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I came home crying and shouted in front of the mirror: "That's it! No more attempted murder and no more putting myself up there for anybody. Dating is not for me. I am such an idiot to consider that I am dealing with mature and honest people. But not much luck, clearly, lots of drama in this Game of Thrones... and you know winter is coming. According to that profile, everybody is an athlete because they exercise at least 4-5 times a week. When do you have time to date and possibly start a new life? My advice to you, buddy, is to stick with what you know, so kill the gym, walk your dog, and stop pretending you are here to meet the ONE. I wonder why people are signing up for these bullshit apps? Do they want to feel good about themselves since Facebook is free? Why not pay for a service in which you can lie through the teeth that you are cultivated and in brackets - full of you know what.. that thing that gives you wings! Nice profile, Johnny boy, you are all I've dreamed off... of course on paper? You are full of shit. I know some people reading these lines will say that I am bitter because I couldn't find what I need, but hey, I know exactly what I need, and the conclusion is that it doesn't exist, so I better stick to what I know. I am the queen of sarcasm, it suits me and it gets the job done.
Word of advice for any other lost soul who is searching for their soulmate on those apps: when you meet someone, ask them for their ID so you don't have surprises. For example, one guy said he was 51, and then when he accidentally opened his wallet, he was my mom's age and didn't even remember his own birthday. You know, 8 March in the text message was the same as 2 March on the driver's license. It makes you wonder, are you for real, bro?"
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