The Halloween Visitor
A visit on Halloween50 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
Lots of great detail going into this ghost story. I guess I didn't see the need of the phone ringing, unless it was a sign of ghostly activity. The entire scene seemed very laid back, as the sight of a skeletal man May jar most people to their souls. It all played out and we're left with a fun romp through the haunting of Teddy Doodlewanger V.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Lots of great detail going into this ghost story. I guess I didn't see the need of the phone ringing, unless it was a sign of ghostly activity. The entire scene seemed very laid back, as the sight of a skeletal man May jar most people to their souls. It all played out and we're left with a fun romp through the haunting of Teddy Doodlewanger V.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much, Bill, for finding time to read my sick little story. Your kind words, comments, and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from TheNecklace
VERY descriptive! I could visualize, hear and clearly imagine the rank odor of this creepy visitor. I just didn't understand why someone who lived in a rural area and had a security lock on the door would flip it open and welcome a stranger with a "hearty welcome." I also thought that the person in the house might be a female since she (who turned out to be a "he") was in the kitchen, apparently washing dishes. (Not saying that men don't do dishes.)
The headline on the paper and describing it didn't add anything. I would have thought that the person who experienced the creepy visitor would have instantly lit upon the photo of Theodore Doodlewanger the minute the paper was opened to the front page, and I don't understand why or how the person in the house has the same name or what it means.
I DID, however, like the very detailed description of the visitor, as I mentioned above. It gave me a hideous vision and made me shiver. Eeek! I sure wouldn't like to meet this hideous and stinky character!
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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VERY descriptive! I could visualize, hear and clearly imagine the rank odor of this creepy visitor. I just didn't understand why someone who lived in a rural area and had a security lock on the door would flip it open and welcome a stranger with a "hearty welcome." I also thought that the person in the house might be a female since she (who turned out to be a "he") was in the kitchen, apparently washing dishes. (Not saying that men don't do dishes.)
The headline on the paper and describing it didn't add anything. I would have thought that the person who experienced the creepy visitor would have instantly lit upon the photo of Theodore Doodlewanger the minute the paper was opened to the front page, and I don't understand why or how the person in the house has the same name or what it means.
I DID, however, like the very detailed description of the visitor, as I mentioned above. It gave me a hideous vision and made me shiver. Eeek! I sure wouldn't like to meet this hideous and stinky character!
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Well, lets see. Maybe I can clarify a few things for you. Just because they have security locks, most country people are friendly and do open doors for strangers. Men do wash dishes, especially those that live alone. The headline told what happened on that day in 1886, I think it was. Theodore Doodlewanger was the first, and the other Doodlewanger was the fifth (V), and old relative who was brutally murders 119 year before, on Halloween night in 1886. He came back to his old home site, and will again, on the next Halloween. Thanks for reading and I hope this helps you to enjoy the story.
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Yes, it does. Thank you. And, yes, I do know that men do dishes, but it's most often women who do them, which is why I thought a woman was answering the door at first. When I re-read it, I realized it was a man, which changed things. Maybe you could just clarify that at the beginning?
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Ric Myworld
I read you creepy Halloween story a couple of times and I noticed no nits in grammar etc.
I must say I was in suspense and fear who your very stranger visitor was.
Gert
ric Myworld
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Hello Ric Myworld
I read you creepy Halloween story a couple of times and I noticed no nits in grammar etc.
I must say I was in suspense and fear who your very stranger visitor was.
Gert
ric Myworld
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much, Gert, for finding time to read my sick little story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. Hope you had a Happy Halloween. :-)
Comment from ravenblack
Very chilling descriptions of your visitor, Mr.Doodlewanger. and being his descendent, it looks like there will be more visitations to come. For that breath that smells like rancid cow guts- have some breath mints to drop in his treat bag. Seriously, a great Halloween story. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Very chilling descriptions of your visitor, Mr.Doodlewanger. and being his descendent, it looks like there will be more visitations to come. For that breath that smells like rancid cow guts- have some breath mints to drop in his treat bag. Seriously, a great Halloween story. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much, Ravenblack, for finding time to read my sick little story. Your kind words, comments, and generous review are greatly appreciated. Hope you had a Happy Halloween. :-)
Comment from humpwhistle
Good Halloween story, Ric, with a very adept historic
twist. What if the old-timer quoted a line from Lazarus' poem? Maybe you can connect the two events?
Just a thought.
Peace, Lee
All I could think was why in the heck I hadn't had that damn thing turned off.--Italics indicates 'thought'. So, in the interest of Flash Economy, you could eliminate 'All I could think was'.
It left me wondering if he might be hard of hearing.--same comment. No need to mention 'wondering'.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Good Halloween story, Ric, with a very adept historic
twist. What if the old-timer quoted a line from Lazarus' poem? Maybe you can connect the two events?
Just a thought.
Peace, Lee
All I could think was why in the heck I hadn't had that damn thing turned off.--Italics indicates 'thought'. So, in the interest of Flash Economy, you could eliminate 'All I could think was'.
It left me wondering if he might be hard of hearing.--same comment. No need to mention 'wondering'.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much, Lee, for finding time to read my sick little story. Yes, linking the two would definitely improve the story. Your comments, suggestions, and generous review are greatly appreciated. Hope you had a Happy Halloween. :-)
Comment from Millibrad
Very nicely done. I enjoyed this one. I wonder though since you are the fifth T.J. Doodlewanger, what experiences might the other T. J.'s have had and why no ghostly rumors ever reached you? Also, I think maybe you should arrange not to spend future Halloweens alone.
Until next year then.
M
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Very nicely done. I enjoyed this one. I wonder though since you are the fifth T.J. Doodlewanger, what experiences might the other T. J.'s have had and why no ghostly rumors ever reached you? Also, I think maybe you should arrange not to spend future Halloweens alone.
Until next year then.
M
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much, Millibrad, for finding time to read my sick little story. Your kind words, comments, and generous review are greatly appreciated. Hope you had a Happy Halloween. :-)
Comment from ellie6
A suitably creepy tale for Halloween. I reckon you will be safe until next Halloween, but don't forget tp keep looking over your shoulder,.. MMWaaaaahhhhh.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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A suitably creepy tale for Halloween. I reckon you will be safe until next Halloween, but don't forget tp keep looking over your shoulder,.. MMWaaaaahhhhh.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Thanks so much, Ellie6, for finding time to read my sick little story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. Hope you had a Happy Halloween. :-)
Comment from SarJ93
The imagery in this is really impressive. The whole story created a very unsettling atmosphere. The only thing is that I was a little confused about the newspaper. Was the newspaper the one from 119 years ago or was it from the modern day, recalling the event.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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The imagery in this is really impressive. The whole story created a very unsettling atmosphere. The only thing is that I was a little confused about the newspaper. Was the newspaper the one from 119 years ago or was it from the modern day, recalling the event.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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The newspaper was modern day, just running the story from the same date in 1886 on the Statue of Liberty, the article on the old man was also just included on the same page because it was from a local story the same year on that Halloween. I always leave things untold so that readers will think for themselves. Otherwise, we tend to over explain, and keep our stories from challenging the reader while trying to keep the wording simple. Thanks for reading my story and your comments.
Comment from Dawn Munro
"It left me wondering if he might be..." << this is in italics, but I can't see why, and it's my only nit in a very well done, creepy story - your description of the visitor is making the acid rise from MY stomach, and THAT description was too vivid too. (LOL).
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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"It left me wondering if he might be..." << this is in italics, but I can't see why, and it's my only nit in a very well done, creepy story - your description of the visitor is making the acid rise from MY stomach, and THAT description was too vivid too. (LOL).
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Yes, creepy and sickening, and intentionally too vivid. Sometimes I just like to be goofy or play with readers. I mean, the old man was so ripe that his putrid stench caused a greasy film on my teeth as I was writing it. LOL. Sorry, I couldn't help myself. I also have a tendency to add something silly or add some humor that usually distracts from my stories intensity (not advised), like the character's name: Theodore J. Doodlewanger. Thank you so much for finding time to read my sick little story. Your kind words, comments, and generous review are greatly appreciated. Hope you had a Happy Halloween. :-)
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You're welcome. :)
Comment from Eric1
Hi Ric, well what a Master of the macabre you have suddenly become, I thoroughly enjoyed this brilliant Halloween story and the fantastic ending, beautifully written with great use of horrid description that would make Dean proud my friend.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Hi Ric, well what a Master of the macabre you have suddenly become, I thoroughly enjoyed this brilliant Halloween story and the fantastic ending, beautifully written with great use of horrid description that would make Dean proud my friend.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much, Eric1, my friend, for finding time to read my sick little story. Yours and Dean's kind words, comments, and generous reviews are always greatly appreciated, but none more than for this goofing-off piece. :-)
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You are most welcome my friend.