The Trining
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "THE PROPOSAL"A man must discover his identity and destiny.
32 total reviews
Comment from Loren (7)
A lot to take in and digest, but you've stayed on course with story and character development. I liked the blending of the past: When word came to Glnot Rhuether that his troops had captured Nimnz, they were told to bring his head to him on the end of a stake. He wanted his people to know in an immediate and real way what his power was." In that it brought to mind, things never do change when it comes to showing one's power.
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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A lot to take in and digest, but you've stayed on course with story and character development. I liked the blending of the past: When word came to Glnot Rhuether that his troops had captured Nimnz, they were told to bring his head to him on the end of a stake. He wanted his people to know in an immediate and real way what his power was." In that it brought to mind, things never do change when it comes to showing one's power.
Comment Written 08-May-2014
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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Loren, you are so special. Thanks for your wonderful insights.
Comment from Kausar_Javeria
HEllo there~
This was an interesting chapter and thanks a lot for including the character list.. This is very well-written.. and I liked it. God Bless~!
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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HEllo there~
This was an interesting chapter and thanks a lot for including the character list.. This is very well-written.. and I liked it. God Bless~!
Comment Written 08-May-2014
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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God bless you as well. And thanks for stopping by and reading.
Comment from emrpoems
Well written chapter that held my attention throughout
Good use of dialogue
Thanks for the glossary but the writing was too too small had to increase the font on my computer.
Enjoyed the read though
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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Well written chapter that held my attention throughout
Good use of dialogue
Thanks for the glossary but the writing was too too small had to increase the font on my computer.
Enjoyed the read though
Comment Written 08-May-2014
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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Sorry about the font. Will correct for future posts. Hope you come back and visit then!
Comment from c_lucas
Inadvertently you have placed your time period to be similar to Earth's nineteenth century when a wealthy man could hire someone of a lower class to serve instead of his heir. This is very well written.
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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Inadvertently you have placed your time period to be similar to Earth's nineteenth century when a wealthy man could hire someone of a lower class to serve instead of his heir. This is very well written.
Comment Written 08-May-2014
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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Well... inadvertently, huh? LOL. I think the weaponry shown later on will precede that century. I DO appreciate the fact that you are a regular here. Your insight is unsurpassed.
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You're welcome, Jay. Charlie
Comment from dreamin'
Most excellent, Jay! This is getting better and better. I have no edits for you this time. I just enjoyed reading.
Thank you!
Debbie
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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Most excellent, Jay! This is getting better and better. I have no edits for you this time. I just enjoyed reading.
Thank you!
Debbie
Comment Written 08-May-2014
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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Thank you, Debbie, and MANY thanks for the 6-er. I'm so happy to have you aboard regularly.
Comment from GWHARGIS
I do like how Doctrex thinks on his feet. He now has some, if not very much, understanding of the way things are here. I like how he has bonded with this family, exception Kea, and now feels a kinship with them. Great characters whom I hope will be continued in the novel. Great job. Are you sure you've never done sci fi before?
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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I do like how Doctrex thinks on his feet. He now has some, if not very much, understanding of the way things are here. I like how he has bonded with this family, exception Kea, and now feels a kinship with them. Great characters whom I hope will be continued in the novel. Great job. Are you sure you've never done sci fi before?
Comment Written 08-May-2014
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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Never done science fiction (but I thought this was more aligned to fantasy -- who am I to know that, though. As usual, thank you for coming back.
Comment from Auroraboreal800
The primary interest in my reading are the feedback I get in terms of feelings coming from the choice of words in a written piece. Then, I make my decision in get aboard or not. I like this well written chapter Jay, love the dialogues between Klasco and Doctrex, and I'm ready for next chapter...
Great job!
:)
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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The primary interest in my reading are the feedback I get in terms of feelings coming from the choice of words in a written piece. Then, I make my decision in get aboard or not. I like this well written chapter Jay, love the dialogues between Klasco and Doctrex, and I'm ready for next chapter...
Great job!
:)
Comment Written 08-May-2014
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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Hey, I'll take your coming back one chapter at a time. I just appreciate your being aboard! Thanks!
Comment from dmt1967
'I laughed. It was a spontaneous response to the ludicrous, but when I saw his smile turn to a puzzled expression I realized, to him, the question wasn't ludicrous.' I would change one (ludicrous) to (idiotic) very well written chapter thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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'I laughed. It was a spontaneous response to the ludicrous, but when I saw his smile turn to a puzzled expression I realized, to him, the question wasn't ludicrous.' I would change one (ludicrous) to (idiotic) very well written chapter thank you for sharing
Comment Written 08-May-2014
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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Thank you for your close reading. I am saving your suggestion (as I do all) to consider it after the posting drops. That way I don't blank out the screen of someone in process of reading while I am editing. I so much appreciate you!
Comment from jjstar
Thanks so much for the cast of characters and brief summaries. I've been off the site for quite a few months and am just catching up. Pretty well written with some good inner thoughts, body language and good story line. I'm sorry I'm coming in in the middle of the story. Nice originality. If you'd like to do some editing, I'll be more than happy to reread and adjust rating.
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Suggestions (take 'em or leave 'em)
I assumed to ===need a comma after assumed..
Klea's words had put me in a dark mood. I really wanted to be alone for a while, anyway, to sort out my feelings about this intelligent, outspoken young lady. I had spun a tall tale for sure, and I knew while I was creating my yarn that I was passing off my fiction as truth. But it was harmless fun; everyone seemed to enjoy hearing it, even Sarisa--especially Sarisa! Even if Klea had picked up on a serious inconsistency in my story that branded it for what it was, couldn't she still see it as simple entertainment? Why was she so intent on exposing me?===watch out for all the passive verbs...you could easily change this to active verbiage!
EX: Klea's words put me in a dark mood. I spun a tall tale, for sure, and I knew while I created my yarn that I passed of my fiction as truth...like that...
And,===try not to start a sentence with and, but, for, etc..
It was a spontaneous response ===again..passive verb..try..A spontaneous response to the ludicrous, but when I saw...
But, I was still baffled===again..don't start a sentence with but..
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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Thanks so much for the cast of characters and brief summaries. I've been off the site for quite a few months and am just catching up. Pretty well written with some good inner thoughts, body language and good story line. I'm sorry I'm coming in in the middle of the story. Nice originality. If you'd like to do some editing, I'll be more than happy to reread and adjust rating.
************************************************************
Suggestions (take 'em or leave 'em)
I assumed to ===need a comma after assumed..
Klea's words had put me in a dark mood. I really wanted to be alone for a while, anyway, to sort out my feelings about this intelligent, outspoken young lady. I had spun a tall tale for sure, and I knew while I was creating my yarn that I was passing off my fiction as truth. But it was harmless fun; everyone seemed to enjoy hearing it, even Sarisa--especially Sarisa! Even if Klea had picked up on a serious inconsistency in my story that branded it for what it was, couldn't she still see it as simple entertainment? Why was she so intent on exposing me?===watch out for all the passive verbs...you could easily change this to active verbiage!
EX: Klea's words put me in a dark mood. I spun a tall tale, for sure, and I knew while I created my yarn that I passed of my fiction as truth...like that...
And,===try not to start a sentence with and, but, for, etc..
It was a spontaneous response ===again..passive verb..try..A spontaneous response to the ludicrous, but when I saw...
But, I was still baffled===again..don't start a sentence with but..
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-May-2014
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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Thank you, jjstar, for reading and your closeness to detail. As with all suggestions, I wait until the post drops to consider changes. The reason I do this is so my editing won't interupt anyone else in the middle of the chapter. I want you to know, though, that I WILL check them closely.
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I do the same thing. People give me all kinds of revision ideas, but by then I'm on to the next chapter. When I finish it I'll go back and edit..totally with you!
Comment from chasennov
"THE PROPOSAL" I'm just wondering how many D's I am then. This is an excellent chapter to your story which I have read from time to time, and find it still interesting. Well done.
reply by the author on 07-May-2014
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"THE PROPOSAL" I'm just wondering how many D's I am then. This is an excellent chapter to your story which I have read from time to time, and find it still interesting. Well done.
Comment Written 07-May-2014
reply by the author on 07-May-2014
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Thank you for you kind review, my friend. Why not jump aboard? Not always a smooth voyage, but there's plenty of room fore and aft to hang your head over. Odd! Why did I say that?
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You are most welcome. There would naturally be some explanation in that statement.
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You are most welcome. There would naturally be some explanation in that statement.