| Commentary and Philosophy Script posted July 30, 2022 |
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The first sign of madness
Fleedleflumpus
by Fleedleflump
INT DARK ROOM. Two identical chairs face one another, each spotlit from above. Mike, a beardy guy in his forties with a ponytail and a few more pounds than the doctor advises, sits in one. He stares intently at the empty chair opposite. Mike Okay, Fleedleflump. You can come out now. Fleedleflump (Materialising in the other chair - an amorphous, smoky presence. With a ponytail.) Come out as what? Mike As yourself. As me. As both. Either, or - neither, nor. Fleedleflump Why? Mike Because I want to talk to you. Fleedleflump Do you often talk to yourself? Mike Well, yeah. If I didn't talk to myself, how would I know what I was thinking? Fleedleflump You do know this is considered the first sign of madness, don't you? Mike What are the second, third, fourth and fifth? Where does writing the same poem over and over again rank on the list? Only, if it's on there, call me Kermit because I'm as mad as a box of frogs. Fleedleflump Yeah, I never understood that one. How mad are frogs, exactly, and why does being in a box together indicate additional mental instability? Mike True, indeed. Perhaps just the idea is what's mad, but then the saying doesn't work logically. I guess we shouldn't borrow comparisons. I think they should work on two levels, at least. How about, as mad as Murdoch in an asylum … playing a hatter without a tea party. Fleedleflump Your references are almost as dated as your haircut. Mike A haircut you’ve replicated. Fleedleflump Why so touchy? Do you perhaps feel it’s time for a more grown up haircut? Or was that twenty years ago? Or have you had it so long it’s become ironic? Do you just like to be different? Mike My brain says I'm a contradiction. Fleedleflump You're a contrarian - it's not quite the same thing. Mike No I'm not. Fleedleflump Seriously, what am I doing here? I'm busy considering the impossibility of the concept of infinity whilst simultaneously thinking about boobs. I'm a paradigm and an original invention, so there! Mike Is this why I'm never quite sure whether I've done the right thing with my life? Are you back there, influencing me, making me look at boobs when I should be conversing politely? Fleedleflump No, that's because you think too much. And you like boobs. You're a guy - deal with it. Last chance before I go on strike and only visit you in your dreams - you know you don't want that! Why did you want to talk? Mike I have a milestone post coming up. Fleedleflump What's that? Mike I don't really know, but I feel as though it should be something a bit different. Fleedleflump So, use big words so everyone has to look stuff up and you can feel all clever about it. Mike I said I need something different. A milestone sounds important. Fleedleflump Are you sure it’s not just a yellow coat of paint? And since when was a mile a measure of how many writing posts you’ve made? Mike Have you seen the length of some of my poems? Fleedleflump Wow, you really are the master of procrastinating on your procrastination. Mike Seriously, I need a subject. Fleedleflump You are the subject, dude, and yes - I did just use a word that’s never applied to you. Poetry is just your personality finding ways to stamp itself on the universe. You’re a show-off who doesn’t believe in himself, a thinker who’s too polite to share his thoughts without the obscurity of a poetic filter. You’re a fruitcake in the shape of a human, and you went stale years ago. Mike But… what does all that mean? Fleedleflump It means you’re the kind of person who talks to his own pen name. It means you’re a plonker. It means, dammit, that you’re the subject. Mike I wish I’d never doodled you in a school exercise book. Fleedleflump I wish I was Salma Hayek’s bicycle saddle, but we don’t always get what we wish for. Mike Fine, go back to the concept of infinity. Fleedleflump And boobs. Mike Those too. I guess I’ll try to write something on my own. Fleedleflump You’re never on your own, dude. That ponytail will always keep you company.
I couldn't resist this bit of fun. I hope you enjoyed the read :-).
Pays
one point
and 2 member cents. Mike 
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