| Humor Fiction posted October 27, 2018 |
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Funny Things Happen
Legally Dead
by prettybluebirds
Pleasant Dreams Funeral Home, Roger Atwood speaking, how may I help you?
This is Anne Smith, I'm dead and I want you to come to pick me up.
You don't sound dead. What makes you think you are?
Well, my husband has been telling me I'm dead for years but I've never paid him much mind because what does he know? However, today my husband received a letter from Social Security sending their condolences and a check for death benefits on me. I guess that proves I'm dead doesn't it?
Sometimes mistakes are made, Mrs. Smith.
I have been removed from the lists of the living. My Social Security number is null and void and probably belongs to some child now. In the eyes of the Government of The United States, I no longer exist. How much deader can I get? Waah!
Now, now, Mrs. Smith, don't get all upset, and please...
Wouldn't you be upset if you found out you were dead?
You wouldn't be talking to me now if you were dead, you're very much alive. I have yet to meet a talking corpse and in my business, see a lot of them.
Are you sure about that? I mean, I have heard stories about the walking dead. Maybe my body doesn't know it's dead yet and isn't ready to give up the ghost, so to speak. Or perhaps I am a ghost, did you think of that possibility?
Why don't you talk to your husband and have him help you get this straightened out?
I tried and the fool started laughing so hard he fell out of his wheelchair. He said it proves what he has been saying all along, I'm dead.
Ma'am, will you try something for me?
I don't know, it depends on what it is.
Will you look in a mirror and tell me what you see?
Well, okay but I can't see where that will help anything.
Are you looking in a mirror now?
Yes.
Do you see a reflection of yourself?
Yeah, sure I do, so what?
Ghost can't see themselves in a mirror and they cast no shadow. Do you have a shadow?
Oh my, I certainly do, and I can see my normal self in the mirror.
See, you're not dead, Mrs. Smith. If you contact Social Security I'm sure they will make things right for you. The government doesn't like to admit they make mistakes quite often. Just watch Donald Trump in action and you will see what I mean.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Atwood. I'm so relieved to know I'm still among the living. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You're more than welcome. Now I must take care of some folks less fortunate than you. You have a wonderful rest of your life.
Wait a minute Mr. Atwood, I may still have need of your services.
Why is that, Ma'mn?
If I hear one more dead joke from my husband or one more bellow of laughter from his lips, I will be calling you within the hour. Goodbye, for now, and have a great day.
Dialogue Only Prompt writing prompt entry
Pleasant Dreams Funeral Home, Roger Atwood speaking, how may I help you?
This is Anne Smith, I'm dead and I want you to come to pick me up.
You don't sound dead. What makes you think you are?
Well, my husband has been telling me I'm dead for years but I've never paid him much mind because what does he know? However, today my husband received a letter from Social Security sending their condolences and a check for death benefits on me. I guess that proves I'm dead doesn't it?
Sometimes mistakes are made, Mrs. Smith.
I have been removed from the lists of the living. My Social Security number is null and void and probably belongs to some child now. In the eyes of the Government of The United States, I no longer exist. How much deader can I get? Waah!
Now, now, Mrs. Smith, don't get all upset, and please...
Wouldn't you be upset if you found out you were dead?
You wouldn't be talking to me now if you were dead, you're very much alive. I have yet to meet a talking corpse and in my business, see a lot of them.
Are you sure about that? I mean, I have heard stories about the walking dead. Maybe my body doesn't know it's dead yet and isn't ready to give up the ghost, so to speak. Or perhaps I am a ghost, did you think of that possibility?
Why don't you talk to your husband and have him help you get this straightened out?
I tried and the fool started laughing so hard he fell out of his wheelchair. He said it proves what he has been saying all along, I'm dead.
Ma'am, will you try something for me?
I don't know, it depends on what it is.
Will you look in a mirror and tell me what you see?
Well, okay but I can't see where that will help anything.
Are you looking in a mirror now?
Yes.
Do you see a reflection of yourself?
Yeah, sure I do, so what?
Ghost can't see themselves in a mirror and they cast no shadow. Do you have a shadow?
Oh my, I certainly do, and I can see my normal self in the mirror.
See, you're not dead, Mrs. Smith. If you contact Social Security I'm sure they will make things right for you. The government doesn't like to admit they make mistakes quite often. Just watch Donald Trump in action and you will see what I mean.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Atwood. I'm so relieved to know I'm still among the living. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You're more than welcome. Now I must take care of some folks less fortunate than you. You have a wonderful rest of your life.
Wait a minute Mr. Atwood, I may still have need of your services.
Why is that, Ma'mn?
If I hear one more dead joke from my husband or one more bellow of laughter from his lips, I will be calling you within the hour. Goodbye, for now, and have a great day.
This is Anne Smith, I'm dead and I want you to come to pick me up.
You don't sound dead. What makes you think you are?
Well, my husband has been telling me I'm dead for years but I've never paid him much mind because what does he know? However, today my husband received a letter from Social Security sending their condolences and a check for death benefits on me. I guess that proves I'm dead doesn't it?
Sometimes mistakes are made, Mrs. Smith.
I have been removed from the lists of the living. My Social Security number is null and void and probably belongs to some child now. In the eyes of the Government of The United States, I no longer exist. How much deader can I get? Waah!
Now, now, Mrs. Smith, don't get all upset, and please...
Wouldn't you be upset if you found out you were dead?
You wouldn't be talking to me now if you were dead, you're very much alive. I have yet to meet a talking corpse and in my business, see a lot of them.
Are you sure about that? I mean, I have heard stories about the walking dead. Maybe my body doesn't know it's dead yet and isn't ready to give up the ghost, so to speak. Or perhaps I am a ghost, did you think of that possibility?
Why don't you talk to your husband and have him help you get this straightened out?
I tried and the fool started laughing so hard he fell out of his wheelchair. He said it proves what he has been saying all along, I'm dead.
Ma'am, will you try something for me?
I don't know, it depends on what it is.
Will you look in a mirror and tell me what you see?
Well, okay but I can't see where that will help anything.
Are you looking in a mirror now?
Yes.
Do you see a reflection of yourself?
Yeah, sure I do, so what?
Ghost can't see themselves in a mirror and they cast no shadow. Do you have a shadow?
Oh my, I certainly do, and I can see my normal self in the mirror.
See, you're not dead, Mrs. Smith. If you contact Social Security I'm sure they will make things right for you. The government doesn't like to admit they make mistakes quite often. Just watch Donald Trump in action and you will see what I mean.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Atwood. I'm so relieved to know I'm still among the living. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You're more than welcome. Now I must take care of some folks less fortunate than you. You have a wonderful rest of your life.
Wait a minute Mr. Atwood, I may still have need of your services.
Why is that, Ma'mn?
If I hear one more dead joke from my husband or one more bellow of laughter from his lips, I will be calling you within the hour. Goodbye, for now, and have a great day.
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Writing Prompt Write a story using only dialogue. No narration, descriptions, or sentence tags. Maximum word count: 1,000 |
 Recognized |
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Just a silly story for the contest. I woke up this morning with this story in my mind.
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