The Halloween Visitor
A visit on Halloween50 total reviews
Comment from Michaelk
You had me. I was right there, gripping my phone with white knuckles as I read this story. And then I read his name...
'Doodlewanger' killed the tension for me. After reading his name, all I could do was laugh. If that's what you were going for was a little humor, great, you nailed it. But this tale was woven so tightly with tension that I think it's a shame to let all that go to waste over a name.
A fantastic story that could be better by changing the name.
In my opinion. :)
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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You had me. I was right there, gripping my phone with white knuckles as I read this story. And then I read his name...
'Doodlewanger' killed the tension for me. After reading his name, all I could do was laugh. If that's what you were going for was a little humor, great, you nailed it. But this tale was woven so tightly with tension that I think it's a shame to let all that go to waste over a name.
A fantastic story that could be better by changing the name.
In my opinion. :)
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Yes, the name is silly and doesn't fit. Of course, that was the intention.I always have to say or do something goofy to keep things from being too intense or to add a touch of humor. Maybe it's a character flaw, but personally, I think we all have a tendency of taking ourselves and everything just a little too seriously. Thanks for finding time to read my story. Your kind words, comments, and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Nothing like a visit from a long ago ancestor on Halloween night. A unique and interesting story you've penned here. Your descriptions are very creative:
"...more ridges than tree bark."
"...buttery-yellow tartar..." (This is the one that earned you the sixer. I exclaimed out loud when I read that one. Totally gross.)
Good job with the foul stomach acid.
This is one of the best Halloween short stories I've read.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Nothing like a visit from a long ago ancestor on Halloween night. A unique and interesting story you've penned here. Your descriptions are very creative:
"...more ridges than tree bark."
"...buttery-yellow tartar..." (This is the one that earned you the sixer. I exclaimed out loud when I read that one. Totally gross.)
Good job with the foul stomach acid.
This is one of the best Halloween short stories I've read.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much for finding time to read my sick little story. Yes, some of the descriptions were so gross that the putrid air put a greasy film on my teeth. LOL. Sorry, just couldn't help myself. I sure appreciated the six-star review, but nothing is better than hearing such kind words and encouraging comments from a fellow writer whose works I so enjoy reading. Hope you enjoyed your Halloween. :-)
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You're welcome. You outdid yourself on this one. Even Dean can't compete with your gross descriptions. LOL
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Just hearing my name used in the same sentence with Dean gives me goosebumps. Maybe I had better close the window. :-)
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Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Comment from gamay
Hi Rick.
This is very nice and scary work.
Its interesting and really enjoyed it much.
Good luck in the contest.
Happy Halloween.
gamay
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Hi Rick.
This is very nice and scary work.
Its interesting and really enjoyed it much.
Good luck in the contest.
Happy Halloween.
gamay
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much, Gamay, for finding time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. Hope you had a Happy Halloween! :-)
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Well written story that depicts the Doodlewanger family history. The dead ancestor simply returns to where he was murdered on Halloween in 1886, and Doodlewanger V's sanity will certainly be tested by what could be annual visits from this character. Held interest throughout. Should also be a good contest entry.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Well written story that depicts the Doodlewanger family history. The dead ancestor simply returns to where he was murdered on Halloween in 1886, and Doodlewanger V's sanity will certainly be tested by what could be annual visits from this character. Held interest throughout. Should also be a good contest entry.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much for finding time to read my sick little story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I usually don't do many contests, but entering and winning two this week, I thought it might be pushing my luck to enter the third. Besides, votes aren't nearly as fun as getting encouraging comments and reviews from you fellow writers. Hope you had a Happy Halloween. :-)
Comment from Robert Louis Fox
Good use of a complication as the hook.
The descriptions appeal to all the senses. Visceral.
Nice juxtaposition of calm and fear.
Interesting surprise ending.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Good use of a complication as the hook.
The descriptions appeal to all the senses. Visceral.
Nice juxtaposition of calm and fear.
Interesting surprise ending.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much, Bob Fox, for finding time to read my sick little story. Your kind words, comments, and generous review are greatly appreciated. Hope you had a Happy Halloween. :-)
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Rik,
Some great tension evoked in the piece along with a sense of eeriness and fear.
For me I think this would have worked better without the statue of liberty piece as it served no real purpose to the tale other than leading to the picture of the narrator's ancestor.
Why would the local paper choose to re-print the murder from 119 years previously? This part just didn't ring true for me within the context of the piece.
Great descriptiveness in the piece but some didn't add up to a cohesive picture. Tissue-thin skin coupled with a face that looked like cracked stone with rough, deep ridges like tree bark seems inconsistent describing. to me they don't fit together.
Oddly, no sooner had he appeared, than while making facial expressions of a crying child - this sentence reads very awkwardly. Perhaps there is a misspelt word or some missing?
grabbed a couple chocolate-covered cupcakes - grabbed a couple of chocolate-covered cupcakes
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Hi Rik,
Some great tension evoked in the piece along with a sense of eeriness and fear.
For me I think this would have worked better without the statue of liberty piece as it served no real purpose to the tale other than leading to the picture of the narrator's ancestor.
Why would the local paper choose to re-print the murder from 119 years previously? This part just didn't ring true for me within the context of the piece.
Great descriptiveness in the piece but some didn't add up to a cohesive picture. Tissue-thin skin coupled with a face that looked like cracked stone with rough, deep ridges like tree bark seems inconsistent describing. to me they don't fit together.
Oddly, no sooner had he appeared, than while making facial expressions of a crying child - this sentence reads very awkwardly. Perhaps there is a misspelt word or some missing?
grabbed a couple chocolate-covered cupcakes - grabbed a couple of chocolate-covered cupcakes
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Different strokes for different folks as they say. Thanks for finding time to read and comment. Hope you'll like my next post better. Hope you had a Happy Halloween.
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is yet another interesting Halloween story that the author has created with this piece of work. This was certainly a spooky visitor to get, but at least he was family LOL.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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This is yet another interesting Halloween story that the author has created with this piece of work. This was certainly a spooky visitor to get, but at least he was family LOL.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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LOL! Great positive attitude that, I'm sure helped if he shared it. Thank you so much, Tomes, for finding time to read my sick little story. Your kind words, comments, and generous review are greatly appreciated. Hope you had a Happy Halloween. :-)
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I did. thanks. I hope you had a good one too.
Comment from nanda kumar
Dear friend,
Really a gripping story line. your description about the stranger was really awesome. you did not miss out even minor details. there is a twist in the climax which was really appealing and scarring leaving the protagonist apprehensive.
Nanda
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Dear friend,
Really a gripping story line. your description about the stranger was really awesome. you did not miss out even minor details. there is a twist in the climax which was really appealing and scarring leaving the protagonist apprehensive.
Nanda
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much, Nanda, for finding time to read my sick little story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. Hope you had a Happy Halloween. :-)
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This is a great Halloween story. Your descriptive words really add to the flavor of the work. You give the reader a clear picture of this strange apparition. Your story is well developed and full of intrigue. The ending was great. It left the door open for more installments of this creepy character.
Good job and thanks for sharing a creepy, but good, story on this Halloween night.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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This is a great Halloween story. Your descriptive words really add to the flavor of the work. You give the reader a clear picture of this strange apparition. Your story is well developed and full of intrigue. The ending was great. It left the door open for more installments of this creepy character.
Good job and thanks for sharing a creepy, but good, story on this Halloween night.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much, Jannypan, for finding time to read my sick little story. Your kind word, comments, and generous review are greatly appreciated. Hope you had a Happy Halloween. :-)
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
OH wow .
A beginning that had interest and held my attention all the way to the body of the piece.
Explanations and setting the piece up to go many ways.
The conclusion really brought it together and made it a superb piece.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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OH wow .
A beginning that had interest and held my attention all the way to the body of the piece.
Explanations and setting the piece up to go many ways.
The conclusion really brought it together and made it a superb piece.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much, Barb, my friend, for finding time to read my sick little story. Your kind words and generous review are appreciated. Happy Halloween! :-)