| Biographical Non-Fiction posted January 20, 2022 | Chapters: |
...142 144 -144- 145... 
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A time when life starts to unravel.
A chapter in the book Remembering Yesterday
Aging Parents In Need of Help
by BethShelby
| Background 1995 was a year I've dreaded writing about, because many ways, it was a year of discontent. |
For new readers, who may not have read my author notes, this is written in a conversational way as I talk to my deceased husband. When I refer to someone just as "you" this means I am addressing my husband, Evan.
January 1995, found me working a part time job for a company that reproduced and packaged VCR movies and tapes for sales and distribution. I had turned down several full time jobs that would have led to permanent employment. I was enjoying time at home after working full time so many years. I didn’t want to get back into printing, since the field was changing so much from the way I had been trained. I was happier learning to use a computer and doing a little writing. Also, it was nice having some free time to do things with you, and you seemed pleased to have me at home more.
Connie was getting reacquainted with her older sister. She had recently moved in with her, after Carol’s roommate moved out of the apartment they were sharing. There was a twelve years age difference between the girls. Carol had left home when Connie was five, but before that, she had adored her little sister. I was almost envious of their bonding, knowing Connie was confiding in Carol more than she had been willing to do with me.
Connie would soon start the second semester of her junior year at the University, in her quest for a degree in Interior Design. She had two part-time jobs. The main one was in the linen department of Waccamaw, a home furnishing chain store.
On the spur of the moment, before the new semester started, Connie decided to visit Charlie again. The long-distance relationship was wearing thin. Carol agreed to drive her as far as mother’s, which was 300 miles of the distance, and Charlie drove eighty more to pick her up. Carol only stayed one day, because she had to get back to her job. Connie got a ride back with some students who went to school in Chattanooga.
A week after they were there, Mom came down with flu and was sick for a week, and Daddy fell twice during January. Mom’s back was in bad shape, but she had to try to get him up, because he wouldn’t let her call anyone to help. Once he fell while she was shopping, and he had to lie on the hall floor until she returned. Since I was their only child, their problems were keeping me up at night. I knew they needed help, but I didn’t know how to help from so far away.
You kept me worried, as well, because your blood pressure continuously ran too high, and you sometimes had chest pains at night. You were always worrying about yourself, and Carol thought you were having panic attacks. We avoided trips to the emergency room, because I was usually able to talk you into relaxing enough so you would finally fall asleep. Another problem keeping us awake was a bank we were dealing with in Georgia which appeared to have lost a large certificate of deposit we had invested with them. Everyone in the family seemed to be having problems.
In spite of the money we’d loaned Don and Kimberly, they were so deeply in debt they needed to sell their house before they lost it. They had borrowed money from her mother as well, and Jane was demanding it back. They were selling off everything they owned and had traded their car for a less expensive one. Some days, they talked of moving back to Chattanooga, and other days, they talked of moving to Arizona. Don had two sections of the chiropractic certification which were enough in some states, but Tennessee required a another section, involving physical therapy. This meant more classes and another certification test, before he could practice.
So much seemed out of control at the beginning of the year, but we were pleased that all of our children were going to church regularly every week. Don and Kimberly were active in the church in Atlanta. and they’d had a dedication service for their new baby. Carol, Christi, and Connie were attending our Chattanooga church each week with their own friends. Unfortunately, church attendance doesn't guarantee families will be free of trouble
Christi was not without her problems, and living with her wasn’t easy. In some ways, she was our biggest problem, but we’ll save that discussion for another day. We had so many other things we needed to deal with that Christi’s issues had to be left on the back burner.
Shortly into February, Mom called me crying so badly I couldn’t understand what she was saying. She finally managed to let me know she thought she was having a nervous breakdown. She said she couldn’t cope any longer, and she had to have help. I knew I had to go and see what I could do. She was eighty, with a bad back and other health problems. Having to deal with Dad’s falling episodes, his bowel problems and incontinence had worn down all of her reserves. He was five years older than her.
I took some time off and drove to Mississippi, leaving you behind to deal with our animals and other issues. I’d never driven over 300 miles alone before, but I arrrived without incident. Just having me there, caused Mom to settle down. Dad was more docile than I’d ever seen him. He seemed to realize that Mom was no longer the high energy person she had been for the last sixty years. I stayed with them most of the week, and they agreed to go back to Chattanooga with me.
After a week with us, they were both better and wanted to go back home. During the week, it snowed several times. Mom and Dad sat on the sofa together holding hands and watching the snow come down. Dad had always given Mom a hard time with his impatience and stormy nature. It seemed he had mellowed as he aged, and it was shocking to see them acting like love-birds.
They were both in fair shape, physically and mentally, when we took them back to Newton that weekend. The crisis was averted for now. But at their age and only me to deal with the care they would need soon, we realized we had only put a band-aid on a situation which would continue to escalate.
THIS IS US:
Evan is 66 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 57 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly s Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. She gave birth to their first child in October '94,
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's new baby
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-one. She and a junior in college.
Charlie is her new boy Connie's met at camp. He lives in South Mississippi and attends Mississippi Southern College.
Jane is Kimberly's mother.
January 1995, found me working a part time job for a company that reproduced and packaged VCR movies and tapes for sales and distribution. I had turned down several full time jobs that would have led to permanent employment. I was enjoying time at home after working full time so many years. I didn’t want to get back into printing, since the field was changing so much from the way I had been trained. I was happier learning to use a computer and doing a little writing. Also, it was nice having some free time to do things with you, and you seemed pleased to have me at home more.
Connie was getting reacquainted with her older sister. She had recently moved in with her, after Carol’s roommate moved out of the apartment they were sharing. There was a twelve years age difference between the girls. Carol had left home when Connie was five, but before that, she had adored her little sister. I was almost envious of their bonding, knowing Connie was confiding in Carol more than she had been willing to do with me.
Connie would soon start the second semester of her junior year at the University, in her quest for a degree in Interior Design. She had two part-time jobs. The main one was in the linen department of Waccamaw, a home furnishing chain store.
On the spur of the moment, before the new semester started, Connie decided to visit Charlie again. The long-distance relationship was wearing thin. Carol agreed to drive her as far as mother’s, which was 300 miles of the distance, and Charlie drove eighty more to pick her up. Carol only stayed one day, because she had to get back to her job. Connie got a ride back with some students who went to school in Chattanooga.
A week after they were there, Mom came down with flu and was sick for a week, and Daddy fell twice during January. Mom’s back was in bad shape, but she had to try to get him up, because he wouldn’t let her call anyone to help. Once he fell while she was shopping, and he had to lie on the hall floor until she returned. Since I was their only child, their problems were keeping me up at night. I knew they needed help, but I didn’t know how to help from so far away.
You kept me worried, as well, because your blood pressure continuously ran too high, and you sometimes had chest pains at night. You were always worrying about yourself, and Carol thought you were having panic attacks. We avoided trips to the emergency room, because I was usually able to talk you into relaxing enough so you would finally fall asleep. Another problem keeping us awake was a bank we were dealing with in Georgia which appeared to have lost a large certificate of deposit we had invested with them. Everyone in the family seemed to be having problems.
In spite of the money we’d loaned Don and Kimberly, they were so deeply in debt they needed to sell their house before they lost it. They had borrowed money from her mother as well, and Jane was demanding it back. They were selling off everything they owned and had traded their car for a less expensive one. Some days, they talked of moving back to Chattanooga, and other days, they talked of moving to Arizona. Don had two sections of the chiropractic certification which were enough in some states, but Tennessee required a another section, involving physical therapy. This meant more classes and another certification test, before he could practice.
So much seemed out of control at the beginning of the year, but we were pleased that all of our children were going to church regularly every week. Don and Kimberly were active in the church in Atlanta. and they’d had a dedication service for their new baby. Carol, Christi, and Connie were attending our Chattanooga church each week with their own friends. Unfortunately, church attendance doesn't guarantee families will be free of trouble
Christi was not without her problems, and living with her wasn’t easy. In some ways, she was our biggest problem, but we’ll save that discussion for another day. We had so many other things we needed to deal with that Christi’s issues had to be left on the back burner.
Shortly into February, Mom called me crying so badly I couldn’t understand what she was saying. She finally managed to let me know she thought she was having a nervous breakdown. She said she couldn’t cope any longer, and she had to have help. I knew I had to go and see what I could do. She was eighty, with a bad back and other health problems. Having to deal with Dad’s falling episodes, his bowel problems and incontinence had worn down all of her reserves. He was five years older than her.
I took some time off and drove to Mississippi, leaving you behind to deal with our animals and other issues. I’d never driven over 300 miles alone before, but I arrrived without incident. Just having me there, caused Mom to settle down. Dad was more docile than I’d ever seen him. He seemed to realize that Mom was no longer the high energy person she had been for the last sixty years. I stayed with them most of the week, and they agreed to go back to Chattanooga with me.
After a week with us, they were both better and wanted to go back home. During the week, it snowed several times. Mom and Dad sat on the sofa together holding hands and watching the snow come down. Dad had always given Mom a hard time with his impatience and stormy nature. It seemed he had mellowed as he aged, and it was shocking to see them acting like love-birds.
They were both in fair shape, physically and mentally, when we took them back to Newton that weekend. The crisis was averted for now. But at their age and only me to deal with the care they would need soon, we realized we had only put a band-aid on a situation which would continue to escalate.
THIS IS US:
Evan is 66 and a retired drafting supervisor from Chevron Oil.
Beth is 57 and has had a variety of jobs. She is presently working temporary jobs.
Carol is 32, recently divorced, and a nurse, working at a hospital in Chattanooga and living in an apartment.
Don is a twin. He is 31, a recent graduate of Life Chiropractic College
Christi is Don’s twin. She is working as a receptionist at a chemical company and doing massages on the side.
Kimberly s Don’s wife. She is a nurse working in Atlanta. She gave birth to their first child in October '94,
Lauren Elizabeth Jane Shelby is Don and Kimberly's new baby
Connie is our youngest daughter. She is twenty-one. She and a junior in college.
Charlie is her new boy Connie's met at camp. He lives in South Mississippi and attends Mississippi Southern College.
Jane is Kimberly's mother.
 Recognized |
I'm continuing to recall memories of life with my deceased husband, Evan, as if I am talking aloud to him. I'm doing this because I want my children to know us as we knew each other and not just as their parents.
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