MADHOUSE
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Second Part of Clowns"A Day at Sea World
19 total reviews
Comment from Little Leprechaun
Really good book love it. It is very sick and twisted but it is also very true sadly. We live in a sick world filled with beautiful scenery. Thank you so much for this great read.
-Laken
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2008
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Really good book love it. It is very sick and twisted but it is also very true sadly. We live in a sick world filled with beautiful scenery. Thank you so much for this great read.
-Laken
Comment Written 01-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2008
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Hi Laken,
Well, thank you so much for the wonderful review. Yes, it is true, happens all the time and I just don't understand how! Our kids think they're so smart, so savvy and yet, they get caught like that all the time.
Ah, steps down from soap box!
Thanks again, hope you continue to enjoy!
Gayle
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Sometimes us kids just don't think which can lead to bad things. You are very much welcomed.
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I am such a ditz, Laken, I didn't see the six! My goodness, thanks so much and I am sorry about the delayed response. Have I mentioned, I'm blonde!
Gayle
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I am blue head. X_X Haha no it is fine you desearve the six. I only wish I could become a great writer some day.
Comment from Paradox Tremors
Long or not, I think you are doing an excellent job. I've gotten behind a bit in the story as my computer is back in the shop - as soon as its finish, I'll catch up. But did want to tell you this is a good chapter and can't to get the chance to finish it. Thanks for a fine story so far.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2008
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Long or not, I think you are doing an excellent job. I've gotten behind a bit in the story as my computer is back in the shop - as soon as its finish, I'll catch up. But did want to tell you this is a good chapter and can't to get the chance to finish it. Thanks for a fine story so far.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2008
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Hello, TP,
I sure appreciate your fine comments and encouragement. Thanks so much for stopping by,
Gayle
Comment from Sissy
Hi Gayle,
Clowns freak me out in general. Especially doll ones. So I totally understand where Ella's coming from. Yikes. Wonder what's gonna happen when Lenny and Jim get there.
Overall, really good continuation of the chapter. I like the little bit of nostalgia at the end, reminds us that Terry and Ella are sisters.
Some stuff to check out:
there was so much to choose from ('there was' - passive.)
Ella and Terry cruised the shops, barely glancing at the clothiers or leather products. They were on the hunt for a specialty store that just might carry clown dolls.
(You can kick that 'They were' by combining these two sentences.)
saw a second-hand store
much of it second hand
(wasn't sure about the use of 'second hand' after you made mention that it was a second-hand store. Implied, I think.)
It sat propped up in the corner, looking similar to the one described as being in Sam's car window
(not sure about the 'as being in' - a bit bumpy sentence-wise.)
things moved along fairly well. (need 'fairly well'?)
She drew a deep breath and smiled at the girl who approached (. can eliminate--> her.)
Hope this helps!
Take care,
Sis
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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Hi Gayle,
Clowns freak me out in general. Especially doll ones. So I totally understand where Ella's coming from. Yikes. Wonder what's gonna happen when Lenny and Jim get there.
Overall, really good continuation of the chapter. I like the little bit of nostalgia at the end, reminds us that Terry and Ella are sisters.
Some stuff to check out:
there was so much to choose from ('there was' - passive.)
Ella and Terry cruised the shops, barely glancing at the clothiers or leather products. They were on the hunt for a specialty store that just might carry clown dolls.
(You can kick that 'They were' by combining these two sentences.)
saw a second-hand store
much of it second hand
(wasn't sure about the use of 'second hand' after you made mention that it was a second-hand store. Implied, I think.)
It sat propped up in the corner, looking similar to the one described as being in Sam's car window
(not sure about the 'as being in' - a bit bumpy sentence-wise.)
things moved along fairly well. (need 'fairly well'?)
She drew a deep breath and smiled at the girl who approached (. can eliminate--> her.)
Hope this helps!
Take care,
Sis
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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Oh, I hate them too! Made an easy thing for me to do. I hate Halloween, too. I'm just no fun.
Pasted those guys out and will get to it, six more to go and then I'm off to the editing cave!
Hugs and huge thanks,
Gayle
Comment from davidray
Howdy, Gayle. Good to be getting back in the groove of things. Been getting everything taken care of with our move across the country and such. Today, just renewed my membership here.
Your writing seems to be doing just fine, I see. I'll try to catch up to the others you have posted. Needless to say, I'm wayyyyy behind!
Been writing lots while away. I'll share it with you later.
Good night,
D
reply by the author on 27-May-2008
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Howdy, Gayle. Good to be getting back in the groove of things. Been getting everything taken care of with our move across the country and such. Today, just renewed my membership here.
Your writing seems to be doing just fine, I see. I'll try to catch up to the others you have posted. Needless to say, I'm wayyyyy behind!
Been writing lots while away. I'll share it with you later.
Good night,
D
Comment Written 27-May-2008
reply by the author on 27-May-2008
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Hey you! I thought the gypsies got ya! Always so good to see you. Yeah, this is a departure from the kids books, huh?
Glad you liked it and can see continued improvement in my writing! That's the goal!
Talk soon, David, I'll be watching for you!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Stephy Jemmisparks
Enthralling. I am much intrigued. The mask must mean something, and i must gather what that is. It doesnt look good if you asked me, the coming event i mean, not the excellent story!
Stephy
reply by the author on 27-May-2008
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Enthralling. I am much intrigued. The mask must mean something, and i must gather what that is. It doesnt look good if you asked me, the coming event i mean, not the excellent story!
Stephy
Comment Written 26-May-2008
reply by the author on 27-May-2008
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Hi Stephy,
Sorry this took so long, but thank you for the wonderful R&R. I'm so glad you liked this one. Hope you're able to follow along. There's no bucks left, so you don't need to bother with a review, but if you catch up on the earlier chapters, you'll be ready for what comes next.
So nice to meet you, and again, thanks,
Gayle
Comment from Sylvia Page
Hi Gayle, This is quite a good descriptive chapter. I enjoyed the clowns. Someone in our family used to clown quite a bit till he received a ceramic clown for a birthday gift and that shut him up a bit!
See you in the next chapter. No SPAG to report.
Happy writing
Sylvia
reply by the author on 27-May-2008
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Hi Gayle, This is quite a good descriptive chapter. I enjoyed the clowns. Someone in our family used to clown quite a bit till he received a ceramic clown for a birthday gift and that shut him up a bit!
See you in the next chapter. No SPAG to report.
Happy writing
Sylvia
Comment Written 26-May-2008
reply by the author on 27-May-2008
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High Sylvia, so good to see you again. Yeah, clowns hit everyone differently. They give me the willies, make my daughter ballistic, true story, and my husband couldn't care less. Weird how they affect folks.
thank you so much for the wonderful comments and the great rating,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Norbanus
Hmmm...Now, let's see. Is Sam going to turn out to be Amanda's brother or boyfriend or something? Nah! That'd end it too soon. :-)
Nothin' to complain about this time.
reply by the author on 25-May-2008
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Hmmm...Now, let's see. Is Sam going to turn out to be Amanda's brother or boyfriend or something? Nah! That'd end it too soon. :-)
Nothin' to complain about this time.
Comment Written 25-May-2008
reply by the author on 25-May-2008
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You know me, Freddie, can't make it simple. This one has a ways to go, actually, but I think you'll like the direction.
Talk soon and thanks a bunch,
Annabelle
Comment from bookishfabler
I have a question. Why didn't she ask the clerk if anyone had bought a simular doll lately. and if so, if she could find out who?
Ella and Terry cruised the shops, barely glancing at the clothiers or leather products. They were on the hunt for a specialty shop that just might carry clown dolls. They paused in front of a shop with a variety of antique pieces, including heirloom jewelry and a display of porcelain masks.
( you mention 'shop' three times, maby change one to 'store')
other than that. Nice job.
hugs
book
reply by the author on 25-May-2008
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I have a question. Why didn't she ask the clerk if anyone had bought a simular doll lately. and if so, if she could find out who?
Ella and Terry cruised the shops, barely glancing at the clothiers or leather products. They were on the hunt for a specialty shop that just might carry clown dolls. They paused in front of a shop with a variety of antique pieces, including heirloom jewelry and a display of porcelain masks.
( you mention 'shop' three times, maby change one to 'store')
other than that. Nice job.
hugs
book
Comment Written 25-May-2008
reply by the author on 25-May-2008
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Hey, Heidi,
I think it's just her mo to leave that to the guys. Of the four, she's the most reticent, so I guess she at least wanted to chat with Ella. Now, if it'd been her, Ella would have asked right off. Hmmm. Let me thing about that.
Same for the shops. One will have to go!
Take care and thanks a bunch,
Gayle
Comment from AbigailDavid
Hello, another excellent addition to your novel. I felt like a fly on the wall in places here, especially the dialogue surrounding the doll. Good device!! I like dolls and puppets. I have a few nice part ceramic puppets that i have collected over the years.
I noticed no errors, your grammar is a lot better than mine, and this just flowed so I read for entertainment value. Hence the fiver, thanks for sharing your story, it is one I would recommend, Abby
reply by the author on 25-May-2008
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Hello, another excellent addition to your novel. I felt like a fly on the wall in places here, especially the dialogue surrounding the doll. Good device!! I like dolls and puppets. I have a few nice part ceramic puppets that i have collected over the years.
I noticed no errors, your grammar is a lot better than mine, and this just flowed so I read for entertainment value. Hence the fiver, thanks for sharing your story, it is one I would recommend, Abby
Comment Written 25-May-2008
reply by the author on 25-May-2008
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Hi Abby,
Thank you so much for the kind comments and rating. I hope to see you again soon,
Gayle
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
This is an excellent chapter - informative rather than action packed. But many chapters have to be like this, and I really enjoyed the description of the vampire clown. I enjoyed reading this and can't find anything to criticize.
Dave M
reply by the author on 25-May-2008
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Gayle,
This is an excellent chapter - informative rather than action packed. But many chapters have to be like this, and I really enjoyed the description of the vampire clown. I enjoyed reading this and can't find anything to criticize.
Dave M
Comment Written 24-May-2008
reply by the author on 25-May-2008
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Hey Dave,
This is a 'real' place, actually, and they do the most amazing likenesses. We're about to take off again. hang in there, and thanks for the great comments.
Gayle