The Sperm Donor, Susan's Story
Part IV, The conclusion.34 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, I only had one six left as I was reading your other two posts, and as good as they were, I'm glad I kept it for this outstanding story that I enjoyed so much. Outstanding! Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Well, I only had one six left as I was reading your other two posts, and as good as they were, I'm glad I kept it for this outstanding story that I enjoyed so much. Outstanding! Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Ric, thank you for six stars!!! I do thank you and Lee and Gareth, because I did pick you all's brain and I did enjoy the result of trying out some fiction. Terry.
Comment from Sallyo
This story is fun with a good twist at the end. The only problem I see with it is that the tense messes up from time to time when the narrative moves into present tense. It's an odd style and an odd structure, but it works...aside from the shifts in the tense.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2022
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This story is fun with a good twist at the end. The only problem I see with it is that the tense messes up from time to time when the narrative moves into present tense. It's an odd style and an odd structure, but it works...aside from the shifts in the tense.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2022
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Sally, thank you for your input. It would be helpful if you could point out where I did that, so I can learn and change it for the current story. Thank you, Terry.
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Hi, Terry...
This part is PAST TENSE
Sam Kenyon considered what Chet Skiles, the lead investigator for the Kenyon Law Firm, just told him concerning his former girlfriend.
THIS SWITCHES TO PRESENT TENSE
Susan is married to her long-time same-sex partner. Added to this news, Susan's son is a perfect DNA match to Sam.
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Got it, thank you.
Comment from Soledadpaz
"We had all of you we required." Best line ever!
"He works for you." Nice twist.
What a great story! Wonderfully entertaining. I did wonder about the Part IV and whether I would be diving into the middle of something, but this works beautifully as a stand-alone story.
Sol
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2022
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"We had all of you we required." Best line ever!
"He works for you." Nice twist.
What a great story! Wonderfully entertaining. I did wonder about the Part IV and whether I would be diving into the middle of something, but this works beautifully as a stand-alone story.
Sol
Comment Written 09-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2022
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Sol, Thank you very much for the six stars!!! I appreciate your review. Terry.
Comment from Thesis
Very nicely done. I enjoyed the way you used humor to slide through what could have been an uncomfortable conversation between the characters. You provided a very good, calculated chronology of the events from the donation through the son's knowledge that he was going to work for his father.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Very nicely done. I enjoyed the way you used humor to slide through what could have been an uncomfortable conversation between the characters. You provided a very good, calculated chronology of the events from the donation through the son's knowledge that he was going to work for his father.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Thesis, thank you for your very kind review, Terry.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Terry, I think you have done very well with this story. It is also very true that once you start writing the story the characters begin to take over and the story soon progresses. That happens to me all the time. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Hi Terry, I think you have done very well with this story. It is also very true that once you start writing the story the characters begin to take over and the story soon progresses. That happens to me all the time. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 07-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Thank you for reviewing. I wish I had your talent to write a novel, but I am encouraged that you enjoyed it. Terry.
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I'm sure you can do it. Try it and see how it goes. For the longest time I only wrote short stories, and then one day I thought it was time to try my hand on a book. Now I'm writing my second one. My advice: go for it.
Comment from Michaela Moore
For your first go at longer fiction, I feel like you did well with your plot. The twist of Chet being yours at the end was fun! And the conversations you have with people in your dialogues are always the best part of your stories. Write on!
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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For your first go at longer fiction, I feel like you did well with your plot. The twist of Chet being yours at the end was fun! And the conversations you have with people in your dialogues are always the best part of your stories. Write on!
Comment Written 07-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Michaela, thank you for your kind review, and just for the record, this story was pure fiction, none of it happened.
Okay, I did have a girlfriend named Linda in college. And yes, I did date a girl named Susan during my law school days...of course I met Leslie after that. But I married Zoe, never knew Gloria, and all the facts were fiction, because everyone was innocent. Terry.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a really sweet story with Sam's story coming back around on him to discover his sperm donation was the man working for him. The best part is that his girlfriend like him so much, she requested his sperm. This should be a great longer short story, the kind some of the top-flight mags used to buy not too many years ago. If I remember the name of one that I used to read their winning story each year, I'll let you know.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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This is a really sweet story with Sam's story coming back around on him to discover his sperm donation was the man working for him. The best part is that his girlfriend like him so much, she requested his sperm. This should be a great longer short story, the kind some of the top-flight mags used to buy not too many years ago. If I remember the name of one that I used to read their winning story each year, I'll let you know.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Carol, thank you very much for the kind review. Terry.
Comment from evilynne
That was a great story, well told, with a great twist at the end. Your author's note about how you put the story together is great. You did a wonderful job! Evi
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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That was a great story, well told, with a great twist at the end. Your author's note about how you put the story together is great. You did a wonderful job! Evi
Comment Written 06-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Evi, Thank you very much, I am delighted you enjoyed it. Terry.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
A twisted but entertaining exchange between Susan and Sam in the Austin Country Club. You devil.
Interesting, Susan turns the table on Sam. She KNOWS he is the donor.
Para 2, 3rd sentence: Remove one space between (and) and (I)
Para 31, 2nd sentence: (crappyola) should be (crapola) Sounds silly but I find no literary reference for "crappyola" but "crapola" is actually defined. It is "nonsense, rubbish." Which seems to fit your story best.
Terrific plot surprise Terry. Chet is Sam's son. Great job. I just spent my last six-stars for this week if I knew I was going to read something this enthralling I would have saved it. I will have to get you later.
Great tale, not that I enjoy the gay part, but the story would not be the same without it.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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A twisted but entertaining exchange between Susan and Sam in the Austin Country Club. You devil.
Interesting, Susan turns the table on Sam. She KNOWS he is the donor.
Para 2, 3rd sentence: Remove one space between (and) and (I)
Para 31, 2nd sentence: (crappyola) should be (crapola) Sounds silly but I find no literary reference for "crappyola" but "crapola" is actually defined. It is "nonsense, rubbish." Which seems to fit your story best.
Terrific plot surprise Terry. Chet is Sam's son. Great job. I just spent my last six-stars for this week if I knew I was going to read something this enthralling I would have saved it. I will have to get you later.
Great tale, not that I enjoy the gay part, but the story would not be the same without it.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Gary, thank you very much, I appreciate your comments. Crappyola is sort of made-up word that is often used down here in Texas. I thought we need a little slang...LOL. As a straight guy, I get it about gay, but I thought it worked with the twist. Terry.
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I guess, on the gay thing. I don't like it but hey, I don't review on opinion, right? Great story though Terry.
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Thanks, Gary, I will be posting and promoting the interview at about Noon central time tomorrow. Terry.
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Great, I have another "What We Say," ready to go on and a "Didn't Know I Was Black" chapter. I will test the power of your interviews. ;))
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Go Get 'em
Comment from lyenochka
I love it!! What a perfect ending. Actually, I was suspecting that the last recipient would already know. That's how the plot goes in these types of stories that the main character (and sometimes the reader) gets a surprise. And the funny part is that Chet already knew. So I guess he knows what he would be getting no need to repeat that. I liked how Susan came right straight to the point!
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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I love it!! What a perfect ending. Actually, I was suspecting that the last recipient would already know. That's how the plot goes in these types of stories that the main character (and sometimes the reader) gets a surprise. And the funny part is that Chet already knew. So I guess he knows what he would be getting no need to repeat that. I liked how Susan came right straight to the point!
Comment Written 06-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Helen, I am delighted you enjoyed it. Thank you for your kind review. Terry.
