CAST:
Pons
Ned
Neil Nave (Neil) Campaign Manager
(Rip) Porter Reporter
Thomas Edison (Tom) Media Specialist
Activist1 (Act1)
Activist2 (Act2)
Activist3 (Act3)
Server ( a young woman)
The scene opens with Pons and Ned sitting with others at a huge round table at a family restaurant. Pons, Ned, and Neil Nave are seated at center. Rip the Reporter and Tom a media specialist are seated on their right. Three activists are seated on the left.
Pons: I want to thank you all for coming to this brunch for Ned's campaign kick-off.
Ned: We also depreciate ya payin' fer yer own and bringin' yer own chairs.
Neil: By the time we meet again the food and seating will be paid for by the campaign funds.
Rip: So, are you already promising people seats in your cabinet?
Tom: (speaking to Rip) Have you written your article yet, Rip, or are you waiting for Rupert Murdock to tell you what you think?
Rip: Waiting.
Act1: Tax the rich, Ned!
Act2: No more war, Ned!
Act3: Death to capitalist swine!
Server: Drinks?
Pons: Water for me, thanks.
Ned: Soda pop, fer me.
Neil: Double bourbon.
Server: Only beer or wine, sir.
Neil: Mad Dog --bring the bottle.
Rip: Six pack of Guiness
Server: Gentlemen, I can only serve wine by the glass, and we only have domestic beer.
Neil: A tall glass, dear.
Rip: Make it a Drewreys, Falstaff, or Schlitz.
Server: We have Budweisser, Bud Lite, Miller, Miller Lite, or Pabst Blue Ribbon.
Rip: Make it a tumbler of Mad Dog.
Server: (turning to Thomas) For you, sir?
Tom: Do you have good coffee?
Server: With cream, sugar and some imagination.
Tom: How is your tea?
Server: Tastes like dishwater, if you add the cream and sugar.
Tom: Mad Dog then.
Act1: Just tap water for me. I want to feel the world's pain.
Server: I could dip it from the toilet bowl if you like.
Act1: Maybe the urinal; let's not get too crazy.
Act2: Is your lemonade made from fresh lemons?
Server: Three days ago.
Act2: Just make it a Bud Lite.
Server: (speaking to the final patron) How about you, sir?
Act3: Can I get some of your milk?
Server: Goat, cow, almond, or oatmeal?
Act3: Maybe -- breast milk?
Server: (flatly) What about milk I gargled and spit into a dirty glass?
Act3: (gasping) Yes -- thank you.
To be continued...
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