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In the dark of night.36 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Oh goodness, that is creepy! As soon as the flowers withered and fell, you had me, Gretchen! Your dialogue is always so on point and, in little time here, you're able to create that chilling atmosphere. Small edits: first sentence-'Like' a thousand ragged fingernails; 6th line from the bottom - the devil wasn't bring(ing). Another excellent one with fitting ending! Debbie
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
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Oh goodness, that is creepy! As soon as the flowers withered and fell, you had me, Gretchen! Your dialogue is always so on point and, in little time here, you're able to create that chilling atmosphere. Small edits: first sentence-'Like' a thousand ragged fingernails; 6th line from the bottom - the devil wasn't bring(ing). Another excellent one with fitting ending! Debbie
Comment Written 08-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
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Thanks, Debbie. I'm thrilled you liked this. Thanks for catching those spags. Gretchen
Comment from Sanku
You succeeded to keep the creep factor intact. Well written ,maintaining the spooky atmosphere right through .It is a food for thought never make a pact with the devil...
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
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You succeeded to keep the creep factor intact. Well written ,maintaining the spooky atmosphere right through .It is a food for thought never make a pact with the devil...
Comment Written 08-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
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Probably not a great idea to even talk to a being that can wilt flowers just by the wave of his hand. Lol. Thanks so much for this. Gretchen
Comment from Pantygynt
Pacts with the devil always come with tangled strings attached. History is full of tales of his trickery from poor old Doctor Faustus to the wife of Usher's Well. Only one human ever got the better of him and that was the feathery wife. I am sure you know of her
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
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Pacts with the devil always come with tangled strings attached. History is full of tales of his trickery from poor old Doctor Faustus to the wife of Usher's Well. Only one human ever got the better of him and that was the feathery wife. I am sure you know of her
Comment Written 08-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
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Messing with the devil is a dumb thing to do. I'm not aware of the feathery wife but now I'm intrigued. Thank you for this. Gretchen
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Google has numerous references to The Devil and the Feathery Wife and you can listen to Martin Cathy sing it as well. The story is how a woman outwits the cunning of the devil and saves her husband from hell.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nicely written.
"Come to Mummy," the creature outside the window cried. Her fingers tapped at the windows. "Mummy longs to hold you." - Maybe a little more here. A little 'Stephen King' emotional soul-gripping.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
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Nicely written.
"Come to Mummy," the creature outside the window cried. Her fingers tapped at the windows. "Mummy longs to hold you." - Maybe a little more here. A little 'Stephen King' emotional soul-gripping.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
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Thanks very much, Wayne for this awesome review. I will revisit with your suggestions in mind. Gretchen
Comment from JSD
Lovely and creepy. The scratching works really well, and I love the oily slick that turns into a black snake. Excellent. Still don't want to acknowledge we are near October, but thank you for writing such an atmospheric piece. Shiver down the spine on the last line.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
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Lovely and creepy. The scratching works really well, and I love the oily slick that turns into a black snake. Excellent. Still don't want to acknowledge we are near October, but thank you for writing such an atmospheric piece. Shiver down the spine on the last line.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
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Thank you so much. It's always October in my head. Lol. I'm glad you enjoyed this. Gretchen
Comment from damommy
I'd say you accomplished the creep factor. He should have known he couldn't trust the devil to keep his word. The mother certainly sounds scary, and he has no choice but to go to her. Eeeek.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
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I'd say you accomplished the creep factor. He should have known he couldn't trust the devil to keep his word. The mother certainly sounds scary, and he has no choice but to go to her. Eeeek.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
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Thanks very much. I'm glad you enjoyed this. I appreciate your kind review. Gretchen
Comment from Wendy G
You succeeded. A hundred percent successful, as I even have goosebumps. He should have known there would be a horrid twist to any deal with the devil. Poor boy. Well written!
Wendy
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
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You succeeded. A hundred percent successful, as I even have goosebumps. He should have known there would be a horrid twist to any deal with the devil. Poor boy. Well written!
Wendy
Comment Written 07-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
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It's that old cliché, be careful what you wish for. Thank you for this excellent review. Gretchen
Comment from Mike Grimes
Creep factor achieved! I was racing through it with anticipation, and I wanted more when it was done, but it didn't need more. I loved the brogue of the devil, and how you were able to create a detailed setting in my mind with just a few words. Classic creepy campfire stuff, I might bust it out next time I'm around one! Well done!
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
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Creep factor achieved! I was racing through it with anticipation, and I wanted more when it was done, but it didn't need more. I loved the brogue of the devil, and how you were able to create a detailed setting in my mind with just a few words. Classic creepy campfire stuff, I might bust it out next time I'm around one! Well done!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
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That would be an honor to have one of my stories used at a campfire. Lol. Thank you for this and the excellent rating. Much appreciated. Gretchen
Comment from jim vecchio
A great attempt at a short story. This is YOUR story, not mine. One thing i might revise, were it mine, is the part where the boy thinks about his parents returning in the casket. Rather than saying it outright, maybe some suspenseful questioning of himself, like "Will the devil keep his word?", "Will they return, as i saw them, in their caskets?", "Mom, dad, please forgive me!"
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
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A great attempt at a short story. This is YOUR story, not mine. One thing i might revise, were it mine, is the part where the boy thinks about his parents returning in the casket. Rather than saying it outright, maybe some suspenseful questioning of himself, like "Will the devil keep his word?", "Will they return, as i saw them, in their caskets?", "Mom, dad, please forgive me!"
Comment Written 07-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023
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Great suggestions. I might go back and revisit this one. Your review is very appreciated. Gretchen
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I get some ideas sometimes but by the time they get written, they are full of typos!
Comment from MelReyn
Always a twist with those deals. Never turns out to be what was expected. That old devil never plays fair. The picture you chose... Ew... creepy! And the thousand fingernails picture you put in my mind? Thank you for that. I feel so bad for the boy! He didn't even get a 10 year contract out of the deal.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2013
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Always a twist with those deals. Never turns out to be what was expected. That old devil never plays fair. The picture you chose... Ew... creepy! And the thousand fingernails picture you put in my mind? Thank you for that. I feel so bad for the boy! He didn't even get a 10 year contract out of the deal.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2013
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Sleep well, and ignore those fingernails scratching. Thanks for the fun review. Gretchen