The Escape
Contest Entry11 total reviews
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Very nice story. Well written. Good action.
Your heroine is bold and dynamic. I like that you didn't describe her with superlatives. Stereotypical, predictability gets old.
(Nice picture, though)
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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Very nice story. Well written. Good action.
Your heroine is bold and dynamic. I like that you didn't describe her with superlatives. Stereotypical, predictability gets old.
(Nice picture, though)
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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Thank you for the great review,Wayne. I didn't even start writing this until three hours before the deadline so yeah, details of how they looked got a little overlooked. Lol. I appreciate the stars, friend, I'm glad you liked the piece.
Ron
Comment from w.j.debi
These women aren't waiting to be saved. They take matters into their own hands, plan and execute the break from their captors, and are willing to do whatever it takes. Too bad not all the women made it, but they were courageous leaders worthy of the courageous leaders they were married to.
Great follow-up to the poem. I enjoyed the action and the motivations behind them.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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These women aren't waiting to be saved. They take matters into their own hands, plan and execute the break from their captors, and are willing to do whatever it takes. Too bad not all the women made it, but they were courageous leaders worthy of the courageous leaders they were married to.
Great follow-up to the poem. I enjoyed the action and the motivations behind them.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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Hey, Debi, hello. Thank you so much for the fantastic review and giant sixer. Not many folks on here like bloody action pieces, that's for sure. I like writing what I like though so I guess it's their loss. Lol. I knew this one was going be a bit more gory than the first poem but I still went with it. If there's a 3 to this, they better watch out, there's be murdering everywhere. Haha. I really appreciate the gracious stars and review, Debi. Thank you again.
=]
Ron
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I look forward to part three.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
A very interesting story to read. In a person's lifetime, God protect us from these kinds of warriors. The Vikings were among the fiercest warriors of our time. Yet only a select few carried the ultimate weapon of their era. Your story brings us back to this time or era.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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A very interesting story to read. In a person's lifetime, God protect us from these kinds of warriors. The Vikings were among the fiercest warriors of our time. Yet only a select few carried the ultimate weapon of their era. Your story brings us back to this time or era.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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Thank you for the great review and generous stars, Rosemary. Have yourself a wonderful day.
Comment from Wendy G
Plenty of blood and guts, and you gave fair warning of the coming horror and violence. Your story is clear and well written, but the theme is not very enjoyable - although it is realistic! Well done.
Wendy
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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Plenty of blood and guts, and you gave fair warning of the coming horror and violence. Your story is clear and well written, but the theme is not very enjoyable - although it is realistic! Well done.
Wendy
Comment Written 22-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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Lol. Yeah, I'm sure it wasn't very enjoyable. Thank you for the great review and stars, Wendy. Have yourself a wonderful day.
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Ron
Comment from LyndaS
Though very violent, this is a very well written story. You have portrayed the actions of an imprisoned wife of a warrior making her escape in vivid, bloody detail. She kicks ass and takes no prisoners. An enjoyable read! Lynda
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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Though very violent, this is a very well written story. You have portrayed the actions of an imprisoned wife of a warrior making her escape in vivid, bloody detail. She kicks ass and takes no prisoners. An enjoyable read! Lynda
Comment Written 22-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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Thank you for the great review and big sixer, Lynda. Yeah, I knew it was going to be gory and murderous when I started but that's just me. Lol. I love action packed movies and my story writing tends to lean that way most of the time. I know not many people on here appreciate the violence but a few do. I'm glad you liked my little tale of escape, L. Thank you again.
=]
Ron
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
These are rather graphic descriptions as these women warriors conquer the world here and put men in their place and I rather liked the weaker sex having a few wins for a change. A fascinating read, loved it, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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These are rather graphic descriptions as these women warriors conquer the world here and put men in their place and I rather liked the weaker sex having a few wins for a change. A fascinating read, loved it, love Dolly x
Comment Written 22-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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Thank you for the great review and generous stars, Dolly. I really appreciate it. Have a wonderful day.
=]
Ron
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a good description of the actions needed to escape and kill those who dared follow her. She was lucky she pulled off some of her stunts, but then she was a well-trained warrior. She was even more lucky when he husband showed up in time to rescue her.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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This is a good description of the actions needed to escape and kill those who dared follow her. She was lucky she pulled off some of her stunts, but then she was a well-trained warrior. She was even more lucky when he husband showed up in time to rescue her.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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Thank you for the fantastic review, Carol. I really appreciate the generous stars. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have yourself a great day.
=]
Ron
Comment from patcelaw
This is a very interesting an action packed story that you have written. It was fun to listen to. You have written it well you have used good punctuation and it flows very well when it is read
aloud. Patricia.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2023
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This is a very interesting an action packed story that you have written. It was fun to listen to. You have written it well you have used good punctuation and it flows very well when it is read
aloud. Patricia.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2023
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Thank you for the fantastic review, Patricia. I really appreciate the gracious stars. I'm glad you liked the piece.
=]
Ron
Comment from royowen
You are quite the writer Ron. Just loved the expressiveness of this episode, and a great follow up to the poem you wrote, although this is a stand alone, and most enjoyable, the action's descriptive thrust was marvellous, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : Their (w)retched clan silently dies?
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2023
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You are quite the writer Ron. Just loved the expressiveness of this episode, and a great follow up to the poem you wrote, although this is a stand alone, and most enjoyable, the action's descriptive thrust was marvellous, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : Their (w)retched clan silently dies?
Comment Written 22-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2023
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Hey, Roy, hello. Thank you for the fantastic review, my friend. I've been up all night working and tried to write this in the three hours I had before the deadline. I'm surprised there's not a lot more mistakes. Lol. I really appreciate it, Roy. I fixed it. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have yourself a good one.
Ron
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My pleasure Ron, good luck
Comment from Faith Williams
I am so glad you chose to continue the story, and what a continuation it is! I like how you switched to the POV of the captured.
A few suggestions to consider:
'... star filled sky for the night.' I believe star-filled should be hyphenated.
'Our hamlet (was raided) by these savages. Every last man, woman and child (was murdered) except for us four. My husband and his small army of warriors were out earning a bounty when we (were attacked) this morn.' There is passive voice in these sentences, and I suggest switching them around so they're in active voice.
'... their (retched) clan silently died,' I believe you mean 'wretched'.
Oooo... your ending! Does this mean we can expect another installment to the story? Thanks so much for sharing! I really enjoyed reading your continuation.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2023
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I am so glad you chose to continue the story, and what a continuation it is! I like how you switched to the POV of the captured.
A few suggestions to consider:
'... star filled sky for the night.' I believe star-filled should be hyphenated.
'Our hamlet (was raided) by these savages. Every last man, woman and child (was murdered) except for us four. My husband and his small army of warriors were out earning a bounty when we (were attacked) this morn.' There is passive voice in these sentences, and I suggest switching them around so they're in active voice.
'... their (retched) clan silently died,' I believe you mean 'wretched'.
Oooo... your ending! Does this mean we can expect another installment to the story? Thanks so much for sharing! I really enjoyed reading your continuation.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for the great review and for pointing out the goofs, Faith. I fixed what I could. I don't actually know what you mean by the passive and active voice. I've been up all night working and still didn't really have a clue to what I wanted to enter. I was looking for alien warrior pictures when I came across this one and that's when it dawned on me to continue this little tale. I had to crank the whole thing out in three hours so I'm surprised there's not a lot more mistakes. Lol. I really appreciate the stars and pointers. Who knows, there might be more coming in the future. I was debating adding a second part to this because I knew it was going to be quite violent and many folk on here seemingly shun away from that. I'm glad you liked my little extension, Faith. Thank you again.
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Ron
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In passive voice, a person (or persons) is not the one actually performing the action. For example, in the sentence, 'Our hamlet was raided by these savages,' the hamlet wasn't doing the raiding, it was on the receiving end. The easiest way to put this in active voice is to switch the sentence around, 'These savages raided our hamlet.' Since the sentence following is also passive, you could combine the two sentences. 'These savages raided our hamlet murdering every last man, woman, and child except us four.'
Hopefully, that explanation helps.
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Why yes it does. Thank you. I'll fix that here in a few minutes.
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