MADHOUSE
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Sam Hudson"A Day at Sea World
18 total reviews
Comment from sharon fallis
Now this is a great read! But, I still get the idea that Danny is portrayed as younger than he really is. [still thinking of last chapter I read}. Otherwise no spag, and great write. Sharon
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2008
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Now this is a great read! But, I still get the idea that Danny is portrayed as younger than he really is. [still thinking of last chapter I read}. Otherwise no spag, and great write. Sharon
Comment Written 13-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2008
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Oh my, a sixer, Sharon. How wonderful and thank you so much for the great comments.
Thanks again, so nice to see you back!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Sissy
Hey Gayle!
You just KNEW Beth was going to do something stupid like meet up with him. Sheesh! What was she thinking????
Anyhow, very nice chapter here. I'm excited to read the next. I'm glad that Molly has some common sense!
Some stuff to check out:
Beth turned and stared pointedly out the window, refusing to see him. (refusing to 'see' him seemed a bit awkward. Maybe 'acknowlege'?)
He beckoned to her, smiling. She blinked again, but he was still there, beckoning.
away, still beckoning (a lotta 'beckoning' here. Maybe kick one?)
Our friend seems to be gone overly long?" (<--not sure about the question mark here. This part doesn't seem like a question, more of a statement.)
concern narrowing his eyes.
his father, a concerned look on his face
(concern/concerned look - repetitive.)
The cell rang and rang and finally, voice mail
And why is your phone off?"
(When my phone is off, it doesn't ring, it sends the caller directly to voice mail. You might want to check into that?)
Hope this helps!
Sis
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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Hey Gayle!
You just KNEW Beth was going to do something stupid like meet up with him. Sheesh! What was she thinking????
Anyhow, very nice chapter here. I'm excited to read the next. I'm glad that Molly has some common sense!
Some stuff to check out:
Beth turned and stared pointedly out the window, refusing to see him. (refusing to 'see' him seemed a bit awkward. Maybe 'acknowlege'?)
He beckoned to her, smiling. She blinked again, but he was still there, beckoning.
away, still beckoning (a lotta 'beckoning' here. Maybe kick one?)
Our friend seems to be gone overly long?" (<--not sure about the question mark here. This part doesn't seem like a question, more of a statement.)
concern narrowing his eyes.
his father, a concerned look on his face
(concern/concerned look - repetitive.)
The cell rang and rang and finally, voice mail
And why is your phone off?"
(When my phone is off, it doesn't ring, it sends the caller directly to voice mail. You might want to check into that?)
Hope this helps!
Sis
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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Hey Sissy,
As always, your review is outstanding. I went in and made the changes already...I agreed with every single one of them. If you get the chance...
Actually, I just hate it that you're not getting the bucks from starting now, but in many ways, it makes the read better, huh? Soon as I make some money, I'll remedy that.
What a great friend, and thank you so much for your help.
Gayle
Comment from Stephy Jemmisparks
The suspense is building up, and had me hooked . The reactions of the people are so real so candid that it makes the entire story comes alive.
reply by the author on 30-May-2008
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The suspense is building up, and had me hooked . The reactions of the people are so real so candid that it makes the entire story comes alive.
Comment Written 29-May-2008
reply by the author on 30-May-2008
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Hey Stephy,
You went back to the beginning! I'm just thrilled and so glad you like this story.
Thanks for the great comments.
Gayle
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Gayle, I think this is probably the best chapter of your work I've ever read. I've never given away both my sixes on a Sunday but managed to do it today. I really am going to like this book.
reply by the author on 27-May-2008
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Gayle, I think this is probably the best chapter of your work I've ever read. I've never given away both my sixes on a Sunday but managed to do it today. I really am going to like this book.
Comment Written 26-May-2008
reply by the author on 27-May-2008
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Holy Cow! Oh Jan, I'm so thrilled. What a wonderful thing to do. I really appreciate you going back to the beginning like this, and then, to give a sixer! Oh boy!
Does happy dance! Thanks so much, dear friend,
Gayle
Comment from Paradox Tremors
Oh my God! I can't believe Beth would've done that. That SOB has snatched her and is probably long gone by now. I'm jumping over to the next chapter, holding my breath. A real thriller you have going here.
reply by the author on 25-May-2008
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Oh my God! I can't believe Beth would've done that. That SOB has snatched her and is probably long gone by now. I'm jumping over to the next chapter, holding my breath. A real thriller you have going here.
Comment Written 24-May-2008
reply by the author on 25-May-2008
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Hey good Buddy, you did! Back to the beginnning. Wish there were some bucks on there.
Actually, I like to read through, so at least you have that advantage. Thanks so much for the encouragement and the comments! Whee, here we go!!
Gayle
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Dont need "bucks" to read a great story as you are penning.
Comment from TomandOma
Is Sam Hudson really his name? I wouldn't make book on it. And these girls! Rhey can never believe there's danger in being friendly. I suppose they just think parental care has been outgrown and they can handle anything, especially when they've always been protected in a warm family cocoon.
No nits to carp about; just intriguing mystery, well written.
See you next time. Spike
reply by the author on 13-May-2008
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Is Sam Hudson really his name? I wouldn't make book on it. And these girls! Rhey can never believe there's danger in being friendly. I suppose they just think parental care has been outgrown and they can handle anything, especially when they've always been protected in a warm family cocoon.
No nits to carp about; just intriguing mystery, well written.
See you next time. Spike
Comment Written 13-May-2008
reply by the author on 13-May-2008
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Hey Sis, Yes, they believe they're immortal at that age. I think it's the reason they get into so much trouble. They never see what's obviously waiting around the bend. Thanks for the great review! Hugs, Annabelle
Comment from Sylvia Page
Yet another engaging chapter. No SPAGs detected. Cannot wait to read the next chapter. Will read it tomorrow as it is pretty late now.
Wishing you the best,
Sylvia
reply by the author on 13-May-2008
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Yet another engaging chapter. No SPAGs detected. Cannot wait to read the next chapter. Will read it tomorrow as it is pretty late now.
Wishing you the best,
Sylvia
Comment Written 12-May-2008
reply by the author on 13-May-2008
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Hey Sylvia,
Thanks for reading along like this. Gives me a big grin! Thank you!
Gayle
Comment from Ritsal
Man, Sam sure believes in the quick pick-up, doesn't he...hmmm. He's a serial killer, right?
Molly likes muchly? LOL
I already called 911.
Dang, girl. This is good! I'm hooked.
Best wishes,
Rita
reply by the author on 12-May-2008
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Man, Sam sure believes in the quick pick-up, doesn't he...hmmm. He's a serial killer, right?
Molly likes muchly? LOL
I already called 911.
Dang, girl. This is good! I'm hooked.
Best wishes,
Rita
Comment Written 12-May-2008
reply by the author on 12-May-2008
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Hi Rita,
Wow, a sixer. What a deal, I appreciate that.
This is the headline on daily newspapers around the country. Kids just never seem to learn, do they? Even the smart ones.
Time to call in the dogs!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from bookishfabler
Now we're talking. This was a can't put down chapter. Very quick and intense. Great job here. If there were any nits or spags, I missed them. I was to interested in what was happening. Oooohhh! this sounds like it's gonna get good. YOu know me, I love this stuff.
hugs
book
reply by the author on 12-May-2008
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Now we're talking. This was a can't put down chapter. Very quick and intense. Great job here. If there were any nits or spags, I missed them. I was to interested in what was happening. Oooohhh! this sounds like it's gonna get good. YOu know me, I love this stuff.
hugs
book
Comment Written 12-May-2008
reply by the author on 12-May-2008
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Oh, Heidi, you gave me the shivers! I'm having a ball writing this, but it's getting hard to sleep. I keep hearing things..bump..lol!
I've got two moore chapters to post today, and then all the major players will be out on the table.
See you soon and thanks!
Gayle
Comment from Norbanus
Oh, my! Beth has done it, now. I'll bet she knows better the next time. Wayne's already touched all the bases.
You've gotta have action stirring up here!
reply by the author on 12-May-2008
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Oh, my! Beth has done it, now. I'll bet she knows better the next time. Wayne's already touched all the bases.
You've gotta have action stirring up here!
Comment Written 12-May-2008
reply by the author on 12-May-2008
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Hey Freddie,
Yep, we're in it up to our ears this time. I'm just hoping I can keep the momentum going. So far, it's moving along at a good clip. Now, I just have to bring in the remaining characters! LOL!
Hugs,
Annabelle