Tiny Tales of Terror
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "~The Demise of Billy No Pals~"Multi-authored book of flash/micro horror fiction
32 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Wow, it's amazing than you can build up suspense and maintain tension, building to the climactic moment with the creative twist ... and all within 100 words.
Congratulations, Mel.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2015
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Wow, it's amazing than you can build up suspense and maintain tension, building to the climactic moment with the creative twist ... and all within 100 words.
Congratulations, Mel.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2015
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Thank you Jay, praise, coming from your good self. This means a lot to me.
I must admit I do enjoy writing flash fiction, it tightens up the writing. This can only be a bonus to the quality of the work.
Thank you so much for your review, much appreciated.
Mel.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I can see that you have taken lessons from Dean and that he's a very good teacher and your area a very good student. I enjoyed reading. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2015
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I can see that you have taken lessons from Dean and that he's a very good teacher and your area a very good student. I enjoyed reading. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2015
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Hi Barbara, yes Dean is an influence, it cannot be denied. I'm pleased you enjoyed my little horror story.
Thank you so much for your review, much appreciated.
Mel.
Comment from Cindy Warren
I get the feeling it's better the poor fellow didn't sign. Being homeless and dying under a bridge would have been the least of his problems if he had. At least now he's beyond harm.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2015
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I get the feeling it's better the poor fellow didn't sign. Being homeless and dying under a bridge would have been the least of his problems if he had. At least now he's beyond harm.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2015
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Hi Cindy, you have got it right 100%. I'm so pleased you have seen the twist in the plot where losing means he wins.
Thank you so much for your review, much appreciated.
Mel.
Comment from Michaelk
That sounds like an absolutely horrid death.
There's a few things I'm not sure if I understand.
If you have 'possessed' as your heading, does that mean Billy is possessed. If so, why would he need to sign at all?
If he was 'gasping and waiting to sign' wouldn't that mean he was willing to sign? Wouldn't the disembodied voice then try to help him sign? And how does it wave a paper?
Your story was very visceral. I could feel the horror of Bilky, I just needed a little more explanation.
A fine story.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
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That sounds like an absolutely horrid death.
There's a few things I'm not sure if I understand.
If you have 'possessed' as your heading, does that mean Billy is possessed. If so, why would he need to sign at all?
If he was 'gasping and waiting to sign' wouldn't that mean he was willing to sign? Wouldn't the disembodied voice then try to help him sign? And how does it wave a paper?
Your story was very visceral. I could feel the horror of Bilky, I just needed a little more explanation.
A fine story.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
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Hi Michael, If only one mortal is in the story then possessed can only mean for one person, right?
According to folklore you sell your soul for some advantage eg. you may be a successful singer for a year, or perhaps enjoy a lottery win for a year. You sign an agreement in blood.
There is a distinction between being possessed and selling your soul.
Manevolent entites (agents of the devil) cannot ever be anticipated. This is why all advice is to keep away from weegie boards etc.
The reason why the entity didn't help is shown at the end in red. He was amused by the suffering.
How does it wave a paper, well he shoves it up his arse and waggles it. I'm sorry I couldn't resist that.
I agree with you there are areas where you have to let your mind invent one or two details as you read. With only one hundred words and a story to tell, explanations have to be kept to a minimum.
Overall I'm happy with the response so far. I wrote this story and two others, for the Tiny Tales comp. one has been entered. This is my second choice and has turned out better than I expected.
I'm so pleased when I get the bones torn out of the plot, it can only help to improve the writing. So I thank you Michael for taking the time to review my work, it's much appreciated.
:) Mel.
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I agree with you. Writing with a one hundred word limit stretches you right to the edge. It leaves much open to interpretation and imagination.
I guess my imagination wasn't up to the task on this one.
I loved the visceral way you described Billy's fate, I just couldn't put a couple of the puzzle pieces together.
Thank you for straightening it all out for me. I agree, demonic spirits should be avoided at all costs.
Thanks for taking the time to explain. :)
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My pleasure...
Comment from Dawn Munro
Ooooooh! Killed by hearing loss (indirectly) - how very clever! (And his death, so gross!) What was the thing that got him? Why was he vomiting green foam, or was it that thing that was spewing it?
Good luck in the contest. Definitely gruesome, this little tale. :)
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
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Ooooooh! Killed by hearing loss (indirectly) - how very clever! (And his death, so gross!) What was the thing that got him? Why was he vomiting green foam, or was it that thing that was spewing it?
Good luck in the contest. Definitely gruesome, this little tale. :)
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
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Hi Dawn, Billy was possessed by the devil. It was him who made Billy vomit green foam.
It's so nice to have your much appreciated review, thank you.
:) Mel.
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Ooooo, yech! (LOL)
It was my pleasure. *grin*
Comment from chasennov
Chapter 31 of the book Tiny Tales of Terror Horror Micro Flash Fiction "~The Demise of Billy No Pals~" Well, I must admit I read it in no time but, it was a matter of contention for me to see the end so soon, but then again, it was only 100 words.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
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Chapter 31 of the book Tiny Tales of Terror Horror Micro Flash Fiction "~The Demise of Billy No Pals~" Well, I must admit I read it in no time but, it was a matter of contention for me to see the end so soon, but then again, it was only 100 words.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
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Hi chasennov.
I find it a challenge and a good writing exercise to write a story in one hundred words.
Thank you so much for your review, much appreciated.
:) Mel.
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You are most welcome, Mel.
Comment from Lesley Collier
A condensed horror story of a homeless man fighting for his life in a maintenance room on a bridge is threatened for his signature on a piece of paper in order to save his life but as he cries for help and is unable to sign the paper the sea of green water rises over his nose and convulsing he finally dies his hearing aid beyond his reach. A terrifying story, well written with a short message of horror!
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
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A condensed horror story of a homeless man fighting for his life in a maintenance room on a bridge is threatened for his signature on a piece of paper in order to save his life but as he cries for help and is unable to sign the paper the sea of green water rises over his nose and convulsing he finally dies his hearing aid beyond his reach. A terrifying story, well written with a short message of horror!
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
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Hi Lesley. You have got it right, and that little twist in the end is that he was better off dead... 'Beyond all harm.'
Thank you for taking the time to review my work it is greatly appreciated.
:) Mel.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
What a way to meet your demise. Stubborn to the end. This is a good horror tale that is well told. if Dean is involved in this little competition only the very best ones need to be submitted and this would qualify as one of them.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
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What a way to meet your demise. Stubborn to the end. This is a good horror tale that is well told. if Dean is involved in this little competition only the very best ones need to be submitted and this would qualify as one of them.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
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Hi Brett, I wrote three for the competition and this was not my first choice. Being allowed only one entry, I added this one to the series Tiny Tales of Terror instead.
I thank you for your kind review, most appreciated.
:) Mel.
Comment from Eric1
Hi Mel, this is a truly wonderful piece of short story writing my friend, also very clever, the poor chap couldn't see the paper, neither could he hear the offer! Brilliant story and I'll bet Dean was over the moon with it!
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
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Hi Mel, this is a truly wonderful piece of short story writing my friend, also very clever, the poor chap couldn't see the paper, neither could he hear the offer! Brilliant story and I'll bet Dean was over the moon with it!
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
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Hi Eric1, you are most kind. I'm so pleased you understood the clues. The writing of a story with just one hundred words is an interesting challenge. The twist at the end is that he was better of dead... 'beyond all harm.'
I thank you for your thoughtful review, much appreciated.
:) Mel.
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You are welcome my friend so glad I got it right.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Nice one.
Poor old Billy, wanting reprieve but being tormented to the final second, and not able to hear the offer.
Very short, very direct, very good.
GMG
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
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Hi there,
Nice one.
Poor old Billy, wanting reprieve but being tormented to the final second, and not able to hear the offer.
Very short, very direct, very good.
GMG
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
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Hi GMG, I'm pleased that you liked it and able to follow the clues. With just one hundred words this is a useful writing exercise.
I thank you for taking the time to review my work.
:) Mel.