| Humor Non-Fiction posted June 15, 2022 |
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Humor when family gets together
A Family Reunion
by Terry Broxson
When I married Zoe in 1974, I also married her family. Zoe's father and mother, Charlie and Annie had been taking a family beach vacation to Boliver Peninsula on the gulf coast of Texas just north of Galveston for many years.
As the family grew the vacation turned into a reunion. Attendance was somewhere around thirty or so, consisting of brothers and sisters, in-laws, cousins, and friends. Here are a few vignettes from those reunions.
THE CONTESTS
Generally speaking, these beach reunions revolved around eating and drinking. This activity must have looked like some form of contest to the casual observer. Great quantities of food and liquor were indeed consumed.
The eating part involved gumbo made by Randy, an in-law. Personally, I can't stand the stuff. Everybody else thought it was great, even if Randy burned it.
Nobody cared much when the gumbo got burned because that is where the drinking contest came into play. Contestants in the drinking contest would eat anything, even burned gumbo.
Drinking was (dare I say limited) to beer, Old N0.7 (Jack Daniels), Junior B (J&B Scotch), several types of wine, and assorted vodkas.
I offer two observations about the drinking contest. Contrary to what you may think. The winner was the one who drank the least, but there were a lot more losers than winners. And these folks turned out okay. I was as surprised as anybody.
***
ENTREPRENEURIAL TRAINING
This training was a corollary to the drinking contest. There were only two people involved, Charlie (Zoe's father) and Larry, Charlie's youngest grandson. Charlie liked his Budweiser. When the family gathered at the beach, Larry would bring Grandpa a Budweiser whenever it looked like he might be running low.
Larry was about seven when this started (over fifty years ago). Larry was paid a quarter for each delivered Budweiser. He stuck close to Grandpa. Larry had two pockets full of quarters at the end of the weekend. This was his first experience with customer service, and it served him well as he later developed his own businesses.
***
CATFISHING
In 1980, after my buddy, Carl finished his tour as a Navy doctor, he established his medical practice in his hometown of Abilene, Texas. Carl and I went to the family reunion a day early, thinking we would catch some fish for a fish fry.
Truth be told, Carl and I were both better at losing the drinking contest than fishing.
We were on a fishing pier out in the gulf. Carl hooked a twelve-inch catfish. It was not worth keeping and could be dangerous getting off the hook because it has two barbed spikes on each side of its mouth that can stab you and burn like Hades.
Carl was wearing shorts and sandals. The catfish flopped up and stabbed him between the two big toes on his left foot. Blood spurted up like that famous geyser in Yellowstone. Carl being a doctor knew it was not a problem; it just looked bad for a moment.
The dozen or so fellow fishermen and two women started offering advice.
"You better rub some of the slime from that fish into that wound. That is the only way to stop the burn!"
"No, don't do that. It will get infected; put some bleach on it."
"No, not bleach. Put an aspirin on it and cover it with a Band-Aid."
I asked Carl, "What can I do to help?"
"Go up to that convenience store at the end of the pier and see if you can get some bleach, aspirin, and Band-Aids."
"Carl, really?"
"Terry, they didn't teach this in medical school. It never came up in the Navy. I have already tried the slime."
Later that night, Carl decided to treat the wound internally with some J&B scotch. He said that it worked as well as anything.
***
PAYING YOUR WAY
Jim was Zoe's oldest nephew. He was paying his way and earning a degree at Arizona State University. He wanted to help pay for some of the beer he was consuming. I had just put two cases on the convenience store counter when Jim touched my arm and said, "I got this."
Jim took out his wallet. He looked at the cashier and said, "Do you take food stamps from Arizona?"
Don't leave home without it.
It didn't work.
But with me, it was the thought that counted.
When I married Zoe in 1974, I also married her family. Zoe's father and mother, Charlie and Annie had been taking a family beach vacation to Boliver Peninsula on the gulf coast of Texas just north of Galveston for many years.
As the family grew the vacation turned into a reunion. Attendance was somewhere around thirty or so, consisting of brothers and sisters, in-laws, cousins, and friends. Here are a few vignettes from those reunions.
THE CONTESTS
Generally speaking, these beach reunions revolved around eating and drinking. This activity must have looked like some form of contest to the casual observer. Great quantities of food and liquor were indeed consumed.
The eating part involved gumbo made by Randy, an in-law. Personally, I can't stand the stuff. Everybody else thought it was great, even if Randy burned it.
Nobody cared much when the gumbo got burned because that is where the drinking contest came into play. Contestants in the drinking contest would eat anything, even burned gumbo.
Drinking was (dare I say limited) to beer, Old N0.7 (Jack Daniels), Junior B (J&B Scotch), several types of wine, and assorted vodkas.
I offer two observations about the drinking contest. Contrary to what you may think. The winner was the one who drank the least, but there were a lot more losers than winners. And these folks turned out okay. I was as surprised as anybody.
***
ENTREPRENEURIAL TRAINING
This training was a corollary to the drinking contest. There were only two people involved, Charlie (Zoe's father) and Larry, Charlie's youngest grandson. Charlie liked his Budweiser. When the family gathered at the beach, Larry would bring Grandpa a Budweiser whenever it looked like he might be running low.
Larry was about seven when this started (over fifty years ago). Larry was paid a quarter for each delivered Budweiser. He stuck close to Grandpa. Larry had two pockets full of quarters at the end of the weekend. This was his first experience with customer service, and it served him well as he later developed his own businesses.
***
CATFISHING
In 1980, after my buddy, Carl finished his tour as a Navy doctor, he established his medical practice in his hometown of Abilene, Texas. Carl and I went to the family reunion a day early, thinking we would catch some fish for a fish fry.
Truth be told, Carl and I were both better at losing the drinking contest than fishing.
We were on a fishing pier out in the gulf. Carl hooked a twelve-inch catfish. It was not worth keeping and could be dangerous getting off the hook because it has two barbed spikes on each side of its mouth that can stab you and burn like Hades.
Carl was wearing shorts and sandals. The catfish flopped up and stabbed him between the two big toes on his left foot. Blood spurted up like that famous geyser in Yellowstone. Carl being a doctor knew it was not a problem; it just looked bad for a moment.
The dozen or so fellow fishermen and two women started offering advice.
"You better rub some of the slime from that fish into that wound. That is the only way to stop the burn!"
"No, don't do that. It will get infected; put some bleach on it."
"No, not bleach. Put an aspirin on it and cover it with a Band-Aid."
I asked Carl, "What can I do to help?"
"Go up to that convenience store at the end of the pier and see if you can get some bleach, aspirin, and Band-Aids."
"Carl, really?"
"Terry, they didn't teach this in medical school. It never came up in the Navy. I have already tried the slime."
Later that night, Carl decided to treat the wound internally with some J&B scotch. He said that it worked as well as anything.
***
PAYING YOUR WAY
Jim was Zoe's oldest nephew. He was paying his way and earning a degree at Arizona State University. He wanted to help pay for some of the beer he was consuming. I had just put two cases on the convenience store counter when Jim touched my arm and said, "I got this."
Jim took out his wallet. He looked at the cashier and said, "Do you take food stamps from Arizona?"
Don't leave home without it.
It didn't work.
But with me, it was the thought that counted.
 Recognized |
#24 June 2022 |
Artwork by MKFlood at FanArtReview.com
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