Blind Justice
An abused wife pushed to her limit.47 total reviews
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hello Ric!
This twisty tale is worthy of a good Alfred Hitchcock Hour episode. As a big fan of all his work, I consider that to be high praise. Overall, I liked the predictable twist followed by the second twist that I never saw coming. (I will not be specific as to not spoil anything for any review readers out there.) That is the way of Hitchcockian foul-play mysteries. You have mimicked that style very well, and, to me at least, it never gets old!
Your protagonist is sympathetic, your antagonist is grossly despicable, and the town-behavior you imply with the pastor and his wife create a sinister backdrop. The touching ending -- never underestimate a lake and mountains to symbolize "peace and quiet!" -- seems at the end of it all not just an escape from the judge and his vile treatment, but also an escape from hell as a very real place!
I had a couple of things I noticed that I will pull out for you. Use the suggestions or not at your descretion:
---"celebration back to a [the] dull lonesomeness of an empty room." -- Maybe "the" instead of "a."
---"and bowed down displaying his graceful nobility" --This was a bit awkward; it seems you might have two verbs bumping up against each other. Okay, I just reread it. Maybe it just needs a comma after "down."
---"Teresa, I'm her only aunt." [Teresa laughed.] Sienna smiled," --This action description of Theresa laughing needs to be pulled out into its own paragraph, with Sierra's dialogue and descriptions sandwiched above and below it. It is confusing as it is now for the reader.
---"around his head at eye[-]level. The pointed tip" --I think this should be a hyphenated compound noun.
---"bear hugs and kisses, [--]on hands, foreheads, cheeks," --This is totally a matter of taste, but I think this would be a great place for an em dash instead of the comma.
Here are some of my favorite instances where you writing sparkles!
---"Blood dripped on her white pearls and soft pink blouse." --Oh, the colors! I see this so clearly!
---"Questionably late, the bumbling force of habitual deadbeat dawdlers never arrived on time for the action or before evidence turned stale." --A beautiful sentence. This also reminds me of Hitchcock, who much more often than not, portrayed law enforcement in this way.
---"Judge William T. Roberts bounced through the early morning courthouse and greeted his male encounters with hearty handshakes, pats on the back, and his phony Duchenne smile." --I can't imagine a better way to intruduce a character. You pack in so much nuance in just a couple dozen words. And I just love "male encounters" as a phrase.
Here is a random thought:
---"He then spent the remainder of the night with his pastor's wife at the Crescent Springs Motel, a dump on the outskirts of town." --It was with this sentence that I began to hate all of these people other than Sierra and her sister.
Your story skills are top-notch, and I thoroughly enjoyed finding out what happened to poor Sierra. I'm glad the end was happy. (As I said, lakes and mountains are awesome for that! And kisses. And revenge.)
Patrick
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2024
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Hello Ric!
This twisty tale is worthy of a good Alfred Hitchcock Hour episode. As a big fan of all his work, I consider that to be high praise. Overall, I liked the predictable twist followed by the second twist that I never saw coming. (I will not be specific as to not spoil anything for any review readers out there.) That is the way of Hitchcockian foul-play mysteries. You have mimicked that style very well, and, to me at least, it never gets old!
Your protagonist is sympathetic, your antagonist is grossly despicable, and the town-behavior you imply with the pastor and his wife create a sinister backdrop. The touching ending -- never underestimate a lake and mountains to symbolize "peace and quiet!" -- seems at the end of it all not just an escape from the judge and his vile treatment, but also an escape from hell as a very real place!
I had a couple of things I noticed that I will pull out for you. Use the suggestions or not at your descretion:
---"celebration back to a [the] dull lonesomeness of an empty room." -- Maybe "the" instead of "a."
---"and bowed down displaying his graceful nobility" --This was a bit awkward; it seems you might have two verbs bumping up against each other. Okay, I just reread it. Maybe it just needs a comma after "down."
---"Teresa, I'm her only aunt." [Teresa laughed.] Sienna smiled," --This action description of Theresa laughing needs to be pulled out into its own paragraph, with Sierra's dialogue and descriptions sandwiched above and below it. It is confusing as it is now for the reader.
---"around his head at eye[-]level. The pointed tip" --I think this should be a hyphenated compound noun.
---"bear hugs and kisses, [--]on hands, foreheads, cheeks," --This is totally a matter of taste, but I think this would be a great place for an em dash instead of the comma.
Here are some of my favorite instances where you writing sparkles!
---"Blood dripped on her white pearls and soft pink blouse." --Oh, the colors! I see this so clearly!
---"Questionably late, the bumbling force of habitual deadbeat dawdlers never arrived on time for the action or before evidence turned stale." --A beautiful sentence. This also reminds me of Hitchcock, who much more often than not, portrayed law enforcement in this way.
---"Judge William T. Roberts bounced through the early morning courthouse and greeted his male encounters with hearty handshakes, pats on the back, and his phony Duchenne smile." --I can't imagine a better way to intruduce a character. You pack in so much nuance in just a couple dozen words. And I just love "male encounters" as a phrase.
Here is a random thought:
---"He then spent the remainder of the night with his pastor's wife at the Crescent Springs Motel, a dump on the outskirts of town." --It was with this sentence that I began to hate all of these people other than Sierra and her sister.
Your story skills are top-notch, and I thoroughly enjoyed finding out what happened to poor Sierra. I'm glad the end was happy. (As I said, lakes and mountains are awesome for that! And kisses. And revenge.)
Patrick
Comment Written 07-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2024
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Thank you so much, Patrick, for your outstanding review and all the time you spent to help an old hack polish his misgivings. I appreciate all the help I can get, and as you can tell, I certainly need plenty. When I came to this site I barely knew a noun from a verb; and honestly, I don't know a lot more now about grammar and sentence structure. I just write what weaves through the catacombs and spider webs deep within my brain. LOL. I can't thank you enough for your awesome review and kindness!
Comment from RJ Fuller
I can't believe I haven't read this before!!! I think this is my favorite of your work so far, Ric! I do love a good twisted (pun totally intended) ending. :) Bravo!
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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I can't believe I haven't read this before!!! I think this is my favorite of your work so far, Ric! I do love a good twisted (pun totally intended) ending. :) Bravo!
Comment Written 18-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Thank you so much, R.J., for your extra special six-star review and kind words. But most of all for going back to read an older story that offers no reward in return. I'm glad you liked it. They say applause is the food for an entertainer, so if that's true, I want to thank you for that steak and taters. Much appreciated!
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Your very welcome, and it's well deserved steak and taters! :)
Comment from Esther Brown
You deserved this. And please, feel free to write as long as you wish. I will always make time to read to the end.
You have knowledge of the cycle of abuse. I have not written that story for the public...yet.
I may. It has been a long time ago.
Quite a few chapters of trying to find love in the wrong places until God asked me "Isn't My Love Enough?" That will be a chapter for sure. Thanks for sharing. Esther
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2024
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You deserved this. And please, feel free to write as long as you wish. I will always make time to read to the end.
You have knowledge of the cycle of abuse. I have not written that story for the public...yet.
I may. It has been a long time ago.
Quite a few chapters of trying to find love in the wrong places until God asked me "Isn't My Love Enough?" That will be a chapter for sure. Thanks for sharing. Esther
Comment Written 10-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2024
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Thank you so much, Esther, for your extra special six-star review and kind words. Sadly, many women, and as hard as it is to believe, some men, are mistreated and abused. And most of them just want to please or be loved. I hate you had to deal with brutes, but I'm glad it was a long time ago, and doesn't seem to have hardened your heart. I can't thank you enough for going back to read my older story that offers nothing in return. Much appreciated!
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I am reading your stuff because I enjoy it not for points. I just posted "Shotgun Wedding"
Comment from Debi Pick Marquette
WOW, this was amazing. I did not see it coming so when it happened it was so wonderful to have a front row seat to the entertaining poetic justice!
I came here looking for a little more about you to write a little something for your birthday first attraction was to find a lovely poem that you wrote of your faith.
I wasn't going to go much farther, but this story drew me in. I am so happy I decided to read it. The suspense of your story was amazing, but the ending was about as good as it gets. Thank you for this wonderful post. It may be five months old, but I am glad that I had the chance to read it. You are awesome, my friend.
Thanks so much for the honor!! Debi
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2024
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WOW, this was amazing. I did not see it coming so when it happened it was so wonderful to have a front row seat to the entertaining poetic justice!
I came here looking for a little more about you to write a little something for your birthday first attraction was to find a lovely poem that you wrote of your faith.
I wasn't going to go much farther, but this story drew me in. I am so happy I decided to read it. The suspense of your story was amazing, but the ending was about as good as it gets. Thank you for this wonderful post. It may be five months old, but I am glad that I had the chance to read it. You are awesome, my friend.
Thanks so much for the honor!! Debi
Comment Written 15-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2024
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Thank you so much, Debi, for taking time out to read my foolishness, which I'm sure is way outside your preferred list of reading. I can't thank you enough for your generous review, encouragement, and kind words. If it weren't for reviews like this, I would have given up writing a long time ago. Very much appreciated!
Comment from 11:17
Oh, wow! I thoroughly enjoyed this story. The twist at the end was delicious! It was refreshing to read a story revolving around bad behavior and domestic abuse that ended with the freedom and cleverness of the abused. Call me vindictive, but I love to see the evil ones pay for their crimes. You are a very talented writer.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2024
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Oh, wow! I thoroughly enjoyed this story. The twist at the end was delicious! It was refreshing to read a story revolving around bad behavior and domestic abuse that ended with the freedom and cleverness of the abused. Call me vindictive, but I love to see the evil ones pay for their crimes. You are a very talented writer.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2024
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Thank you so much, 11:17, for another unexpected read of a story that doesn't offer any reward other than just the words and story. I'm so glad you liked my story. I like to think the abused and mistreated can win sometimes. I appreciate your time and encouragement, and I look forward to reading more of our writing. But I wish I had a name to call you other than 11:17. :-)Much appreciated!
Comment from Lisasview
Hi Ric,
I find it so very interesting that you wrote a story about abuse...with the similar feelings as mine...Although of course mine is not developed...yet..
I got a bit confused when you spoke of earlier of her stepfather and then switched to her father???
Good for you for winning Story of the month.
All my best,
Lisa
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024
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Hi Ric,
I find it so very interesting that you wrote a story about abuse...with the similar feelings as mine...Although of course mine is not developed...yet..
I got a bit confused when you spoke of earlier of her stepfather and then switched to her father???
Good for you for winning Story of the month.
All my best,
Lisa
Comment Written 24-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much, Lisa, for going back to read one of my older stories.
Our shared feelings about abuse, and connection to the Hollywood sign jostles a sort of kindred spirit. I apologize if I confused you. Early on I spoke of her stepfather's hands smothering her, a tragic event from her childhood. But I don't know of anywhere I speak of her father. The abusive judge is her husband. I guess I need to go back and read my own story to find an answer. LOL. I appreciate your generous review, kind words, and most of all your time. Thanks again.
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I meant stepfather?
So at first I thought it was her stepfather.
I know in your head that she had already been sbused.
But there was not enough info. And no bridge.
Choosing the same type of man, etc.
I do think your story is excellent?
I am trying to take my 500 words and add 1,500 more for the First Chapter
Not easy
The story is about the holocaust.
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You have a wonderful way with words, so I'll be looking forward to reading your new story. Have a wonderful rest of your week!
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Thank you,
I am feeling a bit nervous about getting this completed before the contest which I believe begins in 5 days...
I wish I had someone close by to edit...
Ah well,
Lisa
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Forgot to say how kind it is of you to say that I have a wonderful way with words..
Shall we be Fan?
Lisa
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In what little of yours that I've read, I'm already sure you'll catch the nits without someone to edit. Drop me a line when you post. :-)
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So kind of you Ric..
If we are Fans you should see in in you messages...
Comment from JT traveller
Fantastic. Great imagery. Congratulations on winning story of the month. Your descriptions are both vivid and detailed. A truly appealing write. Jacqueline
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2023
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Fantastic. Great imagery. Congratulations on winning story of the month. Your descriptions are both vivid and detailed. A truly appealing write. Jacqueline
Comment Written 11-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much, Jacqueline. I appreciate your generous review and kind words, and most of all that, you took time to read a story that offers no Fan dollars in return. I'm glad you liked it. Much appreciated!
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My pleasure. I'm here to learn. I like to read well written stories and poems. J
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2023
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 A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review. |
Comment Written 07-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2023
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I'm honored for such and encouraging seven-star recognition! Ric
Comment from Ginda Simpson
There is nothing like sweet revenge. Your build-up is slow but well-paced, drawing us into the story and giving us reason to dislike the judge and his evil intentions. The twist at the end is perfect.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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There is nothing like sweet revenge. Your build-up is slow but well-paced, drawing us into the story and giving us reason to dislike the judge and his evil intentions. The twist at the end is perfect.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much, Ginda, for your generous review and kind words. Yes the build-up is intentionally slow, hoping it enhances the distaste for the judge, and the slightly disguised punch. I'm glad you liked the ending. Your comments and taking time to read are greatly appreciated!
Comment from Begin Again
Hello, my dear friend. It's been a very long time, but I was rewarded by discovering your story up for vote. Of course, as usual, you draw the reader in, traumatize, and then leave a bit of sugar at the end. Awesome!
What a fantastic bit of enjoyment for my morning. I hope you are doing fine. Thanks for sharing this captivating story. Smiles and hugs, Carol
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2023
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Hello, my dear friend. It's been a very long time, but I was rewarded by discovering your story up for vote. Of course, as usual, you draw the reader in, traumatize, and then leave a bit of sugar at the end. Awesome!
What a fantastic bit of enjoyment for my morning. I hope you are doing fine. Thanks for sharing this captivating story. Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment Written 03-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2023
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Hello, Carol, my sweet, always missed friend. It's so glad to see your name and face pop up on my screen, as always. I've thought about you often, just didn't want to be a pest by sending messages. Good to see you back. Thank you so much for the encouraging and generous review. You always make me smile!