Paranoia
A woman is wary of a stranger on the subway.30 total reviews
Comment from Dru Koyote
redrider6612,
I loved the story. It was so well written that I forgot I was reading. I would say your first venture into flash fiction was a successful one.
I have no suggestions for revisions.
Dru Koyote
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2008
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redrider6612,
I loved the story. It was so well written that I forgot I was reading. I would say your first venture into flash fiction was a successful one.
I have no suggestions for revisions.
Dru Koyote
Comment Written 07-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2008
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Thank you, dru. I appreciate the great review.
Comment from Honus X Heppablatte
These thin-lipped words come across as an introverted stab at the faceless world .A call to arms for the decent folk who hide in fear and let evil rule with an iron fist. There are great doses of love here, this is manufactured genteelly by a caring writer who knows the craft and let nothing put asunder the work that falls wonderfully from those gifted hands .A heady mead for the slack jawed few that overlook the nuggets.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2008
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These thin-lipped words come across as an introverted stab at the faceless world .A call to arms for the decent folk who hide in fear and let evil rule with an iron fist. There are great doses of love here, this is manufactured genteelly by a caring writer who knows the craft and let nothing put asunder the work that falls wonderfully from those gifted hands .A heady mead for the slack jawed few that overlook the nuggets.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2008
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Wow, that has to be the deepest review I've ever received! Thank you very much for the generous rating.
Comment from Paradox Tremors
Think you did pretty good with the limitation and all. A well written story with a nice even pace--and man, how you pulled off the "nephew" learning Jean's name and address from her magazine.
Enjoyed it and good luck on the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2008
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Think you did pretty good with the limitation and all. A well written story with a nice even pace--and man, how you pulled off the "nephew" learning Jean's name and address from her magazine.
Enjoyed it and good luck on the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2008
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Thanks, pt, I appreciate the great review.
Comment from venusanblue
An excellent story. I guess this happens. How creepy. Nope I'm not going on a subway car alone. An open ending leaves us to our own imaginations. Lovedit, V,xxx
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2008
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An excellent story. I guess this happens. How creepy. Nope I'm not going on a subway car alone. An open ending leaves us to our own imaginations. Lovedit, V,xxx
Comment Written 05-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2008
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thanks, v, glad you liked it
Comment from Nicky B
Well I have to admit that you had me in at the beginning and then I thought it took a turn for the worst and was going to petter out into a twee bit of fluff. But after easily ducking your right hook, suddenly you did me in with a very sneaky uppercut that left my mind flat out on the canvas. Well done. Nick.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2008
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Well I have to admit that you had me in at the beginning and then I thought it took a turn for the worst and was going to petter out into a twee bit of fluff. But after easily ducking your right hook, suddenly you did me in with a very sneaky uppercut that left my mind flat out on the canvas. Well done. Nick.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2008
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Thank you very much. I'm glad to hear it didn't 'peter out'. And I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from shadow_wolf319
Oh, boy!! This is fantastic. Good story, easy to read, great narrative, and you have the scare factor going. Jenna wants to believe that he's harmless even though her instincts tell her differently. Great story!
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2008
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Oh, boy!! This is fantastic. Good story, easy to read, great narrative, and you have the scare factor going. Jenna wants to believe that he's harmless even though her instincts tell her differently. Great story!
Comment Written 03-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2008
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Thank you very much. I'm still finding my way in this genre, so it's nice to know that I am making progress. I appreciate the great review.
Comment from schiestyboy
An excellent write! I enjoyed the plot twist and the ending left much to the reader's imagination, it's open to interpretation. Who knows how sick the mugger may have really been? I think this is a great entry, no suggestions for change, best of luck to you :)
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2008
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An excellent write! I enjoyed the plot twist and the ending left much to the reader's imagination, it's open to interpretation. Who knows how sick the mugger may have really been? I think this is a great entry, no suggestions for change, best of luck to you :)
Comment Written 02-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2008
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Thank you for the kind words and the generous stars.
Comment from RenieReader
Great job especially for a first try at flash fiction. I don't know how you do it. I'm too verbose. I loved the surprise ending. It was perfect. I was as relieved as Jenna was when he wasn't a robber. See how gullible I am?
Good luck,
Renie
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2008
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Great job especially for a first try at flash fiction. I don't know how you do it. I'm too verbose. I loved the surprise ending. It was perfect. I was as relieved as Jenna was when he wasn't a robber. See how gullible I am?
Good luck,
Renie
Comment Written 02-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2008
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Thank you. I'm too gullible too.
Comment from cassie99
You did an excellent job of writing a very frightening and creepy story. You lulled me into a false sense of security as you intended. Wonderful. You should do well in the contest. Chris
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2008
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You did an excellent job of writing a very frightening and creepy story. You lulled me into a false sense of security as you intended. Wonderful. You should do well in the contest. Chris
Comment Written 01-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2008
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Thank you for the great review and the encouraging words.
Comment from Live2Write
Eeeeyikes! And here I was suspecting the woman next to her of some evil plot. This is a very good piece of writing. Very scary. I often wonder if I'm being rude when I give somebody the cold shoulder but...judging from this story and other, truer tales, it just affirms my belief that you can never be too careful. Well done!
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2008
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Eeeeyikes! And here I was suspecting the woman next to her of some evil plot. This is a very good piece of writing. Very scary. I often wonder if I'm being rude when I give somebody the cold shoulder but...judging from this story and other, truer tales, it just affirms my belief that you can never be too careful. Well done!
Comment Written 01-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2008
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thank you for the great review, live...I'm still finding my way writing suspense...not my usual genre...it's nice to know I succeeded in scaring someone