Reviews from

Eavesdroppers Are We All

Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Eavesdroppers Are We All, Sc. 4"
A Reader Caught in the Middle of an Intrigue

20 total reviews 
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You script has a good amount of give and take dialogue designed to help the watcher/reader weigh the character of several people trapped in the cafe. Cornelius is unexpectedly competent in what he says.

 Comment Written 26-Jan-2022


reply by the author on 27-Jan-2022
    Yes, Cornelius has grown a great deal since his elementary school years. I'm glad you enjoyed reading this. Scene five is where it ramps up. I think you'll like it, Carol. Thanks for your loyalty.
Comment from BLACKTITANIUM86
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I like your way of thinking. For, you give just enough away, to make your readers want more. Cause that's what happen here. Nevertheless, this is turning out to be a great book. Keep Writing. And Stay Connected

 Comment Written 26-Jan-2022


reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
    Thank you, my friend. I've been writing too long not to stay at it. But thanks for the encouragement. This play is not getting the following I'd hoped for. It's good to see you each week as support.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I love your word play which is also called a PUn. My favorite. & again:
"you listen to my ideas, and we'll have you rollin' in dough." A mysterious tone develops. There might be piano chords in the background. "His voice strained, his words ... You s-s-should be quiet ...? Your ending will bring the reader back.

 Comment Written 26-Jan-2022


reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
    I knew the fans of Genius in Love would be happy to see Cornelius pipe in, and Jennie pick up the pieces. Jennie was like the cavalry coming over the top of the hill in the old-time westerns I used to love. Thanks for reading.
Comment from Spitfire
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

The fact that this takes place on New Year's Eve must be significant, I hope. I could connect with Piebald's advertisement plan because I remember seeing 'threatening' signs when my parents made the trip from upstate NY to Florida every year.

Excellent portrayal of Cornelius's speech pattern. His wife notes how he looks Piebald right in the eye. (Unusual for autistic people.)
Great character development with Jeanne telling Piebald off.

 Comment Written 26-Jan-2022


reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
    Ahhhhh, thank you so much, Shari for getting into this. Next scene is when it takes off. Hope to see you there.
reply by Spitfire on 26-Jan-2022
    I will, Jay. By the way, I looked up online the cost of assisted living in Bakersville.
    The average price is $3650 a month and that is less than the rate of $4500 in the rest of CA. I suspect both figures are for studio apartments.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
    Thank goodness for Google. Except for the fact that we've all sold a bit of our soul for its advantanges, it's hard to imagine life now without it. I guess I'm woefully out of touch with the cost of living today. My house is paid for, though it's crumbling around me and I haven't the money or energy to do anything about it. I figure it will last another ten years and by then I will be gone or beyond caring here at my desk, with only my head, scrawny shoulders, and my laptop above the rubble. Let's both have a good day today, Shari.
Comment from royowen
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I like the colour you're projecting in your play. It would be interesting how you would go about organising the characters on stage, there's a lot of stuff going on. With the imaginary characters, aside from, but still mingling with the "seen" characters. It would be interesting indeed, well done Jay, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2022


reply by the author on 25-Jan-2022
    Thank you, Roy. There is a lot going on and I don't want to spread it too thin between the characters for each scene in order to project a sort of unity. But that means a lot of people are just sitting there, watching. Thanks, for reading, Roy. It means a lot.
reply by royowen on 25-Jan-2022
    most welcome
Comment from sandramitchell
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I love it that Cornelius and Jennie are back in the story, they are such wonderful characters. I was with Cililla, dancing for joy when Cornee spoke up! What a surprise, and then Jennie stands up for him! Brilliant! They have both come a long way. I'm still working out the others, but this was a great chapter in the story. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2022


reply by the author on 25-Jan-2022
    A lot of people who were around when Genius in Love was posting, were similarly affected by having Cornie speak up, and Jennie protect him. I'm so happy you're onboard. This scene, from the standpoint of readership, was a dud.
Comment from lancellot
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Very interesting. I think Piebald is plenty smart. He had me thinking for a minute or two.

I know this is your style, but I would really think about how detailed you want your directions to be. Also, you writing is strong and your conversational feel is too between your characters, but... there can be too many in a scene. I would keep an eye on that.

 Comment Written 24-Jan-2022


reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
    Thank you, Lance. For your compliments and your advice. I admit I hadn't thought about having too many characters in a scene, as long as two or three predominate. I can't think of any play that has only two characters playing off each other. But you've got me looking now. Your six stars is very flattering, Lance. Thanks!
Comment from amahra
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

There's a lot I like going on here. Cornelius surprised the heck out of me. He's become quite an out spoken and confident young man. I love Jenny's support of her husband. And yaaa! Cililla is back to victory dancing. Have one question, though: I notice both your scripts with Cililla as a character makes both writings supernatural. Yet, you post both as general scripts. If they were novel chapters, they would have to be posted as supernatural. I think I'm using the right word. No big deal, just curios.

 Comment Written 24-Jan-2022


reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
    Interesting thought. This I can see bordering on the supernatural or fantastical, but the other play she was in she was more connected to the mental side of Cornelius, as part of his unconscious mind. Here, once she has her assignment established, she--hell! I don't know what she'll do. I'm in this one scene at a time.
Comment from robyn corum
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Jay,

It's really crazy how much you can pack into a script. There's so much going on here - on the surface and far below it. I do like that you've continued with these same characters and I'm tickled to see that Jennie has married our sweetheart!

Thanks!

 Comment Written 24-Jan-2022


reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
    Awwww, Robin, I'm tickled that you are into this play. I haven't decided yet whether Cornelius and Jennie's backstory will be developed further. So far the characters haven't taken it in that direction.
Comment from tfawcus
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

A fascinating development of characters and interaction between characters. You hold back enough to hold our interest while casting various tidbits abroad to whet our appetites. Cleverly done.

 Comment Written 24-Jan-2022


reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
    Good to have you on board, Tony. This has been slipping and sliding thorough the first 3 scenes, and only now is it finding some traction. Scene 5 starts cranking forward and upward. I think I can ... I think I can... I think ... I'll shut up! LOL, thanks for your kindness and the shiny six stars.