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In the dark of night.36 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
The devil grinned and wild flowers around him withered and fell. ... this line, in its simplicity, is very impactful ... gave me the shivers!
Trying the creep factor, my friend?? It worked! A very clever twist re. when he last saw his parents.
It's almost midnight and I'm in a hurry to leave this page!!
Nicely done. Have a super weekend.
xxx
Sonali
Spags:
He had black eyes and coal black eyes,... you've got eyes twice ... did you mean black hair/ears?
He could barely breath(e), the
they were laying in their caskets... prefer 'lying' - but I'm a Brit. dic person - laying is correct in 'American', of course.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2013
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The devil grinned and wild flowers around him withered and fell. ... this line, in its simplicity, is very impactful ... gave me the shivers!
Trying the creep factor, my friend?? It worked! A very clever twist re. when he last saw his parents.
It's almost midnight and I'm in a hurry to leave this page!!
Nicely done. Have a super weekend.
xxx
Sonali
Spags:
He had black eyes and coal black eyes,... you've got eyes twice ... did you mean black hair/ears?
He could barely breath(e), the
they were laying in their caskets... prefer 'lying' - but I'm a Brit. dic person - laying is correct in 'American', of course.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2013
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Thank you for the spag alert. I appreciate your detailed review. Gretchen
Comment from Zinnia48
Well, you certainly creeped me out. That was a totally unexpected twist in the storyline (having them come back in their coffins). What kind of a mine could concieve of doing that to a poor little boy?!
A couple of gentle suggestions: third line--change to "it moved around the house" (better flow).
Fourth line: and an evil chill came with it.
This is great and I look forward to reading more of your work. thanks for letting me throw in my two cents worth. caroline
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2013
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Well, you certainly creeped me out. That was a totally unexpected twist in the storyline (having them come back in their coffins). What kind of a mine could concieve of doing that to a poor little boy?!
A couple of gentle suggestions: third line--change to "it moved around the house" (better flow).
Fourth line: and an evil chill came with it.
This is great and I look forward to reading more of your work. thanks for letting me throw in my two cents worth. caroline
Comment Written 27-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2013
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Thank you for the great review. I took your suggestion about moving around the house, so thank you for that. Gretchen
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Thanks, Gretchen-Looking forward to reading more! Caroline
Comment from Craigitar
This is pretty good--creepy and suspenseful. The reader had to know it wasn't going to end well, dealing with the devil and all. Several corrections: "The scratching started at midnight. (Liked) a thousand ragged fingernails...", and: "He could barely (breath) (breathe), the memory of the past flooding back.", and: "The devil wasn't (bring) (bringing) them back to life..." Good little horror story.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2013
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This is pretty good--creepy and suspenseful. The reader had to know it wasn't going to end well, dealing with the devil and all. Several corrections: "The scratching started at midnight. (Liked) a thousand ragged fingernails...", and: "He could barely (breath) (breathe), the memory of the past flooding back.", and: "The devil wasn't (bring) (bringing) them back to life..." Good little horror story.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2013
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Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from country ranch writer
IS THAT A TYPO IN THE SENTENCE NEAR THE END OF THE PICTURE THAT STARTS WITH HARMLESS ENOUGH, THE ABOUT THE EYES?--------
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This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2013
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IS THAT A TYPO IN THE SENTENCE NEAR THE END OF THE PICTURE THAT STARTS WITH HARMLESS ENOUGH, THE ABOUT THE EYES?--------
--------------------------
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2013
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Yes, it was a typo. Thanks for catching it. Gretchen
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welcome gald I could catch it my friend
Comment from Scott David
I have always enjoyed the 'Devil at the crossroads' concept.
It never pays to make a deal with the man of sin and hellfire.
Enjoyed your story, all we ever really want is to take our pain and make it go away, sometimes it just hurts so bad that we don't think about the consequences of what our decisions could truly mean.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2013
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I have always enjoyed the 'Devil at the crossroads' concept.
It never pays to make a deal with the man of sin and hellfire.
Enjoyed your story, all we ever really want is to take our pain and make it go away, sometimes it just hurts so bad that we don't think about the consequences of what our decisions could truly mean.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2013
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Thank you for the nice review. Gretchen
Comment from mfowler
Love this! I don't even like horror as a genre but I started to read and realised what a good author wrote it. It's amazing how chilling a well paced and beautifully described piece can be, especially one so short. The conversation is the most effective pat of the narrative, but the unresolved possibilities in the end are what makes it a good story.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2013
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Love this! I don't even like horror as a genre but I started to read and realised what a good author wrote it. It's amazing how chilling a well paced and beautifully described piece can be, especially one so short. The conversation is the most effective pat of the narrative, but the unresolved possibilities in the end are what makes it a good story.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2013
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Thank you so much for the stellar rating and the great review. Gretchen