th. I waited until morning to call the doctor. When I told him the pains were five minutes apart, he told me to get to the hospital, and he canceled his trip to a family reunion, which he had planned for the day. Since this was my fourth pregnancy and fifth child, he expected a quick delivery. He need not have worried. My baby would take its time, like all the rest of them had.

You called your work and told them you wouldn’t be in that day because your wife was having a baby. They were all shocked, because this was not news you had shared. You were a very private person, and I think being a dad again at forty-four was embarrassing for you. I was thirty-five, and I was a tad concerned myself.  I just wanted to know it would be healthy since I was a bit older than when the other children were born.

However, your mom was in her late forties when Nan was born, and she was fine. As a teenager, you had found that embarassing as well.

My daughter, Connie Lynnae, was born around five in the afternoon. I had a cold as a result of my recent camping trip, and the doctor couldn’t give me anything for pain. He decided to do an epidural. This was the first time I witnessed one of my babies being born. I heard the doctor say, “Look at the size of this monster.” When I confronted him later, he denied that he'd said it. She weighed 10 pounds and her face was so fat she looked like a little sumo wrestler.

You called the kids to tell them they had a sister. Don told you to ask the doctor to go back and look again, and make sure that he hadn’t left a boy in there.

The hospital let you bring them over that evening to see the new baby. Carol seemed excited. Christi was quiet. She was the one I was worried about. She wasn't thrilled to be losing her place as the baby of the family. The kids came in to see me for a minute, and Don asked me if the doctor was sure there wasn’t another one. It wasn’t the outcome he’d hoped for, but I’m not sure I could have handled another Don.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 60
The New Family Addition

By BethShelby

After you and the kids went home leaving me at the hospital, a couple of aides came and checked on me. Because I’d had an epidural, there was still very little feeling in my body from the waist down. I was unaware that I was wet, but one of the aides informed me that I was.

“You gonna have to stand up, so we can get in there and change yo’ bed. You got yo’ pad wet and everything,” she said accusingly.

Still tired and groggy from hours of labor, I somehow managed to get my feet off the bed and attempted to do as she asked. My legs didn’t hold me, and I hit the floor. This caused a commotion and a summons for help.

“How come you didn’t tell us, you couldn’t stand up?” the aide asked. “We didn’t know you had no epidural.”

They acted as if the whole thing was my fault. An incident report had to be filled out by one of the nursing staff, who had rushed in to get me up and back into bed. I wasn’t hurt, but I felt like crying. It seemed to me there was a lack of communication going on. Surely this wasn’t the way new mothers should be handled.

You were able to take me and our baby home after spending one night in the hospital. I didn’t feel as well as I had after the birth of my other children. I was irritable and had a low-grade case of postpartum depression. My mom took a bus to Metairie and stayed to help out for a week. When she saw Connie and held her, she started laughing at her fat funny face. She said, "This baby doesn’t look like anyone I’ve ever seen."  I took exception and accused her of making fun of our baby. I was more offended than i would have been, had I not been suffering hormonal depression. 

The doctor had given me something to dry up my milk without bothering to ask if I wanted to breastfeed. We had no choice but to give her formula. She seemed to instinctively know what breasts were made for, because whenever I held her against me, she acted as if she was trying to nurse. She didn’t care much for the bottle, and refused to drink over two ounces at a time. This meant she was hungry again after two hours. I was getting very little sleep. Knowing you needed to get up early for work, I plugged up an electric bottle warmer next to our bed and tried not to bother you. Still, since her crib was beside our bed, I know you heard her every time she cried to be fed.

After Mom went back home, it was a couple of weeks before Connie started looking less like a sumo wrestler, and became a beautiful, healthy looking baby. I tried to give Christi the extra attention she craved, but it was apparent that she resented the time I spent with the new baby. Disposable diapers were available, but I still had cloth diapers left from my other babies so I continued to use them. This meant I was still using the plastic-headed diaper pins. It would be years before Christi confessed that she sometimes deliberately stuck Connie with the pin while pretending to change her diaper.

Carol was very helpful and seemed to enjoy holding the baby and giving her the bottle. Don regarded her as a new toy.

One day, I’d gone into another room, leaving the baby strapped into the infant carrier. Don managed to tie a rope to one end and put the carrier on the floor. I rushed back in when I heard her loud cry. He had been slinging the carrier in a circle, and somehow the baby had slipped from the carrier and onto the floor. Her chin was bleeding and Don was sheepishly trying to slip away. I know he felt bad, because he had actually injured her. Nevertheless, he got scolded and warned that babies were not meant to be treated like toys. He was ten and should have known better.

Carol was twelve and wanted to babysit, so we could go out for the evening. She seemed so responsible and helpful, we figured she could handle the job. We went to a restaurant for dinner and then to a movie. It was nearly eleven when we got back home. We peered through the glass in the back door and saw Carol sitting on a rocker in our den area. Connie was on her lap, but our baby’s head had slipped through her knees and was hanging down between her legs. Carol was fast asleep. We began beating on the door trying to awaken her, but she was sleeping so soundly that she didn’t budge. The twins were already in bed asleep.

It was a scary situation, because we couldn’t tell if Connie was just sleeping or if something else was wrong with her neck hanging at a crazy angle.  Also, there was the possibility that Carol might wake up suddenly, and drop her on her head. When it became apparent that we weren’t going to be able to rouse her to let us in the locked door, we’d realized we’d have to find another way in.

All of the windows were locked except two very high ones in the living room. We had no choice but to go in that way. You had to hoist me up, so I could crawl through the window and unlock the door for you. When we rescued our baby from her upside down position, she was still sleeping peacefully and seemed fine. We shook Carol awake, and she was embarrassed because she had fallen asleep on the job.
*****

Somehow Jordan Printing Company, a Mom and Pop printing operation, heard about me and learned that I’d be looking for work since the other printing company had filled my position right after I left. Bobby Jordon’s wife, Klevey, called me and asked if I could come and work for them as a paste-up artist and do negative stripping work. They needed someone right away.

Connie was just a little over a month old, and I’d not planned to go back to work so soon. I was feeling better and they needed someone right away. I got in touch with my co-worker from where I’d worked before to see if his mother still wanted to keep a baby in her home. She did, so I took Connie over and let her get acquainted with Miss Dolly, as she wanted to be called. She fell in love with my baby. It was soon apparent that this would be the perfect solution.

I took the job because the atmosphere was very relaxed. There was a receptionist, a bookkeeper, and one regular pressman. Bobby and Klevey ran presses and took care of the customers. They practically lived at the place. They were there from seven in the morning until the wee hours at night. There was always a loaf of bread and an open jar of peanut butter on table in the break room. They ate while they worked, and both of them were very laid-back and fun to be around.
*******

At Chevron, you had been offered a supervisor position. You weren’t sure you wanted it, but it meant quite a bit more money. Now, you had about eight guys working under you. You had the same job that the man who had given you so many problems had. He was still a supervisor of another division but you were on equal status with him. I knew you’d do a good job because you had gone through leadership training in the Army. You were a Sergeant with a group of men under you in Korea. All the men liked and respected you. I felt you deserved a supervisor role. I was very proud of your promotion.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents. Pays 10 points and 84 member cents (and maybe more).

Chapter 61
Life With a Family of Six

By BethShelby

For the first time since you and I were married, you were unable to have a garden. Growing up in the country and loving the taste of fresh vegetables, it was hard for you to give up the idea. All of the lots in the city were small, and in our case the Norwegian lady, who owned the house first, had planted so many trees, it was too shady for a garden. What wasn’t shaded by the trees would have been shaded by the wood fence.

We did have one spot that was exposed to the sun. It was on the outside of the wooden fence, and it faced the vacant lot. We had been given sprouts of a mirliton vine and also of the Chinese okra or luffa. Both were vines that grew well on fences. These vines soon covered the fence all the way to the back of our lot. The greenery on the fence was pretty with large leaves and gaudy yellow flowers. The vegetables were quick to mature, so you were still able to harvest some of our food. You were also a pretty good cook, so you helped with the meals on nights when these vegetable were on the menu. You seemed to enjoy peeling, slicing and frying them. With the right seasoning, they were very tasty.
*****

Our church organist, taught music lessons. She was a feisty little German woman, who easily intimidated people, but I signed the girls up to take piano lessons anyway. They had taken lessons in Jackson and I didn’t want them to forget what they had learned. I was hoping they would become interested and good at playing piano, because you enjoyed singing, and I wasn’t very adept in that skill.

A teacher at the school was teaching Don guitar. Since all the children had excellent singing voices, I might have been better off to find someone to train their voices. Neither of the girls enjoyed practicing piano. The teacher made Christi so nervous that she developed a habit of clearing her throat often and acquired a hacking little cough that irritated the teacher. In later years, Carol would lose interest in piano and Christi would learn to play by ear well enough to entertain herself. 
****

The work I was doing at Jordon Printing was easy, and the people were a joy to work with. There was one customer that kept us busy and that was Al Copeland, who was part owner with his brother of Tasty Doughnuts and was in the process of starting his Popeyes Fried Chicken Chain. Al had a mansion on the street behind where we lived. His was lakefront lot several blocks farther down. Later, he would start a number of other enterprises and would have needed more complicated printing, but at this time, he didn’t have a problem doing business with a small company like Jordon.

One of the other clients for whom we did printing was more peculiar. I did meet quite a few of their group members. This was a cult that had a chapter in the area. The Children of God cult was started by David Berg. The members who came into the shop were mostly women. At the time, the women were encouraged to bring in new members by flirting with the men and enticing them with sex. They all lived together in a commune and practiced group sex. They used no birth control, so there were many children in the group who had no idea who might be their father. One of the girls managed to entice a pressman who worked in our shop to visit for the  weekend. He never gave us the details of the visit, but at least he didn’t join the group. The brochures we printed for them gave me the creeps. I would have turned them down, but to Bobby and Klevey, it was income which was needed to keep us in business.
****

Not long after school started back for the fall semester, Carol began running a fever and was nauseated. She complained of stomach cramps, and we took her to a doctor. She was twelve and a half and had started having periods. The doctor thought it was a hormone problem having to do with ovulation. He gave her something to help with the problem, but several days went by with it only getting more severe.

We had to take her to the emergency room and this time the diagnosis was appendicitis. She needed surgery immediately. They operated just in time, because her appendix had already ruptured. She had to spend a couple of days in the hospital.

It also appeared that Carol was going to need braces. A dentist in Jackson had removed a couple of her teeth hoping the others would come in straight, but it looked as though that wasn’t happening.

Another thing going on with Carol, which bothered you as she neared her teen years, was that it was becoming apparent she had inherited your nose. I had no problem with your nose, but you'd always hated your prominent bridge. 

The kids at school sometime called Carol "Nose’, but since they liked her and weren’t being mean, she didn’t seem bothered by the nickname. You, on the other hand, didn’t want your daughter to have what you considered a less than perfect nose. You suggested plastic surgery. She seemed okay with the idea, so we took her for a consultation with an ear, nose and throat doctor who did rhinoplasty. The doctor said we should give it one more year. He said he liked to wait until kid’s faces were fully mature, so at least that was on hold for now.
****

Connie was growing fast and was a joy to be around.  It was apparent that Miss Dolly adored her. I was the one who dropped her off each morning and picked her up in the afternoon.  As soon as she started having solid food, she stopped demanding the bottle every few hours, and we got more rest. Bath-time was her favorite time of day, and I enjoyed watching her kick and coo in the water. The older children gave her plenty of attention, which took a lot of the burden of caring for a little one off of me. I decided that having the last child ten years behind the rest wasn't a bad idea.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 62
Family Dynamics

By BethShelby

We felt good about having Miss Dolly to care for Connie while we worked. She was an excellent person for the job. She loved Connie like she was her grandchild, and Connie took to her immediately. It was mid-July and our other three had over a month before school started. Carol was mature enough at twelve to keep an eye on the twins without having to hire a sitter for them. However, we did take them to Mississippi and let them spend two weeks with Mom and Dad.

My poor Dad never learned how to be around little boys. Mom always told me that if I’d been a boy instead of a girl, Dad would have had a nervous breakdown. Even with me, he couldn’t handle noise. I wasn’t allowed to practice piano while he was around. He adored his granddaughters, but Don made him crazy. The feeling was mutual. Dad put Don’s nerves on edge, as well. Like me, my dad was an only child himself, and he had his quirks. Don, being the hyper child he was, couldn't do anything to please him. He told Don if he didn’t stop teasing his sisters, he was going to hang him up by his toenails, so Don tried to stay out of his way. He could always count on my mom to be on his side.
******

Keeping our children in a private church school and taking care of the needs of a growing family was taking a bite out of our income. I had given away all of my children’s outgrown clothes, because I hadn’t planned on having more babies, but I was lucky as far as Connie was concerned, because a friend at church was raising her granddaughter who was about a year older than Connie. She bought adorable and expensive clothes for the child, and she insisted on passing them down to me, so we had a well dressed baby. My mom enjoyed sewing and spending money on the children's clothes as well. She even made dresses for me. It was a blessing to have an extended family to help out.

When we were home on weekends and attended church, we seldom saw Connie until time to go home. During the service, Carol and Christi took her into the Mother’s room. All of their friends, loved playing with the baby as well, and she got more than her share of attention. I spent less time with her than I had with my other babies, since the older children seemed to enjoy taking  care of her.

In Christi’s case, her feelings for Connie were ambivalent. She enjoyed playing with her, but she felt the new baby was there to take her place. From the beginning, Christi, in spite of being a twin, had assumed the role of the baby in the birth order.

You had your own ritual when it came to dealing with the children. If you lost your temper, as you did occasionally, you seemed to feel a deep sense of guilt. You always apologized to them for  scolding them when you were angry. You would explain to them why what they had done had upset you. I seldom lost my temper, but that didn't stop me from yelling when they were misbehaving. I think as a result, they tuned me out, and were more concerned about behaving around you. 

As far as the two of us were concerned, I’d never allowed you to go to sleep angry. If something was bothering you, I wouldn’t shut up, until it was out in the open. It hadn’t been easy when we were newly-weds. You’d grown up in a household where you had held your feelings in. At one point in your life, your Mom and Dad had gone an entire year without speaking to each other.

You were always a music lover, and at this time, your taste seemed to run toward classic country. You liked Jim Reeves, Glen Campbell, Marty Robbins and John Denver. Carol, who had a personality more like yours than the rest of us, was into country music too. You found a radio station you liked and kept it tuned to that station. Sometimes when you weren't listening at night, we'd come in and find Carol asleep on your side of our bed with the radio playing country music. 

Over the years, Carol went through phases. This was the beginning of what we called her 'John Denver phase’. It was reflected in the clothes she wore, her music, her love of mountains, and any large bird, that she insisted on believing might be an eagle. Usually they were only hawks or buzzards, but she would get excited when one flew overhead.

Don was going though some mental torture which he wasn't telling anyone about.  It would be a long time before we learned what had him so upset.  From the time he'd started at Jefferson Heights, certain kids liked to pick fights. Don was particularly bothered by one boy in his class who always picked on him. Carol realized that he was having a problem, but neither she nor Don mentioned what was happening.

That summer while everyone was out of school, we learned that one of the boys in Don and Christi's class had been diagnosed with colon cancer. It was a terrible thing to happen to a young child.  We felt deeply sorry about what his parents were going through. What we didn’t know was that this was the boy who had been picking on Don. What we wouldn’t learn until much later was that Don had often prayed that this kid would die. Of course, he never expected that to happen. Later that year, when it did actually happen, Don became convinced that he was responsible for the boy’s death. He was suffering unforgivable remorse, but was ashamed to tell us that he’d prayed such a horrible prayer. 
*****

In September, the new semester started in the children’s school. Carol was in seventh grade. She seemed happy and well adjusted. She had a lot of friends and seemed to be well liked. Don and Christi were in sixth grade.  Being a small school, all of the children knew each other and for the most part they all got along well.

Tether ball was a favorite game at recess. One day while playing, Don fell at a strange angle. He didn’t get a chance to get up because the teacher who happened to be watching, yelled for him not to move. She was convinced that he’d broken his leg. Someone from the school called and asked me to meet them at the emergency room.

Don was lifted into a van while they attempted to keep his leg in the same position. At the hospital, his leg was X-rayed, but the doctor found no problem. It wasn’t even sprained. Don was double-jointed, a condition which he probably inherited from me. When I was younger, my limbs were comfortable in positions that seemed abnormal to other people. I asked him why he didn’t tell them he wasn’t hurt. He said, “They never asked me. They just told me not to move.” At least, some of the time, he made an effort to be an obedient child. 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 63
Seventies Trends and Challenges

By BethShelby

Our Pastor wanted to do something to get the younger people more involved in activities that would help keep them from leaving the church as they grew older. The church and school decided to organize a Pathfinder Club like many of the other churches in our denomination had.  

Pathfinders is a lot like Scouts, but with both girls and boys in the same club. Someone volunteered to lead it, and before long I found myself involved as well. They met one night a week, and because I had to bring the kids back to the school for the meeting, it only made sense that I stay rather than make two trips. The school was several miles away. The kids wore uniforms and earned badges by learning skills in various things. At first, I was teaching crafts and sewing, but later they made me a deputy director. It meant more responsibility and more camp-outs in my future. It also meant I needed a uniform as well.

On the first camping trip, we took the Pathfinders to a park just across the lake from New Orleans. It was my first time to actually sleep in a tent. Sleeping is the wrong word to use, because I really didn’t sleep. I think young bones must adjust better to sleeping on the ground with the creepy-crawlies. It isn't so easy for those of us who have grown used to our creature comforts. I decided there had to be a better way to camp, like at Day’s Inn or Howard Johnson’s, maybe.

You wanted no part of it, because you’d had enough camping in tents during the two years you spent in the army. Your year in Korea had involved, not only tents, but foxholes and mortar blasts as well. As a member of the Combat Engineers, it had been your job to find and dismantle mine fields. I can’t say that I blame you for saying “No thanks.”
*****
Styles took a drastic turn in the seventies. These were the days of double knits and leisure suits. Men often wore loud shirts and some had large prints of things like flowers or animals. I talked you into getting a hunter-green leisure suit and a couple of purple shirts, as well as some brightly patterned ties. Since I picked most of your clothes, you reluctantly agreed to wear them, but I think you were nervous about the choice of colors. Being the modest person you were, you weren’t anxious to stand out in a crowd. You relaxed a little when you realized that it was what other men were wearing as well.

Men were wearing their hair longer and growing sideburns. You had decided, several years before, that you disliked going to a barbershop, and heaven forbid, that you go into a beauty salon to have it cut. At first, you’d ask me to trim it a little between cuts, but by now, you hadn’t had it professionally done in years. Every week or so you’d ask me for a trim. I kept telling you that I had no idea how to cut hair, but apparently that didn’t matter, because you refused to go back to a barber shop. I told you that the reason I was stuck with the job was because the barber wouldn’t allow you in his shop in your underwear.

I was cutting Don’s hair too. He didn’t want to go to the barbershop because they always cut off more than he liked. I did the best I could, but the family accused me of putting a bowl over his head for a pattern. Carol started calling him Dutch boy because of his hair cut. That may have been his nickname at school as well. 

Occasionally, I went to a salon and had my hair permed, but only about twice a year when it grew too long to manage. Church clothes for women were often floor length dresses. A few ladies wore pants, but people didn't dress quite as casually in our church as in some of the other churches. I liked the long dresses and made several for myself and the girls. I wore pants to work and no longer wore high heels as I had throughout the sixties. 

Holly Hobby clothes were in for little girls, and I made a couple of outfits for Connie out of soft cottons. My mom was into sewing with double knits, so she made several dresses for the girls and Connie from that kind of material. I guess it was itchy on tender young skin, because Connie didn’t like it. At one point, I was holding her in church, and she decided she’d had enough. She started trying to tear her dress off in the middle of the service.
******
It was 1974 and Carol was thirteen and starting to get some baby sitting jobs. She had become friends with Julie, a girl she had met in the neighborhood. Sometimes, Julie committed to a sitter job and backed out at the last minute. She started throwing these jobs Carol’s way. At first, we were reluctant to let her go places where we didn’t know the family. It was hard for us to accept the fact that we had a teenager, and we needed to let her try her wings a bit without being so controlling.

You and I had a problem with Julie. She was always ringing our bell and wanting Carol to come out. We didn’t trust her, and it didn’t help that she'd confessed to Carol that she had once tied a rope around her neck and jumped from a second story window planning to kill herself. Maybe she didn’t realize that the rope needed to be attached to something on the other end.

Carol was susceptible to the influence of others, and it sometimes led to trouble. One girl in her school persuaded her to jump out the classroom window during recess and leave school to go to a nearby quick-stop for snacks. Once, when spending the night with another school friend, the two girls slipped away for a midnight bike ride.

Another time, you and I ended up paying the plumbing cost of having a bathroom sink put back on the wall after Carol broke it off by sitting on it. She was not a disobedient child, but following some of her bolder friends often got her into trouble. We were beginning to realize that raising teenagers would bring on a new set of problems for us to deal with.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 64
Needs of a Growing Family

By BethShelby

The year was 1974. Carol was 13 and in seventh grade. The twins were eleven and in grade six, Connie was starting to walk and talk. Miss Dolly was still keeping her while I worked. Dolly was always asking Connie how much she loved her. She loved in when Connie stretched out her arms and said, “de’ whol wurld.” I was a little jealous.  Often, Dolly bought her little toys and other things which she could take home.

This was the year Richard Nixon had been forced to resign as president, and Gerald Ford had taken over. The Vietnam war had come to a crossroads, and the last of the US troops had left Nam in March of 1973. Since the war was still not officially over, the returning soldiers didn’t find themselves welcomed as conquering heroes like those of past wars. Many suffered from post traumatic stress and were having trouble finding work. Suicide was not unusual.

After Ford became president, he offered amnesty to soldiers who had deserted and to those who had burned their draft cards and moved to Canada. Inflation was out of control and was heading toward 12%. In spite of that, gas was just 42 cents a gallon. The average household income was just over $11,000.00 a year.

Some of the influence of the hippie years was still reflected in the TV shows. We had finally broken down and bought our first color set. At times, you didn’t approve of what you saw us watching. There were times when your temper flared, and you acted as though you were about to kick in the TV set, only to turn it off amid cries of protest. I told you there was often more violence in our den than on the set.

Carol had a lava lamp in her room and also incense sticks which she liked to burn. You didn't like the odor of incense and questioned what kind of strange rituals she was performing.  She liked to wear bell bottom pants, which was a popular style. Making candles and tie-dying t-shirts became a favorite craft activity, which involved my supervision. The kids had bags of beads they had collected at Mardi Gras parades, and now they strung them over their doors. They even hung beads on the doors of our still unfinished country house back in Mississippi. The world we'd always known was changing, and you didn't want any part of it.

The eight-tracks of the 60's were no longer popular. The preferred way of listening to music was the cassette tape. Pocket calculators were also popular. You found they came in handy when balancing checkbooks and were more accurate. So cassette players and calculators were popular gifts for Christmas or birthdays.

After Connie began sleeping through most of the night, we moved her crib into the room with Carol and Christi. The crib didn’t work for her very long, because she acted as though she was afraid of sleeping in it. When she had enough words in her vocabulary to communicate, she let us know that when she was in the crib she had dreams of being in a rowboat with skeletons. The older kids had probably frightened her with Halloween decorations. Still it seemed to be a recurring dream, so we put the crib away and started letting her sleep on the bunk bed with the girls.

Don was continuing to treat Connie as a play thing. Things went on when we were away, that you and I only learned of much later. Don would hang Connie on the door knob by the elastic in the waist of her pants, or he would lay a lasso on the floor so that when she stepped into it without looking, he could pull it tight and entrap her. He never intentionally hurt her, and she seemed fond of her big brother, so I guess she thought it was a game and didn’t mind being his toy.
******
Eventually, we decided Carol needed a room of her own. You drew up plans that enclosed our carport and made it  into the new den and dining area. By separating the former kitchen, dining area we were able to create a new bedroom which could be entered from the den portion of the new room. We also had a fireplace built on the front end of the den. This meant we no longer had a carport, but we felt it was more important that Carol have her own room. It was only large enough to accommodate a single bed, a nightstand, a large desk, and a chair. We hung an animal print wallpaper, which Carol picked. The outside wall of the room faced the kitchen, so we also allowed Carol to help pick the paper that area as well.

Since Carol was now a teenager, we thought it would be good for her to have more privacy. The problem was she started spending most of her time in her room and less time with the rest of the family. She didn’t neglect Connie though. She treated Connie as if, she was her baby to raise.

Carol continued to get outside sitter jobs, and she was mostly sitting for one family. The lady who called her had a boyfriend named Smitty, who would pick Carol up and bring her back home. We were concerned about this arrangement at first, but after she’d gone there several times with no problems, we relaxed. 

Then one night when she was preparing to go to sit for the family, someone called to tell they wouldn’t need her that night, after all. When the reason for the cancellation came to light, it gave us all chills. That night, when the family’s doorbell rang, Smitty had gone to the door and partially opened it, to find the ex-husband outside with a gun. He had shot through the door killing Smitty. New Orleans was sometime called ”Sin City” We were beginning to see the reason why.  
*****

On one of our trips back to Mississippi, we were driving there in your truck. By this time, it had quite a few miles on it, but it hadn’t given us any trouble so far. This time it died in some little town about half way to our destination. A kind stranger stopped and gave us a ride to a service station. We had to rent a car to get back to Metairie. You learned about a guy who worked on cars at his home, so you had the truck towed there, and he promised to let you know when he’d fixed it. When he finally got back to us, he said it needed a new motor. You decided it wasn’t worth it and had it towed to our farm in Mississippi. Its rusting frame is likely still there in the edge of the field where we left it.

We needed another vehicle, so you found a large van in the ad section of the paper and bought it from an individual. It was an interesting vehicle, because someone had decided to customize it by building up an area in the back large enough for a double mattress. It had only two seats. Both the driver and passenger seats were nice tan leather. The rest of the van was covered floor, walls and ceiling with green shag carpet. Since it was such a large van there was plenty of room to walk around or even stretch out in the back on the raised area. The kids and I loved it. It was easy enough for you and me to switch drivers without even stopping.
             
We’d owned it several months, when one morning you got up to go to work, and it wouldn’t start. We had parked it on the vacant lot next to our living room window. You saw disturbed grass with grease on it and looked beneath to find that auto thieves had come by in the night while we were sleeping and had removed essential parts from the underside of our van. We contacted the police, but the thieves weren’t found. The paper reported a gang of auto thieves were operating in the area. I don’t remember if our insurance helped us pay to have the parts replaced, but I do remember that from then on we slept with the porch light shining on our van. Living in the big city had its drawbacks.  

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 65
Niagara Falls

By BethShelby

With the exception of the `56 Buick, which you bought just before we got married, all the vehicles we’d owned had been pre-owned. We were told that once a car was driven from the lot, it automatically lost a large percentage of its value. After our paying off that Buick, we decided financing a vehicle was not a smart move, so whatever we'd owned since was paid for with cash. 

I didn’t realize you were looking at cars, until one day you came home and told me that you had found a brand new car at a dealership which we could afford. The new models were out, and this was the last ‘74 Dodge Charger on the lot. You thought it looked sporty, and you wanted to buy it. It had a standard transmission, but since I ‘d learned to drive with a standard, I didn’t think I’d have a problem.

The sales pitch you used to convince me was that with a new car, you’d feel okay about going on a week long vacation trip. You suggested Niagara Falls. This came as a shock to me because, you had never really been fond of going anywhere, except back to Mississippi and your cows and acreage. The fact that we now had four children who were usually restless after the first 20 miles made this seem all the more astonishing. It proved how badly you wanted that car.

When I asked why you were willing to take this trip, given the fact that every other overnight trip we’d ever taken stressed you out so badly that you were physically ill the next day.  You said your stress was probably due to the lack of planning. You suggested that if we had it all planned ahead of time instead of "spur of the moment", things would go smoother.

Your willingness to take a trip cinched it for me, and we soon had that new car parked on our lot. We both had vacation time coming up, so you told me to go ahead and plan the trip. By nature, I’m not a planner, but if that was what it was going to take, I was willing to give it my best shot. I accumulated brochures and road maps and started calling ahead for reservations. We had only a week set aside for the trip. I needed something interesting we could do everyday to keep the kids happy and driving time to a minimum. I decided we should drive to my parent’s home in Mississippi on Friday. That would cut several hours off the driving time when we started the trip.

We took our time the first day, switching drivers every couple of hours and making plenty of stops to keep the kids happy. I’d seen to it that we had games that could be played in a car and puzzle books to ensure that the kids not get too bored. We stopped early at a nice motel with a swimming pool. The kids and I enjoyed that while you stayed in the room and watched TV.

I’d always heard the Blue Ridge Parkway was beautiful, so without knowing anything about it, I scheduled that for our first main day of travel. By Sunday morning, we were near the beginning of the Parkway. It would be the first point of interest on our trip. Since we would be on winding mountain roads, you told me you would do all the driving. I was to keep the kids in check. They were already bored with their books and games and starting to tire from being cooped up in a car.

Since we both loved mountains, the view from the Blue Ridge Parkway was breathtaking, and certainly worth seeing. Still after hours of being on twisting roads with few restroom stops and no place to purchase snacks, everyone was getting testy. You wanted coffee and the kids just wanted out. On the parkway we weren't able to travel nearly as fast as I had anticipated. Slowing us down even more was the fact that we’d pulled into almost every overlook to see the view and take a photograph or two. Eventually, we found a tiny mountain town just large enough to get a light lunch, but it was miles back to the interstate, so we had to get back on the parkway.

By mid-afternoon, you’d been driving far too many hours, and you’d developed a sick headache. I was becoming frustrated, because we were still miles from the spot I picked for our next motel stop. The older kids were picking fights in the backseat, and Connie was whining from sheer exhaustion. You had lost all desire to be hospitable and were looking for someone to blame for your discomfort. I was the one who’d planned this segment of the trip, so it was I you lashed out at.

"You’re trying to kill me,” you said as you pulled the car to a stop. “You take the wheel, and get us out of here.  I’m dying. I need coffee, food and a place to lay my head. I’m through with vacations. We need to turn around and go back home.”

I think your words even shocked the children into submission. I didn’t argue. I took over the wheel and you slumped over in your seat and never said another word. At the next exit we came to, we got off of the parkway and pulled up to the first motel I saw. It was four o’clock in the afternoon, so there were still plenty of vacancies. I got us a room, and you groaned and fell across the bed. We knew to not linger until you'd recovered. You had passed the point of wanting anything, except rest.

I asked if I could get you something, and you said “No, just leave me alone.” The kids and I went next door to Denny’s and got something to eat. By the time we got back, you’d recovered enough to make yourself some coffee with the complimentary packets left for motel guests. The kids and I put on our bathing suits and went to the pool. You eventually went out and got something to eat, but the frosty feeling lingering in our room had nothing to do with the air conditioning.  

By the next morning, you had partially recovered, and we continued our trip. Since we weren’t as far along as I’d planned, I canceled the rest of our reservations and vowed to give up making plans. Plan A hadn’t worked, and I’d not made a plan B. It was just as well, because when we got to Niagara Falls, New York, we blew a tire which further delayed us. We spent that night on the American side of the falls.

Niagara Falls was impressive on the American side, but far more impressive on the Canadian side. The following morning, we crossed into Canada and went up in a tall observation tower. We decided to take a tour beneath the falls. This meant we all had to put on black rubber rain coats with hoods. Connie threw a fit about that. She hated wearing the required water gear. She cried over the way we looked wearing black coats and hoods. Not only that, she hated the roar of the falls. I guess all that noise was scary for a two-year-old.

Aside from the beauty of the falls, the neatest thing we saw on the trip was the formal flower garden in Niagara Falls, Canada. After we left there, we drove through the Canadian farm country until we came back into the states through Detroit. I had some things planned for there but since we'd gotten off schedule, you vetoed the idea of spending time in Detroit.

We drove through the Amish country of Pennsylvania and browsed in some of the shops. We all found that to be interesting. We’d never been around Amish people before, and we were shocked to realize how large and prosperous their farms appeared to be, all without the use of automobiles or electricity. I had expected them to be poor and unable to afford the luxuries of life. I was wrong. Their religious convictions made them feel it was God's will that they keep themselves plain.

I was mispronouncing the word saying 'Amish' with a long `a’. Every time I said it, Carol corrected me saying it with the short ‘a’ sound. When she said the word, I invariably thought she had seen someone walking, who had the traditional costume of a long dress and bonnet, or a man with suspenders and a beard. Our conversation went something like this.  Me: “A-mish” Carol: ‘AM-ISH!” Me: Where? I would have my trusty camera ready to snap a picture. We did it so often, it became a joke.

After we left Pennsylvania, somewhere along the way, we found a wave pool, and that was fun for everyone but you, because you didn’t like wearing a bathing suit and wouldn't get into the water.

We stopped by Mammoth Cave in Kentucky and hiked on some of the trails around the cave. We toured an old homestead, but we didn’t get to go through the cave because of our time schedule.  It was just as well because I realized that Connie would freak out about having to go into a dark place. She seemed to have a lot of phobias.

The highlight of each day for the children was that each place we stayed had an outdoor swimming pool. We were all exhausted by the time the trip ended, and we were happy to be back home again.

I can’t imagine how difficult it would have been if we'd tried to travel for more than one week with our four children along.  It would be a while before we recovered enough to try that again.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 66
As Our World Turned

By BethShelby

---

Things with my job at Jordan printing had gone well, but as time went on, I learned more about the couple who owned the business. Klevey and Bobby had not been married that long. Bobby had been married before and had two estranged adult daughters by his first wife. Apparently, they hadn’t spoken to him in years. This was Klevey’s first marriage, and she wanted a child very badly.

She was in her late forties and had been told it would be impossible for her to have children. She had a friend at an adoption agency, who encouraged her to try that route. She and Bobby sent in an application, and one day, she was told that a two month old boy was available for adoption. Within a month, Klevey had moved a playpen into the art department so that I could keep an eye on him as I worked. She was too busy with her own printing duties to do more than run in and change a diaper, or prop up a bottle for him to drink.

As soon as they had adopted the boy, they became concerned about continuing to live in Louisiana, because of a Napoleonic law which made it mandatory for any existing children to be included in their father’s estate if he should die. Bobby had a heart condition, and he and Klevey wanted to exclude his older children from his will. They began making preparations for relocating their business to Memphis. It wasn’t a big shock for me. I’d gotten used to being shuffled from one job to another, so I wasn’t that concerned. There were enough printing companies in New Orleans that I figured I would find something quickly.
*****

Things seemed to be going smoothly with your job, and you seemed capable of handling the supervisor position. Still, we had a house in the country, which was almost finished inside, but without someone around to make sure things stayed secure. Several times, we’d gone back to find someone had been inside. They had managed to pry open a window and steal some things. We had lost two electric heaters and some boots and rain-gear you had left there. All that weighed heavily on you. You were concerned that, if the house should burn, our insurance might not cover it, since it was unoccupied.
*****

By the time Don was eleven, he had built and crashed so many model cars and airplanes that he was ready for a bigger challenge. He’d already been helping you with the working on the interior of our house in Mississippi. Now he was going through Popular Mechanics and other magazines looking for his own building project. He found directions for building a rowboat from a single sheet of plywood. He started begging us to buy the plywood so he could get started. You told him the project would be his alone and not to count on any help. He agreed and we bought the material, not expecting a lot.

To our surprise, he followed the instructions, and in no time, he managed to make a boat that would hold at least two people. When he finished it, he couldn’t wait to go back to the country to try it out in our cow pond. He painted it two shades of blue. It was almost too pretty to put into the dirty water. We all had a ride in it, including Connie. The only problem was he could have used some help when it came to sealing it. It leaked badly. By the time we’d all had a turn, we were dipping out so much water we were lucky to make it to shore in spite of the pond being small.
******

Christi had made friends with a little girl in the neighborhood and every day when they weren’t in school, they were usually together. On one particular day, Christi had asked permission to go to the child’s house to play. Carol and Don had gone off somewhere with you. Connie was coloring at her little plastic desk. I was using my time to vacuum the new gold shag carpet which we'd had installed.

In the middle of vacuuming, I got a strange feeling something wasn’t right. I switched off the vacuum for a second and checked on Connie. She was fine. So I went back to work, but again I got that uneasy feeling. I switched off the vacuum and walked outside. My car was parked in its usual spot.  Everything seemed normal, and I started to go back inside.  Then I heard a slight knocking sound, and a muffled voice calling from somewhere nearby. As I walked near the rear of my car, I saw my key was in the lock. I opened it to find a tearful Christi locked inside. She was hot and sweaty and very upset. She had been calling for a while, but no one could hear her. The girls had been playing hide-and-seek. Apparently, after looking for a while without finding her, the other girl had given up and gone home. I can’t imagine what possessed Christi to get in the trunk and pull the lid down. It made me realize how quickly a tragedy might have occurred.
*****

Halloween was a big deal in our area. Most of the houses in our neighborhood went overboard in decorating. In the past years, our older children had always gone trick-or-treating, returning home with enough candy to last for weeks, and whatever was left would melt together in a sticky lump. Last year there had been reports of razor blades placed in candy.  Also there were rumors that Wiccan and other pagan groups considered October 31 as a high night in their calendar and used it for rituals and untold spells of evil doings. Some of the members of our church decided it wasn't a proper holiday for Christians, and that the church should come up with an alternate activity to keep our kids out of trouble. Some members voted to make Halloween into a fall party night.  Everyone could dress as Bible characters and there would be prizes, food and games.

Since they wouldn’t be trick-or-treating this year, Don and Christi begged me to let them go to a haunted house which a local school was sponsoring each night of the week leading up to Halloween. I agreed to take them, but planned to wait for them in the parking lot. Connie begged to ride along. She was between two and three at the time.  I told her she could go, but she'd have to wait with me in the car.

I parked the car, and Don and Christi went inside. Connie remained in the back seat peering out the window. Suddenly she let out a chilling scream, loud enough to be heard from a block away. I jerked around in time to see a person dressed as King Kong, fleeing away from our car like he was being chased by Zombies. I think Connie probably scared him as badly as he scared her when he peeped into our car's back window. He had been assigned the job of moving around the parking lot as part of the haunted house experience. Connie was totally traumatized and was still crying, even after the twins were back and we were safely home.

The night of the party, Dana, the preacher’s daughter, came home from school with Carol. The girls dressed in loose fitting garments which they put together by belting down some of my colored sheets. They covered their heads with towels and tied scarves about them. It was their idea of what women of the Bible might have looked like. Don made up a costume to look like a street beggar. He had smudges of black chalk all over his face and he hobbled around with a walking stick.  He won first prize for the best costume.  It wasn't the first time he won the prize for best costume.  He enjoyed winning and always wanted to be the best.
*******

On one of our trips back to Mississippi, we visited your brother, Rhomas, and his family in the new house they had built in Brandon. Rhomas was working as a project engineer for the local utility company, and Shirley was giving home decor parties. Their cat had kittens, and they were looking for homes for them. Christi begged us to take one of them, and she managed to win you over in spite of your objections. She named the part Siamese, Skipper. The cat made a lively addition to our family.  She kept trying to climb our Christmas tree that year.  She turned it over many times and we had to keep replacing broken ornaments.  
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 67
1975 in Retrospect

By BethShelby

In 1975, Gerald Ford was the president and Nelson Rockefeller was vice-president. It was the year disco was the musical choice of the in-crowd. Mood rings, pet rocks and Rubik's cubes were in vogue. 

Citizen Band radios or CB’s were popular, and we had one in our car. The kids and I all decided on names or handles for ourselves. You weren’t interested in talking to strangers on the road. I had thought it might be fun, but when it came to actually putting my voice out there, I discovered I wasn't keen on talking either. I had much rather monitor the channels and listen to others talk. It was good for learning if there were traffic hazards or speed traps ahead.
 
To our surprise, Christi, who had given herself the handle, Crispy Critter, was the most vocal one of us. She learned a bit of the lingo and didn’t seem to mind communicating with truckers or whoever she could find who would talk. She’d ask “What’s your twenty?” and they’d tell her the highway mile marker they’d just passed. She’d ask if they’d seen any bears (highway patrolmen) and say “Roger that, Good Buddy.” It was an amusement for a while when traveling to Mississippi on weekends, but like every fad, the novelty eventually wore off.
*****
 
Often when I went shopping at one of the department stores, Connie would beg to go. Early on, she developed her own taste in clothes. If she liked what she was wearing, things went smoothly. If she hated it, it was a battle to get her to wear it. This was something I’d not encountered early on with the other children. Carol and Christi had worn the clothes I bought for them without complaining too much. Now that they were getting toward teenage years, their taste was becoming more apparent. Christi liked cute girlie looking outfits. Carol disliked dresses. She preferred  jeans and tie dyed t-shirts or denim jackets. Don liked almost anything new, and if he was with me when I bought it, he insisted on putting it on immediately and wearing it out of the store.
 
If I had all the girls with me, I would depend on the older ones to watch Connie while I shopped. Connie was bad about getting under the racks of dresses, so that she was hidden from view. One day, I couldn’t find her, and the girls had lost sight of her as well. I panicked, thinking someone might have taken her. We searched frantically for a while, until we heard on the store speaker that there was a little lost girl by the escalator. At that point, I decided it was important that she know her full name and phone number. Every day as I drove her to Dolly’s, I worked on teaching her to repeat her name and phone number. It was a time I'd been using to teach her colors and the names of things we encountered on the way.
 
It was a good thing she learned her phone number, because in the future, it came in handy when something happened for which I was totally at fault. I can’t remember exactly how old she was, but she was old enough that the memory is still with her.  Yet I'm sure she wasn't much older than three. That day, only Connie had gone shopping with me. I have no idea what could have caused me to completely forget that she was with me. When I left the shopping center, I didn’t even look for her. I drove home without thinking. The rest of the family was there, and I assumed that she was there as well.

What a shock, when the phone rang and the store security guard came on the line to tell me that they had a little girl who said this was her phone number. You were as mortified as I was, that I could have done such a thing. So many stories like this have tragic endings. We both said a prayer of thanksgiving that she had remained safe. I never left a store again without making sure I wasn't leaving anyone behind.
*****

Out on the lakefront of Lake Pontchartrain, there were walking trails and places to sit on the wide steps leading down to the lake. Sometimes we enjoyed going out there to watch the sail boats, yachts, and occasionally water skiers on the lake. A little farther down, was an amusement park called Pontchartrain Beach. Years before when you and I were newlyweds, we came to New Orleans when you were looking for a job, and we visited the park with your sister, Maxine. The park was built in 1928, the year you were born. Now it was a great place to take our children. Even Connie was getting old enough to enjoy it. We might have visited more often, if we had known then that in a few years, the park would be dismantled to make room for condos.
***** 

In September of ‘75, Carol was in eighth grade and the twins were in seventh at Jefferson Heights Jr. Academy, the school they were attending. The same teacher taught both grades. The principal that year was Tom Hansen. Tom’s family had originally emigrated from Sweden. He and his wife came to our area from Michigan, where he had pastored a church. His wife, Paula, was from Mississippi. When she and I talked about our common state background, we were shocked to learn that we were second cousins although we had never met. This made me realize that our world isn’t such a big place after all. Tom and Paula had three school-age boys and the youngest became Christi’s first crush. I guess you could say they were kissing cousins.  At least, I heard that happened once.
*****
 
I was still involved in the local Pathfinder club. In November, other Pathfinder groups from the Southwest, planned a camporee in Athens, Texas. Our club voted to attend. As the deputy director who had a large van that would hold a number of kids, I was expected to go and drive. Since Connie was too young, we left her with you to take care of over the long weekend. The drive was long and tiresome, but our group finally arrived. The weather was nice, and the kids got out and pitched their tents, before joining the other groups for games and competitions.
 
I didn’t bring a tent, because I had no intention of sleeping on the ground. It was inconvenient enough to have to go out into the night to the outdoor toilets. I parked my sleeping bag on the built-up section in the rear of the van, hoping to be able to sleep throughout the night uninterrupted. That night a cold front came through. The sleeping bag was not even close to warm enough. Throughout the night, kids kept banging on the door and begging to sleep inside to survive the frigid temperature. By morning, there was no room to move around in the van. Kids were sleeping everywhere. I had no idea Texas could get so cold. I vowed that the next time anyone mentioned a winter camping trip to me, I would have other plans.
***** 

You and I were serving on both the school board and the church board that year. It was the first time either of us had served, and we were shocked to realize that even Christians can become very verbal and outraged over minor issues. Some people felt theirs was the wise voice of reason, and they should have the final say. Others seemed to enjoy arguing just for the sake of expressing opposing opinions. One issue that was raised on the school board involved whether or not one of the teachers should be dismissed. 

The case against him was that he seemed overly friendly with the students, and that he sometimes patted them on their back or put an arm over their shoulder. A lot of students didn't like him for giving a lot of homework or punishing them. They used the fact that he dared to touch them to get the parents on their side. Some of the mothers were up in arms. Nothing he had done was sexual in nature, and he was not there to defend himself. We felt it was wrong to terminate him on unfounded charges from a job he needed badly.
 
You were particularly turned off by the attitude of a female teacher who had never liked the man, and who acted as though our opinions didn’t matter since we were new on the board. You and I discussed whether or not we wanted our children going to this school the following year. 

Having three children attend this private school was very expensive. In addition to tuition, we had to buy textbooks and uniforms. The school went through tenth grade, but the students were encouraged to attend a boarding academy for their high school years. This meant a lot of the eighth graders would be leaving next year. We weren’t ready for any of our children to go away to school. We felt the home environment was best until they reached college age. It was a decision we would need to make before another school year began.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 68
Job Solution and Country Days

By BethShelby

Just before the Jordan Printing Company officially relocated to Memphis, I had a call from one of the pressmen from the printing company where I’d worked before Connie was born. He was going out on his own and opening a new company, and he asked if I would come and work for him.

The timing was ideal since my company was moving to Memphis. Even better was the fact that his company would be just four blocks from where we lived. Klevey and Bob were happy that I wouldn’t be without work, and that I would be able to change jobs without a loss of salary. The Williams Printing Company would be mainly family members except for me. To began with there would be only five of us, but Charles already had quite a few customers lined up. There would be plenty of work to keep us busy.
*****

The thing you found more fulfilling than your job at Chevron was spending time at our farm in Mississippi. You were especially pleased when you felt that we were enjoying being there as well. You and I would walk over the 143 acres of woods and pastureland, and occasionally the children would walk with us. Once I asked you what was one of your favorite memories, and you reminded me of the time when you and I walked to the back of our place and I found trillium plants blooming. I’d never seen that kind of flower before, and I got excited and insisted on digging some up to bring back to plant in our yard.

I think you were hoping that we would all live there one day. It wasn’t something the children and I wanted. It was too far into the country. Most of the people around us lived in small houses or double wide trailers on small tracts of land. Most worked in one of the small towns nearby, or those on bigger acreage grew cotton for a living. The place had an old-fashion country store and a few churches. Traveling into Jackson took nearly an hour on blacktop roads, but because you loved being there so much, I went out of my way to make the house look as nice as possible without spending much money.

We had paid off the mortgage on the land, and the money we’d spent on the house we paid for as the work was completed, so there was no debt other than taxes, insurance and utilities. With the help of Don, you had gotten the inside walls and ceilings up. You hired some guys to come over and tape the sheetrock, finish it out, and paint it. We had furnished the place with furniture that we no longer used. I had gone to flea markets and garage sales and bought curtains and light fixtures. When we had holiday or vacation days, it was a nice spot to spend time, even though the children weren’t always happy about it. 

In the winter, we always had a warm fire going in the den. We'd pop popcorn and make hot chocolate. I kept packaged and canned food there and we brought fresh produce from home. We had an old refrigerator and a new stovetop and oven. Once we were there when it snowed, and the children made a snowman in the front yard. I always took pictures of these special times.

For several years now our family had gone there each Christmas before going to visit our parents. We made an annual trek into the woods and dug up a young cedar tree and brought it back to the house to decorate. We would make our own decorations and trim the tree. We'd have a small celebration with each child having a gift they could open. For you, this was a memory, which would always be one of your favorites. I’m not sure the children felt as strongly about it as you did, but they went along because it was important to you. After we had our Christmas ritual, we always took down the tree and planted it in the yard. We soon had large cedars scattered over a big front yard.

Don had been pleading with us to buy him a motorcycle for his twelfth birthday. We both felt he was too young but we did start looking for a smaller dirt bike for sale. We found a Kawasaki combination motorcycle and dirt bike for sale and decided to get it with the understanding that it would be left for him to ride in the country only. You had to be fourteen to even get a permit to ride in the city. Once he had the bike, he was happy enough to spend time in the country. We all learned to ride it except Connie who was too young. The girls and I took it very slow.

Naturally, going slow wasn’t something that appealed to Don, and he was soon gunning it and trying to jump ditches with it. He fell off a few times and bruised himself. During Christmas holidays, we let Don stay behind in Newton to spend a week with Mother and Dad. She called me after a couple of days and told me she had to take Don to the doctor because he was hurting all over, and his neck was stiff. The doctor checked him out and thought he might have encephalitis.

Mom was extremely worried about him and wanted to know if she should put him on a plane and fly him home. He hadn’t bothered to tell the doctor or her that his muscle and neck was sore from riding the dirt bike. We told her not to worry, but to send him home on the bus as we’d planned. Don was fine. He just needed some time to heal. I was shocked that a doctor would suggest something so scary without further tests.
******

Just after the School session ended for the summer, The Pathfinders had another camping trip. This time we went to a park across the lake, and we only spent one night. I took Connie with me, and my friend, Betty, brought her granddaughter she was raising along. Michele was a little older and larger than Connie. She was an unpredictable child and tended to have a jealous streak involving any other child Betty paid attention to.

Christi and some of her friends were supposed to be watching Connie. They brought her back to me, red faced and sobbing. She had hand prints and scratch marks on her neck where Michele had attempted to choke her. Michele followed behind them saying, “She was upset. I was trying to comfort her." I realized for the rest of the trip, I would have to keep a sharp eye out for Michele.

Another thing that happened on that trip that caught me by surprise was that the club director awarded Christi the first annual Pathfinder of the Year award. He said all of the group had voted on it. I had been left out of the voting because she was my daughter. I was proud she had an engraved plaque to hang on her wall, but I was unsure what she had done to deserve the honor. 
*****

During the summer, we decided to send the kids to public school during the fall semester. If it didn’t go well we could always put them back in Church school. All three of them seemed worried about going to a bigger school where they didn’t know anyone. Changes always made them nervous, but life is all about change, and it is something we can’t always control. Sometimes change can be a good thing.

For Carol, who would be going into high school the change would be greater, because the high schools in Metairie weren’t co-ed. She would be going to an all girl school. This would be the first time since first grade that Don and Christi would not be in the same school with her. For one more year, the two of them would attend a middle school and be in the same class.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 69
Rocky Mountain High

By BethShelby

During her second half of her eighth grade year, Carol had the rhinoplasty surgery to give her a straighter nose. She did it during the break at school. so she could be home while she was breathing through her mouth and allowing her nose to heal. When she went back to class, most of the bruising was gone. but some of the swelling was still there. No one mentioned the fact that the shape of her nose had changed, but instead of the nickname “Nose” for a while, she had a new name. They called her “Puffy Face.” It didn’t appear to bother her at all. 

However, now both Don and Christi wanted to have the surgery as well. Don had inherited the prominent bridge, so you told him that if he wasn’t happy with his nose to wait until he was a little older, and we would let him have the surgery as well. Christi’s nose was much smaller and nothing to be concerned about, but it was apparent that she was becoming self-conscious about her own nose. You couldn’t handle having passed on a trait that made your children feel uncomfortable with their appearance. We knew that, at some point, she would probably insist on having her nose done as well.

School was out in May and the eighth grade graduation program was the highlight of the year. Carol wore a red cap and gown. Christi sang a solo from the ‘Fiddler on the Roof’ and my three children said farewell to the academy they had attended for the last five years.
******  

My first months of working at my latest job were enjoyable. I decided I liked the idea of changing jobs often. This way there were always new things to learn and new people to get to know. I didn’t have the problem of getting burned out with the same routine day after day. I admired you for sticking with the same company for years, but I decided it wasn’t for me.

The old adage of ‘a rolling stone gathers no moss’ fit me more than it did you. I realized I would never be promoted to a better position in any company by moving around so much, but it wasn’t a priority for me. I considered myself fortunate to have you as the main wage earner. This way I had the opportunity to focus on family and my other interests. I liked knowing any job would likely be a temporary juncture in my life. I wasn’t worried because I’d never had trouble finding a job.

I was thankful that as long as I had you, I didn’t need to consider any job as a permanent necessity. You had always given me the option of staying home if that was my choice. I liked working and liked to believe my salary made things easier for all of us by contributing to the family support and also allowed both of us to have money to do with as we chose.
******

When I took the job with William’s Printing Company, I’d taken it with the understanding that you had vacation time coming, and that I would be able to take off a week without pay in order to take another family vacation.

In spite of vows you’d made concerning no more family vacations when we’d gone to Niagara Falls the year before, in the summer of 1976, we were about to embark on another vacation trip. Again we drove to my parents' home in Mississippi. This time we’d decided that rather than stay at motels, we would make it a camping vacation and wouldn’t spend a lot of money on anything other than gas. The kids had gotten used to camping out in Pathfinders. You decided you wanted to take the van, and you and I could sleep in that. No matter where we went, we should be able to find parks designed for camping. We packed some food and planned to stop at grocery stores along the way to add as needed.

Last year when we made plans, it hadn’t worked out so well. This time, we decided not to be locked into specific plans and see how that would work. We talked about where we might want to go. There were three places mentioned. The beach was favored by the twins. You didn’t seem to have a preference. Carol, who was still in the middle of her John Denver phase, wanted to go West toward Colorado, and I thought maybe the Southwest would be a good choice, since we'd never seen the Grand Canyon. 

You drove as far as Meridian, Mississippi and stopped the car. “We need to know where we are heading,” you said. “From here we can go in any direction, but we have to decide.”

You pulled out four matches and broke one. You held them in a way we couldn’t tell which one was the shortest. “Here’s the deal,” you said. “Whoever gets the shortest one gets to choose. Carol, Christi, Don and I each drew a match. Connie was still too young for a choice. Carol got the broken match. “We’re going to Colorado," she told us. There was a collective sigh from the twins. But you turned West. Those bathing suits we’d packed weren’t going to be used.
  
The twins began to chant a sing-song refrain they made up, which we had to listen to for many miles, “We don’t care what that woman says….We want hotels, motels, res-tu-rants…..” To this day they all remember that silly chant.

In spite of a long ride ahead, we had plenty of room in the van for everyone to move around, play games and get exercise. I looked at the road maps and laid out a route toward Colorado. We swapped driving positions often and made rest stops as they were needed. Later that day we decided to find a camping site at a State park in Missouri. It was a nice site near a lake. You helped the kids pitch our tent which the four of them would share. We spread our meal on the picnic table after we used the bathhouse. The area was lighted enough to feel safe at night, but not too bright to keep us from sleeping. You and I were comfortable in the back of the van. Since we were near Six Flags Over Mid America, the kids were excited when we agreed to go there the following day.

We spent several hours at Six Flags and all of the children enjoyed the rides. We spent another night at an excellent park a bit farther along our way, before arriving at our main destination. You and I were both blown away with the beauty of the countryside as we drove into Estes Park, Colorado. However, it didn’t take us long to realize that the clothes we had packed would never work in the Rockies in May. We went shopping and everyone got new long sleeve sweatshirts.

That night, we camped at a park high in the mountains. The next morning when we awakened, the sunrise view was amazing. You put Connie on your shoulders and we all took a hike over the mountain ridges. It was a magical experience. It is a happy memory I’ll never forget. Later that day, we drove up even higher and there was soft, partially-melted snow everywhere. The children all enjoyed playing in the snow and all the while not being the least bit cold.

The rest of the trip was pleasant. We found nice parks every night where we could camp in safety. There were swings and other playground equipment for the children and interesting places to hike and convenient bathhouses. It turned out to be one of best vacation trips we’d ever taken.
******

The next weekend was Connie’s third birthday and we were able to spend it at our place in the country.  One of Connie’s favorite presents was a plastic swimming pool which we filled with water, and all the children enjoyed playing in it. 

The older children had the rest of the summer to worry about the fact that in a couple of months they would be starting a new phase in their lives as they attended a public school, where everyone would be a stranger.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 70
Sitter Changes and Public School

By BethShelby

In the summer of 1976, Miss Dolly, who had kept Connie almost since her birth, was having a surgery and would be unable to keep her for a few months. Lately Dolly had also been keeping another child. Joe was a little boy about Connie’s age.  Connie thought of him as her first little boyfriend. His mother called and told me about another lady she knew of who could keep our children while Dolly was recovering. This lady was known to the children as Miss Melanie.

Melanie had several young children she was  already keeping, but she was willing to take Connie and Joe. Connie didn’t seem to mind the change and Melanie liked Connie right away. She had all the children trained to take a nap every day. Joe seemed willing to go along with the plan, but with Connie, it wouldn’t happen. She simply refused to take a nap. She told me that she thought she was Miss Melanie’s favorite, because she got to hang out with her while the other kids had to take a nap.

Melanie and her husband were typical of the people who lived in the area. They loved their seafood.  Melanie related a story to us that she found amusing concerning Connie. Her husband had brought in a large bucket of Crayfish. Crayfish are freshwater crustaceans that resemble small lobsters. Being from Mississippi we knew what they were, but we didn’t even realize that civilized people ate such things. Since moving to Louisiana, we were finding that Louisiana people eat a lot of things we had always shied away from.

Apparently Connie had looked into the bucket to see what was there and Melanie told her it was crayfish. They were all still alive and crawling all over each other in the sand and water inside the bucket. Melanie dumped one of them out on the sidewalk so Connie could get a better look. The creature started scrambling toward Connie with its claw extended. She freaked out and screamed, “I don’t like that fish! Get that fish away from me!” I could see Connie doing that. Actually, I might have had the same reaction, but I wouldn’t have called it a fish.
*******

Your family was dealing with a crisis around this time. Joe, your sister Helen’s husband, who had framed in our house in the country, had been diagnosed with cancer. Joe was a skilled carpenter, but he had had some bad breaks and had borrowed too much money to start his church pew factory. Unable to pay the debt, he defaulted and lost the business. He had later suffered a heart attack. Now the final blow was that he had lung cancer which had spread throughout his body, and he had been informed it was terminal. The only son, Jimmy had grown up, finished college, married and was living in Gulfport, Mississippi. Helen had never learned to drive but would soon be left to fend for herself.

We went to visit them often when we were in Newton. For a while after he had worked on our house, there had been some bad feelings when you’d asked for a paperwork on the expenses Joe had incurred. Now, all of that wasn’t mentioned. Joe was a broken man, knowing that his time was short. He was fond of Connie and liked to hold her when we came over.  At one point before he became so sick, he had helped Don and me put together a kit for a metal detector which Don had wanted.  Since he could no longer work, he had taught himself to play the keyboard and spent much of his time doing that.
******* 

In September the kids all started in their new schools. Since they were public schools, the buses came around and picked them up. Grace King, the all-girl high school which Carol attended, had too many students and so part of the students went to classes early and came home shortly after noon and the other students attended classes later and got out around six in the evening. Carol was assigned morning classes.

Carol had known everyone in the schools she had attended before. Although her grades had not been bad, she and some of her friends played around and had not taken school that seriously. Now that she would be attending a large high school,  where she didn’t know anyone and everything would be different, she realized she was going to have to get serious about studying.

On the first day, she was assigned a homeroom and given a list of classes that were available for her to choose from. She brought the list home, and I tried to help her select from the list the classes that would meet the core needs and prepare her for college, but also classes which I thought she might enjoy. In her homeroom she bonded with another girl who had a similar last name and was assigned a seat near hers. She and Diedra would remain friends throughout high school, and although they would attend different classes, they always got together on their lunch breaks.

The transition was easier for the twins. They quickly got acquainted with other children and were soon used to the new routine. Some of the school work was repetitive, while other things were new. Don, who still had a hyper streak, would have more trouble concentrating and adjusting to work that he’d not been exposed to before, but Christi caught on faster. They were in the same class, so they had each other to depend on.

In English classes, the reading material was a lot different than what any of them were used to. The church school had not encouraged them to read a lot of the novels which they were expected to read in public school. Some of them I’d read before having attended public school, but there were many new ones on the required reading list. I'd heard of them, but hadn’t had the chance to read them. Since I love books and my children weren’t that fond of reading, I read a lot of the books aloud to them.

In public school, they all had opportunities to take art classes. I was happy about that because they all had some talent in that area and enjoyed art. They had been exposed to music more in the church school, but they could still pursue that through church and private lessons.
********
 
As fall wore on, we were in the midst of a presidential election. Gerald Ford was running for another term, and he was running against a Democrat, Jimmy Carter. Ford had finished out the term when Nixon was forced to resign, and some people didn’t consider him a legitimately elected president. Ford's wife, Betty, was an alcoholic and was forced by intervention to confront her problem. She also had to deal with breast cancer.

Carter was from Georgia and had started out as a peanut farmer, so a lot of people didn’t find him an appealing choice either, in spite of the fact that he had served as Governor of Georgia. In November, Jimmy Carter won the election. Walter Mondale was his vice president. Their term would start in January of 1977.

We wondered what changes another year might bring in our lives. There had been quite a few during the twenty years since we became husband and wife. We had coped with many ups and downs over the years, but neither of us regretted the hand we had been dealt.  We were still in love and felt that we had been truly blessed with a wonderful family.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 71
Fall and Winter of 1976

By BethShelby

As the school days went by, Carol became more of a recluse. She stayed in her room for hours and studied. She sometimes mentioned Diedra, the one friend she had made at school, but neither of us ever met her. The girls didn’t meet outside of class as far as I know.

She did have a special friend from Church, however. Carmen was a Latino girl who had moved into the area recently, and Carol did visit Carmen sometimes on weekends. Carmen lived with her sister and brother-in-law, who was an airline pilot. I don’t remember Carmen having a Spanish accent, but I’m sure she must have, because she wasn’t born in this country. She told Carol that she learned to speak English from watching Sesame Street.

Carmen knew someone who had a dog with puppies. The mother of the puppies was a medium-size poodle. She hadn't been bred to a registered dog, and the puppies were a mixed breed. Carmen took one of the puppies, and Carol began to plead with us to let her have one of the other puppies. You were against it, since our yard wasn’t fenced, and we couldn’t let a dog run free. Since we were both away from home so much of the time, we couldn't be responsible for a dog.

Finally we told Carol that if she took the puppy, she would be solely responsible. She would have to keep the puppy in her room, and give it food, water, paper train it, and also walk it outside. She agreed to all of this, and soon brought home a cute puppy with curly black hair.  She named him Bimbo after a popular song at that time.

This first experience in becoming a dog owner became a part of Carol’s life, that to this day, she cringes when she remembers Bimbo. As time passed, he would become a terrible burden to a girl, who really wanted to be a good dog owner, but didn’t know how. For the time being, he was a cute puppy, and we hoped this would turn out to be a good experience for her.  Of course when puppies teethe, they chew on anything available, which happened to be the legs of her furniture.
*******

On Halloween night in the fall of 1976, a tragedy occurred for Miss Melanie, who kept Connie each day.  She had a teenage son, who was a senior in high school. That night, he was involved in an auto accident that took his life. For a couple of weeks, Joe’s mother and I were looking for other solutions to find childcare for our children. We did find a nursery that was able to take them temporarily, while Melanie got her life back into some return to normality.

Since Joe and Connie were able to attend together, it worked out well enough, and Melanie was back keeping them again before the year was out. Connie told me that while the other children slept, Melanie would hold her and show her pictures of the son she lost and would cry. I know how heartbroken she must have been. I guess having the children in her home again helped Melanie regain some stability.
******

Christmas came with us going to Mississippi for the holidays as usual. Your mother always insisted on having all of her children there for lunch on Christmas day. Now that she was renting a small house in Newton, the place was often crowded. Since the family was large, we had started drawing names for swapping gifts, but each family gave gifts to the children as well as to your mom.

Your younger sister Nan's son was named Kelly. He was a year older than Connie. This year Nan and Kelly came without her husband, Richard. Ever since the Christmas when Richard and Wayne got into a fight, they didn’t dare ruin Christmas again by being together. Helen came late, since she’d spent the morning in the hospital with Joe, who was hospitalized because of cancer.

Rhomas and Shirley and their two boys were also late this year. There seemed to be some sort of tension between your brother and his wife that made us wonder if things might not be going well for them. As usual, everyone went home with a pair of multicolored crocheted house-shoes, your mom's usual gift to all of us. She must have spent months making all those shoes.

Back home in Metairie, many of our neighbors brought in the new year by dragging their Christmas trees to the Lake Pontchartrain levee behind our house and setting them ablaze. It was a New Year tradition in the New Orleans area. We had an artificial tree, so we left our tree up well into the New Year.
*******

In January of 1977, we begin hearing about personal computers becoming available. It hadn’t been long since the size had come down to the point of making that a possibility. Commodore was one of the first to introduce home computers. They were expensive and mostly used for word processing and playing games. The World Wide Web was still somewhere in the distant future. It never occurred to me that it was something I might be interested in having. I had just bought myself a used electric IBM typewriter, and to me, that was the ultimate means of writing.

The miniseries,'Roots' was airing on TV. Other popular shows were Love Boat, Chips, Fantasy Island and The Incredible Hulk. Star Wars was coming out in theaters.
*******

I was having to work a lot of overtime on my job, so I started assigning the older children jobs to do at home to help out. This was about the only way to get Carol out of her room. I bought ingredients for easy to prepare meals, so that they could start supper on days when I would get home late. There was a good bit of arguing about whose turn it was to start supper. I'm sure without someone to supervise, they did more goofing off than working or studying before we got home.

On days when I had to work late, you had to go and pick up Connie from Melanie's. By that time, you were tired and ready to sit down and watch TV.  By the time I got home, I would be almost too tired to eat. I felt I was letting everyone down.
*******
  
New Orleans was seldom cold for long. But we did have a few cold spells that stood out. It snowed at least once, and while it was just a heavy dusting, it was a big treat for the area kids who had never seen snow before. It was the first snow for Connie, but she was still too young to remember it.

The worst cold we had to deal with was during a weekend in January when we had been in Mississippi. Since the temperature seldom got very low, houses weren't always built to deal with extremes. While we were away on this weekend, the mercury dropped abnormally low. The next day, things went back to the more seasonable range. We came back home to find the poorly insulated pipes in the wall of our bedroom had broken, and we had five inch deep water on the carpet in our bedroom.

You and I had to get the water cut off and move furniture around so that we could pull up the carpet and drag it outside. That was a bad ending to our weekend, and it didn’t end there. We had to find a plumber who could tear out part of the brick outside wall and repair the leak. Eventually the carpet dried out enough that you and I brought it back inside and tried to reposition it. Surprisingly, we were able to get it back in place without noticeable buckling.

(For those of you reading this, who have come to expect at least one disaster for each chapter, this is an extra one for you.)
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 72
Carnival Season In New Orleans

By BethShelby

The Mardi Gras Season in New Orleans always kicks off on the 12th night following Christmas, which is on January 6. There are many clubs or "krewes" that participated in the celebration with fancy balls and parades. The krewes are often named after Greek gods and goddesses like Bacchus and Isis. The krewes select a king or queen which reigns over their celebration and rides on a float in the parade. They sometime chose celebrities as the king or queen.

The Rex parade is downtown on Fat Tuesday, the last day of Mardi Gras. The King selected by the Rex parade is the main king or the King of Carnival. The parades start two weeks before and leading up to the big day which is on the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday. Lent begins on Wednesday and Good Friday and Easter follow.

Each krewe mints new doubloons with a different design each year in red, gold, and green. Doubloon collecting is like coin collecting. Collectors try to get them in all colors from all of the krewes. Kids trade them at school and adults also collect them. Some rare dates sell for quite a lot in coin shops. Don was excited about starting a collection. We bought him a binder with plastic holders for the doubloons.

After the first parade or so which you saw after we first moved to the area, you decided that you had seen enough and were ready to stay home. The children and I liked the excitement and pageantry. I enjoyed looking at the costumes and elaborate floats, and they liked collecting bags of doubloons and beads and other trinkets. Carol, the more serious of our children, wasn’t quite as interested as the twins were and would sometimes choose to stay home with you.

Once I took the twins and Connie downtown without you. Don really wanted to go to this parade, thinking he would get a lot of new doubloons. The crowds were four and five deep, and I was determined not to let go of Connie for a second. That meant, I had to trust Don and Christi to stay near us.

A float passed flinging so many doubloons and beads  that the crowd went crazy, and the people were chasing behind the float trying to get as much as possible. The twins either chased the float, or were pushed along by the crowd. I couldn’t find them anywhere. It took me at least twenty minutes of looking everywhere, before I finally found Christi, but Don wasn’t with her. I demanded that she not leave my side. When the parade ended, I was in tears. But after the crowd thinned, Don showed up. He’d remembered where I’d parked, and had gone there when he couldn’t find us. It was the last time I went to a downtown parade without you.

The previous season, your sister Maxine, and Wayne had visited us and gone to one of the Saturday parades in the French Quarters. This is an area to be avoided if safety is a concern. Someone snatched Wayne’s wallet, and he gave chase. Wayne was overweight and had nearly given himself a heart-attack, but he’d been successful in getting his wallet back. You and I stayed away from that part of the city when the parades were going.

This year, in 1977, Henry Winkler, the Fonz, of Happy Days had been selected as the reigning monarch of the Bacchus parade. The parade was in downtown New Orleans at night and the kids persuaded you to take us. Probably, the only reason you agreed is because you wanted to keep us safe. It was crowded, and we had to get there early. We were nearly midnight getting back home. I think this was the last time you attended a Mardi Gras parade downtown.

Metairie had it’s own parades now and it was much safer. Barbara Eden of I Dream of Jeanie was one of the celebrities who was on one of the Metairie floats.

New Orleans had other celebrations as well. Since the main religious group in New Orleans is Catholic a lot of the celebrations had to do with that faith. St Joseph's Day and St Patrick's Day were celebrated in March. St. Patrick was the patron Saint of Ireland and the parade day was on March 17th. One of the things unique about this one was that you might come home with food thrown from floats. The people on the St. Patrick's Day floats, along with throwing beads and doubloons to the crowds, also threw ingredients for Irish stew. They threw cabbages, onions, potatoes and carrots. This parade wanders loosely though neighborhoods, stopping at pubs along the way, where bartenders serve them green beer.

There were also marchers in these parades, carrying sticks covered in white carnations or roses. The flowers would be awarded to ladies along the route in exchange for a kiss. By the time most of the participants got to the end of the parade route, they were often pretty inebriated, having indulged in so much beer. While I couldn't approve of the lifestyle, these celebrations did add local color and gave us something to do which seemed interesting for a while.

This parade route was in a safe neighborhood and residents brought out folding chairs, or sat in the grass of their lawns to watch. Since we were living in the area, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to learn a bit about the local culture, so I took the children to several of these parades. I think you may have gone to one with us.

The Feast of Saint Joseph followed closely after St Patrick's Day, and their parade was always on Saturday, so we never attended that one. St Joseph was the patron saint of Sicily and the celebration was in honor of those of Italian heritage. The Altars of their churches were laden with carefully prepared food and flowers which I think were donated to charities after the ceremonies were over.
******

Carol had her sixteenth birthday in February. I had scheduled an appointment to get her hair styled that day. She was against the idea, but I pushed it, and she went. She barely allowed me to make one picture before going and washing her hair and putting it back straight the way she liked it. She was stubborn when it came to trying to change anything about her appearance. She was only comfortable with the way she saw herself, and woe unto anyone who wanted to change anything about her.
*******

As soon as school was dismissed for the summer vacation, Christi joined a girls softball team that played at Johnny Bright playground near us in Metairie. A new Karate studio had opened and all three kids got one month of free lessons. After the first month, we paid for Don to continue to take lessons.  
*******
The week after we celebrated Connie’s fourth birthday, Joe Wilson, your sister Helen’s husband, died. We took off work and went to Newton for his funeral. He was the first of our family in-laws to die. Helen would be at the mercy of neighbors to help her when she needed to get groceries or go to church, since she didn’t drive. She didn’t live far from your Mom, but she didn’t drive either.

1977 wasn’t a good year for your family.  In the near future, another event would occur to shake the Shelby family.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 73
Shelby Family Updates

By BethShelby

In August, we took the kids on a three-day trip to Panama Beach Florida. The twins were especially interested in going to the beach and Connie was old enough to enjoy it as well. We all got sunburned, but no one quite as badly as I was. We came back through Newton and visited our families.

From your mother, we were shocked to learn that your brother, Rhomas, and Shirley were in the process of getting a divorce. Rhomus had suspected Shirley was having an affair, so he hired a detective. When his suspicions were confirmed, he didn’t feel he would ever trust her again. Harold, the oldest son, would soon be eighteen, but Mike was only fourteen. The boys would continue to live with their mother.

Shirley moved out of their new house, and they put it on the market. Once they both hired lawyers, it became an ugly divorce. The family had some dreadful things to say about Shirley. It would be years before you and I  would ever see her again. Rhomas was having heart problems, and the stress he was under made things worse. The engineering project, which he’d headed up in Brandon, had ended, and he decided to lay off work for a while before looking for another project. 

After they divided the property, Rhomus bought a house and moved to Newton. This was a good thing for your mother and Helen, since he could take them to church and drive them shopping when they needed to go. Since both your family and mine were now in Newton, it made it a bit easier for us when we visited there as well.
*******

Your sister, Maxine, and Wayne were living in Jackson with their two boys. Wayne managed a Goodyear tire store. Your younger sister, Nan, and Richard and their son, Kelly, lived in Gulfport, MS. Richard worked for the local paper and wrote a weekly fishing column, and Nan taught music lessons and was the music director for her church. Both of them were active in Little Theater. Richard was so interested in hurricanes that he became a spokesman for the Gulf Coast hurricane center. Whenever there was a hurricane in the gulf, he was always on television.

Two gulf hurricanes threatened our area in 1977. You had a greater fear of hurricanes and tornados than I did.  I found that strange, because my mother and I were taken up in a tornado when I was a child, and our family lost everything. I always wanted to stay home and ride out the storm, but you insisted that we pack up and leave the area.

However, we did ride down to Grand Isle in south Louisiana to see what a storm looked like in the gulf waters. The storm was still a long way out to sea, but the wind and waves were putting on a great show of strength. Out on the beach, the blowing sand stung our skin and got in our eyes. We were only there a few minutes before the Coast Guard closed the beach.  The whole area was ordered to evacuate immediately. You wasted no time getting us back over the bridge and on our way back home.

Both Hurricanes, Babe and  Anita, threatened New Orleans during this hurricane season. We left the area each time, but one of our exits turned out to be the wrong move. We packed into the van and headed up into Mississippi to wait out the storm, miles from New Orleans. I can’t remember the name of the little town where we parked our van to wait. At the last minute, the storm changed directions and headed our way. We ended up riding it out in the van, which seemed close to overturning at any moment. It was scary for all of us. Metairie and New Orleans got only rain and light winds with no damage.
********

When school started for the fall semester of 1977, Don and Christi were separated. Christi went to Grace King where Carol was beginning her Sophomore year, and Christi was a Freshmen. Don went to East Jefferson, an all boys high school. The seniors at Grace King initiate the Freshmen by making them their slaves for the day. Christi was so embarrassed because she had to get on the school bus wearing a bathrobe, with her hair up in curlers. The initiation hadn't bothered Carol the previous year, but Christi was a child who was super sensitive about her looks. She was very pretty, but she was only able to see her flaws. She became the member of the family who constantly made us late for church and everything else. She couldn’t leave the house without going back to look in mirror many times, making sure there was nothing amiss.

She also had a problem in school of falling asleep in History class. The teacher called me often, concerning her habit of falling asleep. She thought maybe she had a physical problem. Christi told me that it was because the class was right after lunch, and her teacher was boring. She said the teacher embarrassed her one day by raising her voice and calling out, “If Christi Shelby would wake up, we might be able to continue this class.”

Christi tried out for color guard and was selected as one of the members. This meant she had to have a uniform. She would be marching in the Mardi Gras parades and for other after school activities. The outfit consisted of a short, flared, green skirt, a long sleeve white satin blouse, a green sash, a hat and white majorette boots. The color guard always marched with each member carrying a school flag.
*********

Connie had gone back to Dolly’s for a while, but things weren’t going so well there. Dolly had taken in a lady boarder. One day, the lady took me aside to tell me something was badly wrong with Dolly. Dolly was accusing her of stealing and not paying her rent. She didn’t know what to do, because she had done nothing wrong. One day, Dolly’s son came in where I was working to get some printing done. He confided to me that his mother had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. He told me that I probably shouldn’t take Connie there. I asked Connie what was going on, and she told me that Miss Dolly gave her food to eat that was frozen. I felt terrible for Dolly, but I knew I could no longer risk Connie going there.
*********

The winter of 1977 and 1978 saw some unusually low temperatures. We were thankful that South Louisiana was a place that never stayed cold for long, but the winter wind did cut back on our frequent bike rides and walks along the Lake Pontchartrain levee. In January, there was a blizzard in the Great Lakes and Ohio Valley area that caused 51 deaths. In early February, there was another blizzard in the Northeast that hit New England and New York and killed over 100 people.

In other news, during those first two months, there were some horrible crime stories of serial killers. Richard Chase, known as the Vampire of Sacramento, was arrested. He was a cannibal who killed and drank the blood of his victims. The Hillside strangler was active in the Los Angles area and had just claimed his tenth victim. In Florida. Ted Bundy, who raped and killed young women across the United States was finally arrested. He confessed to 30 victims, but it was likely there were many more.

I realize that is not a pleasant way to end a chapter. We could only trust that the rest of the year would bring more good news than bad. At least, our branch of the Shelby family was still doing well. We had our problems, but compared with much of the world, they were minor.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 74
All About Family

By BethShelby

Carol celebrated her seventeenth birthday in February of 1978. The twins had their fifteenth birthday two months earlier, in December. We celebrated most birthdays as family only parties these days. The children liked Mexican food, and there was a favorite local restaurant which they often chose for their special occasions. I always made sure they had cake and ice cream at home. Christi's and Don's brithday was so close to Christmas that their cake was usually trimmed in red and green.

Carol was taking bookkeeping in school and we decided to turn our checkbook over to her and let her learn by keeping up with the bills for us. When the mail arrived, we would give it to her and ask her to make sure the bills were paid several days before the due date. She was doing a good job, and I was very proud of her. Somehow a bill was misplaced, and when it didn’t get paid, our electricity was cut off. Carol felt it was her fault, and she didn’t want to do the bills any more.

You decided you would take over the books, instead of me. Since you sometimes wrote checks and forgot to tell me, I had devised a way of keeping more in the account than showed. That way I could make sure we didn’t bounce checks. You didn’t like not knowing exactly how much was there. I kept a separate account of money I earned, so I was happy to let you deal with the main household account. I would buy the groceries, family clothes, and presents with my money.

It was my job to do the income tax. You had never done it, and you thought I knew what I was doing. I hated doing it and would put it off as long as possible. Every year, there were changes in the law, and I’d need to read through the whole book again. I was used to working under pressure, but waiting until the last minute made you nervous, so you would bug me until I did it. You printed beautifully, so you always recopied my work before you mailed it. There were many times when you sped to the post office just before mid-night on April 15th. We had nothing to worry about, because we always had money coming back. They couldn’t put a penalty on money they owed us, but the law said file by April 15th so you insisted on having it there by then.

Don was making passing grades in school, but he had such terrible handwriting and spelling skills, it amazed me that he did as well as he did. He apparently had the ability to compose a good story. His English teacher had the students write stories as daily assignments. Don always wrote personal stories that had an amusing twist. Some were embarrassing for the family, but they delighted his teacher. She told him he could be a writer if he would just learn to spell and type. I tried to get him to take typing, but he couldn’t seem to get his fingers to cooperate. They worked just fine on guitar strings but not a typewriter.

Christi and Don both had excellent singing voices, and they were often called on to sing duets in church. They were asked to sing at weddings, as well. Carol had a good singing voice also, but she didn’t like to sing in public unless it was with a group.

Carol had a special gift for doing pencil portraits. She also did other art work in colored pencils and in oil. In art class, she did a picture of sheep on a hillside. That one hangs in my bedroom. She also did a large portrait in oil of a Greek Orthodox priest sitting and reading from a large Bible. There was a window above him overlooking a hillside.

The Shah of Iran had been recently overthrown and was in exile. He looked much like the man in the painting, so everyone thought she had painted his portrait. In reality, she got the idea from a National Geographic magazine. She gave it to my mom for Christmas that year. Carol didn’t seem to treasure her work and always gave it to anyone who wanted it.

Christi and Don were also talented in art, and in time Connie would be. as well. Their styles differed. Christi liked crafts and decorating. Don was more of a perfectionist, which is much like you. Your precise way of working was right for doing the drafting work. 

As for me, I liked to do a painting in one session. I worked in water color and oil, but I was very messy. It wasn’t unusual for me to get oil paint all over myself. When you critiqued my work, especially when I was painting animals, your suggestions for improvement kept me redoing details until you approved. I liked painting landscapes and seascapes and things that didn’t involve a lot of detail. I only painted occasionally after college. The commercial art I did at work was quite different from the fine art courses I took in college. Most of that involved arranging ads and drawings were usually pen and ink. If color was involved it was done with overlays.

When the school year ended in May of that year, I encouraged Carol to find a summer job. She was reluctant to go on interviews, and I'm sure she thought I was nagging her. I guess I was to an extent, but Carol would stay in her room and become a hermit if I didn't push her a bit. She did reluctantly go looking for something. She worked with a temporary agency as a file clerk, and then she got a permanent job working at a doughnut shop. The experience was good for her, and she was well liked by her co-workers. For the first time in her life, she was earning her own money, and the tips weren’t that bad either. The down side was that she brought a bag of day-old doughnuts home each night, which put too much sugar into our diets and interfered with our waistlines. For some reason, we never insisted she not do it.

Some incidences did occur there which were sad. One of the regular customers, who Carol knew well, died of a heart attack. Then two of her co-workers died tragically. They were both cutters, who actually made the doughnuts. The first one who died was married but cheating on his wife. He was on the highway with his girlfriend, when they came upon an auto accident. He got out of his car to investigate and was hit by another car and killed.

The other death was more tramatic for her. He was a young guy, not much older than she was. He was a special friend. She admitted that she had a crush on him in spite of the fact he was hooked on drugs. He lived in a house-trailer, and one night, it caught fire, and he was unable to get out. Everyone believed that he was likely smoking pot and too high to escape. She seemed very sad for a long while after that.

You were going through a rough spot in your life, where you were concerned about what to do with our country place. You were hoping to be able to retire early and return to a less hectic lifestyle, where you could raise cattle and sell timber and not have to worry about dealing with the public.

When you tried to talk to me about it, I found I had a blind spot when it came to the farm. It was a great place to get away for a few days, but the children and I didn’t want to live there. I couldn’t give you the answers you wanted. When the subject came up, we were at an impasse.

When you didn’t get answers from me, you would take Carol to the levee and try to talk to her about it. I could feel you withdrawing from me. Because you weren’t happy, I had my moments of shedding a few tears as well. You and I both knew, that with four children to try to get through college, and three of them in the near future, our expenses would be great. It wasn’t something we could swing without your salary. This was one dilemma that would plague us for the next few years.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 75
First Bird to Leave the Nest

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes. this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

After school ended in May of 1978, Don wanted to have the cosmetic surgery on his nose that Carol had had earlier, so we let him get it. On the day of the surgery, he became nervous when we took him in to have his blood-work done. He had never had blood drawn before, and he stared at the tube as it filled with red liquid. We had to take him up several floors for the surgery. He made it into the elevator before his knees buckled under him and he hit the floor. He was fine, but as his mother, I couldn’t keep my stomach from churning, until he was safely returned to us. He looked like the victim of a bar fight, but was bandaged and ready to go home. It took a few days for the swelling and bruising to subside, but he was very happy with his new nose. I had to admit, it did make him quite handsome. 

In June, Connie celebrated her fifth birthday. Now that she was five, she would be going to preschool in the fall. Connie had made friends with the two little girls who lived across the street. One of them, Roxanne, had been born the same week as Connie. Her sister’s name was Rhonda. Often, the two of them came over to play.  A boy named Jonathan and his older sister, Judy, lived next door. Jonathan was close to Connie's age. Sometimes, he played with Connie. I remember one day he kept bugging you while you were trying to paint the trim on the house. You threatened to dump paint on him, if he didn't stop bothering you.

Don had a brass sword with a Spanish emblem hanging in his room.  He had persuaded me to buy it when we were at a garage sale. One day, Connie decided to get the sword, which was nearly as big as she was, so she could show it to Jonathan. She didn’t ask permission from anyone, but when you saw her running across our yard and dragging the sword behind her, you freaked out. Connie was fortunate that she didn't cut herself. After that, we kept the sword sheathed and hanging higher.

The fall semester would be Carol's final year in high school. She would finish in December of that year, since she would have taken the required classes, but the graduation ceremony would be in the Spring of 1979. We had a decision to make about Don. Some of his friends from church would be attending Ozark Academy in North Arkansas, which was the approved school for the Louisiana/Arkansas conference of our church. His friends, their parents, and our pastor were all encouraging us to send the twins to that school. Christi was satisfied to continue at Grace King, and we were convinced that she was not ready to leave home. We weren’t sure that Don was ready either, but he pleaded with us to let him go. His best friend would be going.

The students were encouraged to work on campus, which would help toward their room and board. If Don attended he would be assigned a job on the maintenance crew. The main drawback was that the school was over 500 miles from New Orleans. One reason they wanted him to go was to spread cost of transportation by having another student on the bus, which transported students to and from on breaks, We finally agreed to let him see if he could handle being that far from home.

We needed to be there to register him as a student and get him settled in the dormitory. In August, we took the van to drop Don off at school. He would be the first to leave home, and we wouldn’t see him again until the first break in October. Since the drive was so long, we planned on making it our vacation trip for the summer. Once again,we planned it as a camping trip, since the last one had worked out well.

We drove to Hot Springs and spent our first night at a KOA campground. We had been to Hot Springs several times, and we enjoyed seeing the town again and driving up the mountain above the city. We visited and explored the Pea Ridge Military park near Garfield, Arkansas. There was a Civil War homestead to explore. We also went through a cave, which upset Connie, since she couldn’t handle dark places. That night we stayed at a KOA park near Eureka Springs. We visited a place where there was a giant statue known as Christ of the Ozarks. This is a place where a well known passion play is presented. Unfortunately, our schedule didn’t allow us to include that. 

On our final night before dropping Don off at school, we found a Jellystone Campground near Branson, Mo. This was a favorite for all the kids, especially Connie. They had a lot activities for the family. Connie got to ride around with Yogi Bear in a little red car. That night there was a hayride which we all went on. There was also an outdoor movie, and later fireworks. The town of Branson was just starting to become the  place to vacation, for those who enjoy country music. Now many people choose Branson as their vacation destination. There are many country shows to see that weren't there in the 70's.

It was finally time to drop Don off for his school year. The campus seemed like it would be a pleasant and safe place for our son’s first experience away from the family. We went in to help Don register and advise on which classes he should take to prepare him for college. We helped him get situated and met his roommate, Lowell,  a part-Indian boy form Enid, Oklahoma. He was very polite and seemed to be a nice kid. We said our goodbyes and left, dreading the the long drive ahead of us.

Back home in Metairie, our next task was to get our last child ready for her adventure into the world of education. I bought her some cute school clothes and all the materials required for a preschooler. and  I went with her on her first day and met one of the moms, who had a little girl Connie’s age. Jennifer was the child’s name and she and Connie would become friends. They were neighbors from four houses down.

Since preschoolers only went to school until noon, I needed someone to keep Connie in the afternoon, until the girls got home. Jennifer's mom, Lisa, told me that her next door neighbor, who also had a young daughter, would love to keep another child. She introduced me to Dianne, who was a very sweet lady. Diane agreed to keep Connie, and Lisa agreed to make sure our daughters got safely on and off the bus each day. 

We called Don, and he seemed happy with his new surroundings. He liked his roommate and also the man who would be supervising his campus job. Don would be helping him do some construction work. There were several girls interested in him. One girl, named Loraine, was mentioned several times. We were dismayed to learn he had changed the classes I had marked for him to take. He had dropped history and typing was taking auto mechanics and some other course, which he didn’t need. He said that he and some of the guys planned to go caving and mountain climbing. We were starting to have second thoughts about whether or not we’d made a wise decision.

In October, we were counting on his first trip home and anxious to meet the bus after the 10-hour journey back to Metairie. Then we got a frantic phone call. He had missed the bus. He was supposed to be there at six a.m., and he was late. They left without him. We were as upset as Don, but had no idea what could be done.

The school called us soon afterward, offering an apology. They said the bus driver was at fault, because he had strict instructions to call the roll and not leave until he was sure he had all the students returning to Metairie. The school decided to fly him home at their expense. We met the plane at the airport. Our son arrived home five hours before the other students made it back.
 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 76
More of Life in the Seventies

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes. this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

In November of 1978, there was a news story that had everyone glued to their TV. A murder-suicide occurred in Guyana. Jim Jones, an ordained minister and doomsday cult leader, had taken several hundred followers from San Francisco to Guyana and built Peoples Temple, as an agricultural community, which was called Jonestown. The members were taught to believe the day might come when they would have to die for their faith. They practiced a ritual in which everyone drank Kool-Aid, knowing one day they might be required to drink it when it contained poison. 

On November 18, a U.S. congressman and others, who had heard rumors of abuse, flew there on a fact-finding trip. When they confronted Jones, some of his group opened fire, and the congressman and five others were killed on the runway. Jones returned to the group and gave orders that the Kool Aid be poisoned and served to the people. A few members realized what was happening and managed to escape. 909 people died from the poison, and Jim Jones shot himself to death. 

For those who might be too young to remember, this is what it means if someone tells you that, "you drank the Kool-Aid." In other words, you've believed something to be true that was false and will do you harm.

Another story that made the news that year happened earlier in England. The first test-tube baby was born. In vitro fertilization was something that opened a way for people, who had been unable to have a child by natural means, to be able to conceive. It was like a miracle for many childless couples, but it was a controversial procedure for those who believed that man should not 'mess with' nature.
*****

In our own family there were more pressing things for us personally. One thing concerned the dog Carol had persuaded us to allow her to have. She had taken care of the food and water, but the dog was never taken out and walked. Carol was an unhappy pet owner, and she tried to ignore poor Bimbo, as he chewed away in frustration on the legs of her furniture. The dog had grown from a curry-haired pup to a scraggly dog with hair so sparse that it resembled the hair of a pig.

“Carol, we have to get rid of that dog,” you told her. “He doesn’t look healthy. He’s likely to give you some kind of disease.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t know what to do with him. I shouldn’t have gotten him. Do what you need to do.”

Thankfully, you knew someone, who lived near our place in the country, who never said “no” to taking in a dog, no matter how ugly. So Bimbo got a new home. I have a feeling that being in the open air and having the opportunity to run free, was a blessing for him as well as us. Sadly, none of us had paid enough attention to the poor dog, so I doubt if he grieved having to leave our home. For a long time, Carol didn’t want to be around any pets with a lot of hair. One day in the future, she would become a very responsible pet owner, but at this time in her life, it wasn’t her thing.
******

Christmas that year was special because we had our son back home. This time he managed to make it home without missing the bus. He had a lot to talk about. One thing was the girl named Lenora, who was his first girlfriend. He had gone rock climbing and he’d learned how to rappel. He’d also been caving several times and he loved both sports. His supervisor had praised his ability to do construction, but lately the project was on hold because there was a lot of snow. Now he was having to shovel snow, which was hard labor.

Christi was thrilled to have her twin back. It was tradition for them to have a picture made with both of them holding their birthday cake on the seventeenth of December. Before we left to go visit our parents, as we always did for the holidays, a group of boys from our church came by, singing Christmas carols. There were four young guys and Christi had a crush on two of them. She was really starting to be interested in boys. She had me take a picture of her with them. Less than a week after New Year, Don left us again. He went on the bus with the other students, taking with him a lot of new school clothes which he had gotten for Christmas.
*****


Connie seemed to like her school, and she had become very fond of my neighbor, Diane, who kept her after school until we came home from work. Diane’s daughter, Lesley was a year younger than Connie but she and Connie became best friends. I was a little hurt when I found out that Connie liked people to believe that Diane was her mother. Diane was quite a bit younger than me, but at forty, I didn’t think I looked old enough "to be put out to pasture.' You, on the other hand, would be fifty in another year. She didn't seem to mind calling you Dad.

When Connie’s birthday came around in June, I made out invitations for her to hand out at preschool. Since I didn’t know the other kids' mothers, I couldn’t invite them personally. I’m not sure Connie passed them out. We did invite the kids around us, but the party was on Sunday afternoon and everyone had other outings planned. I had the den decorated and cake, punch and party favors and games arranged. Still I had no idea how many would come.

Diane showed up and brought Lesley, but time passed and no one else came. I was embarrassed that only one child was there and I was afraid that Connie would be hurt. Diane made an excuse to leave, telling me she would be back soon.  In a little while, she returned with a half a dozen kids I’d never seen before. She had gone to her neighbors' and brought those kids. Later some of the other kids who lived around came also. They had returned from whatever they had been doing, so we had a good group after all. Connie was a bit of a brat, though, because she made a scene when she didn’t win the “Pin the Tail on the Donkey" prize. 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 77
A Shrinking Household

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Early in 1979, Carol’s fascination with John Denver and Country music evaporated, and she entered a new stage in her life. She had always been interested in religion and God. She had been baptized at an early age, but lately she had become almost obsessive in her beliefs. She decided the music which we listened to was something contrary to a Christian life.
 
I came home from work one day to find her and Connie sitting in the middle of the floor with a stack of my records, which they were in the process of destroying. I couldn’t believe it when I saw the black shards of some of my favorite albums broken into tiny jagged pieces. I’m ashamed to say that I let my frustration get the best of me. I lost my temper and informed her, in harsh tones, that the records she was breaking weren’t hers to break. A new one, which I had recently bought of the Singing Nun, who was popular at the time, was among those lost. I was able to salvage a few records which she hadn’t gotten to yet. She seemed surprised at my reaction. She got up with tears in her eyes and went to her room.

Carol had continued to work at the doughnut shop after she finished school, until it was time to go through the graduation ceremony with the rest of her class. In late May, Mom and Dad came down for the ceremony and they brought your mom along with them. Carol’s high school class was so large that the graduation was held in the city auditorium. The ceremony was long and boring, and everyone was relieved when it finally ended. 
  
Don was back home from Ozark, and although his grades were passing, they were disappointing. It was apparent that he was going to miss his little girlfriend. They had parted thinking they would rekindle their relationship after the summer break. He and his roommate, Lowell, had become close friends and they would  miss each other as well.  You and I decided that we would not be sending him so far away from home again. The parents of his friend, David, felt the same way that we did about the school being too far away. They assured us that David wouldn’t be going back to Ozark either.

Now that school was out for the summer, Don didn't know what to do with himself. He and Christi applied for work at some restaurants, and he managed to get a job as a busboy at a popular local restaurant. Christi was hired there as a waitress, but she was apprantly too slow at catching on, because she only worked there a couple of weeks before they let her go. She tried another waitress job with the same result. Apparently it wasn't her calling.
 
Don had a new hobby.  Macrame was popular, and he became very good at making hanging baskets and other projects.  He kept buying books with new designs and using a lot of colored cord and hemp twine. Soon Mother and I had more macrame baskets and wall hangings than we knew what to do with. 
 
In June, Connie's sixth birthday was celebrated with just family. I didn't want to go through the embarrassment of having no one show up, like her last birthday.

Her friend Lesley was taking dance lessons and Connie mentioned that maybe she would like to take dancing. There were beginner gymnastic classes starting at the Johnny Bright playground, and we suggested  that  she might like to do that instead. After watching the summer Olympics, Don and Christi were getting interested in gymnastics, and Connie wanted to do everything they did, so we signed her up for those classes.
 
Carol and her friend, Carmen, from church, decided they wanted to go to a Bible based college in Keene, Texas near Fort Worth. Carmen hadn’t quite finished high school. She had fallen behind because she'd had to learn English after she moved to Metairie from El Salvador. She was old enough to take a GED, so she did and was able to get the high school equivalency diploma. Now, they could both enroll as freshmen and be roommates. Carol and Carmen spent hours shopping for clothes and deciding how they wanted to decorate their dorm room. They bought matching spreads and bedding for the twin beds which would be in their room. 

I talked to Carol about what she might be interested in doing after she got out of college, but she had no idea. Since she was skilled in math, I suggested that field might be something she was suited for. I thought she might consider engineering, or some other job where math skills would be an asset. She said she would take mostly basic courses the first year, but she might try an advanced math class to see if she'd like it.
    
In late August, we drove Carol to Keene because we wanted to see the campus of the college she would attend. All the children came with us. Carol's roommate came separately with her sister and brother-in-law. 
The campus was lovely and her room was spacious.

I was shocked that the Texas weather was so hot in August. The temperature was  a 104° F, but it wasn't as humid there as it was back in New Orleans. It didn't feel uncomfortable, until we had lugged suitcases and other boxes up the stairs to her freshman dorm room.  We said our goodbyes, and after spending one night in a motel, we drove back to Metaire to deal with getting the other two ready to go away as well.
 
A recruiter for a Christian academy in Mississippi had been by and talked to us, and to David's parents, about sending our children there for their senior year. The man saw some of Don's macrame and was impressed. He told Don that for his school job, he would be paid for making macrame hangings to decorate the admistration building and the dorm lobbies. Christi's job would be to work in a campus based factory which made easels for floral wreaths. 

We decided to let the twins go there, because the school was only about an hour's drive from Metairie
It was in a town which we had to go through on our trips back to visit our parents and check on our country place, so we would be able to see them often.

We drove them to school and met their roommates. Christi would be rooming with a freshman. The girl went by the name of Sunshine, and she lived up to her name. She appeared to be very upbeat and excited about being there.
 
Now, our house seemed very empty. Connie was the only child we had left. She began first grade at Alice Birney Elementary school, the same school where she had attented kindergarden. Diane, my neighbor, who had kept Connie after school last year would be keeping her for me again.

Connie was like an only child now, with her siblings all away at school. It was hard to keep her at home, because she wanted to spend all her time playing with Diane’s daughter, Lesley, and her other neighborhood playmates. She missed her siblings and wasn't used to being with only adults.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 78
Long Distance Parenting

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Our house seemed strangely empty when three of our children were away at school. We missed them terribly, and I know Connie felt the loss as well. She especially missed Carol, who had always welcomed her into her room and read stories to her.

I felt the need to talk to them often. I called Carol every week, and she gave upbeat reports about  everything. She always seemed glad to hear from us, but knowing her the way I did, I knew she wouldn’t want to have us worry about her, since we were so far away. She was the only one of our children who wouldn’t tell us if anything was wrong. So in spite of assurances to the contrary, I was never quite convinced that I was getting the whole story.

The twins would quickly tell us if anything was bothering them. Usually, it was a need for more money for one thing or another, like a new suit or long dress for campus banquets. Both of the twins had signed up for gymnastics. After a few weeks there would be tryouts, and they were hoping they would make the team. The twins had also been accepted as members of the school chorus. Both of those activities would involve trips away from school, where they would be required to pay their own way.

Christi had changed roommates. She was now rooming with a senior student, named Michele. Her original roommate, who went by the nickname "Sunshine," was too bubbly and needed to be rooming with someone in her own freshman class. Christi had already been scolded by the supervisor of her on-campus job for being late for work. 

Another problem was that Christi wasn't happy with her nose. She was the only one of the three older kids who hadn’t gotten cosmetic surgery on her nose, and now she was wearing a clothespin on it at night, hoping she could make it turn up.  I have no idea how a clothespin was supposed to help. That sounded painful, but someone had suggested that she try it.  I thought her nose was perfectly fine, but you told her to wait until the Christmas break, and she could have the surgery if she wanted it that much.

A couple of weeks after we left the twins at school, there was a mother/daughter banquet, and I had to make a trip to attend that. The school staff suggested matching dresses because pictures would be made. I settled for matching colors and bought a suit that matched the colors of one of Christi’s long dresses.

Don already had a girlfriend, whose name was Ce-Ce. He liked his roommate, Milton, who was a preacher’s kid. The two of them had decided they didn’t like the twin beds in their room, and had managed to get permission to build bunk beds for their room. Don didn’t like the dean. The man was keeping an eye on him and Ce-Ce, and had scolded him, because he felt that Don was being too friendly with her. Holding hands and kissing were frowned on. He told them that touching wasn’t appropriate on a Christian campus.

In late September, we got a call from the boys' dean. He said Don had suffered an injury and was being taken to a hospital in Hattiesburg. He told us it looked like Don might have broken his hand, and we needed to come and get him. We didn’t waste any time getting on the road. When we arrived at the hospital, Don was sitting on a bed in the emergency room with a large cast that covered his hand and his arm up to his elbow. The dean seemed apologetic, but he didn’t give us any details, other than to say we should take him home and bring him back the following Monday for classes.

On the way home, Don told us the story. There was a student banquet planned for Saturday night. Don and Ce-Ce had a date, but Ce-Ce wasn’t feeling good and was in her dorm room. Don wanted to see her but the girls’ dorm was off limits for boys, except during certain hours and only then, in the lobby. Don had asked another girl to get Ce-Ce to come to the side door so he could see her.

The dean was watching and he told Don that he and Ce-Ce were dis-socialized, which meant they were not to see each other for six weeks. Don was so angry that he went straight to his dorm room which had a metal door. He drew back his fist and hit the door with all his strength. I’m sure the dorm door was a surrogate for the dean. He broke three fingers and several bones in his hand.

We were pretty upset with him, but it did seem the punishment for seeing a sick friend was a little harsh. It wasn’t a cheap lesson. He had the pain and broken hand, but we were the ones who had to pay the hospital and make two trips to the school. I have no idea how Don was able to continue his gymnastic training, but he did, and when tryouts came around he and Christi were both on the team. This meant they had to have the proper teamwear for the sport plus traveling money for the trips the team made to other schools to put on shows and go to competitions.

Don was supposed to wear the cast for six weeks. Instead of going back to the doctor to have it removed after two and a half weeks, he went to the campus metal shop and cut it off himself. The twins were still just sixteen. We wondered if we would survive until they grew up.
********

We were trying to spend more time with Connie. It was hard to keep her at home because she preferred playing with friends.  We rode bikes with her and took her on walks over by the levee. First grade was going along okay as far as we could tell, but she occasionally brought home frowny faces for talking too much in class. She complained that her teacher didn't like her. She probably thought that because she was being scolded for talking. We went to the school on parents night, and her teacher didn't have anything bad to report.
 
We also had more time for each other now. For a while when you wanted to talk about our country property, you talked to Carol, because she would listen without expressing an opinion. Now that Carol was no longer here, you turned to me again, even though you knew that I didn’t want to move there. Since our expenses were so much more now with the children in expensive schools, you realized that now was not the time to think about leaving our jobs and moving back. I knew you were frustrated, but it would be a while before our children were on their own. We wanted them to have an education. That meant sacrificing some of our own wants and needs for them.
*******

My job, which had gone along well for some time, was starting to get on my nerves. The company had grown, and they had moved to a new building out of the Metairie area. One of the new employees was making my work days unpleasant, and I was tired of coming home worn out from excessive overtime. I found another job in a smaller shop where the people were friendlier and the pace was less hectic. Here I would have an opportunity to do more art work, so once again, I changed jobs. This company was called Christian Print Shop.  I thought at least the language used by the employees would be cleaner. The owner’s son, who worked there as a negative stripper and plate-maker, was a lay preacher for the Assembly of God Church.
******

In National news, Ronald Reagan, long time actor and former governor of California had just announced that he would be running in the 1980 election as a Republican against our current president, Jimmy Carter a Democrat.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 79
The Family Together Again

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

We got a chance to see the twins often, because on weekends when we went to visit our parents and check on our property we always stopped at the Academy. Most of the time they were busy doing other things, and they had little time to spend with us. On Sunday afternoons, Don played baseball with his friends, and we were often unable to locate Christi. They both loved this school and were able to make a lot of friends. 

The gymnastic team had a special show one night, and Don insisted that we come to see him in action. Christi wasn’t a part of the main team that went on tours. We were amazed at some of the seemingly dangerous feats the kids on the team were performing. It was scary seeing my son on the top of a four-person-deep pyramid balancing on one hand. Again, we wondered if he would live to grow up. He was developing some powerful muscles and becoming very agile.

Carol was able to find rides with people coming back to the New Orleans area when the school had holidays and other long breaks. She liked the school and was making good grades. Since it was her first time to be away from home, I'm sure she wished she wasn’t quite so far away. She was our quietest child, and she enjoyed having some alone time. When she was young she didn't seem introverted, but she became more so as she grew older. She didn’t make new friends quite as quickly as the twins did. We didn’t learn a lot about what was going on with her. She had a campus job which helped a bit with her tuition. She worked on an assembly line that made kitchen cabinets.

Her P.E teacher had the students keep a diary of their daily activities, and insisted on them either running laps for 30 minutes or running up and down flights of stairs. Carol chose the latter as a way of getting exercise. Even though it was more strenuous, It involved less of her time. She wasn’t happy with her math teacher, who was very strict and spoke with a strong Chinese accent, making him hard to understand. Because of him, she had given up on the idea of getting a degree in something involving math. Now, she was playing with the idea of becoming a dietitian. This surprised me, since she had never shown an interest in food preparation. 

Connie was still taking the gymnastic class and spending as much time as we allowed at Diane’s house with her friend Lesley. The Juneau family had a backyard pool and television that got a lot more stations than our TV. Also Diane had a Brownie Scout group and Connie had joined it.
******

Holidays were always a big deal in our family. We went to great lengths to make them memorable for our children, hoping those memories would keep the family together even after we were no longer around. As long as our extended families were alive and well, we celebrated the main day with them, which unfortunately made work for our parents.

Your mother was especially insistent that her children come home often. My own mother wanted to see us, but I think she was beginning to feel the pressure of the cooking, cleaning, and the chaos the holidays brought on. For that reason, we celebrated Thanksgiving in our own house this year. It was a new experience for me to do all that cooking, but I was able to make it festive and provide as many special dishes as we were used to having. The new tradition didn’t feel right for the children since they were used to seeing their grandparents and being around their cousins. Christmas would be spent as usual with extended family.

You enjoyed Christmas, but I was the one who did most of the shopping and wrapping the gifts. Some sort of wavelength existed between the two of us which we never quite understood. It only worked when we weren’t thinking about it. For years without either of us saying about what we would like for Christmas, we ended up buying each other the same gifts. One year we gave each other watches, one year radios, another year, Bibles, and still another year, boots. I loved having a poinsettia during Christmas. You seldom bought flowers, but each year on a whim, we would both come home with a poinsettia plant, always on the same day. This must have happened at least ten or fifteen times.

It wasn’t just a Christmas thing. We did it with groceries and other items throughout the year. We weren’t organized enough to make a list, or discuss what we needed. Both of us would stop by the grocery store on a impulse. We would both come home with same items. It wouldn’t necessarily be things we needed. There would be duplicates of things which neither of us had ever thought about buying before.

In the New Orleans area there was a drug store named K&B. It was known for the purple color on their building and on many of the store brand products. One day, we both had the urge to stop at that store on the way home from work. To everyone’s amazement, both of us came home with a large purple garbage can. No one had even mentioned that we needed a new garbage can.

Trying to second guess what the other might decide to do was impossible. If one of us decided to stop by the store and buy a can of coffee or some other item, and then reasoned that if we did, we would likely end up with two. We would let the urge pass only to learn when we got home that the other had almost stopped but had reasoned the same way. This time instead of two of the same items, there would be none.
*******

For the Christmas break of 1979, all of the kids coming home from school was a happy occasion. Connie was especially excited to have her siblings home. At least while they were home, she didn’t beg to go spend time with her friends.

They didn’t have to go back to school until the second week in January. Don wanted to see Ce-Ce on the break. He was crazy about this girl. He had met her mother, who lived and worked in this area. They weren't members of our church, but they did visit there  in order to meet us. Ce-Ce was a beautiful girl and her mother was very friendly. She was a single mom with only the one child. She urged us to let Don come over to her house, because Ce-Ce would be very lonely with her away at work. The idea of them being together with no supervision didn’t sound right to us. But since her mother didn’t seem to have a problem with it and seemed sure they would just watch TV and play board games, we reluctantly agreed that he could go.

After the New Year break, Carol rode back to the school with friends and helped pay for the gas. We drove Don and Christi back to their school. Once again, our house felt empty. It was 1980, I had made my usual New Year's resolutions, which if I was really lucky, might last until at least mid-month. We wondered what new adventures another year would bring.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 80
To Graduate or Not to Graduate

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

The thing I liked most about living in Metairie during winter was that there were very few cold days. There was seldom a need for a heavy coat. If we went out of town for a weekend in the winter, I was anxious to get back to milder temperatures. There were always interesting things to do in the area. It was fun to walk around in the French Quarter or down the river walk. Sometimes we would go to Audubon Park and take Connie to the zoo, or to City Park where there was a petting zoo and playground equipment. Both parks had very old and beautiful live oak trees that spread their branches over the ground inviting children to climb among the limbs. If we did go to one of the parks, Connie always wanted to invite a friend along.

I remember an incident which happened one day, when I took Connie and her friend, Jennifer, to the zoo. We were watching the animals, blissfully unaware of the people around us. A couple of older girls came up and decided to start trouble. They began to make fun of Jennifer for some unknown reason. Connie bristled like a Tomcat and was ready to start a fight to defend her friend. It was all I could do to calm her down and get them away from the rude girls. I hadn’t realized how quickly my daughter was ready to take on a bully.

Connie had always had her own taste when it came to clothes. Now that she was in school, she became even more concerned about her wardrobe. I found it shocking that six and seven-year-old children wanted to wear designer clothes. I had not had that problem with the older children. I’d been able to find things they liked at Sears, Penney's, or Kmart. Now Connie wanted stone-washed jeans that looked like they’d seen better days, but still cost a small fortune and would be outgrown in a month or so. She insisted that she needed name-brand tennis shoes. I went to yard sales, when she wasn’t with me and found some of the brands she’d mentioned that looked new enough. She was so fashion conscious that if I stopped the car in front of a Kmart, she would hide on the floorboard, in fear of being seen by a friend.
*********

In May, Don and Christi were scheduled to graduate from high school at the academy. Don was popular at school. He had always liked Elvis Presley, who had died three years before. Elvis impersonators were everywhere. Don discovered that he could do a pretty good impersonation. He had a similar voice, and the girls loved it. He visited a thrift store and found some vintage clothing and put a costume together. After performing at some of the school-based talent shows, he was asked to sing an Elvis song on Class Night for the program put on by senior students on the night before graduation. He was told he could sing one of the mellow love songs without the objectionable hip gyrations. Christi was part of a singing group which would perform, as well. All the exams were over and the seniors had little left to do, other than practice for class night and the graduation exercises.

We planned to go for class night and the graduation the following day. We were relieved to know that both of my children had passed their finals and would be graduating. Unfortunately, a few days before all of this was to take place, we got a phone call from the school, telling us that Christi and a couple of other girls had violated the school rules and wouldn’t be able to participate in class night.

In fact, the school was trying to decide if she would be allowed to graduate at all. There was talk of her being expelled. They informed us that she was not allowed on campus, and that we should come and pick her up immediately. At the moment, she was staying with a friend who lived off campus. They didn’t explain, other than to say that they would talk to us about it when we got there. 

We were frantic. What had our daughter done that was so bad that she wouldn’t be able to get a high school diploma. We were preparing to make the trip to the school. when we got another phone call. This time it was the father of the girl she was staying with off campus. I answered the phone.

“Listen, you folks don’t need to make an extra trip here. Christi is more than welcome to stay with us. What those girls did wasn’t that bad. They were just trying to have some fun. The school’s overreacting. You need to let her stay with us, until you originally planned to come. Your daughter is standing right here with me. Do you want to talk to her?”  

“Yes, please! Put her on,” I said. He handed the phone to Christi.

“Mama, please don’t get upset. Let me explain. We were just joking around. The boys didn’t even see us. We were only in the dorm for a minute. Some girl saw us going over there and had to go tell on us.”

“Christi, what on earth did you do? We don’t need this, right here at graduation. If you don’t get your diploma, we might as well have kept you home all year.”

“We were just playing a joke. We slipped into the boys’ dorm about midnight while they were sleeping, and we went in this one boy’s room who was always teasing us, and we jerked his covers off and yelled “Truckin!’ Then we ran back to our dorm. It wasn’t even my idea. Nobody would have even found out about it if it wasn't for that girl ratting us out.”

“YOU WENT IN A GUY’S ROOM?  ARE YOU CRAZY? NO WONDER THEY WANT TO EXPEL YOU!"

The girl’s father came back on the phone. “Listen Ma'am, calm down. We’ve all done crazy things. They just made a little mistake. School’s about out, and they were just clowning around. I’m gonna’ talk to the school, and see if we can get things straightened out. I think they're getting all worked up over nothing. They’re not gonna expel them girls. This thing’s all going to blow over. Y’all let her stay here. I’ll tell them that we’re taking care of her. She’ll be fine.”

I was furious, but what he said made sense. Why should we have to make an extra trip? Maybe he would have some influence with the school. I talked to you about it, and we decided to let her stay with his family, until we went to the school for the Class Night program.

On Saturday afternoon, we drove to the school, dreading what we might find and wondering if we would see Christi. On Sunday morning, the school would have the Baccalaureate sermon and the graduation ceremony would be that afternoon. We were staying at a motel, so that we would only have to make one trip. Mom and Dad were coming up for the graduation on Sunday afternoon.

That evening, we sat in the auditorium anxiously glancing around at the crowd. Some of the people from New Orleans, who came for the graduation, sat with us. We hadn’t been able to get in touch with Christi, as of yet. Don sang, wearing a black outfit that had large stars sewn on using sequins. He had darkened his hair and painted on some black sideburns. We were amazed at how the crowd reacted to his Elvis rendition. The song had barely finished, when the crowd stirred, and we heard murmurs around us. Heads were turning and people were pointing. “Did you see that old lady.” someone whispered, “I think that’s Christi.”

We turned in time to see what appeared to be an old lady in a long dress wearing a bonnet over a curly gray wig. She was sitting a few seats behind us. She rose quickly, lowered her head. and hurried out of the building through a side door. Oh no. Surely that wasn’t our daughter. She wouldn’t have had the audacity to come to this program, knowing she wasn’t allowed on campus…or would she? Did we even know her any more?

We returned to the motel with, what felt like lead weights, in our stomachs. We were sure that if the school administrators learned she had attended that night, after being warned not to come back on campus, she would be expelled.

The following afternoon, we met with my parents and the five of us watched nervously, as the graduates marched in wearing their caps and gowns. We hoped, but didn't dare to expect, that our daughter would be among the group. And then….there she was, marching proudly with a male student by her side. The relief that flooded over us was palpable, causing the knots in our stomachs to dissolve.

After the ceremony, we met the man who had talked, in our behalf, to the school about overlooking the charges against our daughter. He apparently was a prankster himself. It had been his idea to dress Christi as an old lady, so she could see her brother perform.

We never found out if the school was aware that she had attended. We just loaded our van down with our two graduates' luggage and other things and headed home, thankful that this segment of parenting was behind us.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 81
Summer and Fall of 1980

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Shortly after the twins graduated, Carol came back from college in Texas. She decided she wanted to spend part of the summer with Mom and Dad. She wanted Mom to teach her to sew, so she could make some new school clothes. Carol only stayed a few weeks. Mother helped her make a few skirts and dresses, but then Mom talked to someone she knew at the local café and told Carol she had found a job for her. Carol tried it, but she didn’t like the work. She hadn’t expected Mom would want her to take a job. She let us know she was ready to go back home.
********

The week we had taken Carol to Newton was the week prior to Connie’s seventh birthday. Connie wasn’t feeling good that day, and she was running a fever. Your sister, Nan, happened to be visiting your mother that weekend. Richard wasn’t with her, but she had brought Kelly. Connie was irritable and didn’t feel like playing with Kelly. Nan let Connie sit in her lap, since she was sick.
 
By the time we returned home, we discovered that Connie was breaking out in a rash. My trusty Dr. Spock book confirmed that the problem was chicken pox. The rest of our family had that childhood disease behind us. Unfortunately, Nan and Kelly hadn’t had chicken pox. Nan told me later, the disease almost killed her. That may have been an exaggeration, but I know those things are much harder on adults.

After the fever broke, Connie didn’t seem that sick. The following day, she was covered with the red patches that looked like little blisters. She enjoyed her birthday in spite of the disease. She was pleased with her presents. Connie had begged for a scented Strawberry Shortcake doll for Christmas, but since they were new on the market, all the kids were asking for them, and the stores were sold out. By June, I was able to find them, and I bought her one, as well as a Strawberry Shortcake sleeping bag and other presents.
*******
 
During the first weeks of summer vacation, Don and Ce-Ce spent a good bit of time together. Eventually Don and Christi both got summer jobs and Ce-Ce and her mom moved out of the area. She and Don stayed in touch throughout the summer. The twins both worked at Wendy’s for a while. Later, Christi had some temp jobs. Her jobs didn’t usually last long.
********
 
In July, we took a short family trip down the East coast of Florida and spent a couple of nights in a beachfront motel. While we were there, we went to Cape Canaveral and toured the Kennedy Space Center. You were especially interested in that. We saw the control room and their space museum. They showed films of the rocket launches and took us on a bus tour out to the launch pad.

We also spent a night in Saint Augustine. While the kids were still asleep at the motel, you and I got up early and took a long walk over the bridge into the main part of the city. We walked up and down the streets until we found a nice little hidden café serving breakfast. We were gone several hours. When we returned the kids were just getting up and watching cartoons on TV.
*******
 
In August, Don and Christi decided to go to the college in Texas with Carol. Carol had a different roommate this year. She and Carmen were still friends, but they had both found other people who they wanted to room with.

 I gave Carol a checkbook and put her in charge of any money they would need while there. She had a head on her for business, and I knew she wouldn’t abuse the privileges. She wrote all the checks with our permission and was responsible for taking care of their needs. It wasn’t a smart idea, because the twins never learned to be responsible with money. For them it was like having a parent there, and they nearly drove Carol crazy with their demands. She resented having to be responsible for them, as well. Don’s need for money caused him to start selling pints of his blood in order to meet some of his needs.

Carol and her roommate attended a word-of-mouth Bible-study group someone told them about. She was already a bit obsessive in her beliefs, and after attending meetings with this group for a while, she became even more so. She decided it was wrong for women to wear pants or shorts, and she decided that from now on, she would wear nothing but skirts and dresses. A man that went by the name of Mac was leading the studies and some of the things he was telling the group seemed to us like more of his own ideas, rather then something purely from the Bible. She told me enough of what was being said that I talked to you about it. We became worried that she might be getting involved in something more cult-like than Christian.

She had also met a boy, who she was more than a little interested in. Tommy was part Korean. His father was a GI who had apparently abandoned the Korean mother. Unable to care for a baby,  she had placed him on the steps of a orphanage. At some point, he ran away and spent some time on the streets of Korea. Eventually, he was found and sent back to the orphanage and was adopted by an older American couple when he was around thirteen. Neither his background nor his nationality bothered me, because I thought it was about time Carol started dating. 

However, having served in the Korean War, you were concerned about what he might have gone through while living on the streets. I think there was a bit of prejudice involved as well. You were worried that your family might have a problem with a member of the family perhaps marrying someone from another culture. You wanted me to discourage her from dating him. I listened to her and knew how much she liked him, but I didn’t pass judgment. I figured she had three years of college left and maybe it was too soon to let this become an issue.
*******
 
The Christmas break was coming up soon. The kids were hoping to be able to take the van back to college when they returned for Spring semester. This was something we needed to think about. We still had the Dodge charger, but we both needed a vehicle to drive since we worked in different directions. If the kids had a car, they could come back and forth without us having to provide them transportation.
******* 

In November of 1980 there was a presidential election and Ronald Reagan defeated Jimmy Carter to become our 40th president. George H.W. Bush was his vice president.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 82
Changes in Store For the Four

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Shortly after Christmas in 1981, we bought another car. It was a Ford with low mileage, and it had an automatic transmission, unlike the Dodge Charger. I would be using this one for work. The kids wanted to come home for Spring break, so we told them to find a ride back to New Orleans, and we would let them take the van back. In the end, we checked around and found a bargain on airline tickets and decided to drive back with them and leave the van. That way we could see how well Don and Carol did driving on a long trip. You and Connie and I would fly home.

On the break, we talked to Carol again about choosing a major. Since Carol already had a year and a half of college, she needed to decide what she was working toward, else, she might be taking classes that she didn’t need and would take longer to graduate. She had taken Anatomy and Physiology to check off the science course she would need for a BS degree. Since nothing else appealed to her, I suggested nursing. She was reluctant, and said those classes would be hard. I told her she just passed the hardest nursing course she would be required to take, with the Anatomy and Physiology. She decided to rethink nursing as a possible career.

You and I had talked about it, and decided we would like the three kids to change colleges next semester. There was another college supported by our church near Chattanooga, Tennessee. It was more convenient for us, being a little nearer and with a really beautiful campus. Part of the reason we wanted Carol to change schools was because we were concerned about the group she was involved with. It sounded like some kind of offshoot from the church, and that bothered us. She was so impressionable. What I hadn’t realized was that Mac, who was the leader of this group, actually lived near the Tennessee College and had a group there as well.

We used the fact that the Tennessee school had an outstanding nursing program to try to convince Carol that it was in her best interest. She was reluctant to change. I know she didn’t want to leave Tommy, her Korean friend, but I guess she realized that she didn’t really have a choice. The kids were dependent on us to help pay for college.

When we drove back with them to the campus, we got a chance to meet her friend, Tommy. I liked him immediately. He was polite and nice looking, and I could understand why Carol had been attracted to him. He was serious enough to talk about deep subjects. Carol was not a person to enjoy small talk. She had told him already that she wouldn’t be coming back there for school. He seemed pretty upset about that. He told me he really cared about Carol, and he wanted her to come back. I felt bad for both of them.  

Don and Carol dropped us off at the air terminal at the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport. The weather was threatening. It didn’t take long for us to learn the flight was overbooked. This would be Connie’s first time to fly. I hadn’t flown that much either, and I didn’t enjoy flying. When they offered free flights to those who wanted to postpone, you and I thought it would be best to wait for a later flight. We were too late. A lot of people lined up to postpone their flight.

The plane took off in the middle of horrible weather. You and I were on edge during the whole flight. The turbulence was frightening. We were sitting over a wing, and it reminded me of a bird’s wing by the way it kept moving up and down. We had to keep our seat belts on for the whole flight. The pilot kept changing altitudes, trying to get out of the turbulence, but nothing helped. I’m sure without meaning to, we communicated our fear to Connie. I was so relieved to be on the ground again once we landed.
******

When the semester ended, Christi had the nose surgery that Carol and Don had gotten. She had a different doctor from the one we had used before. I think Christi must have indicated to him she wanted an upward tilt to her nose, because instead of the straight nose the other two got, her nose turned out slightly different. Even though she didn’t really need it, it was a cute nose.
*******

In May, news of the discovery of an AIDS virus was on TV. It was alarming, because there wasn’t much known about how it was spread, and there was talk of a coming epidemic from other countries. Christi, who was a bit `ditzy’ when it came to understanding things, freaked out, because I was using a diet product which was on the market at that time which was named Ayds. It was a caramel like cube that you ate with your coffee, and it helped with appetite control. She was sure that meant that I would get the disease.
*******

Don and Christi had both signed up to work in Summer camps. Both were accepted at Camp Kulaqua in Florida. They would be there most of the Summer since different age groups would arrive at two week intervals. We planned to go down and pick them up at the end of the summer.
*******

That summer, my friend Diane became interested in the difference in our Christian beliefs. She and her family had always been Catholic, as most people in New Orleans were. A Baptist friend had caused her to doubt some of her earlier convictions. She wanted to know what you and I believed. We were having a series of Evangelist meetings going on at our church, so I invited her to attend. She went every night, and at the end of the Summer, she and her daughter, Lesley, started attending our church regularly.

We had about decided to take Connie out of public school, and let her have a year or so in a school where she could get some spiritual training. Connie wasn’t thrilled with the idea of changing schools. This would be her fourth year. In spite of going to church all her life, Connie didn’t seem at all spiritually inclined.

This school was much smaller and she could get more individual attention in all of her classes. She was the most socially inclined of all our children and wasn’t very concerned about studying. She had been dubbed class-clown by her third grade teacher. We loved her sense of humor, but we wanted her to have a serious side as well. It wasn't like she would be going to school with people she didn't know. She knew most of the kids from going to Pathfinder outings and some she knew from church. 
*******

Some of the other things that happened during the year 1981 included the wedding of Diana to Prince Charles. Sandra Day O’Connor became the first woman appointed to the Supreme Court. There were assassination attempts on the life of both Pope Paul II, and also on our new president, Ronald Reagan. Neither attempt was successful.

In the case of Reagan, the attempt in March was for a ridiculous reason. The young man, John Hinckley, Jr.,  who fired a bullet into Reagan’s lung, was obsessed with the movie star, Jodie Foster. It was an attempt to impress her. The first shot he fired hit the Press Secretary and left him paralyzed. Hinckley was found not guilty by reason of insanity and was sent to a psychiatric facility.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 83
Changing Colleges

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Near the end of the summer when the last of the campers had gone home, we took Carol and Connie and drove down to Florida to pick up the twins from their summer jobs at Camp Kolaqua.

I was driving when we went through Tallahassee. I made a wrong turn and got stopped by a cop. I was very nervous when he asked for my license and I pulled  an old one out by mistake. In Metairie, you are allowed to keep the expired one, but they probably don’t expect you to keep it in your wallet.

Apparently the old ones are destroyed in Florida. This patrolman had no sense of humor. Sternly, he informed me that my license was expired. I said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I think I gave you the wrong one." I thought he was going to haul me away to jail. “What are you doing with more than one license?” he demanded. He didn’t like my explanation and told me it was illegal to carry more than one. Luckily, I didn’t get a ticket, but he did manage to scare me enough that I had you take the wheel.

The camp was in the little town of High Springs, not far from Gainesville. Christi seemed excited to show us around. They had both enjoyed a summer of horseback riding, swimming, and crafts, while living in cabins as counselors with a group of six to eight kids under their care at each session.

One of the most interesting things we did while there was to take a walk on a wooden walkway built over a cypress swamp. Some of the trees dated back thousands of years. They had a huge slice of a tree on display, showing the sap rings which form each year. Written beside the rings was information about the historical event occurring at the time the ring was formed. One of them listed the birth of Christ; I hadn’t realized cypress trees can live that long.

Christi had met a guy she liked at camp, and Don was excited about a girl named Angie. Summer romances don’t usually last, so it is hard to remember the names. Both of the twins met people who would be going to college with them in Tennessee, so they were glad they would be going there instead of Texas.
*********

A few weeks later, we drove them to SAU in Tennessee. You and I were exhausted after helping the girls take all the things they brought with them up to the third floor of their dorm. Don met some old friends and they helped him with his luggage, so we didn’t go into the boys' dorm at all. 

We called them all after we got back home. The girls had been assigned some campus jobs. Don had been able to get a job teaching gymnastics at the nearby high school. This would be the second year in college for him and for Christi. Carol and Christi started the year rooming together, but we were sure that wouldn’t last very long. Our older daughters didn’t have a lot in common, other than being sisters.

Don was happy about being in a school which had an active gymnastic program. He was very good at the sport and didn’t have any trouble making the team. He was inspired by the Olympic gymnasts; Curt Thomas, from Indiana, and by Bart Conner, from Illinois. Bart married the female gymnast, Nadia Comaneci from Romania. Don's involvement got both of us interested in the sport. Connie liked gymnastics as well.

Being good at the sport didn’t keep Don from getting injured. He was soon wearing a cast on a broken ankle. The doctor who treated his ankle taught him some things which helped him decide the direction he wanted to go. He learned some things about kinesiology as a healing tool and decided he might like to get into sports medicine. His ankle healed quickly, so he was able to keep practicing for the upcoming events and competitions. There would be a college gymnastic show later in the year, and he was hoping we could come up and watch him perform.

Christi still hadn’t decided in which direction her interests lay. She liked to sing, and she had talent, but she had never mentioned music as a career. Once she thought she might be interested in teaching. She tried substituting at Jefferson Heights but found it impossible to control the kids. After that, she decided teaching wasn’t her calling.

She was tested once in school to determine possible career choices that she might be suited for. One of the suggestions was as a hair dresser. She didn’t need a college education for that, but she wasn’t interested in going to beauty school. For a little while, she thought about nursing. After taking one class in that direction, she decided that wasn’t her calling either. We hoped she would find something to major in before another year passed.
********

Back in Metairie, Connie was attending Jefferson Heights, the same school our older children had attended. She was in fourth grade.

Unfortunately, she got a new teacher, who didn’t really know how to handle the children. She was the nervous type, and it was her first year to teach. I remember that she suffered from epileptic seizures occassionally, and that was frightening for the children  Some times when the kids got to be more than she could handle, she would start praying aloud and asking God to remove the demons from them. Connie upset by this. Connie might have been the pupil she got upset with the most often. 

On my job back at Christian Print Shop, a driver from a paper company came in and asked the owner if he wanted to buy some reams of paper at an unbelievably low price. He asked that the money be cash and paid directly to him, with no paperwork involved. It was obvious the driver had stolen the paper and was selling it and pocketing the money himself. The owner jumped on the offer and bought all of it he could get. He was a very religious man, and I was shocked that he was buying stolen paper.  

He came in to tell me how the Lord had blessed him, knowing that he needed a break on the high price of buying paper for his shop. I told him I didn’t believe that the Lord would impress someone to steal paper in order for him to profit that way. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but apparently, it caused him to rethink the bargain. A few weeks later, the same driver was back again with more bargain paper to sell. This time my boss preached him a sermon on the sin of stealing. He told him that the Lord had shown him how wrong it was to have bought stolen goods. I found the whole incident amusing.
**********

After the Christmas break when our older three went back to school, we let them take the van back with them. It was too hard for them to find rides back to Metairie. They were hoping to come home on Spring break. 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 84
The Firebird

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Just before Christmas in 1981, we went to Tennessee to pick up our older three from College. We stayed overnight in order to see the student gymnastic show, which was just before the kids were to leave for the holiday break. We got a motel, in nearby Cleveland, Tennessee. It was a smaller city than Chattanooga, and we liked the country feel. There weren't any motels near the college.

The gymnastic show at the college was excellent. We were amazed at how skilled the students were. One of the main exercises that Don preformed was on a piece of equipment called a pummel horse. It is the second event in the Olympics floor exercises for men. It requires balance, strength and endurance. The Pummel Horse is an upholstered bench with two rings, and the exercise is done with the person standing on their hands while gripping the rings and swinging the body and legs in circles and splits in the air. They also have to rotate from the left to the right bar. Don was in the best physical condition that he’s ever been in, and his performance was impressive.

The next morning we all went back home to Metairie. As usual, we drove to Mississippi for Christmas, in order to spend time with our parents. We left the kids in Newton to visit with my parents and came back to pick them up the following weekend when we got off work a few days for New Year. You and I went to our house in the country and spent some time there. 

On the second day of 1982, we planned to leave Newton and to go back to New Orleans. The weather was warm for that time of year, and the sky was almost black  in the Southwestern sky. A terrible storm came through that looked very much like a tornado. We left as soon as it had passed over, not knowing if there had been storm damage in the town. We hadn't gotten over a mile from my parents home when the highway traffic came to a standstill. Up ahead, we could see police cars and ambulances.

When we were finally able to inch forward a bit, we saw a partly covered body being loaded into an ambulance. Don said the man was headless. Thankfully I didn’t see that, and I hoped that Connie hadn’t seen it either. We later learned there was extensive damage in Newton, but that was the only fatality. Newton is a town in central Mississippi that has seen a lot of tornadoes. Along with the one that totally destroyed our home when I was ten, another one damaged their home after you and I were married. That time only part of the house was damaged. This damage we had witnessed on this day took place only a mile away.

After the storm came through, the temperature dropped rapidly. It was even cold in New Orleans. The following morning, our students left to go back to college. Once again, we let them take the van back with them. They ran out of gas just as they got into the Chattanooga area and had to walk to a service station in a freezing wind.
*********

Carol was starting her second semester in the nursing program. She was a good student, but she was much like I had been in college. She crammed for exams and did well, but that isn’t the best way to retain the information. I really don’t think she found the nursing subjects that interesting. I wondered if nursing was really her calling. Christi and Don were still taking core subjects, which they had to have in order to graduate, whatever their major. Both of them had made a lot of friends. Carol was the type of person who kept her friends to only one or two who were close enough to share her feelings with. She was a more private person.
********

The kids hadn’t been back in school long before we got a call from Don. “Mom, get Dad on the other line. I need to talk to both of you about something important.” With a bit of anxiety, I called you, and you picked up the other line.

“What's up, Don?” you asked.

“Y`all won’t believe this deal, I’ve found.It’s a classic car. It’s a Fire Bird. I’ve always wanted a Fire Bird. The girl who had it last, hardly drove it. And I can get it for practically nothing. I just need to borrow a little money. It is a really great deal. I can’t pass this up. It needs a little work, but I’m planning to take a course in Auto Mechanics next semester, and I’m gonna have to have  a car to work on. I can do all the work on it myself."

“How much, Don?”

“Not much at all-- Just $500. Can you believe it? It’s a really good looking car. I just need to borrow the money. I’ll pay it back when I get a job this Summer.”

After much more discussion, with emphasis on the urgency of needing the money fast before someone else scooped up this wonderful bargain, he finally managed to get us to agree to send him the money. Maybe our son had a future as a used car salesman.

Believe me, there were a lot of things left out of our negotiation with Don. These things were slowly gathered over the next few months, in spite of the fact that further information had to be dragged from our son. First of all, the fantastic car that he found was located in the junk yard. The reason the girl that owned it last hadn’t driven it much was because it didn’t run. The motor was toast. All the other mechanical parts were, as well. Our son and his friends almost got arrested trying to tow it down the highway. Once he got it to the school, he wasn’t allowed to leave it on the campus. He finally managed to get a married student, who had an off campus apartment, to agree to let him leave it in their drive. I have a feeling that this agreement was arranged without the guy’s wife getting to express her opinion.

No more was said about the car for many, many months. If Don was having buyer’s remorse, he didn’t dare mention it. I’m thinking the anxiety over the deal, along with Don's hyperactive nature, and also the fact that he’d never really learned how to study, caused his grades to drop to the 'C' level. He was very intelligent, but due, partly to bad decisions things weren’t going so well for him. I felt maybe we deserved some of the blame for allowing him to go so far away to school when he obviously wasn’t ready to be on his own.

The car would bring about more problems during the following semester. 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 85
Night School

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Right after I finished college, I took the exam and obtained a teaching license in case I might change my mind about wanting to teach. Since most of the schools had phased out their art classes, it occurred to me that if I decided to renew the license, I should get into another field rather than art.  The subject I was most interested in was English, particularly Literature.
 
I’d gotten a notice that my teaching certificate was expiring, and that if I chose to renew it, I would need to take 10 hours of additional classes. Why not? I thought. I always liked school. It might be fun to go back and take some classes. I could do evening classes since my job didn’t require overtime, as some of my previous jobs had. UNO (University of New Orleans) had sent me a brochure listing their evening classes. I asked your opinion, and you told me I should do it if that is what I wanted to do.
 
The only two listed classes that interested me were Post WWII Novels and Creative Writing. I signed up for both, which meant I would be in school for two hours a week for each class. I was expecting to find other older students there, and a few had signed up, but after the first few nights, they all dropped out. Most of the students left were in their early twenties. The classes had eight to twelve students.
 
In the Post WWII Novels class, we were expected to buy and read six large books, which the professor had selected to reflect his own views of life. He admitted freely that he was an atheist, and he intended to teach existentialism from the standpoint of proving that life had no meaning other than an eternal cycle of pursuing a pointless existence from birth to the grave. I should have dropped that class, but I stuck with it. I’ve read better novels.
 
The creative writing class was far more interesting, but the professor in this class also had a negative view of God. He was the son of a Baptist minister, who gave up Christianity when he became deeply fascinated by the biography of the Indian leader, Mahatma Gandhi. When his father informed him that Gandhi couldn’t possibly enter Heaven in spite of his good deeds, because he had never embraced Christianity, our teacher decided if God couldn’t accept Gandhi, then he wanted no part of God. At least, this teacher didn’t dwell on his lack of belief. I thought his father had made a mistake by setting himself up as a judge and trying to speak for God.

In this class, we were required to write three stories and make copies for each student. Then each student was required to write a comprehensive critique of the story. The author of the story would have to sit, without uttering a word in their own defense, as the critiques were read aloud. It was an uncomfortable position to be in. One girl, on her night to be critiqued, wore a hood covering her head like she was anticipating a firing squad. Still, I was glad I took that class. I learned a lot.

All of this did become a lot more time-consuming than I had anticipated. I didn’t go any further with my continuing education. I never did renew the teaching certificate, but much later, I did take a college course in writing poetry.

This experience made me realize that many professors in state-supported colleges have philosophies that might shake the faith of a student still struggling to form their own world view. I was glad our children were attending a Christian college.
** *********

During Spring break, our college students came home. They had made it to Metairie and were on one of the streets leading to our house, when a little black dog ran out in front of the van, and Don wasn’t able to completely avoid him. The kids got out of the van and examined the still body of the dog. He seemed to be breathing, and there was no blood, but he was completely out. Not knowing what to do they picked up the little dog and brought him home. It was late at night and vet clinics were closed. We put the dog in a box and covered his body with a towel. We were afraid he would be dead by morning since his breathing seem very shaky.
 
When we got up the next morning, the dog had regained consciousness and was happily wagging his tail. We had planned to take a short camping trip to Pensacola Beach in Florida, but something had to be done with the dog. The kids took him back to the place where the accident occurred and tried to persuade him to go home. He kept trying to get back into the van. When they came back home, the dog was still with them. We decided to take him along. It was beginning to look as though we had acquired a dog.
 
We enjoyed our trip to the beach. The dog followed us like he had been with us forever. We were all getting attached to him and were trying to decide on a name. We’d only been home a day when he simply disappeared. We called and looked everywhere, but it was as if he’d never been with us. We assumed he'd had himself a nice vacation and was ready to go back home. He was a sweet dog, and we’d enjoyed his company while it lasted.
*********

In June, the semester ended for the kids and they returned home briefly. The brakes had gone out on the van in Birmingham, and they had driven miles with no brakes.  Such stunts made us rethink letting them have a vehicle.

They all had plans for the summer. Don and Christi had signed up for work at a summer camp again. They had both been accepted to work at Blue Ridge in Virginia. Carol had planned to take a summer nursing assignment at the college in Texas where she had gone for her first two years. I had an idea she was hoping to see Tommy, her Korean friend, again. In September, when her third nursing semester would start, she would be sent to Florida to work in a large hospital there. All the nursing students at her school did a semester at Florida Hospital in Orlando.
 
When it came time for the twins to go to Camp Blue Ridge, they had to take a train from downtown New Orleans. I took them down to meet the train, but while they were waiting, they remembered that they had forgotten their sleeping bags. I thought I had enough time to run back home and get them, but half way home on the interstate highway, I had a  flat tire. To make matters worse, it was starting to rain. I had Connie with me, and we were a long way from a place where I could use a phone to call for help. We had no choice, but to get out and start walking. I was upset about our situation, and it was making Connie nervous as well.
 
We hadn’t gotten far when a man pulled over and offered us a ride. I hesitated because I’d had a bad experience once back in college when excepting a ride from a stranger, but I decided maybe he just felt sorry for us. It didn’t feel safe walking on the side of busy highway in a thunderstorm. The man was nice and got us to a service station where I could get help to change the tire. Since the errand to get the sleeping bags was in vain, we sent them money to buy new ones. The cost of sending them by mail would have been almost as expensive and would have taken longer.
********
 
If things worked out, we hoped to be able to take Connie to Disney World in late August. We would be driving  to Orlando to take Carol down for her semester at Florida Hospital. Connie had always wanted to go to Disney World. Don and Christi would probably be able to go as well.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 86
We're Going to Disney World

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Connie had her ninth birthday in June. She had complained the whole year at Jefferson Heights about her teacher, and she begged us to let her go back to Alice Birney Public school for the fifth grade. The main reason she disliked the school so much was because the teacher seemed to think she had a demon that needed to be rebuked. She could be a handful at times, but I wasn’t happy about the demon thing. Also at this school, there was no lunch program, but at public school, she could get a hot lunch in the cafeteria.

You and I talked about it, and since she was so unhappy, we decided to let her go back to Alice Birney. It wasn’t a bad school, and our budget, with three in college, was being stretched pretty tight. The private school was almost as expensive as college.
********

When Don and Christi returned from camp, Don couldn’t quit talking about some girl he had met named Angie. He always seemed to find a girlfriend wherever he went. One good thing was when he decided he liked a girl, she was the only one as long as it lasted. He could only be interested in one at a time. This girl would be going to college with him in the fall, so he was hoping their friendship would continue in September.

Things hadn’t worked out so well for Carol with Tommy, her half-Korean friend. They had continued writing to each other while she was in Tennessee. He had made a trip up to visit her. I think she actually cared deeply for him, and he had often talked about marriage. He was her first serious boyfriend, but she didn’t feel she was ready for marriage. Still, she had hoped they could get back together while she was in Texas. You felt uneasy about him because when when he was young, he'd lived as a street kid, until he was adopted by an American family.

She spent the summer doing nursing clinicals at a Fort Worth hospital and living in the college dorm with her Asian friend Li Lin. Carol was still extremely religious, and was wearing only dresses and no makeup. Tommy was a lifeguard at the campus pool. Carol didn’t care for the way he was flirting with the girls in the pool. In some ways, he had changed. Tommy had started drinking occasionally. They argued a lot, and at one point he got drunk and came to her dorm late at night.  He tore the screen off her window and tried to drag her out of her room. 

When it was time for her to catch the bus back home, they didn’t get a chance to say goodbye, so she assumed it was over with them. She came back from Texas in a somber mood, and sometimes when she talked about Tommy, she cried. You were okay with them breaking up, but we both felt bad for her.
********

In August as we had planned, we took Carol to Orlando so she could work at Florida Hospital as a nurse technician. We were able to rent a room for the rest of the family at the dorm provided for nursing students. I remember we all watched the movie, Oliver Twist, while we were there. Carol would be rooming with a friend from Southern College in Tennessee. Her name was Cheryl.

The following morning, the rest of us went to the Magic Kingdom of Disney World. Carol didn’t want to go. This was the first trip there for all of us. You weren’t excited about it, because fantasy wasn’t your thing, but I think you were impressed with the place. Everything was so clean. It was beautifully landscaped with flowers and streams everywhere. Disney characters were roaming the streets and having their pictures taken with children.

The place was divided into sections that contained different kinds of rides, restaurants, and souvenir shops matching the theme of that section. In Adventureland, you decided you were going to get sunburned, so you bought a wide brimmed hat that made you look like Indiana Jones.

The lines were long, and after we did the Tree House, the Jungle cruise, and Pirates of Caribbean, you wanted  coffee. In those days, your body ran on coffee. If you didn’t have it often, you got a severe headache. We stopped for coffee and then walked around a bit more. Connie wanted to do some of the things in Fantasyland. We did the It’s a Small World ride and let Connie ride the Tea Cups. By that time, you were ready to eat lunch.

Don and Christi were tired of hanging around with us, because we were slowing them down. After we ate, they went out on their own. Connie wasn’t happy about having to hang out with just us, but we didn’t want to risk losing her, so she had no choice but to stay with us. Don had called a girl he knew who lived in Orlando. Cindy had been his girlfriend when he worked at Camp Kulaqua. She came to the park and joined him and Christi. It was a while before we all got back together again.

We went through Liberty Square where we watched a parade. While there, we enjoyed the Hall of Presidents ride. The U.S. presidents were made of wax, or vinyl. They were animated and actually talked. They looked very real. In Frontierland, we rode a very scary roller-coaster ride. I think Tomorrowland might have been your favorite. We sat down for a while and watched the Carousel of Progress-- where inventions from the distant past -- all through the years-- all the way to things expected to be invented in the future went slowly past us.

The Wild Mouse ride in Space Mountain was the scariest ride I’ve ever been on. I had Connie in front of me, and I was so afraid she would be flung out, that I was holding on to her with all my might. She kept wiggling, and I thought she was trying to get out. It was because I was pinching her, but the more she wiggled the tighter I held her. The music and sound of the ride was so loud we couldn’t hear each other.

By two o’clock, you were ready to leave, but after many cups of coffee and a few pain pills, we persuaded you to stay in spite of the pain. We didn’t miss much. There were too many things to do to mention them all. We actually managed to get through the whole day and even stayed for the last show at the Magic Kingdom and then watched the fireworks. We met Don’s friend, Cindy, and she insisted on buying me a china teapot before we left. I got the impression she really liked Don, but to him, she was only a friend. The kids all got Disney sweatshirts.

The following day, we did get Carol to go to another Disney park. She and I took a boat to an island that had all sorts of birds, wildlife, and unusual trees and flowers. It was called Discovery Island. It was an eleven-acre island, which Disney finally closed to the public in 1999. Later, we also went to Sea World, where we toured a huge aquarium, watched a dolphin show, and walked through a place teeming with flamingos. It was a trip to remember.
******

Not long after we got back to Metairie, Don and Christi went back to college. This time, Don took the Auto Mechanic course, for which he thought he needed the Firebird. This turned out to be a major fiasco. Right after he started the class, he got on the bad side of the teacher. He brought parts of the old car in and started trying to clean them with a solvent, and he spilled motor oil all over the tile in the work area. Apparently, he must have done some permanent damage to the floor, because things went from bad to worse in that class.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 87
One Down And Three To Go

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

After her summer in Texas, Carol had continued writing letters to Tommy while she was in Florida doing the third semester of nursing, and at times everything seemed to be going smoothly. Sometimes they talked by phone. Both of them wrote long detailed letters about feelings and subjects that interested them. Sometimes the letters made Carol happy and other times sad. She often felt they both had a lot more growing up to do before they could be on the same page.
 
When Don and Christi went back to Southern College in the fall, he still had his girlfriend, Angie, from Summer Camp. He thought he’d been in love with Ce-Ce from high school and Kelly from during his first year at Southern. Angie was the third girl that he really had fallen hard for. Being in love and having a teacher, who had gotten upset with you and written you off, puts a lot of stress on a college student.

Don called and told us he was going home with Angie one weekend to meet her parents. We thought this was a bad idea. Parents are unpredictable and can often put a quick stop to a relationship for any number of reasons. They may think their daughter is too young to get serious, or for some reason, they just don’t like who she is dating. We never told Don, but when their friendship deteriorated to the point of her breaking up with him shortly after that weekend, you and I thought perhaps the parents might have asked her to stop seeing him.

Don was brokenhearted and had no clue as to the reason she wanted to end it. Things had been going smoothly with them. We might have been wrong about the parents having any bearing on the breakup, but I’ve known a lot of people whose relationship went sour after meeting the parents. For whatever reason, Don’s grades suffered and the Auto Mechanic class carried six hours of college credit. Most classes carry only three. We had no way of knowing anything other than what Don told us, but at the end of the semester in December, Don got his first ‘F’ in that class and a ‘D+’ in another class. That brought his grade point so low that he was told he would have to stay out of school for a semester, before he would be welcomed back on campus.

We probably could have gotten him into a junior college in New Orleans, but he really came home in no condition to study at all. He moped around the house very depressed and thought of himself as a failure. When Carol came back from Florida in December, she had two more semesters and would graduate the following  December, so she and Christi went back to Southern in January of 1983.

In February, my mom took a friend to the doctor, and decided to have her own throat checked while she was there. The doctor felt her throat and became concerned that she might have a thyroid problem and sent her to a specialist. The specialist took a biopsy and sent it off for evaluation. It was a month before the final diagnosis came back. The tissue sample was sent to three different labs before thyroid cancer was confirmed. The surgeon removed part of her thyroid and set her up for eight chemo treatments. After the second one, Mom lost her hair and started wearing a wig. We were all very concerned about her. My older children adored her. Connie had never bonded with her the way the older three had. The chemo was sapping her strength. Mom had always been a bundle of energy.

Don got a construction job remodeling housing units over near Tulane University. His boss seemed happy with his work. One day, Don asked if it would be alright if he brought home this beautiful golden retriever dog. His boss said it was too rambunctious to be around his small children. We talked about it and agreed to take the dog. We had an area about eight feet wide and around twenty feet long on the side of our house that was fenced with a gate, so we figured he’d have room to run in  there. The dog’s name was Nick. In spite of the fact that we think of St. Nicholas as good, Satan is also referred to in many stories as ‘Ole Nick’. I think that might have been the thought behind this dog's name.

Nick was so large that it was no wonder he shouldn't be around small children. He was about two years old and had never been trained to obey any commands. He could leap up and plant his paws on my chest and knock me to the ground easily. He wasn’t fond of being put inside of a fenced area that had a house on one side and a seven foot wooden fence on the other side. He couldn’t see out, and that made him unhappy. I put a leash on him and decided to take him for a walk. I wasn’t able to take charge, and he dragged me all over the neighborhood on our little walk. He got into at least five serious altercations with other animals. I began to wonder if we’d ever make it back home again. We all agreed Nick needed a different home.

Since we had decided that Nick had to go. I wrote up a nice ad with the heading, ‘Free to a good home.” I focused on his beauty and energy. I got a phone call right away from a lady who wanted him, and we were able to say goodbye to Nick. The funny thing is that a couple of days later my ad reappeared in the paper. This time the contact number was that of the lady who had taken him off our hands. We wished him the best and hoped that he would eventually end up with someone who could handle a dog like Nick.

In the summer of 1983, Carol did two nursing internships. The first was in Madison, Tennessee, near Nashville, and the second was at small hospital in Lakeland, Georgia. The school set up an arrangement so that Carol was able to share a room in the home of an older lady. It was a very comfortable arrangement for her.  After a few weeks, we decided to take a Georgia vacation and see Carol while we were there. The lady Carol was living with told Carol to invite us down to stay at her home. She went to visit a friend and let us have the house for a couple of nights. Carol was happy to see us.

After visiting with her, you, Connie, and I went over toward the Atlantic and spent a day in Savannah. Then we went to Jekyll Island, which is a barrier strip of land off the coast of Georgia, and we spent a couple of days there. Jekyll  is a 240-acre island  with eight miles of white sand beaches. Its historic district is known as Millionaires Village. It was once home to some of America’s most wealthy and prominent citizens, such as the Pulitzers, Morgans, Vanderbilts, Rockefellers, and the Goodyear clan, to name a few. Connie enjoyed the beach and playground equipment that was there for children to use.

The last semester for Carol ended in December of 1983. Carol had the nurse pinning ceremony and her graduation was the following day. We were there for both events.  We had one down and three to go to finish educating our children. I knew you were counting the days until you felt financially able to retire. I wasn't sure how much longer you would be willing to wait.


 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 88
Leaving the Nest

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Some people go to the doctor and do everything they are told without question. Doctors love having these kind of people for patients. My mother was not one of them. She didn’t go to doctors often, and when she did, she wanted to know exactly what was happening with her body. When she was told she had thyroid cancer, she allowed the doctor to remove part of the thyroid, and she did a couple of the chemo treatments without giving the doctor too many problems, but after that she started questioning everything he told her. He had done some other tests and told her the cancer was in her lymph system. He said that she had lymphoma.
 
After the fourth chemo treatment, she asked one question too many. The doctor told her, “You have cancer and it is terminal, but I know you don’t believe a word I’m telling you, so I don’t want to treat you any more. I would suggest you go find yourself another doctor.”

Mom was driving twenty-five miles from Newton to Meridian for treatment. Daddy's attitude toward  doctors was as bad as Mother's. Because he had no faith in doctors, he didn’t believe that she had ever had cancer. He said if it was really cancer, it shouldn’t have taken a month to get a diagnosis.

Mom didn’t know any other cancer doctors, so she just stopped having treatments. She was juicing greens and broccoli and trying to eat healthy foods. She quit taking the thyroid medicine the doctor told her she would need to stay on the rest of her life. Mom was sixty-eight at the time. Her hair grew back, and she regained much of her strength. The surgery left her voice with a hoarse quality, and the chemo treatments shrunk her veins, but other than that, she seemed no worse for the wear. She and Dad celebrated their 50 anniversary that year.
*********

Carol started looking for work, and after she found something, she packed leaving home for good. One of the most emotional moments for me was when I watched her saying goodbye to Connie. She had treated Connie almost like she was her own child. When I heard her telling Connie that she was so sorry that she wouldn’t be around to watch her grow up, it made me realize that life was about to change for all of us. Even now when I think about that moment, I feel tears coming on. Always before, even with them away, I felt like our home was still theirs. From now on, she would only visit.  I hadn’t realized how hard it would be to say goodbye.
 
After she left, Don moved into her room, because it gave him a little more privacy. Christi took his room and Connie had a room of her own. We sold the bunk beds Connie and Christi had shared and got a double bed for Connie.

Carol's first nursing job was working at a small hospital in Valdosta, Georgia. She and a friend named Carolyn rented a trailer near Moody Air Force Base. We sold her one of our cars at a low price, so she would have some way to get around. Her Bible teacher at the church she attended was a doctor who had a clinic in an even smaller town in Georgia. Carol met one of his sons, named Glen Egolf, and they began doing things together. I think she was still writing Tommy as well. Dr Egolf had a wife, four sons, and a daughter. Carol got to know the whole family and became a frequent visitor at their home.  
 
The nursing job was difficult for her at first, because, since the hospital was small, nurses had to work in all departments and do everything without much supervision. In a larger hospital, she would have been put in one department like orthopedic or pediatrics.
*********
 
After Don wasn’t able to go back to Southern for the second semester, Christi decided she wanted to wait on her twin, so she didn’t go back either. She hadn’t decided on a major, and she didn’t have enough college hours toward anything in particular. She had tried taking nursing courses, but she decided that wasn’t something she wanted to do. She thought she needed to make a decision before she went back. We had to agree, because if taking classes wasn’t leading toward a degree, she was wasting money being there.
 
In the summer of 1983, Christi got a job for a second year at Camp Blue Ridge in Virginia. Don worked at Yorktown Bay, a summer camp in Arkansas. Christi met a boy named Glen, who was a minister’s son from Australia. She was crazy about him. After camp ended, he came to New Orleans to see her and to meet us. Glen was an interesting young man. He had taken a year off from college to see the United States, and he intended to see as much of it as possible. When he left on his “walk-about,” he and Christi continued to write. After he got back to Australia, he wrote letters wanting her to come to Sydney and visit him. She was working and trying to save enough money to go.
*********
 
Your company sent you for some training sessions, preparing you to move up in the company. You weren’t really interested in moving up. What you really wanted to do was take an early retirement, but you went for the sessions. The first one you went to was a course on the Power of Positive Thinking, but later courses required a lot of concentration. The classes were giving you severe headaches and nausea. Since the company had planned for you to go, you went reluctantly. On the third day, you came home and said you didn’t intend to do it any more, because it was too stressful. You never told me what the company thought of you refusing to go.
*********

In the Fall, Don started taking some night courses at the University of New Orleans in order to get his grade point average back up. He was taking an Economic course and also an English course that was called The Bible as Literature. I thought this would be an interesting and easy subject. He had to read old Testament stories from the Bible, and they would be discussed at length in class. I had the Bible on tape, so Don and I started listening to the Old Testament stories read aloud. I was shocked to learn that Don’s teacher referred to these stories as Jewish fables and folk tales. The teacher himself was an atheist. However, Don did start to make better grades. I think he was finally learning how to study.
 
It seemed our son was starting to get past his latest breakup. He was interested in some health seminars that were being held at our church. He and a girl he met became interested in colonic irrigation which is a way of cleansing the colon for health reasons. The subject seemed too gross to interest me. They were shown how to build a table with plastic hoses for this purpose. I was amazed that this would be a subject that a boy and girl could discuss together. Don built a table for himself, and then he helped her build one. There was also a girl in one of his classes that he seemed to like. She was from Iraq. She was Muslim and wore a hijab on her head. He and the girl would go out after class for coffee and sometimes they would study together.
 
Don had been rebaptized since he came back home and had joined the church choir. They were practicing for the Christmas Cantata. He would sing the lead part. The choir leader, who was a very pretty young lady from Singapore seemed extremely interested in him, even though she was several years older. Don considered her a good friend, but it appeared to us that we had a 'ladies man' on our hands.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 89
Highlights of The New Year

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

The year 1984 was one in which many things seemed to be happening. For instance, New Orleans was getting ready for a World Fair. It was big on my bucket list. I had always wanted to attend a World Fair, and now it seemed that it was in my future. It would be opening in May, and I could hardly wait. I’d been anticipating going to such an amazing exhibition ever since I’d been told that my grandmother sent a quilt which she had made to the Chicago World Fair. This happened four years before I was even born. She had won a blue ribbon, and the quilt was one of the few things I inherited from her.

You were less enthusiastic about the fair, thinking excessive traffic would make getting to work harder. The space shuttle Enterprise did capture your attention though. It was flown into the New Orleans airport and towed to the fair site.
*******

Then to complicate things, Carol revealed to us in a phone call that Glen Egolf had asked her to marry him, and she was giving it some thought. You and I had never met the guy. All we knew was that he was a doctor’s son, and he was a few years younger than Carol. She seemed to be enjoying Glen's company, but she didn’t sound quite as enthusiastic over him as she had Tommy. I think she was impressed with his family.

We decided it was time to plan another trip to Georgia. Don wanted to go along as well to check out the guy who was going to marry his sister. Don and Carol had formed a strong bond, and during the years when they were both in the same college, Carol had been there for him when he felt his heart was broken, and he needed advice. The two of them had always been able to talk for hours about deep subjects that most teenagers would scorn.

We had recently bought a 1980 Ford LTD after we sold our other car to Carol. The LTD was a large car and the kids called it a boat. We drove it to Georgia and found the mobile home Carol and Carolyn were renting. We weren’t there long before Glen came over on his motorcycle. He seemed a little nervous and anxious to impress us with his knowledge of every subject that was touched on. He wasn’t exactly the type you and I thought Carol would be attracted to. He seemed a bit immature and someone who would be more interested in material things than in feelings. He was talkative and outgoing which was the opposite of Carol’s personality.

After he left, Carol and Don took a long walk, and Don tried to talk her out of marrying him. When we went back home, Don seemed to think he had succeeded. You weren’t expressing your opinion. I wasn’t sure what to say either. We just wanted Carol to be happy, whatever she decided.

Not long after we got back home, Carol informed us that she was going ahead with wedding plans. She was twenty-two, so we hoped for the best and sent her money for the dress she had found and other things she would need. She said they planned to get married in the little church in Valdosta. She wanted you to give her away, and she wanted Don and Connie to be in the wedding. Her friend Carolyn would be her maid of honor, and she planned to ask Carmen, the girl she’d roomed with in Texas, to be a bridesmaid.

It would be a small ceremony with the reception in the church banquet room. Carol had a friend who was helping her plan the wedding and was making the food for her. Other friends were helping her fold wedding programs and prepare net rice bags. She was trying to keep expenses to a minimum.

I can’t remember whether or not Christi went down with us to meet Carol's friend. She was too wrapped up in her own world to be that interested. She planned to go back to Camp Blue Ridge, and it was beginning to look like she might not come home in time to see Carol get married. Don had accepted a job to work at Summer camp in Texas, but he was planning to come back for his sister’s wedding.
**********

In April, Wayne, your sister, Maxine’s husband, had a heart attack and died. Maxine and Wayne’s oldest son, Gary, had married his high school sweetheart. Chuck, the younger son, was serious about a girl and thinking of getting married, so soon Maxine would be alone. Chuck was about nine months older than the twins. We left New Orleans the day after Gary called and went down for the funeral in Jackson, Mississippi. Wayne was buried in the same cemetery that our first baby, Susan, was buried in. We would miss Wayne. He was a lot of fun to be around.
*********

The World Fair opened in April. Our family was one of the first visitors. Eighty-four acres of downtown New Orleans had been cleared all the way to the river, in order to make a spot large enough for the fair. The permanent structures which would remain after the fair were the 15-acre convention center and over a mile of a beautiful river walk that went along the Mississippi River from the fair area and past Lafayette Park in the French Quarter. The gondola was supposed to remain. The gondola was suspended 300 feet in the air. It carried people in small pods from one side of the river to the other. It was to be a permanent public transportation system, but after the fair bankrupted New Orleans, the Gondola was disbanded.

Rivers and Waters of the World was the theme. One of the most interesting things was the half-mile-long Wonder Wall; it was a visual parade of well- endowed mermaids and Neptune riding an alligator, and other figurines that referred to water and New Orleans. Countries from all over the world participated with fantastic exhibits. In some ways it was like Disney World. You could ride a river boat down into Cajun country or through the old South and other interesting spots.
 
As far as I was concerned, it was everything I had anticipated and more. It’s a good thing I got to cross that off my bucket list, because it was the last world fair held in the United States. I loved the fair and went many times before it closed in November. The cost of the fair was close to five hundred million dollars and it left New Orleans nearly a hundred million in debt. World fairs are still held in other countries, but they are becoming a thing of the past. Don and Christi got a free trip to the fair before they became involved in their other plans for the summer.  The Fair sponsored a twins day.  As long as you showed proof of being twins, the admission was free.
*********

My mom came down in order to go to the fair. While she was in New Orleans, she made arrangements to go to Ochsner Hospital and have herself checked for signs of cancer. I sat in the waiting room all day, praying that it hadn't returned. They did a battery of tests and found no sign of cancer. Her doctor had been wrong. Maybe Mom's immune system had taken care of the disease.  Whatever the reason, she never had a problem with cancer again. 

The year was far from over.  For one thing, we had a wedding to attend, which would be coming up shortly.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 90
Camporees and a Wedding

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

July of 1984 found Don working at a summer camp in California. Christi was working at a summer camp in Virginia and it appeared that she had no intention of leaving a few days early in order to come home for Carol’s wedding in August.

Connie, who was now ten, was involved with the Pathfinder Club, which was similar to scouts, for children from nine to sixteen. That year, the national leaders of Pathfinders had decided they wanted to have a first ever worldwide Pathfinder Camporee at Camp Hale, an old Army base in the Colorado Mountains. Connie and her best friend, Lesley planned to go. Since the camporee was in July and the wedding a little later, there wasn’t a scheduling problem. Many of the kids at Don’s California Camp were also Pathfinder members, and Don and one of his friends were in charge of getting them from California to Colorado.

A bus took the Pathfinders from the New Orleans clubs. The leader of Connie’s group was like a drill sergeant, and he treated the kids like they were soldiers under his command. They complained, but they wanted to go camping badly enough that they stayed in the club. The planners of the camporee anticipated 18,000 kids from around the world would be there. They planned a night when the Cosby Kids from the Cosby Television show would entertain. The New Orleans leader didn’t consider this proper entertainment, so the New Orleans group didn’t get to participate.

When Don’s group from California got there, he managed to locate Connie. With so many kids there, I was surprised he was able to connect with her. When it was time to leave Colorado, the New Orleans bus broke down, and they were forced to fly the whole bus load of kids home. I’m sure many of them had never been on a plane before. I think most of them were more impressed with the plane ride than they were with the camporee.
******

My friend Diane, Lesley’s mother, insisted on making Connie a long dress for the wedding. Connie’s job was to be one of the two receptionists. When we drove down to Lakeland, Georgia for the wedding, we took Carmen, Carol's bridesmaid, in our car. Don took a bus over from California. His job was to operate the sound system. We had a flat tire after we got there, and you had trouble getting it off to change it. I don’t remember what the problem was, but you overheated. The weather in south Georgia was hot and humid. Your face got badly sunburned, which left you red-faced for the wedding. 

The following morning, we found Carol, on her wedding day, working on her bank statement and trying to find out why it was less than a dollar out of balance. It seemed odd that she chose to obsess over such a trivial thing on her wedding day. Maybe it was the only thing she felt she could control.

Everything went smoothly, and the wedding was very pretty. Glen’s brother was his best man and one of his friends was a groomsman. Carol's two attendants wore matching blue dresses, and her bouquet and wedding cake were blue and white. The food was delicious, but if I hadn’t made plates for Carol and Glen and set them aside, they would have missed out while pictures were being made, because the food was gone quickly.

Carol and Glen decided to come to New Orleans and go to the World's Fair on their Honeymoon. They spent one night in Valdosta and drove across the coast the following day on their way to our house. They only spent two nights with us. The day they went to the fair, they took Connie with them. They went back by Newton, so Glen could meet Mom and Dad. 

We later learned that the wedding trip hadn’t gone so smoothly. Glen had managed to control his, less than stellar, vocabulary while they were dating, but he relaxed once they were married, letting some foul language escape. Carol, who was still very much trying to live a spiritual life, had a problem with it, and Glen couldn't figure out why she was so upset. Later, Carol felt she had overreacted and was showing her immaturity. They would have some trying times adjusting to each other's personality quirks. They wondered if they had made a mistake and even discussed annulment.

They returned to Lakeland, Georgia still married. Glen worked in Douglas, Georgia as an electrician for a company that built mobile homes, and Carol continued with her nursing job. She made an effort to get interested in some of Glen’s hobbies. Sometimes, she rode on the back of his motorcycle on trips out of town to places like Savannah. He was into ham radios, so she worked to get a license to operate one as well. He bought expensive camera equipment and did some wedding photography. He was also very much into guns and knives. Those hobbies didn’t interest Carol.

Later, however, she would get involved in scuba-diving. Glen liked expensive toys, so some of Carol’s salary, which Glen felt was his money as well, went to pay for those things.  Carol was more budget-conscious, while Glen felt money was to be used for things one enjoyed. Glen didn't want children, and Carol felt there were too many children in the world already that had parents who didn't know how to care of them. It didn't sound as though we would be grandparents anytime soon.
*******

Don returned to the camp in California after the wedding. When camp ended, he invited a bunch of his friends to come back home with him and go to the fair. We had a couple of days with kids sleeping in sleeping bags on the floors all over our house. The World Fair was getting to be a nuisance, and we were relieved when it ended in November.

Christi came home from the Virginia camp more determined than ever to go visit her friend, Glen, in Australia. It seems younger kids cause their parents less stress than the older ones.  We realized that even when they marry and leave home, that doesn’t mean we will no longer be caught up in their dramas.
********

The outside world didn’t stand still in 1984. Much was going on outside of our little corner of the globe. Reagan was running for a second term. He was opposed by Walter Mondale who had, for the first time ever, a woman running mate, Geraldine Ferraro. Reagan won his second term. Our country was in the middle of a cold war with the USSR, and Russia boycotted the Olympics, as did other countries in the Communist bloc. This lack of competition led to the U.S. winning 83 gold medals. That was a world record.

Another first was when a Miss America lost her title. There was a big scandal when it was discovered that Vanessa Williams had posed nude for some very compromising pictures. It was a year for mullet hair cuts, Walkman radios, and boomboxes. Cabbage Patch Kids were the dolls all the little girls wanted for Christmas. Connie was no exception, but the dolls were so popular that by the time we found out, there was no way to get one. She would have to wait.

A Rubik's Cube was among her gifts, and she was able to convince us, briefly, that she was some kind of genius. We could hand her this very mixed-up puzzle, which we couldn’t solve, and five minutes later she would return with the tiles arranged in perfect order. It took us a while to learn that she was pulling the colored stickers off the tiles and rearranging them so that they matched as they were supposed to when solved. Don said ‘Connie’ was the correct name for her, because we had a little ‘con’ artist on our hands.

The New Year of 1985 loomed on the horizon. It would turn out to be another interesting year for the Shelby family.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 91
A Twin Down Under

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

With the wedding behind us and everyone back from their summer camp experiences, life returned to a somewhat normal pace. Don went back to taking classes at one of the local colleges in New Orleans. He also continued doing construction work on some student apartments near Tulane University. His propensity for being accident-prone continued.  While working on the apartments, he fell two stories and might have been seriously injured if he had landed in a slightly different position. Luckily, he was only bruised. He brushed away the occurrence as part of the work experience. His social life, at the moment, involved dating a Spanish girl he had met at church. 

Christi had a new job as a receptionist. Her jobs never lasted long, so I can’t remember exactly who she was working for at the time. Christi had a way of saying the most absurd things, and she often naively blurted out things which her acquaintances found amusing. She seemed to feel the need to fill any silence with chatter whether it made sense or not, and she often embarrassed herself when she realized what she had said. The World's Fair was continuing until November. Her boss was new in town, and Christi asked him if he’d had a chance to ride the gonorrhea, when she meant the gondola, across the Mississippi River. She said he looked at her in an odd way and said “Excuse me, Ma’am?" She realized she said something wrong, but had no clue as to how bad her mistake might have been.

Christi, like Don, always seemed to be dating someone. At the moment, in spite of constantly exchanging letters with her friend, Glen, from Australia, she was seeing a guy who drove a beautiful red convertible. He was quite well off and had been a dentist, but a severe accident left him disabled and had affected his speech. Christi felt sorry for him and was willing to go out with him, since he was attracted to her. When he called, if Connie answered the phone, she would annoy Christi by mocking his odd, almost robotic, way of talking.

Connie was ten and in fifth grade at Alice Birney Elementary school. She was happy to be back in a public school with friends she’d known for several years. She still spent as much time as we allowed with her friend Lesley, who had a large above-ground pool in her back yard and a TV that carried programs that we didn’t subscribe to. Connie decided she wanted to be in the school band and she thought she wanted to play the clarinet. We got her a used one, but she didn’t like to practice so that was pretty much a waste of money.

You sold your cattle and also some timber, and we were still debating what to do about the house and land we had in the country. It was still a subject that was hard for us to discuss. You weren’t quite ready to give up the idea that we might go back there to live. You were still hoping to be able to take an early retirement and leave New Orleans behind. Over the years you’d been with Chevron, you had a retirement plan where you contributed a monthly amount and Chevron matched it. It was growing but wasn’t nearly enough to support our family.

We talked to Carol weekly by phone. She always tried to put a positive spin on everything. She never said anything negative about Glen, but you and I sensed that she might be having trouble adjusting to being a wife and having to put another person’s needs ahead of her own. All the while she was in school, she was a very private person and valued her time alone. She had continued corresponding with Mac, an old man she met  her first year in college. Glen resented her writing to someone he didn't know. Glen was a outgoing person who enjoyed being around people, but Carol was more introverted. Recently, Glen had decided he wanted to try to get into nursing school. He had to get his grade point average up and getting into the nursing program wasn't easy. Carol was doing what she could to help him.

In the spring of 1985, Christi had become more determined than ever to go to Australia and visit her friend, Glen. He was willing to send her the money for the plane ticket but we didn’t think that was a good idea, and we eventually agreed to help her with the ticket. Glen said his grandparents in Sydney had a place for her to stay. Glen was in college in Sydney, but his father was a conference leader and pastor in New Zealand. In May, Christi bought a round-trip ticket with an open date as to when she would return.

The day of Christi's scheduled departure was a disaster. She always waited until the last minute for everything. She had stuffed the largest piece of luggage we owned to twice its capacity. We were pushing her to get to the airport early so she wouldn’t miss the flight. When we started out the door, the zipper broke on the suitcase. Everything had to be taken out and repacked into two smaller pieces of luggage. We barely got her there, but it seemed there was just enough time for her to make the flight. We went with her as far as they allowed us to go. She promised to call as soon as she arrived. The flight would go through Los Angles and wouldn’t arrive in Sydney for around twenty-four hours.

Three days later when she finally called, we learned she had missed the New Orleans flight after all, and had spent the night in the airport waiting for the next flight. She eventually arrived at her destination and Glen met her at the airport. The price of a collect call from Australia was extremely expensive, so we decided our conversations would need to be short. Christi seemed extremely impressed with Australia, and she said Glen's grandparents were nice. She didn’t act the least bit concerned about being so far from home. It appeared as though she wouldn’t be interested in returning any time soon.  

A few days later, she called to tell us that Glen’s dad and another pastor would be coming to New Orleans in late June for the World Session of the General Conference of our denomination. They had asked her to find out if we could get them a place to stay for two weeks that wouldn’t be extremely  expensive. Apparently there was a difference in the currency exchange rates, and the Australian money didn’t go as far in the U.S. as it did there. The amount they hoped to spend wouldn’t provide for a very nice place, but they said that wasn’t important. We told her that we’d do what we could to find something.

The General Conference had rented the New Orleans Superdome for the session and delegates from every country in the world would be in attendance. My mom had planned to come and stay with us, because she wanted to attend. There would be no room in our home for the pastors to stay with us. I had a feeling Glen’s dad, in addition to being a delegate to the convention, was also interested in checking out the family that had the daughter his son was so interested in.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 92
Visitors from Down Under

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

With Glen’s father and his friend coming to New Orleans to represent New Zealand at the World Conference, I got busy and called every hotel and motel in the city trying to find them a reasonable place to stay in the area. I was shocked at the prices and the fact that almost everything was already booked for the time they would be in New Orleans. The only thing I could find within their price range was a motel pretty far from the Super Dome on Airline Highway. It wasn’t very nice or in a good  location, but at least, it was by a bus stop.

Within the week, the two men arrived, and we got to meet them. Glen’s dad, Pastor Townsend, was a very nice-looking man. He was extremely friendly and easy going. His friend, who was also a pastor, would be representing Fiji and Tonga rather than New Zealand. He also had a great personality, and both men had a sense of humor. It was fun getting to know them. We loved hearing them talk and found many of the expressions they used to be amusing. We felt bad about the motel being as old and rundown as it was, but they seemed grateful in spite of the fact they had seen roaches. Some of the other representatives at the convention had booked that motel as well.

We still had the Dodge Charger which barely ran, and since we weren’t using it, we offered it to them to use.  They took the offer, but they did have a lot of problems with it. I also invited them to dinner one evening and they thanked me for having them over for`tea'. Pastor Townsend said he had met Christi, and that she was very sweet and pretty.

Since Mom was visiting and wanted to attend the convention, we went several of the nights. They had interesting displays and even an art exhibit of works by a famous artist who did religious paintings. The speakers were interesting and the costumes from around the world were beautiful and colorful.

We heard from Christi a couple of times during the week. Glen's grandparents had taken her into the outback and to some of the more tropical areas. She acted as though she had seen a little slice of Heaven and never wanted to leave. We couldn’t get her to say very much about what was going on with Glen. Pastor Townsend was talking to his son, and nearing the time they were to leave, he asked what I hoped would happen between Christi and Glen. I told him Australia was too far away, and although I liked Glen, I was hoping they wouldn’t get married. He told me he had talked to Glen, and that he thought I might get my wish. Ah ha, I thought. He knows something Christi isn’t telling us, and maybe we’ll soon be getting our daughter back home.

Christi actually missed most of summer that year. The time she spent in Australia was during their winter, and she was away from New Orleans when we had our summer. Eventually her Visa ran out, and she was forced to come home, but when her plane landed in Los Angeles, she knew a couple of guys she had met from there during the year she went to school in Texas, so she decided to spend several days there before coming home. Eventually she did get home, and it seemed almost like she had turned into a different person. She expressed herself more forcefully and wasn't as shy.

We never got the whole story of what went on between her and Glen. She said he had a bad temper, and that he liked to drive extremely fast and scare her. The more she protested the faster he would drive. He must have gotten aggravated with her because she said he slapped her once. We were glad they broke up, because although we realized she could be aggravating, we didn’t want our daughter marrying a man who would hit a woman.

At one point the grandparents insisted that Christi get out and find work. It might have been that she had to either be working or the country wouldn’t allow her to stay longer. The only thing she could find was some door-to-door sales work, and I don’t think that suited her. She wasn’t able to sell much. They were hard-working people, and maybe they thought she was lazy. When she came back to Metairie, she didn’t write Glen, but she and his sister did exchange letters for a while. They had gotten to be friends while she was there. It was many months before she quit talking about how wonderful Australia was.
******

At forty-six, I was starting to have some health problems due to heavy monthly periods. Once when I became anemic, I had a D&C (Dilation and Curettage) that involved an overnight stay in the hospital. It had helped for a while, but I was starting to have that problem again. My gynecologist wanted to do a hysterectomy, but I kept putting it off, hoping I would get better.

***********

Something else was in the works that would cause big changes in our family. Chevron Oil was merging with Gulf. The company was offering retirement packages for all who wanted to retire. You were only 56, but it was what you’d been waiting for. You definitely wanted out. Your mind was made up. You’d been with Chevron over twenty-five years and you’d decided you were going to take them up on the offer.

The retirement package was equal to six months full salary and the next six months at half a year’s salary. You could take the whole amount as a lump sum if you chose to. I knew there would be no way to dissuade you, so I didn’t even try, although it would be six years before you could even get early Social Security. I wasn’t convinced we could survive that long, but you believed we could.

Your last day to work was in early December of 1985. You had some vacation time coming which would pay you through the end of the year. You didn’t even tell the men under you that you would be leaving. You didn’t want a party send-off or to have to deal with the goodbyes. The boss who headed up all the drafting divisions and his wife took us out to an upscale restaurant for dinner and that was the extent of it. You took the retirement package as a lump sum.

Chevron would allow us to keep our health coverage and would continue to contribute a sum each month for as long as we lived, unless we chose to change plans. You also had a life insurance policy, which would decrease as you aged.

Luckily, CD rates were at historic highs, paying as much as 17%.  You kept out just enough for us to live on and tied the other up in CDs for ten years. In addition to the salary package, you also took a lump sum on the Chevron retirement plan which you had paid into all those years. It was a lot of money at one time, but it would have to stretch for many years.

At the moment, we had no plans to move away so I would continue working. I had left Christian Print Company when they were talking about moving into another county, and I was now working for another large printing company near the river. I was glad I had a job because as much as I loved you, I wasn’t sure how too much togetherness would work.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 93
Could Things Get Worse?

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

As the year 1985 drew to a close, so many things were happening that were disturbing. I had incurred the fury of the new department head at the company where I worked. Earlier, an unexpected opportunity had arisen which involved a chance to go to California. I'd always wanted to go there, and it was something I didn't want to pass up. Don had bought a car, and asked you and me to drive out with him to visit a friend. We would fly back from Sacramento. It would involve two nights on the road and a third day to fly back home. I had some vacation time coming, so I went to the supervisor's office to ask permission to use three days of my time.

The printing company was under new management, which was in the process of hiring and firing employees on a daily basis. The department head, who had hired me, had been terminated. The new supervisor was a man everyone feared. The day I requested the time off, he happened to be away, and the acting supervisor told me to go. He didn't see any problem with me being away for three days. When I returned from the trip, the new supervisor was angry that he had not been consulted and decided to punish me by having me work in a file room, where I would be alone handling heavy materials that I could barely lift.

I was in the early stages of menopause and suffering from heavy, almost constant, bleeding which was becoming more severe by the day. This heavy work exacerbated my physical condition to the point that I felt I would need to give up the job in order to survive. I was embarrassed to admit that I wasn't physically able to do the work.

Christmas came, and I did my best to hold things together until after the holidays. We went to Mississippi as we always did. At your mother's house that year, there were twenty-four of us attending. We all gathered outside to have a picture made. The younger kids were setting off fireworks, and one of the chaser rockets zigzagged, and headed straight for our photography line-up. Since I seemed to be the one the universe chose to frown on that day, the small rocket managed to collide with my leg, burning a hole in my hose and stinging like a wasp as it fizzled out. This was only the beginning of my problems.

The next day, we were back in Metairie and I was attempting to do a load of laundry. The washing machine overflowed and flooded the den. I tried to help you pull up and drag the soaked carpeting to the patio to dry. By this time I was pouring blood, and we had to drop everything and rush to the emergency room.

My doctor said my blood count was so low that he wasn't sure he could get it back up. They put me to bed and ordered five pints of blood and scheduled a D&C for the following morning. Carol and Glen were due in that night from Georgia, and I was upset that I wouldn't be home when they came. That was the least of my worries.

You were retired, so you planned to spend the rest of the day with me to keep me company. You went out for lunch and hadn't been back in the room but a few minutes, when the phone rang. Don, Christi and Connie were all home, so I assumed it was one of them. Your face turned white, and you were only grunting into the phone. Then you said "Okay" and hung up.

"Who was that?" I demanded.

"It was Don. I'm going to run home for a little bit."

"What do you mean, you're going home? You just got here. What's happened?"

"They've had a little problem. I need to go see if I can help them."

"No! Something bad's happened. You look like you've seen a ghost. You're not leaving until you tell me what's going on."

"Beth, I've got to go. They need me. Don told me not to tell you. There's been a little fire. I need to go see how bad it is. I'll see you later." With that, you gave me a quick kiss and left the room.

The next person in the room was a nurse, who came to take my blood pressure. When she read it, she thought I was on the verge of having a stroke. It had risen to the danger zone.

Meanwhile, back in the jungle.... Seriously, here is what I was told happened after I left to go to the hospital.

Connie's friend, Lesley, came over to play. They went into Connie's room and closed the door. They decided to put a couple of chairs together and make a tent. First, they draped a sheet over the chairs, and then to make it darker, they strung some heavy bath towels over the whole thing. Needing more light, they put a lamp under the covers. Apparently, they removed the lamp shade, because the bare bulb was against the towels. At some point, the towels began smoldering. Connie decided it was time to abandon the tent, so she threw the smoldering towels into her closet and the two of them left, closing the door behind them.

It was the end of December and it was cold outside, but Christi decided it was getting so hot inside the house, that she needed to take a shower to cool off. Don smelled smoke and opened the door to Connie's room. He didn't see any fire, but he did see some whiffs of smoke, so he decided the girls had been burning incense, and he needed to get the odor out of the room. He opened Connie's windows and closed the door behind him.

A little later, Christi opened the door, and the whole room was filled with smoke and fire. The smoke quickly drifted out and filled the whole house and panic set in. "What's the number to 911?" she screamed. "Quick, what's the number to 911?"

I'm not sure what happened at that point, but the kids got out. They said they had to crawl on their knees because the smoke was so heavy higher up in the room. The fire department arrived and managed to save the cat, which was making pitiful mournful noises from beneath the sofa. Our children escaped, wearing nothing but their older clothes and the crocheted house shoes that your mom had made them for Christmas.

Except for the brick outside walls, Connie's room and everything in it was totaled. The ceiling was gone and everything stored in the attic also burned. The rest of the walls inside the house were blackened from smoke. Everything was soaked from the firemen's hoses, but they managed to put out the fire. You didn't tell me how bad it was that night, because you were trying to keep me calm. My friend, Diane, invited everyone to come there to spend the night.

Carol and Glen arrived around one in the morning, and banged on the smoke stained door of the dark house until they saw the note that read, There was a fire. We've gone to Diane's house.

The following morning, I had the surgery, and all those fresh pints of blood cells made a new woman out of me. I was worried about getting AIDS, because this was a time people were getting it from blood transfusions. The Insurance company went to work trying to find us a place to live. They were only able to find one motel room in the whole city because it was Super Bowl weekend and all the rooms were booked. With Carol and Glen there were seven of us, plus a cat, who were forced to share one room.

Poor Connie was traumatized with guilt over what her carelessness had caused, and Don felt terrible for opening the window to give the fire more oxygen. I was just glad everyone was alive, and that physically, I was feeling better than I had felt in months. What a way for you to start your retirement years!
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.Th

Chapter 94
The Aftermath of the Fire

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

After the fire and having spent one night in the crowded motel room with us, Carol and Glen managed to find another motel so they could have a decent night’s sleep. Instead of the belated Christmas celebrations we’d hoped to have with them, they spent time going back and forth to the house trying to find clothes that hadn’t been totally ruined by the fire. They paid many laundry and dry cleaning charges attempting to rid the smell of smoke and stains from clothes still wearable. The gifts we had for them under the tree, like most everything else, were ruined. They hadn’t anticipated their visit to be so expensive, and after doing what they could to help, they headed back to Georgia.

We were in the motel for another week before the insurance company found a house for us to rent. Our next-door neighbor ran an extension cord to our house so that our refrigerator could operate on his electricity and what food we had wouldn’t ruin.  Even on sunny days, going to the house meant entering with a flashlight because all the windows were black. We had to brace ourseleves for the odor of smoke and mildew that assailed our nostrils, and the spongy and squishy  feel of walking on wet carpet.

I called in to work and explained what had happened, and on the third day after the fire, I went in, not knowing quite what to expect. I wasn’t shocked that they had decided to terminate me, since I’d been away from work while in the hospital. It saved me having to quit the job. I knew I was needed at home to help get us back on track. Actually, I was relieved, assuming I could draw unemployment until we could get resettled. I filed with the unemployment office, and within the week,  I got a letter informing me that the claim had been denied, but that I had a right to an appeal.

I wrote a long letter explaining what had happened and the reason for the hospital visit. I also explained how, because the supervisor was upset with me being given permission to take three days of vacation in his absence, he had caused my problem to become worse by putting me in a work situation where I had to do heavy lifting.

When I went in for the hearing, I hadn’t expected my supervisor to be there. He had orders from the new company owner to make sure that no employee drew unemployment against the company. I was quaking in fear at the notion of having to verbalize my position to this tyrant. However, my letter was read aloud to him by the unemployment representative hearing the case. She said the company had decided to grant me unemployment, and he didn’t challenge it. He went back to the company having failed to keep me from getting it.
******

It took a few days for us to realize what needed to be done in order to get us back into our house. Our insurance paid for the rental and for renting furniture. They would also cover expenses for a company to come in and clean away fire damage and rubble and for a salvage company to save and clean what was undamaged. It was our responsibility to contact these people.

We were able to have one bedroom suite and the piano refinished. The kitchen appliances just needed cleaning. Most of the dishes and kitchenware were fine. One of the most time-consuming tasks was listing 20 pages of everything we lost, including the age of the item and its approximate value. It was up to us as to how to go about restoring the house.

Don asked us if we would allow him to do the rebuilding. Since he wasn’t a licensed builder, we didn’t think that would be approved. He had gotten quite a bit of construction experience in the last couple of years, and it was starting to appear as if his career might be as a building contractor. This would look good on his resume.

We were surprised that the insurance company and the bank approved him to do the work as long as a building inspector would oversee the job. We were impressed that he seemed to know how to proceed and hire the needed carpenters and electricians. All of the interior had to be gutted, and new insulation and wiring would be necessary. The date we hoped to move back in was set for March first.
******

Connie didn’t like to talk about the fire. She seemed very subdued and tended to be fearful.  We felt she had suffered enough, so we didn’t harass her about what had happened. However, she wasn’t through causing us stress and expense.

Shortly after moving into the rental, my car was sitting on the drive that sloped toward the street. I was coming from the house planning to take Connie shopping. She had taken my key and rushed out ahead of me and had gotten into the driver's seat. At ten, she was more interested in driving than any of our other kids had been. Occasionally, you allowed her to sit in your lap, start the car, and steer. On a level drive, there might not have been a problem, but she not only turned the key, she also threw the car out of gear. To my horror, I watched as it started rolling backward. An oncoming car was turning into the street in the path of our rolling car. I was too far away to do anything other than yell and gesture like a madwoman.

The driver of the oncoming vehicle must have seen me, or the rolling car. They quickly backed up and went down another street. Still, there was a parked car on the street. Our car crashed into the side of it. Thankfully, the car was not moving so fast that Connie was injured.

Nevertheless, there were repairs on two cars that we had to cover. We were advised not to report to our insurance company that a child was in the driver’s seat. Thus one more trauma was added to the growing list that our youngest daughter would have to live with.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 95
Forward into 1986

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

It was a good thing that you and I were both free to shop together for the new items needed for our home. You weren’t hard to please with household décor, but I wanted your approval on the furniture. You were more involved in the process when it came to shopping for a new wardrobe for yourself. More of your clothes seemed to have been ruined because of the type of material in your suits and ties. You knew more what you didn’t want, than about what you wanted. That made shopping for you more complicated, and you insisted that I come with you.

When it came to clothes for Connie or me, you stayed behind and watched television. On January 28, I came in from a shopping excursion to find you upset. You had just watched videos of the spaceship Challenger exploding in space. Your program had been interrupted with news of the explosion, which happened less than two minutes after launch. You had always been interested in aeronautics. That was part of the reason we had recently visited the space station in Florida.

For days, we’d listened to news stories and seen interviews with Christa McAuliffe, the civilian elementary school teacher, who had won out over 11,000 applicants to be the representative who could interest young people in space exploration. The plan was for her to talk to students while traveling in space. The launch was carried live into school rooms so that 11 to 15-year-olds could watch. This was President Reagan’s way to generate new interest in the space exploration program. Now, many of those children would need counseling, especially those of her own students who watched in horror, as their beloved teacher was among the seven who died in the crash.
*******

Work on our house continued, and at the end of February, due to inspection delays, we asked for another month to rent the house we were in. Don was doing an excellent job with rebuilding the interior, but he was spending the money he earned as fast as he was paid. The one thing he’d never learned was how to save.

On the first of March, we moved back in, and it was like being in a new home. We had gotten rid of the extra bedroom that we had created for Carol, and once again, we had a formal dining room. We had bought a twin bedroom set with canopies for Christi and Connie. You and I also had a new cherry bedroom suite. The mahogany set which had been refinished would be Don’s and would go in the new room which had once been Connie’s. We were very pleased with the new look.
********

As soon as the school term ended in May, we decided to take a vacation trip before Don or I went back to work. Don felt he had earned the right to pick the place, and he voted for a trip to Washington, D.C. Christi wasn’t interested in going there, but she had friends who lived in the Chattanooga area that she'd known while in college in Tennessee. She asked that we drop her off there, so she could have some time with them.

Not wanting to spend a lot of money, we decided to camp whenever it was convenient, so we took the van. This was my first trip to DC and I was impressed. We toured the Capitol but weren’t able to see the White House. The day we were there, we walked to the fence and saw the red carpet that was laid out for a visiting dignitary. We also went up in the Washington Monument and looked over the city. We didn’t have time to do all of the Smithsonian buildings, but you and Don chose the Air and Space Museum and Connie and I chose the Museum of Natural History. We could have spent days in either of them.

After we left Washington, you surprised us by saying, ”I know I’m not going to get away with being this close to New York and not going there, so we might as well go.” The trip to New York should have been scrapped, because we stayed lost the whole time we were there. We went through the Lincoln Tunnel and over the George Washington Bridge three times, while trying to find our way. Each time we paid a toll, and you joked that we were on a first-name basis with the toll collector before we left the city. I wanted to see Broadway, and when we found the street, I was excited, not realizing the only portion that I was going to see was in a very rundown section where cars were parked three-deep in front of seedy apartment buildings. You were sure that if there had been another coat of paint on our van, the speeding New York taxis would have scraped it off. You left the city behind as soon as you located an exit street.

Our next stop was in the Catskills mountains, where we found a beautiful park that allowed camping. Don and Connie spent the night in the tent and you and I enjoyed sleeping in the van. In Pennsylvania, we went to the little town of Hershey. Touring the Hershey Candy factory might have been Connie’s favorite stop. Other highlights were the Gettysburg battlefield and the Amish country in Lancaster County. We came back through Tennessee and picked Christi up.

Back in Metairie again, Don found some construction work, and I took a job with a company that rented out medical equipment and spent my days pulling files and billing insurance companies. It was easy work, and it happened to be the only thing available at the time.

This may be a bit out of sequence, but since I didn’t touch on it earlier, it is worth mentioning. It involved the Firebird that became such an albatross for our son, causing him to have to leave college in Tennessee. He eventually dragged the thing back to Metairie, where it sat in our driveway leaking oil, until Don and a friend managed to pull out the fried motor and replace it with another one they found in still another junkyard. The old motor was an eyesore in our backyard, so your solution was to dig a hole and bury it. I can imagine what might happen at some later date, when someone chances over it with a metal detector and believes he’s located a pirate’s trove. What a disappointment!

Back to the Firebird, it cranked once, and Don traded it with his friend for another worthless piece of junk that he eventually sold to a hopeful, but hapless, buyer for a fraction of what the debacle had originally cost Don, as well as us. Hopefully, it could be written off as a lesson learned.

In order not to end on a negative note, I will mention the pretty new girlfriend Don was dating. She came from a wealthy New York family. and her dad owned an Island somewhere. She was a member of our church and a student at Tulane. Don’s evenings were often spent at the apartment that she shared with a friend.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 96
Changing Family Dynamics

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Since your retirement, you were a lot more relaxed and less stressed than you had been in previous years. It was like getting to know you all over again, and we were enjoying the time we spent together more like when it had been just the two of us. You had discovered you liked to cook. Your tastes ran to country cooking, and you weren’t interested in recipe books.

You liked to fry the vegetables we grew on our fence, which we had been introduced to after moving to the New Orleans area. The mirlitons and Chinese okra were about all we could grow, since our small yard was too shady for a garden. None of your meals were complete without cornbread, with the exception of breakfast, which was usually eggs, grits, biscuits and sometimes turkey sausage patties.

Don, Christi, and I were away at work during the day, and Connie usually wanted to be with her friends. Connie, at twelve, was getting to be something of a dilemma. In a way, she seemed more fragile after the fire. Whether that was the problem, or whether she was experiencing the hormonal changes that start around that age, we weren’t sure. Sometimes, she seemed clingy and didn’t want us out of her sight, and other times, she was moody and almost hostile. The older girls had had their share of emotional problems, but nothing like Connie seemed to be experiencing.

When she was ten, Christi had changed after Connie was born. Until that point, she had been a pleasure to be around, but she felt we had replaced her by having another baby. Her position, in the birth order, had been usurped by the new addition. She fought against the idea of growing up, feeling that her charm was that of a little girl. She had denied her changing body and had worn tight undershirts, refusing to wear a bra, until forced to by her high school gym teacher. She had developed an argumentative nature and a fiery temper.

She also developed another condition that may have been chemical in nature. She was addicted to sugar, which I believed to be part of the problem, but it seemed worse when we were in the car returning from a visit to my parents' home. It could have been a food allergy due to something Mother used in her cooking. Christi would be overcome by uncontrollable fits of laughter that might last most of the long ride back to Metairie. It was almost like she was drunk, but my parents had no liquor in their home. Personally, on these trips, I always suffered from excruciating gas pains. The rest of the family seemed unaffected.

We often told Christi that she was extremely attractive, but she refused to believe it. She would find some insignificant, imagined flaw and become miserable, feeling that it would make her the object of ridicule. At age twenty-four, there was never a lack of boyfriends. Our house was restocked once or twice a week with fresh flowers sent by some guy who hoped to win her favor. She was nice to them, but always found a reason to dismiss them as anything more than a friend. I think she assumed if they were interested in her, there must be something wrong with them. I don’t think she was capable of caring for them because she couldn’t accept herself. After returning from Australia, she seemed more assertive. We tried to get her to go for counseling, and she did for a visit or two, but when they suggested some medication might help, she refused to go back.
*******

After I’d undergone my second D&C, which had required five pints of blood, my doctor assured me that the problem would return, and that I needed a hysterectomy. I was reluctant to get the surgery. In order to have it, our insurance required a second opinion. They sent me a list of doctors, whose opinion they accepted in the New Orleans area. I scheduled an appointment and went to one of them. After he examined me, he said he thought I would do just as well by taking a hormone.

When I told my doctor, he was furious. He said he had a doctor that did second opinions which agreed with his. He said the insurance was trying to get out of paying. My opinion was that he just wanted to perform the surgery. Carol had her father-in-law, a Georgia doctor, send me samples of a low-dose progesterone tablet. I took that for a few months and never had another problem.
************

Carol and Glen continued to live and work in Valdosta, Georgia until August,t when Glen wanted to move to Chattanooga and go to the school Carol had attended for her nursing degree. They rented an apartment in the area and Glen started classes. Carol found work at Parkridge, a local hospital. You and I decided to make a trip up to visit them. While they were away, we got out and walked around in the nearby neighborhoods. You picked up some brochures on houses for sale and were impressed that the prices were so much more reasonable than those in Metairie. We both liked the area and thought this wouldn’t be a bad place to live.
**********

Since my friend Diane had joined our church, she decided she wanted Lesley to attend the church school which Connie had gone to for one year. Connie wasn’t anxious to go back there, but since her best friend would be there, she agreed to go. She would be in sixth grade, and since two grades were together, Lesley would be in the same room for fifth grade. Some of the girls in the class bonded with Lesley almost immediately. In the past, Lesley and Connie had been the best of friends, but now jealously reared its ugly head.

Suddenly everyone turned against Connie, even her best friend, Lesley. We had one miserable little girl on our hands. She was brokenhearted and spent time sulking in her room and crying. We didn’t know how to comfort her. I told Carol what was going on by phone, and she wrote Connie a long letter and sent her an arrangement with balloons. I think it helped to make her feel better.

In a way, it was a learning experience for Connie. In the past, she had been guilty of pushing some other girls out of the group and making them feel isolated. Now, she was realizing how much that can hurt. We could only hope this was a stage that would soon pass. No one wants to see their children in pain.
 
 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 97
In Search of Greener Pastures

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

As 1986 and your first year of retirement moved into the fall, you became antsy about being at home. Since our house was finished, you didn’t have much to do. You were still young and energetic enough that you didn’t like being idle. From the time we’d moved into the area, you had never meant for this place to be our permanent home.

Since Don, Christi, and I were away at work during the day, you started thinking about what you wanted to do with our place in the country. You made several trips there alone. I think in the back of your mind, you had always thought this would be the place where we would live as we grew older. Now, you were beginning to realize that if we moved back to the country, it wasn't likely that we would be seeing a lot of our children. Since they’d grown up in the New Orleans area, they didn’t really want to return to Mississippi.

You had been born in the state, but now, it didn’t feel as much like home to you as it once had. You didn’t know anyone around the house we'd built except the farmer whose land joined ours. Although the two of you talked occasionally, you didn’t have a lot in common. His house was far enough away that you felt nervous when you were there alone at night. It was too quiet. You found it wasn’t much fun walking over our 143 acres when it was just you by yourself.
 
In January of 1987, you asked your mom if she would like to come over and spend a week with you there. Mrs. Shelby was now eighty-five, but her mind was as sharp as ever. She was still active and seldom had an opportunity to go anywhere.

She was living alone again. At one point, she had tried moving into the house with your brother, Rhomas, who had bought a place in Newton after his divorce. Rhomus was no longer working due to his own health problems. From what you told me about growing up with your brother, he was a difficult person to live with. Your mom had lived alone for a lot of years since your dad died, and the two of them clashed. The move was a disaster for both of them, and after a couple of months, she moved back into the apartment she had rented before the move.

She was delighted at the invitation and the opportunity to spend some quality time with you. You told me later, that it was a great week. The two of you spent time talking about your younger years. It was good that you had that time with her, because in February, she had a heart attack and passed away. I was saddened by her passing, because I loved her too. I was blessed to have had wonderful in-laws, who had never given me any problems. Your four siblings were like family to me, an only child, who had always wanted sisters and a brother. We were all there for the funeral.

In March of that year, there was a political scandal in the news. President Reagan made a speech about it, although it was never clear that he had been aware of all the details. It was known as Iran-Contra, and it had first started in 1981 with only rumors leaking out. It involved senior U.S. officials selling arms to Iran, a country that was supposed to be under an arms embargo.

The reason given for the sale was in order to secure their help in getting seven U.S. hostages released. It had been further complicated in 1985 when Oliver North had diverted some of the money from the arms sale to support the Contra, who were a rebel group fighting against the socialist government in Nicaragua. Political scandals have always been with us and I’m sure they will continue to be. Of course, the news was filled with Senate hearings and fighting among the parties.

In April, I went to Mississippi with you, and we made an appointment with a Realtor to look at some homes around the Ross Burnett Reservoir in Jackson. If we moved back to Jackson, you could still enjoy the country place often. Our children would probably visit more often if we had a home on the lake. We were shocked at the prices in the area because the houses were a lot more expensive and on smaller lots than the ones we had looked at in Chattanooga. The houses were nice, but too close together and not offering a lot of privacy or garden space.
********

Don was talking about going back to college full time. He still wanted to get his degree and work as a physical therapist, but there were only a limited number of openings in the program, and the competitors for slots needed to have very high grade points to qualify.

I suggested that maybe he should consider another route. “Why not go to chiropractic school and become a chiropractor instead. Since you seem to want a career that involves health, but you don’t really like the idea of prescription drugs, it might be something you would find interesting. Being called a doctor, sounds better than a therapist anyway.”

“Hey, that’s not a bad idea,” he said. I already know that guy in our church who’s a chiropractor. I’ll asked him what I need to do. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.”

In a few weeks, Don had sent away and received college catalogues from three chiropractic colleges. The one nearest us was Life College in Marietta, Georgia, which was near Atlanta. The chiropractor who Don knew had graduated from Palmer College, which I think, is in Iowa. Don was anxious to go check out the one near Atlanta.

When Don mentioned that aloud, you thought it wasn’t a bad idea. You said “Well, go get your stuff together and let's go. We might check out some houses for sale. Maybe we’ll move to Georgia, and you could save money by living at home.”

“Are you serious?” I asked. “Do I even know you? You never want to go anywhere but Mississippi. Don mentions going to look at a college, and you are ready to leave right way. Am I dreaming?”

“Well, It’s Sunday morning and I don’t have a job to go to tomorrow. You people are always wanting to go somewhere. I’m ready to move away from here. You two, go see if you can get tomorrow off, and call Carol and tell her we’re spending the night with her in Chattanooga. It’s only a couple of hours from Atlanta.”

Glen was now in his second semester of nursing school, and he was required to take this semester of classes at the Orlando branch of Southern College near Florida Hospital. Carol was working in Chattanooga and she was by herself in the rental apartment until Glen returned in May. Carol was delighted that we would be coming for a surprise visit.

I wasn’t about to miss taking advantage of getting to know the current version of the man I’d been married to for thirty-one years. If you were ready to go on a "spur-of-the-moment" adventure, I could handle that. Christi could be there for Connie so she could get to school.

A few phone calls later, having tossed some things into a bag, we were on the road toward Georgia, and only forty-five minutes had passed. That definitely broke all previous records for the Shelby family planning a trip.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 98
How Do We Go About This Move?

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

The trip to Marietta was long but uneventful. We listened to music, sang some, and talked so it wasn’t too boring. It was a beautiful early Spring day. We found the Life Chiropractic College. Don was impressed and decided he definitely wanted to go there. There were some science and math classes he would need to take at a regular college which were required before he could enroll. 

Marietta was too close to Atlanta for us to want to live there, but we did pick up some real estate books to see what was available. We checked out a boarding school which we thought we might consider for Connie, and then we drove to Chattanooga.

It was good to see Carol, and we were glad she wasn’t scheduled to work that night. The next morning before we left, we checked out schools in the Chattanooga area for both Don and Connie and also picked up more real estate books to see how prices compared there. “You know we really can’t buy anywhere until we sell our house in Metairie,” I observed. 

“That’s true.” you agreed, “but we do need to know which way we’re heading. Personally, I vote for Chattanooga. It is beautiful here and the prices aren’t that bad. Don may have to rent something in Marietta. There are all kinds of apartments around the campus. Chattanooga is close enough that he could be home every weekend. There are colleges and universities here, where he could get the classes before he enrolls. I like the church schools they have here for Connie. They have a middle school and a high school.”

“Sounds like a winning solution to me. Let’s do it.” Don said.

I was happy with that idea. It meant we didn’t have to move back to Mississippi. We’d lived in Metairie for sixteen years and I’d miss it, but I always knew we would leave after you retired. We would be a couple of hours further away from my parents, but we could handle that.

That still left the problem of the farm property. I knew that was going to be sticky. I wondered if you were ready to consider selling it. If not maybe we could rent out the house. We could deal with that later. The farm was always something that was hard for us to talk about. It’s never easy to let go of a dream. The kids sometimes accused me of being a dream killer.

When we got back home, we debated how we wanted to go about marketing our house. First we needed to look at houses similar to ours to decide on an asking price. We had bought the house from the owner, and I was in favor of selling it the same way to avoid the Realtor fees. We had paid off the mortgage when you got your money from Chevron, and with you not working we didn’t need another one.

What we could spend to buy in Chattanooga, would depend on what we could get for our home. We needed to pay cash. You had taken a lump sum when you retired, which meant we would have to take our monthly expenses from that until I could find a job. That money would have to last until you were old enough to draw Social Security, and start taking monthly checks from your IRA.

We decided to wait about putting the house on the market until the school term was up. Disrupting Connie’s life at this point didn’t seem like a smart idea. The fact that she knew we were talking about moving caused her to tell people we were. Things hadn't been the same with her best friend since Lesley had turned some of her classmates against her. This was probably the reason she didn't seem as unhappy about the idea of moving as we feared she would be.

The news got around to our friends and neighbors that we were moving. I had always had a problem saying no if asked to head up a committee or do something involving church or Pathfinders, but now I did use the excuse that we might be moving.

In June, Connie turned fourteen. We were already having teen problems, and we realized things probably wouldn't improve until she got older. Most teens start to give their parents problems. I wasn’t a terrible teen, but I know I created my own share of drama. This daughter had started early, so we weren’t sure what we were in for. We hoped Chattanooga would be a better place for her to grow up than in the New Orleans area.

Later that summer, we did put our house on the market ‘for sale by owner.’ We put a sign out front and listed it for a month in the newspaper. We got a few calls and several people came and looked, but most of the calls were from local agents wanting to list it. One Realtor was very persistent, and he assured us that there was no way we would be able to sell the house without his superior sales ability.  He said, “Let me list it for three months, and I guarantee it will be sold.” After our month-long-ad expired, we agree to sign a three-month listing with him.

When we bought the house sixteen years earlier, we’d only paid $30,O00. Real estate had gone up considerably, so we were asking $89,000. Over the three months, it was shown about four times. Only one man made an offer, and it was for $72,000. We countered, but he claimed he couldn’t pay more than $75,000. Our agent said we should take it, because it wouldn’t sell for more than that. By the time we paid his commission, it wasn’t enough so we told him “No way!”  He got very belligerent and said “You’ll be sorry. That’s all you’re going to get for this house. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”  Our contract with him expired and we chose not to re-list with him.

When Christi learned we were planning to buy in Chattanooga, she was excited and wanted to go early because she had friends there. She called Carol and asked if she could live with her for a while until we came up. She also had a friend that she thought she could move in with, if that didn't work out.

Carol told her she could stay until Glen came back, so she got a ride to Chattanooga and moved in with Carol. Connie was happy to have the room to herself since they were always squabbling over something. You were happy because you didn't like Carol living alone.

Christi soon met a guy at church and started going out with him. One night, she had a date to go to a very expensive restaurant. She bought a new dress for the occasion. It was made of some thin synthetic material, but was slightly wrinkled from the shopping bag.

As usual, Christi was running late and panicking. She started begging Carol to press it for her. Christi is someone who will never let up until she gets her way, so Carol agreed. The problem was Carol was used to pressing her cotton uniforms and the iron was too hot and burned a hole in the material.

From what we heard later, a fight ensued of epic proportions. Christi was forced to wear an older dress and Carol left the apartment until she could cool off. I don't think she was with Carol that long. The next thing we knew, Christi had moved in with a friend.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 99
It's Funny How Things Work Out

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

In June of 1987, Connie had her fourteenth birthday. She graduated from eighth grade and would be starting high school in September. Her birthday fell near the time when our president, Ronald Reagan uttered those famous words we hear quoted even today; "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" It was the Berlin wall he was referring to that separated East and West Germany, and it was another two years before it finally came down.
 
We made several trips back to Tennessee, and stayed with Carol, while we looked to see if we could decide where we wanted to live. Since Collegedale, on the outskirts of Chattanooga, was the site of the school where we hoped to enroll Connie, we decided to look in that area first. We went into a real estate office near the Collegedale Village Market, and met a lady who said she would be happy to show us what was available in the area. We told her what we were looking for, and she took us around to all the current listings in our price range, but nothing we saw appealed to us.
 
The lady, Jane Dye, was very friendly and asked a lot of questions about our family. When we mentioned that our son, Don wanted to attend the chiropractic college near Atlanta, she seemed especially interested, and told us that she had a beautiful daughter near his age that she would like Don to meet. I took that with a giant salt crystal, but I hadn’t realized how serious she was.  
 
Since nothing we had seen in Collegedale interested us, Jane took us into another little town nearby, known as Ooltewah. The town part looked old and rundown. We weren’t impressed. You said you wouldn’t want to live in a town like that, because it had a silly sounding name, which you couldn’t even pronounce. In our future, this was another statement which would come back to haunt us.
 
We were getting nowhere finding any houses that we liked. We had looked forward to being near where Carol and Glen lived, but now we learned that Glen had decided to finish his nursing degree on the Florida campus. Carol was starting to pack in preparation for a move to Florida.

We needed to get Connie registered if she was going to school in Tennessee, so that was presenting another problem. Christi and her friend suggested, that since they lived in Collegedale, we could go ahead and register her, and she could stay with them and start the school year while we made arrangements to come up. It sounded like a plan.
 
We decided we would give our house one more chance to sell by owner. If we had no luck by the time we were ready to move, we would put it in the hands of another Realtor. So we ran the ad for another month. You took Connie back to Tennessee to get her registered, and I stayed behind to answer the phone, in case anyone wanted to see the house.
 
I still had the job with the medical supply company. September 10 was my last day to work, since I planned to join you in Tennessee at the end of the week. It was also my birthday. It was one I had been dreading because it was the year I would turn fifty. The office gave me a surprise birthday party which was also a good-bye party.
 
When I got home that day, the phone rang and it was a young couple wanting to look at the house. I told them to come on over, not really expecting much. They brought their parents with them. The minute they walked in, they were crazy about the house. They claimed it was exactly what they were looking for. They loved everything about it. The best part was they were pre-qualified for a veteran’s loan for $80,000.

We quickly agreed on the $87,000 for which we had it listed. The parents said they would make them a side-loan for the other $7,000. I called you in Tennessee, and you talked to the father, who knew all about how to handle by-owner real estate sales. We faxed the paperwork to you and you signed. The young people were ecstatic. They even loved my furniture and decorations, but that wasn’t part of the deal. The closing date was set for December. That would give us plenty of time to find something to buy in Tennessee.
 
I was still in shock a few minutes after they left when the phone rang again. This time it was the Realtor who had handled the house before. I let him go on chewing me out for being stupid enough to list the house by owner again for $87,000, when he told us that the house wouldn’t sell for that. When he finished and asked if I was ready to let him list it again, I told him no, because I’d just finished selling for the list price. There was a silence on the line, and then it was obvious he thought I was lying. His final words were, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you. You don’t know anything about selling a house.”
 
There would be more headaches before we got settled, but let me add this one little thing that happened two months later, which likely would have affected our ability to sell at the asking price, or maybe to sell it at any price if it  had it taken place earlier.
 
On October 19 of 1987, the world awoke to what became known as Black Monday. The stock market, which had been running in what was known as a "bull market" since 1982, suddenly tumbled world-wide, losing over 20% of its value in one day. This issued in a panic and a "bear market," which meant buyers would now be extremely cautious about investing. 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 100
Living Like Gypsies

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Since we wouldn’t be closing the sale of our home until December, we decided to leave Don in Metairie, so he could continue working at his construction job and look after the house. We didn’t need to move the furniture because we hadn’t yet found a place in Tennessee. Don was happy with that arrangement because he was dreading leaving his girlfriend, Denise. She was upset because he was going to be moving.

It was September, and Connie had started her year as a Freshman at the Collegedale Academy. Each day after school, she was supposed to walk to the nearby apartment which Christi was sharing with a friend.

Carol and Glen were still packing to make their move to Florida, so you had nowhere to stay. You drove back to Metairie to pick me up so we could go back and find a place to live until the house closed. We didn’t like the idea of Christi being responsible for Connie, because we knew she could be a handful. You had barely gotten back home when we got a call from Christi, saying Connie had not shown up after school. She called Carol in a panic, but Carol didn't know what to do either. It was after dark and they had no idea where Connie was. Of course, we were both worried sick, but we were too far away to do anything other than wait for more news. 

Fortunately, Christi called us back in the middle of the night, saying that Connie had just gotten in. Some girl she had met at school asked if she would like to go to Six Flags, in Atlanta, with her family. We got Connie on the phone and told her not to ever leave again without letting Christi know where she was. We knew the girl’s parents must have paid her way, because Connie didn’t have the kind of money to get into an expensive amusement park.

When we realized that Christi wasn’t going to be able to make sure Connie stayed out of trouble, we contacted the college and learned that there was guest lodging in one of the campus buildings reserved for visiting parents of college students. For the next month, they allowed us to rent a room and bath, and pay for it weekly. We picked Connie up from school each day. Then we got a notice that we would have to be out by the end of October, because it was a special week for parents and all the rooms had been reserved for that week.

Jane, our Realtor, knew a man who had an empty house he would allow us to rent until December, when our house would close. We were hoping to buy a house in the area soon, but until we did, we didn’t want to move our furniture from Metairie. Our solution was to load the van with a coffee table, a couple of chairs, a TV and a  piece of our sectional, which converted into a bed. Luckily, the house had a working kitchen, complete with refrigerator, so we planned to live minimalistically for the last month.

Connie chose to stay with Christi again, since she had a place to sleep there. We soon realized we couldn’t really sleep on the lumpy sofa bed, so we bought a mattress set and put it on the floor of one of the bedrooms. Jane continued to show us houses and we made an offer on one in Chattanooga, but it really wasn’t something we were thrilled with. It already had a contract on it, and we were relieved when the other party bought it.

One Sunday afternoon, we were riding around in a Chattanooga neighborhood when we saw a large two-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac that had an unusual style. They were having an open house. I said, “Oh I love that style. Let’s go look at that one.”

You said, “That's got to be way out of our price range. We can’t afford that. There’s no point of us looking at something we can’t buy.”

“I know we can’t afford it, but it’s so cool. I’d just like to see what it looks like inside. Can’t we at least look since it’s open?”

“Ok, if that’s what you want to do, but I think we’re wasting our time.”

Inside, the house had a large open area with a sunken great room and a 27-foot cathedral ceiling, which featured a stone fireplace that went all the way to the top of the tapered ceiling. The large foyer, dining room, and kitchen were connected with window-like openings into the great room. There was a stairway with landings at the end of the great room that led to a long balcony overlooking the room.

The house had four bedrooms, three full baths, a large pantry, and a separate laundry room. It was finished out a bit like a hunting lodge with rough textured cedar in the great room. The upstairs master suite also had a fireplace,a  deck, and two closets., one of which was a huge walk-in. The house was nicely landscaped. and on a one-acre lot. The two-car oversized garage was on the lower level.

It had been on the market for a while, and the price had dropped from $110,000 to $96,000. It was still above our price range, but we were shocked that it was as low as it was. We picked up a brochure and decided to have Jane make an offer for us. We offered $85,000. The owner came off only $200. We came up to $87,000. Again he countered with another $200 off. It was apparent this wasn’t going anywhere.

 We told Jane to make one final offer for $92,000, and let him know it was a cash offer and it would be our final offer. To our amazement. he accepted it because he was buying a house in Memphis and having to make loan payments on both houses. We set the closing date for the day after our house would close in Metairie.

We had gotten $7,000 from your mom’s estate after the money was divided among five kids and her funeral was paid for. We had enough cash without having to take more from the money we’d gotten when you retired. Jane was ecstatic. We learned it was the first house she’d ever sold, and the fact that it was a cash sale made her assume we had money. Now, she wanted her daughter to meet Don even more.

November rolled around and President Reagan’s second term came to an end. It probably was a good thing because he was still sharp enough to be president, although he sometimes fell asleep during long boring meetings.

Not too far into the New Year, he would announce to the world that he’d been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and so began his long journey that all who get this diagnosis must travel. He had been a favorite president for many, and we would miss him. His vice-president, George W. Bush, won the election, and so the Republican party stayed in control.

I went out and registered with a temporary agency and was sent to the hospital to work, pulling patient files and hanging X-rays for doctors.

Thanksgiving was coming up and you bought a turkey and all the fixings and cooked Thanksgiving dinner. I had to work at the hospital that morning, so you did all the work by yourself. You invited Christi and her friend over for dinner that evening.

When I came home, I was shocked to find a large table of food. You had taken the hinges off of a door and had laid it across two sawhorses you found in the downstairs garage. It was a great feast and it proved that no matter the circumstances, we could still find reasons to give thanks and celebrate.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 101
Moving Day

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

It was December of 1987, and the closing date on our house sale was coming up. We had to go back to Metairie to pack. We could only hope Connie would stay out of trouble until we could return. In the last couple of months, we would learn that she had skipped classes several times. Teachers had mailed notes to our post office box about her poor grades, and that her work wasn’t being turned in. These letters we never received, because Connie managed to get there first and intercept them. She had even gotten her  report card and changed a couple of D’s to B’s. Most of this we were yet to learn.

We decided to move ourselves, in order to save money. You rented the largest moving van available. You and Don did the heavy lifting, while I went out and got whatever boxes I could from stores and even dumpsters. It was my job to pack linens, dishes, clothes and all the loose items. We all fell in bed exhausted each night. It was a blessing we’d had a recent fire, because that left us with less to deal with. On the closing day, we had our van, our car and the moving van stuffed to capacity. Each of us would drive one of the vehicles to Chattanooga.

Thankfully, the closing went smoothly with no hitches. The young couple was so excited to be buying their first house. While you went to make sure our vehicles were all gassed up, Don and I stood in the hallway, locked in a firm embrace with tears running down our cheeks. We’d spent seventeen years of our life here, and we recognized this as the closing of a very long segment of our lives. You returned from your errand, and we each got into our vehicles and started the 7-hour journey toward our future.

It was the following morning when we closed on the Chattanooga house and were able to move into our new home. I had been too tired to sleep and spent the night tossing and turning and trying to arrange furniture in my mind. I had almost decided that there was no way my furniture would work, and that we had made a mistake by buying such an unusual house. Luckily, my buyer’s remorse was all in my head, and everything fit beautifully. The kids all loved the house and everyone, including Christi and Connie, were delighted to claim their own rooms.

Don and Christi took the two downstairs bedrooms, Connie had a room upstairs with its own bath and you and I had the large master suite. We used the large sectional sofa from our den in Metairie in the great room, and there was plenty of room for our living room sofa and chair in our master bedroom.

It was already the 18th of December. I’d not had time to do any shopping and Christi and Don’s twenty-fifth birthday had been the day before, on the 17th of December. Christi was fine with a present of money. Don accepted it, but he was the one of my children who really counted on the traditional holidays he’d always known. I felt bad that we wouldn’t be able to do things the way we had in the past when I’d had time to make the holidays more memorable. Christmas trees were already on clearance sale in the lot at the bottom of our subdivision. Connie insisted that we have a live tree, so you took her down to the lot and let her pick out a ten foot fir.
 
The kids decorated it, but there was very little to go under it. Money was again the gift of choice. In the past, I’d always made sure the children had at least three gifts each to unwrap, and also a big stocking filled with surprises. I told them that they needed to consider the house as their main present this year. They had to understand we were doing our best under the circumstances, but I could feel Christmas was a disappointment.

Christi chose Christmas morning as a time to show her displeasure. She awoke crying, because she wanted to see her grandmother. She had been in Mississippi with her grandparents every Christmas day since she'd been alive, and she didn’t want to spend the holiday in Chattanooga. You told her you’d buy her a bus ticket, and she could go, if that’s what she wanted. She took you up on it. She packed a bag and left that  morning. She came back the next day. I think she realized that being the only one there wasn’t as wonderful as she had imagined it would. My parents hadn't expected company so they weren't prepared.

A few days later, we got a call from Jane, our real estate lady, and she said it was her family's tradition to go around on New Year's Eve and spend a little time visiting with friends. She asked if it would be okay if they came over. She said she’d like us to meet the rest of her family, and she wanted to meet the rest of ours.

On that night, Don said he couldn’t be home, because he was in a friend's wedding, and he had to go to a rehearsal supper that night. It occurred to me that Jane’s hopes to meet Don, and have him meet her daughter, wasn't going to happen.

When Jane arrived, she was with her husband and her other two children. She said she was disappointed that she was unable to bring her daughter, Kimberly, because she was in her best friend's wedding and had to attend a rehearsal supper that night. We had the same excuse for why she wouldn’t be able to meet our son.

And so it was they met anyway. Don came home saying he’d met a girl who was in his friend’s wedding. She was playing the piano and he went over and sat beside her and started singing along with her. He said they were planning to get together after the wedding and go out. It didn’t take us long to figure out who this girl was. He didn’t remember her last name, but her first name was Kimberly.

Sometimes, there is no logical explanation as to why these things happen. You just have to assume it was meant to be.
 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 102
Settling In

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

We were thrilled with our new house. After spending most of our lives living in smaller houses, we now had more room than we knew what to do with. You had all sorts of plans that you wanted to implement. There was a place in the back of the lot where you could put a garden, but first you wanted to fence in the backyard. Our lot backed up to the Chattanooga city line. This meant we would only be paying county taxes and not city, so financially that was a plus.

The right side of our lot was on the Georgia state line. We were in Hamilton County in Tennessee, but just barely. Kids from the Georgia subdivision had made a walking path across our lot, because it was a way into our subdivision without having to drive for miles to the streets that connected the two states. You weren’t comfortable with that, so you wanted to start fencing our lot as soon as the weather permitted.

The first week after we moved in, we met Gloria, the lady who lived on our left. She was very friendly. Her husband didn’t seem that interested in making new friends. He owned an insurance agency and was an official in his church. Gloria was a stay-at-home mom. We learned they were Mormons, and that they had six children ranging in age from the early twenties to around six. The two youngest boys were always out playing in the street, or on our drive with skateboards. One of the girls was Connie’s age. The couple who lived on the other side of us both worked, and we seldom saw them.

Our first winter, the weather was unusually cold, and we had a rare snowstorm shortly after moving in. It didn’t take long to learn that because of our steeply sloping driveway, it wasn’t wise to get out unless it was necessary. Since we didn’t have to be out, we stayed home until the roads were cleared.

We were all delighted with the snow. We had always lived much further south, and a 10-in. snow was a rare treat. The kids and I searched for objects we could use as sleds. Even you and I went down our hillside several times on plastic garbage-can lids. Since we were at the top of the hill, kids from all over the subdivision were using the top of our driveway as a place to launch their sleds.  If they turned just right, they could coast for a quarter of a mile.
******

Kimberly quickly became a regular around our house. When she wasn’t at our house, Don was out with her. She was an extremely extroverted and friendly person. She was almost too outgoing for our family, since we usually were a bit more reserved. She and Christi clashed from the beginning because Christi saw her as a rival for her brother’s attention. Kimberly didn’t seem to like having Christi around when she was with Don. Connie, on the other hand, bonded with her right away.

A few weeks into the New Year, Jane, Kimberly’s mom who was our real estate lady, invited our family over to their house for lunch. They lived out in the country on a small farm. Jane’s husband, Bobby, was an easy-going country-boy type, who drove an 18-wheeler for McKee Bakery, the maker of the Little Debbie products. You and Bobby got along well. Jane talked constantly about everything imaginable. They had two other children, a girl a bit older than Connie and a boy about Connie’s age. Their family were members of the same type church denomination as ours, but they went to a smaller church. We planned to attend the large Collegedale church.
******

Connie begged for a kitten, since we had lost her cat, Panthette, before we left Metairie. I looked in the paper for ads for kittens, but there weren’t any. I found an ad for two Himalayan cats that were only a year-old. They were a male and a female, both neutered, and they came with various items, including a nice enclosed litter box. The owners were moving into a place that didn’t allow pets.

You reluctantly agreed that we could take them. For the first day or so, they hid in unknown spots, but eventually hunger brought them out. They weren’t the kind of cats that enjoyed being held or petted, but they were beautiful. Connie wasn’t that interested in them, because she had wanted a kitten.

On our first visit back to Mississippi, my aunt told us about some beautiful puppies her friend had for sale. All the kids and I wanted a dog. You were reluctant, but in the end, we persuaded you to go look at the puppies. They were Eskimo Spitz dogs, and they were solid white with curly hair. Perhaps we should have taken it as a warning when the grown dogs, which were running loose, seemed vicious. It was all the owner could do to keep them from attacking us.

We came home with one of the puppies, which Connie named Kokomo. Even when he was a young pup, we couldn’t make quick moves around him, or he would snap at us. Since the yard wasn’t fenced yet and the weather was cold, we planned to keep him inside. Connie kept him in her room upstairs, and we put papers down in her bathroom. Unfortunately no one in the family knew enough about dogs to know how to properly train them.

Once, Kokomo ran out on the deck from our master bedroom. You grabbed at him to keep him from slipping through the decking and off the edge. He snapped, and you got a severe bite on your hand.

A few weeks after we got Kokomo, he became very sick and quit eating. We took him to a veterinarian, who diagnosed him with the potentially deadly virus, Parvo. He kept him for several days, and when we got him back, the vet was still unsure if he would survive. He gradually got better, but his temperament seemed less stable than before. We decided the high fever might have affected his brain. You started building him a dog house. You said as soon as the yard was fenced and the weather permitted, Kokomo should live on the back deck.

We had no way of knowing at the time, that this little dog would strike fear in the heart of all visitors to our home for the next eighteen years.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 103
New House, New Projects

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

School started back for the second semester in January 1988. Don enrolled at Chattanooga State in order to take some courses he needed before going to Chiropractic College. Connie went back to Collegedale Academy. I made an appointment with her teachers to find out how she was doing. That is when I learned that Connie had intercepted her teacher’s messages to me, and that she had changed a couple of grades on her report card. For the first time, I realized she had also skipped school a number of times. We were both very upset with her. She would no longer be able to get to the mail because now it would come directly to our house.

We had a serious talk with Connie and took away some of her privileges. She was angry and reacted like a teenage brat. It was the first time one of our children had uttered the words, "I hate you!'  She added, "I can't wait to leave home." She ran to her room in tears. I knew she didn't mean it, but it hurt that she dared to say it. I wondered if we had let her have too much freedom.
********

Christi got a job working as a receptionist for a Japanese chemical company. I found a temporary job doing art work and putting a catalogue together for a shooting supply company. It became your job to drive Connie to school and back each day. She was sullen and didn’t want to talk to us, but you kept trying to get through to her. You were pleased on days you were able to make her laugh. Most of her clothes in those days came from the Gap. They sold a lot of unisex clothes; most of them were loose and didn't look very feminine. It was the style she preferred, but you didn't care for her taste, and you thought she looked out of place around the other students. The girl she chose to hang around with was another student who was often in trouble. 

While Connie was in school, you had enough free time to buy the material for a 5-foot chainlink fence and start your fencing project. The little boys next door must not have wanted their play area fenced off, because they started hiding behind bushes and throwing rocks at you. You told them to stop doing that, before someone got hurt. Their parents found out what they were doing and made them come over and apologize. They were very embarrassed to have to do that, but their parents were determined that their children be respectful of their neighbors. 

It wasn’t long until still another project was underway. Our stairway to the second floor led in three directions. On the second landing, there was a wall on the left that we soon realized was not an outside wall. We figured that it led to a space over our extra large, double garage. Since there was no pull-down ladder to get to a storage space over the garage, you decided it was wasted space and wanted to see what it looked like. This meant cutting a hole through the drywall by the landing.

When you flashed a light into the area, you realized there was wasted space enough to have another large room. We really didn’t need more room, but you didn’t like wasted space. The floor for the area started about three feet higher than the landing, so you got out your drafting tools and designed a way to make three steps going toward the space, and began opening up another room. We had a small hall leading to the three steps up to the new room, and five steps leading up to the balcony on the right.  Along with the sunken great room, we had a multi-level house.

This turned out to be a fun project for everyone. Since Connie was interested in decorating, we put her in charge of the colors and decor. She chose black and white tile, around a 12 X 12 square of black carpet. I found a large, custom-made window at a salvage company that worked well for the back wall. This would be our first window that faced the west. This gave us a view of Lookout Mountain and the city in the distance. Now we had a house with a great view. Don did all the work turning the space into a room while you continued working on the fence.

We all loved the new room. The main problem was that it was not as close to a bathroom as the other rooms were. Now that we had five bedrooms, we had a guest room as well. Connie slept in the new room. Mom was anxious to see our new house, so she came up to visit for a week. Mom loved the house and she had always wanted to live in Tennessee. She didn’t see us quite as often as she had when we lived nearer. Given that she was now seventy-five and Dad was eighty, having us visit them so often probably made more work for her than she needed.
*********

Without us realizing it, Kimberly had started coming over late at night, sneaking around to the back of the house, and climbing through Don’s window. You learned about this one night when you knocked on Don’s door to ask him something, and found he was reluctant to open it. That is when you decided that it was time to put Kokomo in his house on the back deck, which was beside Don’s window. The next time Kimberly came over, she came to the front door. She informed us that Kokomo was a vicious animal and that we needed to put him down.

Kokomo was still a puppy and very much in the gnawing stage. He liked being outside, but he had soon eaten the roof off his house. You repaired it with much stronger material. All doggy toys were chewed to shreds within a day or so. At times when he was allowed inside, he went searching for shoes. How he managed to get them outside without us noticing is beyond me. It was only after we noticed that one of our shoes was missing, that we realized what was happening. By the time we went outside to look, there was usually only a sole left to find.
*******

On Easter morning, Kimberly shocked us by arriving wearing a tight white body suit and net hose. She had a big cotton tail pinned to her rear. She was wearing long rabbit ears and was carrying an Easter basket filled with chocolates for Don. She looked more like a Playboy bunny than an Easter bunny.

Don was always trying to come up with creative and romantic things to do when they were together. One day, he suggested that they get up early in the morning, and go over to Lookout Mountain and watch the sunrise. Their destination was Sunset rock. It never occurred to either of them that Sunset Rock was on the west side of the mountain and they wouldn’t see the sun come over from the east side until after nine in the morning. We all got a good chuckle out of that.
*******

We still had our property in Mississippi, and you had continued to sell timber from time to time. Since it was now twice as far away as it had been when we lived in New Orleans, it wasn’t practical to keep it for weekends and vacations. You and Don had stored the furniture in order to rent the place unfurnished, when a pastor’s family had contacted us about renting it. They only lived there about three months. Someone in the community had started a silly rumor that the place was haunted. This was likely because no one had ever lived there full time. This made the pastor’s wife so nervous, she was afraid to live there.

After the couple moved out, another family with five children rented it. We didn’t charge a lot since it was country property and the family didn’t have a lot to spend on rent. Still, until we made a decision about what to do with it, the rental added a bit to our monthly income. You were still five years away from the minimum age to draw your Social Security.

 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 104
The Shelbys in Motion

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Now that the fence and room were completed, you started getting your exercise by going over to the Hamilton Place Mall and walking every day. You could walk around the mall for as many miles as you chose while staying out of the weather. A lot of people did that. There was a Mall Walkers’ Club, but you preferred to walk alone.

You found a new doctor that you liked. You’d been on blood pressure medicine for several years, but your pressure was high when the doctor checked it. We both have white-coat syndrome, so our pressure was always high when we were checked by a doctor or nurse. I hated that he added more medicine. Once you get on blood pressure medicine, it is almost impossible to get off without throwing your system out of balance.
********

Connie made a lot of friends at school, and sometimes they came over to our house. Some of them came from wealthy families. On spring break, several of them went on a skiing trip to Colorado, and Connie was bummed out because she didn’t get to go. She did join the school bell choir. They made a three-day trip to St Louis, which we had to pay quite a bit of money for. It wasn’t nearly as expensive as the ski trip would have been.
********

Christi gave up her job in order to get back into college. She wanted to live in the dorm, but it didn’t work out, because the loan she got wouldn’t cover that. She didn’t really have time to study, because she was dating several different guys. She was always on a date with someone. She said the reason she wanted to go back to Southern was to meet some decent Christian guys. We couldn’t tell if the ones that came over from the college had superior morals to the others she had been bringing around.  Christi seemed to attract all kinds.

If she didn't have a date, Christi spent time with her best friend, Connie Williams. Sometimes she and our Connie would go over to Connie W.’s apartment and spend the night. Christi and Connie had lived with Connie W. while we were in the process of moving here, so it was like a second family for them.
*******

On weekends when we weren’t at church, we spent time exploring the area. We went up on Lookout Mountain and hiked the trails, and sometimes, we drove over to Lake Ocoee. The area around Chattanooga was beautiful, and it became even more so as Spring arrived. Occasionally, Don and Connie went with us if we were going to one of the scenic spots out of town.
*******

Don had a lot of friends here as well. Some were people he’d known from New Orleans. One guy named David Erwin was a builder here, and Don got a part-time job working with him doing some plumbing work. He also knew friends he’d gone to school with here. On weekends when he wasn’t with Kimberly, sometimes the guys would go rock-climbing, or go into the woods and play paintball. Kimberly resented any time Don spent with his guy friends.

When Don first moved here, he really missed Denise from New Orleans. Apparently she missed him too, because every day or two, she would send a fat letter or a care-package with candy and other things he liked. After a few months, Don was talking less about Denise and more about Kimberly. He couldn’t really maintain a long distance relationship with Kimberly around. Denise called often, and they talked by phone, but Don hesitated about telling her that he’d met someone else.

Don and Kimberly’s voices blended well together, and they started singing in church. Christi had always sung with Don before, so this was another reason she resented Kimberly. Don had introduced Kimberly to Mom when she came up, and Mom thought she was perfect. She was so friendly it was hard not to like her, but we thought she was a bit more unrestrained than other girls he had dated. We kept our opinions to ourselves, because we wanted Don to make his own decisions as to who he would love.
********

My job at Chattanooga Shooting Supply doing artwork was enjoyable, but since it had started as temp job, it didn’t pay as much as I thought I should be making. I applied for a printing company job I found in a newspaper ad and went in for an interview. They offered me the job at a decent salary. I gave notice at the shooting supply company. They didn’t want me to leave and offered me more money. I almost stayed, because the printing job was near a low-cost housing project and was further to drive into the city. In the end, I took the printing job in April of ‘88, because the pay was better.

The first day on the job, I was introduced to Ned, the department supervisor, and another person who worked in the department. Curtis, who did the camera work and pletemaking  was deaf. Ned was learning sign language, but Curtis could make himself understood without it. There were two other people at the time, but one would be leaving. Janice was new and she was mostly there to touch up negatives.

Ned gave me the most complicated stripping job ever. I think he was testing me to see what I was capable of doing. I found out that both Ned and Curtis lived in other counties and their round trips to work were nearly a hundred miles each day. It made me feel better about driving 10 miles to work.

On Friday, I learned that the company was under new ownership when the owner called a meeting. There were about 35 people present, and I learned that 28 employees had recently quit or been laid off. This didn’t sound good. Rumors were that morale at the company was low. The new owner, who I'd met when interviewed, introduced me. He said I had a pleasant personality, but mentioned that I'm a bit on the quiet side.

In a new situation, I have always tended to be on the quiet side. Sometimes, you learn more by listening than by talking.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 105
Spring and Summer of 1988

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

It was getting close to April 15, and the deadline for filing our income tax was approaching. In past years, you always started bugging me early in the year, but this year you hadn’t mentioned it. I wondered if you had forgotten. I hated doing it, and I always waited until the last minute anyway. I was starting to think maybe I should say something. Then, you shocked me when you asked me to sign it. For the first time ever, you had decided to read the instructions and do it yourself. This was a load off my mind. You did it every year after that.

I was very busy at work, and I'd learned that I would often have to work overtime to meet deadlines. It was  my second week to work, when I got an unpleasant surprise. Connie had mentioned that there was a fire in the girls' bathroom at school. The fire department was called, and the school was evacuated. I had no idea that she was involved, until we got a call from the school saying she was suspended. You had to go and pick her up.

Her story was that she and a friend were in the girls’ bathroom and the friend wanted to melt the end of her eye makeup. She asked Connie to hold a lighter while she lit some paper. The paper was about to burn her hand so she dropped it in the garbage can. Connie claimed they thought the flame was out, when they left and went to chapel. When questioned everyone denied any knowledge of what happened, until the truth came out.

The school board was going to meet to determine if the girls would be expelled, or how long the suspension would last. You were very upset with her, and you told the vice-principal that we couldn’t believe a word she said. It was the middle of the following week before they called. They said Connie could return to school. They charged her a twenty-five dollar fine. She paid it off with babysitting money and jobs she did for us around the house. She cried and admitted she had brought all the trouble on herself, but she claimed that leaving everything she'd ever known behind, when we moved to Tennessee, contributed to her problems.

She wasn’t the only one in trouble. Christi had bounced a bunch of checks with her bank. She kept borrowing money from us and was never able to pay us back. I think her main focus was on finding a special guy. In those days, she was interested in a guy named Mike, who lived in Nashville.

On Mother’s day, Carol and Glen came for a visit. On Sunday we took the van and went to Fall Creek Falls. It is a beautiful area north of us, with a spectactular waterfall. Christi brought Mike, Connie brought a friend from school named Valerie and Carol and Glen came. Don and Kimberly had other plans. On Monday, Carol and Glen had to leave to go back to Florida.

After dating Mike for a while, Christi started having second thoughts. He stayed with us several times when he came down from Nashville, and everyone liked him. Christi went to Nashville to meet his parents. Then, she started finding faults, as she she usually did with guys she dated. She said she liked younger guys, and that it looked like he might be losing his hair. She wasn't sure he was the right personality type for her. Her relationships never lasted very long. She always found a reason to sabotage them. 

School was out for the summer, with Connie making terrible grades on everything except P.E. She failed algebra and made several D’s. She wanted to go to public school in the fall. She had met some people who attended the Ooltewah public school, and she thought she would make better grades there. Christi made B’s on the college subjects she took, and Don did well on the courses he took. He needed to take an organic chemistry course in the fall, and he hoped to get into chiropractic college in January. 

Connie was getting some babysitting jobs from David Erwin, who was raising his little girl alone. David was someone we knew from New Orleans. He was divorced. Don had worked with him, but I think they may have fallen out over something, because he wasn’t working with him anymore. David acted as though he liked Christi, but I don’t think she was interested.

Two of Don’s friends from high school had been married and were divorced, so Don was having second thoughts about whether he wanted to even date. He started doing a lot of things with his friend, Bruce Gibbons, who he had gone to school with in Mississippi. Bruce lived in Chattanooga now, and he came over often. Sometimes, he spent the night. At one point a friend from New Orleans paid Don to come and sing at his wedding. He did three songs.

 In May he decided to break up with Kimberly. She was very upset, and kept coming over to talk to me. She wanted to see if I could help her figure out how to get back with him. By July, they were back together again without me getting involved. They bought season passes to Six Flags in Atlanta. Don entered a contest on the radio and won an all-expense-paid trip to Las Vegas for two, plus $1,000 in spending money. In August, he and Kimberly took the trip. He claimed they didn’t sleep together. Maybe we were naive, but we wanted to believe that. 

Chattanooga celebrates Riverbend Festival every year. Riverbend Festival is a week long extravaganza, where music celebrities and comedians perform on various stages. There are many food vendors, and there is a big fireworks show on the river the final night. Since my company printed the tickets, I got free tickets at work, and you and I went a couple of nights. It was hard to find a parking place, but I thought it was a lot of fun.

You got busy trying to make a garden. It wasn’t easy because our yard was filled with rocks that you had to dig out of the ground. You worked so hard that you lost about 17 pounds. You started complaining a lot and worrying about your health. You thought you had a heart problem. At one point, I took you to a walk-in clinic, but they did a thorough exam and couldn’t find anything wrong. I felt like you were overdoing it by digging rocks and stressing out over Connie.

Valerie, Connie’s friend from school, was a bad influence. Valerie was a bit on the wild side, and according to Don, he had heard both Connie and Valerie had bad reputations. That really had you upset. Connie was constantly getting into trouble and having to be grounded. She was angry with us most of the time. Valerie’s parents were going to Florida for a week, and they invited Connie to go. Carol said if we’d let Connie come, she and Glen would pick her up, and she could spend some time with them. We thought Carol might be the influence Connie needed, so we let her go. 

We looked into a learning center that was pretty expensive. We thought maybe Connie could make up for some of bad grades she had gotten during the school year. The price for the center was $75 for the initial test,and then $25 per hour after that. A teacher worked, one on one, with the student, and they guaranteed they could help improve a student's grades. The test showed that Connie scored high on reading comprehension, but at about an eighth grade level in math. She started going there once a week.                  
                                                                                

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 106
Further Teenage Trouble

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Connie continued going to the Learning Center once a week, and her grades there were all A’s. The teacher claimed that she was very intelligent. She was doing as well in math as any in other subject. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder if all this praise had to do with the $25 per hour the center was getting for a private tutor.

When school started, we did allow Connie to go to public school, mostly because we were almost embarrassed to send her back where she got into trouble so often. Her grades were better here, but we wondered if perhaps the public school standards weren’t as high as those in private school.

One day, the teacher from the Learning Center called and told us that she would like to see Connie tested by a psychologist. She felt Connie was suffering from Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD, which is often associated with hyperactivity. There was no doubt in our minds that Don suffered from that. He was never tested because when he was in the lower grades, it wasn’t something teachers were focused on. Connie’s teacher gave us the name of a psychologist, and we made an appointment. We were given many forms for the two of us to fill out, as well as Connie. 

The day came for the testing, and he interviewed you and me separately. Connie was with him for over an hour. We waited anxiously for the results. When we got them, we were shocked and disheartened. His conclusion was that she did not have ADD. She was a juvenile delinquent. He added that if things continued in the way they were going, she would soon be in trouble with the law.

No! Not our child. We had done our best to raise her right. She was no law-breaking juvenile delinquent. We didn’t believe that for a second. Connie seemed shocked herself when she learned what the man had said.

Connie was making friends in the new school. Now, instead of you driving her to school, she was catching a school bus on the corner and she had one friend in the neighborhood in her class. The girl’s name was Danielle. Halloween came and Connie asked if she could go over to Danielle’s house and watch a movie with her. We said she could go, as long as she was back home early.

Around ten, we got a call from the Sheriff’s Department saying that we should meet him a couple of streets over from ours, because he had our daughter in custody.

It turned out Connie had lied to us. Valerie, the girl from last year’s private school, had picked the girls up. Valerie’s boyfriend, who was older, had bought liquor. Later, Valerie put Connie and Danielle out on the street and Connie was drinking from a cup, but Danielle had a beer. When the Sheriff drove by they tried to hide what they were drinking, and he stopped them. He could smell the liquor on Connie’s breath.

We went over, and it was a bad scene. Danielle’s parents were there as well. Her mother was crying and her dad appeared drunk. He was demanding they take the girls to Juvenile Detention Center and lock them up. He called Connie a little bitch. The Sheriff gave Connie a ticket to appear in court, and released her into our custody. I’m not sure what happened to Danielle, but apparently she had been in a lot of trouble before.

We were so upset and disappointed in our daughter that we didn’t dare express our feelings to her right away. We told her to go to bed, and we’d deal with it later. We were amazed that the psychologist’s prediction had come true within a week. Connie would not be allowed to visit Valerie’s home again.
********

Don and Christi had been having trouble getting work. Mostly, they worked temporary jobs all summer. Christi had decided against going back to school in the fall, and she was trying to sell cosmetics, but she wasn’t having a lot of luck. Her parties kept getting canceled. 

At one point before school started, all of us went down to Florida to visit Carol and Glen. We had been there on my birthday in September. I took the kids to the Disney World Epcot Center on Sunday. You didn’t feel up to it, but the rest of us had a wonderful time. I was sorry you missed it, but at least we didn’t have to stop every hour for coffee.

Carol and Glen were living in an apartment, but they were thinking about buying a lot and building a house in a new subdivision in DeBary, Florida. They would have about a thirty-mile commute to Florida Hospital.

In the fall, Don went back to the University of Tennessee to take the last course he would need before getting into Life Chiropractic College in January.

I’ve been asked to list the names and ages of the family members.
This is Us:
Evan is 59 and a retired Drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 51 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working a new job with a local printing company.
Carol is 28, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 25 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 26 and plans to go to Life Chiropractic College for the Spring Semester.
Christi is Don’s twin and she’s had almost enough hours for a college degree. At present, she is selling cosmetics
Kimberly Dye is Don’s girlfriend. She is a nurse and is living in an apartment and working at Valley Hospital.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is fifteen. She is in her second year of high school.
Others mentioned in this chapter are Valerie and Danielle.  Both are Connie’s friends.

 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 107
Melancholy Personalities

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

On November 8th of 1988, the country elected its 43rd president. George H. W. Bush had been Reagan’s vice president, so it was no big surprise when he was elected. He ran against the Democrat candidate, Michael Dukakis. Presicent Bush chose an Indiana senator, Dan Quayle, as his vice president. Quayle had a way of putting his foot in his mouth when he spoke, so the media was giving him a hard time.

Since Connie was grounded most of the time, some of the boys she had met at school started coming over to see her. We were okay with that, as long as they sat in the great room and watched TV. You took Connie to her Juvenile Court hearing. She was fined $65 which you paid, and she agreed to work it off. In addition, she was required to do 25 hours of community service, cleaning a Baptist church. Her friend, Danielle got 75 hours of service, because it wasn’t her first offense. They told Connie if she stayed out of trouble, the record would be erased when she turned eighteen.

She started the community service right away, and she didn’t seem to mind it at all. She really liked the people she was working with, especially the man in charge. She indicated that maybe after it was over, she’d be interested in volunteering and continuing to work there.

However, it wasn’t the last time she got in trouble with us. It happened just before Thanksgiving, when Carol decided to spend Thanksgiving with us, and she flew to Atlanta. You drove there to pick her up. It was Connie’s last day of school before the Thanksgiving holiday.

Connie claimed she had to stay late at school to pick up trash, and when she called home, you’d gone to pick up Carol. She called a boy in our neighborhood named Willie to come and pick her up. I’d met Willie, and he was a spooky-looking seventeen-year-old, who had dropped out of school. I didn’t like Connie hanging around him at all. When she got home, she was so drunk she couldn’t walk straight. She said the kids at school had been drinking vodka, which they thought wouldn’t reek of liquor. 

She went straight to the bathroom and started throwing up. She was extremely nauseated. Carol tried to talk to her, but she was so exhausted that she finally went to sleep. We hoped she had learned a lesson. She seemed very remorseful and not nearly so cocky.

We all went to Mississippi to spend Thanksgiving with our families. Your family seemed to be having their share of troubles. Maxine’s son, Chuck, was getting a divorce, because Allison didn’t love him any more and Helen’s son, Jimmy, was getting a divorce from his third wife.  Maxine’s other son, Gary, whose wife, Cindy, was two months pregnant, but she had all kinds of health problems and would likely lose the baby. Everyone seemed depressed. We weren’t the only ones with problems.
******
On the Friday after Thanksgiving, Connie and I went to Hattiesburg, Mississippi and met our best friends from New Orleans, Diane and her daughter Lesley. It was fun spending time with them. Both Connie and Lesley talked us into buying them expensive name-brand purses from an outlet there.

The following Sunday, you and I took Carol back to Atlanta to catch her plane home. Even our married daughter had her issues. Carol gave me her journal to read. She said it would help me to understand her better. After reading it, I realized that she was a very deep person. She seemed to have such intense emotional struggles. Abstract and spiritual things were more important to her than the concrete, day to day things that occupy most people’s thoughts. She'd had a real struggle trying to learn to love Glen. It made us wonder if their marriage would last over the long haul.

Our children all seemed to be plagued with that black demon, depression. I think that is the curse of a melancholy personality type, which was more likely inherited from your DNA than mine.

I’ve been asked to list the names and ages of the family members.
This is Us:
Evan is 59 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 51 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working a new job with a local printing company.
Carol is 28, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 25 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 26 and plans to go to Life Chiropractic College for the spring semester.
Christi is Don’s twin and she’s had almost enough hours for a college degree. At present, she is selling cosmetics.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s girlfriend. She is a nurse and is living in an apartment and working at Valley Hospital.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is fifteen. She is in her second year of high school.
Others mentioned in this chapter are Valerie, Connie’s friend, Maxine, Evan's sister, her sons, Chuck and Gary, Helen, Evan's sister, 
mer son, Jimmy, Diane, my friend from New Orleans, and  Lesley, Connie's friend from New Orleans.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 108
From One Year Into the Next

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Shortly after Don returned from taking Kimberly to Mississippi to meet his grandparents, he had a wreck in his car, and Connie was riding with him. He took a curve too fast and ran into a tree. This was before seat belts, and Connie got a bad bruise on her forehead. We were thankful that neither of them was hurt seriously.
*******

Carol called, all excited, because the house she and Glen were having built in Debary had been framed in. They were looking forward to having a home of their own and were planning to buy new furniture. Since they had so much going on, they weren’t going to be able to come home for Christmas, so we were disappointed about that.
******

Christi kept bringing new guys over to our house. All of her jobs since she got out of school in May had been short-lived, but she seemed to have acquired a guy-friend who she could date from each job. Most of them weren't around long enough for us to catch their names. The ones I remember included Walter from Red Food Store and Donnie C. from Southern.

She still liked a guy named Jay from California. He was someone she had dated when she went to school for one year in Texas. She had visited him when she flew back from Australia to Los Angeles. 

Then, there was the guy she met when traffic came to a standstill in a tunnel, and she managed to stall her car.  She embarrassed herself with him when she knocked on his window and said, "Sir, would you be able to jump me?"

He gave her a strange look and said, "Uh..Excuse me, Ma'am?  She blushed and asked if he had jumper cables. That seemed to be enough of an introduction for her to find a potential boyfriend. They dated quite regularly for a while. We just referred to him as the "tunnel guy". The house was always full of flowers from these guys, but after a few dates, Christi would pick them apart, and decide they weren’t what she was looking for.

She met one guy when she was visiting Tammy, a friend she had gone to school with in Mississippi. Steve was very good-looking, and she fell hard for him immediately. Tammy warned her not to get involved with him, but she wouldn’t listen. He was visiting from Florida, and Christi decided he was the one. At one point she invited him to come and visit her in our home, because she wanted us to meet him.

When he came to visit, you and I immediately knew there was something that didn’t feel right about this guy. We couldn’t really put our finger on what it was about him that so turned us off. He seemed like a sleazy salesman. Both of us instantly disliked him, although we tried to be polite until he left. Christi ignored what we said and was constantly on the phone with him. It wasn't long until she was planning to move to Florida to be near him. She claimed he was begging her to come.

He was staying with his sister, and the sister got on the phone with Christi and told her that he was still married, although he claimed to be divorced. He had a child in New Jersey and was in trouble with the law, probably for not paying child support. She said he was no good and Christi needed to leave him alone. She cried and said she was so in love with him and begged to talk to him. This went on several months, and she even got his ex-wife on the phone and talked to her. Finally he stopped answering the phone when she called, so we were thankful for that.  She cried a lot, but we were pretty sure she wouldn’t be grieving long.

Christi kept you upset, because you couldn’t sleep when she was out into the wee hours of the morning. She seemed to think how late she stayed out shouldn’t matter, since she would soon be 26. You told her as long as she lived under our roof, it would be by our rules.  In late November, Christi finally got what should have been a permanent job, if she could keep it. We hoped with a steady income, she would find an apartment and move out.  

So far, Christi was still having money problems and borrowing money from everyone that she would never be able to pay back. The old car we had let her drive quit working in late summer and she did get a cute little blue Mazda.  Even though it wasn't new, it was one of the reasons she was having money problems.
*******

Connie had a friend named Chris Cramer who lived in Athens, Tennessee. I’m not sure where she met him. He had been over here several times and seemed like an okay kid. You talked to his father once on the phone, when he called to see what a long distant phone charge was about. After that you called him "the kid from the Home."

"Daddy, What are you talking about?  It's not `the Home'.  It's Chris' home. He lives in Athens," Connie protested. "That was his daddy you were talking to."

"I don't know that," you teased. "That man didn't say he was his daddy. He said, 'It's hard to keep up with these boys and know why they are making long-distance phone calls.' I figured he was the administrator of the Home."

You liked to pick at Connie and try to make her laugh, so you continued to ask her about the boy from the Home.

Connie went back and forth about whether she wanted to go back to public school for the second semester. It seemed she was quite capable of getting into trouble at either school, but at least her friends at Collegedale Academy weren't in trouble with the law, nor were they drinking after school.  When she begged to go back to the Academy, you thought that we should let her go back, in spite of the expense.  So for the spring semester of 1989, Connie returned to private school. We were relieved that they were willing to take her. 
*******

Shortly after New Year began, Don left for Marietta to find an apartment and enroll at Life College.  Kimberly took off from work and went with him. Don's car wasn't running well, and it overheated with them several times. This would be another expense which he would need to deal with soon. 

The apartment he found was in the home of an older Christian couple.  The apartment was furnished, and they agreed to pay for the utilities and do his laundry for him. it sounded ideal, but it wasn't long before he was complaining that he had no privacy. The lady was always coming into his room to clean it and to pick up his laundry to wash. 

Kimberly stayed over an extra day, because she wanted to go with him to orientation at Life College. Kimberly was not going to stand for Don being so far away, unless he would be able to come home often. With the car overheating, it didn't seem as if that would happen. 

This is Us:
Evan is 59 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 51 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working a new job with a local printing company.
Carol is 28, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 25 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 26 and starting Life Chiropractic College for the spring semester.
Christi is Don’s twin/  She has a new job as receptionist.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s girlfriend. She is a nurse and is living in an apartment and working at Valley Hospital.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is fifteen. She is in her second year of high school.
Others mentioned in this chapter are Christi's friend, Tammy, Steve, who Chrisit thinks she's in love with. Connie's friend, Chris C. 
Other boys' names are unimportant to the story.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 109
Beginning the Year of 1988

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

In some ways the year of 1988 started out better as far as our relationship with Connie. I’d been going to the library and checking out every book I could find on how to deal with out-of-control teenagers, and some of the tips I’d found seemed to be working. I was doing everything I could to stop reacting so strongly to Connie's misbehavior. Dr. James Dobson had advice that resonated with me, and when I tried putting it into practice, my relationship with Connie improved. We actually became friends, and I realized in spite of her acting out, she had a pretty good head on her shoulders.

Since she’d started back to the private school, Connie had been on her best behavior. She was trying to stay out of trouble, and as a result we were being more lenient with her. Her best friend from the academy was still Valerie, which caused us to have some concern, but we couldn’t pick her friends. We let her go to school activities and do other things with Valerie. Unfortunately, she was still having problems with her grades. She made A’s in physical education  and in her creative arts class, but the other grades were pretty much down the tube.
******

We had loaned Don money to get him started in school, but Connie let it slip that he had used it to buy a car. He didn’t want us to know about it. He told Connie that he planned to pay us back when the loans came through, which he had applied for to fund his education. Apparently, this was another kind of classic or expensive model that didn't run. The car he was driving was barely running, because it kept overheating. His track record with cars wasn't good. We could only hope that this car purchase wouldn't end like the huge mistake he'd made by buying the Firebird.
*******

In the middle of February, we had a bout with illness. Your blood pressure was out of control, and I got the flu. It started on Friday, and I was violently sick over the weekend. You were worried about me, so you forgot your own problems in order to take care of me. I went back to work on Monday, but I really felt terrible all week. I had a fever every night. I had to keep taking medicine so I could work. Ned, our department supervisor, had to be out because his father-in-law died, and Janice, the girl who helped out in our department, stayed out all week, because she was sick with the flu. We were snowed under with work, so I didn’t really feel I could be out.
*******

Christi was dating a guy named Frank for the first three months of the year. He was another guy from Australia. He kept her supplied with roses, so apparently he liked her, probably more than she liked him. She was giving us more problems than Connie. She was working as a receptionist for a chemical company every day, but she was also trying to sell Jafra Cosmetics at parties in the evening. She had a dispute with a customer who wasn’t satisfied with an expensive kit Christi sold her.

Christi seemed to be always crying and upset about something, and she would come home and dump her problems on us. Then, she would ask to borrow money, which you usually ended up giving her. I was the one who didn’t want to be an enabler. We played "good cop, bad cop" and my role was always the latter. She wanted to make a trip to California to see her old friend, Jay. She'd gotten into a verbal battle on the phone with my mother, because Mother told her that she had no business going there to see a guy. We agreed with Mom, but reasoning with her got us nowhere.  I just had no intention of financing the trip.
******

By the first of March, Carol and Glen had moved into their new house. They had also bought two brand-new vehicles; a Honda Civic for her and a heavy duty truck of Glen to pull his boat. With both of them working, I guess they could afford that, along with new furniture. They were anxious for us to come for a visit, so we could see their new house.

You had other plans and said you wouldn’t be able to go to Florida. By late March, you had bought a garden cultivator, and you were trying to break up the ground at the back of our lot for a garden. It wasn’t easy with all the rocks in the ground. Besides, there was a huge pine tree that needed to come down.

When spring break rolled around, you asked Don to go to Mississippi with you, You needed to check on our property, and you needed help moving trash and dealing with things we’d stored in a house that was on the property when we bought it. The log house was old and about to collapse. While the two of you were gone, we had a severe storm. Connie slept in my bed one night when the wind was blowing so hard, it felt like the roof would come off. We had a nice long conversation, and I felt like we were getting on better footing.

When you and Don returned, I had a few days off from work, and Don, Christi, Connie and I headed to Florida. Carol and Glen were in Valdosta picking up a boat Glen had left there. Carol rode with us from there, and she guided us to her house.

It was a neatly designed home with vaulted ceilings and an open floor plan. The back of the lot was sandy, and near the St.John River. We all liked it.

Sunday was Easter and Don, Christi, Connie and I headed for Walt Disney world. We'd been to Epcot once, and this was the second time we we were going to Disney World. The first time had been five years ago, and there were things I hadn’t seen before. All the Disney characters had an Easter parade that was fun. The park didn't seem as crowded as it had been before. At least, we seemed to move around faster. No offense, but you slowed us down before, with all your coffee breaks.

The drive home was long and tiring. Don and I took turns with the driving. Christi complained all the way,  because we wouldn’t let her keep the windows open. She claimed she couldn't breathe, even though the air-conditioning in the car worked fine.

Shortly after we got home, Connie got a job she had applied for at an Ice cream shop. I hoped a part-time job wouldn’t make her grades even worse. School would soon be out, and if she managed to pass everything, it would be good for her to have something to do with her summer.

Don’s first semester at Life College was already over, and he passed all of his subjects.  He wasn’t planning to come home right away. He and his friends had a camping trip planned at Stone Mountain in Georgia.

This is Us:
Evan is 59 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 51 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working a new job with a local printing company.
Carol is 28, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 25 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 26 and starting Life Chiropractic College for the spring semester.
Christi is Don’s twin/  She has a new job as receptionist.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s girlfriend. She is a nurse and is living in an apartment and working at Valley Hospital.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is fifteen. She is in her second year of high school.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 110
Money Matters of Concern

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

In late April of 1989, I went to work one morning and learned that my company had decided to lay off a lot more people. Apparently, no one was safe from having their jobs ripped away. The department supervisor of my section, Ned, was one of the latest victims. He had worked for this company for years, and he was quite capable of handling his job. I really liked Ned and got along with him well, without having to worry about him liking me as anything other than a co-worker. He was a decent guy, and he was the only one who knew sign language well to communicate with Curtis. Both Curtis and Janice, the only two others in our department, were both looking for jobs elsewhere.

I believed the only reason the company let him go was because his salary had increased over the years to more than they wanted to pay. Since I was new, my salary wasn’t nearly as much, so I was the only one left who knew how to do the work required for getting jobs ready for the press. There were four or five other people who were also laid off. My job didn’t feel very secure, but I didn’t worry, because I had never had a problem finding a job.

Connie’s friend, Valerie, was hired at Silver Spoon, the ice cream parlor where Connie was starting to work. Connie had another friend named Heather. After she became good friends with her, Valerie got upset, and she and Connie stopped speaking for a while. Since they both would be working for the same company, it was a good thing it was only temporary. There is something about girls that age that makes them very territorial about their other friends. Before the month was up, Connie and Valerie were best friends again.

Connie was on the school gymnastic team at Collegedale Academy. She really enjoyed gymnastics and was very good at it. If she’d started earlier, she might have been able to compete for the Olympics. She had the body type that seemed suited for the sport. The class had their gymnastic show, and we were impressed with her performance.

When Connie’s school semester ended in May, she passed all her classes except Spanish. She had given up on that several months before. She was trying a little harder to improve her grades. One night, she actually stayed up until three in the morning, because she had a science exam coming up.

Kimberly made a trip to New Orleans, and she took her mother, Jane, and Connie along with her. Connie was able to stay with her friend, Leslie, for the week that they were there. Because of the trip, we had to celebrate Connie's sixteenth birthday early. Kimberly went there to learn a new technique for playing piano. Kimberly could already play well, but this involved learning to play by ear. Kimberly thought she might want to teach this technique to others.
******
Your sister, Helen, wasn’t doing well. We weren’t sure what was wrong. She had suffered with the flu, but she didn’t seem to be getting better and ended up in the hospital. She had a minor stroke. She claimed that she nearly died and saw herself going through a tunnel toward a light. She said it seemed so peaceful that she would never fear dying again.

Your brother, Rhomas, came to visit us in February. He hadn’t been able to work for quite a while. After he and Shirley split up, he bought a house and moved to Newton, where your mother and Helen lived. He’d had a heart attack and gone through bypass surgery. He had spent his time without a job, growing a garden. Since he was a project engineer by trade, jobs he had only lasted until the project was completed. He had finally found work again on an engineering project in North Carolina. This meant he would be out of town for most of the year. He didn’t know it at the time, but this would be the last job he would ever have.

Your younger sister, Nan, and her husband, Richard, paid us a visit, as well. It was the first time they visited after we moved to Tennessee. They stayed overnight and headed for the Smoky Mountains for a camping trip. After their trip to the mountains, they came back to our house and spent another night. You and I were the only ones in the family who could get along with Richard.

Richard’s cocky personality clashed with so many people. I thought he was an interesting person, even if he was a know-it-all. He wrote a weekly fishing column for the Gulfport newspaper, and Nan told us that he had written a detective novel, although he was never able to get it published. He and Nan were both involved in Little Theater, and their son, Kelly, had starred in Oliver Twist.

Richard insisted on cooking supper for us after they came back from their camping trip. He made a spaghetti supper, and his sauce was delicious. We had a pleasant visit with them, but later something happened that wasn’t so pleasant. Their visit was in April, but a few months later we got word that Richard had lost his job. When Carol found out, she wanted to help. Often Carol had to work on the weekends and wasn’t able to go to church. Missing church in order to work made her feel that this money wasn’t hers to keep, so she put that money back to use for helping others.

We learned that Nan and Richard were in Chapter 11 bankruptcy, partially due to their son, Kelly, who was a couple of years older than Connie, having had a wreck without being insured. The other problem was that they had never learned to manage money. They lived with Richard’s father, who had supported them until he died. Nan had been a music teacher, until the school discontinued the music program. After that, she taught in elementary school for a while but had given that up for an accounting job.

Richard had spent a fortune on a sailboat and an antique car which he showed in car shows. He also had a room full of model trains, expensive cameras, computers, tropical saltwater fish and many other kinds of luxuries. In the past, they had asked us to lend them money which amounted to thousands, which they were never able to repay.

When Carol learned about their problem, she decided she wanted Nan to have the money, which she was holding to help others. She didn’t want Nan to know it came from her, so she asked you to send it to her, as if it came from you. You tried to call Nan at her job, so you could send it there. It was then that you learned that Nan had lost her job as well. Knowing how you were always willing to help your family, I asked if you had added to the money Carol gave you. You became irritated with me for asking and told me that you didn’t want to talk about it.

It really bothered me when you did things that you didn’t want me to know about. You had given both Nan and Helen money before. without telling me. It seemed to me, since I was the only one working and our son was having some serious money problems himself, at least we could discuss things like that before you acted. You accused me of being stingy with money, but you finally admitted that you had sent Carol’s money and had added several hundred dollars of our money, as well.

I admitted that I was extremely conservative with money. I never bought anything unless it was on sale. I put off visits to doctors and dentists because of the expense. We never ate at expensive restaurants, and I drove out of my way to save a few cents on gasoline. No matter how tired I was, if the opportunity arose, I worked overtime, because you were still too young to draw Social Security, and I was afraid that what we had in CDs wouldn’t last as long as we would need it.

You had always pinched pennies yourself. I think you felt guilty for being able to retire at 56 and live in a nice house. We had a great relationship, and we didn’t disagree about many things, but more than anything else, I had a problem with the side of you that wanted to keep me in the dark about anything that I might have a problem with. 

This is Us:
Evan is 59 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 51 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working a new job with a local printing company.
Carol is 28, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 25 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 26 and starting Life Chiropractic College for the spring semester.
Christi is Don’s twin/  She has a new job as receptionist.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s girlfriend. She is a nurse and is living in an apartment and working at Valley Hospital.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is fifteen. She is in her second year of high school.
Other mentioned are Evan's sibblings: Helen, Rhomas, and Nan.  Richard, is Nan's husband.
Valerie, Heather, and Lesley: Connie's friends. 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 111
Looking Back on 1989

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

In June of 1989, we were shocked to see on television what was playing out in Beijing’s Tiananmen Square. We had been aware that China was going through some changes, and that students had been protesting there since the spring. However having other things occupying our lives, we paid little attention. Some time around the fifth of June, we found ourselves riveted to the TV while watching the horror playing out on the screen. The Chinese Communist government was attempting to crush the protests. We watched as one man stood in front of the moving tanks, defying them to run over him.
 
It was estimated that a million people were demonstrating against the government and many of them were students from nearby colleges. By the end of June, the Chinese government claimed that 200 civilians and several dozen security personnel had died. No one really knew how many. Estimates ranged from hundreds to  in the thousands. We later heard that approximately 10,000 had died. There was a time when we only heard about these things after the fact, but this was the beginning of a time when many terrible things were brought to us live, by way of television.
**********
 
When Connie went to New Orleans with Kimberly and her mother, Jane, they came back through Newton and spent the night with my parents. Connie may have been embarrassed to have other people visiting her grandparents, because she was rude and ugly to Mom and Dad. Mother was crying when she told me by phone that Connie hated her. She said Connie tried to make her look stupid in front of her visitors. Connie had never been as close to Mother as the oder children had been. She came home saying Mom hated her and was mean to her. I knew how Mom always goes out of her way to impress company. Some of the worse spankings I ever got from her, were when I corrected her in front of other people.
 
Just before Connie and Kimberly left to go to New Orleans, Connie had been crazy about a guy named Scott J. Then she met another guy named Lenny P., and he was calling her all the time. She met him through a girl she worked with at the ice cream parlor. They went to a party at Lenny’s house and before it ended, Scott was sitting in his car, sulking and shedding a few tears. Apparently, it was over with Scott. Lenny was cute and drove a nice car. He lived with his mother and sister in Mountain Shadows, which was a ritzy subdivision with some very expensive homes.
 
Lenny was a senior at Ooltewah High School. He was clean-cut and dressed nicely. He was different from Connie’s usual taste in guys. Most of the boys she’d liked in the past had driven junky cars, had worn Mohawks or ponytails and had holes in their jeans. They smoked or drank and probably did drugs, so Lenny was a welcome addition to her collection of friends. When we were introduced, he was very polite.
********
 
You and I celebrated our thirty-third anniversary in June. We went to a movie and had dinner at a nice restaurant. We also went to the Riverbend Festival. Jerry Lee Lewis was supposed to be the headliner, but he was a no-show. Ronnie McDowell and Susie Bogus came instead, and they put on a good show. We had free tickets, so we went back again on the final night and watched the fireworks. Connie went with Lenny, and Don and Kimberly went together. Christi went with some guy named Allen who had been introduced to her by friends. Allen was part Native American.
*********
 
Your sister, Nan, called and asked if you would send her another $1,000. She and Richard were both drawing unemployment, and she was getting paid for being the music director for a church. This time, I got upset with her for having enough nerve to ask for more. At least, you didn’t keep it from me. You told her that you would need to talk to me about it. You weren’t happy about her asking for more either. You told me I could write to her and explain why we couldn't afford to send more right now. You read my letter, and said it was okay to mail. We both felt bad, but at least we weren’t fighting about it. She wrote back and said they didn’t need it any more. I’m sure she blamed me.
 *********
 
In other news, Kimberly decided to move to Georgia near Don’s college and to get her own apartment. She planned to get a job as a nurse at a hospital in Marietta, Georgia. Christi was still working as a receptionist, but she decided she wanted to take a class and learn to be a massage therapist so that she could eventually start her own business.
 
Connie got fired from her job at the ice cream parlor. She had been letting Lenny come over and help her clean up the place before she left at night. Management found out and fired her, because she wasn’t supposed to allow anyone who didn’t work there behind the counter. She was very depressed, and Lenny kept bringing her roses to cheer her up. She said he was the sweetest boy she had ever known. He was caring, polite and always tipped people for doing little things for him, like bringing groceries to his car.
 
We found out a bit more about Lenny. His parents were divorced and his mother was a department head at the university. His sister was a little older and was deaf, but she was able to read lips and talk. His father was remarried and was a high school principal. He and his wife had a beautiful place on a lake. Both of the children were adopted.
 
Connie had a talk with us about church. She felt that, at her age, we shouldn’t insist that she go with us every week. She said that she was old enough to make her own decisions about religion. We agreed that it was something we shouldn't try to force on people. She had been brought up in church and had been baptized, but she was old enough to make her own choices. We could pray for her, but the decision was hers.
 
Things going on with our children and with your family had caused you to be a bit depressed. It seemed everything was getting to you. Not having worked here, you didn’t really have any friends.  The church we attended was so large that we weren’t getting to know anyone there. Our neighbors kept to themselves. Not having money coming in regularly to you, and knowing I was the only wage earner wasn’t helping. Even though you had money saved for our retirement, you didn’t feel you were supporting the family. I knew you were also worried about what was happening at our place in the country. We couldn’t go back very often to check on things, and we weren’t coming up with answers as to what we should do with the place. I didn’t seem to know how to help you. I didn't want you to feel that I thought I had to work. I tried to assure you that I enjoyed working and only did it because I wanted to.

This is Us:
Evan is 60 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 52 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working a new job with a local printing company.
Carol is 29, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 26 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 27and attends Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin/  She works as a receptionist for a chemical company.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s girlfriend. She is a nurse and plans to move to an apartment near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is sixteen. She has finished her second year of high school.
Others mentioned: Evan's sister, Nan;  Richard, is Nan's husband.
Scott J. and Lenny P.  are Connie's friends. 
Allen is Christi's friend..

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 112
Summer of '89

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Connie continued to spend time with Lenny, and since he seemed to have a calming influence on her, we felt good about her dating him. Everyone seemed to like him. Connie’s best friend, as far as girls were concerned, was still Valerie. We still had our doubts about her influence, but Connie wasn’t giving us as much trouble as she had before, so we kept quiet concerning Valerie.  

Then one day after being out with her friends, Connie came home acting as though her world was unraveling. It seemed that she had broken Lenny’s heart. He told her that he was in love with her, and she told him that she just wanted to be his friend. She had been in the car with him in front of his house, but Valerie had pulled up in her car as well. Connie got out and went over to talk to Valerie. Lenny started his car up and wheeled away so fast that he hit the open door of Valerie’s car and just kept going. Connie said he didn’t even realize he had hit it. They went inside and told Lenny’s mom what happened.

Lenny had gone to his best friend’s house. When he returned, he was crying, and he told Connie he never wanted to see her again. She must have been having second thoughts, because she begged him to call her. He called at 1:30 a.m. and woke us all up. They talked for hours. Lenny was so depressed that his dad made him talk to a psychiatrist. I'm sure it didn’t help matters when the estimate for fixing Valerie’s car door was over $1,000.

Lenny's parents sent him to Nashville to visit relatives and Connie was scheduled to go to summer camp. When she got there, she decided not to stay, even though we had paid for the week. She was about as frustrated and depressed as Lenny. She came back home sick with a cold.
********

Your vegetable garden was producing more food than we could handle, so while I was at work, you got busy freezing some of it. We bought an upright freezer and put it in the garage. The freezer part of our refrigerator was already too full to hold more.

You weren’t feeling well, because you were having trouble regulating your blood pressure, which was causing your heart to race. Even so, one day you took Connie fishing, hoping it would cheer her up. After Lenny got back from Nashville, his folks sent him to Pennsylvania to visit more relatives. I don’t know if they were trying to keep Lenny and Connie apart, but she was certainly missing him. 
*********

We hadn’t seen Don in a while, because he had bought an old Porsche that didn’t run, and neither did his other car that constantly overheated. He decided he wasn’t coming home again until he sold both of those old cars and bought a motorcycle. That wasn’t something either of us wanted to hear, and we tried to talk him out of that idea. Don tended to be accident-prone, and we felt it was dangerous to be on I-75 on a motorcycle. The fact that Kimberly was always there with him was occupying his time and keeping him from missing being able to come home.

You and I decided to go to Atlanta to see Don and bring him home with us for the weekend. He wanted to show us everything, so he drove our car and used up at least a half a tank of gas, taking us everywhere. Some of the places in Atlanta were neat, but you got overly tired. We finally came home. Don was able to go back with Kimberly on Sunday. We learned  that some of his grades weren't as high as he had led us to believe. He was probably going to end up having to be in school longer, to make up a class or two. Don was running out of money, so we gave him a hundred dollars and sent him back with bags of groceries.
*********

Mother called and told me she was going to be making a trip to Florida with her cousin, and she wanted to stay with Carol and Glen while she was there. Mom had never been to Florida before and she was excited about the trip. I called Carol and told them she was coming. Carol and Glen had bought a computer and since we talked last, they'd bought a new printer. Carol was excited about that, because it was more for her use than Glen's.

Glen had also bought a Boston Whaler boat. He always insisted on having the best. He claimed that this boat would never sink, because it was made of material that floats. He and Carol were taking the boat out on the Saint John River which was just beyond their new house. Carol was learning to drive it. Since she'd been married to Glen, she was doing many things she was never interested in before. They were taking diving lessons and swimming with the manatees. 
*********

Things were slow at work, and I decided to take a day of vacation, so that you and I could go to Opryland in Nashville. At first, Connie didn’t want to go with us. Lenny's mother was taking Lenny and his sister out of town, and she was having them go with her to Broadway plays and concerts. Connie  planned to spend the day with her friend Chris T. He was a guy she used to like when she went to Ooltewah High School. We didn’t quite trust Chris. I’d seen some of the notes he had written to her, and they were very suggestive and almost obscene. We told Connie that if she didn’t go with us, she would have to stay home by herself. She decided she would be bored at home, so she came, hoping not to be seen with her parents.

I'm so glad we went to Opryland a few times. It was a very neat amusement park with excellent musical shows. We didn’t know it at the time, but it wouldn’t be around much longer. They tore it down to build the fabulous Opryland Hotel and a big shopping mall.

You and I thoroughly enjoyed all the shows, as well as the rides. Connie acted as though she was miserable having to do things with her parents, but while we were waiting in one of the lines, she saw her friend Shane, from Ooltewah. He was with his parents too. Hopefully, that made her ordeal a lttle less painful.
*********
Christi continued to work as a receptionist and take classes for becoming certified as a massage therapist. She seemed to have no shortage of guys to take her out on dates. Still, she was cursed with an obsession over her looks and refused to believe those who assured her that she was beautiful. She fretted the summer away worrying about a few little spider veins that were showing in her legs, and she felt she could never allow herself to be seen in shorts or a bathing suit. 
**********

The last day of August, Connie went to Collegedale Academy, picked up her transcripts, and went back to Ooltewah High to register for her junior year. Since it would be Lenny's last year there, she definitely wanted to be back at that school. I'm not so sure Collegedale Academy would have allowed her back anyway. Lenny’s mom took Connie, Lenny, and four other teenagers to a cabin near Cades Cove in the Smokies to stay a few days. It was the last big treat of the summer of 1989, before school started back for the fall semester.

This is Us:
Evan is 60 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 52 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working a new job with a local printing company.
Carol is 29, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 26 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 27and at Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She works as a receptionist for a chemical company and is working toward becomming a massage therpist.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s girlfriend. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is sixteen. She has finished her second year of high school.
Others mentioned are Lenny P., Chris T., and Valerie,  Connie's friends. 


 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 113
The Fall of `89

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

When school started in September, Connie was surprised to learn that Lenny, now in his senior year, was in all honors classes, and that he seldom made below an A+ grade. It gave her a greater appreciation of her boyfriend and made her take a little more interest in her own grades. She was convinced that Lenny would be able to do anything he wanted to with his life. She joked that she might have to marry him, so that he could make a living for her. They continued to spend almost all their free time together. Her own grades improved dramatically in everything except history. Lenny assured her that it was only because she had one of the hardest teachers at that school.

Sometimes, when his mom was out of town, we let him stay in our guest room, and on a few occasions with his mom’s permission, Connie stayed there. She and his sister had become good friends. We were concerned that maybe they were together too much, but Connie was so much more pleasant to be around, that we dared not rock the boat. At times when she didn't feel well, he waited on her like he was her personal servant. Connie wasn’t always truthful, but it always sounded like the truth. With our older children, we could always tell if they were trying to pull the wool over our eyes. We found out quickly that Lenny was incapable of lying. As a result, we trusted him probably more than we should have. If asked a pointed question, he would never lie, but we realized that he was still young and capable of making bad decisions.

One of Connie’s friends gave her a kitten. She'd been wanting a kitten ever since we moved from New Orleans. You weren’t thrilled with the new addition and claimed we kept saddling you with animals you had to take care of. I’d thought the two grown Himalayan cats would make Connie happy, but those cats were snobs and not interested in being petted. Connie named the new kitten “Stinky”, which was an apt name since he had a foul-smelling gas problem. She hadn’t had him long when someone accidentally let him outside. He ran away, and Connie’s heart was broken. She and Lenny made signs and put them out all over the neighborhood. Four days later, someone in the subdivision behind ours found him in a culvert. He was half starved, but Connie was thrilled to get him back.
**********
Christi completed her massage therapist training, and went to Atlanta, along with the other students, for the certification test. Unfortunately, only five students out of the large class passed. The instructor, who had never taught the class before, blamed herself for not preparing them. Christi did well with the massage portion, but the written portion required that students know all the bones and muscles in the body. Christi was disappointed and determined to be prepared the next time there was an opportunity to take the test.

Christi had been talking about going to California to visit her friend, Jay, ever since she had returned from Australia, but now she was more anxious than ever to make the trip. Her best friend, Connie Williams, was living there and taking some college courses. Over the past couple of years, Christi had gone out with too many guys to keep up with, but she refused to allow herself to have serious feelings for any of them, until she could see if things would work out between her and Jay.

In those days, calling someone outside the immediate area meant an expensive long-distance phone call. Christi ran up our phone bills by talking for hours with her friends in California. Every time you mentioned needing the money for the phone calls she had made, she would start hyperventilating. One day, it was so bad that she was lying in the floor, inhaling rapidly and insisting that she was dying. You were trying to get her to breathe into a paper bag, and she was screaming that she needed more air, not less. She yelled for you to get away, because you were trying to kill her. She had you so upset, it’s a wonder you didn’t have a stroke. Connie even thought she was dying. Our daughter was a drama queen, and she was keeping our household on edge. We were beginning to suggest that she needed to find another place to live.

She couldn’t find anyone to go to California with her, so she finally bought a ticket and went alone. The plan was for Jay to pick her up and take her to her friend Connie’s place. When she returned from California, she was disappointed that Jay had changed since she saw him last. He and his friends all wore black clothes and dark eyeliner and were into the Goth subculture that started in the eighties. They made fun of Christi because she was dressed too conservatively for them. She did have fun with her friend, Connie. They went to San Francisco and to Lake Tahoe and did other things that she enjoyed.

Don and Kimberly decided to go to Florida to visit Carol and Glen. We didn’t think Don should go, because he was struggling to have enough money to go to school. Because his grades had fallen behind, he wouldn’t be getting any grant money until he could get his grade point average up. He claimed he had to have a break because he was stressing out. Nothing we said could change his mind. They did go down for a few days.

When I talked to Carol later, she was stressed as well. They had had company ever since they had gotten into the new house. She had looked forward to seeing Don, because the two of them always had long, serious talks about deeper subjects than those that interested most young people. Kimberly monopolized Don’s time while they were there, leaving Carol feeling as if she and Glen were being used as a cheap vacation spot.
**********
Looking back, it seems the children were causing our lives to be in constant turmoil, but that was, by no means, the whole story. In some ways, life was better than it had ever been. Without the stress of working full time, you were more relaxed, and the physical side of our relationship also improved. Now that the children were older, we had the house to ourselves much of the time, and once I went through menopause, we didn’t have the worry of getting pregnant. When you visited your doctor, he inquired as to your libido, and you assured him, proudly, that this was one area where you had no problem. 
 
You never regretted having retired early. You and I spent a lot of time sightseeing, after we moved to Chattanooga. We hiked in the area parks and trails and visited all the tourist areas in North Georgia and surrounding towns. There were so many things to see and do. We both loved this area more than anywhere we had lived before. In New Orleans, we rode bikes on the flat streets. Here, there were bike trails that ran for miles on flat surfaces. We enjoyed frequent trips to Gatlinburg and the Smoky Mountains.

Not everything ran smoothly, but you and I agreed on most things. Other than concerns about our children, the main problem, still unsolved, was what to do about our place in the country, in Mississippi.

This is Us:
Evan is 60 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 52 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working a new job with a local printing company.
Carol is 29, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 26 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 27 and at Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She works as a receptionist for a chemical company and is working toward becoming a massage therapist.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s girlfriend. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is sixteen. She has finished her second year of high school.
Lenny is Connie's boyfirend.
Other's mentioned: Connie Williams and Jay are Chirist's frineds who are in California.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 114
The End of a Bang-Up Year

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

The last part of 1989 was a traumatic time for our two daughters still at home. Christi was especially plagued with emotional problems. She was dating someone named Paul, and she thought she was in love for about the fifth time that year. She and Paul were an on-again, off-again couple for several months. It appeared to us that he wanted out of the relationship, but didn’t know how to get away from Christi, who was pushing herself on him and insisting that she be part of his life. She simply refused to let him talk about breaking up with her. She kept writing him letters, showering him with gifts, and not listening to any advice contrary to what she wanted to hear.

We both tried to get her to see a psychiatrist, and get some help, but she simply refused, even though we agreed to pay. She was also having financial problems, and had creditors constantly trying to collect. Every time we helped her get out of debt, she would simply keep charging things until she was in deeper than before. On top of that, she and Connie both were keeping you upset with staying out until all hours of the night in spite of our rules.

Connie was keeping Lenny in turmoil, by taking him for granted. They were together most of the time, but sometimes, she acted as if she didn’t really care about him. Their dates would often end up with both of them in tears, and then they would be back together, talking about getting married when they both finished school. Connie was too immature to know what she wanted.

She and Lenny and two of their friends applied for work at Toys R Us. Everyone was hired except Connie, and she felt humiliated by being the one rejected. The other three had had more work experience than her, but nevertheless, she was depressed. Something else happened within a few days that caused Connie even more pain. A boy on the street behind us, who was a friend of Connie’s, committed suicide. He wasn’t getting along well with his parents, and he decided to enlist in the Army. Jason changed his mind after they had accepted him. The military was unwilling to release him just because he’d had a change of heart. Jason’s answer to this quandary was to kill himself. He told some of his friends his plans, but they were unable to stop him.

Don got a job working nights with a facility in Marietta that cared for troubled boys. This meant he wouldn’t be able to come home on weekends, and he would have less time to study. Carol had written him a long letter telling him he needed to think carefully about whether or not he should marry Kimberly. She thought Kimberly was a person who was too much on the surface to relate to Don’s deeper nature. She indicated she’d had second thoughts about her own marriage, and she regretted not listening to Don, when he tried to talk her out of marrying Glen. The letter came too late.

Don was already too involved with Kimberly. and he felt he should share everything with her including Carol’s letter. Carol was upset when she learned he had let Kimberly read it. Not long after he and Kimberly started dating, he’d shared a letter from Denise, the girl he was dating when we moved from New Orleans. Kimberly got on the phone and told Denise to back off, because Don was dating her now.
******

You and I did a bit of traveling in October. We went to visit Carol and Glen, and they took us out on the new boat. We spent the afternoon going up the Saint John River all the way to Jacksonville. We also went to Daytona Beach while we were in Florida. In late October, we went to North Carolina and visited The Biltmore Estates, which has a magnificent mansion built by the Vanderbilt family in the 1890s. It took six years to build, and is the largest single family home in America, with 250 rooms. The grounds also contain a large barn, a winery and an arboretum. The fall colors were at their best while we were there.

We had company as well. All of your siblings came up and spent a couple of nights with us, before they continued on to South Carolina. We spent the day showing them around Chattanooga. Rhomus drove and Maxine, Helen and Nan were thrilled to have some time with family. Nan left Richard behind in Gulfport.
******

Some things happened during the year outside of our family that were worth remembering. On October 17, San Francisco experienced a 6.9 earthquake that collapsed roadways and caused over $5 billion in damages. Sixty-seven people died and 3,800 were injured. It was also the year the Berlin wall came down, the first GPS satellite went into orbit, and the World Wide Web came into being. It was the year that brought us Seinfeld and The Simpsons, as well as The Little Mermaid.
*******

There was still more drama that would take place in our own family before the year’s end. Carol and Glen had gone to Glen’s parents for Thanksgiving, but they planned to be with us for Christmas. We didn’t get the Christmas tree until the 17th, and Connie got busy decorating it. Two days before they were to arrive, at 3 a.m., our fire alarm woke us up. The one sounding the ear-piercing alarm was in a room we had closed off, and it was unheated since no one was using it at the time. The temperature had fallen to 5 degrees F. below 0, which is almost unheard of in Chattanooga.

You suspected it was the extremely low temperature that set off the alarm, rather than a fire, but you shouted to me, “Beth, run downstairs quick, and make sure nothing is on fire, while I see if I can get this thing to go off.” 

In my state of being only half-awake, I dashed out of the room, close to panic. I made it down the first two tiers of stairs, but four steps from the bottom, I stumbled and ended up in a heap on the floor with my ankle twisted beneath me. I could only whimper like a baby. It took a while until you could get me back up the stairs, so I could dress for the trip to the emergency room. We went to the nearest hospital, which was one with the smallest emergency room. Only one doctor was there. A car drove up as we arrived, with a man who was having a heart attack.

The nurses put me in a wheelchair, and informed us that the doctor was needed for the other patient, so there would be a wait. We arrived at 4:30 a.m. and at 10:00 a.m. they decided to x-ray my ankle and determined that it was broken. The doctor was still working with the other patient. By 12:00 noon, I’d had no breakfast or lunch and was getting anxious to have something done about my situation. I leaned forward to peer around the corner to see what was taking so long, and I slipped from the wheelchair as it scooted backward. Again, I crashed to the floor. This time I got some attention. Nurses and aides came from every direction. They were all trying to pick me up. By the time I got back into the chair, the poor guy with the heart attack had passed away and the doctor was finally free to check my ankle.

After looking at my leg, he declared we would need an orthopedic surgeon to set it. However, the one they used was in surgery and I’d have to wait. At 3:30 p.m. my ankle was finally set and in a plaster cast by the rudest doctor I’d ever met, but that is another story.

To shorten this one, I'll say that I had to do my Christmas cooking with my leg in a cast. The day after Christmas, Don, Kimberly, Glen, Christi, Connie, and Lenny decided to go to Gatlinburg and go snow skiing. Carol stayed home with us and she and I put a jigsaw puzzle together. Glen came back, having broken his ankle on the same side as mine while skiing. The year of 1989 ended with my son-in-law and I sporting matching casts.

This is Us:
Evan is 61 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 52 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 29, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 26 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 27 and at Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She works as a receptionist for a chemical company and is working toward becoming a massage therapist.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s girlfriend. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is sixteen. She has completed half of her junior year of high school.
Lenny is Connie's boyfirend. He is a senior at the high school  Connie attends
Other's mentioned: Paul is Chirist's latest boyfiend. Jason is a friend of Connie's
Evan's Siblings: Rhomus, Maxine, Helen, and Nan


 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 115
Another Bang-Up Beginning

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

I started the year of 1990 in a leg cast from my tumble off the stairs, and you started it with a terrible cold.  Getting in bed with that cast made me feel like I was sleeping with a tree. It was even worse dragging it around at work. By the fifth day of January, the doctor cut it off and put me in a boot. After that, my ankle healed fairly quickly. Glen didn’t fare nearly as well with the ankle break he got while skiing.

Carol told me, by phone, that Glen got a saw and cut his cast off. After a couple of days, he had to have another one put on. He wore it a week before cutting it off. At the end of January, he was on his third cast, which he cut off as well. Carol told him, “We’re not paying for another cast, even if you have to go through life as a cripple.

Since Glen's dad was a doctor, and he was studying to be a nurse, you would have thought, he’d have known better. Months later, Glen was still going to a specialist with a leg that wouldn’t heal properly. The last cast they put on was fiberglass, something he couldn’t get off as easily as plaster. It finally began to get better by the end of May.

Christi was dating a guy name Allen. At one a.m., the second week of the New Year, we were awakened by someone pounding on the front door. Christi and Allen had parked on our extremely steep driveway. They were kissing, or something of that nature, and failed to realize the car was not in gear. It rolled backwards, off the drive and down a hill toward our neighbor’s house. Several trees stopped the descent. You were forced to get up, in spite of having a fever, and try to help the young man get his car back on the drive. You tried attaching a rope and pulling his car with our car, but the only thing you succeeded in doing was waking up the rest of the neighborhood with the loud revving of the engine. Christi’s date spent the rest of the night on our couch. It was the next evening before he could get someone over with a tow truck to pull his car off our neighbor’s trees.

New Year Day, Don and Kimberly came in from Atlanta. Don had bought Kimberly a kitten and her Mom wouldn’t let her bring it to her house. Kimberly had to leave it with us, because she was afraid her mom would kill it. Don had a new metal detector with him. Lenny and Connie got excited about that, and they all went outside looking for treasure. What they found was a few rusty nails.

The week before school started back for spring semester, Lenny and Connie went to Florida to visit Carol and Glen. They talked Don into letting them take the metal detector with them. Carol and Glen took them out on the boat, and they also went to Disney World. Then, Connie and Lenny headed to the beach with the metal detector, but they never made it there. They were in a bad wreck. The cops gave the ticket to the driver of a car full of older people. The driver had made an illegal turn in front of them. Connie didn’t have her seat belt on, and she got badly bruised, especially on her forehead and face. Lenny’s car, which he’d bought just before Christmas, was totaled.

The insurance didn’t want to pay, because everyone in the other car claimed it was Lenny’s fault. Glen was very unhappy about Carol having to loan them her new car to get back home. Glen insisted they park it, once they got home. There was an extended hassle with the insurance company, but eventually they did pay, and Lenny got more than his car cost him originally. The insurance repaid Lenny’s dad, who had paid for Carol to fly back to Chattanooga to pick up her car.

A week later, Don had a wreck in Atlanta and totaled his car. The cops gave the ticket to the other guy. It was the same story as Lenny had just gone through with the insurance company, because the guy who hit Don claimed it was Don’s fault, in spite of cops thinking otherwise. Don was forced to rent a car. He also had to give up his night job. He needed the time to study for his classes. His student loan was reinstated after he brought his grades up, but he didn’t get as much as he’d hoped. He was having to use the loan money for living expenses. Kimberly was putting pressure on him to propose, so they could get married in the summer.
*********

Connie and Lenny both got jobs at T.J. Maxx, although Lenny was still working part-time at Toy R Us.  Connie was able to start a savings account. She and Lenny were together constantly. When they studied, they were either at his house or ours. Her grades improved dramatically, so we didn’t complain. On spring break in April, she and Lenny made another trip to Florida to visit Carol and Glen. On this trip, they met most of Glen's family. Carol went with them to Sea World. They also went boating and swimming in the St. John River.

Connie and Lenny went to the prom together in April. I shopped with her for a very expensive prom dress. Connie claimed the prom was dumb, but the experience of dressing up, riding in a limo, eating a fancy meal and all that went with it, was exciting. She told us that afterward they went "cow tipping", but we didn’t buy that story. I think "cow tipping", like "snipe hunting", is a pseudonym for whatever else kids do after proms. I think the kids all got together and rented a hotel room for the night. That didn't go over well with you.
******

Christi thought she wanted to be a chiropractic assistant and do massages if patients wanted them. The first chiropractor she was interviewed by, kept her only a week, but she got a job with one who lived across the street from us. He didn't pay as much as she’d hoped, so she was having second thoughts about whether she wanted to work there.

She met Tim at a party. He happened to be the son of Ned, my original supervisor at the Printing company where I was working. Ned was the department head that the company laid off. Christi and Tim began dating. He enjoyed a lot of outdoor sports that didn’t interest Christi, and he was very interested in politics. I couldn’t see that relationship going anywhere. She didn’t like being around his friends, which was another deal breaker. I imagined Tim's dad probably warned him against Christi, because Ned was aware that Christi was giving us fits at home. I’d never expected the two of them to meet.  
*******

You sold some timber from our place in Mississippi.  After getting bids, you sold the trees for $13,500, which certainly helped with our living expenses. You used some of the money to get our house painted. The exterior was made of Western Cedar which had been left to age naturally. When we bought our home it looked fine, but over time, it had darkened in spots. We decided a coat of paint would help. I was also having car problems, so some of the money went for that.
********

The past Christmas was the first year, we'd not gone to Mississippi for Christmas. We finally made a trip there in March and celebrated a late Christmas with Mom and Dad. In April, Mom and her cousin Marabeth came to Chattanooga and stayed with us a few days. I took them to Gatlinburg and to the Smoky Mountains, since neither of them had ever been there. They were in awe of the scenery.
*********

In early April, you hurt your knee trying to climb off our back deck onto our steep yard. You could have gone around, but this was a shortcut to your garden and you’d done it before. This time, your legs were already sore from a long hike we’d taken the day before. For several weeks, you limped around, unable to straighten your leg without pain. The doctor sent you to an orthopedic surgeon. He told you that you’d torn a ligament and that you needed surgery, which could be done as an arthroscopic procedure with only small incisions. You put it off until late May. When you finally had it done, your blood pressure was sky high from nerves. They had to work for a while to get the pressure down low enough to proceed. The doctor cleaned out the torn ligament and some arthritic damage, and sent you home on crutches to heal. We hoped you'd would be walking in time for a wedding, if Don got around to proposing.

This is Us:
Evan is 61 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 52 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 29, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 26 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 27 and at Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She works as a receptionist for a chemical company and is working toward becoming a massage therapist.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s girlfriend. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is sixteen. She has completed half of her junior year of high school.
Lenny is Connie's boyfirend. He is a senior at the high school  Connie attends
Others mentioned: Allen is Christi's latest boyfriend. Tim is another possible boyfriend, and the son of Ned, who I worked with at the 
printing company.  Marabeth is my mother's first cousin.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 116
Don Pops The Question

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

After your surgery from the torn ligament, you worried more about your health. Your blood pressure ran extremely high, while I was at work. You called me, thinking you might be about to have a stroke. I was at a critical point on a job, and I couldn’t get away. I told you to take a couple of aspirin, drink some water and lie down. My advice helped bring the pressure down, but you resented the fact that I didn’t rush home right away. Your leg was swollen and giving you a lot of pain, but you wouldn’t stay off of it. You kept limping out to the garden and working. You said the doctor said you needed to exercise it.
********

Don had decided to ask Kimberly to marry him, but our son couldn’t just ask. He had to do something in a big way. He sent away and bought a ring. It was gold, but he didn’t have money for a diamond. He could only charge $500, so the ring he got had a huge stone, but it was a faux diamond. He said Kimberly could exchange it for what she wanted. When he showed it to me, I was shocked. “She isn’t going to be happy without a real diamond. Why didn’t you just get a small stone for now? She’ll know you can’t afford a real diamond that large. I hope you plan to tell her it isn’t real.”

His plan involved a hike to the top of the Chimneys, which is the tallest mountain in the Smoky Mountain National Park. He told her, “It’s a hard climb, but we have to make it all the way to the top. Your life will change forever, when you get to the top.”

Kimberly was expecting some earthshaking spiritual experience from the view at the summit. The problem was a storm was brewing. Don kept pushing her, insisting they reach the top. The storm broke just as they reached the end of the trail. Lightning struck a nearby tree, and rain came down like the floodgates of Heaven had opened. The lightning and thunder was so loud they both thought they were going to die, as they stumbled, slipping and sliding, toward a lower level. It could have been an omen, but Don had gone too far to back down now. Soaking wet and shivering from the cold, Don got down on one knee and proposed.

Don was thinking maybe Christmas would be a good time for a wedding. Kimberly wanted to get married right away. They finally compromised on September. She apparently believed the stone was real and proudly displayed it to all her friends. Kimberly began planning the wedding right away. Actually, I have a feeling she'd been planning it all her life. A few days after he proposed, she had already bought her wedding dress.
*******

Connie and Lenny were celebrating their one year anniversary from the day they met. He bought her a very pretty little gold ring with a pearl and two stones. Connie was on cloud nine. Her seventeenth birthday would be coming up soon, and Lenny had found the perfect little red car that he thought we should buy for her, since we’d promised we’d look into helping her get a car when she turned seventeen. We’d passed other cars on to our older children, but this time, we didn’t have one to hand down. You tried to get the price down, but the owner came down only slightly. Connie was willing to use a $1,000 of her own money. The car was a stick shift, and right away, Lenny started teaching Connie how to drive it.

For the second year in a row, Connie didn’t want to celebrate her birthday with family. When she turned sixteen, she was in New Orleans with Kimberly. This year, she and Lenny took off to Florida again, to stay with Carol and Glen. Carol seemed to enjoy their visits, but I’m not sure how Glen felt about it. Lenny showered her with gifts again, giving her Estee Lauder perfume, a Liz Claiborne purse and a pair of dress shoes.
******

All three of our cats had a bad infestation of fleas. The Himalayans had long hair and it was hard to get rid of the fleas with the usual treatment,  or with flea collars. We treated the house, but I decided to dip the cats. I mixed the treatment, and as expected, they freaked out, thinking I was trying to drown them. I dipped Stinky and then Tiffany, the female Himalayan. It wasn’t easy, but I did manage it, without getting severely injured.

Then I tried to dip Mr. Mister and got him in up to his neck, when he suddenly turned his head and sunk his teeth into my arm. I turned him loose and grabbed my arm. He took off, leaving a trail of water, and slipping in it, as he fled. I was afraid to look at my arm, because it felt like he’d bit though an artery. When I finally got up the nerve to remove my other hand, which was clamping it, there were four deep puncture marks in my arm, but it didn’t bleed very much. You insisted that I  get a tetanus shot. I won’t ever try dipping cats again. There has got to be an easier way.
******

Christi was without a job again, and she was trying to draw unemployment and do massages on the side. She’d printed up a list of all the last chiropractor’s patients and had me help her make a brochure advertising her new business. Her massage teacher loaned her a table. A guy named Pete, who owned a vitamin shop, had offered Christi a little room at the back of his shop where she could do massages. Christi had developed a major crush on Pete, and she kept going over there and flirting with him. He seemed to be trying to keep everything on a business level. He lived with a guy who Christi believed was just a roommate. I thought Pete was probably gay. Christi refused to believe someone so handsome could not be attracted to girls.
******

Connie was going to summer school and taking a history and math class. Those were the two classes she had a hard time with in eleventh grade, and she wanted to get a head start for her senior year. Lenny’s mom insisted that he go to Indiana for a few weeks to help out an uncle who needed him. Connie was lost without him. She didn’t know what to do with herself when he wasn’t around every waking moment.
*******

Kimberly wanted to ask Connie to be one of her bridesmaids, but Don told her that she couldn’t do that if she wasn’t going to ask Christi as well. She decided that she would have Connie and Lenny at the door to greet people and later light the candles. She would get Christi to sing. It sounded like the wedding was going to be a large one. Jane, her mother, asked that you and I help out with the expenses. We agreed that we would, but I’d assumed Kimberly and her family would pay for the wedding, and we would be responsible for the rehearsal supper.

If we'd only realized what would happen at that supper, we might have preferred to pay for the whole wedding instead.
This is Us:
Evan is 61 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 52 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 30, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 27 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 27 and at Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working toward becoming a massage therapist.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s girlfriend. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is sixteen. She has completed  her junior year of high school.
Lenny is Connie's boyfirend. He has just graduated from the school Connie attends.
Others mentioned: Jane is Kimberly's mother. 

 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 117
A Rehearsal Dinner Debacle

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

On the Fourth of July, Kimberly arranged a family picnic at a local park for both families to get better acquainted. Of course, we already knew the Dyes. It was Jane who had sold us our house, and her plan from the beginning was that our children would meet and hopefully marry. Our families had dined at each others' homes on several occasions. Evan and Jane’s husband, Bobby, got along well.

By the middle of July of 1990, wedding plans were well underway. Don was busy rounding up friends to be groomsmen from as far away as California. Rick was a former classmate, from when he went to college in Texas. It was decided they would have five attendants each, including the maid of honor and best man.

The wedding date coincided with the one year anniversary of their best friends’ wedding. It was also an odd coincidence that Don’s best friend from Southern and Kimberly's best friend from high school had married each other. At their wedding, Don and Kimberly were part of the wedding party and sang a duet. Ironically, Kimberly had managed to catch the bridal bouquet, and Don had nabbed the garter thrown by the groom. Traditionally, this meant the two of them would be the next of guests to marry.

Since I worked for a printing company, Kimberly put me in charge of having the programs, shower invitations and maps to the church printed. She had me and my daughters constructing pink taffeta roses, which would contain bird seeds to toss on the newlyweds as they departed. The traditional good-luck rice was reported to kill the birds.

As the wedding grew closer, Kimberly and Don found a picturesque little church in a beautiful mountain setting. The church was in a rural area of Georgia, which was hard to find without a map. Don wanted the two of them to leave the reception in a hot air balloon. I was thankful when he was told the balloon couldn’t go up from that location, because of the trees. Instead they hired a man with a beautifully restored A-model convertible to drive them away.

Kimberly’s colors were dusty rose and cream. Jane and I were told that we must buy our dresses that matched those colors. The seamstress made dresses for Connie and Christi from patterns Kimberly picked. Connie’s dress was long and even prettier than the bridesmaids' dresses. Christi’s dress was tea-length. She would be one of the register attendants, and she and her friend, Jack, would sing at the reception. We rented tuxedos for you and Don. Don’s was white and yours was black. You tried it on and practiced walking. You were pleased that you could finally walk without limping. It had been a long struggle, involving many doctor visits, to get your knee back in shape.

I attended one of the wedding showers at Kimberly’s house, and Jane made sure I knew what gift was expected of me. She also informed me how much money we should give the couple as a wedding gift. I thought it was a bit tacky, that she told everyone what they should buy and even hand-printed it on each invitation. I refused to do that on the invitations that I sent out to friends and family.

We decided that I would host the rehearsal dinner at our house. I assumed there might be twenty or so people, so we would have the meal buffet style, since we didn’t have a table big enough. Our house was large, but we’d never had over twelve guests before. My mom and Carol arrived a couple of days before the wedding. I had the whole house spotless, because I was afraid the overflow crowd might be in every room. At the last minute, Kimberly informed me that there would likely be over 50 people at the dinner. She’d invited all her close friends and relatives. I went into panic mode, knowing I had to provide a lot more food. I was expecting everyone to begin arriving around six in the evening, at which time I hoped I would be prepared for the onslaught.

Instead, Kimberly told most of the young people to meet at our house around three, and they would all go out for a hike. She said  later Don would show movies and slides of their younger years. This came as a shock to me, and added to a further attack of nerves. It didn’t help your nerves any either. You grabbed a coffeepot and a cup and hightailed to our upstairs master bedroom. You’d developed a raging headache, and didn’t care to be a part of all the excitement.

You parked your coffeepot on the dressing table, at the end of our bedroom. While pouring yourself a cup, you managed to knock it over, spilling the black liquid on our white carpet. It didn’t help matters that I was already upset. I started berating you for being so careless. I got some warm water and a bar of soap and hurriedly began trying to clean the carpet. In my rush, I left most of the soap suds still on the floor and dashed downstairs to finish getting the plates and silverware out for the crowd. The great room was already filled with strangers, who Kimberly was trying to introduce.

At that moment, there was an ear-splitting crash and heartrending moan from upstairs. Rushing back up, I found you groaning on the floor, and saying your hip was broken, and you would never walk again. You had stepped onto the warm soapy spot on the carpet with bare feet and stepped from there onto the bathroom tile. You went airborne just before you landed on your bony hip. Don and his friends realized you were in too much pain to attempt to move you. We called 911. In no time there were three police cars, an ambulance and a fire truck mingling with all the other cars which were parked up and down our street.

Since our stairway turned in three directions, a straight gurney didn’t work. The fire truck had a chair-like contraption to put you in. As the emergency workers brought you down, you were trying to be polite and welcome our guests. All the neighbors on our street were outside gawking at the commotion going on at the Shelby house, as they took you away to the emergency room, with sirens blairing.

I couldn’t leave with all those people to feed, so I sent Carol along to see that you got checked in. The verdict was that the hip was broken, and surgery needed to be done as soon as possible. You said, “Not until my wife can be here with me.”

Don and Kimberly said, “Mom, you’re not missing our wedding, and we can’t call it off.”

This was Saturday evening. The surgery had to wait. It was scheduled for Monday morning, after the Sunday afternoon wedding. You would have to lie there all weekend with a broken hip, while I continued to be a hostess, serve my guests, and then play the role of mother of the groom.

The supper went well, and the crowd eventually left for the church and the rehearsal. Only then could I go to the hospital to be with you. I think you were hurt, because I sent Carol, instead of dropping everything and coming with you. You also thought Don should have called off the wedding and sent everyone home.

I would get no sleep that night, knowing no matter what I did, I would be either letting you down, or my son. The next day I would attend a wedding without my husband.  The wedding would take place as planned.

Evan is 61 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 52 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 30 a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 27 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 27 and at Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working toward becoming a massage therapist.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s girlfriend. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is seventeen. She has completed  her junior year of high school.
Others mentioned: Jane is Kimberly's mother. 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 118
A Wedding and a Surgery

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

I stayed with you at the hospital as long as I dared, knowing I needed sleep before the upcoming wedding. The doctor had given you something to help with the pain. You didn’t look uncomfortable. Knowing how much you hated events, like weddings, in some ways, you probably weren’t too unhappy to miss it. Of course, you felt Don should have insisted on calling it off until after your surgery. You didn’t think they should leave town, until they knew you would be all right. You always expected the worst.

Two of your sisters, Helen and Maxine, called to see how the rehearsal supper was going. Helen almost passed out when I told her about your accident. Maxine let me know they would be coming up to help take care of you, once you got back home.

The wedding was at 3:30 p.m. the following day. The morning flew by quickly. A friend came over to help me with my hair. All too soon, it was time to go. The church was decorated beautifully. There were two huge flower arrangements that Jane asked me to pay for, telling me that I could take them home once the ceremony was completed. Needless to say, nothing was offered to me later, except the invoice from the flower shop.

I was ushered down the aisle by one of the groomsmen. Connie and Kimberly’s brother, Jonathan, lit the candles. There were a couple of solos by Kimberly’s friends. One of the highlights was when Don and Kimberly sang together. The song was Steven Curtis Chapman’s “I Will Be Here.” It was a very pretty ceremony, and surprisingly, nothing went wrong. The reception was in the church’s fellowship room, which was also very decorated. Christi and her friend, Jack, sang for that. Jack and Christi had made several recordings together and their voices blended well. They sang a song that I wrote as a poem, and Jack composed the music.

Kimberly managed to embarrass my mother by smashing cake into Don’s face, and then, seductively, licking it off. It was a pretty disgusting display. As soon as the picture taking was over, and the bride and groom drove away, I left quickly and headed to the hospital. Carol stayed to help with the cleanup, but I learned later that Jane was peeved with me, because I didn’t stay to help with the cleanup as well. 

Don and Kimberly spent their wedding night in one of the train cars at the Chattanooga Choo-Choo and left the next day for Aruba.  They did come by to see you before they left, which I was very thankful for. They also brought you food from the wedding reception, and slices of both bride and groom cakes.  Rick, Don's friend from California, also came by twice before he left to go back home. Rick had visited in our home before, and he got to know us pretty well. He was also a good friend of Carol, since they had known each other in college. He spent a good bit of time with her after the wedding.

I stayed most of the day Monday at the hospital with you. You were extremely anxious to get the surgery behind you, but the doctor had it scheduled for five that afternoon. It went well, when they finally did it. It took 45 minutes to put a metal plate and screws into your hip. The girls and I we were in the waiting room, worrying about what was happening for much longer. After they finished, they put you on the heart floor so they could monitor your heart, because you were having blood pressure problems. You had a roommate who was recovering from gallbladder surgery.

You had a lot of problems in the hospital with your heart racing. I had to take off from work several times, because you were convinced you were dying and needed me there. My boss wasn't pleased with me taking off, so as I was leaving, he presented me with a bill of $78 for the printing I'd had done for Kimberly. On days I didn’t have to take off work, I was there from six in the morning until work time, and then there again after work. You were in the hospital from September 22 until October 1st. I brought you from the hospital lying on the floor of the van. I had to go buy a walker and fill four prescriptions. It took three of us to get you into the house and settled in a downstairs bedroom.

A physical therapist came daily for a while and started working to get you back into shape. Your sisters came and spent a few days with us. When Don and Kimberly came back from their honeymoon, they brought videos of the wedding and more wedding cake. It was the third time people brought you wedding cake, so you didn’t miss out entirely.

Since I’ve only talked about the wedding and your accident lately, I need to say this wasn’t the only thing going on around this time period. Something was happening in Iraq that would bring on the start of the Gulf War, under President George Bush. Kurdish forces in Iraq were revolting against Saddam Hussein. Iraq began an all-out assault on the Kurds. In August, Iraq had attacked Kuwait and claimed it was a part of Iraq. Bush rushed U.S. troops to Saudi Arabia and put together an international coalition, to try to force Iraq out of Kuwait.

Nelson Mandela, leader of the African National Congress, was freed from prison after spending 27 years behind bars. Lately, people who believe in the butterfly effect and shifting paradigms claim that they remember Mandela dying in prison, but for those who don’t subscribe to this theory, history shows he was freed in 1990.  Of course, since you aren't into weird stuff like that, you probably don't even know what I'm talking about.  

A few days after the wedding, Carol left to go back to Florida. She drove Mom to Atlanta and put her on a bus that took her back home without her having to change buses.

As to other things going on in our family, Christi was still trying to get Pete to like her, and she was starting to do a few massages at his business. At one point, she talked him into trying to win tickets to a Richard Marx concert that involved a kissing contest at the mall. He went through with it, and they won the tickets, plus some other prizes. She was sure that meant he liked her, but he told her there was no chemistry, and he was a friend. She still wouldn’t admit he was gay.

The thing that upset us with Christi was that she brought home another cat. This one was a stray, and she turned out to be pregnant. You told her the cat wasn’t allowed inside, so she ended up having kittens in our garage. We told Christi that she needed to take her cats and find another place to live. She was causing a lot of problems with her temper fits and other anxieties.

Connie had started her senior year in high school, driving herself to school every day in her little red car. Lenny began his first year in college at Tennessee Tech, an engineering school in Cookeville, TN. Connie was very unhappy that she was only getting to see him on the weekends. 
 

Evan is 61 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 52 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 30, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 27 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 27 and at Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working toward becoming a massage therapist.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is seventeen. She has completed  her junior year of high school.
Others mentioned: Jane is Kimberly's mother. Helen and Maxine: Evan's sisters. Rick: Don's friend from California.
 

 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 119
The Fall of 1990

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

The first few days you were out of the hospital were rough. I helped you bathe and dress before I left for work, but you didn’t like me leaving you. Christi and Connie were there, so you weren’t alone, but I don’t think they were much help. I did have to take off work again to take you to the doctor, because you were convinced Christi couldn’t handle that job. Your walker folded up easily, so that wasn’t that much of a problem. The physical therapist came every day for a while. You liked him for his witty personality, but you didn’t like the work he made you do.
 
After a week at home, your brother, Rhomas, and sister, Maxine, came up and stayed with you for several days. They took you to the mall, rented a wheelchair, and rolled you all over the place. You enjoyed the company and Maxine made sure you got lunch. You had lost some weight following the surgery. Since Christi wasn't much help in that department, you were starting to have to put your own meals together.
 
Don and Kimberly came back from the honeymoon with pictures of the trip. They had both spent so much money on the wedding and the trip to Aruba, that their financial condition was causing them to panic. They’d both been working as hard as they could to clear up some debts. It seemed that they were exhausted and fighting over everything. We gave them more money than we’d planned since they obviously needed it. Their financial situation was putting a real strain on their relationship. Don shocked us by saying that they had to go away somewhere for a few days to try to salvage their marriage. It was a bad sign to have things go sour so quickly. It didn’t help knowing the money we gave to help with their finances was being used for another trip. In addition to the trip, they’d bought an expensive Chow puppy.
 
Apparently, neither of them knew the meaning of spending only what they could afford. You and I didn’t know how to manage money either, but we learned rather quickly. I still remember when you got paid on Friday, and we were broke by Monday. I can remember owing four loan companies at once, and pawning our watches and a pistol to make it until payday. That got old fast. Common sense kicks in eventually. We never asked our parents for money, but we did appreciate the vegetable care packages.
 
Christi was supposed to be taking a beauty course, but she wasn’t going to class regularly, and when she did go, she took your van. She had decided she didn't want to be a hairdresser, and she wanted out, but she was told if she dropped the course, she would have to pay back the grant money she got in order to take the course. She kept ruining the clutch on her car. She was on her fourth one. It had a warranty, but only the part was guaranteed, so she was driving her current boyfriend crazy, trying to replace them for her. At the moment, he was someone named Lee.
 
We insisted that she do something about the kittens, which the stray cat she’d brought home gave birth to in our garage. She called the TV station and put our number out on the air. The number had barely aired, when a man called and said he’d take two of the kittens. Actually, I think it was the only call we got. When he came by to pick them up, he was on a motorcycle. Christi talked him into taking three of them. I can only imagine how he was able to get those cats back to his place. Cats go bananas when they have to ride in a car.
 
I didn’t see him, but Connie and Christi described him as grungy. He lived on a houseboat. He had a long, dirty-blond ponytail and a scraggly beard. We didn’t realize it at the time but he evidently felt that having adopted our kittens made him a part of our family. It would be a while before we heard the last of this character. He’d barely gotten back to his boat, when he called back to give a "kitten update."  He said they loved their new home. This was the first of many kitty reports. If I happened to answer the phone when he called, he’d call me “Mom.” I was too shocked to correct him.
 
On Halloween, Christi decorated the house and made herself up to look like a witch. When the doorbell rang, she answered the door with a kitten in her hand. She actually got rid of two more of them this way. I often wondered how the mothers reacted to that for a treat. I hoped the kids couldn’t remember which doorbell they happened to ring that night.
 
As the school year progressed, Connie shocked us by suddenly becoming the kind of student we’d always thought she could be, if she ever got interested in school. English was her best subject, and she was making excellent grades in everything she was taking. I wondered if the difference was that Lenny was only available to spend time with her on weekends. She and a girlfriend went up to visit him one weekend. He was in a fraternity, but Connie said his fraternity brothers asked her why he had suddenly stopped wanting to hang around them anymore. Lenny decided, after the first semester, that this engineering school wasn’t for him, and he planned to come back and go to college in Chattanooga for the Spring semester.
 
Connie had  a job at the mall working at a Haagen-Dazs ice cream parlor. She worked for several months, but was finally laid off, and we never found out why. She said her boss's girlfriend didn't like her. We did eventually learn that our daughter and some of her friends toilet-papered the owner’s house on Halloween night. Those kind of things always came to light so long after the fact, that the statute of limitations has passed for punishment.
 
Don was concerned because the instructors at Life College were really pushing the New Age movement. He and Kimberly felt that it went against their beliefs.

The newlyweds were spending the weekend with us, and Connie and Lenny were here. They all got to talking about religion and they were up until three in the morning, still discussing their beliefs. Don said Lenny was really interested. He seemed to be going through some crisis in his life, and he was becoming a more serious person. The next weekend, Lenny didn’t come back to Chattanooga. He said Don got him interested in the Bible and he’d never read it, so he went to the library and checked out a copy. He said he didn’t know there were so many interesting stories in it. I found that strange, because his mother was Episcopalian, and she was even thinking about becoming a minister.
 
Carol and Glen went to his parents in Georgia for Thanksgiving, because he wanted to go hunting. Connie's best friend from New Orleans, Lesley, came up  to spend Thanksgiving with her. We celebrated Thanksgiving early  here on the Sunday before the holiday, so Don and Kimberly could be with us. Lesley flew into Atlanta. Connie and some friends picked her up from the airport terminal.  Lesley was shocked at how large our house was. Our house in New Orleans was much smaller and on a tiny lot.
 
You didn’t go with us to Mississippi for Thanksgiving, because you didn’t think you felt like traveling that far yet. We went in Connie’s car, so she drove. Lesley and Lenny went with us. Lenny had spent the night at our house. When I went in to wake the kids, I was shocked to find all three of them asleep in the same bed. Lenny told me not to worry, because the girls didn’t let him get under the cover, and he nearly froze all night.  Lenny, Lesley and Christi rode in the back seat of Connie's car and teased her about her driving. They started playing a card game, and I think Connie was jealous, because they seemed to be having so much fun.
 
We all spent Thanksgiving night at Mom and Dads' house, and on Friday we went to Hattiesburg to meet Lesley’s mom, Diane. We all ate lunch together at a Morrison’s Cafeteria and went shopping afterward. The kids wanted to go back to Chattanooga, so we drove back Friday evening rather than Sunday. Lenny really liked my Mom and Dad and said he was glad he came.  Mom liked Lenny as well, and Connie was on her best behavior, so she didn't antagonize Mom as she has at times.

You were very happy to see us back two days early.

Evan is 62 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 53 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 30, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 27 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 27 and at Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working toward becoming a massage therapist.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is seventeen. She is in her senior year of high school.
Others mentioned: Helen and Maxine: Evan's sisters. Rhomas is Evan's brother  Lee is Christi's friend. Lesley is Connie's friend from New Orleans. Diane is Lesley's mother and my friend.
 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 120
The End of a Memorable Year

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

On your birthday near the end of October, you reached sixty-two. This was the earliest time at which you could draw Social Security. You had considered yourself retired for six years already, and you weren’t willing to wait another three so you could draw the maximum. Since you had retired early and taken what you had coming as a lump sum, we had lived on that and my salary, plus what you earned from selling your cattle and timber from our place in the country. Since Connie was still a minor, by taking it now, you would be drawing a monthly check for her support as well. That would go a long way toward her college expense.

Your hip was improving, and you graduated to walking with a cane. Your garden, which you’d started in early spring, had gotten no attention during the year after the first surgery on your knee. Before the frost started, you limped out and picked the tomatoes and peppers still on the stalks. The green tomatoes would ripen, so your garden project had not been a total loss.

Another day surgery loomed on the horizon for you. Earlier, your doctor had diagnosed a polyp near your rectum. Now you were scheduled for a colonoscopy. You dreaded it and put it off until the first of December. By the time you got down all the liquid medicine required to cleanse your system, your blood pressure and heart rhythm were out of control. They weren't able to get it to a reasonable level until you had enough anesthetic to relax you. At that point, you fell asleep, and the procedure for the removal of two polyps went smoothly. The doctor informed you that they could grow back, and if they proved to be cancer free, you would need to return yearly to have this done again.
**********

Back in Florida, Carol had taken a course to learn all about computers. Since personal computers were becoming popular, she was setting them up for friends and family and teaching others how to use them. Her husband, Glen, would soon complete his nursing degree, and he’d gotten into a program that would allow him to assist with heart catheters on patients. Carol, who had been working as a nurse with an AS degree, enrolled to go back and get her BS degree in nursing. Since they’d spent Thanksgiving at Glen's parents' home in South Georgia, their plan was to spend Christmas with us.
**********

My mom was thrilled to be doing some work as a sitter for older patients and for people who were convalescing from surgery or an illness. It was the perfect work for her, and she was paid well. Mom should have been a nurse, because she enjoyed caring for others. She had taken in my Dad’s father and had waited on him until he died, and after that, Dad’s maiden aunt, Eva, who lived with them. Mom had been her caregiver until her death, as well.

Dad didn’t like Mom leaving him behind at home. It seemed every time she had to be away from home at night, he would develop a problem. One day, she came in to find that Dad appeared to have had a stroke. Mom said he could barely talk, and he couldn’t walk or dress himself. The doctor diagnosed him with a heart problem. Mom warned us to be prepared to come home for a funeral, because she didn’t think he’d survive. She had to give up her job to take care of him. However, by the next week he was much better and back to normal. I suspected he might have acted sicker than he was, in order to get her to quit her job.
*********

Kimberly and Don rented a townhouse, and you and I made a trip to Atlanta to visit them. Kimberly made a meal for us. Lenny and Connie went to visit them quite often. When Lenny was home from college, he and Connie spent every waking moment together when she wasn’t working. They even started attending church together occasionally. Since everything was going well in her life, we didn’t object to the time she spent with him. She had continued to work at the same job since early summer, and her grades and study habits had improved dramatically. She seemed to have made it through the troubled teen years and was pleasant to be around.

Christi’s life wasn’t going as well. She continued to go out on dates with different guys, but it had been months since she held any kind of permanent job. She was drawing unemployment and trying to do a few massages on the side. She was also enrolled in the beauty school, which she hated, but was forced to continue attending, to avoid paying the student loan back. As Christmas drew near, her unemployment checks were running out and she had no guy in her life that she really cared about. She had a short fuse and was easily triggered into a shouting match with whoever had pushed her buttons.

Knowing we wouldn’t be going to Mississippi until after Christmas, Mom mailed an envelope with money for each of us as a Christmas gift. She’d given instructions that it wasn’t to be opened until Christmas. Nevertheless, Christi opened all the smaller envelopes and took everyone's money and used it to do her own Christmas shopping. Christi was very much into the Christmas holiday, and she enjoyed giving as well as receiving gifts. With her last unemployment check, she managed to put everyone’s money back, except your money and mine. She confessed and promised to pay us later, but we realized that we weren’t likely to ever see that money.

Christmas was a time when I’d always gone out of my way to make it a memorable occasion for the family. You weren’t into shopping, but I made sure everyone got a lot of the gifts they wanted, plus stockings filled with less expensive surprises. This year, Kimberly, Glen and Lenny were added to the family gift list. Since we’d lived in Chattanooga, I had been the one to make the Christmas feast, and it was indeed a feast. In addition to turkey, we had at least a dozen different dishes and desserts. You took Lenny and Connie to the tree lot and let them pick a nine-foot tree, which we all decorated with lights and treasured ornaments that we’d bought over the years. I brought out the Christmas village, the manger scene, the snowman collection, and all sorts of other festive decorations.

Connie and Lenny had attended other Christmas celebrations and received gifts and stockings at his mom’s and his dad’s houses before they even had their Christmas with us. The night before they had gone to a Midnight Mass at his mother’s church and spent the night at his dad’s house. Don and Kimberly had even given them early Christmas gifts, which to my shock, had included a bottle of wine. They were told to save the bottle for when they got married. Everyone seemed to assume they would one day marry, even his parents. I was surprised at Kimberly giving them wine and wondered if it was something she and Don enjoyed. We’d never had any kind of alcoholic drinks in our house. I’m not a prude, but it wasn’t something we’d been brought up with, and our church frowned on it.

Carol arrived from Florida on Christmas Eve. She came alone, since Glen had to work. She brought the ingredients and made egg rolls, which were a big hit with everyone at our dinner. This was one of the best and most enjoyable Christmases we had ever had. Last Christmas, my leg had been in a cast, and at least for me, it hadn’t been much fun. After all the gifts were unwrapped and the meal was consumed, we were all pretty wiped out. I didn’t bother straightening the house, until the next day. I was shocked when I faced the mess that looked as though a tornado had descended on our great room.

We all wondered what the new year might bring. The nation had been on the brink of war ever since Iraq invaded Kuwait in August. President Bush had sent many troops into the area. In December, Iraq agreed to withdraw from Kuwait if the troops were sent home. Bush rejected the proposal, and it looked as though trouble was brewing. Even though no one in our family was in the military, we were still concerned. Military service at the time was volunteer, but should a draft ever be reinstated, there were young men in our family who might be obliged to serve. It was even possible that women might be drafted as well.

Evan is 62 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 53 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 30, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 27 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 27 and at Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working toward becoming a massage therapist.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is seventeen. She is in her senior year of high school.
Lenny is Connie's boyfirend. He is in an engineering college in another town.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 121
Dealing With A Legal Issue

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

I wasn’t sorry to see 1990 come to a close. I didn’t bother making New Year's resolutions, because I seldom followed through for much over a month. The past year had left me exhausted, and we both hoped for a less eventful year. The fact that your health was improving was something for which we were truly thankful.

 

Christi, however, was growing increasingly unhappy. Her twin was now married and getting on with his life. She felt left behind with no job, mounting debts, and a car that was giving her trouble.

Connie wasn't working either. The job she’d had since summer came to an end shortly after Christmas. There was little demand for ice cream in January, and the shop where she had worked was about to go out of business. Since Lenny was now enrolled at a local college, Connie was spending most of her time with him. She resented the fact we still asked her to be home early on school nights. She felt that at seventeen, she was too old for a curfew. At least, her grades were good, and we were very impressed with an interior design project she was working on for one of her classes. This was a field she found interesting, and she was considering it for a major once she started college.

 

I’d been working the same job for a number of years, but I’d never taken anything for granted there. When I started they were under new management, and the people who bought the company knew nothing at all about printing. As a result, the new owner had to hire managers to run the company, and things had not gone smoothly.

It seemed hardly a week went by when someone who had been with the company for years was either laid off, or fired. New people were brought in, and they were often gone within a few weeks, as well. Curtis, my coworker who did the camera work and made the printing plates, had been fearful of losing his job for several years. Since I’d never learned to sign, he and I communicated by writing notes.

When the supervisor called me into his office as the year began, I braced for the worst, thinking it might be my turn. The news was the company had decided to let Curtis go. I found it almost as upsetting as if it had been me, and wondered if he’d be able to find another job with his handicap. He had a wife and child to support.

 

Jack, the new man they hired, was known by some as a difficult person to work with. I’d heard a lot of bad things about him, but he’d been fired from his last job, so he seemed rather subdued when we met. He didn’t seem to have a lot of confidence. Even though he had worked as a department head in the past, he didn’t appear to know a lot about the job and relied on me to help him understand the work we did. He talked constantly and mumbled to himself when no one was listening. I couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for him. He couldn’t even seem to figure out how to punch in on the time clock.

 

Something else was on my mind as the year began. Some time back, Mom had written me that her cousin from Texas, saw something in a Texas paper saying the vaccine company who marketed the DPT vaccine was planning to compensate parents who had lost babies, or had babies become brain damaged from the vaccine. We’d lost Susan, our first child, at two months, five days, after she received the shot. Although the doctor refused to admit the vaccine caused her death, I'd since met two other people who had lost their babies during the same timeframe from the DPT shot. I wrote to the Texas paper for more information but got no answer. Recently, I’d heard again about the program on a radio talk show, and on TV. I wanted to follow up on it, but you wanted me to let it go.

 

Someone suggested I write the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta, which I did. They sent me a box containing about a ream of forms and information but nothing concerning the DPT vaccine. In late December, I’d thought, as a last-ditch effort in order to find out more about it, I would contact a lawyer. The talk show had mentioned that any claims would need to be filed through a lawyer. I tried to persuade you to call and get an appointment but you said, “No, that is history. I’m not getting involved. You do what you want to do, but leave me out of it.”

 

It had always bothered me that doctors insisted the vaccines weren’t harmful, and no one died from them. I felt it would be worth it if I could just get someone to admit it was the vaccine which killed our baby, so I contacted a lawyer's office and made an appointment. I was a nervous wreck going alone, since I’d never talked to a lawyer before. To my relief, my appointment turned out to be with a paralegal. She listened to my story and told me she would need to talk to the lawyer and call me back. You were still not interested in getting involved.

 

When the paralegal called back, it was to inform me that handling those cases was very complicated, and her firm wasn’t equipped to deal with it. In fact, only two lawyers in the state handled that sort of thing. She suggested I call the nearest lawyer who practiced in Knoxville and Maryville. I called him and told him our story. He was excited about what I told him, but he said he was afraid it was too late, because the deadline for filing was near. He said I would need an autopsy report, medical files, and a letter from the doctor saying the vaccine was what caused Susan’s death. “If I were you,” he told me, “I’d be on the next bus back to Mississippi to see if you can get that information. If you can get it, and we can get the paperwork completed, it would be worth it. Parents who win will get $250,000.”

 

“How much would it cost me to have you file the suit?” I asked.

 

“Nothing, I’d get nothing unless you won. If we won the case, we’d get the same amount as you. It’s very complicated. See if you can get that information, and you and your husband make a trip up here, and let’s go over what you have.”

 

When I told you what he said, for the first time, you showed a little interest. I called Jackson and found the doctor's records had been discarded. The hospital record showed Susan had been admitted. I sent money for a death certificate and an autopsy report. I called the doctor and he said he remembered Susan. I asked if he would write a letter. He said he'd try to refresh his memory and would send a letter, but he told me again he was sure the shot wasn’t what caused her death. Within a few days, I'd obtained everything I was able to get from Jackson. I called the lawyer, and he said to bring everything up and let him look at what we had.

Reluctantly, you agreed to drive to Maryville with me. I made the appointment and took off an afternoon from work. We were both impressed with the lawyer. He was excited about our case because the autopsy showed that Susan had developed encephalitis, which is what happened to all the children who had problems from the vaccine. He’d won a previous case for a brain damaged child, and he wanted to go forward with our case, hoping to hear from the doctor later. I didn’t mention we had already received the letter. In it the doctor claimed Susan couldn’t have died from the vaccine, without offering any other reason for her death. I hadn’t really expected him to say anything different. Doctors wanted parents to consent to the vaccine, and admitting there was sometimes a problem might cause parents to refuse it. Since the letter was required, we sort of lost hope without admitting it to our lawyer.

At the time, we had no idea how many years would elapse before there would be a resolution to the lawsuit which we filed that day. Our lives were too filled with more pressing problems for us to spend time dwelling on something so unlikely to be resolved in our favor.

Evan is 62 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 53 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 30, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 27 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 27 and at Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is taking a beauty course and doing a few massages on the side, while she looks for work.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is seventeen. She is in her senior year of high school.
Lenny is Connie's boyfriend. He is a freshman in college and has just enrolled in a local college.
 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 122
1991 As The Year Begins

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

The evening news on the 16th of January shocked us. With the many conflicts the US had been involved with before, we’d seen the devastation brought on by war on newsreels of the fighting that took place days before, but never had we witnessed fighting taking place in real time, on live television, as we watched it that night and in the weeks to come. The Gulf War’s beginnings kept us glued to the TV set.

Today, even as I write these words, we could tune into a news station and watch missiles being fired live into Israel from Palestine, and watch as Israel retaliates. Since those days, we’ve watched planes crashing into buildings, and listened as brave passengers on a plane try to stop the terrorists in the process of crashing the plane they are on into The Pentagon. We’ve seen people beheaded. There have been so many riots and school  shootings on live TV, it barely holds our interest. In 1991, it was something new and surreal. We watched it long into the night and it gave us nightmares. Today our innocence has been destroyed. Nothing shocks us any more, and it is sad to realize that we can never recover the naivete of those days. Thirty years has drastically changed the world in which we live.

That night in 1991, we switched the news from station to station as we watched the war to liberate Kuwait begin. All night, bombs fell in Baghdad. We watched as oil fields burned, and the next day, we were shocked to watch the price of a barrel of oil fall to the lowest level ever. Not long after, Israel came under fire, and we watched as families went into bunkers and wore gas masks. Now, as I remember how unsettling we found the news to be that day, I realize how the things we've witnessed since then, have changed our way of thinking. Then it seemed as if the world was falling apart around us.  Now, we face new challenges, unheard of then. Who knows what the future may hold.

As to what was happening in our immediate family, we got a call from our lawyer saying he had completed the paperwork on Susan’s wrongful death suit. He had the summary of everything that happened, which I had written in detail, plus all of the information we had gotten from Jackson. Even though it was incomplete without a letter from the doctor, he had hired a courier to take it to Washington. The information got to the place it needed to be at eleven-thirty p.m. on the night of the deadline for filing by midnight. It was the last claim to be filed. Our lawyer warned us there was a cap on the number of cases the court would hear. The cap was set at 3,500. Since we were the last to file, it would depend on how many other cases had been filed, as to whether or not our case would ever be heard. He said the process could take several years. This was discouraging, but we had done our best. We needed to forget about it and get on with our lives.
*****

Your hip surgeon dismissed you in January, even though you still had a very slight limp. You also had to have another problem corrected. You’d had skin cancers ever since we met. They appeared mostly on your face or arms. This wasn’t uncommon on fair-skinned people like you. Over the years, we had dealt with dozens of these cancers which kept popping up. Most of them were basal cell, but a few were more serious. You’d had some really severe ones on your ears and nose, but the latest one was too close to your eye to treat by the usual methods of radiation or chemical treatment. It required day surgery at the hospital, in order to remove it without damaging your eye. Thankfully, they were able to get it all with no complications.
******

We felt bad for Christi because she had gone a month with no work, nor were many people calling for massages. She had worked with the chiropractor who was our neighbor across the street earlier in the year, so she called his wife hoping to get a good recommendation. Christi had copied the names and numbers of all the people who went there to get massages, and had contacted them. This was not an ethical thing for her to have done without permission. As it turned out, our neighbor was furious with her. She assured Christi that she would not get a good recommendation from her. Christi cried and pleaded, to no avail. It was embarrassing for us to learn that she had done such a thing. We could only hope she had learned a hard lesson.

She took back all the gifts she got for her birthday and Christmas, in order to have a little spending money. You and my mom both gave her money often, but it was never enough. She started thinking maybe she might be able to make a living in the music business. She did have a nice singing voice and was often asked to sing for church or weddings. She had started going to restaurants and clubs that had karaoke at night. She got her friend, Jack to go with her to sing whenever she could. She booked them into a competition in January hoping to win a chance to preform at the Grand Ole Opera in Nashville. She insisted we all buy the tickets which they had given her to sell, and that we be there to see them perform. In order to support her, you and I bought the $10.00  tickets for the family and we all went. She and Jack performed as well as anyone there, but the winner was the one who sold the most tickets. The whole thing was just a money making scheme for the promoter. One would have to know the right people, or be able to promote themselves in a big way in order to make it in the music industry. She did manage to get a few tapes played on the local radio stations, but any chance of becoming a star was highly unlikely.

In February, Christi finally got a job with a Japanese chemical company in Chattanooga. She would work for them as a receptionist. The job was fifteen or twenty miles from where we lived, so we only hoped she would be able to make it to work on time.

The man that lived on a boat who had gotten three kittens from Christi had continued to call every few days to give Christi updates on the kittens. She was nice to him, but the rest of us avoided talking for long.  We figured he was lonely, possibly a little bit mentally unbalanced, or just wanting to talk to a pretty girl. We hated answering the phone when he was on the line. We hoped he was harmless, but Connie was sure he was up to no good. The black cat that had given birth to the kittens was in heat again, and the yowling could be heard all over the neighborhood. You took her to the vet, and had her spayed, hoping to put an end to our growing cat population.
*******

Earlier in January, Connie and Lenny had made another of their many trips to Florida. Since Carol and Glen were there, this became a favorite hangout when they had a few days away from school.

Later in the month, they had another little adventure. Lenny and some of his friends decided to go rappelling into a cave they had heard about. Connie convinced the boys that she and a couple of girls should go along in case they got in trouble, so they could call for help. Two of the boys rappelled 100 ft. down into a pit that led into a cave. Once they got down, they realized they were trapped in a sub-freezing temperature. Lenny and the girls called for help. The cops, a cave rescue team, two television stations and newspaper reporters all showed up. The rescue team was able to get the boys out. It turned out they were on private land without permission, so they were soundly scolded for doing something so stupid. Connie thought it was a great adventure and was disappointed when she didn’t manage to get on television for being there.

Several days later, Connie was sick. She had caught a cold from getting chilled. Lenny came over and brought her soup and medicine and sat beside her until she fell asleep. You and I were amazed
at how caring he seemed to be.
_________
*Since it would be five more years before we learned the results of the court case, I plan to rerelease a short story I wrote about the case. Be on the lookout, if you are interested in the outcome. The story is called "The Deadline."

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 123
Another Milestone

By BethShelby

I
On my job, even though I enjoyed the kind of work I was doing, things continued to be uncertain for everyone in the company. The morale was low because of poor management. No one felt confident that they would continue to have a job from week to week. Members of every department in the company, from the sales staff and department heads through the maintenance crew were in constant fear of being replaced.

The company president and the general manager were the only two employees who remained constant, but they were the two who kept things in turmoil by always looking for new employees to replace the ones who had been there longer. Those men were under pressure as well, because the owners, who knew nothing about printing, were rethinking their decision to have purchased the company. They were hoping to sell and often brought potential buyers through.

Jack, the guy they had hired recently to head up our prep department, wasn’t working out so well. He was disliked by practically everyone, except me. He’d never given me a problem, because he counted on me to cover for him. He worked extremely slowly, and seemed to have little experience doing the kind of work our department required.

When the General Manager told me that he was hiring him to head our department, he said it was because I had indicated I didn’t want the job as Department Supervisor. I hadn’t exactly turned it down, but I had gotten the impression my taking it would not have meant a higher salary, so I was hesitant. I was also told the company president felt men would be uncomfortable being supervised by a woman. Without having the title, I had been in charge of the department for two years already, ever since they had fired Ned.

The plant manager got so many complaints from the Art department and the press about Jack, it soon became apparent that Jack’s time with us would be short. Jack realized that and spent his days mumbling to himself, angry and upset that he had taken the job. Janice, the only female in our department, got herself fired by complaining about Jack and saying she couldn’t work with him. Janice wanted to be transferred to the bindery, but instead, she was told she had a bad attitude, and they fired her.

Another guy was hired, but we quickly realized that he knew less than Jack about printing. He became someone I had to train in order for him to be of any use to us. He and Jack clashed instantly, and I was caught in the middle as they both came to me to referee the situation.
********

You were worried a lot about your health. Your blood pressure fluctuated, and because you became winded easily, you felt there was something wrong with your heart. In spite of your problems, you kept busy with the garden and other projects around the house. You were never one to be idle, and being retired didn’t mean you sat around.

In March, your brother, Rhomas, brought your two older sisters, Maxine and Helen, to visit us for a few days. I made the meals at night and on the weekend, but the other meals were your responsibility. You were still limping a bit, but you took them around to some places of interest. Rhomas was still hoping to get another engineering project and go back to work, but nothing seemed to be happening for him. He had suffered with heart problems for several years, and his advancing age made it harder for him to find work.
********

Christi continued to work as a receptionist, and it looked as if her latest job might work out. It didn’t take her long to find a new guy, who worked at the Pillsbury factory warehouse next door to her company. She fell hard for him, right away. Her criteria for what she found attractive in guys made no sense to me. They needed to have a lot of hair, be younger than her, and have a baby-face look.

The fact that the new guy smoked and drank heavily wasn’t a deal breaker for her. It didn’t bother her that he was overweight and was a sloppy dresser. It also didn’t seem to matter that he was on the verge of losing his job. As far as she was concerned, Denny was perfect, and at the moment, he seemed to think she was what he wanted as well. We all referred to him as the "Pillsbury Doughboy."

In April, I had vacation time coming, and you and I decided we would make another trip to Florida to see Carol and Glen. Carol had just finished her BS degree in nursing and was continuing to work at Florida Hospital. Glen was working two jobs and he was finishing with his classes as well. They made us feel welcome, but with their busy schedules, they didn’t really have time to entertain company. Glen decided to take us out on his boat. He hadn’t used it in over a year and the battery was dead. We had to wait while it was recharged. On our second day in Florida, Carol had the day off and she went with us to Universal Studios. It hadn't been open long, and it was the first time for all of us. We enjoyed the day, but walking around the park was a real challenge for you.

The last day we were there Carol was working, so Glen took us over to Daytona Beach. Glen seemed depressed, and he opened up to tell us that the schedule he was on was getting to him. He said he never had time to do anything he enjoyed anymore, and that he felt his life was a total drag. He claimed that you and I had a much better life than him. With house payments, two new vehicles, school loans, computers, boats, cameras, and guns, they were deeply in debt which made it necessary for both of them to work constantly to stay afloat.

He and Carol had been married eight years, and it seemed parenting would not be in their future. Glen had never wanted children, and Carol was okay with that. Most of the debt they had incurred was on Glen, because Carol had always been conservative with her spending. I knew the debt situation was weighing on her heavily as well. We were dismayed to realize how bad things were. Carol had always tried to be upbeat around us because she didn't want to worry us.
*******

You’d agreed to give Connie $10 for each A she made on her final report card. She made practically all A’s, much to our surprise. After such a bad start in high school, she finished with a flourish. We were proud of her.

She and Lenny went to her senior prom together. Connie reported that it was boring, and she almost went to sleep, while Lenny spent most of the time telling her friend, James, how to find Jesus. I hate to say it, but Lenny, who had not been raised in church, was far more interested in God than our daughter, who we had sent to Christian academies and who had attended church all her life. We could only hope Lenny's latest interest in Christianity would rub off on Connie and not turn her against him.

Connie's graduation in the City Auditorium was long and boring. Nevertheless, it was another milestone for the Shelby family. Soon all of our little birdies would be leaving the nest.

Evan is 62 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 53 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 30, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 27 and is also a nurse and is presently working two jobs..
Don is a twin. He is 28 and at Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is taking a beauty course and doing a few massages. She has started a new receptionist job.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is seventeen. She is graduating from high school.
Lenny is Connie's boyfriend. He is a freshman in college.
Others mentioned: Rhomas, Helen, and Maxine, Even's siblings.
Jack, Janice, and Ned, printing company employees who work with Beth
Denny, Christi's latest boyfriend.

 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 124
Summer of 1991

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

On Mother's Day, you surprised me with a beautiful gloxinia plant that looked like magenta velvet. You weren’t in the habit of giving me flowers, unless we count the traditional poinsettia plant at Christmas. You knew I didn't care for cut flowers, which start to die right away, but I did love getting potted plants. You also took me out to eat. All of our kids gave me cards and gifts, as well, so it was a nice day.

In June, Connie celebrated her 18th birthday. It was a milestone she’d been waiting for most of her life. I think she assumed it would mean she would be able to do whatever she chose to do, without anyone objecting. She was finding that living under our roof meant we still had some say. Christi was twenty-eight now and we had very little control over her hours, so that made Connie feel she should be able to get away with staying out late as well. She wanted to move out, but financially, that wasn’t in the cards for her just yet.

Since Connie was now eighteen, June would be the last month Social Security would add money to your check for her care. We were saving it in an account for her college fund, but we gave her $300 of it for graduation. With birthday cash and all the money she collected as graduation gifts she wasn’t doing too bad, but she had plans for spending a good portion of it. She and Lenny and two other couples planned a trip to Florida, intending to rent a condo for a week on the beach. They also intended to visit Universal Studios in Orlando. While waiting on the other couple, they were spending a lot of time sunbathing and swimming over on the Ocoee River, which was a little less than an hour away. They also bought season passes to Six Flags in Atlanta, so they weren’t home much of the time. 

Christi was dating Denny regularly, but things weren’t going that well. Christi realized he had some flaws she wasn’t sure she could tolerate. I guess it never occurred to her that she had flaws of her own which she needed to deal with.  As she usually did with her guys, she began to try to remake him into what she wanted in a man. It had never worked before, and Denny wasn’t about to let anyone change him, so they were fighting a lot. He must have gotten rough with her, because she was a bit afraid of him. Denny seemed proud of the fact he once burned down a man's barn, because the man had killed his dog. That alone was reason enough to be afraid, but she wasn't inclined to listen to our opinions.

She told people at her work he scared her sometimes, and she was afraid he might hurt her. Someone left a death threat on her desk, probably as a sick joke. She didn’t know where it came from, so that made for another family drama. No one ever confessed, but time passed with no further threats, and it blew over.
******

In early summer, you and I went to Mississippi to see our parents and to check on our property in the country. Christi was working and Connie had other plans so we went alone. We hoped Christi and Connie would get along and look after each other. One afternoon, Lenny wasn’t around, and Connie was home alone. Not being used to being alone, she was nervous and had all the doors bolted.

The man, who lived on the boat with the three, now grown, kittens which Christi had managed to pawn off on him, had continued to call with what he referred to as “kitty updates.” For some reason, on this day he decided to pay us a visit. When Connie heard his motorcycle drive up to our door, she freaked out. He rang the bell and knocked, but Connie didn’t answer. He showed no signs of leaving, so she went out on the top deck and yelled at him.

I don’t know the exact words she used, but her vocabulary was sometimes more fitting a seasoned sailor than a proper young lady. She told him he'd better leave before the police arrived and not to ever come back or call again, because we all thought he was crazy. We had tried to be polite when he called, but he was such an odd person, and we wondered why he was still calling all these months. It was a little like having a family stalker.  Whatever she said made a lasting impression, because we never heard from him again.
********

By mid-June, Connie and her friends left for their Florida vacation. She called several times and they seemed to be having fun, but when she returned she was in a sour mood. She and Lenny weren’t getting along. She said he had changed and wasn’t the same guy she had fallen in love with. I got the impression she was not pleased with his recent religious fervor. She said they had grown apart and maybe they weren’t right for each other.
 
They didn’t stay apart long. Later on in the summer on Lenny’s birthday, his father and stepmother, who had a nice place out on the lake, called and invited us to their house for a party. They said they would like to meet us. We felt a little awkward, since we’d never met them, but we went. They were a nice couple, but Lenny’s dad seemed ill at ease. The two of you couldn’t seem to find anything to talk about. You asked if the deer head on the wall meant he was a hunter. It turned out he'd bought it at a garage sale. His wife was very talkative and she and I hit it off right away. Both of us were interested in genealogy so we spent some time talking about that subject. She said they liked Connie and always enjoyed having her over.

The following week, Connie began college at Chattanooga State and Lenny started as a sophomore at the University of Tennessee in Chattanooga. Connie and Lenny still planned to spend their leisure time together. Neither of them would be living on campus.

Evan is 62 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 53 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 30, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 27 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 28 and at Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working as a receptionist at a chemical plant and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is eighteen. She is a freshman in college.
Lenny is Connie's boyfriend.  He is a sophomore in college.
Denny is Christi's latest boyfriend. He works in a plant next door to Christi's work.

---

 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 125
Into the Fall of 1991

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

For a while, it seemed as though we had nothing but company. Carol and Glen had taken a trip to New Mexico with Glen’s mom, Margaret. The  family had lived there at one time, and they wanted to go back there to visit. Margaret, especially, had  loved that part of the world. They came back through Chattanooga and spent a few days with us. She was a fun person to be around, and we enjoyed having them. She was a history buff, so we took her out to the Chickamauga Battlefield and to some museums and up on Lookout Mountain.

Dianne and Pat, our friends from New Orleans, came up and spent a few days with us, and we took them around siteseeing as well.  They wanted to go through the Rock City attraction and also do Ruby Falls. You and I spent the day doing those things with them, although it wasn’t our first time.  They were the parents of Connie's best friend, Lesley.  She didn't get to come this time, but they brought their two-year-old son, who you had not seen before. He was adorable.

Your brother, Rhomus, came up and stayed a few days with us several times, hoping to get a job with an engineering firm he’d interviewed with, but although they seemed interested, nothing came through for him.

Connie had friends who came over often. One girl she knew from high school, Leigh Anne, had problems at home. I began to think she intended to move in with us. Her mom was suffering from mental problems, and her dad was having an affair. Leigh Anne didn’t want to be at home, so she was spending the night with us a lot of the time.  Connie had another friend, Amy, who spent some time with us. Amy’s family was wealthy, but Amy had some serious problems. I was shocked when Connie told us that Amy tried to commit suicide.  I began to think maybe our dramas were less serious than most.

Don and Kimberly came from Atlanta often to spend weekends with us. They had been married over a year now. Don still had a long way to go before he would graduate from Chiropractic College.

When we weren’t having company, you continued working with your garden, and Connie had gotten both of us involved in updating the house a bit. This was a time when wallpaper was popular, and we re-papered several rooms, and put down new carpet. We had a fresh stain put on the outside of the house, and reworked and painted the back and front decks. Connie enjoyed decorating and had decided she might want to become an interior decorator. As one of her subjects in college, she had chosen to take a design class.

Christi continued to have her problems. Even though she was working full time as a receptionist and doing a few massages, she was still fighting with the beauty school she had started and then decided she wanted out. They were still insisting she pay the full tuition, whether she completed the course or not. She had managed to get them to put it on a temporary hold several times, even though she didn’t plan to go back.

She was also still trying to date Denny, but he kept wanting to break it off with her. She wasn’t having it. She would get upset and start hyperventilating. He would become worried about her, and agree not to break up. She wasn’t finding her groove in life. She still had dreams of becoming a professional singing star. Recently, she had decided she had ideas for products and she could be an inventor. She couldn’t focus in one direction long enough for anything to work.

Carol had given me one of her journals to read, because she said it would help me understand her better. In it she had written some things which made me very concerned about whether or not her marriage to Glen was likely to last. This was still a time when Carol was extremely religious. She went to church faithfully. Although Glen had been in church most of his life, her complete devotion to God had turned him against the church.

In her journal, she admitted to being very unhappy with him during the first few years. She had visualized a husband who would be a spiritual leader, willing to have deep discussions with her. Glen was outgoing and liked people, while Carol was quiet and reserved. She wasn’t interested in doing the physical activities he liked, even though she’d participated for a while. Glen did go with her to church for a while and even taught a youth class, but she’d criticized some of the things he had told his class. When he’d spoken out in church, she’d told him he should be quiet, because he embarrassed her. She was later sorry, realizing she had hurt him. She felt she had done some damage which couldn’t be repaired.

Carol had finally gotten to the point where she was willing to accept the fact he would never be what she wanted in a man. Glen often brought up a discussion in which he claimed she didn't love him. He admitted, it was hard for him to love her. She didn’t even enjoy the more intimate side of their relationship. They were obviously mismatched. He needed someone to look up to him and do things with him, and she needed alone time. The things she enjoyed were activities meant to be done alone, like reading, writing and computers.

We remembered how unhappy and depressed Glen had seemed when we were in Florida. You told me then, you didn't think they would stay together. Now, I began to wonder how the two of them had stayed together as long as they had. Carol liked his family, and she didn’t believe in divorce, so that might explain it, but it didn’t seem as though this could continue indefinitely.

Carol needed a man more like you. You and I weren’t alike either, but we both needed some alone time. We enjoyed each other’s company, and we could laugh and talk or watch movies together, but we didn’t resent it when either of us wanted to spend time doing our own thing.

Evan is 62 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 53 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 30, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 27 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 28 and at Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working as a receptionist at a chemical plant and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is eighteen. She is a freshman in college.
Lenny is Connie's boyfriend.  He is a sophomore in college.
Denny is Christi's latest boyfriend. He works in a plant next door to Christi's work.
Margaret is Glen's mother.
Rhomus is Evan's brother.
Lesley, Leigh Anne and Amy are Connie's friends.

---

Chapter 126
The Continuing Shelby Saga

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Many things were happening in the world in 1991, some of which I mentioned earlier. For instance, there was the Gulf War, which didn’t really last long. The Soviet Union, which had begun dissolving in the 80’s, was under the leadership of Mikhail Gorbachev. In August, there had been an attempted coup, and Gorbachev was under house arrest for three days. The coup failed, but the Soviet Union officially came to an end in December. Ukraine voted to become an independent country. The familiar flag with hammer and sickle was replaced.

Another thing that ended was Pan American airlines, which had been fighting bankruptcy for some time. Very much like now, there were a lot of mass shootings. An unusual amount of them were among postal workers, so the term “going postal” became a familiar one. There were a record number of severe storms and also fires in California, one of which destroyed nearly 3,500 homes and killed twenty-five people. A man in California was arrested for deliberately setting 2,000 fires.

Camcorders were replacing the old Bell and Howell movie cameras in 1991, and I wanted one. Wolf Camera had a sale going, so I decided to buy one without mentioning it to you.  Even on sale, it was $700, which is more than we usually spent without talking about it. You and I kept our spending money separate, so I used my money. Thankfully, you weren't upset with me when I got around to confessing. 

Connie was doing well in school. Lenny had a job, so he couldn’t spend quite as much time with her since he was in college full time, as well. However, they had decided they wanted to start going to Gatlinburg to go snow skiing when they had free time.  Both of them had bought ski outfits.

For Thanksgiving, we went to Mississippi to visit Mom and Dad. Christi and Connie went with us. When you and I went over to check on our house and acreage in the country, Christi stayed with Mom and Dad, but Connie went with us. She spent an hour or more taking movie pictures with the camcorder to bring back and show Lenny our place in the country. She narrated it as she took every little detail, including a fire ant bed and a hornet nest. It was a neat video. I was glad to have it. 
 
Christi was in a bad wreck on her way to work. It was a five-vehicle pileup with a semi involved. She could have been badly injured, but fortunately she wasn’t hurt and it wasn’t her fault. Her car was still drivable, but badly dented. The insurance company gave her $1,500 for damages. She decided she wanted another car. A new one in 1991 averaged $15,000, but with a little more money she could likely get a good used one.

Christi and her friend Jack started singing at night at a downtown restaurant for tips. It didn’t matter to her that she wasn’t making much money; she loved to sing and was willing to do it for free, if that was what it took to make herself heard. She also contacted the US Patent Office, trying to convince them that she had figured out a way to invent a device to wear on your body which would massage the fat away. That idea didn’t go anywhere.  At least, she still had a day job, although her boyfriend, Denny, had lost his job when the Pillsbury plant moved to Knoxville.

The printing company was still having problems getting someone to work in my department who knew how to do the job. No one they brought in could get along with Jack. We had many try it for a few weeks, before they went elsewhere. Both of the women in the art and typesetting department were troublemakers. They were forever starting bad rumors and backstabbing everyone else in the company. It soon became apparent there would be war between them if they were left in the same department.

The worst offender of the two, Kim, asked to be transferred to my department. So far, I had been able to get along with her, but knowing her nature, I didn’t want her there. The plant manager gave me a small raise and told me I had to train her to work in our department.  I knew for sure this meant Jack’s days with us would be ending soon. I wasn't convinced I would be able to work with her either.

I had some vacation days I needed to take before the end of the year, and once again, we planned to go to Florida to visit Carol and Glen. They were still together, so we hoped more company wouldn’t make things worse. While in Florida, you, Glen and I went to Sea World.  We paid Glen's way, since he had not really seen it.  Carol was working and couldn’t go. It was a beautiful day. The shows were impressive, and the aquarium was the best we’d seen. We all enjoyed it. I used my camcorder and recorded a of lot of video. We only stayed three nights and two days. The second day we spent with Carol, but she was tired and didn’t feel up to doing a lot.

We came back through Atlanta and spent a little time with Don before he had to go to work. We didn’t see Kimberly because she was at work already. The previous week, her mother and dad had taken us all out on the river in their boat, so we had seen them both then.

When we returned home I found things very tense at work. Apparently Kim and Jack had fought all week, and the plant supervisor was about to pull his hair out with frustration. I wasn’t looking forward to the days ahead. There was so much tension in the plant, it wasn’t a pleasant place to work.

Evan is 62 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 53 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 30, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 27 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 28 and attending Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working as a receptionist at a chemical plant and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is eighteen. She is a freshman in college.
Lenny is Connie's boyfriend.  He is a sophomore in college.
Denny is Christi's boyfriend. 
Jack and Kim are Beth's co-workers.

Chapter 127
Christmas and the New Year,1992

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

As Christmas drew near, we continued to have a lot of company. Jimmy, your sister Helen’s son, had remarried in the summer and he brought his wife up to meet us. Becky was an airline stewardess. She was his fifth wife. He’s gone through a college sweetheart, a Proctor-and-Gamble heiress, a school teacher, and one who only lasted a couple of months. Jimmy had been a bank vice-president, but he'd lost his job a few years back when there was a financial crisis and many banks went under. Since then, he'd had trouble finding anything permanent. The couple would be living in Nashville, where Becky would work as an executive for a major hotel chain. She had two young children. Jimmy hadn’t had children before, and he seemed crazy about the little girl and boy. Since Jimmy was Helen’s only child, she was becoming attached to the children as well, so we all hoped this marriage would last.  

Your other siblings, Rhomas and Maxine, also came up just before Christmas and stayed a few days. With so much company, it was very hard to get the necessary shopping done and get ready for Christmas. We bought another blue spruce tree, for which we had to pay $70 on sale. It was late in the season, and it was reduced from the original $100. I decided this would be the last year for a real tree. They don’t last long, and they shed needles everywhere. The tree was about eight feet tall and beautiful under our 27 ft. ceiling in the great room. Connie and Lenny decorated it for us.
******

A few days before Christmas, my friend, Joy, called from Florida. Joy is also my cousin, who I met for the first time at a family reunion in Mississippi when I was fifteen. She and I lived a few towns apart, and we became almost as close as sisters. After she graduated from the same college which I attended in Mississippi, she taught for a year and married an airman she met in training in Pensacola. We didn’t see as much of each other after she moved away. She lost her first child like I lost Susan. He was eight months old, and it was listed as a crib death. After she moved to Florida, we lost track of each other, but we had both been trying to get back in touch. Our letters kept getting returned, because we had the wrong addresses. She finally managed to get my phone number, so we had a lot of catching up to do.

Joy was mentioned quite often in my earlier chapters. From this point on, she would be back as a major part of my story. It had been at least 27 years since we’d been in touch. Like me, she now had four grown children. Her marriage to her husband, a lawyer, had failed after twenty-five years. Recently, she had met a much older man and had remarried. They were living in the Jacksonville area of Florida and were in the process of building a house in Ponte Vedra near the beach.
*******

Carol came for Christmas, without Glen. Christmas was fun. We didn’t eat until late on Christmas Day, because Don and Kimberly couldn’t come until late. Christi couldn’t get Denny to come, because he seemed to be uncomfortable around us. He went to Alabama to be with his family. Lenny came late, as well. He’d been with his dad and stepmom for Christmas. Lenny’s mom was spending Christmas in Brazil. Lenny’s family treated Connie like one of their own, so she always got nice gifts from them.

Kimberly and Don were having a hard time financially, so they made their Christmas gifts. Don had been very unsatisfied for a while with his job at a home for delinquent boys. When they refused to let him off for Christmas, he decided not to go back. We hoped he would be able to find something else and hadn’t made a big mistake by leaving without giving notice. Kimberly made us a beautiful wreath for our door, and she was making a needlepoint picture for my wall. Don was in the process of making a large birdhouse, which was a scale model replica of our unusual house with a rock chimney, decks and all.

After Christmas, Don, Kimberly, Connie and Lenny went ice skating and later snow skiing in Gatlinburg.  We took Carol and went up to watch them ski later that day. We rode the ski lift up the mountain to where they were skiing, and I took camcorder pictures of the skiers on the way up. We enjoyed the trip. Carol left the next morning, going home by the way of Glen's parents’ home in Georgia.

Later that week, Connie went with Lenny and his dad to Memphis, to spend a few days and be there through New Year's Day. They visited Lenny's grandparents who lived there, but they all stayed in a motel.
******

The calendar turned over to the year of 1992, and I didn’t bother making resolutions. I hoped it would be a good year, but I had doubts as to what might happen with my job and also concerns about my children, who all seemed to be struggling with relationship problems.

Christi and Denny continued to have problems. He worked before Christmas delivering for UPS, but again he was without a job. They decided to break up, and Christi dated a boy from Canada for a while, but it was Denny she was really crazy about, and she was depressed over the breakup. She'd been wanting new carpet for her room. Although it needed changing out, we were unwilling, because she was getting makeup all over the carpet, and she had a shedding cat and an overflowing litter box in her room. We told her if she wanted new carpet, she would need to buy it herself. She did just that, so we got her furniture out and put it down for her.
******

Connie and Lenny went to Atlanta to pick up his mom who was getting back from South America. They went to see Don and Kimberly while they were over that way. The next day, they both had to get back to their college classes. Lenny’s mom was planning to take a sabbatical from teaching to do a lot more traveling, and she decided to close her house. Gina, Lenny’s sister, was married for several years, but she and her husband broke up, and she and Lenny decided to get an apartment together near the mall. Connie seemed to think she lived there too, because she was going over there almost every day after school to do her homework.
******

Connie's friend, Amy, tried to kill herself again. She ended up in Valley Hospital, which is a hospital for people who are having mental problems. Connie said Amy's problem was because her mother died just before they moved to Chattanooga. Her father remarried right away, and the father and step-mother didn't act as if they cared about Amy. She’d been on antidepressants, but she didn't like the way they made her feel, so she kept getting off of them.
*******

We had an extremely cold January and we kept putting off visiting Mom and Dad because of the bad weather. We finally went to Mississippi near the end of January and celebrated a late Christmas with them. You and I spent one night in Brandon with your sister, Maxine. Your other sister, Helen, was having some serious health problems, and part of it was brought on by the fact that it looked as if Jimmy and wife number five were going to be getting a divorce, already. We didn't understand why all of his relationships seemed to fail. Helen always blamed the women, but I'm sure there was more to the story than what any of us were aware of.

Evan is 63 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 54 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 30, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 27 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 29 and attending Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working as a receptionist at a chemical plant and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is eighteen. She is a freshman in college.
Lenny is Connie's boyfriend.  He is a sophomore in college. Gina is Lenny's Sister.
Denny is Christi's boyfriend. 
Rhomas, Helen, and Maxine are Evan's siblings.
Jimmy is Helen's son and Evan's nephew.
Amy is Connie's friend.
Joy is Beth's close friend, who had been out of her life for while.

Chapter 128
Frequent Family Visitors.

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Since Don quit his job just before Christmas in order to come home, he was working temporary jobs while looking for something else. He had always been extremely skilled working with his hands, so he got the idea of designing his own adjustment tables and constructing them.  He made the first one for himself and began showing it to other students. They liked his design and were willing to buy their own tables from him. The tables looked very professional. He was able to bend the metal and upholster the tables, so it seemed a good way to make money working from home.
******
In April your sister, Helen, came up to visit us. She had almost had a nervous breakdown after Jimmy and his fifth wife broke up. She had been so excited about the two children, since she didn’t have grandchildren of her own. She felt she needed to get away from home to try to get the breakup off of her mind. She was embarrassed because her son had been divorced so many times.

We put her in Connie’s old room since it had a bath. Connie was sleeping in the room over the garage, but she had left some old toys in that room. One was a doll or a stuffed animal that giggled when the lights were turned off. The first night, Helen took her time about going to bed. When she turned off the light and heard an eerie giggle, it scared her so bad she jumped up and turned the lights back on.  After doing a thorough search of the room and closet, she turned the lights back off, and it happened again. This time she was really freaking out and decided it was time to awaken us. We were mystified when she told us there was someone in her room that kept disappearing. After she explained they didn’t let themselves be known until she turned the lights out, we realized what was happening. Poor Helen; she didn’t need that with her nerves already on edge. Later, you and I had a good laugh.

That weekend, you decided we should take Helen to Gatlinburg to see the Smoky Mountains, since she had never been there. After seeing Gatlinburg, we decided to drive across the Smoky Mountain National Park into Cherokee, North Carolina, which is a resort town on the Indian Reservation.  When we got into the higher elevations, it was snowing and sticking. It wasn’t so cold that the roads were freezing over, so we kept going. Helen was thrilled to see the mountain with snow coming down. I was pretty excited myself, because this was a first for me to see the mountains being covered with snow.  I was glad I had the video camcorder, because I got some beautiful pictures. 
*******
In April, Glen finally got his BS degree in nursing. He’d been working as an intern, and this meant as a nurse, he would be making more money. He wanted to get into a specialty program, which might mean they would be moving from the Orlando area. They were talking about putting their house on the market, and maybe, moving back to Tennessee. Carol had been taking some computer courses and she was hoping to take more classes. I think she might have wanted to somehow work with computers rather than patients.

They were still having marriage problems due to their individual personality types. Glen felt if she really loved him, she would be excited to do things with him. Carol admitted to herself, in her diary, she couldn’t say she really loved him, but she didn’t believe in divorce. She had finally accepted the fact he would never be the kind of husband she had dreamed of. In spite of resenting that he kept demanding her time, she was trying to do some things with him in order to keep peace.

Earlier in the marriage, she had made some out-of-town trips riding on the back of his motorcycle. She had gone on the boat with him and had learned how to operate it. She had also taken scuba diving lessons with him and learned, to some extent, to enjoy being underwater with the manatees. Lately, she had gotten certified to operate Glen’s ham radio. He had taken the test as well, but he hadn’t passed it. The one thing she really got upset about was when he insisted that she go with him to the shooting range and learn to shoot a gun. She hated guns and was so aggravated she wasted her ammunition without even trying to hit the target.

Connie and Lenny went to visit them again in Florida on their spring break. In fact, they went three times in 1992. Carol seemed pleased when they came, but we weren’t sure Glen was happy to have them.
*********
Both Connie and Lenny finished their spring college classes in May. Connie did well with her grades. When school would start again in September, she would be a sophomore and Lenny would be a Junior. The week after they got out, Carol and Glen were visiting us and looking in Chattanooga for possible job opportunities. We learned that although it was almost summer, it was snowing again in the Smokies. Everyone wanted to go see the snow in the mountains, so we all piled into the van and went. We had a television set in the van, and the kids had some video games they enjoyed playing on the way up. When we got there it was even more beautiful than it had been the month before. The roads were still passable and there wasn’t a lot of traffic. We stopped near the top, and everyone got out and had a snowball fight. It was a lot of fun.

We did a lot of other family things with Carol and Glen like going to some of the area parks and playing Frisbee. Once we went to Lake Ocoee and took pictures of the whitewater rapids leading into the lake. We also went to Cade’s Cove near Townsend, Tennessee.  A drive through that park is like going back in history. Many old cabins and farmsteads are still there and there are many wild animals like deer, elk, wolves, and occasionally, a bear, so Glen and I had our cameras handy.
********
Thus far into the year, not a lot was happening on the world stage which triggered our interest. George H. W. Bush was still president, and in spite of saying, “Read my lips: No new taxes” when he ran for office, in March he raised our taxes significantly.

One other noteworthy thing was the maiden voyage of the Space Shuttle Endeavour when the spacecraft was successfully launched from the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. This happened in May. It was also the first time three astronauts had walked in space at the same time. The flight lasted nine days before it returned safely to earth.
*******
Before the summer was over we would have another visitor, who almost outstayed his welcome. Jimmy came to visit and to look for work. We’ll have more to say about that next time we talk.

Evan is 63 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 54 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 30, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 27 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 29 and attending Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working as a receptionist at a chemical plant and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is eighteen. She is a freshman in college.
Lenny is Connie's boyfriend.  He is a sophomore in college. Gina is Lenny's Sister.
 Helen is Evan's sister.
Jimmy is Helen's son and Evan's nephew.






 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 129
Our Nephew, Jimmy

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

It seemed a bit odd to us, after years of hardly ever seeing your sister’s son, Jimmy, he apparently decided we were his favorite relatives. Before he brought Becky by to spend the night, we’d only met one of his previous wives, and that was at your dad’s funeral. We were impressed with her, but Diane, a teacher, wanted a child with all her heart. Since Jimmy’s other marriages had not included children, we assumed he might be unable to have children, or he didn’t want them.

In the past, Jimmy had never attended any of the family gatherings, although his mother was always there. The marriage that had lasted the longest was when he was married to Trudy, the Proctor and Gamble heiress. Trudy was someone who provided Jimmy access to a more prestigious group of people. She had been a college roommate with Annie, who was married for a while to John Denver. She probably considered it slumming to attend our family gatherings. After several years of marriage, she spent most of her time traveling around the country with her mother and leaving Jimmy behind.

After the last divorce, Jimmy appeared at our house in early summer and took up residency in our guest room, on the pretense of looking for work. I’m pretty sure he was taking prescription drugs to get him past the failed marriage. He talked endlessly, expressing his anger and disgust about how badly he had been treated by his latest wife, who he declared to be clinically deranged.

He claimed his greatest desire was for her to suffer a stroke and die, so he could somehow get custody of her children. He said the children weren't safe with her. This kind of talk made no sense to us and made us believe that he was the one who had the mental problem. His ranting made him seem completely unhinged, and we feared for his stability. Perhaps this was the first time one of his wives had actually cheated on him.

At any rate, the summer was passing without him showing any indication of finding work or of him moving on. I had some vacation time coming, and you wanted to go down to our place in Mississippi and work on our property, so we could get the house in shape to rent. You offered to pay Jimmy if he would come and work with us, helping to get our house in shape. He agreed, and with the three of us working, we were able to get our place looking good.

Jimmy’s next stop was with your sister Maxine, who offered to let him stay with her and work at painting and doing some repairs around her house. In need of money, Jimmy had no choice. This manual labor was a far cry from the work he would have preferred. He still seemed to see himself as an executive, having once been a bank vice president.

Again he outstayed his welcome, and finally Maxine had to steer him back home to live with his mother, Helen. She was in poor health and needed his attention. Over time, Jimmy’s attitude of entitlement evaporated. He realized he was only human like the rest of us, and he came back down to earth to join us peons. It would be several years before he married again, but this time his marriage would last. He and Lynn would become active in the church, the community and in family gatherings. At this time, they have been happily married about twenty years. Sometimes things work out.

We were able to rent out our house in the country to a large family. The rental income took care of the taxes and insurance and made it worthwhile to keep the place, for the time being.

In September, Connie began her second year of college at Chattanooga State and Lenny began his third year at the University of Tennessee in Chattanooga. They continued to spend as much time as possible together. Christi was still working as a receptionist and was dating Denny again. She had Don build her a massage table and she started doing a few massages in Don’s old room. You weren’t too pleased with the arrangement, because we had strangers coming into our house at late hours to get massages.

This was the year for a presidential election. George H.W. Bush was running for his second term on the Republican ticket. Bill Clinton was the Democrat candidatic. You and I weren’t totally pleased with either man. Ross Perot was new on the scene and making some impact as an Independent. We had always voted for the man rather than the party, so we decided to support Ross, knowing he wasn’t likely to win.

In November Bill Clinton won making, George Bush a one term president. The war we had during his presidency and the fact that he had raised taxes after vowing not to, apparently caused him to not be reelected. The fact that Ross Perot took away some of his votes by running as a third party didn't help his chances for reelection either.

Everything seemed to be going pretty smoothly in our lives, but we had no way of knowing of the changes which were in store for a couple of members of our family before the year, 1992, would end.

Evan is 63 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 54 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 30, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 27 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 29 and attending Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working as a receptionist at a chemical plant and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is nineteen. She is in her second year in college.
Lenny is Connie's boyfriend.  He is a Junior in college.
 Helen is Evan's sister. 
Jimmy is Helen's son. He is about 45. Trudy, Diane, and Becky are his previous wives.
Lynn is Jimmy's present wife.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 130
Emptying the Nest

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

As Christmas of 1992 drew near, I went through my usual process of trying to make special happy memories for all of my family. Over the years, I had worked so hard, shopping, decorating, wrapping presents, baking and preparing the dinner, that I had stopped enjoying Christmas. I was usually worn out by the actual day. I made a lot of extra work for myself by trying to make sure no one was disappointed. Everyone, including you, seemed to love Christmas, but I did most of the work. You did help with the cleanup, for which I was very grateful.

This time we had Christmas dinner and the opening of presents on Christmas Eve, because I had to work around other people’s schedules. Jane planned to do her dinner on Christmas Day with Don and Kimberly, so I changed our celebration to accommodate her. Carol and Glen were both here for the holiday this year. Lenny was always invited, and he came, but I could tell by the way he and Connie were acting, something was definitely wrong. He acted ill at ease, and didn’t stay long after we ate. Connie looked miserable. After dinner was over, Connie told me they had broken up, and that this time, it was for good. She said the breakup was mutual, but her teary eyes told me it wasn’t what she wanted. I’d never seen her quite so miserable.

I don’t think she got any sleep that night. She and Lenny were on the phone for several hours during the night, but apparently if they were trying to work things out, it didn’t work. She said she told him that she never wanted to see him again. By morning she was a wreck and Christmas Day was a bummer for everyone. Carol and Glen were leaving to go back to Florida, and Connie wanted to go with them. She had decided she wasn’t going back to college, even though she was registered. She wanted to move to another state and start over again.

Carol was okay with taking Connie back with her, but we could tell Glen was anxious to leave. We convinced Connie that she would have to talk to someone at the college business office and try to get her registration fees back, before she could leave town. Carol told Connie they would be coming back soon, so Glen could apply for a job in Nashville or around Chattanooga. He wanted a nursing job where he could be working with heart catheters. She told Connie they would take her back then.

Before Christmas, we had told Christi she needed to get her own apartment. Staying out until two or three in the morning was getting on our nerves. She agreed to move out, and she had been looking for an apartment she could afford.

Don and Kimberly had been looking for a house to buy in Georgia. They had found one which had been repossessed, and the bid they put in had been accepted. The people who lost the house had trashed it before moving. It was a fairly new house, but they gouged holes in the walls, broke stair rails, ripped and stained the carpet and tore a toilet off the wall. Few people had bid on it, because of all the damage and knowing the cost of repairs would be expensive. Don knew he could do the repair work himself. Now they were waiting to see if the loan would be approved.

Don was taking his time about finishing his degree at Life Chiropractic College. He wasn’t taking as many courses each semester as he could have been, and he and Kimberly were using the student loan money for things other than tuition. You and I had always avoided debt, and we were afraid they would be so deeply in debt by the time he finished, that they would never be debt free. It was no longer our problem, but we couldn’t help being concerned about them.

The New Year of 1993 started with things still up in the air about what Connie and Christi would be doing, and also whether Don and Kimberly’s loan would be approved.

Christi went to Alabama to meet Denny’s parents. Connie applied with several temporary agencies for work, and you and I went to Mississippi to see our folks and have a belated Christmas with them. We also spent some time at our place in the country, trying to finish up the repair work we’d done on the house and get it ready to rent.

Not long after we got back home, Carol called in tears to say Glen wouldn’t agree to let Connie move in with them. Connie felt as though the world had crashed in on her. She was so afraid if she didn’t leave the area, she might run into Lenny with another girl. She didn’t think she could handle it. Even at the mention of his name, she would go ballistic.

Christi found a place to rent in a large apartment complex, and she told Connie she could move in with her, if she would help with the rent. The place had two bedrooms, two baths and a kitchen-great room combo. Christi had lived on her own before, but this would be the first time for Connie. I was relieved she wouldn’t be so far away from home.

Suddenly, you and I were alone in our large house. It would take us some time to readjust, but our children weren’t very far away. They would still be able to pull us into their dramas. As the days went by, we would soon learn how true that prediction would turn out to be.

Evan is 64 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 55 and is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 31, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 28 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 30 and attending Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working as a receptionist at a chemical plant and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is nineteen. She is in her second year in college.
Lenny is Connie's boyfriend.  He is a Junior in college.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents. Pays one point and 2 member cents.

Chapter 131
The Down Side of Caring Too Much

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

One of the first things scheduled for the New Year was for you to have a colonoscopy. You had never had one, and you were really worried about it. Your blood pressure often shot up at home, in spite of medicine the doctor had you on to control it. You were worried that you might have a stroke. The preparation for the procedure was rough. You weren’t allowed to eat, so you were feeling weak and nervous.

We got up at five a.m. and were at the hospital before seven for day surgery. We both had splitting headaches, but I could have coffee. You couldn’t have anything. You were very addicted to coffee at that time and usually had many cups in the course of a day.  When the doctor got you prepped for surgery, your blood pressure shot way up. They called your primary care doctor, and he had them put Procardia under your tongue, which made your heart rate go up. Your pressure was 215/118. They had to postpone your procedure, while they worked to try to get the pressure down. They let another patient go first.  Finally, they got it down to 178/107 and decided to go ahead with it. When they gave you anesthetic, you finally relaxed and went to sleep. They removed a small polyp.

Connie came over, because she was worried about you. She was still puffy-eyed from crying over Lenny. She drove you home, and I went back to work. Later that day, the temporary agency called Connie and sent her on an assignment to a local furniture company. Connie hated the job at first, but it soon become apparent the supervisor liked her, and she might be able to work there for a while.

Connie took back most of the things which I had bought her for Christmas, so she would have money to live away from home. In spite of missing Lenny, she wasn’t at a loss for friends. Names I hadn’t heard for a while kept slipping back into the conversation.  Chris was a guy she had liked before Lenny, and she also mentioned doing things with Travis and Scott, both guys from a while back. I guess the word got around fast about her and Lenny breaking up. Personally, you and I both liked Lenny, and not having him around made me sad. Connie was also spending a lot of time with her old friend Leigh Ann from high school.
**********
 
We talked to Don and learned that he and Kimberly were getting the repossessed and trashed house which they bid on. They were anxious for us to see it, so we went to Georgia on the weekend to check it out. It was in a little town some distance out from Atlanta. The neighborhood was new. There was so much repair work to be done, it was likely no one else wanted it.  The work which would have to be done to restore the place seemed overwhelming, but when you’re young you feel invincible.  We remembered we weren’t that bothered by some of the nightmarish places where we lived when we first got married.
********

Bill Clinton was inaugurated as president in the middle of January. We didn’t vote for him, but we were willing to give him a chance and see what happened.  Al Gore was his vice president. Bill’s wife, Hillary, was planning to take an active role. She said the country was getting two for the price of one. Many people seemed to dislike her for being so aggressive.
*********

In early February, you decided to go to our place in the country and do some more work on the house. You were nervous about being there alone, so you decided to take our psycho dog, Kokomo. You took the van and drove a couple of towns down the road, before you realized there was no way you were going to make it all the way to Mississippi with that dog.  He was jumping all over you, licking you in the face, and then snarling at you. You turned around, brought him back home and left the following day instead.
********

Connie couldn’t let the thing with Lenny go. She had sworn she would never be the one to call him, but she decided she had to know if there was any chance of them getting back together. They talked for hours, and they both cried.  He told her that he loved her, but he didn’t think love was enough and he was afraid their relationship would fall apart down the road. He said it was something he had learned in Psychology class.

I suspected Lenny had seen too much divorce, first with his parents and then, his sister. The fact his birth mother had given him up for adoption, probably didn’t help either. It seemed likely he was afraid of serious relationships. Connie said she realized now they would never be getting back together. I couldn’t help but cry, knowing how completely her heart was broken. No parent likes to see their children in pain.

It was not the last pain we would see with our children. Within a couple of months, another of our children would experience a devastating heartbreak.

 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 132
A Year of Discontent

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

February through April of 1993 was proving to be a rough time, not only for our family, but a historically troubling time for our country as well. On February 26th, we were all shocked to learn that a truck bomb had exploded under the north tower of the World Trade Center in New York, killing six and injuring over 1000 people. Muslim terrorist trained at an Al Qaeda training camp in Afghanistan turned out to be the ones responsible.

On February 28th, ATF (Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms) agents stormed the compound of the Branch Davidians in Waco, Texas. The standoff resulted in the death of four ATF agents and six members of the Davidians led by cult leader, David Koresh, who claimed to be anointed by God to establish David’s kingdom in Palestine. This was the beginning of a siege which ended April 19, when ATF agents, again, attempted to enter the compound. A few of the members had chosen to leave. The compound caught fire, and many of the members committed suicide or died in the fire. In the aftermath, seventy-six bodies were recovered, including twenty children.

In March, in Milwaukie, Wisconsin, the worst waterborne bacterial infection ever known in this country took place due to contamination at a water treatment facility, making over 400,000 people ill and resulting in the death of over a hundred.
*******

Christi and Connie seemed to be getting along pretty well in their apartment setup. It was hard for us to believe, because they fought constantly at home. Connie liked the idea of living away from home and paying her own way. She seemed afraid to antagonize Christi, because she was afraid Christi would kick her out and let her boyfriend, Denny, move in instead. Christi was still doing massages in our house, since she didn’t have room in her apartment for the massage table. This idea didn't sit well with us, but like Connie, antagonizing Christi led to high stress for us as well. In addition, she was incapable of budgeting enough money to meet her expenses. By allowing her to do massages, her income increased, meaning she would be asking us for less each month to cover her portion of the rent.
*********

You had finally gotten our place in the country ready to rent and turned it over to a Realtor to handle, since we were living out of the area. A family named Dodson, who had five or six children, moved in. At least with it rented, we didn’t need to worry about making regular trips to check on it.  They signed a year's lease. The first month's rent came in right on time, giving us reason to hope we had made the right decision.

On March the 12th, we had what Chattanooga called the storm of the century. Downtown Chattanooga got 21 inches of snow. Flat roofs collapsed, and trees on hillsides fell like an atomic explosion had occurred. Connie was visiting a friend, whose home was on a high mountain, and she was forced to spend the night there. It was impossible to get a car down the steep drive, so she hiked down the following day. The storm struck on the weekend, but by Monday, there was still no way I could get out to go to work, and neither could Christi and Connie. Mother called and was excited, because they had gotten a record snowfall in Mississippi as well. Most of the states in the Southeastern U.S. broke records, and as we began to get news, it appeared that over 100 people had died as a result. Florida was experiencing extreme flooding.
*********

Connie was constantly worried about losing her job. She'd had little success keeping jobs for long periods in the past, and she was afraid losing this one might mean moving back home. She began baby-sitting for the owner of her company’s daughter, hoping that might have some influence on her ability to hold the job. Connie met a lot of people at the apartment complex, and she was never without some guy friends coming over and staying late into the night.

Neither Christi, nor Connie, had paid a pet deposit, but Connie had a parakeet and some fish, and Christi wanted a pet. I wanted her to take her kitten, but she was convinced it would run away. She decided to take our Himalayan, Tiffany, because she was used to being a house cat. Tiffany didn’t appreciate the move. She was a very shy cat and she found a place to hide immediately.

Denny brought a big couch over to their apartment and started sleeping over while he looked for work. One night at one a.m., Christi called me screaming that Denny had let Tiffany out. I think she disturbed everyone's sleep in the huge complex, screaming about that cat running away. Denny threatened to hit her if she didn’t shut up. He finally got in his car and left. After about five days, the cat was finally located and recaptured. By that time, she was half starved and full of ticks. She didn't like Denny at all, and often chose something he had left lying around as her place to defecate rather than the litter box.
*********

In April, we decided we might take a trip to Florida to visit Carol and Glen, but when we called Carol to tell her, she seemed stressed. She said it wouldn’t be a good time for us to come. She said she would be coming home soon. We knew she and Glen had been fighting a lot lately. He hated it because she was paying tithes to the church, rather than putting the money on the many debts they had. Carol had seemed unhappy for a while, so we were a bit concerned.

On the 12th of April while I was at work, you got a call from Carol, telling you she was on her way home. We were surprised, because she always gave us more notice before she came. When I got home from work, Connie was over, and the three of you were sitting around the dining table talking. Carol said, “Now that you're all here, I have something I need to tell you.” It was apparent she was on the verge of tears.

She said Glen had come in from a fishing trip with a friend and told her he wanted a divorce. She had cried and pleaded, but nothing would change his mind. She suggested a trial separation or marriage counseling, but he wouldn’t agree to that either. He just wanted a divorce as quickly as he could get it, and he didn’t think they should get any lawyers involved. After almost nine stormy years, this was still a tremendous blow to our daughter, who didn't believe in divorce.

You and I were dumbfounded and outraged, because Carol was so willing to let him keep almost everything, other than a small car and waterbed. We begged her to get a lawyer, but she was shocked at our reaction. With tears flowing like the floodgates had opened, we backed off.

Some days start out so ordinary, and end in such a way, you just know things have changed forever. There would be time enough to talk more when things settled down. For that moment, we all needed time to process this news.

Evan is 63 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 54 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 30, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 27 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 29 and he will be graduating Life Chiropractic College in the Spring. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working as a receptionist at a chemical plant and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is nineteen. She is taking time off from her second year in college. 
Lenny was Connie's boyfriend.  They have just broken up. He is a junior in college. 
Denny is Christi's boyfriend. He is between jobs.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 133
Dealing With Divorce

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Carol was horrified when we wanted her to get a lawyer. She was very emotional, and almost anything we said about the pending divorce seemed to hurt her. She talked to Glen by phone and told him we thought she should get a lawyer. He became angry and was afraid she was going to listen to us instead of him. He said he didn’t plan to see us when he came up later to bring the small waterbed and one chair she was keeping.

We told her she could live with us as long as she wanted to. The idea of living with us again didn’t appeal to her, but she said she would stay with us until she figured out where she wanted to go.  Since she’d been away over ten years, coming back to live with her parents wouldn’t be easy.

She told us she had still been in love with her old boyfriend, Tommy, the half Korean boy from college, when she married Glen. She and Glen had realized before their first week together they had made a mistake, but neither wanted a divorce. In the end, she felt she saw him more like he was an undisciplined child, who needed someone to take care of him. She admitted she had never loved him the way a wife should love her husband. Now it seemed the grief she was feeling was because she felt she had failed at marriage and was rejected as a wife. The idea of no longer being a wife was robbing her of her identity. She felt shame in the idea of being divorced.

Carol only stayed a few days, because she had to go back and give notice to Florida Hospital, pack, and tie up loose ends. While she was with us, she confirmed a nursing position at the hospital where she had applied earlier, when she and Glen had been thinking of moving back to the area. They assured her the job was hers when she was ready for it.
******

Connie was still grieving over her Christmas breakup with Lenny, but she was going out regularly with different guys. Shane and J.P were names we heard mentioned often. In addition to working at the furniture company and baby-sitting for the owner’s daughter, Connie was taking a photography class at Chattanooga State as an elective. By staying busy all the time, she and Christi weren’t seeing a lot of each other.

However, too much of Connie's time was spent doing things with friends and keeping late hours. She really liked the photography class, but in the end, she was forced to drop it, or fail, because she got behind with the assignments. I was not happy about it, because we had spent a of lot of money getting her back in college  for the one class. The book and supplies needed had been very expensive. It wasn’t something she needed for a degree, so it was unlikely she would take it again.

I had not seen Lenny since Christmas, and I was unaware he had taken a part-time job at the grocery store where I shopped. One day when I was buying groceries, I heard someone behind me say, “Now there’s a happy shopper.” It was Lenny, and I stopped to talk. When I told him about Carol and Glen breaking up, I choked up and had to fight back the tears. I guess he realized I wasn’t such a happy shopper after all. He said he’d heard Connie had moved into an apartment with Christi. He sounded sad as well.
******

In May, you and I decided to take a short trip. Since going to Florida was out, we settled on a little town in the North Carolina mountains we’d heard about, but never visited. It was a unique location where none of the motels, commercial establishments, or fast food restaurants had encroached on the landscape. We stayed in a beautiful little bed and breakfast. It was a very relaxing vacation in a scenic area with an amazing waterfall.

I enjoyed the much needed break from my job. I’d worked there over five stressful years and was starting to feel burned out. Scores of people had been hired and fired over the years, and I was amazed that I still had a job there. Linda, the girl the plant manager moved from the art department and asked me to train, was not a pleasant person to work with. She spent most of her time talking behind people’s backs and causing trouble. I was aware she was likely talking behind my back as well.
*******

In May, Carol came back and took up residency in our guest room and started on her new job. She planned to go back to Florida in June to finalize the divorce. One evening, Glen called to talk to her, and she was at work. He seemed willing to talk to me about what was going on. He said he and Carol had nothing in common and she had indicated that she didn’t really love him when they first got married. He said she didn't even like the same kind of food he liked. He said he was unhappy and couldn’t take it any longer. In the course of our conversation, I suggested he should get Carol’s name off the house, since he planned to be the one living there. Later when he talked to Carol, he told her he didn’t appreciate me getting involved and trying to mess things up for them.

Carol got angry with me for talking to him. She said he couldn’t afford to make house payments, and she planned to help him with the mortgage, and she would pay off half of the debts he had incurred.  In spite of everything, she felt sorry for him. I don’t think she really believed he could manage on his own, and instead, she felt he would likely want her back.

******
 

In June, Don graduated from Life College and was officially a Chiropractor. We all went down for the graduation. By that time, he had managed to restore the trashed house, which they had purchased as a foreclosure. It looked like a brand new house inside and out. We couldn't help but admire Don’s carpenter skills and creativity. He and Kimberly were planning to sell the house and move back to Tennessee before he set up a practice. Until then, he intended to continue building chiropractic tables and doing some construction work in the area.  

 

Also in June, Connie celebrated her twentieth birthday. Lately, she was having a lot of problems with recurring fever and a severe sore throat. The doctor said she needed her tonsils out. Carol had her tonsils removed in her early twenties as well. She encouraged Connie to get them out, and we made an appointment for that to happen. In the near future, Don would have a medical problem arise as well.

Evan is 63 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 54 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 30, a nurse at Florida Hospital in Orlando. She is married and living in Florida.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s husband. He is 27 and soon will get his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is graduating Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working as a receptionist at a chemical plant and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta near Don's school.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty. She is working at a furniture store.
Lenny was Connie's boyfriend.  They have just broken up. He is a junior in college. 
Shane and J.P. are friends of Connie's.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 134
Ending and Beginnings

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

In late June of 1993, we went down to Mississippi to visit my parents, who had been having some health issues. Dad had always had knee problems, and lack of exercise since he’d retired had made it hard for him to get around. He had fallen a number of times, and Mom wasn’t strong enough to lift him. Both Mom and Dad had heart problems, even though they were reluctant to see a doctor. Since I was their only child, I felt it was up to me to try to help them, but we lived so far away, I was at a loss to know what to do. I knew they would be reluctant to leave their friends and the place where they had lived all their lives to move near me.
.
While there, we visited your sister, Helen. She was upset because her only son, Jimmy, didn’t have a job. She was having to help him. She said it wasn’t leaving her enough money for her medicine. Carol had some unpaid tithe money, and she gave it to Helen to help her out. I’m pretty sure you added to it as well, because you always helped your family when they were in need.
******

Don and Kimberly took a trip with the Dyes to celebrate his graduation. I think they went somewhere in North Tennessee to a timeshare Jane and Bobby owned.  While he was there, Don got very sick and had to be hospitalized. It turned out he had kidney stones, which it took several days for him to pass. He claimed it had to be worse than giving birth. I had to laugh about that.
********

Carol returned to Florida in July for the final divorce hearing. Glen got in trouble as soon as he got to the courthouse. He was wearing a fanny pack, but remembered he would have to go through a metal detector. He took his knives and bullets and everything he could find that was metal out in the car. However, he forgot one of his pistols was in a hidden compartment. When he went through the metal detector, the weapon showed up. It is apparently a big no-no to bring a gun into court. This caused a delay and embarrassment for both of them. They were each questioned separately. They were also encouraged to delay the divorce and get counseling, but Glen's mind was made up. In the end, the divorce was granted. Carol drove her car back to Tennessee to live with us until she worked out another place to live. Carol could have gotten her maiden name back that day with no charge, but she was so sure Glen would want her back she didn't ask for it. Four years later, she would pay the court to have it changed back to Shelby.

One thing good about having her living with us was that she had a decent computer. I had an old Commodore 128, but I’d never been able to do much with it, other than play games. Carol showed me a few things, and I began to learn a bit about computers. By the time she left us, I was hooked and determined to have one of my own. This was when I first got the idea that if I ever had the time, I would like to start writing.

Carol only stayed with us for a couple of months. She found an apartment and signed a six-month lease. It wasn’t far away, and we were able to see her often. We realized that she was happier living on her own. I had often found her depressed and in tears when she lived with us. She needed some alone time to realize she could survive without a man in her life.
******

Connie continued to work at the furniture store, and go out with J.P. and other guys during her free time. Christi was still working for the chemical company, but she was doing a lot of after-hour massages in our house. We weren't happy about it, but it wouldn’t have been so bad, except that she was often late, and her client was forced to wait in our great room. This was very stressful for both of us. I’m sure the client felt awkward about it too, because they would often tire of waiting and leave.

Christi was a person who had little respect for the privacy of her family, or for time in general. Ever since she was a child, getting anywhere on time had been a constant problem for her, and an equally constant source of irritation for us. She hadn’t made it to church on time in years. Traveling with her was close to impossible. We knew most of her jobs didn’t last long, because bosses wouldn’t tolerate an employee who was consistently late for work. She kept herself stressed with knowledge that people had a problem with it. She reminded us of the white rabbit in the Alice and Wonderland story, running around saying “I’m late, I’m late, I’m late." Still, over the years, nothing changed.

In September, I turned fifty-six, which was the age you were when you retired. Since I was feeling burned out from the constant stress of my job, I had started to wish I could retire as well. The problem was my job offered no retirement plan. It wasn’t as though we needed the money, because we were debt free, and you were drawing Social Security. We both had money invested in IRAs and CDs. I figured a part-time job that didn't involve overtime might be easier to tolerate.

When the plant supervisor informed me the method we were using for stripping negatives was becoming obsolete, and the company had decided to go with the more modern method of doing plate preparation on computers, I realized my days there were numbered. The girl who I had been teaching stripping had really never gotten the hang of it. But she was already a computer expert from having worked in typesetting. She was more than willing to go for the training in computer plate preparations. By allowing them to lay me off, I was assured of drawing unemployment, while I looked for other work.

I was a bit irritated the troublemaker I had been training had gotten her way, but otherwise I didn’t regret saying goodbye to the printing company. I left on good terms and signed up for temporary jobs, which I could either take or turn down if I chose to. It didn’t pay as well, but it would be a lot less stressful. You were glad to have me home, since I wouldn't be working late, as I had sometimes done with the printing company.

A few weeks later, I ran into the assistant plant supervisor. He had also lost his job, along with the troublemaker. It was hard not to feel a bit of gratification, but I was glad none of that was a problem which concerned me.

Evan is 65 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 56 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 31, a nurse who will be working at a hospital in Chattanooga.  Her divorce is finalized.
Glen Egolf is Carol’s ex-husband. He is 28 and has just completed his nursing degree from Southern College in Orlando.
Don is a twin. He is 29 and just graduated from Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working as a receptionist at a chemical plant and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-one. She is working at a furniture store.
Helen is Evan's sister.  Jimmy is her son.
.
 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 135
Passing Another Milestone

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

After leaving my job at the printing company, I signed with several temporary agencies, and they sent me on a lot of short-term assignments. Many of them involved replacing office workers and receptionists out on vacation. I got a chance to learn more about computer work. I wanted to learn even more, so I took a night class in basic computer skills. Even simple computers were very expensive, and I needed to know more about them before I purchased my own.
******
Connie took a couple of classes at Chattanooga State during the fall and planned to get back into college full-time for the spring semester. She continued to have episodes of high fever and sore throat.  As soon as she was able to get the infection down with antibiotics, we took her into day-surgery for a tonsillectomy. She bounced back much quicker than Carol had, when she'd had her tonsils out. Carol had been too sore to eat for a few days and had lost ten pounds, but Connie wanted food as soon as she left the hospital.
******
In addition to your garden, you worked on building a new and larger back deck and reworking and painting the railing around our front deck. Since Don was out of school and wasn't working, you paid him to come down and help with the deck building.

A severe wind storm came through and blew some shingles off our roof. Our insurance company replaced our entire roof, and all we had to pay was the deductible. Another expense and task you had to deal with happened when our downstairs heating and cooling unit had to be replaced. Our carbon monoxide detector had gone off, and when you called someone to have it checked, they shut our system down and told you we needed a new one.

You grew up with a fear of tornados. Because of this, you had dug into the retaining wall between our back deck and the steeply sloping lot and built a storm shelter that was 7’ X 8' with benches inside. When bad weather threatened, you often tried to get me to go into it with you. I usually refused. In spite of the fact that I’d been swept up in a tornado as a child, I wasn't as concerned about bad weather as you were. I was more alarmed by spiders which had taken up residency inside. After one severe storm passed, we learned that a  million-dollar home, being built in our subdivision, had been flattened due to a microburst.
******
In October, you and I took a short vacation trip together. Other than day trips, we hardly ever went anywhere without some of our children being along. We decided to go to Washington, D.C. When we got there, we parked in a city park and walked over to the Smithsonian mall area. You wanted to see the Vietnam Veterans Memorial wall, so we walked over and checked it out and afterward, visited some of the other memorial sites. We enjoyed taking a tour of the U.S. Capitol and walking over the grounds. After we tired of sightseeing, we started looking for our car. We took some wrong turns and were on the verge of exhaustion and panic before we finally located it.

We came back through Virginia, and you showed me Fort Belvoir, where you were stationed in 1952. I was glad your military service was over before we ever met. It had changed a lot since those days when you were in  your early twenties. We took the scenic route home, driving back on the Blue Ridge Parkway and making stops at tourist areas and motels. This trip was a lot less stressful than vacation trips we’d made with the children along.

Don and Kimberly took a trip to California as a celebration of his graduation from chiropractic college. They did the whole West Coast highway from Los Angeles north. I don't think they missed anything along the way,  including Alcatraz, the Hearst Castle, San Francisco, the Redwood Forest and a lot more. They came back with movie film of the trip for us to watch. I know they spent a lot of money they didn’t have.
*******
I made the big Thanksgiving meal and also the Christmas meal, with all of my children home for both. The meals only involved family for a change. We missed having Lenny. Other years, Glen had been with us also. A year can make a big difference. At our Christmas celebration, everyone had a blast except me. I was always too tired to enjoy it until the next day when everyone went home, and we could relax and eat left-overs for a week. You had given me money for Christmas which I could use toward my own computer. I got busy reading the "after-the-holiday" sale ads, hoping to find a bargain.

The year 1994 dawned, and you and I spent a quiet day together. Shortly afterward, Connie started back to school at Chattanooga State. She would continue working part-time at the furniture store. She changed her major to nursing. I was sure it wasn’t the field for her. Christi had tried it for a while and dropped it, and I didn’t really expect Connie to like it. I had to spend several hundred dollars on books she needed for classes, which she was likely to drop.
******
I found a computer on sale for a little less than $1,300 and bought it. Carol helped me set it up and put some programs on it. I would still have to buy a printer, but for the moment, there were plenty of things I could play around with until I could afford one.
******
On the 17th of January, the Los Angeles area experienced the Northridge earthquake, which killed 57 people and injured 8,700. Everyone stayed home that day because of an ice storm. You and I were glued to the TV set. 

Before the end of January, we got some interesing news. It wasn’t really much of a surprise to me, because I’d been expecting it for a while. You and I weren’t the kind of people that go nuts when we hear something like this, but Kimberly and Don called all excited to tell us, hoping we'd be on cloud nine. It had just been confirmed, with a pregnancy test; they were going to be parents. She was only one month along, so the baby wouldn’t be due until September. 

Kimberly had already told Connie she thought she might be, the week before when Connie and a guy friend spent the night with them. Still, when I called Connie to tell her it was official, she was ecstatic. She said she had been hoping to be an aunt ever since Carol and Glen had gotten married. For us, it was mixed emotions. Of course, we wanted to be grandparents, but we'd hoped they would wait until Don was set up in practice as a chiropractor. 

Evan is 65 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 56 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working with a local printing company.
Carol is 31, a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 30 and just graduated from Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-one. She is a sophomore in college and is working at a furniture store.
Glen Egolf is Carol's ex-husband. He lives in Florida and works in Orlando.
Lenny is Connie's ex-boyfriend

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 136
Life's Not a Fairytale

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

By the end of January, Connie already regretted having changed her major to Nursing. Chemistry was something she didn’t find interesting, and it was an extremely hard class to pass. Anatomy and physiology weren’t going well for her either. By February, she was talking about dropping the chemistry class, in spite of the expensive lab fees and books we’d purchased.

She wasn't mentally prepared to be back in college. Working part time at the furniture store and continuing to have an active social life wasn’t leaving her a lot of time to study. She still had moments when she felt lost without Lenny in her life. She wanted a stable relationship. Lenny had kept her grounded. Although they hadn't always agreed, it seemed her life had more of a direction when he was with her.

You and I were surprised to learn she had decided she wanted to become a camp counselor at one of the church camps during the summer months. She had never had a desire to attend a summer camp. Camping was an activity Don and Christi enjoyed, but Connie was a different personality type. She didn't enjoy getting involved in church activities, and she wasn't enrolled in a Christian college. It didn't seem likely she would be considered, when she applied for the position.

Surprisingly, she was offered the job, and she accepted it. She was told to report to the Alabama camp in mid-May. They were looking for someone to teach rock climbing and rappelling, in addition to being a girls' counselor. She didn’t know anything about rock climbing, but she was assured she would be assisting someone who knew what he was doing. She also was expected to get a physical exam and take a class in order to be certified as a lifeguard.

Connie's physical exam caused us a lot of stress. The doctor found problems with her heart. She had an irregular rhythm pattern and her heart rate seemed extremely slow. They did a lot of tests and scheduled her to see a cardiologist. I got knots in my stomach over the news, because I'd had rhythm problems with my own heart since I was in my twenties.

My problem, rather than beating too slow, was that my heart rate tended to suddenly go from a normal rhythm to beating around 160 times per minute. I could usually get it back in rhythm by massaging an artery in my neck. Connie's problem was different, but I wondered if perhaps it was related. The specialist did more tests and said it would need to be checked regularly to see if it was becoming worse. Since it had never bothered her, the doctor said it might be something she'd had since birth, but at some point down the road, she might have to have a pacemaker. 

In February, a friend named Joseph offered Connie a ride to New Orleans to go to Mardi Gras. She never turned down a chance to go back to the place where she was born and had spent the first thirteen years of her life. She and Joseph attended four of the parades leading up to the big day. While there, they visited my friend, Diane, although her daughter (Connie's friend, Lesley) had gone to California for the week. She did get to see another friend, Jennifer, who lived next door to Diane.

Christi was trying desperately to hold onto a relationship with Denny. He had decided he didn’t need Christi in his life and was dating another girl. Christi knew he was wrong for her, but that didn’t keep her from calling him and begging him to come back. She had convinced herself she was in love with him. She told our pastor  she’d prayed about it and felt it was God's fault it wasn't working out. The pastor used her as an example of how we sometimes blame God, in one of his sermons. He didn’t use her name, but I thought it sounded like Christi. Later, she told us he’d asked her permission.

Carol was still living in the apartment where she had signed a six-month lease. She was going to Chattanooga State and taking a computer class, and she was also working at Memorial Hospital. She was having to buy some furniture since she hadn’t kept anything except a couple of wicker chairs and an unheated waterbed. She bought a small TV, a microwave, a loveseat and a waterbed heater.

In February, she went to Georgia to visit Glen's family, even though her new friends at the hospital advised against it. She had been close to Glen's family, and they still treated her like they always had. They blamed Glen for the breakup, but Carol took up for him and assured them there was plenty of blame to go around. Glen had met someone and was planning to remarry. The wedding would be in another state, and his family weren't planning to go to the wedding. Carol seemed to feel they weren't supporting him enough. In spite of everything that happened, she still always defended him. After the divorce, the church had removed his name from the rolls. Carol resented the church having done this, even though Glen hadn't attended in a long time. She wasn't grieving over the divorce any more. I think she realized the relationship they had wasn't healthy for either of them, and it was best they both got on with their lives.

Mom and Dad were having problems. Dad was not only falling, but he was having bowel problems and was refusing to wear protection. She was constantly having to help him clean up, and sometimes he had accidents that caused her to need to clean the floor. At one point, she used paper towels and tried flushing them. The commode overflowed and flooded the house. They had to get a plumber and someone with vacuum pumps to dry out the carpet. Mom was nearly eighty and didn't need to have to deal with such problems. I felt helpless to know what to do about their situation. Dad's temper and lack of appreciation didn't help matters. 

Since Kimberly had become pregnant, Don called often to ask advice. I don't think he had anticipated the mood swings pregnant ladies sometimes have. He was worried about Kimberly and also wanted to talk about what it was like to be a parent. He seemed unsure if he was ready for that responsibility. Although he had graduated, he would still need to pass the chiropractic boards before he would be certified to open a practice. He was spending a lot of time studying in order to pass the exam.

I've told you many times, how much I have loved the years we spent together, and that if I could be granted the opportunity, I would relive every day of it, in a heartbeat. In remembering some of the problems we dealt with, I realize I wasn't being completely realistic. It was a good marriage, but in spite of the happy moments, no one's life is all a fairytale. Along with the good, come problems. That is life, and it is all a part of the grand adventure.  I don't regret a day of it.

Evan is 65 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 56 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 31, a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 30 and just graduated from Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-one. She is a sophomore in college and is working at a furniture store.
Glen Egolf is Carol's ex-husband. He lives in Florida and works in Orlando.
Lenny is Connie's ex-boyfriend.
Denny was the boy Christi had been dating.





 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 137
Home is a Place of Refuge

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Connie had to wear a Holter monitor for a while, as part of the tests for her heart. We checked back with her pediatrician in New Orleans, and there was nothing on her record to indicate she had an irregular rhythm pattern as a child. Her doctor said since her heart wasn’t giving her noticeable problems, she should be okay to work at the summer camp, but her heart would need to be monitored regularly. Connie was concerned about her life style, which had bordered on the wild side for the last few years, and her occasional use of drugs might have caused this problem. Although she tried not to act concerned, we felt this diagnosis had shaken her, and we hoped she would try to pay more attention to her health.

The lease she and Christi signed would be up for renewal about the time Connie would be leaving for summer camp, and Christi wouldn’t be able to afford the apartment on her own. She was getting burned out with the receptionist job, and seemed to be hoping they would fire her so she could start her own massage therapy business. Unfortunately, she was still doing all her massages out of our house, and as much as we hated it, you were unwilling to tell her she would have to go somewhere else. She told us she wanted to move back in with us. We told her if she did it would have to be temporary until she could find a place she could afford.

Glen’s brother, Barry, and his wife, Barbara, were living in Oklahoma and wanted Carol to come visit them, and she was anxious to go. The Ford Fiesta she had kept from the divorce wasn’t in good shape, and she had hoped to buy a new car.  In the end, she had some work done on it, but she was still afraid to drive it so far by herself. She asked if we would go part of the way with her. We agreed to drive as far as Memphis. You wanted to go to Mississippi anyway, and we could go down from Memphis and see a different part of the state. We would take the highway into Jackson and visit your sister, Maxine.

We did the trip near the middle of March, with Carol following in her car. Just before we reached Memphis, we noticed she wasn’t behind us and went back to find her. She had run completely out of gas. We told her it was dangerous for her to travel alone, but she said she would have paid closer attention, if we hadn’t been traveling with her. It had been years since we’d been in Memphis, and there was a lot we hadn’t seen. We found a motel and did a little tour of the city.

We drove by Graceland, Elvis's home, and went to the Peabody Hotel to see the traditional duck walk. They have a ceremony twice a day, for the ducks living in a duck palace on the hotel roof to march through the hotel lobby on their way to a pool where they spend the day. There is music, and the guests line up to watch the procession. The Peabody is old but beautiful. Later, we checked out the glass pyramid which is 321 ft. high and stands on the bank of the Mississippi River. It was completed in 1991 and was originally built as a sports arena which held over 20,000 people. It was very impressive.

Early the following morning, Carol left on her way to Oklahoma, and we drove down through the Mississippi Delta on our way to Jackson. We got to Maxine’s house just when she needed someone to help her. She had been in her yard doing gardening work and had cut a slice into her leg with a shovel. She needed help getting to the doctor, so we took her there and waited while he put many stitches into her leg. Jimmy had been living with her and doing some temporary work, but she was hoping he would soon go back to Newton and live with his mother. Helen didn’t drive and was dependent on neighbors for help.

We went by our place in the country and met our new tenants. You and I walked over the 127 acres. Afterward we drove on to Newton and visited my parents and your brother and sister. Dad was having to use a walker to get around and he was giving Mom a lot of problems. We got back to Chattanooga Sunday night.

Carol spent most of the week in Oklahoma. She drove back on Friday without any problem, in spite of there being light snow on the ground. She said she had a great time visiting them. She still felt at home with Glen’s family.

Connie was making horrible grades on the few courses she hadn’t dropped at Chattanooga State, and she was continuing to work part-time at the furniture store. She had started hanging out with some of the other young people working there. Her supervisor suspended her one day for coming in late, but the owner of the company told her she couldn’t suspend anyone, and instead, she should just fire all the young people. She did as he told her, and Connie was without a job by the end of March. She had nearly two months left before camp would start. She called us, crying. She felt the world was closing in on her, but she was determined not to move back home.

Don was also without work and was still studying to pass the boards. He asked if we had any work he could do for us. We told him we would pay him to paint our great room. He decided to take us up on the offer, even though he hated painting, and the room was large and 27 ft. high at the peak. He said he would enjoy being home for a change. I think he really wanted to get away from Kimberly for a while. The baby wasn’t due for five more months, but her mood swings were getting to him.

Evan is 65 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 56 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31 and just graduated from Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-one. She is a sophomore in college and is working at a furniture store.
Glen Egolf is Carol's ex-husband. He lives in Florida and works in Orlando.
Barry and Barbara: Glen's family members.
Maxine, Helen, and Jimmy: Evan's siblings and nephew.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 138
Currents of Change

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

It didn’t take Don very long to paint our great room. The wallpaper had to come down first, but it had been up so long the paste was loose, and it came down quickly. The room looked much nicer with the fresh paint. He even put in a small decorative window near the ceiling. He was with us less than a week.

After he went home, he found another construction job, but he hated working for other people. He wanted to sell their house and use the money to buy another fixer-upper, but Kimberly was against it. She said with a baby on the way, she needed more stability in her life. We agreed with her about that. They decided they wanted the baby delivered by a midwife, rather than a doctor. Kimberly was determined to have the baby at home.
*******

Connie had a lot of male friends who she did things with, but her main boyfriend, after Lenny, was J.P.  We didn’t know very much about him, other than the few things she mentioned. She was with him most of her free time. We did learn he had a temper, and they argued a lot. He wanted to meet us, but Connie was nervous about him being around us. I’m sure she was convinced we wouldn’t approve. He was nothing like Lenny. She did bring him over at Easter, but the visit was brief. It really bothered us, because we knew she was spending many nights at his apartment. 

Another thing happened in Connie’s life about this time, and it left her stunned. The eighteen-year-old sister of Connie’s best friend at the time got mixed up in a murder-for-hire plot. This sister was dating a divorced doctor. Connie knew the sister well and had worked with her at the furniture store. The murder-for-hire had been all over the news and had happened in an upscale neighborhood near us. The man, who the doctor’s ex-wife was dating, was murdered. The ex-wife was shot as she slept, and the three bullets that entered her brain, left her blind in one eye and with a bullet permanently lodged in her brain.

The doctor, who masterminded the plot, was eventually sentenced to life plus twenty-five years. The eighteen- year-old guy who agreed to commit the murder for money got a life sentence, but was pardoned by the governor in 2019, after having served twenty-five years. Connie’s friend’s sister, who was a party to the plot and had helped solicit the killer, completed her sentence in 2002, after eighteen years. In 1994, however, she was still confined to her home with an ankle bracelet awaiting trial. Connie continued to do things with her friend, hoping to cheer her up over her sister's troubles.

After Connie lost her job at the furniture company, she was able to get a job working at a cappuccino cart in the mall. She convinced Christi not to give up the apartment so quickly. She told her moving home would mean she was a loser, and we would make her life miserable wanting to know where she was and what time she would be getting home at night. Christi ended up borrowing $250 from Carol, so she’d have enough for another month’s rent. Christi was continuing to date many different guys, but she found some minor problem with all of them. She still wanted Denny back. She got excited when his friend told her Denny had broken up with the new girl he was dating. He'd said Christi was a "b$#ch", but this girl was even worse.
******

Carol had become friends with a man she met at a Bible study group. It turned out Christi knew Neil, and he had gotten a massage from her. He was shocked when he learned they were sisters. He told Carol he considered few women actually beautiful, but Christi was one who was. He couldn't believe the sister Carol had said so many negative things about could actually be the same person. 

Carol had a friend named Pam who lived in Chattanooga. Her husband, Phil, had been in Glen's nursing class during his first semester. The four of them were close and had taken trips together. They were all in the medical field. Pam and Phil's marriage was in trouble and they were separated. Pam had found an apartment she planned to move into, hoping her husband would eventually join her if the marriage counseling could bring them back together. The apartment was still under construction and not ready yet, so she moved in with Carol temporarily.
******* 

Early in May, Connie called, very depressed. Her good friend, Shawn, had died in a car accident the day before. He was drinking and driving. Shane was someone she knew from high school. She was also depressed because the kiosk where she was working had been sold, and the lady who bought it was giving her problems.  Connie said she had no money and needed to buy expensive climbing shoes and other climbing equipment for camp. She said she could no longer afford to live in the apartment and was going to start moving her things back home. 

She always brought all her laundry home to do, but Carol and Christi were bringing their laundry home as well. My machine was constantly going. Christi's was especially bad, because she had the sheets from the massages she did. The girls were even bringing their cars home to use our hose to wash them. At least, we got to see them all regularly.

Connie only had two classes left which she hadn't already dropped. They were nutrition and psychology. She got a C in one and a D in the other. The semester was a total waste. They were both nursing classes, and since she wasn’t likely to keep that major, she wouldn’t really need them. If she got back to college the next semester, she was going to have to get serious. Otherwise, this was an expense we didn't need.
******

Another thing that had happened during April of 1994 in this country was the death of ex-president Richard Nixon from a stroke, and a little later, the death of Jackie Kennedy Onassis. She had attended Nixon's funeral a week or so before her own death. She was suffering from cancer.
*******

On May twenty-third, Connie left on her way to Alabama for the summer camp. She had spent the night before at J.P.'s house, and he was very unhappy because she was going to be away for most the summer. We were glad she was leaving J.P. behind.

She had no way of knowing what a change of direction her life would take as a result of the summer experience. Life can change quickly, but for us and our children, it was never dull for long.

Evan is 65 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 56 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31 and just graduated from Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-one. She is a sophomore in college and only taking two courses.
Glen Egolf is Carol's ex-husband. He lives in Florida and works in Orlando.
J.P. is Connie's current boyfriend.  Sean is another of Connie's friends.
Pam and Neil are Carol's friends.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 139
Family Doors Swing Open Again

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Changes continued to occur for the younger members of our family. Carol gave notice on her apartment, and her friend, Pam, who was living with her until her new apartment was finished, invited Carol to move into it with her and help with the rent. Pam seemed to have mixed feelings about Carol moving in, because she was still in marriage counseling and hoping things might work out with her husband. If that happened, Carol would have to find another place to live. Carol liked the new apartment and hoped she would be able to stay there. It was at the foot of a mountain, and she told us the area looked like a park. The apartment was over a four-car- garage. It had two bedrooms and two baths and a large great room, dining/kitchen combination. It also had a large deck. 

Carol had been enjoying doing things with her friend, Neil, but now that she had made other friends, she found that most of them considered Neil to be obnoxious. She decided she wanted to back away from him, because she was afraid he was starting to become more serious. She didn’t like being with someone other people made fun of. The group would plan things and not invite him, but he’d get wind of it and show up anyway.

Kimberly was now five months pregnant and quite proud of her baby bump. She had dreamed of being a mother for years. Don was still doing some construction work, while studying to pass his boards. He was also working on building chiropractic tables and turning one room of their new home into a nursery.

You and I had to go over and move everything Connie left in the apartment when she went to camp, back to our house. Thankfully, she left everything in pretty good shape, and most of her loose items were packed in boxes. She was much neater than Christi. The large items were her bed, and an aquarium, with only two tropical fish remaining, and a small table. The TV and lamp were things she had borrowed from us. She also had a parakeet in a cage.

We had barely finished moving Connie's stuff back home, when Christi told us she would have to move back home too. She said she couldn’t afford the rent alone, and she needed us to help her move. She wanted to quit her job and start doing massages full time. We told her she was making our lives miserable bringing strangers in constantly, and we needed her to find another place to work before it became her main job. She promised she would, and said our house was just temporary. She said she was looking for another place to live as well. We were amazed she had kept her receptionist job as long as she had, because she was always in trouble for going in late.

Luckily, Larry, one of the guys she had been doing massages for, liked her and agreed to help her move. You and Larry were able to get a huge sofa bed that Denny had left in her apartment into the bedroom she would be using in our house. It took some of my help as well. After we finally finished getting all of her junk out, I went back with her and spent a couple of days trying to get the apartment back like it was, in order for her to get her deposit back. The sink was piled high with dishes, which must have been there since the first week. The refrigerator and stove were scary. There were stains on the carpet that wouldn't come up, so I doubt after all that work, she got the deposit back.

After a week at camp, we talked to Connie. During the first two weeks, they were only there for training and the actual camp wouldn’t start for another week. Connie had met two guys she really liked. One of them, named Charlie, seemed to really like her. He and the other guy were there to train the rock climbing instructors and would be leaving before camp started.

Connie said she was getting really good at it, but the other guy she would be assisting wasn’t very good. I imagine the two trainers were giving most of their attention to Connie, since she was a cute girl, and the guy wasn’t getting much in the way of instruction. She wasn’t happy her instructors would leave after one more week, but Charlie was already finding ways he could keep seeing her. She said he was cute and looked just like Woody from Cheers. Woody Harrelson was young and cute at the time.

We were glad Connie was starting to like someone who was a member of the type of church we attended. We hoped her ties with J.P. would be broken when she returned. Charlie lived in Mississippi and had attended the same boarding school that Don and Christi graduated from. He was now in college in Mississippi. 

After one week, Connie had already gone through all the money she had taken with her. Since camp hadn’t started, they were going into town and doing things. Her twenty-first birthday was the seventh of June, so we sent her a birthday card with money in it. Once the campers arrived, she wouldn’t be able to go away from camp often. The first week of campers would be for the blind kids.

With Christi living back home again, she was already starting to drive us nuts by staying out till all hours, and going in to work late in the morning. You had a doctor’s visit, and your blood pressure was up. The doctor had  to increase your medicine. I was sure Christi living with us again was contributing to the hypertension.

On June 12, O.J. Simpson’s wife was murdered and soon, O.J. became the suspect. This gave TV networks and talk shows fuel with which to drench the airways for many months to come, and would eventually end with what was called the trial of the century. Even those who weren't sports fans knew who O.J. was, but it hadn't occurred to us he might be capable of murder.

Evan is 65 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 56 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31 and just graduated from Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-one. She is a sophomore in college and only taking two courses.
Glen Egolf is Carol's ex-husband. He lives in Florida and works in Orlando.
J.P. is Connie's current boyfriend. Charlie is a new boy Connie's met at camp.
Pam and Neil are Carol's friends.
Larry is Christi's friend.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 140
The Summer of 1994

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

There was a break between the last week of camp training and the first week of actual camp. Connie took some of her new camp friends on a trip to Atlanta in her little red Hyundai. The camp was near Montgomery, Alabama, so they had to travel about 170 miles one way. Connie showed them all of her favorite spots in Atlanta.  Since the drive from Chattanooga to Atlanta was less than two hours, she and her friends had gone there often in the past. She had called Don and told him they planned to spend the night with him and Kimberly. They lived in Acworth, Georgia, so going there meant they would still have to drive 32 miles north of Atlanta.

From Don, I learned they didn't get to his house until two a.m., when he and Kimberly were in bed. The  kids raided their kitchen looking for something to eat. Kimberly felt they were being used, but Don said he had done things like that at Connie’s age. I do remember him bringing about ten kids home with him from the camp where he'd worked in California. We lived in New Orleans at the time, and the kids stayed several days and went to the 1984 World Fair. They were sleeping all over our floors, and I had to feed them. 

Connie’s car broke down on the way back, and they had to call the camp for someone to pick them up and arrange to have her car towed. The repairs were over $200, which you and I had to pay for.

The following week was blind camp. Connie said some of the kids were nearly as old as she was, and they were totally uncontrollable. She told us her group was the worst kids at the camp, and everyone felt sorry for her. She was very relieved when that week was over. Later, she had a group of kids she really enjoyed. Her group won the award for the best cabin that week. She called home often, and it seemed she was making a lot of friends and enjoying her work.

Connie’s boyfriend, J.P., called us and asked if we had heard from her. I told him we had talked to her once, after she returned from Atlanta. Since she hadn't bothered to tell him she was going to Atlanta, or to call him at all, he was pretty upset. He ended up calling her and reminding her she had promised to call him if she went to Atlanta, so he could meet her there. She wasn’t very happy with me for telling him. I have a feeling her new friend, Charlie, was along, and she didn't want J.P. to meet him.
*******

The River Bend Festival started, and Christi went two nights with different guys. She had more boyfriends than she knew what to do with, and she'd also joined Match Makers. After joining, she had several guys she had talked to calling her, as well. She didn’t like anyone she met on that site. We were constantly answering the phone for people wanting to talk to Christi, or to schedule a massage. We began to feel like we were her answering service. At least, some of the guys were keeping our house filled with fresh flowers. Christi was still moping over losing Denny, but to our way of thinking, he was the last person she needed in her life.
******

You and I skipped River Bend, and went to a local amusement park to hear a country singer. Your taste in music, at this time in our lives, seemed to be country, gospel, and some pop. I liked all of that, but I also liked many other types of music. The 23rd of June was our 38th wedding anniversary. Our celebration only  involved the two of us eating out at a nice restaurant. 

Most of your days were spent between working on your garden and digging on the storm shelter you were in the process of building. When I wasn’t working a short-term temporary job, I had started doing some creative writing. I’d taken a creative writing course at the university when we lived in New Orleans. Writing stories and poetry had always interested me, and for periods off and on, I had kept a journal.
******

We helped Carol move into the place she would be sharing with her friend Pam. Pam’s estranged husband, Phil, wasn’t pleased with Carol moving there, because he thought it was going to be the place where he could come to see Pam, and maybe get their marriage back on track. The apartment was owned by an engineer named George. He had built a four-car garage and was using it as his work space. He built the apartment over it to rent. Everything was finished except the bathroom Carol would be using.

Pam had a huge collection of life-size dolls that looked like odd little children from a past generation. They were sitting in chairs all over the place and really looked a bit eerie. Other than that, it was a really nice place with a lot of trees and a mountain towering over it. George lived in a larger house on the property, which included six acres and extended to the top of the mountain. 

Shortly after Carol moved in, her friend Neil invited her to fly to Chicago with him to visit his parents. Carol had been trying to distance herself from him, but she'd never been to Chicago, so she decided to go. You and I took them to the airport to fly out. You hadn’t met Neil before, and there wasn’t time to get acquainted before they had to leave, but you weren’t impressed. I think you visualized your daughter with a younger, better-looking guy.
*******

Kimberly wanted to spend a few days at home with her family, so she and Don came up from Georgia. Don decided to stay with us and help you with the storm shelter. He had just completed a project, involving finishing out the interior of a basement in a house owned by a wealthy man in the Atlanta area.

The guy had expressed an interest in investing in Don’s chiropractic-table-building business. He gave Don a book and some tapes on something called The Instant Millionaire, which had gotten Don all worked up about becoming rich. We weren’t impressed by what we heard, because the theory was people should start living like they were already millionaires, and by doing that, soon they would realize their dream. Don and Kimberly had been spending money like they were millionaires ever since they'd been married, and they were going deeper and deeper into debt.

Don was a strong hard worker. He was able to finish the digging you’d been doing for months. In a very short time, he had the slab poured for the storm shelter. You would brick up the walls and build the roof, since he had to go back home before it could be completed.
******

Connie would return from camp before the end of the summer with a renewed commitment to finishing her education and applying herself more seriously toward life as a responsible adult.

Evan is 65 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 56 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31 and just graduated from Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin.  She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-one. She is a sophomore in college and only taking two courses.
Glen Egolf is Carol's ex-husband. He lives in Florida and works in Orlando.
J.P. is Connie's current boyfriend. Charlie is a new boy Connie's met at camp.
Pam and Neil are Carol's friends.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 141
Another Birdie Back in the Nest

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Connie decided she wanted to go back to college full time in the fall. While she was still at camp, she asked me to go to Chattanooga State and pick up her transcripts. She had 68 college hours, but not all of them would transfer from the junior college to the University of Tennessee. Her plan was to change her major to Interior Design, a field she had always found interesting. She thought she could finish in two more years.

Before Connie’s camp session was over, J. P was calling constantly to see if we’d heard anything from her. She wasn’t trying very hard to maintain a relationship with the guys she had been dating before going off to camp. We hadn’t expected J. P. would be someone to be so concerned about her. I’d assumed he would find another girlfriend, with her away for a while. At first, Connie had talked about Charlie, the guy she met at camp, but on one of her later calls, she’d said she didn’t expect things to work out with him, because he lived too far away. He lived in a tiny Mississippi town near Hattiesburg. 

As camp was ending, Connie got in trouble with the camp director. Some of her latest group of teenage girls had left graffiti all over the walls of the cabin. Connie said she didn’t realize some of the girls had gone back to her cabin, because there had been no writing on the walls when she left. When the writing was discovered and the director learned of it, he was very angry and blamed her. The graffiti proclaimed Connie is the greatest, but there were some very negative comments about him. He insisted Connie remain an extra day and clean all the writing from the cabin. When she did leave camp, she went by the way of Georgia to visit with Don and Kimberly again.

Before she made it back home, J.P. was driving us nuts, but Charlie was calling from Mississippi as well.  Neither of them seemed to understand why it was taking her so long to get home.

“Ahh….to be young again and to be truly missed,” I exclaimed. You gave me your exaggerated, hurt expression. “Just kidding,” I added. “I know you’d miss me. If I’m an hour late getting home, you’re on the phone calling to make sure I’m okay. I know you couldn’t live without me. I’m the same about you; remember the time you had a flat when you were on the way back from Mississippi, and you didn’t call to tell me you were spending the night in a motel. I had the police out looking for you.” 

“You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?” you asked with a sigh.

The day after Connie returned home, the camp director called her and apologized for the way he had acted toward her. He told her she had done an excellent job as a camp counselor and rock climbing instructor. We were relieved, because we didn’t want the incident to leave a negative impact on her summer experience. Connie wasn’t thrilled about having to live at home again, but she was trying to make the best of it and hoping it would be only temporary.

J.P’s car was in the repair shop, so Connie went over and picked him up and brought him back here to spend the night in our guest room. She also had a long conversation with Charlie, who was trying to figure out a way to continue their friendship.

Don called and told us Mom needed his help on some roof repair and painting work, and he planned to go to Mississippi on Wednesday. Connie wanted to go with him, hoping Charlie could drive up and see her. I decided I needed to go check on Mom and Dad as well. You agreed I should go, so I drove Connie and myself to Atlanta.

Kimberly was nearly seven months pregnant, and although she was seeing a midwife for delivery, she wanted an ultrasound to make sure everything was going smoothly. We arrived in time to go with her and Don for the procedure. It was quite easy to see on the ultrasound the baby was a girl. Don couldn’t believe it, because he’d been so certain it was going to be a boy. He even thought he’d figured out a way to make sure it would be a boy. It was like when he was ten and I’d given birth to Connie. He asked my doctor if he could go back and look again and make sure there wasn’t a boy in my stomach, he might have missed. He’d felt outnumbered by women all his life.

On our way to Mississippi, Don drove and Connie sat up front. Their conversation showed that Connie’s experience at camp had made a big impact on her life. She and Don talked freely about God, which was very unusual for Connie, who had always hated going to church.  After we got to Mom and Dad’s place, Don took Connie part of the way toward Hattiesburg and they met Charlie. Don gave him a hard time, mostly kidding, but asking all sorts of questions. I think he embarrassed Connie.

Don got busy doing the work Mom was paying him to do. Mom was turning eighty, but her health seemed good. Dad, at eighty-four,  was having problems. He got up in the night and got lost. He often fell, and Mom really needed help with him. I felt bad that we lived so far away. Neither of them were ready to leave their home and move closer to us. 

After the work was finished, Don wanted to go to the nearby town of Philadelphia to see the Indian casino, which had been recently built. Mom wanted a chance to get out of the house, so the three of us went. It was the first time I’d ever been in a Casino, and I was shocked that something so near our little town could be so elaborately decorated. Don was blown away by it too. He said it looked just like Las Vegas, and it stuck out in the middle of rural Mississippi.

I got to meet Charlie when he brought Connie back to Newton on Sunday. He seemed nice, and she was right; he did look a lot like Woody Harrelson on Cheers. Connie said she liked his parents, although she hadn’t gotten to see them very long. Connie and Charlie had gone to Gulfport with some of his friends. They had gone to a casino, too, where he won fifty dollars. I was disappointed to learn he liked to play the slots.

Charlie complained about how far it was from his house to Newton, to bring Connie back. He said Highway 15 was totally boring. In spite of the complaints, it wouldn’t be the last we would see of Charlie.

Evan is 65 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 56 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31 and just graduated from Life Chiropractic College. 
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. She is pregnant with their first child.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-one. She will be a junior in college. 
J.P. is Connie's current boyfriend. Charlie is a new boy Connie's met at camp.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 142
Something's Got to Give

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

The months following Connie’s return from being a rock-climbing instructor and girl’s counselor at a Christian summer camp turned out to be a stressful time for our entire family. Both Christi and Connie were living at home again. Both girls were past the age of having their parents control their actions, and despite the fact that neither of them were contributing financially, they felt we shouldn’t interfere with their lives. However, they were living under our roof, and their actions impacted our peace of mind. Connie was not happy to be home. If she could have afforded it, she would have preferred her own apartment. Christi liked the fact that she was saving on rent. She also expected us to continue allowing her to do massages in one of our spare rooms. 

During the time Don and I  spent at Mom and Dad’s place, and while Connie was visiting Charlie's family, I learned some disturbing things about our children I’d not known before. I imagine most siblings share things that their parents may never be privy to. However, Don and I had always had a good relationship and had shared many deep conversations over the years. Since he was married now and had lived away from home a few years, our chances to talk had been limited. One night he couldn’t sleep and came into my room to talk. It was true confession time. He not only shared everything he’d ever done behind our backs, but also everything he knew about, which his sisters had kept from us as well. Before revealing all this, he'd gotten my promise to listen without being judgmental and to keep it just between us. It was both enlightening and disturbing to find our children had more secrets than we could have imagined. I knew our child rearing skills were imperfect, but I had assumed we had done a passable job of raising them to be good people. 

I didn’t tell you when I got back home, because I had to honor my promise to Don. Besides, I didn’t know how you might react to learning that on one of Connie’s many trips to Georgia with friends, she’d had to rouse Don at two in the morning to bail her out of jail. She and the young man she was traveling with were drinking and driving. She was a minor at the time, so hopefully her record was expunged when she turned eighteen. She’d also helped a friend pay for an abortion. We had allowed Connie much more freedom than we had the older children. Because of her volatile nature, we'd been afraid if we were too strict, we might lose her. As a result, Connie had gotten away with more than the others. He questioned her morals as well as Christi’s. He admitted that he and Kimberly had gotten involved with drugs and drinking too. Carol was the only one of the four who still remained a saint. I'm finally sharing things which might have raised your blood pressure earlier. Be thankful, you didn't have to hear about them back then.
*****

On returning to Chattanooga, Connie was at loose ends. J.P., who had suffered through her time at camp and had been so anxious for her return, found her changed. She constantly picked fights with him and attempted to break  off their friendship. She went out with other male and female friends, but avoided doing things with him. At night, she ran our phone bill into the triple digits, talking to Charlie for hours. She begged him to move to Chattanooga, but he was attending Mississippi Southern in Hattiesburg. He didn’t mind a long-distance relationship, but Connie didn’t feel she could handle one. Charlie wrote her interesting letters which she let me read. I was surprised that he seemed deep and philosophical.

Connie searched for work and was eventually offered a job at a local climbing wall in Chattanooga. Her first day on the job, she learned what had been easy with children, was a whole different story when it came to holding the ropes for a large man, climbing the high concrete wall on one of the city's bridges. She dropped a very heavy man. He wasn’t badly injured, but she was terrified he might sue. The man who hired her still wanted her back, but Connie was embarrassed and refused to return. She went out of town and avoided his phone calls.

Carol was also having a bad time, because although she loved the garage apartment she was living in with her friend, Pam decided she’d made a mistake by having Carol move in. She wanted the apartment just to herself. Her estranged husband was keeping her upset by seeing another woman, and Pam was giving Carol the cold shoulder. They were barely speaking. Carol had paid for four months, and she hoped to be able to stay that long. She was still seeing her friend, Neil, and had made a second trip to Chicago with him. Glen called her several times and wanted to remain friends. He wanted to talk about his upcoming wedding, but Carol didn’t want to hear about it. She still loved Glen’s family and was continuing to have a good relationship with her former in-laws. 

Don had made a mistake by giving up the construction job he had while waiting to pass the boards. Kimberly resented that she was pregnant and had to pull most of the financial weight while Don remodeled their house and worked odd jobs. They finally realized they had gotten themselves into a horrible financial crisis, and it was causing a lot of verbal fights. Kimberly’s mother, Jane, got involved and said some hurtful things to me about Don. She tried to cause problems between Kimberly and me, by telling her I said she was fat. I had said nothing remotely like that, but I’d learned Jane could be a troublemaker, and I suspected she had some severe emotional problems of her own she was dealing with. Don was depressed and needed money fast. You had to get into our savings and give them $3,000, which past experience told us was a loan they would never repay.

Christi was still dating many different men. One of them, named Matt, was a member of our church and a decent person. He was divorced and had custody of his two small children. I often kept the children while they were out. She was still finding fault with all her guys. Christi was doing quite a bit of singing. She sang at several weddings and went to places with karaoke. She and her friend, Jack, also sang at a restaurant sometimes for tips. She still had her receptionist job, but after staying out late most nights, she wasn’t getting enough sleep to function. At one point, she fell asleep on the toilet and banged her head against the wall, which caused a huge bruise.

I was working temp jobs. Most lasted a few days to a week. At one point, I contracted a severe cold and was sick a few days. You had been keeping busy outside, pouring a concrete slab and moving dirt from the storm shelter you had dug. Also, you had a bumper crop of vegetables ready to harvest in your garden. Unfortunately, you got my cold, and it turned into bronchitis. The medicine you took to clear it up caused an infection in your intestinal tract. You were seriously ill for the entire month of August. You kept trying to go outside and work, but every time you did you got worse. Fever and night sweats were so bad, you often had to change clothes in the middle of the night, and your blood pressure was out of sight as well. It was early September when we changed doctors and he put you on some medicine that helped.

Things going on in all of our lives had left us all on edge, and tempers flared. We were at a loss to know how to deal with the
tension, but we were aware that something had to give.

Evan is 65 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 56 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 30, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College, waiting to pass the boards. 
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. She is pregnant with their first child.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-one. She will be a junior in college. 
J.P. is Connie's current boyfriend. Charlie is a new boy Connie's met at camp.
Matt, among others, is someone Christi is dating. Jack is a friend and singing partner.
Jane is Kimberly's mother.
 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 144
Saying Good-bye to 1994

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

As the summer of 1994 drew to a close, Connie learned that Charlie was thinking of changing his major, and he wanted to check out the colleges in the Chattanooga area. She told me that he would be coming to visit and would be staying in our guest room. He had a grandmother who lived in North Alabama, and Charlie talked his parents into paying her a visit and bringing him along. Since Boaz, Alabama wasn't that far from Chattanooga, Connie agreed to go down and pick him up. 

It was your first time to meet Charlie. Don and I had met him earlier when we were in Newton. You and Charlie got off to a good start, because he was easy to talk to, and he seemed to know a lot about things you found interesting. Like you, he was a typical Mississippi country boy, and since he was a member of the same denomination we belonged to, the two of you had common interests. This was unusual because you weren't one for small-talk, and you'd not found much in common with other love interests our children had dragged in.

No one mentioned to Charlie the guest room where he would be staying was also the place where we kept Connie' s parakeet. Charlie must have noticed the cage, but he wasn't aware the bird was able to open the cage door and fly free. We awoke the following morning to a blood curdling yell from the guest room. We all rushed to see what might have happened to our house guest. We found Charlie ducking and batting the air with his hands, while a very disturbed little bird circled the room trying to figure out who was this unfriendly stranger who dared to invade his territory. The parakeet was used to being allowed to sit on our shoulders and peck at our cheek. We thought Charlie's reaction was hilarious, but Connie didn't seem to appreciate our sense of humor.

Charlie stayed a couple of days. I assume Connie showed him the colleges Chattanooga had to offer, but he didn't intend to move here for the fall semester. He had decided he wanted to become an EMT and would be going to Mississippi Southern College in Hattiesburg for the fall semester. Connie took him to Atlanta one of the days, and they visited Don and Kimberly. She also took him to a place she and her friends liked called Little Five Points. Charlie declared it to be a 'Sodom and Gomorrah'. To a Mississippi country boy, it was a bit too wild. 

Connie took him back to Alabama the following day, to ride home with his parents. She met his grandmother who was part Indian. Charlie told her when they had family reunions, one relative came in full native Indian costume with headdress.

When Connie got back in school this time, she was at the University. Her old boyfriend, Lenny, was a student there, in the process of getting two majors. Lenny's sister was also in school there, and she was in one of Connie's classes. By this time, Lenny had a steady girlfriend, who was attending UTC. Connie and Lenny talked briefly once, when she asked to borrow a cage for a hamster she'd brought from camp. He seemed nervous about being around her. She was told by others his new girlfriend was extremely jealous of her. She learned just how jealous when the girl confronted her and let her know Lenny was off limits, and he was now her property. 

With Charlie back in Mississippi and Connie back in college, she found time to do things with other friends, both girls and boys. She did things, from time to time, with J.P, but he realized he was no longer the main guy in her life. Connie got upset if much time passed without hearing from Charlie. For a while they talked on the phone, but his parents, as well as you and I, did our best to discourage those expensive, long-distance phone calls. They began to write letters to each other. Connie let me read some of the letters. He was creative and he often wrote poetry to her. I was impressed with his writing ability, but not so much his spelling, which was pretty awful.

Don called asking us for a loan because they were in financial trouble, and Kimberly was scheduled to give birth in a little over a month. We loaned them $3,000, but time would prove we wouldn't be getting any of it back. We had them sign a loan agreement, but they had some astronomical school loans, and Don still was waiting to take his boards in order to become a certified Chiropractor.

On the morning of October 5, Don called us excited because Kimberly was in labor. She had a midwife who would be delivering the baby. Don asked if we would be coming down. I had thought about it, but I knew I hadn't wanted anyone in the family there, other than you, when I gave birth. I told him we'd come later to see our new grandchild. Kimberly's mom went down immediately. Don called back later that afternoon to let us know that Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby was a healthy baby and Kimberly was doing fine. I think Connie was more excited than anyone. Kimberly had used mine and her mother's names, but the little girl would be called Lauren. She was our first grandchild, and our son was thrilled to be a father.

We did go the following Sunday to see our granddaughter, and it was fun to be able to cuddle the new addition and to know our family line would continue. At least, one of our four had provided us with a grandchild. Time would tell if there would be more. 

Shortly after the baby was born Don spent the weekend taking his boards, and he passed them. He had done a fine job of reworking the house which had been trashed when they bought it. It was their plan to sell the house, move back to Chattanooga and see if he could find an established Chiropractor, who would let him come in with him, until he could get his own practice off the ground.

Christi was continuing to live with us and do massages and work at her receptionist job. She was seeing a lot of different guys. Just when it looked as though she was interested in one, she would sabotage the relationship by finding someone else she found more to her liking. There was a club near us that had live music at night, and she persuaded them to let her perform there. At least twice a week she sang country songs, and occasionally she was able to get her friend Jack to sing with her. Christi had a good voice, but her life went in too many different directions. She might have done well in office work, but she was always on the verge of getting fired for coming in late. She might have had a successful massage business, but she made her clients wait, and she talked too much while doing the massages and wasn't professional enough with folding her sheets and towels. 

I was using my free time to do a little writing of poems and short stories, and Christi decided she wanted to be a writer. She tried her hand at writing country songs and wanted to write and publish a self-help book. She had read a lot of self-help books dealing with her problems, and now she felt qualified to write a book, although she hadn't conquered her own issues. With so many different interests, she had no time to hone her skills in any one direction.

Carol was dealing with her problems too, but at least, she seemed to be able to handle them herself. Things were up the air as to whether or not she would be able to stay where she was. Living with Pam was touch and go. Pam was kept in turmoil over Phil, who she had hoped to have move into the apartment. In November, Pam gave up on Phil and decided to take a job in Crossville. Carol had the choice of continuing to rent the garage apartment, and she was much happier after Pam moved out. She invited Connie to move in with her and Connie loved the idea. Now our household was once again at three with Christi still at home. 

Carol changed jobs in December leaving Memorial Hospital to work for a rehab hospital. She was also taking a computer course at the community college in case she decided she wanted to get out of nursing entirely.

In December, Mom called me and said she had cataracts which had to be removed and asked if I could come and take her to Meridian to have the surgery. Dad was eighty-four and had bad eyesight as well, and she didn't trust his driving.  I went down and took her to have one eye done. The second eye was scheduled for January. I also took her to the heart doctor while there, because she had had some concerns in that area and her cholesterol was extremely high.

I brought Mom and Dad back to Chattanooga with me to stay a few days, because they were anxious to see their new great-grandchild. It was Dad's first time to visit our house in Chattanooga. Don and Kimberly brought the baby over and Mom got to hold her all afternoon. I was glad I got to take pictures with the two of them with the baby, because as it turned out, there wouldn't be another chance.

Evan is 66 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 57 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly Dye is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. She will give birth to their first child in this chapter.
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is the new baby that is born in the chapter.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-one. She and a junior in college. 
J.P. is Connie's last boyfriend. Charlie is her new boy Connie's met at camp. Lenny is a boyfriend from highschool she dated three years.
Pam is Carol's roommate and Phil is Pam's husband who is soon to be an ex.
Jane is Kimberly's mother.


 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 144
Aging Parents In Need of Help

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

January 1995, found me working a part time job for a company that reproduced and packaged VCR movies and tapes for sales and distribution. I had turned down several full time jobs that would have led to permanent employment. I was enjoying time at home after working full time so many years. I didn’t want to get back into printing, since the field was changing so much from the way I had been trained. I was happier learning to use a computer and doing a little writing. Also, it was nice having some free time to do things with you, and you seemed pleased to have me at home more.

Connie was getting reacquainted with her older sister. She had recently moved in with her, after Carol’s roommate moved out of the apartment they were sharing. There was a twelve years age difference between the girls. Carol had left home when Connie was five, but before that, she had adored her little sister. I was almost envious of their bonding, knowing Connie was confiding in Carol more than she had been willing to do with me.

Connie would soon start the second semester of her junior year at the University, in her quest for a degree in Interior Design. She had two part-time jobs. The main one was in the linen department of Waccamaw, a home furnishing chain store.

On the spur of the moment, before the new semester started, Connie decided to visit Charlie again. The long-distance relationship was wearing thin. Carol agreed to drive her as far as mother’s, which was 300 miles of the distance, and Charlie drove eighty more to pick her up. Carol only stayed one day, because she had to get back to her job. Connie got a ride back with some students who went to school in Chattanooga.

A week after they were there, Mom came down with flu and was sick for a week, and Daddy fell twice during January. Mom’s back was in bad shape, but she had to try to get him up, because he wouldn’t let her call anyone to help. Once he fell while she was shopping, and he had to lie on the hall floor until she returned. Since I was their only child, their problems were keeping me up at night. I knew they needed help, but I didn’t know how to help from so far away.

You kept me worried, as well, because your blood pressure continuously ran too high, and you sometimes had chest pains at night. You were always worrying about yourself, and Carol thought you were having panic attacks. We avoided trips to the emergency room, because I was usually able to talk you into relaxing enough so you would finally fall asleep. Another problem keeping us awake was a bank we were dealing with in Georgia which appeared to have lost a large certificate of deposit we had invested with them. Everyone in the family seemed to be having problems.

In spite of the money we’d loaned Don and Kimberly, they were so deeply in debt they needed to sell their house before they lost it. They had borrowed money from her mother as well, and Jane was demanding it back. They were selling off everything they owned and had traded their car for a less expensive one. Some days, they talked of moving back to Chattanooga, and other days, they talked of moving to Arizona. Don had two sections of the chiropractic certification which were enough in some states, but Tennessee required a another section, involving physical therapy. This meant more classes and another certification test, before he could practice.

So much seemed out of control at the beginning of the year, but we were pleased that all of our children were going to church regularly every week. Don and Kimberly were active in the church in Atlanta. and they’d had a dedication service for their new baby. Carol, Christi, and Connie were attending our Chattanooga church each week with their own friends. Unfortunately, church attendance doesn't guarantee families will be free of trouble 

Christi was not without her problems, and living with her wasn’t easy. In some ways, she was our biggest problem, but we’ll save that discussion for another day. We had so many other things we needed to deal with that Christi’s issues had to be left on the back burner.

Shortly into February, Mom called me crying so badly I couldn’t understand what she was saying. She finally managed to let me know she thought she was having a nervous breakdown. She said she couldn’t cope any longer, and she had to have help. I knew I had to go and see what I could do. She was eighty, with a bad back and other health problems. Having to deal with Dad’s falling episodes, his bowel problems and incontinence had worn down all of her reserves. He was five years older than her.

I took some time off and drove to Mississippi, leaving you behind to deal with our animals and other issues. I’d never driven over 300 miles alone before, but I arrrived without incident. Just having me there, caused Mom to settle down. Dad was more docile than I’d ever seen him. He seemed to realize that Mom was no longer the high energy person she had been for the last sixty years. I stayed with them most of the week, and they agreed to go back to Chattanooga with me.

After a week with us, they were both better and wanted to go back home. During the week, it snowed several times. Mom and Dad sat on the sofa together holding hands and watching the snow come down. Dad had always given Mom a hard time with his impatience and stormy nature. It seemed he had mellowed as he aged, and it was shocking to see them acting like love-birds.

They were both in fair shape, physically and mentally, when we took them back to Newton that weekend. The crisis was averted for now. But at their age and only me to deal with the care they would need soon, we realized we had only put a band-aid on a situation which would continue to escalate.

THIS IS US:
Evan is 66 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 57 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly s Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. She gave birth to their first child in October '94,
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's new baby
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-one. She and a junior in college. 
Charlie is her new boy Connie's met at camp. He lives in South Mississippi and attends Mississippi Southern College. 
Jane is Kimberly's mother. 




                                                   

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 145
Problems and Solutions

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Among the many things which caused us concern during the early part of 1995 was the people who were leasing the house we had built on our 143-acre farm property in Mississippi weren’t paying the rent on time. When we contacted them by mail, we received a letter back with a list of complaints. Since the rent was extremely reasonable, we were surprised and disappointed. However, we knew the problems they listed would have to be fixed. The roof was leaking, and they claimed the house was too cold, because we had never insulated the attic. It was causing their heating bill to be too high.

Since Don was presently without work, and he and Kimberly were having financial problems, we saw it as an opportunity to give him some work and take care of our tenant’s problem as well. Don could stay with Mom and Dad and commute the forty miles to our property. Don had the building skills needed, and he worked fast. Also, he would be there if Mom and Dad should need his help.

Don had to leave Kimberly and Lauren, but her mom was looking for a chance to visit Kimberly and the baby. She was thrilled to have an opportunity to bond with her grandchild.

We were upset when Don told us the tenants were trashing the place. The parents worked and there were five kids. He said the house was filthy inside. He also said there were a couple of seedy looking characters hanging around, and the house smelled of pot. We had known there might be problems with leasing a place so far from where we lived. We'd used an agency to find tenants and hadn't met the Dodsons personally. The job cost us about $2,000 for Don to fix the leak and install insulation, but we were pleased to have it done. Without our son, I don't know how we would have managed.
*****

Connie and Charlie kept managing to get together, despite the miles. He made several trips up, and she went down with friends for Mardi Gras in New Orleans and Charlie met her there. By March, they were talking of getting married in May. Connie even seemed willing to move to Mississippi, in spite of the fact she’d never liked going there with us.

You and I didn’t feel they had known each other long enough. Connie had learned that Lenny, her boyfriend from high school, was engaged and soon to be married. We wondered if that might be influencing her desire for a wedding. We were relieved when they decided to wait until they’d had a chance to be around each other more. Charlie said he might think about moving to Chattanooga when school was out for the summer.
******

Both of us were having physical issues. You were convinced that you had a heart problem, and this kept both of us worried. In spite of our concern, your heart doctor wasn’t finding anything when he did numerous tests and had you wear a halter monitor for a week. Still, you often had weak spells causing your heart to race. It always managed to alarm you to the point you assumed you might be dying. 

I had suffered from an electrical problem with my own heart, since I was in my twenties. A sudden movement on my part, or even eating sweets could trigger my heart to palpitate up to 160 beats a minute, and it always frightened me. The incidents were occurring more often. My doctor said I needed a cardiac ablation, which would cauterize the area of my heart triggering the fast beat. I didn’t like the thought of having that done, so both of us continued freaking out when we had problems.

Don had learned of something which he was convinced was a miracle cure. He was growing a mushroom-like fungus in a dark area and making something called kombucha tea. The fungus developed and grew when boiled water, sugar and tea were combined in given proportions and allowed to ferment for about seven days. In spite of the fact the growth looked like something alien and deadly, Don gave you a start, and soon, you were growing it as well and drinking the tea daily.

Amazingly, it seemed to have been an answer for you. Soon you had everyone in the family drinking it. You continued brewing this concoction for several years and apparently, feeling good as a result. I don’t know if it was really that beneficial, or if it was like a placebo that made you believe you were cured.

These days, Connie drinks Kombucha Tea, commercially bottled and sold everywhere, and she’s convinced it helps her with her health problems. It is supposed to be very rich in nutrients.
*****

This was a period during which Carol, our quietest daughter, was having a very active social life, with a group of friends she had met at church. They went to Christian concerts, hiked, went on campouts and played volleyball at the school gym. Along with her friend, Neil and a Chinese boy, named Vincent, Carol had several admirers, but the guy she was most interested in, eventually started dating someone else. Carol had never mastered the art of flirting or letting a guy know she was interested. It was apparent if she ever found the right man in her life, he would have to be the one who would do all the pursuing.
******

Christi was dating a really nice guy named Matt, who had two small children Christi was crazy about. I think Christi really cared about Matt, and hoped they might eventually marry. But the relationship was stormy, because both of them had problems. They were constantly fighting about something and threating to break up. This kept Christi in an emotionally volatile state, which we had trouble dealing with. She would often forget she had scheduled a massage at our house, and the client would sit waiting, while we tried to contact her. She lost clients this way, and having strangers in our house waiting around, was a problem for both of us.
*******

In March, I got a notice that I had been selected for jury duty, and I might be called to serve within the next three months. You had served many times and had, at times, been excused from serving. Women weren’t called very often, and I was excited, because I’d always wanted that experience. I hoped they would call me for a major crime case and not something boring. The murder trial had started in California for O.J. Simpson and it was being televised. I hoped for a case like that.

If I had known what lay ahead, I think I might have tried to figure out a way to get out of serving. It wouldn’t be my proudest moment.

THIS IS US:
Evan is 66 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 57 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly s Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. She gave birth to their first child in October '94,
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's new baby (5 mos.)
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-one. She and a junior in college. 
Charlie is the new boyfirend Connie's met at camp. He lives in South Mississippi and attends Mississippi Southern College. 
Lennie is a boy Connie dated for five years. He is attending same University and is engaged.
Jane is Kimberly's mother. 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents. (picture; Kombucha tea)

Chapter 146
Jury Duty

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

During the month of March, Don and Kimberly were talking about moving to Michigan. Don thought it was the state where he wanted to start his chiropractic practice. Kimberly’s sister lived there with her husband. We never knew all the details, but when her sister, Shana, left Chattanooga, she severed her ties with Jane, their mother. Kimberly and Shana remained close, and her sister bought a lot of cute and expensive outfits for the baby. She had a good job in Michigan, and she told Kimberly she would be guaranteed a job if they would move there. 

We didn’t say anything negative about the move when they mentioned it, but we were hoping they wouldn’t move so far away. I know Jane didn’t want them to move. Since she wasn’t welcome in Michigan by Shana, she was unlikely to see much of her first grandchild.

In the middle of March, I was called back in to court to fill out the application for the jury duty. The computer had picked 120 people at random to serve, or give reasons why they couldn’t serve. I was one of sixty who wasn’t eliminated and was told to return the following Tuesday. When I returned, they were down to 60 prospective jurors, from which they would pick twelve and four alternates for the upcoming trial. I didn’t expect to be chosen, but mine was the sixth name called, out of thirty-five who would be questioned by the judge and the trial lawyers.

The trial was a criminal case with five defendants and three federal lawyers, who were the prosecuting attorneys. There were five defense lawyers; one for each of the five people who were accused. One of the accused was a renowned University of Tennessee professor of Space Technology. He owned a business which operated using government contracts. Another man, also implicated, was a professor emeritus, and he too had a business that benefited from government contracts.

These two men were accused of granting three students, who were working on master degrees, their degrees, without them doing the required work. The prosecution claimed these students were in a position of being able to swing government contracts in exchange for their degrees. They were charged with having their thesis and dissertations given to them to pass off as their own work. The professors and the students would be charged on numerous counts, and the trial was expected to last a month or more.

The judge and six of the lawyers questioned all thirty-five of us extensively. The lawyers kept dismissing certain individuals for reasons I didn’t understand. Finally, there were only sixteen of us left. I was assigned to be one of the twelve who would serve and the four others were alternates.  By the time the questioning was over, I had a splitting headache. It was a combination of tension from the questions I had to answer, and the fact the early spring pollen count was extremely high. Earlier, I was eager to be chosen, but by this time, I was starting to have serious doubts.

They dismissed us for lunch, and I went with a couple of the other ladies. Food helped ease my headache. I was on a starvation diet and trying to lose weight for an upcoming class reunion in May. From that day on, one of the ladies started bringing food for us to munch on during the breaks, and other members pitched in for doughnuts with our free morning coffee. My diet went down the drain.

The afternoon session consisted of caution from the judge to not discuss the trial among ourselves or anyone else. We were to avoid newspapers and other media stories concerning the case. Afterward, the lawyers gave their opening statements. The judge was a likable man who joked a lot, much to my surprise. All of the lawyers seemed pleasant, as well. The jurors were a general assortment from all ages and walks of life. My opinion regarding them was still out at this point.

The following day, the prosecution began calling witnesses. The first was a very nervous student who had flunked out of the doctorate program. He was in the Navy at the space station in Florida. He claimed the professor had hinted that if he had influence sending government contracts to certain businesses, he could have a doctorate dissertation written for him, which would guarantee him a degree.

The prosecution had many witnesses and their testimonies were long and often very boring. One was from a lady employed by the professor’s business. She told about the day the FBI came, seized documents, and asked the professor to leave. She claimed he refused to leave and got on his computer and began erasing everything. The FBI eventually took all the computers and closed the business down. 

After each witness was questioned, the defense got their turn. Often they were able to make it seem the witness was lying, or had something to gain by testifying for the prosecution. Only two of the three students on trial were present. The third student was in hospice with terminal cancer, so less was said implicating him than for the other two.

The case against the professors was compelling, but the two students claimed the work they turned in was their own, and that they were never approached by the professors and never agreed to send any government work their way. Both of the students seemed very intelligent. I found it hard to believe they would agree to such an arrangement. One was a lady in her twenties and the other was a man in his late thirties.

The testimonies and questioning went on from nine in the morning until around five in the afternoon every week day, for six long weeks. We got a much needed fifteen or twenty-minute break in the mornings and afternoons.

It seemed to me by the time the defense got around to presenting their case, most of the jurors were tired and had made up their minds that everyone was guilty. They were ready for this trial to be over.

When the students took the stand, I was impressed with their testimonies and the fact that the prosecution wasn’t able to shake them. They claimed the professor had changed some of the wording on their work, in order to make it seem he was doing them a favor. They asserted they had no intention of sending any work his way. No work was ever proven to have been given to the professors. I was disappointed in the judge, because it seemed to me, he was prejudiced in favor of the prosecution. He was giving the defense lawyers a hard time.

On the nineteenth of April, something happened that shook us all. As we were about to be dismissed for lunch the judge informed us that there had been a bombing at a courthouse in Oklahoma. Security was being tightened in all the courthouses around the nation. We learned more about the Oklahoma bombing later in the day.

The following morning when we came in, there were guards around the courthouse and a camera and scanners had been installed. Each of us had a metal detector run over our bodies as we entered. This was the beginning of a tightening of security which has only continued to increase over time.

This Is Us:
Evan is 66 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 57 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly s Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. She gave birth to their first child in October '94,
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's new baby (5 mos.)
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-one. She and a junior in college. 
Jane is Kimberly's mother.  Shana is Kimberly's sister.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 147
Caving Under Pressure

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

The court case on which I was serving continued until the end of April. The PHD professors were the last to testify in their own defense. One was self-assured and a bit cocky. The other seemed to be a nervous wreck. The defense produced witnesses testifying as to their character. One was a pastor, and after he made the professor out to be a saint, the prosecution lawyer asked him if he was familiar with Romans 3:23. He was, and he quoted it. “All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.”

This particular lawyer had most of the women swooning over him. He was very handsome and charming. They were willing to vote whichever way he said. As the professor left the stand, he looked toward the jury and said something. I didn’t understand him, but those who heard told us he said, “You all take care of me!" One of our female members, had invented several reasons to speak with the judge. This time, she informed him the professor was tampering with the jury. This prompted another day in which the judge found it necessary to call each of us in privately and ask if what he said when leaving the stand would affect our decision.

We were finally given our instructions and sent to deliberate. An extraverted and likable man was selected as our foreman. I was shocked when most of the group wanted to just take a vote and declare all five defendants guilty and send word to the judge that we had reached a verdict. The foreman thought the judge would expect us to deliberate, and we should wait until the following day to tell him we’d reached a verdict. Two of the women became very verbal and angry yelling, “There’s nothing to talk about. They’re all as guilty as sin.” One of the reasons given was because all of them had money and the lady felt they looked down on her.

That night, I went over my notes and decided to speak up the next day. I had concluded the two professors had been proven guilty, but it seemed the students were being put in a position they had not agreed to. They had turned in the work in which the professors had changed some of their wording and added material, but teachers help their students all the time. I questioned what I would have done in that situation. Teachers have an interest in seeing their students succeed. None of the students had ever caused any government contracts to go to the men, nor had they promised to, unless they were lying.

It was obvious the professors had tried to ingratiate themselves, so they might get work passed to them, but there was no evidence it had happened. The students had received their degrees by mail, so mail fraud was what carried penalties involving fines and imprisonment up to 20 years.

The following day, I spoke and read from my notes. It turned out I was the only one who had taken notes. One of the men said he was impressed that I’d paid attention, and what I brought out deserved more deliberation. A couple of people now seemed uncertain, but the others were saying even if they aren’t guilty, we need to send a message. At that point, we did deliberate. Messages were sent to the judge, several times, saying we were at an impasse and couldn’t reach a verdict. The judge insisted that we keep deliberating.

At one point, I made a terrible mistake by pulling a newspaper clipping. It had nothing to do with our case, but it supported a point I was trying to make. The article was from an old newspaper, but the lady, who liked audiences with the judge, went ballistic. She said I had violated the rules. She asked permission to see the judge again.

I was called in for a conference. All the lawyers and the judge were there. They talked of taking me from the jury and putting in an alternate. When I explained the clipping had nothing to do with the trial, they decided I should stay in. Somehow reporters got word of the incident and it made the newspaper and other media reports. I was humiliated, even though they weren’t allowed to use my name in the news. I wasn’t sleeping at night and during deliberations, I had one of my heart tachycardia attacks, and the whole room had to take a break, while I was taken somewhere to lie down.

By the following day, I felt totally defeated. Everyone was angry with me, and I was afraid I was going to continue to have heart spells and would have to be excused. All of the alternates said they would vote guilty. How could eleven jurors and four alternates all be wrong. I wasn’t sure the apparent unconcern of the other jury members wasn’t affecting my judgement. I realized nothing I could say would make a difference. If I was replaced, the verdict would be guilty. The judge wasn’t going to allow a mistrial. The case had already been tried once in another venue.

The group agreed to vote not guilty on a couple of the charges, in which some agreed with my points. They would also vote not guilty for the man dying of cancer, because his case hadn’t been proven. In exchange, I would vote guilty, so the taxpayers wouldn’t have to support another retrial. I felt very uncomfortable when they polled us individually, and I had to say I agreed with the verdict.

After the trial ended, one of the ladies told me she’d talked to her neighbor and told him my points. He told her if he’d been on the jury, he would have hung it up until next Christmas. To this day, I’m not proud that I gave in. I don’t really like to think about it. Maybe there was a deal worked out between the students and the professors. I hoped justice had been served, but I wasn’t convinced.

My family needed me. I’d been unavailable too long. You were busy with your garden. I’d neglected you and just about everything else. Don needed my assistance in writing resumes. I had a class reunion coming up. I hadn’t been checking on my parents the way I needed to. But I had crossed one thing off my bucket list, and that was to serve on a jury. I’m pretty sure they had permanently retired my name, and I would never be called again.

Connie’s boyfriend, Charlie, was making regular trips to Chattanooga, and he tried to find someone in the area to hire him as an EMT. He was disappointed when he learned in order to get a job, he would have to take more classes. He decided he would go back to school and become a nurse. Nursing would pay better. Connie was very anxious for him to move to the area.

We were about to enter the month of May. I had no way of knowing what problems would be on the horizon for our family before the end of June. I needed to put thoughts of the trial behind me and try to enjoy the short interval before the next family crisis arose.

This Is Us:
Evan is 66 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 57 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly s Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. She gave birth to their first child in October '94,
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's new baby (5 mos.)
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-one. She and a junior in college. 
Charlie is Connie's boyfriend who lives in South Mississippi.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 148
Forty Years Is a Long Time

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

It was a tremendous relief to have the jury trial behind me. In spite of the fact, I was convinced the rest of the jury members were against me, I found that I’d made a couple of friends. Two of the ladies called me at home and wanted to make plans to get together again. They even admitted they weren’t totally convinced we should have voted guilty for the student’s charges. It was a little late for those thoughts.

When the temporary agency found out my jury duty was over, they sent me out on an assignment. I met some likeable people on this job. However, it involved being on my feet all day and standing in one position for long periods. At the end of the day, I had swollen ankles and went home too exhausted to do much else. I really needed to shop for a dress.

I was trying to get ready for my 40th class reunion which would be held in the banquet hall of the newly renovated old train depot in my hometown of Newton. My mom was acting as if she would be embarrassed if I came to the reunion and failed to look like a big success in life. She wanted me to be well-dressed, have my hair styled and my body back as slim as it had been in high school. Mom had a certain amount of pride which she had failed to pass on to me. I hated to embarrass her, but I doubted if my friends had been all that successful. Among my classmates, there were several teachers, a principal, an engineer, a detective, a funeral home director, a nurse, a social worker, several farmers, and many housewives. The jury duty had played havoc with my diet. Mom was making me paranoid about even going.
******

In May, Connie was out of college for the summer, and her grades were good. She was still living in the apartment with Carol and working at the Home Goods store. She was counting on her boyfriend, Charlie to move here as soon as the blueberry season was over on his parents’ property.

Christi was dating a guy named Kevin. She loved his personality and enjoyed his company, but although he was her age, his skin had sun damage which made him look older. Christi always managed to find some minor imperfection that ruined everything for her. After all she had done to screw things up with Matt, when he found out about Kevin, suddenly he was in love with her again. We were beginning to think he was as messed up as she was. He had started calling her again. Matt was better looking, so her dramas were starting again. This usually meant she'd soon lose both of them.
*******

The class reunion was on Mother’s Day weekend. You and I and Christi went down to stay with Mom and Dad. Connie went with us, and we took her a little farther down into Mississippi to a town where Charlie planned to meet her. By the time we got to Newton, it was almost time for the reunion. It started at four in the afternoon, but the banquet wasn't until that night.

My graduating class was one of the smallest with only thirty-five graduates, but over half had started first grade with me, so we were a close-knit group. There were more than twice that many who came for the reunion. Almost all of our graduating class was there, and many who attended brought their mates. I hadn’t been able to persuade you to go. Students who had been with us in tenth and eleventh grade, but didn’t graduate were invited. Our school principal attended and some of our teachers came as well.

I hadn’t seen some of my classmates since high school and I had trouble recognizing most of them, including students I’d seen more recently. Recognizing faces was always a problem for me. The embarrassing thing was that they all seemed to know who I was. I had attended the 10th and the 20th-year reunions, but had missed the30th-year reunion. That had been the year of our house fire in New Orleans, and we were in the process of trying to move back into our renovated house.

I wasn’t prepared to see some of my friends looking so much older. In my mind, they had remained teenagers. The reunion committee had hired a band to entertain us. Jo Ann, a classmate I’d known since third grade and one who had been a high school rival, did a monologue. She said she had always wanted to do one, but never got the chance, because I was the one who got to do all the speaking roles and won the leads in all the class plays. She said it was because I got to take “Expression” lessons, and her daddy said he wasn’t going to pay anyone to make his kids do more talking.

Jo Ann confessed she had always envied me. She was pretty and popular and her family lived in the largest house in town. The truth was I had been envious of her. She said she had dreamed of winning the lead in the senior play, but when I got the part, she refused to take a supporting role. Then, she came to the play and was amazed at my performance and realized why they had picked me. I was flattered but very surprised.
******

While in Newton, we visited with your brother, Rhomus and sister, Helen. Neither of them was doing so well. Helen was depressed because she was alone, and Jimmy was talking of putting his mother in an assisted living facility. A housing project had been built beside her property, and her neighborhood was no longer safe.

Rhomus was frustrated because he hadn’t been called back to work on an engineering project. Both he and Helen were concerned about our nephew, Gary’s wife Cindy, who was dying of brain cancer. Cindy was still in her twenties. She had been Gary's high school sweetheart. For the last two years, she had gone through cancer treatments, but she’d suffered a stroke and was bedridden. Your sister, Maxine was trying to care for her while Gary worked, and it was too much for her.

In spite of being happy I'd decided to attend the class reunion, we both came away from Newton feeling depressed after hearing everyone's troubles. Leaving Mom and Dad was part of the problem. Dad was continuing to have bowel problems and was falling often. He was using a walker to get around, and Mom's health wasn’t good. She wasn’t able to be taking care of him and the house. They had a large yard and Mom insisted it be well manicured at all times. They had no intention of hiring anyone to do the work. I knew with summer just starting, she would be out with the lawn mower doing all that work herself.

The trip back to Chattanooga was uneventful. Connie was unusually quiet. We didn’t know if she and Charlie were having problems or if she was just tired. Soon both girls fell asleep in the back seat.

I’ve heard hindsight is twenty-twenty. I wonder if it would have made a difference, if only we had known the problems which lay in store within the next two months, which would change our lives in an unexpected way. On the other hand, maybe it is a good thing we don’t have the ability to see the future.

This is Us:
Evan is 66 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 57 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly s Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. 
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's new baby (8 mos.)
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-one. She and a junior in college. 
Charlie is Connie's boyfriend who lives in South Mississippi.
Rhomus, Helen, Maxine are Evan's siblings, Gary is Maxine's son, Cindy is his wife.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 149
Trouble Comes In Clusters

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Throughout May and into June, I continued working various jobs on assignment. You were feeling unusually well and crediting your energy to the Kombucha tea you made from the fungi you grew in a dark closet. I wasn’t sure the benefits weren’t all in your head, but I had to admit, you were no longer convinced you had some major illness brewing. This was the time of year when you kept busy in the yard and garden, and you seemed contented to be working outside.

Don and Kimberly made a trip to Detroit, where he interviewed for Chiropractic positions and got two offers. The jobs would be as an intern and required he work six days a week. He and Kimberly didn’t like the city, but they were still weighing the options when they returned home. In the end, they decided against the move. They spent a week with us when they got back in town. At nine months, Lauren was adorable. She was a happy baby and fun to be around.

Christi was dating Matt again, which meant she likely broke Kevin’s heart. Staying out past three a.m. most nights, she managed to keep you upset. We told her it was time to find another place to live. In addition to her day job, her massage business, and her singing career, she decided she wanted to start a dating service. She’d talked two people into being her partners. It was her new project of the month, if it managed to last that long. Before long, she and Matt were fighting again, and she was also seeing another guy who took her four-wheeling on mountain trails.

Carol went to a 14-day co-dependency workshop and decided she was messed up and blamed us. She said we’d screwed all of them up, because of our own problems. She said she was tired of being used by everyone, and from now on, she’d work on her own happiness. Connie and Don said her friends were weird, and she decided they were right and stopped seeing them. She met a new guy named Roy and decided she really liked him. She was soon part of his group of friends.

Roy was a handsome Spanish guy who had just finalized a divorce. He had two young children. He worked as a nursing assistant on a low income. In addition to being on the rebound, he was in the process of trying to overcome a pornography addiction. You’d always had a hang-up about our children dating anyone other than someone of their own race. I had no problem with other cultures, but I wasn’t impressed with Roy’s potential. Still Carol was an adult, and it was none of our business who she dated.

I did resent her saying it was our fault she had married Glen. Her reasoning was we’d caused her to be co-dependent, and she’d married him because she felt sorry for him. Personally, I believed we’d given our children a better home-life than most of their friends, and I wasn’t ready to take the rap for their problems. Life isn’t perfect for anyone, and most of us do the best we can.

Charlie asked Connie to marry him, and she was ready to go to a Justice of the Peace, get married and move to Mississippi without a formal wedding. Luckily, Charlie got cold feet and decided they needed to live around each other for a while, and let him earn some money to live on before they tied the knot. Charlie had no money and no job. He moved to Chattanooga in June and lived with a friend he knew from Mississippi. I helped him write up some resumes, and he got a job through a temp agency doing construction work.

Dad passed out and fell again, and Mom called the ambulance and had him taken to the local hospital in Newton, where he spent one night. They wanted to move him to Meridian to do tests, but he wouldn’t hear of it. He claimed he couldn’t sleep in a hospital bed and couldn’t eat their food. Mom had to bring him back home without finding out why he was passing out. The hospital bill was nearly $900 for the one night.

I got a letter from Mom, and her handwriting slanted down with an extremely wide right margin. I had been doing handwriting analysis for several years, and was pretty good at it. Her writing had changed drastically. The down slant showed depression and the wide right margin showed fear of what lay ahead for them. I felt I was letting them down by not knowing how to help.

You sold timber from our farm and we made nearly $5,000. We paid bills and put some in a CD at a good interest rate. Dad was interested in selling timber on his 60 acres, so you had the timber company go out and talk to him. Dad thought they were offering him $2,000 for his trees, but instead, they were charging him $2,000 for counting his trees. The ladies who owned the Hidden Springs Arabian Horse Ranch next door to Mom and Dads’ place wanted their acreage. They told Dad they would pay the $2,000 to the timber company if he’d sell them the land. Dad wanted to sell all but a half-acre where their house stood.

You thought we should get involved, because you felt the ladies were taking advantage of Dad. I was already upset because Dad sold 80 acres in the country without telling me. It had been my grandpa’s land, and he always told me it would be mine one day. I didn’t care that my dad inherited it, but he only got $30,000 for it, and I felt it should have been worth more. I learned after the sale and was disappointed they didn’t tell me until later.

We’d planned a trip back to Newton to talk to them about selling, when the unthinkable happened on our 39th wedding anniversary. I had a temporary assignment that day and had started to work. Christi’s car was parked on the street in front of our house. The car had hoods that came down over her lights when they were turned off. As I was leaving, I saw they were up and figured she had left her lights on and the battery was dead. She was always on the verge of getting fired from her day job for coming in late. I decided I needed to warn her she might have a dead battery.

I drove back up our steep driveway and jumped out to run inside, leaving the key in the ignition. I’d barely gotten in, when I heard a loud noise sounding something like a gun shot. Neighborhood dogs started barking. I went to the window and looked out, and what I saw horrified me. I’d not put my car firmly in park. It had rolled down the driveway, taken out the retaining wall and crashed into a tree.

“Oh my God!” I kept repeating. It was something I never say. When you saw what had happened to our Infiniti, you started yelling at me, which was something you never do.  You kept telling me how careless I was and demanding I call in, and tell the agency I wouldn’t be coming to work. You were treating me like a child in need of punishment.

You insisted I call Mom to make sure they hadn’t sold their acreage to the Arabian ranch ladies, before we got a chance to see them. When she answered, she was sick and sounded horrible. She’d been light-headed for days and was still trying to pick apples, can vegetables, and mow the grass. She said she was sure the sale of the land would go through, because Dad was determined to sell it.

The back of our car was caved in. Our insurance sent a wrecker which cost $250 in cash. The repair bill would be over $7,000. We had no way of knowing it would be over six weeks before it could be repaired, and our van was in no shape to take on the long trip to Mississippi. This was only the beginning of trouble for our family. The worst was yet to come.

This is Us:
Evan is 66 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 57 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly s Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. 
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's new baby (9 mos.)
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-one. She and a junior in college. 
Charlie is Connie's boyfriend who moves to Chattanooga from Mississippi.

 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 150
Agonizing Decisions

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

When we realized it might take a while to get the Infiniti back, we knew we wouldn’t be going back to see about my parents right away. We felt we needed to talk to them about selling the property. I was afraid they were naïve about the value of land, and I didn’t want them to be taken advantage of.

You encouraged me to write Mom and tell her to hold off on selling, until we could come home. I wrote the letter and told Mom I’d been disappointed when they sold the other acreage without telling me. I let her know I didn’t want them to sell the land where I grew up. I didn’t feel the house would be easy to sell later, unless the acreage went with it.

I felt bad about writing the letter, because I was afraid the letter would put too much pressure on Mom. She would be caught between what Dad wanted to do and what I was asking her to do. They had already agreed to the sale, and it would mean backing away from the deal with the Arabian Ranch. I knew this letter would upset Mom, but you insisted I send it.

You told me since they needed help and they didn’t want to leave Newton; we could move there and build nearby if they didn’t sell the land.

I was right. The letter did upset my mother. I was embarrassed to talk to her, and had Carol call her instead. Mom was beside herself and was crying on the phone. I felt like a horrible daughter for putting undue stress on her when she was already sick. Eventually, I did write again and tried to make amends, by telling her we were willing to move there and take care of them. 

I don’t think she believed we were serious about moving, but in the end, she sent the timber company a check for the $2,000 they wanted for counting the timber. That had to have upset Dad, because he was counting on the ranch paying the check. Mom made dinner and invited the ladies over to tell them the sale was off. I have no idea how much anger she might have endured from Dad.

You were excited about the idea of moving back to Mississippi to take care of my parents. You said we could build us a neat little house on the property and make the whole area into a showplace. I really didn’t want to move back in spite of the fact you telling me we could keep our property in Chattanooga and move back one day. I was willing to do it, because I knew Mom and Dad couldn’t hold out much longer, but I was afraid if we moved there, we would end up staying. All of our children were in Tennessee, except Don. We still didn’t know where he might set up a Chiropractic practice.

Charlie got a job in the lab at Memorial, but he and Connie were arguing a lot. At one point, an old girlfriend called him from Mississippi and told him she'd heard rumors he was engaged. Connie heard him vehemently deny it, and say he had no plans to get married. Charlie was very opinionated, and his mouth often got him into trouble. At a firework’s show we were attending, Charlie criticized the pyrotechnic experts who were setting off the fireworks and proclaimed them stupid. The wife of one of them sitting near us overheard and chewed him out. He was so embarrassed he had to leave the show.

Carol was hoping things might work out with Roy, and although they were seeing quite a bit of each other, Roy seemed reluctant to commit himself to a new relationship so soon after his divorce. He was only claiming to be a friend.

I was continuing to work temporary jobs. One of the agencies sent me on an assignment to Parkridge hospital to work in the lab department. It involved quite a bit of training and computer work. The girl who held that job would be out several weeks. I had to learn from her, because once she left, I would be on my own. They liked me right away and said they would be interested in hiring me permanently. Of course, even though I thought I’d like the work, I knew I wouldn’t be able to take a permanent job if we were moving to Mississippi.

On July 17, the first day I was handling the new job alone, my world came tumbling down around me. When I got home from work, you were on the phone with one of Mom’s neighbors. She said an ambulance passed her house, and since Mom and Dad lived just below her, she went down to see what had happened. My Dad had found Mom passed out on the floor of the bedroom and had called 911. They rushed her to the hospital. When we called the hospital, I was told they thought Mom had had a stroke. Later they called back and said she also appeared to be having a heart attack, and they were sending her to Meridian to the hospital.

I called the temp agency and told them I couldn’t return to the Parkridge job. They were furious with me, but I had no choice. We called the Infiniti body shop to see if our car could be driven. We were told our car was torn apart, and they’d found $800 more damage than they’d originally thought. We spent the next hour in the process of renting a car.

It was late before we finally got underway going to Mississippi. I cried most of the way there, afraid Mom would be dead before I got to the hospital. I was sure my added pressure was the reason for what was happening to her. You tried your best to comfort me. It was eleven-thirty that night when we arrived. Mom’s sister’s son, Keith was with her. She had been wild-eyed and flailing around speaking gibberish. He’d asked them to give her something to calm her down.

I wasn’t sure she'd recognized me, but she did become calmer and reached one arm toward me. The drugs they’d given her were taking over. I asked her to squeeze my hand, and I felt a slight pressure. The doctor asked to be notified as soon as I arrived. He spoke to me by phone and said he already talked to Dad by phone and Dad told him Mother wouldn’t want to be on any life-saving measures, so they were only keeping her hydrated. What he told me wasn’t encouraging.

You planned to spend the night with me at the hospital, but Dad was still in Newton with Keith’s wife. He’d had a bowel accident, and she didn’t know what to do. You had to go get him and take him home. I never found out if Dad was able to clean himself up or not. It was a bad situation for everyone involved.

At that point, I had a cot brought into the room, and planned to stay with Mom for however long it took. Things looked bleak, and we both knew we had no choice but to deal with whatever lay before us, one step at a time. I did a lot of praying, but I realized the help Mom needed from me had come too late.

This is Us:
Evan is 66 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 57 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly s Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. 
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's new baby (8 mos.)
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-two. She and a junior in college. 
Charlie is Connie's boyfriend who has recently moved to Chattanooga from South Mississippi.
Roy is a recently divorced young man who Carol is interested in.
Keith is my aunt's son.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 151
Coping With Change

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

The first night I stayed in the hospital with Mom, I don’t think I slept at all. Her right side seemed paralyzed, but her left arm and leg were constantly moving trying to get free of the tubes and catheter and throw the cover off. I sat in the chair by her side and held her hand. The doctor came in the following morning and told me Mom might never be normal again. She had suffered a massive heart attack, and only half of her heart was working. A blood clot had gone to her brain and caused the stroke.

He said he wouldn’t encourage me to request drastic measures to keep her alive. He had chosen to keep his father alive and the man lay there for a year and a half as a vegetable. He regretted his decision. He said they would do more tests and hope Mom might improve. If she did, they could move her to a rehab portion of the hospital.

You brought Dad to the hospital the following day in a borrowed wheelchair. He sat by her side and held her hand talking to her telling her how much he loved her. I thought if he cared so much, he shouldn't have given her such a hard time over the years. He was always so critical and bad tempered.

Dad said before they took Mom to the hospital, she had been outside all morning trying to mow the grass in the July Mississippi heat. She came in and made his lunch, and then she said she felt sick and grabbed her chest. Later she went to her room, and he heard her fall.  

Mom showed no sign she was aware of anything when people tried to talk to her. She had a lot of visitors, but no one was able to get a reaction from her. Things became worse when she got pneumonia. The strong antibiotic cleared that up, but they had taken her off the blood thinners and each day she seemed a little less responsive. In the end, they were just keeping her hydrated. I never left the hospital and very seldom left the room.

Christi adored my mother, and she totally lost control when she learned of her condition. Carol had worked a 12-hour shift at the hospital, but Christi forced her to drive her the five-hour trip to Meridian. She managed to come several times and Don came as soon as he could. He was devastated knowing she might not make it. Connie had never been as close to Mom as the older children, but she and Charlie came on the weekend. You continued bringing Dad every day, but I could tell Dad’s care was getting to you. At one point, he ordered you to do something, and you snapped at him and told him to do it himself.

At last, you felt you had to go back to Chattanooga to take care of things, and you had no choice but to take Dad with you. The day you left, Dad stayed with Mom as long as he could, knowing it might be the last time he’d see her alive. It broke my heart, you had to leave me. You and I clung to each other like we’d never see each other again for a long while before you had to leave. It is a bittersweet memory I’ll always treasure.

Mom lived eight days. Earlier that day, a black bird stayed on her window sill all day, and when I’d shoo him off, he’d return. I didn’t believe in omens, but I couldn’t help but feel it might be a sign to prepare me for what was to come. At 2 a.m., the nurse awakened me to tell me that when they came in to turn Mom, she took a last breath and died.

I didn’t cry. I guess I had done my grieving. I went about doing what I had to do. I made the arrangement to have her picked up and brought back to Newton to the funeral home. I called you and you agreed that you and Dad would meet me at the funeral home later that day. Mom had already made her arrangements, and all I had to do was choose a dress from those they had for sale. We had the funeral the following day. I think I probably shouldn’t have had it so quickly.
 
Mom always told me she hoped my dad would go first, because she didn’t think I'd be able to deal with him. However, Dad never treated me with disrespect the way he had done with her. At one point while we were still in the hospital, he became irritated because I was talking to someone who had called to ask about Mother. He said, “Get off that phone!” This was something he said to Mom many times. I said, “I beg your pardon, this is not Lucille you’re talking to. You don’t tell me to get off the phone.”  I must have shocked him, because he never ordered me to do anything again. When I told him he would be coming to live with you and me, he didn’t say a word.  

For the following two weeks, you and I stayed at Dad’s home and let him do his grieving in his own room. Friends and neighbors came over to visit with him. I knew it wouldn’t be easy for him to leave, and I didn’t want to rush him.  We took care of the place, picked apples and kept the grass cut.  At the end of the two weeks, we packed the things Dad would need and all of Mom’s many pot plants into our car. We had to bring their cat. Mom and Dad had both loved this cat, and knew Dad would miss him. I should have had him on a tranquillizer pill, because the five to six-hour journey back was an unbelievable nightmare trying to hold a freaked-out cat that had never been in a car before.

Our house had many levels, so getting Dad inside wasn’t easy.  He had little use of his legs and now was using a wheelchair constantly. The kitchen, dining room, two bedrooms and a bath were on one level so that is about all Dad ever saw of our house. He wouldn’t go into the sunken great room nor up the stairs. Don’s old bedroom became his room. I rented a hospital bed for him before the week was out. After a few days, we had to pull up the carpet and put down tile so I could keep it clean and eliminate the smell of urine.

I wasn’t thrilled when you told me my working days were over, because you weren’t going to be responsible for Daddy. I realized I couldn’t expect you to take care of my dad who pretty much needed constant care. You got busy and built a ramp across the garage which was six feet lower than the kitchen level. It took both of us to push the wheelchair with Dad in it up to that level.

For a while I was able to get home health to come out and bathe him twice a week, but eventually that task would fall to me as well. I had to go with him when he needed the toilet to make sure he was properly cleaned. We got an extension to fit over the commode to raise it to a comfortable height. We also got a bedside commode for his room so he didn’t have to go to the bathroom to pee. He was incontinent so I got him into adult diapers. We also had to get a transfer chair for his bath.

Mom had been a care-giver. She seemed to enjoy that kind of work. She had taken care of Dad’s father and also his great-aunt until their deaths. She even worked as a professional care-giver for a while, until Dad needed her with him full time. This was something I’d never done before, but I realized my life was about to change. Mom had always cooked three meals a day, because Dad expected it. This was a new experience for me as well. You knew how to cook, and when I worked, you took care of your own needs and often mine as well. Now that job fell back on my shoulders.

I knew as long as I could handle it, I would never put a member of my family into a care facility. Still, I wondered if I could cope with the responsibility that lay before me. Time would tell.

This is Us:
Evan is 66 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 57 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly s Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. 
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's new baby (8 mos.)
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-two. She and a junior in college. 
Charlie is Connie's boyfriend who has recently moved to Chattanooga from South Mississippi.
Lucille: Beth's mother given name.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 152
Caregiver for My Dad

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan,
.Staying home every day and taking care of my dad was a new experience for me. There seemed to be a lot to do. I had to write acknowledgement cards for the funeral flowers, and go about getting Dad’s Social Security check and all his mail and bank accounts taken care of. Once I managed to get a wheelchair for him, he stopped trying to use the walker. The bed in the room he was using was too soft and was giving him backaches, so we gave him our mattress which was firmer. Then you started having back aches. We decided it would be better to buy a new mattress.

Dad was eighty-five, which doesn’t seem that old for some, but for Dad, with heart problems and crippled with arthritis, he seemed much older. He claimed he’d never wanted to leave home and have me taking care of him. He said he’d been praying for the last couple of years to die, ever since he got where he couldn’t get around.

I was glad we brought his cat, because that seemed to be the only pleasure Dad was having, and he wanted the cat in his room at all times. He wouldn’t let me put a television or radio in his room. You and I found a practically new orthopedic recliner that would bring his body to a standing position. Since he could no longer stand up from a low seated position, that worked well, and he could get back in and out of the wheel chair.

Since our house was large and our bedroom was upstairs, we were lucky that we had an intercom system. We hadn’t needed it before, but now we did. I opened the intercom between our rooms so we could hear him if he needed something. I don’t think he was aware of how much it cut back on his privacy, because he would talk to the cat, and his conversation came through loud and clear. Although my dad was on his good behavior around us, he’d always let curse words slip out when he was aggravated.

When he had the cat in his lap, we’d hear things like, “Oh, you’re so sweet. Daddy loves you so much. What would I do without my precious kitty-cat… OUCH..  #$@!% GD SOB …I’m  gonna’ wring your neck. I’ll string you up and hang from that fan. How dare you bite and scratch me. GET OUT OF HERE!" It was ugly, but you and I couldn’t help but giggle sometimes. 

I had to find a local doctor for Dad. Your doctor wasn’t taking new patients, but there was a new doctor with the medical group who was taking patients, so I scheduled an appointment. When we got there, Dad was in for a shock because growing up in Mississippi, he had his prejudices. He was used to older, white, male doctors. This was a young, black female. She seemed totally qualified, but I saw the stunned expression on Dad’s face. In addition to a lot of medical problems, he couldn’t see out of one of his eyes, because of a very thick cataract. I would need to make an appointment and have it removed.

A few days after we returned to Chattanooga, Charlie’s grandmother died, and he and Connie had to return to Mississippi for her funeral. Also, your brother’s ex-wife, Shirley, who was a year younger than me, had a severe stroke. For a while it was touch and go with her. She had lost her ability to talk and was bedridden.

We didn’t dare leave Dad over a couple of hours at a time. We were still going to church, but we didn’t stay long enough for lesson study. I was afraid he might fall.

Christi was still living in our house. In addition to two grown cats, she had brought in a kitten that she found on the street and was keeping it in one of the upstairs’ bathrooms. I really think it belonged to a neighbor, but Christi was determined to keep it. It was sick and had a bad flea infestation. She was spending a lot of money which she didn’t have taking it to the vet. We told her she had to get rid of the fleas and get it out of the guest bathroom. We also told her she needed to find herself another place to live. She was seldom home with her work and dating schedule. I could have used her help to stay with Dad, so I could get out occasionally, but she never seemed available for that.

Carol and Connie were continuing to share an apartment. Both of them were having boyfriend troubles. Connie had insisted that Charlie move to Chattanooga and find work, but now that he had, they seemed to be constantly arguing about something or other. Connie had spent so many years dating Lenny, who had a serious side and pretty much did whatever she wanted.

Charlie was a different type personality. He liked to argue and seemed to feel he knew something about everything. You and I both liked him, but Connie felt he wasn’t treating her in the way a boyfriend should.

Carol wanted very badly to have her friend, Roy like her, but he just wanted to be a friend. Both of them were divorced but Roy had children. She had other friends with whom she played volleyball, and she had a friend named Randy, she sometimes worked out with. Occasionally, she fixed meals and had some of her guy friends over to eat with her. Connie didn’t usually hang around for that.

Don and Kimberly were having some bad financial problems. Don was desperate to get his chiropractic practice going. When they had gone to Detroit, he had done a lot of interviews in Michigan and had gotten some offers to come into established practices, but both he and Kimberly decided they wouldn’t be happy living in Michigan. The house they’d bought and remodeled in Georgia was up for sale, but both it and their car were about to go into foreclosure. You and I had to send them more money to keep them afloat until they could sell the house. They had several people interested in buying it but no firm offers.

So far, I’d not had a lot of free time, but when I could find a little time for myself, I was starting to use it to write. I had found a site on the internet for those who were interested in honing their writing skills. They offered challenges and instructors to evaluate what you wrote and offer suggestions. I enjoyed spending time on the site and had written some short stories and poems. I felt since I couldn't earn money, I could at least find time to do something I enjoyed doing. I sent a few things I'd written out to publications and was anxiously hoping I'd find some interest for my work.

This is Us:
Evan is 66 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 57 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly s Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. 
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's new baby (8 mos.)
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-two. She and a junior in college. 
Charlie is Connie's boyfriend who has recently moved to Chattanooga from South Mississippi.
Shirley is Evan's borther, Rhomas' ex-wife.


 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents. We are presently living in Chattanooga.

Chapter 153
Adjusting to the Caretaker Role

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan,

The first couple of months my dad lived in our home was a big adjustment for everyone. There was far more involved in caring for a patient like him than I’d ever imagined. You were always kind and polite to dad, but the two of you never really bonded.  

During all of our married years, you’d had far more in common with my mother. The two of you had gotten along well and during times when we had been at my parents’ home, you had spent hours discussing religion and Bible topics with her. Dad’s temperament clashed with yours. Now that he lived with us, you were only around him at mealtimes.

Dad and Christi, who was still living with us and using one of the two downstairs bedrooms for a massage room, clashed quickly. The two of them were a lot alike with quick explosive tempers. Dad wanted his cat in his room at all times. Christi thought she knew what was best for all animals, and she thought his cat should have the run of the house.

In truth, the cat had been raised an outdoor cat, so neither way was good. Letting a male cat that had never been neutered out in a strange neighborhood would have been a sure way to lose him, but we realized neutering was a service which would need to be performed as quickly as possible.

Dad’s nerves couldn’t take Christi's temper fits when she didn’t get her way. He was also uncomfortable with strangers across the hall from him getting massages. He told her he was going to have his cat put down, and he was going to nursing home just to get away from her. That shocked her because she had always believed herself to be her grandparents’ favorite child.

You and Christi started clashing in ways the two of you had never done before. Up until now, she considered me the mean parent and you the kind, loving one. You told her she had to find herself another place to live, because she was too disruptive for our household. At the time, she was juggling four guys, each one believing themselves to be her only love. We all knew that would come to no good end.

She did begin looking for a place to rent, after Carol and Connie got involved and tried to talk a cop into taking her to a mental hospital to be evaluated, during one of her temper fits. It would be another two months before she actually found a place that would allow her to move in and pay by the week.

Along with everything else going on, I was in the process of trying to get medical equipment for Dad and get him hooked up with home health. It took a while, but I did get a hospital bed with an overhead lift, a bedside commode chair, a bath transfer chair and a new wheelchair, since the one he’d had was borrowed. I also got a few months of home health including a physical therapist, a mental health counselor and nurse aide who would come and bathe him three times a week.

Dad continued to have severe bouts with diarrhea. I had to clean him up and change his clothes several times a day. Often in the middle of the night, I’d awaken to hear him yelling for “Lucille” (my mom’s name) on the intercom. He’d have to have the bed and everything changed, and it would be the end of my sleep for the night.

After a month, we took a trip back to Mississippi to check on the house. Dad was depressed to be home again, and he missed mother more than ever. He was ready to leave as soon as we arrived, but we stayed almost a week and gave the neighbors a chance to come over and talk to him. We hired someone to keep the grass cut, and had a tombstone placed on Mom’s grave.

When we got back home, I came down with a bacterial infection in my lungs and had severe bronchitis. I was sick with fever and a bad cough for a couple of weeks, during which you slept in another room. As soon as I began to get better, you came down with the same illness, and you were sick for two weeks. We both had several visits to doctors. Thankfully, Dad didn’t get our illness.
********

Don and Kimberly were countering on an offer they had to buy their house. Don learned he could get a temporary license to practice in Chattanooga, and a Chiropractor in North Chattanooga was thinking of taking him on. Kimberly put out resumes at the Chattanooga hospitals and had me keep Lauren while she went on interviews.

They hinted that if she got a job in the area, maybe they could move in with us and I could keep Lauren full time. We didn’t offer encouragement along those lines. I loved my granddaughter, but I couldn’t see taking on a babysitting job, or having them move in with everything else we had going on. Don had gotten involved with a lot of New Age philosophy that you and I were uncomfortable with, and it was all he wanted to talk about when he was around us.

Connie and Carol weren’t as close as they had been. Carol wouldn’t tell Connie when something she did bothered her, but Connie realized their relationship seemed strained. Carol had the Shelby temperament like you and wouldn’t always say what bothered her. Connie was more of a free spirit and apt to not think about other’s feelings. She realized she might need to find another place to live.

Connie and Charlie continued to argue but agreed they would get married as soon as one of them got out of school. Connie could finish in one year if she concentrated on taking the courses, she needed for her Interior Design major. I had to talk her out of taking a course in The History of Rock Music.

Carol was still crazy about Roy and she kept hoping things would work out, but it didn’t seem to be going that way. She took a trip with her ex-in-laws to a beach in Florida. After she returned, she decided she should let them go. She decided hanging on and hoping they still cared about her was being co-dependent.

Our renters of our farm property in Mississippi called to tell us the air conditioning system had gone out, and a roof leak caused part of the ceiling in one room to fall. You took care of making calls to repair people in Mississippi. Thinking back, I realize we must have been pretty resilient to deal with everything happening during that time, without going nuts. Since I had a little time to write, I kept a journal while Dad was with us, and I’m only telling a small sample of all the bad things that seemed to keep happening during those months.

Some more recent times when we’ve talked about our life together, I’ve told you I loved every moment of it, and if I had the chance, I would love to do it all over again.  After reading what I wrote back then, I’m amazed at how quickly I was able to put all the aggravation we dealt with behind me and see everything as rosy.

You weren’t quite the Pollyanna type that I seemed to be. When I asked you about your childhood, the things you remembered were always the bad things which had happened to you. You told me that if we had to relive our lives, you would marry me again, but you’d like to change some of the other things we dealt with. You also assured me you were glad we weren’t given the opportunity to do it all again. 

Evan is 66 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 57 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly s Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. 
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's new baby (8 mos.)
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-two. She is a senior in college. 
Charlie is Connie's boyfriend who has recently moved to Chattanooga from South Mississippi.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 154
Things Start to Level Out a Bit

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan,

After a few weeks, Dad began to settle into the routine of living in our home, although it wasn’t an ideal place for someone who spent most of his time in a wheelchair. Our house had many levels. The great room was sunken six inches, so Dad refused to go into that area. The wheelchair would take him from his bedroom to the bathroom and to the dining table and foyer. There was no place for him to go outside since our lot was unlevel and hilly.

Dad had always taken care of his own finances, so when I moved his money from his Mississippi bank, I put my name on the new account, but only in case he was unable to handle it. He always got to open his own mail. When bills came, I went over them with him and wrote the checks as he directed, letting him sign them. I felt I needed to allow him to continue to be in charge as long as he wanted the responsibility.

He decided to pay me $100.00 a month toward groceries and living expenses. I didn’t complain, although I’d given up a job that paid well in order to be there for him. Since I was his only heir, I felt it was only fair that I should take care of him.

He stayed in his room most of the time and didn’t choose to have a radio or TV. He enjoyed reading so I went to the library and got large print books for him to read. For the first few months, he had regular contacts with healthcare workers, which kept him busy and provided some stimulation. The lady who came and encouraged him to talk about Mother, helped him get past some of his grief. Later when they came less frequently, reading became his main stimulation. He was only able to do that after I got him to a eye surgeon and had the cataract removed that was blocking on of his eyes. The doctor claimed it was the thickest cataract he'd ever removed. 

We took Dad out occasionally to show him the area, but he didn’t like mountains. He’d lived in Mississippi all his life and was used to gentle rolling hills. The steep mountain roads around our area made him very nervous. 

Remember our Eskimo Spitz we raised from a puppy? He had a horrible disposition and only you and I dared go near him. He would even growl at us. Our glass patio door leading from the dining area to the back deck gave Kokomo a view of any visitor who came through our front entrance. This always triggered a tirade of snarling and barking and leaping in the air, causing everyone to wonder why we would keep such a vicious beast. 

Soon after Dad came to live with us, Kokomo ran inside when the patio door was open. I cringed in horror of what I thought might happen. Kokomo went straight to Dad who reached out his hand to pet him. Kokomo wagged his tail and laid his head on Dad’s lap. We were shocked and amazed. An instant friendship took place. Our own children didn’t dare go near that dog.

As time passed, Dad's body adjusted to the food I served, and he had less frequent bouts with diarrhea. His appetite was good, and he was gaining weight. He was already overweight, so he decided he wanted his last meal of the day to be very light, like cereal or a small dessert. He also started going to bed very early. By doing this, it made my life a lot easier and gave me more time to write.

I’d mailed off a couple of stories I had written to a Christian magazine I’d heard about with similar stories to the Guidepost magazine. I was delighted when I got a letter saying the magazine wanted to publish my stories. There wasn’t any money involved because it was a new magazine and writers were only paid in copies to pass out to friends. The magazine asked for pictures to accompany my stories. Since I was an art major and had worked as a commercial artist, I decided to illustrate my stories. For me it was a thrill, not only to have writing in print, but art as well. They used one of my stories as the cover story.

You spent most of your time working in your garden. Dad had a garden tiller, which we brought from Mississippi. You were thrilled to have that because in the past you had broken the ground with a hoe, and spent hours digging rocks from the soil. This year your garden was doing well. Tomatoes, peppers, greens and lima beans were your main produce. You picked the beans, shelled them, and froze what we didn’t eat. Since you enjoyed that kind of work, I didn’t get involved in any of it except preparing lunch.

By fall, the O.J. Simpson trial, which had dominated the news most of the year, wrapped up, and we were shocked to learn that he had been acquitted. Earlier in the year back when I was doing jury duty, the Oklahoma courthouse bombing had taken place. McVeigh, the bomber, had been arrested after a routine traffic stop and that had also been big in the news as other parties were implicated and motives were examined. You and I kept up with the news stories, but Dad didn’t seem interested in what was happening in the world.

Our children were in and out of our lives, and we saw all of them often. Christi had finally moved into a basement apartment not far away and was still doing her massages here. Don and Kimberly sold their house and moved into an apartment in Collegedale. Don was trying to get a practice started, but it was a slow process. The doctor who had taken him in wasn’t helping. Connie was back in school and trying to avoid running into her former boyfriend, Lenny who was now engaged. Carol was working as a nurse on the orthopedic floor at Memorial Hospital. I’ll have more to say about the children later.

THIS IS US:
Evan is 66 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 58 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. 
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's new baby (10 mos.)
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-two. She is a senior in college. 
Lennie is Connie's fomer boyfriend she dated through high school. He attends the same college.
Charlie is Connie's boyfriend who has recently moved to Chattanooga from South Mississippi.


 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 155
The Fall of 1995

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan,

Things settled into a routine with Dad as the weeks went by. Various people from Home Health continued to come on a regular basis to do physical therapy, take his vitals and bathe him three times a week. Along with his appointments with various doctors, he didn’t have a lot of time to be bored.

When Don and Kimberly’s house finally closed, they were able to pay back some of the money they had borrowed from us. The money left from the sale for their own use was only enough to buy a nice computer. They were still deeply in debt.

Kimberly saw to it that Lauren stayed with us quite a bit of the time, while she went on interviews and did other things. She and her mother seemed to be at odds most of the time. In October, Lauren had her first birthday. Both Jane and I planned family meals with birthday cakes to celebrate on different days.

Jane invited our family to her party, but I couldn’t leave Dad, and our daughters had other plans. Kimberly didn’t tell her mom we wouldn’t be able to come, and when none of us showed up, Jane was furious and took her anger out on Don.

You and I worked with Lauren, encouraging her to walk. She took her first steps with us and by her birthday, she was starting to go everywhere. We had to watch her constantly because of all the stairs. Daddy enjoyed having her around. She’d go into his room, and he’d give her candy.

We had a storm in October which did quite a bit of damage in the area. It knocked down trees in our neighborhood, and we were without power for three days. During that time, I slept downstairs so I could hear Dad if he needed anything. The Home Health workers stayed away until the power was back.

Connie and Charlie were constantly arguing over something. Connie was bored with college, and she wanted to drop out and get married. She even toyed with the idea of moving to our house in the country. Charlie wasn’t happy because she discussed that idea with us without his input. If he went back to Mississippi to live, he wanted it to be where he grew up near Hattiesburg.

He was dragging his feet on the marriage idea. He wanted them both to finish school first. Connie didn’t like it when he spent $500 on a computer when she thought he should be putting his money on an engagement ring. Don said he didn't believe they would be able to make it as a couple.

In early October, Connie went on a trip with her design class to Chicago for a week. She visited a Shaker Village and the Frank Lloyd Wright house and museum along with many other things. Of course, we paid for the trip along with books, drafting tables, art supplies and other extras for many courses which she ended up dropping after she started them. She continued to work at the home goods store, but the money earned only took care of her living expenses. We were beginning to wonder if there would ever be a time when all of our children would be on their own.

On Halloween night, Kimberly’s parents' house burned to the ground. Jane had been there a few hours earlier, but she and Bobby were away when the fire started. Everything was destroyed,  including a boat. There were gas cans and other evidence behind the house, showing someone had deliberately set the fire. Because it was Halloween, Jane said someone who disliked her family might have started the fire as a prank, not expecting it to actually burn.

Since Jane had shown signs of having some psychological issues and often acted irrationally, some people wondered if perhaps she had not set the fire herself. Don told us she had removed personal items and family picture albums several days before the fire. The insurance investigators worked months before any claims were settled. The arsonist was never found.

In November, our oldest daughter, Carol, who was dealing with the heartbreak of a divorce and more recently a crush on a guy with his own problems, was miserable. In the process of one of her many attempts to reinvent herself, she decided she was co-dependent. She learned about a place in Kentucky with a two-week program that helped people deal with addictions and other problems and decided to go there and see if it would help her.

She surprised me by allowing me to read a journal, she had written during her time there. I was shocked to learn her view of her childhood and of us as parents. We believed ourselves to be exceptionally caring parents who loved our kids and tried to make them feel good about themselves. She saw herself as a martyr who lived in shame.

Because I'd always worked a lot of overtime, the inside of our house wasn’t always neat. This seemed to be an issue for Carol. You sometimes talked to her about moving to the country instead of discussing it with me. This made her feel she was having to take on my role. The fact you tended to be overly cautious, made her feel she learned to be fearful from you.

I’d always felt I had a good self-image and was convinced I could do anything I set my mind to do. Carol told the instructor she’d learned shame from me. Shame was something I’d never remembered feeling in my life, and I couldn’t remember ever shaming her. Opinions of anyone other than my own family had never mattered to me at all. I couldn’t imagine how she could have come to the conclusions she did.

She said I’d made her into a caretaker and an enabler. She did a lot of crying and soul-searching during those weeks. She was encouraged by her instructors to get angry and to beat, in effigy, mats which  were supposed to represent us, the church, and anything else she seemed to be dealing with.

You really never know what those children you’ve raised might have going on in their heads when you assume things are going well. I realized our children may have unique perspectives, which don't necessarily match that of their parents. I'm sure my own parents saw my life differently than I did.
                         
Christi was still over here quite a lot of the time. She took some of the furniture we weren’t using to add to the furnished apartment. She repainted some tables and cabinets with black paint, in our garage.

She was a bit nervous about living alone in the basement apartment. I had to admit it was a pretty freaky place. The lady who owned the house had let her son live there before Christi. He had painted all the walls black and dribbled lines of red and yellow paint over the black background. The furniture left in the apartment was black also.

One night, Christi called us screaming because some large winged insect was in her space. It was likely one of those creatures that prefers damp basement areas. She finally managed to kill it, but she said if she saw another one, she wouldn’t spend another night there. At least, she had several cats to keep her company. Her landlady wasn’t happy about that and made her pay extra.

For Thanksgiving, I made a huge meal for all of our children including Kimberly and Charlie. So many years, in the past, it had been my mother who made the Thanksgiving meal. She had always overdone the cooking, preparing many different dishes. Now it was our turn. You always helped me with cooking and cleaning which was something Dad never did. More than anything else, it was you I gave thanks for at this time of year.

THIS IS US:
Evan is 67 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 58 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. 
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby one year old
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-two. She is a senior in college. 
Jane and Bobby are Kimberly parents.
Charlie is Connie's boyfriend who has recently moved to Chattanooga from South Mississippi.

 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 156
Nearing the End of Trying Year

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan,

Almost five months had passed since Mom died, and we had taken Dad in to live with us. I’d been fortunate to get the home health service to come in and help with the transition. I’d also managed to get Medicare and Dad’s supplemental insurance to pay for additional equipment he needed, like a hospital bed with lifts, a new walker, a wheelchair and a bedside commode. I was getting used to the changes in our lifestyle. Now, I needed to be home almost all of the time in order to be there when Dad needed me.

We'd made it through Thanksgiving and had a pleasant time with the family, but the gap between late November and Christmas was a time of year, I found extremely stressful. Having a desire to make the holidays memorable for my family, resulted in my wearing myself out trying to do too much. I especially dreaded this upcoming Christmas, because I didn’t see how I would be able to find the time to do all I felt I had to do.

Two days after our Thanksgiving meal, your heart was skipping beats and your blood pressure was dangerously high. The more upset you became, the higher the pressure climbed. You had me taking readings every ten minutes. The top number was well over 200 and the lower number over a 100. At two in the morning, I called Carol and asked her to come over and stay with Dad, while I took you to the emergency room. You didn’t get to go home until much later in the day.

The fact we were still eating high calorie left-over meats and casseroles likely contributed to the onset of your blood pressure problems, but the end of the food didn’t mean the end your problems. Your nervous anxiety only made matters worse. The doctor kept trying new medicines, but you continued to have problems throughout the month of December.

Things didn’t improve for me either. The home health service told us they had done all Medicare would pay for, and they dismissed Dad. This meant from now on I would be the one giving him all of his baths. The physical therapist wouldn’t be around to keep him moving, so it would be up to me to keep him active.

I managed to put up the eight-foot artificial tree, decorated the house, and mailed my Christmas cards. However, shopping was another problem since I could leave home after Dad went to bed for the night. 

All the while, our children were demanding too much of my time. Kimberly was working and rotating between using her mom and me for babysitting services. A lot of the time, she and Jane were at odds, and she needed me to keep Lauren most of the time. Lauren was a good child, and I loved having her around, but the timing was bad. Little fingers were busy ones. I caught her unwrapping my tree ornament shaped like Christmas packages.

Christi was living in a nearby basement apartment, but she was in and out in the room across from Dad doing massages. Besides that, she was seeing three guys, and one of them was a scary looking dude. He had no job, and he had mental problems. He'd tried to kill himself twice. Christi thought he looked like a model. (model for a crime poster, maybe?) Matt, a decent guy with two children, had at one time gotten a restraining order put on Christi for stalking him. Now, he considered himself deeply in love with her. He kept calling us, upset because she was seeing the other guy, and he wasn’t able to find her. He had gifts he wanted to give her. (We were starting to think maybe he had mental problems too.)

All that drama, didn’t help your blood pressure. It was almost worse than when Christi lived with us. Now, if you tried to call her and got no answer, you were worried something horrible might have happened to her.

Connie was freaking out because the semester was ending, and she had papers to write and art projects and drafting projects to turn in. She pleaded for my help. I remembered one of the last years during my own college experience. I was taking too many college hours, and I'd worked myself into a corner. I remembered the panicked feeling. I needed my own mom's help, and she'd willingly come through for me. Could I do less for our daughter?

I did some research for Connie and typed up several papers. I also drilled her for some of her exams. With my help, she managed to pass everything with decent grades. As soon as school was out for the semester, she and Charlie took off for Mississippi to have Christmas with his family. They intended to be back on the 26th for Christmas with us. We would be celebrating one day late to accommodate everyone's schedule.

This year of 1995 would soon come to an end. It would be a year when so many bad things had happened, I was ready to label it the “the year of my discontent.” In spite of everything, we realized there was much to be thankful for. We still had each other, and we were dealing with problems as they arose. Our children had their own problems, which had an effect on us as well, but we knew they loved us. That alone was a reason to give thanks and to celebrate Christmas as best as we could.

THIS IS US:
Evan is 67 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 58 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. 
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby one year old
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-two. She is a senior in college. 
Jane is Kimberly mom.
Charlie is Connie's boyfriend who has recently moved to Chattanooga from South Mississippi.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 157
Putting to Rest a Bad Year

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan,

As 1995 drew to a close, it seemed that everyone in the family was having some kind of a problem. I was glad to see the year come to an end because it had been one of the worst in my memory. It started with the nearly two-month jury trial in which everyone was upset with me for not seeing things exactly the way they did. Then there was the time when I left my car out of gear to run inside for a minute, and it rolled down the hill into a tree almost totaling it. It was in the shop for two months. We had to rent a car to drive to Mississippi when I learned my mother had suffered a stroke and a heart attack. After two weeks in the hospital, she passed away, and I had to quit work to take care of my dad. There were so many ends to tie up after Mom’s death, and caregiving became my fulltime job.

Both you and I seemed to be having a lot of heart concerns. My palpitations, which started when I was in my twenties, had gotten more frequent and more severe. They never failed to alarm me. You were having tachycardia and your blood pressure kept going so high you had ended up in the emergency room more than once. The doctors had not found a prescription which could prevent it from happening.

Our children were always on our minds and managing to keep us on edge. We’d finally persuaded Christi, with all of her cats, to find another place to live. Still, she continued to have clients over at all hours for massages. She was continuing to juggle five or six guys as dates. Only one of them claimed to be madly in love with her. We all thought he was by far the best of the lot, but she had decided, now since he wanted her so badly, he was boring. He would call me and talk for hours until I’d have to tell him I needed to go. She had also started to get taken in by jerks who claimed to have pull in the music industry. They would tell her she could become a star if she would pay them to get her into some singing competition. They would promise her a likely record contract, but after she gave them money, they would disappear from the scene.

Carol had spent a couple of weeks in a place which was supposed to help her get past her divorce and over her co-dependency. As a result, we had somewhat been declared to be the reason her life was off track. She came home and got involved with a twelve-step program. I went with her to a couple of the meetings at night after I got Dad into bed. Most of the people there had family members who were alcoholics or drugs addicts. I don’t think they saw Carol’s problems as serious as theirs. She still had a serious crush on a guy who appeared to be an off again/on again friend. The lack of consistency was causing her a lot of unhappiness.

Connie and Charlie were planning to marry at some point, but they were often at odds. Connie was pushing getting married, but Charlie was dragging his feet and seemed to miss living in Mississippi. He’d decided, instead of being an EMT, he wanted to go back to college and become a nurse.

Just before Christmas, Connie quit her job as a salesperson with Home Place. Getting her back into school in January cost us well over $1,000 for her books and other materials. She was still living with Carol, but she was starting to feel that she was getting on Carol’s nerves. She wasn’t about to move back home. She and Carol weren’t as close as they had once been, and their age difference and that of their friends was a problem as well. Connie went looking for work again and got a temporary job doing data entry with an insurance agency.

Don and Kimberly were deeply in debt. They had sold the house in Atlanta and Kimberly had moved back to Chattanooga and was working, but Don was still doing construction work in Atlanta, because it paid better than being an intern in a local Chiropractic clinic. He couldn’t as yet afford to start his own business. Kimberly was using me for a babysitter whenever she could.

The fact that Don was in Atlanta so much of the time was taking its toll on his and Kimberly’s marriage. Connie and Kimberly were becoming close, and Kimberly confided in her that some really cute guy she worked with had a crush on her, and she was finding it very hard not to show an interest. We told Don he’d better get back to Chattanooga and find work here if he wanted to keep his marriage together.

Lauren was becoming a bit spoiled being moved around from one place to another while Kimberly worked at the hospital. When I kept her, she found reasons to cry a lot of the time. Kimberly tried her in a childcare center for a while, but she became very sick with a cold and ran a high fever for several days.

Since Home Health had dropped Dad because the insurance was no longer paying, all of Dad’s care fell on me. Bathing and shaving and other needs took up quite a bit of my day. I was also trying to keep him from feeling sad, so I played board games with him. You were never the kind of person who liked playing games, but Dad had always liked dominoes, checkers and Rook. I spent time with him playing games every day and also doing his bookkeeping and writing checks. I went to the library and got large print novels for him to read, as well.

One night, he couldn’t sleep, so he got up by himself at three in the morning, and read one of the books I had gotten him from cover to cover. It happened to be a Perry Mason book. I don’t know what Dad found objectionable about the book, but the following morning he told me, “I don’t want no more of them Gardner books because Perry Mason’s a damn liar.”

At least, most nights Dad went to bed really early, and it became the only time you and I could relax. I didn’t try to see very far into the future, because I knew as long as Dad lived, I would likely be his caregiver. I loved Dad, but my future seemed bleak.

Other than our family, the most noteworthy thing which happened in the US was the Oklahoma City courthouse bombing in April. It was August before Timothy McVey and another man were indicted. In October the O.J. Simpson trial ended with him being acquitted, to the surprise of everyone. In December, a Boeing 737 American Airline crashed into a mountain in Columbia killing 160 people.

Incidentally during the year, Mississippi became the last state to finally get around to ratifying the thirteenth amendment acknowledging the end of slavery. The amendment had originally been ratified by other states in 1867. People always seem to find reasons to make fun of Mississippi. I had to admit my birth state was a bit slow in getting in step with the rest of the world. I’m sure some folks there were unwilling to admit they were no longer a part of the Confederacy. The Rebel flag still flew.

THIS IS US:
Evan is 67 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 58 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. 
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby one year old
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-two. She is a senior in college. 
Charlie is Connie's boyfriend who has recently moved to Chattanooga from South Mississippi.
 

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Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 158
Sometimes the News is Good

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

From the first day, the year 1996 started out extremely cold. The temperature had been fairly mild for Chattanooga in November and December, but January was making up for it.  Every few days, it was snowing or threatening to. We didn’t have any snow deep enough to stay around over a day or so, but it was unpleasant enough with temperatures hovering around zero. We stayed inside as much as possible. You continued to have problems with your blood pressure, and the doctor kept changing your prescription.

By February, we were anxious to make a trip back to Mississippi. Dad wanted to touch base with his home and see if everything was okay. His home insurance had been canceled because the company learned no one was living there.

You were concerned about our farm in the country. A lady had contacted us wanting to rent it. She said it didn’t look as if anyone lived there and she thought the power had been cut off. She said there were no curtains on the windows. She didn’t see a car around so she went up and peeped in the window. A young guy came out and told her his family was renting the place, and they were planning to sign a new lease. She said we should get rid of those people, because she didn’t think they were taking very good care of the place. You said the Dodson family might not be the classiest people, but they didn’t demand much, and they paid their rent regularly, and you knew nothing about her.

The second week in February, we made the trip down. Dad didn’t sleep the night before and was ready to go hours before we left. As soon as we arrived, he sent me to buy flowers for Mom’s grave, and we went out to the cemetery. The stone we’d ordered had been placed and Dad was pleased with it. It had his name and birthdate on it as well. After we finished there, Dad checked out his house and saw it was fine. He was anxious to get back to Chattanooga. The long trip was hard on him. His home wasn't home without Mother.

We checked out our house and acreage and found it wasn’t in as bad a shape as the lady who called had  indicated. We visited your sister, Helen and your brother, Rhomas while we were there. Helen was upset because Jimmy had lost his latest job. Rhomas's, ex-wife, Shirley, had suffered a stroke and wasn’t doing well at all.  We learned our nephew, Gary, your sister Maxine’s son’s wife, who was suffering brain cancer, was still alive, but just barely hanging on. We weren’t the only ones who had gone through a traumatic past year.

When we returned home, we’d missed a couple of phone calls. One was from our lawyer in Maryville. We didn’t have an answering machine so there was no message. We hadn’t heard from him in over a year, and I assumed he was calling to tell us all the DPT cases had been settled and our case didn't get anywhere. We hadn’t expected to get any money. We’d met the deadline with minutes to spare a couple of years before, and the lawyer hadn’t been in touch with us in so long we’d given up.

The case had started five years earlier when we’d learned that the vaccine company was settling claims with people who had children who had either died or been permanently brain damaged from having taken the DPT vaccine as babies. We had lost Susan from the vaccine when she was two months old. The doctor, who they required a testamony from, had died. We hadn't been able to obtain all the information the case required, other than the autopsy. Susan had died in 1960, two days after having the injection.

It was Sunday evening, and I called the lawyer on Monday morning. He was excited. He said he’d been notified we’d qualified, and we’d be awarded some money. He didn’t know any details, but he said he’d let us know as soon as he found out more. We refused to be optimistic. The lawyer had put in quite a few hours, and whatever they intended to give us would likely be reduced to very little after he was paid.

Don’s job in Atlanta had played out, but he didn’t want to tell Kimberly he wouldn’t be bringing in any more money. She wanted him back in Chattanooga, but they needed the money, so she wanted him to keep working. He had one more state board to pass before he could get his chiropractic license in Tennessee, so he said he needed the extra time to study.

He and Kimberly left Lauren with us, even though she was running a fever, while they went on a skiing trip to Gatlinburg. Connie and Charlie and Christi and Matt also went. Charlie had never been snow-skiing before. He was unhappy because he liked to excel at everything, and he wasn’t very good at this sport.

By the time they got back, I had developed some severe back pains. I was in agony for over a week and was running a high fever and developing other symptoms. I must have picked up whatever Lauren had, and it was more severe for me. It may have been the flu. You decided I was contagious and slept in another room for a few days.

The lawyer called and said he’d be out to go over everything with us. What a shock! We had been awarded $250,000 to be paid out over the next four years in equal installments. The lawyer got the same amount we did, and he got no money from our settlement. Best of all, it was tax free, so this made me feel a whole lot better. You got busy, trying to decide how to invest it.

THIS IS US:
Evan is 67 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 58 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. 
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby one year old
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-two. She is a senior in college. 
Charlie is Connie's boyfriend who has recently moved to Chattanooga from South Mississippi.
Matt is one of Christi's boyfriends.

 

---

 [

 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 159
Houses Can Be Money Pits

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

After the good news, we’d gotten about the vaccine settlement, we were determined to try to have a more positive outlook. Hopefully, things were going to be better. But our rollercoaster life wasn’t about to allow everything to go smoothly for us.  Life is all about enjoying the good and dealing with the bad.

Our renters in Mississippi had told us they wanted to sign another lease on the house, but we needed to do something about the leaking roof. You had looked at it and determined it needed to be replaced. It was hard to believe we started building that house in the early seventies. It had taken forever to get it to a livable stage without borrowing any money on it, but now in 1996 it was starting to need repairs.

We'd replaced the roof once before, but that time you had done the work and saved time by putting the new shingles over the old ones. This time all of that would need to be torn off and replaced. For years, we’d used the house as a vacation and weekend place, but now that we lived so far away, it seemed more practical to rent it. You weren’t ready to sell it. You still toyed with the thought of returning someday.

You asked our renters to get an estimate on a new roof. When they sent us the paper wook, it was $6,000. You thought that was way too expensive, and decided to ask Don if he would do the work and let part of the money you paid him go toward paying off some of the money he owed us. He was already an experienced carpenter and presently without work. He agreed once he determined the guy in Atlanta didn’t have more work coming up any time soon. Don was so badly in debt, he had to borrow a lot more from us before he left. Unfortunately, it would still be a month or so before we would see any of the money from the vaccine settlement.

Connie's boyfriend, Charlie, decided he’d take some time from his job and go help Don with the work so the job would go faster. We agreed to pay him too. They stayed in Dad's house at night in Newton. It turned out to be a much bigger job than anyone had anticipated. After they started tearing off the roofing, they realized much of the plywood beneath it was rotted and had to be replaced. Don called and wanted to hire our tenants two teenage sons to help tear the old roof off and haul it away. A lot of materials had to be purchased for the job.

Don and Charlie snooped all over Dad and Mom’s house looking at old bank statements and trying to find out how much money Dad had. They also did a lot of talking, and Don tried to convince Charlie he shouldn’t marry Connie just like she had been afraid he would. I was furious with him, because he seemed to think he was an expert in relationships. I wasn’t convinced he was doing such a great job with his own.

Another thing you and I had a problem with was we learned he and Charlie went to the nearby casino at the Indian reservation after working all day and spent most of the night gambling. I’m pretty sure that was Charlie’s idea because Connie had told me he liked to gamble. At the end of the week, the roof was only about a fourth finished. They came back home with a stack of receipts for us to pay. Don went down the following week and was able to finish the roof. He wasn't happy about having to stay in Dad’s house alone.

Connie had been worried about Don and Charlie being together. She felt like Don's interference with her and Lenny had probably helped break up that relationship. Don had also tried to break up Carol and Glen before they got married. Actually, to Don’s surprise, Charlie came back anxious to marry Connie. Up until then, he'd been reluctant, hoping to get his debts paid off first. He wanted to know if we would pay for the wedding and continue to pay for Connie to finish college. They wanted to get married after they were both out of school for the summer. We agreed, because we'd put out money on both Don and Carol’s weddings. 

With Don away, I’d had to keep Lauren much of the time since Kimberly wasn’t getting along very well with her mother. Lauren was getting really cute and starting to talk. She had busy little fingers, and she pretty much trashed my house every time she came over. She couldn’t handle being scolded. If anyone said a cross word to her, she would cry for hours. Connie told Kimberly they weren’t raising her right, and that she was spoiled. Kimberly didn’t like that at all. She said she thought Connie would be a cool aunt. Kimberly stayed in a bad mood most of the time Don was gone.

Dad was having some problems with his bowels. Some days I was having to change everything he wore several times a day and clean him up. One night, he started yelling for help in the middle of the night. We hurried down and found him lying on the floor. He’d gotten up by himself and dropped something. When he tried to pick it up, he got overbalanced and fell. He got a cut on his face from something he hit. Before Mom died, she had to deal with the same kind of problems. I wondered if the stress of handling him alone had contributed to her death. At least, I had your help to get him off the floor. Mom had had to call 911 when he fell.

Kimberly heard about a continuing education class at the local college on writing poetry. She was interested and asked me if I would like to take the class with her. It was at night, and Dad always went to bed before dark, so I told her it sounded like fun. Kimberly said she’d pay for us both to go and my forty-dollar fee would come off their debt. The class met once a week. Kimberly was willing to pick me  up and do the driving.

The class had only had ten people signed up for it. The first night we met, the teacher, who was a journalist and poet, gave us a list of words and had us write two poems, one rhymed and one unrhymed. He gave us a homework assignment to write about ourselves and what we hoped to gain from the class. He said we could bring him all the work we'd done previously, and he would evluate it.

The second night we met, he paired us up with another member of the class. We had to interview each other and then write a poem about our new aquaintance. It was a good mixer exercise. I enjoyed the class. I’d taken a class on writing fiction once but never anything about poetry. I'd written a lot of poems, but no one had ever explained about counting syllables in rhymed poetry. I went back and looked over the rhymed poems I’d written and found that I didn’t have to do a lot of corrections, because most of the syllable counts were right. I’d only gone by what sounded right to me.

Kimberly only attended two or three of the classes before she decided to drop out. I guess night classes were too much for a working mother. I think she was working 12 hour shifts as a nurse. She claimed she liked the class, but I had to start going alone.

I was a little disappointed when the teacher evaluated the poems I gave him to look at. He didn't give me any helpful criticism. His words were all glowing compliments, which made me think he didn't want to risk hurting anyone's feelings. He didn't get into different kinds of poetry, other than rhymed and free verse. Nothing was mentioned about meter which was something I felt I needed. Still, I was determined to finish the course, because I was enjoying being able to get out of the house and do something different.

THIS IS US:
Evan is 67 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 58 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at Chattanooga hospital
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby 18 mos. old.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-two. She is a senior in college. 
Charlie is Connie's boyfriend who has recently moved to Chattanooga from South Mississippi.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 160
A Wedding On The Horizon

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Once Charlie had made up his mind he was ready to get married, Connie couldn’t wait to get started making wedding plans. They began by shopping for rings and ended up buying the rings without the stone, because Charlie had a cousin who worked with rings and could get the diamond for a lot less money than it would cost at the local jewelry stores. They made another trip to Mississippi to tell Charlie’s family about the fact they were getting married. Charlie’s family liked Connie and were excited about the news. Connie had gone back home with him so many times, they already felt like family to her.

When Connie and Charlie were around us, they argued constantly. They disagreed about the size of the diamond, where they would live, and where they would go on their honeymoon. Connie wanted to go out of the country, and Charlie thought they should go on a back-packing trip. With all their differences, you and I wondered how long this marriage could last. Connie claimed they didn’t fight as much when it was just them. They did agree to get counseling from a pastor since our church advised it.

Connie was spending a good portion of her time at his apartment in Chattanooga, and she wanted to go ahead and move in and not have to pay any more rent at Carol’s apartment, since she was seldom there. I don’t know what happened with that, because she didn’t tell us. She knew you would be upset.

Ever since Carol had spent time at The Bridge in Kentucky, which was supposed to help her with co-dependency problems and dealing with the divorce, she was constantly going to co-dependency and 12-step programs trying to work on “gaining her power back,” as she put it. She seemed to be forcing herself to be more sociable with people her age. She was obsessed with Roy, a young divorced Spanish guy, who said he only wanted to be friends and wasn’t interested in marrying again.

She had convinced herself that her life went off-track because of something you and I had done or not done when she was very young. Carol had an introverted personality type which caused her to be constantly obsessing about herself. She called it living in her head.

She had been overly religious before and during her marriage, but now she was starting to believe you and I as well as the church had harmed her. She always disagreed when I told her we had a good marriage and we were happy and I felt we had a more stable home than most. She claimed I’d ruined your life by not wanting to live in the country. Since you’d retired you seemed happier than ever, other than dealing with heart and blood pressure problems. I’d always been content with my life, so neither of us understood why she seemed to have so many problems.

I continued to write poems and stories when I wasn’t too busy with Dad. A letter arrived from a magazine in Washington state saying they wanted to print a story I’d sent in for consideration. They wanted a picture to illustrate it if I had any. The story involved a beach on a lake where Carol had lost a watch as a young child. I decided to do a drawing to illustrate the story, and I was pleased when the magazine liked my illustration as well. I also won a couple of contests with a southern literary association on two of my poems.  

As Connie’s college semester neared an end in April, she had gotten so far behind in work which needed to be turned in, she begged for my help. I realized doing the work for her wasn’t helping her, but on the other hand, I’d once begged my own mother for help when I was in college. If I helped her make it through college, maybe we could stop so much money from going out. When I was typing and doing research for her, she was often spending time with Charlie and doing fun things. It felt like I was being used. I was starting to feel as co-dependent as Carol. I couldn’t understand why the kids liked to say I was negative, when I had so much trouble telling my family 'no'  when they asked for help. Maybe my first reaction was 'no,' but I usually caved in.

One of Connie’s friends called to tell her that her old boyfriend, Lenny’s, father had died from Aids. We were shocked, but it explained some things, like why a high school principal suddenly retired so young, why Lenny’s adopted parent’s marriage had ended in divorce, and why Lenny’s personality seemed to change almost overnight and he stopped seeing many of his longtime friends. It might have even explained why he broke up with Connie. We had all loved Lenny. Of course, we liked Charlie as well, but he seemed more confrontational and less mellow than Lenny had been.  

Christi’s landlady was giving her problems. She was threatening to evict her from the basement apartment because she claimed there was an odor coming up from below due to Christi having cats in the apartment. She also complained about some of Christi’s boyfriends coming around. You and I were determined she couldn’t come back to live here, because she didn’t respect our rules and kept you upset with her late hours.

Don had passed the Georgia Chiropractic board and was thinking about going to work with a Chiropractor in Ringgold, GA which was only a few miles from Chattanooga. Two brothers were running the clinic, but one was an alcoholic and his brother wanted him out. It sounded like an ‘iffy’ situation to us. We hoped something would work out for Don soon so he could work at his chosen profession.

Connie and Charlie set their wedding date for June. She ordered her wedding invitations and bought the dress, all of which we paid for. The wedding flowers and her bouquet would be daisies and sunflowers, as would all the decorations for the reception. The wedding would be in south Mississippi near Hattiesburg. Charlie’s family and friends would provide the food. The church and place for the reception would be free as long as it was left clean.

Kimberly would be the pianist. You would walk Connie down the aisle. Charlie’s little three-year-old nephew would be the ring bearer and Lauren who wasn’t quite two would be a flower girl. Connie asked her best friend, Lesley, from New Orleans to be the maid of honor. She and Charlie started buying pieces of furniture and I bought them a bed and table as a wedding gift.

Nothing ever goes smoothly at these kinds of celebrations, so we wondered what calamities we would be dealing with for this wedding. With only a month to go, we would soon find out.

THIS IS US:
Evan is 67 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 58 and has given up working in the printing field and is home taking care of disabled father.
Carol is 33, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at Chattanooga hospital
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby in nearly two..
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-two. She is a senior in college. 
Charlie is Connie's boyfriend who has recently moved to Chattanooga from South Mississippi.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 161
Prelude to the Wedding

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

From the time Charlie decided he was ready to get married, Connie started planning the wedding. I’d never been involved in wedding plans, and I wanted to help. Mom had made the decisions concerning my home wedding. Carol was living in South Georgia when she and Glen got married, so all we did was send money as it was needed. Kimberly and her mom planned her wedding, although we paid at least half of the expenses. Connie didn’t want my help with the planning. She shot down everything I suggested except for the writing of the checks.  

I did go shopping with her for her dress, so I could pay for it. After many days of searching, the long white dress she eventually chose was extremely simple but elegant with wide shoulder straps and no train. I wanted to make the veil to save money but she insisted on buying one.

We learned Connie’s high school boyfriend, Lenny, had married the girl he was dating. He and the girl attended the same college as Connie, and she was extremely jealous of Connie. We wondered if maybe Connie’s eagerness to get married had anything to do with Lenny being married already.

Dad seemed to be getting weaker by the day, and he was passing out for short spells when his blood pressure dropped. I’d been able to get Home-Health back in for two more months which helped.  Once he passed out in the bathtub. The nurse-aide got very upset, and the decision was made that he was not to have more tub baths. The doctor had him wear a heart event-monitor but Dad didn’t like it and took it off and refused to wear it.

Charlie and Connie continued to argue over almost everything. Charlie seemed to enjoy debating whatever the subject was, but Connie was easily upset. She was stressed and angry a lot of the time. When Connie’s 23rd birthday came in early June, Charlie didn’t make a big deal over it. He bought her a couple of Disney movies which she liked to collect, but he didn’t take her out. She was very hurt and tried to punish him by ignoring him. He reminded her that she was about to get a very expensive ring.

Our other two daughters seemed more depressed than we’d ever seen either of them. Carol’s depression had everyone concerned. She had always been a reserved person who didn’t care to share anything negative with family, but she’d always had a gentle disposition and had seemed to enjoy being with us. She’d always been the one we felt we could count on to listen to our concerns. Now she was sharing only with her co-dependency group and writing her feelings into a journal. She didn’t come around often. If I called her, she was almost hostile and didn’t want to talk. I assumed she was depressed over the guy she liked, but just wanted to be friends, and the fact Connie was moving out and leaving her all alone.

Connie finished her school year with satisfactory grades. She and Charlie found a reasonably priced apartment they loved and she moved her things from Carol's apartment. She was very unhappy when we said we wished she would wait until the wedding to move in. She indicated she felt she had no place to call home when most of her things were at the apartment, and we expected her to sleep at Carol’s apartment. I have a feeling she spent most nights at the apartment.

Once college was out for the summer, Connie ordered her wedding invitations, made arrangements for flowers, got a new wardrobe and made a deposit on a honeymoon in Cancun, all of which we paid for. She would make up her mind about something and change it over and over again. The music was one of the harder things for her to decide on. Kimberly would be playing the piano and Christi would sing. Don and Kimberly would sing as well. Charlie had decided he would surprise Connie by singing to her. Connie and her best friend from New Orleans, Lesley, planned what she would wear. My friend, Diane, Lesley’s Mom would make her dress.

A shower was planned for her in Mississippi, but it was too many hours away and I couldn’t leave Dad to go down for it. Connie felt I was letting her down. She couldn’t understand why needing to take care of my dad would cause me to put my life on hold.

The wedding was set for June 30th. We planned to go down on the 28th so we could be there for the rehearsal. The days leading up to the wedding were busy ones. The food for the reception was being prepared by Charlie’s parents and friends, but we sent money to buy the groceries to prepare it. In addition, I made the spinach dip and Carol and I both made cookies.

Charlie and Connie needed to borrow our Infinity because their cars weren’t in good shape, so we went about the process of renting a vehicle. Carol refused to bring Christi because there were always problems when they traveled together. Carol would travel alone in her car and Don and Kimberly would come on the day before the wedding. We wanted to rent a station wagon for room because we had to bring Christi as well as Dad and his walker and wheel chair and the back would be packed, but in the end no large vehicle was available and we had to rent a midsize sedan.

Just before the trip down, Connie confessed that she and Charlie had taken the required blood test too late to get their license in Mississippi. As a result, they came back to Chattanooga and went to the Justice of the Peace and got married at the court house several days before. They were afraid to tell us because they didn’t want us upset about not being at their actual marriage. I told her not to worry, because now there would be no chance Charlie would change his mind and leave her at the altar.

We’d hoped to get an early start on our way down for the wedding, but nothing goes as planned. If we’d only realized what a nightmare we would soon face, we might have tried to prepare ourselves. On the other hand, maybe it was best we didn’t know.

THIS IS US:
Evan is 67 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 58 and has given up working in the printing field and is home taking care of disabled father.
Carol is 33, a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 32, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at Chattanooga hospital
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby in nearly two..
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-two. She is a senior in college. 
Charlie is Connie's boyfriend who has recently moved to Chattanooga from South Mississippi.
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents. I'd planned to get the wedding into this chapter but too much was happening leading up and it would make the chapter too long.

Chapter 162
A Painful Memorable Journey

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Our plan was to leave for Mississippi on Friday morning before the Sunday wedding and stay in Newton at Dad’s house. We packed our rental car the night before, hoping to get an early start. We’d asked Christi to be at our house at eight a.m. so we could be on our way. Of course, she had no concept of early, and despite phone calls to her place, it was afternoon when she finally came over with a ton of luggage and demands we take her to the bank before leaving.

We got on our way just before two p.m. The car was packed to the max. We had Dad's walker and wheelchair, our luggage, your tuxedo and my dress on hangers, plus food and all the things Christi brought. We’d just passed Birmingham when a tire went flat. We pulled off the highway and started unpacking the trunk to get to the donut tire. The temperature was near 100° and we were all sweltering.

Fortunately, we'd barely gotten stopped when a young man pulled up and offered to help. The flat was on the front, and he said it would be safer on the back, so he changed two tires which took a lot of time. After we repacked the trunk, the guy took our flat and guided us to Sears where we could buy another tire. You declared him to be an angel, because you didn’t feel you could have handled the job in the extreme heat with your blood pressure problem. He didn’t want anything for his trouble, but you insisted he take something.

We called the rental company to tell them what we were doing. They said we couldn’t buy the tire. We had to take the car back to the Birmingham airport and swap it for another rental car. I had no choice but to hold the flat tire, because it was too large to fit in the trunk with all of Dad's equipment. Not knowing our way around the area, we lost our way. 

When we finally found the airport, it was crowded and the lines for vehicle rental were long. We told them we just couldn’t unpack the trunk again. The lady at the rental counter said it was too late to get a another tire, because the service area was closed. We would have to exchange our car. By that time, you were exhausted. My legs were numb from holding the tire, I was covered with black from head to foot and tears were streaming down my face mixing with the smudges.

Christi was giving us fits, and Dad was demanding that we forget the wedding and turn around and go back to Chattanooga. We were forced to unpack everything and repack it in the middle of the airport parking lot. There was a ton of paperwork to fill out. We demanded they bring the other car to us. A trip that should have taken five hours took ten and got us to Newton way after dark. None of us bothered to eat. After I cleaned Daddy up, we all fell into bed totally spent.

The following morning, Dad needed to go to the toilet. The minute I got him on the commode, he passed out. We couldn’t bring him around and we had to make a call to 911. The EMT’s were unable to get a pressure reading, and said his heart was only beating around ten times a minute. The Newton Hospital wouldn’t take him. The ambulance had to transport him to Meridian, which was thirty miles away. You and I followed the ambulance, leaving Christi at the house crying because Mom was gone, and it looked like Dad might not make it. It was the first time she'd been back to their house since Mom died, and she always worshiped her grandparents.

When we got to the Meridian hospital, they had him in the Emergency Room, and it took a couple of hours before they finally allowed only one of us to go into the Intensive Care Unit to see him. They had managed to stabilize him. We hated to leave him, but at least he was where he could get care. Even if we stayed, we would only be allowed in every few hours. We were due for the rehearsal near Hattiesburg at five o’clock, so we went back to Newton, got dressed and headed for the rehearsal.

The church was small and quaint, but beautiful. It looked perfect for a wedding chapel. We’d met Charlie’s mom and dad before, but until now we’d not met the extended Diamond family. I especially liked Charlie’s grandmother. We went through the rehearsal a couple of times. Kimberly got aquainted with the piano and Christi practiced one of her songs. Lauren and the little ring bearer mainly played around. After the rehearsal, we ate the prepared food and drove the 80 miles back to Newton. Don’s family and Carol stayed overnight in a doublewide mobile home owned by Charlie’s uncle, who was out of town.

When we got back to Newton, the hospital had been trying to get in touch with us. Dad’s heart had stopped again, and they’d had to install a temporary pacemaker. They said they thought he would be okay until they could do permanent surgery on Monday. We went to the hospital on Sunday morning. He was still in the Intensive Care Unit, and we could only see him for a minute. He looked better than I’d seen him in quite a while. His color was good and the swelling in his legs was down. He wasn’t happy, because I couldn’t stay with him, but there was no point in staying if I could only be there a few minutes every few hours. We had a couple of hour’s drive ahead of us and a wedding to attend.

All four of your siblings plus Nan’s husband, Richard, were already at the church when we arrived. We also had friends from Jackson and New Orleans there. The Church was full and extremely hot. It wasn’t until minutes before the ceremony when someone discovered all the vents were closed. The only other faux pas was when a female cleaning lady crawled across the podium, apparently to plug something in, while the wedding music was being played. I'd never seen that at a wedding before.

After the church cooled a bit, the ceremony went well and was very pretty. All I had to do was light a candle with Charlie’s mom. You led Connie down the aisle and gave her away. Don had to walk little Lauren down with her basket of flowers. Charlie’s sister’s five-year-old son, the ring bearer, was cute. He wasn’t ready to part with the rings. The reception hall was beautifully decorated. There was more than enough food, with much left over for the local nursing home. We got home late and called the hospital. Dad was resting.

All our children, including Christi, spent another night in Charlie’s uncle’s double-wide mobile home. It seems Carol and Christi got no sleep, because they were in a verbal battle all night. Don and Kimberly were aggravated with both of them. They agreed to give Christi a ride back to Chattanooga because Carol refused to take her.

The following morning, we learned that Connie and Charlie got off at four a.m. going to the New Orleans airport for their flight to Cancun. In the rush, Connie left her luggage behind. She had to fly out with absolutely nothing to wear other than what she had on.

The other children met us at the hospital in Meridian on Monday morning, and got to see Dad. His surgery was scheduled for the afternoon. We gave your and Charlie’s Tuxs to Carol to return when she got home. All of us went out for breakfast before the kids left on their way back to Chattanooga. You and I could only hope we could leave by Wednesday if things went well with Dad's surgery.

THIS IS US:
Evan is 67 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 58 and has given up working in the printing field and is home taking care of disabled father.
Carol is 33, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at Chattanooga hospital
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby in nearly two..
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-three. She is a senior in college. 
Charlie is from South Mississippi. Connie met him at a summer camp where she was a youth leader.
Evan's Sibblings: Sisters, Helen, Maxine and Nan.  Brother: Rhomus
 
 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents. If you've not read "Prelude to a Wedding" you should read it first. It is active.

Chapter 163
After the Wedding

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When Irefer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

 

It was a relief that the wedding was behind us. We’d made arrangements to keep the rental car longer since we’d only rented it through Monday. The rental company did make an slight adjustment on the rent since we’d had the tire go flat and had problems exchanging cars in Birmingham. The most they would allow was $50. and that after a lot of haggling. At first, they offered $20.  After the rest of our family left going back to Chattanooga, you and I went back to the hospital to await Dad’s pacemaker surgery, which we’d been told would be in the early afternoon.

 

It would be a long day.  Dad was anxious to have it behind him. The temporary pacemaker was making him feel much better by keeping his heart regulated and the swelling down in his feet and legs. Still, Dad was a very impatient man. He wasn’t happy that he would have a pacemaker. He convinced himself that no one lives over two years after getting one. That was a ridiculous assumption, but friends he’d known who had one had not lived long. He had also seen too many movies where microwaves and vending machines ended up killing people with pacemakers. Never trust a movie for medical advice.

 

It turned out the hospital didn’t take Dad into surgery until 4 o’clock in the afternoon. The surgery lasted about an hour and a half and everything went well. We stayed until he was awake, and then returned to Newton for another night. We promised Dad we would return early the following day, and if the doctor dismissed him, we’d be able to go home.

 

Back in Newton, we went to the nursing home to visit Mom's sister, Aunt Chris. She was ninety-three and had lost her short-term memory. She’d lived with her adopted son, Keith and his wife, Vickie, from the Philippines. Keith decided he didn’t want to be married to her any longer, so like the jerk he’d become, he moved in with another woman and left Aunt Chris behind. Vickie was forced to get a job, and put Aunt Chris in a nursing home. Aunt Chris seemed to be handling it well, but she asked me every five minutes if Mom was still living. She remembered her past perfectly, but nothing that had happened recently. Maybe that was a blessing.

 

The following morning when we got to the hospital, Dad had already seen the doctor. They wanted to take a CT scan and make sure the pacemaker was in place, but Dad was refusing. He was irritable and said he got no sleep because they kept coming in all night. He was on a low sodium diet, but he didn’t like the way it tasted. He claimed it felt like he had a “little devil” in his chest, and he wanted to rip it out.  When Dad realized he couldn’t leave until he got the scan, he finally went along with it, and we were able to take him home. The trip home was uneventful compared to the trip down.

 

When we got home, Connie called us and said they were having a wonderful time in Cancun. She bought one outfit, some underwear and a bathing suit, using our credit card, and said she didn’t really need clothes there. She and Charlie thought the place was like paradise. Charlie was sorry he had protested about having to go out of the country for a honeymoon. She said the honeymoon package included all the food they could eat. The staff kept sending champagne to their room. Neither of them liked it, so they weren’t drinking it.

 

Dad and I had appointments with our heart doctor a couple of days after we got back. A few days before the wedding, I’d had a palpitation spell while you and I were out looking for a car to buy. The palpitations had been happening more often as of late, but my doctor had told me he couldn't diagnose what was causing it unless he could see it on an EKG. I usually found a place to rest when it happened, and by massaging my carotid artery, I would be able to get the rate back to normal. This time I had decided not to try to get it back in rhythm, but to go instead to the emergency room and let them do an EKG to show my doctor.

 

When we’d gotten to Memorial Hoslpital, they quickly hooked me up to the EKG machine. I explained that I hadn’t tried to get it back to regular, because my heart doctor needed to see an EKG of what was happening. The technician looked at me like I was a freak and said, “You are able to stop this all by yourself?" My heart was beating 170 beats per minute.

 

I put my hand up to my neck and massaged my artery, and it converted back to 70 beats per minutes immediately. The technician acted like he had never seen that done before. They sent the EKG to my doctor. When Dad and I went in for our appointments, Dr. Perry said he understood now what was happening with my heart, and I needed a coronary ablation as soon as possible. When he explained the procedure, it sounded dangerous, and I refused to set up an appointment. It would involve finding the spot in my heart triggering an accelerated beat and cauterizing it. I needed to think about it. He wasn’t at all pleased with me.

 

Dr. Perry wasn’t happy with Daddy either, because he said he should have been the one to install the pacemaker. He was a no nonsense high-strung German doctor, who had no tolerance for people who didn’t do exactly as he said. He acted as though we’d deliberately taken Dad out of town to have the pacemaker installed. At any rate, we learned there would be a monthly telephone check on the pacemaker, and we would be sent a monitor to hook Dad up to. A reading would be taken by phone. I would also need to bring Dad into the office to be checked every four months.

 

Things started to return to normal at home. You got busy with your garden, and we kept looking for a new car to buy every time we got a chance to get out. We were also looking for property. I didn’t think we needed more property, but because we’d gotten money from the DPT settlement, you were trying to decide if we should invest in property or put the money into a CD.

 

At that moment in time, we were getting a break from the recent serious traumas, but knowing how our lives generally evolved, we felt we’d better enjoy the lull while it lasted.

 

THIS IS US:
Evan is 67 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 58 and has given up working in the printing field and is home taking care of disabled father.
Carol is 33, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at Chattanooga hospital
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby in nearly two..
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-three. She is a senior in college. 
Charlie is Connie husband she just married on the past Sunday.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 164
The Summer of `96 Continues

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Now that we were back in Chattanooga, Don admitted he was without a job again. He had been working with a chiropractor in Ringgold, who had planned to have Don replace his brother, also a chiropractor, but with a drinking problem. The brother had gotten his act together and was back at work, leaving no spot for Don. The doctor told Don he would hire him again if he started the branch clinic he hoped to open in Chattanooga, and if Don passed the Tennessee boards. Don was embarrassed and didn’t want anyone to know he was out of work, especially Kimberly’s mother, Jane. She was always looking for a reason to put him down.

Don had taken the test for the Tennessee Boards and was awaiting the results. We knew he and Kimberly were deeply in debt, so you offered him a job painting our house, until something else came along. When we bought the house, the exterior was unpainted western cedar, which was being allowed to age naturally. After a few years, it was starting to look weathered, and we’d already had it painted once. The color I’d picked looked pinkish in the evening light, and you didn’t care for the shade. It was also starting to age, so we picked a more neutral color. Our house was large and was a lot of work for one person.  Don pressure washed it to kill the mildew before he started painting. We kept Lauren while he did the work. She was fascinated watching her dad paint. She wanted to paint too, so I gave her a little brush and let her pretend. Our house looked great once the paint and two-color trim was in place.

Don’s test results came, and he was relieved to find he’d passed the Tenn. Boards. At one point, he took off work for an interview with another chiropractor across the river. He was encouraged this might lead to an opportunity in his field. Since he'd sent his resumes out all over the area, he did have one doctor hire him to take his place for two weeks, while he went on vacation. The patients seem to feel Don really helped them and he was becoming more confident the more adjustments he did.

Dad liked to be in bed well before dark, but Christi often came over after work to practice for a karaoke contest she wanted to enter. Dad was not a music fan, and it really irritated him when she played piano and sang. It reminded me of when I’d taken piano lessons as a child. I’d not been allowed to touch the piano when he was home, nor could I play records or listen to the radio. He couldn’t stand noise, and all music was noise to his ears. The intercom I’d connected to his room would broadcast his displeasure when Christi was over. We could hear him cursing in his room, and often I'd have to insist that she end her practice sessions.

It seemed with so much happening in our personal world we weren’t paying much attention to what was happening outside of our own realm. However, some things had made the news recently, which I should mention. Ted Kaczynski was arrested as the suspected Unabomber. He was living off the grid in Montana. He had 16 domestic terrorist bombings to his credit, dating back from 1978 to the present. Dolly the Sheep became the first animal ever cloned, and more recently TWA flight 800 had exploded off the coast of Long Island, NY killing all 230 people on board. Rumors of the plane possibly being shot down were circulating.

The air disaster spooked your sister, Maxine, who was soon to leave for England with her son, Gary. Gary’s wife, Cindy, had passed away in early May after two years of aggressive treatment for brain cancer. Cindy had been the love of Gary's life ever since fifth grade, and he was having a hard time dealing with his loss. Since Maxine had spent so much time taking care of her, Gary planned a trip for the two of them, on the supersonic plane, the Concorde. They would fly to London, spend a week and return on the Queen Mary. Maxine was only going because she felt her son needed her. News of an airline explosion did little to calm her fears. Still, I couldn’t help but be a bit envious of an exciting sounding trip. It looked as if my hopes of being able to travel once our children were grown were not to be realized any time soon.

The world was preparing for the Summer Olympics in nearby Atlanta. We had no idea another disaster would shake the world in less than a week.

THIS IS US:
Evan is 67 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 58 and has given up working in the printing field and is home taking care of disabled father.
Carol is 33, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at Chattanooga hospital
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby in nearly two..
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-three. She is a senior in college. 
Charlie is Connie's husband as of June 30, 1996.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 165
Domestic Terror in the News

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

In the last chapter, I mentioned another incident would cause a media frenzy in the near future. Thankfully, this had no impact on our immediate family, other than to alert us to the fact much was happening in the world outside of our own walls. Since the Summer Olympics were beginning so near us, we were especially interested. Even Tennessee was involved with the white water rapids north of us also being a site of activity.

It was the end of July, when a single crude pipe bomb exploded in Centennial Olympic Park, the main site of the games. The explosion killed two and injured 112 people. A security guard, Richard Jewel, alerted police to the backpack just before the blast occurred. The FBI became involved and immediately profiled Jewel, although they had nothing linking him to the crime. When the profile fit, and they were sure they had their man, they leaked his name to the media, and for days, he was harassed and questioned before the FBI gave up and admitted he was not the guilty party. Profiling has its drawbacks.

Since this case went unsolved in 1996, I’ll move ahead and follow it to its conclusion.  A few months earlier an abortion opponent, Eric Rudolph, had bombed an abortion clinic in Birmingham. The crude bomb used was so similar that two years later, in 1998, the FBI declared him to be a suspect. The FBI also suspected him to be the right-wing extremist who had bombed both a gay nightclub and also an abortion clinic in Atlanta.

The FBI put out a warrant for his arrest, and Rudolph disappeared into the Appalachian Mountains to live off the land. There were people who felt strongly about abortion and were deeply prejudiced against gays. They considered him to be a hero, condoning the violence. Evidence showed he was being helped by some on the outside. His escape triggered a massive manhunt which lasted five years. He was finally apprehended going through a trash can near the North Carolina mountains in 2003. Apparently, his craving for fast food became his undoing. In 2005, he confessed to all four bombings and was sentenced to multiple lifetimes of imprisonment. 

Back once again to the Shelby family, Charlie and Connie returned from their honeymoon and moved into the apartment they had rented across town. They had only been back a few days, when Charlie’s grandmother died suddenly. She'd seemed healthy at the wedding, and I had enjoyed getting to know her. They went back to Mississippi for her funeral. A few weeks later Charlie’s parents came to Chattanooga to see where they were living and to visit with us as well. Connie and Charlie also had his sister’s family stay with them for a while. Connie was discovering being the lady of the house often means playing hostess for company. Charlie’s job was on the nightshift.  Connie got busy and refinished some furniture in her apartment to keep from being bored while he slept.

With Connie out of Carol’s apartment, Carol let a Spanish girl she had met in a singles group move in with her temporarily. Carol wasn’t convinced Delia would be compatible enough to be a roommate, but she needed the money the girl paid her. She hoped her stay would be a short one. Carol often had potlucks at her apartment with friends. One weekend, she invited the family. We left dad with a phone to call if he needed us. For a couple of hours, it was good to be able to get out of the house and have a meal with family.

Don finished the work on the outside of our house, but he needed more work. We agreed to let him put ceramic tile on Dad’s floor. Dad wasn’t happy about having to be moved from his room and crowded into Christi's massage room across the hall while Don worked. The floor looked much nicer when it was finished, but Don was still having trouble coming up with money for his apartment rent. We had to let him have an additional $400 in advance of working it off. The doctor who had promised to rehire him was still looking for an office to set up for another practice. 

This time, we agreed to let Don refinish our cabinets. I went a little nuts once all my cabinets were emptied, with all the doors off, and drawers out. It took Don a while to finish the job and having the kitchen in such chaos was making it almost impossible to get meals together. In addition, I was trying to keep Lauren occupied while Don worked. The odor of varnish and sawdust was everywhere. While Don worked inside, you stayed busy outside working in your garden. You had a bumper crop of lima beans to be picked, shelled and frozen along with other vegetables, so this created additional problems in the kitchen area.

The heart doctor had insisted we make an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon to see if something could be done to help Dad walk again. I took him for an appointment, in spite of his protests. The doctor x-rayed and said he needed knee replacement surgery, but he didn’t recommend it because of his age. He said the surgery was painful and would require extensive physical therapy. Dad would need to be highly motivated to walk again. Dad agreed to get an injection in his joints to help with pain, but the outcome would be only temporary. 

Christi's car broke down. She had met a guy, who claimed he could fix it for her. She left the car with him, which was a bad decision. It turned into weeks of him giving her the runaround about not having a chance to look at it. In the meantime, it meant one of us had to drive her across town to her receptionist job.

She was burned out on her job and was anxious to quit and be a fulltime massage therapist. Her heart was no longer in her work. Because she was late so often, we were all amazed she had been able to work there as long as she had. She hoped to work with a lady chiropractor in another part of the city. She and the lady had become friends, and she'd agreed to hire her once Christi got her massage license. Christi had passed the boards, and was awaiting the license. For years she had been doing massages in our house without a license. 

It was now late August and Connie and Charlie were both working, but now it was the start of the fall college semester. If things worked out, this would be Connie’s last semester, and hopefully, she could find work in her field as an interior designer. Once again, we paid for Connie’s tuition and the required materials for her courses.

I was still four years from the earliest I could draw Social Security, so all of the money we had to keep shelling out was on you. People who never had kids didn’t realize what they were missing. There was a time I assumed getting them to eighteen would be the end of our responsibility. It must have been wishful thinking, or maybe you and I just flunked the chapter on tough love.

THIS IS US:
Evan is 67 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 58 and has given up working in the printing field and is home taking care of disabled father.
Carol is 33, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at Chattanooga hospital
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby in nearly two..
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-three. She is a senior in college. 
Charlie is Connie's husband as of June 30, 1996.

 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 166
Do We Really Need a Sun Room?

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

In early August, Don talked to the Chiropractor who was thinking of opening a new clinic, and he was told he would like him to head it up. The problem was it would be two more months before the building would be ready. Don and Kimberly needed money immediately. He had refinished all my cabinets in my kitchen and in all three bathrooms, and he still needed work. 

A few months earlier, we'd tried to help both Don and Christi get their debts under control by co-signing on loans for each of them between twelve and eighteen thousand. It became clear those were loans we would have to pay off or have our credit ruined. We had decided it was best to give him a way to work for the money, rather than just loaning it to him, so we looked for more projects.

You mentioned since we had a high pitched roof above our upstairs bedrooms there was a lot of space going to waste. We didn’t need a bigger house, especially since our children were all out of the house now. You said the room you were thinking about and that you were drawing up plans for would be a sunroom. Building it would give us a view to the west toward Lookout Mountain and the sunsets. Our house had windows in every direction except west with the exception of the bedroom we’d made earlier over the garage. In order to make a sunroom, it would mean adding another floor with stairs leading up. The only place we could put stairs would be where my large walk-in closet was.

I didn’t want to give it up. As large as it was, it was packed floor to ceiling. I never threw anything away. In addition to owning clothes going back twenty years and in all sizes reflecting my weight swings, I had hundreds of books in there. We worked for hours on your plans, trying to figure out ways to use less of my closet space for the stairs. At last, we came up with a way to have steep stairs go up five steps from the balcony and turn sharply for the rest of the way which would only use half of my closet.

Don started dismantling my closet like someone possessed. In a few hours those books were stacked all over the floor of our master bedroom. The clothes and shoes which I’d collected for years were scattered everywhere. I wanted to cry, but once started, we had no choice but to continue. You got busy building shelves in the downstairs closet below the lower staircase. Slowly, we were able to create a place for all my books. I gave away many garments to Goodwill and tossed away many bags of unusable items which had somehow gotten stored in my closet. It was fortunate you'd always keep your clothes in the smaller closet in our room, so the sacrifice of space was all mine.

About the time it started to look like we might soon have a new room, Don decided to start training at another Chiropractor Clinic. He’d interviewed earlier, and Dr. Pollard was open to giving him a try. Now he had fewer hours per day for our project. The room was left with all the tools and building materials scattered about the floor for an indefinite period.

Fortunately for me, my dad’s insurance had approved another few months, during which he would have home health care workers come over and visit with him and give him baths. This took a little of the stress off of me, since it kept him occupied and clean. The service was able to provide the diapers and other things he required. Although he still complained about having the pacemaker, his overall health seemed better, and he had stopped passing out.

Carol had met a new girl who was looking for a roommate, and they had agreed to room together. It was an awkward situation, because they barely knew each other. They had in common an interest in Feng Shui and some out-of-the-mainstream healing arts. We wondered if their personalities would be compatible. Carol was a person who had strong feelings, but didn’t always share them. She was reluctant to take a dominant role, and it looked as if this girl might turn out to be temperamental and pushy. Carol was inclined to take a lot from a person before she caused a scene.

Christi was still dealing with some serious car problems, but she wasn’t altogether unhappy, because one of her massage clients was a disc jockey at a Christian radio station, and he was willing to play some of the songs she had recorded and some she had written herself.

Connie’s instructor in her Interior Design class had set up an interview for her, and had gotten permission for her to start working at a new fabric and furniture store in a nearby town. The company had never used a student intern before, but they were looking forward to it and she was excited about it as well. It meant Connie would be driving an extra 40 miles a day on days she worked there. Charlie was still holding a night job at the hospital.

As we moved into September of 1996, trouble was brewing in the Middle East again. The Gulf War had begun back in 1990 when the Iraqi military invaded Kuwait and annexed it. A US led commission of 35 countries had responded launching ground, air and sea attacks to expel the Iraqi soldiers from Kuwait in the initial 5-week campaign. Iraqi forces launched missiles into Israel drawing them into the conflict. Kuwait was liberated with a loss of around 10,000 of the Iraqi forces and only about 300 of the coalition. Despite the victory, tensions in the area continued with Saddam Hussein still in power.  The US was now launching targeted missile strikes into the area again.

In September, Hurricane Fran slammed into the North Carolina coast near Cape Fear as a strong category-three storm. It was the third named storm to hit North Carolina because Hurricane Bertha had struck in nearly the same area in July with winds almost as strong. There had been yet a smaller tropical storm along the NC coastline in June. 1996 had produced the most major Atlantic storms in 46 years with 19 tropical storms.

Talk of global warming was being sounded, and there were dire warnings that storms would continue to become more numerous and deadly in the following years. Many people refused to believe there was anything man had done which caused the problem, and any talk about change had to be related to someone's political agenda. Only in more recent years, have people started to take the climate crisis seriously.

THIS IS US:
Evan is 67 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 58 and has given up working in the printing field and is home taking care of disabled father.
Carol is 33, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at Chattanooga hospital
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby in nearly two..
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-three. She is a senior in college. 
Charlie is Connie's husband as of June 30, 1996.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 167
Fall of 1996

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

As we moved into fall, the new room was consuming a lot of time as well as money. It seemed you and I were forever out shopping for materials.  Since it was to be a sunroom, we had to buy a lot of windows. It also had to be wired and air conditioned and we needed light fixtures and a ceiling fan, as well as building studs and sheetrock.  At a certain stage, Don had to cut into our roof so as to make the room higher, and the extension meant a good portion of the roof would have to be redone.  It was an unusually wet fall with rain nearly every other day, so that delayed work on extending the roof. Later, we had to buy floor tile and paint.

 

By the middle of October, the room was finished, and we were very pleased with the results. I had an interior window-like opening so we could look down on the great room and balcony below. The view toward Lookout Mountain was spectacular. The room was white with a light-colored tile on the floor. The ceiling fan I bought was white with green trim. The wicker furniture and other furniture I bought was white with blue and green cushions. The kids decided to call it the Heaven room. We put a television in there as well as a stereo, so we could use it as our music room.

 

Since Don wouldn’t be bringing in a lot of money as a chiropractor until he built up a practice, we let him continue working on updating other rooms in our house. At one point, he spent all day renting equipment and putting a popcorn ceiling effect on the sheetrock ceiling in the room we'd built over the garage. After all that work, we learned those type ceilings were no longer in.  People whose houses had popcorn ceilings were updating and removing that finish. We decided we liked it, and we'd keep it a while.

 

You were having a lot of problems with blood pressure and an irregular heart rhythm, which kept you from sleeping well. The doctor was having trouble getting your blood pressure medicine adjusted. You were very worried about yourself, and my concern for you kept me on edge. We saw all of our children almost daily and we worried about their problems as well as our own and those of Dad.

 

Dad’s heart doctor thought he could safely have knee replacement surgery done on both knees. I wasn’t so sure because Dad would soon be 87, and I was afraid Dad wouldn’t be willing to work with the physical therapy necessary to get him walking again. His own father had had a hip replacement at 85 and never walked again. The work required was too painful.

 

I took Dad in to have his pacemaker checked, which meant turning it off to see how much his heart was preforming on its own. When the pacemaker was turned off, Dad passed out and the nurse couldn’t seem to figure out how to turn it back on right away.  She panicked and yelled for help. She had me in a state of panic as well. Several people rushed into the room, and they finally got it back on. As soon as it was working again, Dad revived. He didn’t realize he had passed out, and I shouldn’t have told him. He said if he could pass out that quickly, he didn’t think he wanted to risk the knee surgery. I was dreading it for him, so I felt he made the right decision.

 

Connie and Charlie seemed to be getting along well. As much as they had argued before they were married, I’d been afraid it wouldn’t work out well. They were both attending church every week which surprised me as Connie had always disliked going. Connie was doing well in college and was enjoying her internship at the fabric and furniture store in Georgia although it was a long commute. She was hoping they might hire her permanently after her internship was complete. She was also holding down a job as an insurance clerk in the evenings.

 

Don was still working with the chiropractor in Ringgold, but he was trying to decide whether or not to sign a two-year contract to work across the river with Dr. Pollard. He didn't want to live across the river, and it was a long way to commute. Kimberly was pushing him to do it because she wanted to quit work and stay home. She said she’d supported Don while he was in college, and it was his turn to make the living. The truth was Don had worked full time while he was in school as well. I thought she would need to continue to work until Don was able to build a practice.

 

With Kimberly urging, Don agreed to work with the doctor in the clinic across the river. The doctor, who he would be sharing a clinic with insisted that Don go door-to-door to every house in the neighborhood and tell them about the clinic and invite them to come and visit the office. To us, it sounded like he was using Don to advertise his clinic. Don would be responsible for paying him monthly rent whether he managed to get patients of his own or not. The doctor said he could have all the walk-ins, but almost no one walks into a doctor’s clinic without first making an appointment.

 

Carol and her new roommate seemed uncomfortable around each other. Carol was very particular about the way she wanted things done, but she didn’t like to confront people. The girl was putting dishes in the dishwasher covered with stuck-on food. Carol mentioned it once, but she continued to do it. Rather than bring it up again, Carol wrote a note and told her how she felt about it. I wasn’t sure if this was wise, because I felt if they weren’t comfortable enough to talk things out, this wasn’t likely to end well.

 

In October, Lauren turned two. We had been keeping her a lot of the time. She was talking constantly, but it was hard to understand what she was saying. She seemed to be jabbering away in a language all her own. Kimberly had a birthday party for her, and she informed me of what I should buy. It was a very expensive little play kitchen that cost more than I wanted to pay for a thing she would likely not use that much. Because I didn’t want problems with my daughter-in-law, I bought it in spite of the expense. Don and Kimberly were so in debt, and we were constantly trying to help them financially. You had just co-signed on a loan, and I knew we would likely be the ones to pay it off.

 

Christi was wanting to quit her receptionist job and be a full-time massage therapist. She could make a lot of money in a short time, but even with several sources of income, she was always bouncing checks and getting further and further behind financially.  She was still doing massages at our house as well as at another spot. She was singing in a place called Shirley’s Country one or two nights a week. Almost every time we talked, there was a new man in her life. The latest guy had us concerned, because he was a heavy drinker and depressed. His father had committed suicide, and he was suicidal himself.  With Christi, it was all about looks. She didn’t seem to care if the guy had money or serious emotional problems. We were relieved that most of her relationships were short lived.

 

In October, O.J. Simpson's civil trial began. This one wouldn’t come out nearly as well as the criminal trial for the former football star. This trial wouldn’t involve him going to prison. Instead, he would be faced with compensating his victims financially.

 

The other thing happening on the National stage was Bill Clinton who was seeking his second term as president. He was facing Bob Dole, the long-term senate majority leader, as his Republican challenger. The two were conducting debates. In early November, Bill would go on to win a second term. Bill had no idea what a scandal he would be facing before this term ended.

 

THIS IS US:
Evan is 67 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 58 and has given up working in the printing field and is home taking care of disabled father.
Carol is 33, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at Chattanooga hospital
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby in nearly two..
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-three. She is a senior in college and also working part time.

Charlie is Connie's husband as of June 30, 1996. He works as lab tech in Memorial Hospital.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 168
1996 Is Winding Down

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

 

In 1996, we had our first frost on the 21st of October. One day the leaves were still green and overnight we suddenly got all the fall colors. I hated to see cold weather, but I loved the transformation. Having a sunroom with a lot of windows on two sides made our view a lot nicer. We already had a second-floor deck off the master bedroom which gave us a nice view to the east. Your favorite season had always been the fall. Growing up in the country, you had been a hunter, and you had enjoyed that. I was thankful you didn’t enjoy shooting animals anymore. Dad never liked fall. He said it reminded him of death.

 

On the 29th of October this year, all the kids made a big deal about your birthday. Carol had taken you to dinner at a nice restaurant a couple of evenings earlier. I had given Dad his bath and helped him to bed earlier, so I could go. The following day, we did the same thing with Don, but he insisted on a movie as well. We went to see one with beautiful scenery called Alaska. It was a survival story as children searched for their father who was lost when his plane went down.

 

On your actual birthday, Connie made a big cake and decorated it to look like a Halloween pumpkin. She and Charlie came over, and we had pizza and later the cake and ice cream. I didn’t get so much attention on my birthday. Just kidding! We always made a big deal over everyone’s birthday.

 

The weather was really chilly on Halloween night. Don and Kimberly brought Loren over in a cute Cinderella costume, and they took her around to some houses to trick-or-treat. Since kids had to climb a steep incline to get to our house, we only had nine or ten trick or treaters show up. Christi came over dressed like a witch to give out candy. Becaues so few showed up, there was a lot of leftover candy.  

 

With all the sweets around and the celebrating going on, you and Dad both came down with a bad cold. It was bad timing because your sister, Maxine, called and said her son, Gary, was coming up and would bring her and Helen for a visit on the 2nd of November. I knocked myself out getting the house spotless and buying groceries for meals, so I wasn’t feeling so good either.

 

Gary had brought Maxine and his wife, Cindy, up to visit us two years before. He wanted her to see the Christmas lights at Rock City while she could still enjoy them. That visit wasn’t long after she was diagnosed with brain cancer. Her mother and other relatives still lived in this area and Gary wanted to visit them. Gary was still broken-hearted over Cindy’s death. We avoided talking about it.

 

All three of your family claimed to be blown away by our new sunroom. Gary even brought Cindy’s relatives over to see it because he thought it was so neat. We had company for three days and you took them over to the Ocoee river to show them where the white-water rapids for the Olympics were held. Maxine and Helen did some Christmas shopping while they were here. 

 

Carol was involved in a bad wreck on her way to her work at the hospital.  A car came from a side street without seeing her. She swerved off the road to avoid being hit and plowed into a telephone pole. The man who hit her pulled over and called the cops. He told them it was all his fault. Carol's airbag exploded in her face, and she was pinned in so tight she couldn’t unbuckle the seat belt.

 

She was sort of in a daze until the police arrived and helped get her out. It turned out the man who hit her worked at the same hospital she did. As soon as she realized she wasn’t badly injured and just bruised, he took her on to work. The car had to be towed to the shop, and his insurance took care of the repairs and got her a rental car. You had to pick her up from work and go with her to pick up the car.

 

It took a long while to get her car repaired, but as soon as she got it back, she went to Georgia to visit Glen’s relatives. Glen was remarried, but they’d managed to stay friends. They seemed to be getting along better than when the two of them were married. Glen’s wife was trying to get pregnant, but she wasn’t having much luck. Glen never really wanted children during the eight years when he and Carol were married.

 

Connie told us she was having problems when she stood up suddenly. She felt like she was about to pass out. Of course, that had us concerned. Charlie was sure it had something to do with the weird heart rhythm pattern the doctors found before she went to work at summer camp and met him. He bought her an alert bracelet to wear, so someone could be notified if she did pass out.

 

She visited her heart doctor, and he did an electrocardiogram and a stress test. She seemed to be okay at the moment, but he did tell her there was a possibility she might have to have a pacemaker at some point. Charlie worked in the hospital lab, and he saw her blood work. He said it showed she was low in iron.

 

Christi and a male friend she often sang with got a gig to entertain for an evening, and they would be paid $100 each. Carol and her friend Roy went to see them sing. Carol said they did a great job, but she wished Christi wouldn’t talk before she sang. To her, it sounded like she was apologizing for being alive. Christi wasn’t confident enough, and she did tend to do that without realizing how it sounded. She might say they didn’t have long to practice, or something similar, to indicate she normally sounded better.

 

One of the girls Connie worked with in the evenings at Provident Life Insurance brought a kitten to work and gave it to her. Connie fell in love with it, but she and Charlie were in an apartment with a no-pet policy. They were hiding the kitten, knowing if anyone found out, they would likely be evicted.

 

In November, we went to the polls to vote, with very little enthusiasm. You and I weren’t impressed with either Clinton or Dole. More as a protest than anything else, we voted for Ross Perot again. Of course, he didn’t have a chance. Carol voted for Clinton because she didn’t want to waste her vote by voting for Perot. Charlie liked Clinton, because he was for cleaning up the environment. He and Connie voted for him. Because the economy was good, Clinton easily won a second term.

 

In the world news on November 12, a Saudi Arabian flight ran into another plane, causing both planes to go down over India killing 349 people.  It was one of the worst air disasters of all time.

 

The holidays would be coming up soon. This was always the busiest time of the year for me. You enjoyed Thanksgiving and Christmas more than I did. I got tired just thinking about all the work involved. Thankfully, you were willing to help and did everything I asked you to do. I could have never managed the holidays without you. 

 

THIS IS US:
Evan is 68 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 59 and has given up working in the printing field and is home taking care of disabled father.
Carol is 33, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College.
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at a Chattanooga hospital.
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby, age two.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-three. She is a senior in college and also working part time.

Charlie is Connie's husband as of June 30, 1996. He works as a lab tech in Memorial Hospital.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 169
The Beginning of Another Year

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

After a year and a half of being Dad's caregiver, I had adjusted to the routine of dealing with his needs and whatever else affected our daily lives. I was still spending time on the computer and writing when I had a few minutes to spare. I found reasons to get out of the house when I could, without causing Dad undue stress. I knew he hated me going out, but he tried not to show it. I kept him supplied with reading material, and he was still getting some visits from the home health care service. I didn’t want anything to happen to Dad, but there were times I wondered if this would be my life from now on.

November started off cold, but then it warmed up and we had rain almost every day. Farm Bureau Insurance called and said they were canceling the insurance on Dad’s house in Mississippi, because they had gone out to visit and found no one was living there. Being so far away, we weren’t able to go back often to check on the place. Earlier a person had wanted to rent it, but Dad said he wasn't interested. We knew he would rather be living there, but he couldn’t because he needed full time care, and we weren’t in a position to move back to Mississippi.

Dad needed dental work done in November. He had a top plate that didn’t fit right and only two teeth left on the bottom. I took him to a dental clinic which had the best prices in town. It was the clinic I used when I had a dental problem. They x-rayed and said the top plate needed to be realigned, and they wanted to take out one of the lower teeth.

Dad was upset, because he had always been prejudiced. Earlier he’d had to accept a black lady doctor for primary care. He dealt with going to her, but now he was assigned a black lady dentist. He didn’t believe she could possibly know what she was doing. I’m not sure if it was her race or because she was female, which upset him more. Dad was very conservative with money, and the price of doing the work didn’t go over well either. He didn’t understand why they wouldn’t extract both teeth. He was told he needed at least one tooth to stabilize his lower partial. 

We did make a two-day trip back to Mississippi in early November to check on things. The trip was hard on Dad, and he claimed he was unable to sleep while there. The last time we’d been there was in June, when he ended up in the hospital getting a pacemaker. We went by our rental house and acreage in the country while we were there. We also visited Ed’s sister, Helen, and my mother’s sister, Aunt Chris. She was in her 90s and in a nursing home. She had been suffering from dementia, but we caught her on a good day. Dad stayed in the car while we visited, but she was able to walk out to the car and speak to him. The trip home was long and stressful.

Connie’s internship with the fabric and furnishing company ended, and they hired her to work for them. Connie was selling a lot of fabric and she sold some furniture as well. They offered to send her to Atlanta for a few weeks of training, so they could call her their professional designer and could raise her salary. Since she was still in school, she wasn’t able to do that, but she did get a bonus because the customers liked her and she was able to sell a lot. Most of the part-time jobs she’d had up to this point involved sales. She had the right personality for being a good salesperson.

Both Connie and Charlie’s cars were old and giving them problems. They were looking to buy a better car. I thought they would be getting a low-mileage used model, but they ended up buying a brand-new car. We didn’t think it was wise, but it was done, so we stayed out of it.

Don was needing more money badly. The $10,000 loan we’d cosigned on was not nearly enough. He said he had to have $8,000 more right away. He’d visited 100 or more houses in the neighborhood of the clinic. He was having some bad experiences going door to door. Some of the people seemed afraid of him and thought it was suspicious that a chiropractor was coming to their door hoping to get patients.

Dr. Pollard was having him adjust some of his patients, but Don wasn’t being paid anything, because the doctor called it training. The room he’d be renting to see his own patients wouldn’t be ready for another month. Don was buying adjustment tables and other office furniture, and we were having to make his loan payments to avoid late fees. Kimberly said she could cash in her 401K in March and pay us back, if we would loan them more.

Carol was still seeing Roy. He was constantly on her mind, and she longed for more than friendship, but it was apparent he wasn’t interested in more. Randy, another friend who’d moved recently from Florida, was interested in Kim, Carol’s roommate, but Kim only wanted to be his friend. Carol realized she needed to end it with Roy so she could get her mind off of him. She felt sorry for Randy, having recently moved from Florida, with no plans for Thanksgiving, and invited him to join us. We had to change our celebration from Thursday to Friday to work around people who had jobs that required work on holidays. Connie and Charlie went to Mississippi to eat with Charlie’s family.

We had our usual feast with tons of leftovers to keep us in food for almost a week and now that it was over, it was on to preparations for Christmas. I had set a high precedent over the years with multiple gifts and stockings for everyone, and I felt compelled not to let my family down. Shopping was time consuming and I had to rely on ordering gifts. Connie came over and helped me with my large artificial Christmas tree and other decorations.

Dad’s 87th birthday was the 15th of December. Connie made him a cake and he got a sweater and other clothes from me. He’d outlived his dad by two years, and his mom had only lived to be 74. He seemed rather proud of being 87. We heard him on the intercom telling his cat all about it. I’m sure the cat was duly impressed.

In New Orleans, also on the 15th, a 700-foot freighter, moving down the Mississippi River, went out of control, lost power and plowed into the downtown riverfront, injuring 140 people. The pilot sounded a warning 3 minutes before it sliced bow-first into the part of the 180,000 square-foot, metal and glass mall that extends over the river. It barely missed a casino gambling ship and two cruise liners.

On the 17th, Don and Christi had a birthday. Don wanted an expensive activator for chiropractic treatments, so we agreed to combine his birthday gift with Christmas. Christi complained about her gifts. She wasn’t in the best of moods because her car was broken down, and we were having to loan her our van to get to her job. She needed another car, but she wasn’t in a position to afford one.

In less than two weeks, Christmas would be history, and we would be into a brand-new year. We could only wonder what new turns might lie in store for the Shelby family. It is good one can’t see into the future. 

THIS IS US:
Evan is 68 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 59 and has given up working in the printing field and is home taking care of her disabled father.
Carol is 33, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 33, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College.
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at a Chattanooga hospital.
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby, age two.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-three. She is a senior in college and also working part time.

Charlie is Connie's husband as of June 30, 1996. He works as a lab tech in Memorial Hospital.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 170
A New Year and New Challenges

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Christmas of 1996, turned out well after a frantic push to get everything done in time. After everyone stuffed themselves on lunch, we opened all the gifts and our house became a disaster of boxes and wrapping paper. We were exhausted and vegged out in front of a roaring fire. Food was still out waiting for people to have another go at it before going home. Gary, Maxine’s son, called and said he’d celebrated Christmas with his deceased wife's family, and he wanted to bring two of Cindy's nieces over to show them our sun-room. It was pointless to try to get the house back in order for more company. He and the girls visited for awhile with us before leaving.

I was thrilled to get a camcorder for Christmas and was busy taking videos of the family. You got the chainsaw you’d been wanting. Everyone seemed pleased with their gifts. We did learn a bit of interesting news from Kimberly and Don. Kimberly was pregnant again. I’ve never been one of those mothers who screams and goes nuts when another grandchild is on the way. It was good that Lauren would have a sibling not quite three years younger, but we were concerned for them financially, since Don hadn’t as yet gotten a successful chiropractic practice off the ground.

The day after Christmas, we woke up to the shocking news that a Colorado child beauty queen, Jon Benet Ramsey, had been murdered. This tragedy would dominate the news for weeks, and even after all these years, the actual killer has never come to justice. For a long time, the parents themselves were under investigation. I’m sure there are those, even today, who still doubt the parents' innocence. It was hard for us to imagine anything so horrible.

Connie and Charlie were finding out things about each other they didn’t seem to realize before getting married. Connie insisted Charlie take her to see the Nutcracker, but he hated the idea. He wanted her to go back-packing with him and claimed he’d thought she would have enjoyed it as much as he did. She said it wasn’t her idea of fun and she wasn’t going. You and I had realized we’d both had interests and hobbies the other didn’t share. People need to learn to work around those differences. We wondered if the two of them were mature enough to do that.

Right after Christmas, both you and Dad had a bad case of bronchitis. Dad was spitting up blood and had to see a doctor. The doctor x-rayed and said he didn’t see anything unusual other than Dad’s heart was enlarged. He prescribed something which helped, but Dad was convinced he wouldn’t be alive much longer. I think he based it on the idea he’d already lived longer than his parents, and he had the weird notion that people didn’t live over two years with a pacemaker.

We were concerned about Carol. She had always been excessively spiritual minded and never failed to attend church regularly. Now that the rest of us were all attending church every week, she was backing off. She hadn’t been as interested in church since she’d gone to The Bridge for help getting past her marriage break-up and what she believed were her co-dependency problems.

Now she told us the church members were too judgmental. She said the services were the same week after week. The sermons were about getting ready for Christ’s return, but they weren’t offering any help with the personal problems everyone was dealing with. We didn’t know how she expected them to deal with everyone’s complicated personal problems from the pulpit.

I’d been doing handwriting analysis for a lot of years, and our kids were always bringing me samples to analyze. Carol had me do her roommate’s writing, and she showed Kim what I’d found. Kim was blown away by how accurate it was without me ever having met her. The one thing I remember about the analysis was that Kim’s personality was not compatible with Carol’s. I also remembered it has been a long time since I have analyzed anyone's writing. I gave up that hobby years ago. It was time consuming, because I kept having to refer to books I had on the subject. I wanted to make sure I didn't get the traits wrong.

The new year started out extremely warm. It was 73 degrees on January 1st. The entire first week remained unseasonably warm. Then we had a bad storm, and a couple of days later, the cold came in with a vengeance. Our kids had spent an excessive amount of money, and the New Year saw them taking gifts back to exchange for money. Connie and Charlie went to Mississippi to have a delayed Christmas with his family, and Carol went to the beach in Florida with a friend. Tammy had gone to high school with Christi, but it seemed she and Carol had more in common. You were busy trimming many trees with your new chainsaw. After having trimmed most of them, the switch went bad, and you had to return it for another one. Since you’d only had it a couple of weeks, it was still under warranty.  

Dad continued to have problems, and it turned out his lab work showed he had pneumonia. The pills the doctor prescribed had almost cleared the pneumonia, but had left him with serious diarrhea. One morning, I came to check on Dad, and he was in a terrible mess, the bed was soaked. He said he’d been calling me all night, and I’d failed to hear him. He claimed he’d broken his arm during the night trying to get it under the cover, and he couldn’t use it to help him stand up to pee. His arm wasn’t swollen, but it hurt so much he was calling me for help all day. I wanted to take him to have it x-rayed, but it was 5 degrees outside and he refused to go out. I put ice on it to try to keep it from swelling and help him with the pain.

Christi was still using our van and insisting we loan her the money to buy a used car. She got a $500 bonus at work, but when we told her she needed to put that money toward a car, she had a hissy fit. She wanted to use the money to get some spider veins in her legs, which no one could see but her, operated on.

Connie called us upset because Charlie backed out of their drive without looking, and someone, driving fast, plowed into their new car. It was his fault, and although the insurance covered all but the deductible, it would mean the premium would go up. The car would be in the shop for a weeks, so they had to get a rental car.

You’d promised Connie on her birthday back in June you'd pay for her to get a college class ring, and you told her to go ahead and order whatever she wanted. I thought she took advantage of us, because no one wears class rings for long. She could have gotten one for around $300, but the one she picked was over $400. It seemed our children believed we were made of money.

THIS IS US:
Evan is 68 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 59 and has given up working in the printing field and is home taking care of her disabled father.
Carol is 33, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
Don is a twin. He is 33, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College.
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at a Chattanooga hospital.
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby, age two.
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-three. She is a senior in college and also working part time.

Charlie is Connie's husband as of June 30, 1996. He works as a lab tech in Memorial Hospital.

Gary is Evan's nephew and his sister, Maxine's, son, who has recently lost his wife to brain cancer.

 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 171
Another Year Much Like the Last

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

 

Carol started the new year with a desire to get her name changed back to Shelby. When she and Glen got the divorce, she could have done it then with no problem, but she kept hoping they might get back together. Now that he was married and his wife was trying to get pregnant, she’d given up on that idea and decided she needed her maiden name back. She found out if she went through a lawyer, it would be expensive, but there were forms she could pick up and do it herself. She decided to go that route.

 

Christi found someone at work that had an `84 Mazda RX-7 which she thought was a cute car, so she ended up buying it with some help from you. It was a pretty shade of blue, and the body looked good. It was older than the car she had before which left her stranded, so we were concerned she should have it checked out. The person who sold it to her told her to be sure and watch the oil gauge. Of course, she didn’t bother as long as it ran. She drove around for days with the oil totally depleted. She nearly had a nervous breakdown, when she learned, she’d burned up the motor. You started calling around trying to find out how much it would cost to have the motor rebuilt. Christi didn't have the money, but she had to have a car. She was embarrassed to have to drive our old van.

 

Don was beginning to get a few loyal clients at the Pollard Clinic, but he got nothing for adjusting Dr. Pollard’s patients. We thought he should have, at least, taken something off the monthly rent which he was having to pay. You and I were getting adjustments from Don which really helped our back and legs. Our insurance paid for the adjustments. However they had to be billed to the Pollard Clinic because Don was afraid if they were billed to Dr. Shelby the insurance might not pay because we had the same last name. Don was still struggling financially, and Kimberly was only working part time. I was keeping Lauren while she worked.

 

We had wide variations of temperature in January. Several days it was around 70°F for the high. Then it turned extremely cold, and we got snow. Charlie went camping on some mountain with a friend in 8°F temperatures, but he returned vowing he would never do it again. A few days later, the temps felt like spring.

 

We’d thought Connie had enough hours in her major to graduate. It turned out she still lacked a few. At least, she was being paid for work at the store where she did her internship. She had a fairly long commute to Dalton, Georgia on I-75. She was still driving the rental car because the new one was being repaired from when Charlie wrecked it.

 

Charlie was having some second thoughts about what he might want to do with his life. Instead of the medical field, he was thinking of becoming a forest ranger. Kids these days waste a lot of time and money in collage because they keep changing their minds about what they want to do. I finished in 3 ½ years without going into debt, but all of our kids have taken their time and gone deeply in debt, with the exception of Carol. She even changed her major.

 

Remember that huge pine tree, we had in the back yard? It was right in the middle of your garden, and it had died. You decided to have it taken down before you broke up the ground for the garden in the spring. Now that Dad had given you his tiller, you were excited about using it. The price for taking it down was a little more than $200. They ground the stump and made wood chips which we used to mulch around the house. With the tree gone, you had room for a much larger garden.

 

I got a phone call from my cousin, Joy, in Florida. The last time I’d talked to her was two years before, and she had told me she and her new husband, who was many years older and very wealthy, were building a new house in an exclusive neighborhood in Ponte Vedra near Jacksonville. Joy had divorced her first husband, who was a lawyer, because he was having numerous affairs. She had met her new husband, Del, at the country club and had only known him a few months when he persuaded her to marry him. His wife had only been dead a couple of months.

 

She had also told me about her youngest daughter, who had damaged her liver by drinking and was in a nursing home. This time, the daughter was better and out of the nursing home. Her husband had told her he wouldn’t have her daughter living there, but she told him if Laura couldn’t live with her then she would have to leave, because her daughter needed her. He finally agreed.

 

Joy told me she regretted marrying Del. He was extremely stingy and told her not to buy clothes or anything with his money. He gave her a small amount for groceries. She had gone back to work, so she’d have money to travel. She said she would be taking two trips a year to Europe using her own money. She was planning an eighteen-day trip to Italy in October, and she begged me to go with her. It cost over $3,000. I wished I could go, because I’d always hoped to go to Europe. However, I couldn’t leave Dad. I knew you wouldn’t like me leaving either.

 

I also got a call from a friend from New Orleans who had moved to Chattanooga. Harriet invited us to lunch. You weren’t eager to go because you didn’t really care for Dr. Butler. His wife was the church secretary and a friend of mine. You’d been on the school board with the doctor, and he was very opinionated. Still, we went and had a nice time. They were both retired and John was very friendly and talkative. You decided you liked him better than you thought you did. We couldn’t stay long past lunch because I needed to get back to Dad.  

 

You and I weren’t really sports fans. You played enough football in high school to sustain a shoulder injury, but as far as watching the pros play, we seldom did. You did watch the end of the Superbowl as the Green Bay Packers beat the New England Patriots.

 

In England, Princess Diana upset the ministers of the UK and the Conservative party by calling for an international ban on land mines. John Major's government was in charge, and it seemed Diana was endorsing the Labor party. She was called a “loose cannon” by her uncompromising stance. She made that one of the major causes which she felt strongly about. During the Korean War when you served in the combat engineers it was one of your jobs to probe for and diffuse those hidden mines which caused so much loss of life and limb.

 

Dad continued to have a lot of various problems. Some days were better than others, but his appetite was still good. Even though he said he didn't think he'd live much longer, I figured he would be with us a few more years.

 

• THIS IS US:
  Evan is 68 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
  Beth is 59 and has given up working in the printing field and is home taking care of her disabled father.
  Carol is 33, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
  Don is a twin. He is 33, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College.
  Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
  Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at a Chattanooga hospital.
  Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby, age two.
  Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-three. She is a senior in college and also working part time.
  Charlie is Connie's husband as of June 30, 1996. He works as a lab tech in Memorial Hospital.
• Joy is a cousin that was a close friend as a teenager. She is back in my life from time to time.
• John and Harriet Butler are friends from New Orleans who have moved to Chattanooga.

 

 

 

 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 172
A Time of Sadness

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Although it seemed our lives would just be more of the same for the near future without a lot of change, when we turned to the television for news, it was apparent something new was always happening. Let me remind you of a couple of things going on in the world outside our immediate family.

In January of 1997, Bill Clinton began his second term of his presidency with a 62% approval rating. His affair with Monica Lewinsky had been going on for a while, but the public wouldn’t learn about it for another year. That will be the story for another time.

Something surprising and tragic happened in March that had us all in shock. The Heaven’s Gate cult which had its beginning in 1970 under the leadership of Marshall Applegate, a fired music professor at a university in Texas and Bonnie Nettles, a nurse he met at a Texas Hospital. In late March, he and 38 of his followers were found dead from suicide in their bunks at their commune in San Diego, California.

Applegate’s cult had once attracted at least 200 members. Applegate and Nettles claimed to be devout Christians and insisted their members give up drugs, alcohol, sex and all vices. The pair believed themselves to be the two witnesses spoken of in Revelation who would be sent to lead people to a higher level. They convinced themselves they had arrived on a spaceship as aliens from another planet and had their memory erased so they were able to live for a while as normal humans. 

The group considered themselves to be "the evolutionary level above humans". They used the term TELAH to describe their cult. Their followers they attracted supported the commune by designing web sites. Nettles transitioned unexpectedly through the death of her human body. Applegate believed they had reached the time line in which their spaceship would return, but in order to be taken up to join it, they would need to first leave the empty shell of their bodies behind. The indoctrination was a combination of Christianity, conspiracy theories, science fiction, and mysticism. It isn’t so different from some of the things you find on the internet today.

The news of this tragedy was still on our minds when Dad awakened us one early April morning having a high fever and apparently in a lot of pain. I managed to get him cleaned up and dressed. We took him to the nearest emergency room where they treated him for a bladder infection and sent him home.

By afternoon, he seemed much worse, and this time he was too weak for us to handle him. We called for an ambulance, and they transported him to Memorial which I felt was a better hospital. It turned out what he had was much worse. The infection had gone septic and was affecting his entire body. He was also suffering from pneumonia.

They admitted him, I stayed with him until late that night. I regretted not spending the night, but I was totally exhausted, and I felt he would be watched throughout the night. When I returned the following morning, he had suffered a mild stoke during the night affecting his throat and one arm. The doctor indicated he wouldn't live much longer. I was upset with him for saying this with Dad listening. Now, Dad wasn’t allowed to have any liquid because they believed he would aspirate. As soon as the pneumonia cleared, the hospital wanted him released to a nursing home.

This wasn’t what I wanted for him, but knowing I couldn’t lift him, I made arrangements with the home across the street from the hospital. I told him as soon as he was better, I would bring him home. He was put in a double room which was something Dad hated. He was there less than a week. I went each day to visit him. One day, I fed him the soft food he was being given. I hadn’t been home long, when we got a call saying he’d thrown up and aspirated. They were sending him back to the hospital emergency.

This is painful to write because the next few hours were a nightmare. The emergency workers decided he was dying, and they did nothing to help. He was left on the hard emergency bed with no one there but me for hours while he struggled to breathe, unable to control his bowels. The pacemaker kept him alive and conscious. You were there, but I was alone in the room telling him I loved him and he kept whispering that he loved me too. I was begging for someone to do something, and at midnight, they decided to return him to the nursing home.

The staff at the nursing home were furious at him being returned in such bad condition. Once he was back in the room with another patient, I tried to sleep in a chair in the lobby. Christi, who always ran behind, showed up just after Dad was brought back to his room. She and a nurse were in the room with him as he passed away. She let out a scream that alarmed everyone in that wing of the home. You and I rushed down the hall to see her being carried out by four nurses in a semi-collapsed state. They brought her to the dining hall where all of us tried to calm her. I had no chance to grieve the loss of my dad.

I made arrangements for him to be transported back to Mississippi to be buried next to Mom, and you and I went home. We had barely gotten home when we got a call saying they couldn’t transport his body until someone brought them his teeth. Since Dad seldom wore them, I had forgotten they would need them. You took pity on me and told me to try to rest, you would make the long trip back to the hospital with his teeth.

My dad was eighty-seven when he died. The funeral took place two days later. Dad spent many years running a grocery store, so there were still a lot of acquaintances in Newton who came to pay their respects. I was grateful that Mom and Dad had prearranged everything. All of the family came down, and we stayed at Dad’s house.

We realized this would mean some changes would be taking place in our lives, but in that moment, I needed time to regroup. I was so thankful for your understanding and willingness to be there for whatever I needed. I couldn’t have gotten through those days without you.

• THIS IS US:
  Evan is 68 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
  Beth is 59 and has given up working in the printing field and is home taking care of her disabled father.
  Carol is 33, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
  Don is a twin. He is 33, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College.
  Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
  Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at a Chattanooga hospital.
  Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby, age two.
  Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-three. She is a senior in college and also working part time.
  Charlie is Connie's husband as of June 30, 1996. He works as a lab tech in Memorial Hospital.

 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents. .

Chapter 173
A Shift in a New Direction

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

During the years when Dad lived with us, I hadn’t suggested doing anything about his house. To his way of thinking, it was still home. I wanted it to remain his until he decided to do something about it. Dad’s will left everything to me. Being his only child, the house, land, and everything else he owned was now mine. We'd been fortunate no one had broken in or caused damage, since the insurance company had canceled the insurance due to no one living there. The kids took a few things to remember their grandparents by. You let me know you’d support anything I decided, but any decision concerning the property would be up to me. I wasn’t anxious to rush into anything.

My cousin, Joy, who had been so much a part of my life off and on over the years, was telling me I needed to get away for a while. She urged me to reconsider going to Italy with her. Although we'd gotten back in touch and talked by phone, we had not actually seen each other since we were both in our early twenties. The trip was scheduled for early October. The more I thought about it, the better the idea sounded. I’d not really been anywhere in many years other than trips to Mississippi and back.

You told me if I wanted to do the Italy trip with Joy, I should go for it. I had some misgivings because I was nervous about flying so far from home, and I’d never been away from you for three whole weeks. Joy mailed me the information from the Grand EuropeanTour Company, and I decided maybe I'd earned the right for a bit of adventure. I mailed in the reservation and pre-payment with some guilt about leaving you behind. My dream of someday going to Europe looked as if it might come true.

Connie and Charlie had been living in an apartment across town from us. They were breaking the rule by having a kitten, which they were trying to hide because the apartment owner didn’t allow pets. During a routine pest control treatment, the kitten was discovered. They were given notice to either get rid of the cat or vacate the apartment. The man who owned the apartment where Carol lived had a basement apartment available below his living quarters, so Connie and Charlie grabbed it. They were now living next door to Carol. The apartment had two bedrooms, a great room, small kitchen combination and a bath.

Connie finally graduated from college in May with a BS in Interior Design. Charlie’s parents came for the graduation. The graduation class was large so the program took several hours. Afterward, we all went out to eat at a popular Japanese restaurant. Charlie continued to work in the lab at Memorial Hospital, and Connie begin working full time at the fabric and furnishing store in Dalton, Georgia where she had done her apprenticeship. The round trip to Dalton each day took a little over an hour of her time.

You and I both liked Charlie. He worked nights, and he seemed to enjoy talking about religion with you. He and I played on the computer when he wasn’t sleeping during the day. He even liked to write, and he shared his poems and stories with me. He and Connie argued a lot, but I think arguing or debating was a form of recreation for Charlie. He seemed to enjoy it. I'm not so sure Connie did, but she was trying to adjust. Once they moved, they began attending a small church in nearby Ringgold, Georgia. They even talked of buying a house in Ringgold.

Carol was still agonizing over Roy, the guy she’d fallen for, but he was giving her mixed signals. He didn’t seem to know what he wanted. At times, she felt he was using her, and it didn’t seem their relationship would be more than friendship. She still had Kim for a roommate. Her friend Randy thought he was in love with Kim. It seemed Kim wasn’t interested in Randy, and Roy had started seeing another girl, so Carol and Randy spent time commiserating over their disappointing relationships. Love seemed to be extremely complicated for our children. I can’t remember our dating time being so traumatic. We just got married and got on with life.

You’d been wanting to buy a new car for a while, and Charlie had gotten you interested in a Subaru. We’d hesitated about getting one while Dad lived with us because the seats were higher, and it would be harder for Dad to get in. Now you decided to go ahead and buy a new white and silver Subaru Outback. We both loved it.

Carol had decided Christi seemed to have so many relationship problems that she might benefit from a program she had gone to herself earlier in Kentucky. Carol had gone there to combat her depression and co-dependency shortly after her divorce. This place dealt with all types of addiction problems. Carol wanted to use some of the money she earned as a nurse having to work on the Sabbath to help others, and so she convinced Christi to spend two weeks at The Bridge. She drove her to Bowling Green and and promised  to pick her up later.

In August, Kimberly who was pregnant for the second time, gave birth to another little girl. She named our second grandchild, Summer Elizabeth Jane. The names following Summer, which she would be called, were from her two grandmothers. Like Don and Kimberly did with Lauren, they once again used a midwife for the delivery. Kimberly wanted all her family and friends there for the birth. This was different from my own choice. I didn’t want anyone seeing me in such an awkward position other than the doctor, and you weren't allowed to stay for the actual delivery. I pretty sure you were okay with being sent to the waiting room.

This was the first live birth I'd ever witnessed. When I delivered our children, I didn't get to see the actual birth. You and I were there with the rest of the crowd for this birth, but you chose not to watch. I almost freaked out when Summer came out, because she wasn't moving or crying. Her skin was dark red. The midwife had to work with her a while before she started to look alive. Kimberly was a trouper. She walked around until the baby was crowning. She never let out a whimper. I didn't scream either when I gave birth, but I'm sure I did some groaning. I think this is as close to the most painful thing a human can endure without anesthetics. Kimbery made most of us women look like wimps.

While our lives had taken a new turn, the world outside had continued along its steady pace. In Great Britain, Tony Blair was elected Prime Minister. Here in America, Ellen DeGeneres had shocked her fans by announcing she was gay. This was a time when such an announcement was still newsworthy. I’m sure it would hardly raise eyebrows today. Donald Trump and his second wife, Marla Maples were getting a divorce. In less than a month, news more shocking than any of this would come from across the pond, but I’ll leave the memory of this for another day.

• THIS IS US:
  Evan is 68 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
  Beth is 59 and has given up working in the printing field and is home taking care of her disabled father.
  Carol is 33, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
  Don is a twin. He is 33, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College.
  Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
  Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at a Chattanooga hospital.
  Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby, age two.
  Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-three. She has graduated from college and is working as interior design.
  Charlie is Connie's husband as of June 30, 1996. He works as a lab tech in Memorial Hospital.
•  Kim is Carol's roommate. Randy and Roy are her friends. Joy is my cousin and friend who lives in Florida.

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.

Chapter 174
Adventure Awaits

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Let me remind you of what happened on that Saturday night in late August of 1997. We had the television on as we often did in the evening, when the program was interrupted to tell of the death of Princess Diana. She was young and popular causing most of the world to react with shock on learning she died in an automobile wreck inside a tunnel in Paris, France. The driver of the car, carrying Dodi Fayed and the princess, was attempting to flee from the paparazzi.

Diana’s popularity had remained high although she and Prince Charles were divorced. Since her sons were so young it seemed all the more tragic. The incident would dominate the news for weeks. Of course, there were conspiracies that had to be investigated. It was one of those tragedies, where everyone seems to remember where they were when they heard the news.

I remember on the following day; Kimberly’s friends had planned a baby shower for her. She had informed me that my gift to her should be a certain highchair she had her heart set on. It seemed a bit premature to me because Summer was just a few days old. The chair used for Lauren was one which had belonged to Connie, and it was considered too outdated for the new baby.

Christi’s landlady told her she had to find another place to live, because she said she could detect the odor of the cat’s litter box rising from her basement apartment where she lived. One of Christi’s massage clients had an empty rental across town. She could have it at a reduced rate as long as he got regular massages. It was a nicer apartment with two bedrooms and a large main room with cabinets dividing the kitchen. You and I weren’t happy to learn she’d met a man at the fitness center where she had done some massages, and he would be moving in as well to share the rent. Scott would soon become a familiar name around any family gatherings we might have.

By the October date for the planned European bus tour Joy had arranged, I had my passport and airline ticket. I’d managed to pack everything I planned to take to Europe in a small suitcase that could be stored in the overhead compartment on the plane. Joy had already made several trips to Europe, mainly to find reasons to be away from her latest husband, who was nineteen years her senior, and she insisted I should pack light.

“It will be so much easier to get around that way, and we won't need to wait in a long baggage line. Wear one outfit over another if you don’t have enough room. Plan to mix and match. Bring your jacket on the plane. Don’t bring a purse. Wear a money belt and pin money and your passport under your clothes. One pair of shoes is enough.” She sounded like an expert, so I did as instructed.

Our flight left from the Atlanta airport, which was said to be the busiest airport in the world. It was intimidating for someone who’d only flown a few times. The flight had a short layover in Philadelphia, where I would meet Joy who was flying from Jacksonville. To say I was nervous was a massive understatement. You and I gave ourselves four hours to drive slightly over a hundred miles to the airport and get me on the plane. With the unpredictable Atlanta traffic, we needed it all.

You were able to stay with me until I boarded. You assured me you’d be fine and would stay busy with your garden. Still, I’d called all of the children and insisted they check on you daily. During the hour and a half flight to Philadelphia, I fretted about whether Joy and I would recognize each other after so many years. I thought of all which could go wrong. What would I do if she wasn’t there at all? My fears were in vain, because she was watching and rushed to greet me. The years had made a difference in our looks, but it didn’t take long for our minds to accept the difference. Once we were together, I started to relax.

Joy had an aisle seat beside me. She knew another young couple on this flight. It was someone she worked with at the nursing home where she was the activity director. She had persuaded them to come along as well. The flight to Rome in the Boeing 747 took about 8 1/2 hours. It seemed the stewardesses were constantly traveling the aisles with trays. Not long after our evening meal was served, the plane flew into darkness. Joy and I tried to sleep, but I was much too excited. The hours of darkness didn’t seem to last long before we were in daylight once again.

I don’t remember what time we arrived at the Rome airport, but by the time we got through customs, there was still a lot of daylight left. Someone was there holding up signs for travelers planning to go on the Grand European tour. We were loaded onto a bus and taken into the city. The airport was a good distance from the part of the city where we would be for the next two nights.

Once we got to the city, I was amazed at how old so many of the buildings seemed to be. The city seemed crowded with light-colored concrete and marble buildings. Many had a domed roof and there was a lot of red tiles on the roof tops. There were statues and fountains everywhere. When we reached our five-star hotel, we all met in the lobby where they did a roll call and assigned us a room. We were given an itinerary and told to meet back in a certain area for a get acquainted party.

Our room contained a king-sized bed which we would share. Later most of our rooms would have two queen-sized beds. We were both exhausted so we rested on the bed for a while until it was time to meet with the rest of the group.

There were around thirty people on the tour and our tour guide was an English lady. We met as instructed and had a chance to tell our names and a bit about ourselves and whether or not we had traveled with Grand European before. Glasses of wine and other soft drinks were passed around as well as nuts and cheese trays.

Later, we got back on the bus and were given a short tour of the city. Our tour guide pointed out places of interest as we passed them and told us we’d be taking a longer tour the following day. The bus stopped at the Trevi Fountain, where it was suggested we toss a coin into the water to assure we’d someday return. The water source for the fountain dates back to 19 BC but the 85 ft high fountain was completed in 1762. It was featured in films like Roman Holiday, Three coins in a Fountain and La Dolce Vita. There is about $3,000 tossed into the fountain each day which is used for charity.

Afterward we were taken to an excellent restaurant and served on two long tables. We were given a choice of several Italian specialty pasta meals. The wine flowed like water. There was no additional charge and many of our group took advantage of the opportunity to indulge in many glasses.

We’d been so long without sleep at this point, we were suffering jet lag, but Joy and I still had a lot of catching up to do with our lives. It would be a while yet before we slept.

• THIS IS US:
  Evan is 68 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
  Beth is 59 and has given up working in the printing field. She gave up work to care for her father, who recently died.
  Carol is 33, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
  Don is a twin. He is 33, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College.
  Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
  Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at a Chattanooga hospital.
  Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby, age two.
  Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-three. She has graduated from college and is working as interior design.
  Charlie is Connie's husband as of June 30, 1996. He works as a lab tech in Memorial Hospital.
• Joy is a cousin from Florida. She and I once spent a lot time together, but we only recently reconnected by phone. We haven't seen each other since our early 20s.

 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents

Chapter 175
Final Day in Rome

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

As thrilling as it was for me to be in a place which I’d almost given up hope of ever seeing, the fact you weren’t with me made me a little sad. I wondered how I’d make it through three weeks without you. I reasoned that since you’d seen more of the world than I had, because of two years in service, it was fair that I do a little traveling. You had supported my desire to go and assured me you’d be fine, but I was determined to call you often. It didn’t matter that long distance calls were expensive. I had to know you were surviving without me.

Joy and I’d once been like sisters, but our lives had gone in different directions. You first met Joy after we’d been married two years, but for a while, she visited us often. Joy and I’d met as young teenagers at a family reunion. Her grandfather, who was much older than my mother, was Mom’s half-brother. Joy's family had recently moved to a nearby town where her father bought a Ford/Mercury dealership. They were financially better off than we were, but Joy loved the country and spending weeks together became something we did during summer vacation. We both were taking the same correspondence art course,  and we planned to major in art.

After college, I went into commercial art while Joy took a job as an art teacher in Pensacola, Florida. I’d finished my degree after getting married, but Joy taught one year before marrying a boy she’d met from the naval air base there. After he got out of service, they moved to North Carolina,where he attended Duke Law School and became a lawyer. He joined a firm in Jacksonville, Florida, and Joy and I lost touch. Like us, Joy and Dave lost their first child. While Susan died from a vaccine injection, Joy’s son died of crib death. Also like us, they ended up with four living children. We had three girls and a boy, and they had two of each.

Joy’s lifestyle was very different from ours. She and Dave lived in a prestigious neighborhood, where they belonged to a country club and attended parties with other lawyers. We lived a quieter life style. Dave became an alcoholic and a philanderer. Joy was naively unaware of his numerous affairs for almost twenty years. When Joy realized she had married a womanizer she spent many tearful nights before she filed for divorce. Dave promptly left the law firm, leaving Joy with no financial security. She rented an apartment and went to work trying to support herself and the son who lived at home.

Dave remarried twice. After almost dying and having to undergo a liver transplant, he joined AA and stopped drinking. He was eventually appointed to a federal judgeship. After Joy worked a few years, she met Del. Although he was much older, she found him charming and believed they shared common interests. His wife had recently died, and Del was determined to marry her. The fact he was very wealthy didn’t hurt, so they only dated a few months before they married. On their honeymoon, Joy started to realize she should have waited until she knew him better. The first time she bought something for herself with his money, he got angry, and told her she was not to use his money. Realizing he wanted to control her life, she went back to work as an activity director for a nursing home.

Del gave her a small allowance to buy groceries. He wasn’t pleased when he learned she intended to use her own money to travel. Joy’s youngest daughter, like her father, had become an alcoholic. Laura had almost died from liver failure and had become a patient in the nursing home where Joy worked. When her health improved and she could leave the home, Joy insisted she live with them. Del had finally agreed to let her move in. Laura was in AA and was back in school, planning to become a nurse. Much of this information, I learned the first night as Joy and I swapped stories hoping to catch up.

The following morning in Rome, we were treated to a fabulous breakfast buffet. Our next stop on the bus tour was the Vatican. Tour buses were lined up with tourist waiting to be allowed in. Once inside, it was almost too overwhelming to try to absorb the grandeur. We walked down a long hallway with a vaulted ceiling. Beautifully carved marble statues and art everywhere we looked. Gold seemed to be a major color. The hallway led to the Sistine Chapel. This was all part of the Vatican Museum. I’ve seen many pictures of Michelangelo’s art but you can't appreciate it until you’ve been there. We were all staring up at the chapel ceiling where God was reaching down to touch the hand of Adam. The walls were completely covered with his art.

There was far too much to see. We didn’t have time to take in the whole museum. Back outside we walked around in St Peter’s Square. The guide pointed out the pope’s apartment and showed where he often came out to greet people. I was surprised to find an Egyptian obelisk in the center of the square. I could write more than several chapters on just what we were seeing in Vatican City alone, but there was much more of Rome to see before the day ended. We took pictures of the Swiss guards in the orange, blue and red striped uniforms, before we went inside St Peter's Basilica. The church was unbelievable, large and opulent.

One of the highlights inside the church was seeing Michelangelo’s Pieta, the sculpture of Mary holding her dead son across her lap. It was now behind glass. In 1972, a mentally deranged person tried to destroy it with a hammer.

We were on our own for lunch and Joy and I picked up slices of pizza from street venders and topped off our lunch with some delicious gelato, the Italian version of ice cream. Later we were taken on a bus tour of the city as our guide pointed out churches, piazzas, ancient archaeological ruins at the Roman forum, the Pantheon, and many fountains and famous statues. We all got off the bus at the Spanish Steps. Those who wanted to climbed to the top and visited the church there. There were a lot of steps so Joy and I explored the fountain at the base.

We all got off the bus again and walked around inside the coliseum. Part of the walls surrounding it had collapsed due to earthquakes in 1231 and 1349. This is where chariot races were held, where gladiators fought, and where Christians were fed to the lions. What kind of people would watch these things for entertainment? Cats were everywhere. We were told they were officially part of the city's bio-heritage due to their longstanding roots. Historically they were useful to consume rats that caused the plague.

That night we were once more taken to a wonderful restaurant. Wine was again plentiful. We were starting to get to know a few people. There was a lady about our age who had grown up in New Orleans who bonded with us. It wasn’t long before Frances became our companion and choose to be with Joy and me wherever we were. We were told to have our suitcase outside our room door early. Tomorrow, we would be moving on to another part of Italy. We were scheduled to visit Assisi.

• THIS IS US:
  Evan is 68 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
  Beth is 59 and has given up working in the printing field. She gave up work to care for her father, who recently died.
  Carol is 33, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
  Don is a twin. He is 33, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College.
  Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
  Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at a Chattanooga hospital.
  Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby, age two.
  Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-three. She has graduated from college and is working as interior design.
  Charlie is Connie's husband as of June 30, 1996. He works as a lab tech in Memorial Hospital.
• Joy is a cousin from Florida. She and I once spent a lot time together, but we only recently reconnected by phone. We haven't seen each other since our early 20s.  

 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents

Chapter 176
On to Assisi ...Or Not

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

Around three a.m., Joy and I were awakened by the sound of a telephone ringing in the room next to ours. The walls were thinner than we realized because we heard a man’s voice speaking loudly, although we couldn’t quite make out what was being said. After that we heard what sounded like sobs. The intermittent talking and sobbing went on for the next two hours. We didn’t know for sure who had the room, but we felt it was likely someone on our tour. The hotel had reserved several floors for just our group. It was morning before we learned the call was for the young Jacksonville couple who were friends with Joy. The man had gotten an urgent call from home letting him know his father had passed away unexpectedly. He’d spent part of the night trying to book a flight back to the states. It turned out no flights were available right away, and he and his wife would have to remain with the tour another day or so. 

He wasn’t the only one who’d spent part of the night on the phone. Our tour company’s home office and our guide had been frantically trying to make arrangements for alternate plans for our tour. The tour of Assisi had been scrapped. Hours before we were to travel there, the city suffered two devastating earthquakes with a magnitude of 5.7 and 6. Eleven people were killed and many of the injured were buried under the rubble for hours.

The two major quakes that struck close to each other caused part of the Basilica of Saint Francis at Assisi to collapse, destroying the 28 Giotto Frescos which were over 800-years-old. The Basilica was already under reconstruction, which had further weakened it. It was one of the main places we were scheduled to visit. Work on this church dated back to 1228. There were 1000’s of aftershocks and dust covered the city. Over 70% of the building had to be evacuated. The quake was felt in parts of Rome, but we hadn’t felt it. 

The earthquake may have made our tour more interesting, because arrangements were made for us to go, instead to the Amalfi coast. I wouldn’t have wanted to have missed that. We had to travel further Southwest. We were on the road a little over three hours. Much of the time, we traveled along the water. We would be spending several days along the Gulf of Salerno. It was situated where the shoelaces would be in the boot of Italy.

I was shocked when I saw what looked like houses stacked on top of each other on the side of the mountain jutting out into the sea. The area is densely populated with a lot of the homes being vacation places. There are narrow streets running among the houses, but we didn’t see them right away. It was unnerving as our bus traveled through the steep winding streets. Sometimes we would approach another bus on the curves, and both would have to slow to a crawl and somehow manipulate their way around each other. The water below was very blue and the colorful houses were of a very European style architecture. Many tropical trees, lush vines and flowers, particularly bougainvillea bushes, were everywhere.

There are 17 beautiful mountain towns located along the Amalfi coast. We would be staying in Sorento which is one of the larger towns with a big-city feel. Our motel was fabulous. Our room had a balcony overlooking a beautiful pool below us, but neither of us had brought bathing suits. We stayed there for three nights. Our tour guide took advantage of the pool as well as the beach below.  

For most of the noon meals, we were on our own, but there were many places to eat. Eating at tables outside and enjoying the view was one way we chose to dine. I happened to love Italian food and I wasn’t disappointed in anything other than the pizza. They make their pizza very different from American pizza. Instead of the slow-cooked sauce we are used to, they use pureed tomatoes and a different blend of herbs. They don’t have a wide choice of toppings in Italy. There was usually only one topping or none. The crust is cracker-thin and the cheese is fresh, but they don’t use as much as on American pizzas. There are a few different kinds, but none are like the American pizzas. I imagine ours have a lot more calories. I have to admit, I prefer American pizza.

It was a bit of a surprise to find many of the stores closed for several hours in the middle of the day to give their owners rest periods. The evening meals seemed different as well. You and I were accustomed to having our meals last around thirty-minutes, and then, we tended to move on. Italians might take two or three hours to finish their meals, while relaxing, socializing and always consuming the readily available wine. The people seem very laid- back and friendly. In the places we were visiting, the shop owners were used to tourists, and most seemed to speak English. We used the lira which we’d gotten before leaving the states, but they were willing to take American money and the shops took credit cards. Most of the European countries had their own currency before they had started using the Euro.

There were many sidewalk businesses. One place had a large plate glass window, and there was a grape vine that looked like a tree trunk growing up toward the ceiling in the middle of the room. It was in a restaurant, and you could watch the chefs preparing the meals.

One of the group activities took us though a beautiful old home and museum. It included a walking tour through arches and gardens with fountains and beautiful statues. I learned these tours involve a lot of walking. I was glad I had an opportunity to do this one while I was still comfortable taking long walks. 

I called home every evening and you seemed anxious to hear from me. You didn’t tell me much about our children, but you wanted to know we were okay. You’d heard about the earthquake and knew we were scheduled to be there. Joy never called home at all. I asked if she wasn’t concerned about her children, particularly the younger daughter who had been in the nursing home so long with liver failure. Joy said, “If anything happens, I don’t want to know. I don’t think I could survive the long trip home while grieving over something tragic which might have happened. It would be better if I don’t know anything until I return."

Joy and I both took photos constantly throughout the day. Unfortunately, we just had small point-and-shoot cameras. Digital cameras were available, but they were still huge and very expensive. It would cost a small fortune to get all of our rolls of film developed when we got home, and we would usually be disappointed with the results. So far I’d not spent money on souvenirs. When Joy bought something, she had to pay shipping to get it back to the states, because we had no extra room in our small suitcases. 

Our next adventure would be the Isle of Capri. We would take a boat there from Salerno, which is at the opposite end of the Amalfi Coast. It was one of the tours we’d paid extra to be able to do.

 

• THIS IS US:
  Evan is 68 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
  Beth is 59 and has given up working in the printing field. She gave up work to care for her father, who recently died.
  Carol is 33, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
  Don is a twin. He is 33, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College.
  Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
  Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at a Chattanooga hospital.
  Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby, age two.
  Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-three. She has graduated from college and is working as interior design.
  Charlie is Connie's husband as of June 30, 1996. He works as a lab tech in Memorial Hospital.
• Joy is a cousin from Florida. She and I once spent a lot time together, but we only recently reconnected by phone. We haven't seen each other since our early 20s.  

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents

Chapter 177
The Isle of Capri

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

At night when we were in the room alone, Joy continued to fill me in on the parts of her life I’d missed out on over the years. She told me she hadn’t really enjoyed going to the cocktail parties and having to make small talk with people she considered shallow, but who were pretending to be high society. She said many of the lawyers in the group flirted and made passes at her, causing Dave to be jealous. Over time, most of the couples in Dave’s law firm ended up divorced.

Joy said she had been naïve enough to not be concerned about Dave coming home at three or four in the morning and claiming all the law partners went to bars after work to discuss their cases. He said it was expected of him as a partner. It was much later when she learned all the bars closed around 1:30 a.m. Joy was a person who hated confrontation and would avoid an argument at any cost, so she continued to pretend to believe his excuses and cried herself to sleep instead.

At one point, Dave’s drinking problem became so bad, the firm, along with family, had an intervention. He was sent to a facility to help him overcome his problem. He said what he thought everyone wanted to hear and continued to drink. She hesitated about giving up her life style and going back to work. She waited until the children were grown and only one was left at home, before filing for a divorce. Still, she loved Dave and believed he’d wake up and want her back. He’d said, “I didn’t think you’d ever do it.” He and his latest cheating partner married soon after, causing Joy to shed a lot more tears.

The more I learned about her life, the happier I was that I’d married you. Just appearing successful covers up a lot that may be going on behind the scenes. We’d had our crises and aggravating things to deal with at times, but together we worked through them and stayed more or less content. I knew your conscience would never allow you to cheat on me. You had no vices, other than overindulging in coffee. Even though you’d smoked since your teen years, you stopped ‘cold turkey” when someone in the service told you you were coughing a lot and losing weight.

I was excited about the day ahead when we would be visiting Capri. I’d first heard of Capri as a small child listening to a scratchy record, recorded years before my birth. I think I wore it out on my dad’s old Victrola which had to be wound by hand. It was a Foxtrot record that I’d played over and over. Later, Frank Sinatra and other artists made recordings about the Isle of Capri. I imagined it to be the most wonderful place ever.

The following morning at breakfast, we joined our friend, Frances, and her roommate. I was sorry to learn they were both nursing colds, and I hoped we wouldn’t be exposed by hanging around them.

Frances had brought along a large suitcase for her trip, and it had gotten separated from the flight she was on. It didn’t catch up with her until the fifth day. I was thankful Joy had talked me into packing light and stashing our luggage in the overhead compartment. We had been able to get much more than I’d expected into the smaller luggage. It didn’t seem to matter if we wore an outfit more than once. Most of the people who traveled regularly were doing the same.

The trip from Salerno to Capri took one and a half hours by ferry. We rode on the top deck for a better view. Capri, an island in Italy’s Bay of Naples, is famed for its rugged landscape and tourist attractions. The Island is a solid block of limestone with an area of 4 square miles. The town of Capri is the main population center and is a municipality of the metropolitan city of Naples. There are two large marinas on the Island. Capri has twelve churches, seven museums and several monuments. 

Capri has been a resort island since the Roman Republic. One of the attractions on the islands is a well-preserved ancient Roman archaeological site on the north side of the island consisting of an imperial palace built by Augustus and restored by Tiberius. It is known as Palazzo a Mare or Sea Palace. The other municipality is Anacapri. It is widely known for its picturesque, rural tranquility and broad views of the Bay of Naples. Solaro is a mountain on the island of Capri. Its peak is the highest point of Capri.

Napoleon and his troops were on the Island from 1806, but the British overpowered the French and built a powerful naval base on the Island. The construction caused a lot of damage to archaeological sites. The French recaptured it in 1808 and remained there until 1815. Prior to the war, Capri was extremely popular with wealthy gay men. Somerset Maugham and John Ellington Brooks were lovers who shared a villa there. Since that time many famous people have chosen to own villas on the Island.

We were taken by bus around the Island to see some of the main highlights, and we walked along the many walkways overlooking the beautiful blue sea and the marinas below. Capri is a haven for artists with so much picture-perfect scenery. We were fortunate, because the weather in September was the ideal temperature. We spent most of our time in the main town. There were so many shops and outside cafes to visit. We were all wearing name tags. At one of the coffee shops where we decided to get a snack, one of the waiters, a very handsome young man, noticed Joy’s name tag and said, “Well, hello there, Joy. How are you doing? It is so good to see you.”

She smiled big and went along with his attempt at flirting by saying, “Well hello there. Imagine meeting you here. It is good to see you, again.” The Jacksonville couple, who had still not managed to get a flight out, were shocked at the exchange. They asked Joy how on earth she happened to know someone so far from home. It was a good example of what you could expect from the Italian men. They seem to enjoy flirting with tourists. It probably got them big tips. However, tipping is more modest in Europe. The prices for meals include a built-in charge for the service

I would love to have stayed longer on the Island, but the ferry ran on schedule, and we had to get back to Sorrento and pack our bags. On the following day, we were scheduled for another long road trip. This time we would be heading to Florence.

• THIS IS US:
  Evan is 68 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
  Beth is 59 and has given up working in the printing field. She gave up work to care for her father, who recently died.
  Carol is 33, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
  Don is a twin. He is 33, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College.
  Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
  Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at a Chattanooga hospital.
  Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby, age two.
  Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-three. She has graduated from college and is working as interior design.
  Charlie is Connie's husband as of June 30, 1996. He works as a lab tech in Memorial Hospital.
• Joy is a cousin from Florida. She and I once spent a lot time together, but we only recently reconnected by phone. We haven't seen each other since our early 20s.  

---

 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents

Chapter 178
Traveling Toward Florence

By BethShelby

For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.

During the night, my throat became very sore, and I was seized with episodes of sneezing and a runny nose. My fears of being around friends who were nursing colds had been realized. Joy didn’t seem to be having the same problem. Of course, no matter how bad I felt, I wasn’t about to let something like a head cold keep me from seeing Florence. Since we were leaving Sorrento, we gave up our room, and there was no place for me to stay behind if I had wanted to. At breakfast, we became aware that at least a third of our fellow travelers were sick and mostly with a cold. Germs spread fast in a crowd.

The distance between Sorrento and Florence was 318 miles and the bus would be making a number of stops along the way which meant this would be one of our longer trips. The distance from Assisi would have been much shorter at just over a hundred miles, but due to the earthquake we couldn’t blame the tour company for poor planning. The bus had a toilet and a sink, but we were discouraged from using it often because the sewer tank would require draining. Fortunately, we were provided with plenty of bottled water. We were warned not to use the local water for drinking or brushing our teeth. 

Since we would be on the road a good portion of the day, our bus left early. All the seats were occupied with two passengers. We had a daily rotation plan. Every morning, each person moved forward to assure no one would be able to claim the most preferred seats for the entire trip. When those seated on the right reached the first seat, their next rotation would take them to the back seat on the left. Joy's legs were longer than mine, and she was uncomfortable with the distance between seats, so I always had the window seat allowing her knees to be partly in the aisle. There were thirty-two people on the tour including the tour guide and driver.

As we traveled, our tour guide pointed out places of interest along the way. One of the first places we went through was Naples. We passed by an area where marble was mined. The guide said the granite and marble quarries in that area were where artists like Michelangelo found the stone for their masterpieces. Another fact about Naples was that it was the third largest city in Italy, and by area, it was the largest city in Europe at 3.8 sq. mi. It was founded by the Greeks 2,500 years ago, and was once a part of the Kingdom of Sicily. It has seven castles which can still be visited today. However and maybe because we wouldn’t be stopping there, our guide called it a dirty city, and she also said there was much crime there. She mentioned crime in connection with the mafia.

Our trip toward Florence meant we had to travel back through parts of Rome. Finally, the Jacksonville couple, whose father had died was able to get a flight from Rome back to Jacksonville. We noticed things we’d missed before, but for the most part, we stayed on the main road due to lack of time. The bus made several rest stops at smaller places  along the way, giving us time to stretch our legs, visit the ‘bagno’ and buy snacks or souvenirs. At one of the larger places, we stayed long enough to buy ourselves something for lunch. I chose not to eat much, since I didn’t feel well.

The toilets at places we stopped were sometimes a puzzle. You might find a button to push on the wall or top and other times there was a chain to pull or a foot pedal. Often the restrooms we visited had cleaning attendants and they expected a small tip. In some of the nicer hotels where we had rooms, we would find our bathrooms contained a bidet. Back then, a lot of Americans didn't even know what they were used for.

I didn’t feel like doing a lot of talking, so I kept my eyes toward the window and on the passing scenery with views of the lush countryside. We drove past olive groves and vineyards and large farms with lovely villas. Many of the houses appeared to be stucco or stone with red tile roof tops. Sometimes we saw fields where sheep or goats were grazing. The towns were quaint. A lot of the houses were small and boxy. The two-story houses looked like one square box sitting on top of another one. None of the windows had screens and often a line of laundry stretched from the window and was anchored somewhere beyond. Possibly there were pulleys to pull the laundry back up once it dried. Other windows had flower boxes filled with colorful blooms. Tall tapered cypress trees grew everywhere. There were many ancient hill towns scattered about. We would visit several of them on this trip, but I don’t remember visiting a hill town on the way to Florence.  

The first place the bus took us, when we finally reached Florence, was to the Piazzale Michelangelo. Here we saw a huge bronze replica of the original David. This stature was fairly new by European standards. It was commissioned and placed there in 1869 by Giuseppe Paggi, a Florentine architect. This place was on a hillside overlooking a magnificent view of the skyline of Florence. There was a museum and other things of interest at the site, but the main reason for this stop was to get a group picture of all of us with the city of Florence in the background. Photographers were there to take pictures, and other busses of tourists were also awaiting their turn for having a picture taken. The hope was that most of us would purchase the large group photo as a memento of our trip.

After the picture was made the bus took us to the hotel arranged for our stay. We sat in the lobby of the luxury hotel for what seemed like hours while they got around to assigning each couple their room. Perhaps the main elevators were out in this hotel, because we were taken to our rooms by way of a lift beside the check-in desk. There was only room for two couples and their luggage to ride up at a time.

It was late afternoon and I had to call you as soon as we got to the room, because Florence time was five hours ahead of our time back home. I didn't want to interrupt your sleep time.  I was almost too tired to talk to you and give you an update. You assured me that everything was going well at home and our children were checking on you. You had gone out to eat with Carol. I knew unless something truly major happened, I wouldn’t be likely to find out until I returned home because you would assume I was too far away to solve any crisis. I couldn’t let it bother me, but I knew nothing ever ran that smoothly in our household. 

We had another long Italian supper ahead of us for the evening, I could hardly wait until it ended and we were taken back to the hotel. Luckily, I was tired enough to sleep in spite of my cold. We would be in this area for two more nights. Florence had had rain earlier and a front had come through. It was much cooler here than it had been further south.  

• THIS IS US:
  Evan is 68 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
  Beth is 59 and has given up working in the printing field. She gave up work to care for her father, who recently died.
  Carol is 33, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.  
  Don is a twin. He is 33, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College.
  Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
  Kimberly is Don’s wife. She is a nurse working at a Chattanooga hospital.
  Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's baby, age two.
  Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-three. She has graduated from college and is working as interior design.
  Charlie is Connie's husband as of June 30, 1996. He works as a lab tech in Memorial Hospital.
• Joy is a cousin from Florida. She and I once spent a lot time together, but we only recently reconnected by phone. We haven't seen each other since our early 20s.  

---

 

Author Notes

I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents

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