FanStory.com - Regretsby prettybluebirds

In some ways, I'm satisfied with my current life. I own a debt-free home, have no outstanding bills, and my health is excellent. I have enough money to last several years unless I do something stupid like spend money on a lavish vacation. Also, I own a fourteen-year-old car with low mileage, and if I keep replacing parts, it will qualify as a new car before too long. I'm seventy-seven, so I'm hoping the car will outlive me.

I live with six cats, one dog, and my niece, Cindy. Cindy works many hours, so I spend quite a lot of time alone, just my animal family and me. After over thirty years of running a dairy farm with my husband, I don't mind the quiet, but I miss one thing that most older folks have---grandchildren.

I see so many, even here on FanStory, talking and writing about their children and grandchildren. I envy them. I lost all three of my sons for different reasons. The first was premature and only lived three days; my second son died in a tragic accident at age sixteen, and my third son died of viral pneumonia when he was two months old. I'm not telling you this because I want your sympathy; I learned to cope with the situation years ago. I only want to explain why I have no grandchildren and never will.

I sometimes wonder how different things might be now if those three boys had lived. Would I have grandchildren or perhaps great-grandchildren to babysit? It has been so long since I have been around children that I'm not sure I would know what to say or do if for some reason I were suddenly involved with them. I have two sisters but neither married so they are childless too, and my brother's children all grew up while I was dairy farming so I seldom saw them. My last son passed away in nineteen-eighty-five, so yes, it has been a very long time. I'm sure I would have had a different life if my sons had lived, but unfortunately, fate changed all that.

In conclusion, I deeply regret the loss of my sons. Sometimes it doesn't seem fair that I have lived to be this old, and my boys never got to live their lives. They have missed so many sunsets, sunrises, and the everyday bustle of living. Would I change it if I could? Of course. I would gladly have given up my years on earth so they could enjoy theirs, but things don't work that way. I will try to be satisfied with what I do have in the final years of my life, and perhaps I will see my boys again one day. Who knows.