MADHOUSE
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Where are you?"A Day at Sea World
17 total reviews
Comment from Allezw2
Lady Gayle,
To the Indians, and the Spanish, it's sentenna according to a geography professor I had at LAVJC..
LA Magazine opined that most SoCal residents decided it was Santa Ana for the brezze generated by the cars traveling on the 05 interstate.
MY MY, haven't you rung in a nice kettle of fish.
Two girls on the loose, not knowing that their rescuers are in place, and they are not.
Tune in next time for the amazing, continuing, adventures posited by the copy writing muse.
Wayne.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2008
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Lady Gayle,
To the Indians, and the Spanish, it's sentenna according to a geography professor I had at LAVJC..
LA Magazine opined that most SoCal residents decided it was Santa Ana for the brezze generated by the cars traveling on the 05 interstate.
MY MY, haven't you rung in a nice kettle of fish.
Two girls on the loose, not knowing that their rescuers are in place, and they are not.
Tune in next time for the amazing, continuing, adventures posited by the copy writing muse.
Wayne.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2008
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Hey Wayne,
So nice to see you. Glad you're liking this one. Jeff's having a ball making the covers. Once the website is done, I'll send ya the address and you can check it out!
Have a great weekend and thanks!
Hugs,
Gayle
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You're welcome.
Comment from TomandOma
Another believable chapter, O gifted one! The dog acts just like any good canine, even if not trained for tracking, especially.
The perperator is dead, so I guess it will be mop-up time for our detectives, and it will be fun to see how you get the two girls back home. More good plotting, I'm sure.
I didn't mind your version of Santa Ana, but I think that's the way we all automatically turn the name into an elipse. Reads fine.
I see you have at least one more chapter posted, so see you soon.
Hugs, Spike
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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Another believable chapter, O gifted one! The dog acts just like any good canine, even if not trained for tracking, especially.
The perperator is dead, so I guess it will be mop-up time for our detectives, and it will be fun to see how you get the two girls back home. More good plotting, I'm sure.
I didn't mind your version of Santa Ana, but I think that's the way we all automatically turn the name into an elipse. Reads fine.
I see you have at least one more chapter posted, so see you soon.
Hugs, Spike
Comment Written 08-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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Hey Sis,
You can blame this entire book on Freddie. He kept telling me to step it up, increase the tension, all that stuff, so I decided I had to have a subject to do that with, and this popped up. Blame it on him. Say, have you heard from him lately?
Talk soon,
Love
Annabelle
Comment from Sissy
Hi Gayle,
If only they'd been a few minutes earlier....
But then, there'd be less to write about! :)
Nice job here, I had to struggle to find what little I could. I like the idea of the impending storm makes the pace of the story pick up, and now we have EVEN MORE to worry about!
Check these out:
The closed sign now read open. (The 'closed' sign now read 'open'? Not sure.)
parked in front of the store
and headed for the back (. need? repetitive---> of the store,)
The buzzer indicated someone had entered the store. (<--'the store' again!)
Her mother stared (need?-->at her), eyebrows raised
The girls followed the Suburban and when they turned down the dirt lane, they (<--consider eliminating this 'they'.) began to scrutinize the woods
Just as Amanda had told them (how about just 'had said'?)
Hmm...this is mostly just suggestions, I think! Can't kick a star for that!
Sis
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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Hi Gayle,
If only they'd been a few minutes earlier....
But then, there'd be less to write about! :)
Nice job here, I had to struggle to find what little I could. I like the idea of the impending storm makes the pace of the story pick up, and now we have EVEN MORE to worry about!
Check these out:
The closed sign now read open. (The 'closed' sign now read 'open'? Not sure.)
parked in front of the store
and headed for the back (. need? repetitive---> of the store,)
The buzzer indicated someone had entered the store. (<--'the store' again!)
Her mother stared (need?-->at her), eyebrows raised
The girls followed the Suburban and when they turned down the dirt lane, they (<--consider eliminating this 'they'.) began to scrutinize the woods
Just as Amanda had told them (how about just 'had said'?)
Hmm...this is mostly just suggestions, I think! Can't kick a star for that!
Sis
Comment Written 07-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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Hey Sis,
I finally figured out how to do it! Now I write soap opera! Freddie kept urging me to up the action in previous books and I thought, by golly, this one isn't going to take a breather!
I've pasted out all the edits above and once I get through the 21 reviews ahead, I plan to dedicate my day to making the edits on the ms.
I appreciate all the time and effort you've put into this, and once I get some bucks together, I'll treat ya to lunch!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from bookishfabler
Being a new Yorker/Floridian, I had no clue how you spelled Santa ana, but I knew what it was.
Great chapter.
She picked up her coffee cup(,) (-and) a small bag, and striding across the porch, unlocked the door (-and) (then) stepped inside.(too many 'ands' here)
The broken boards told the story. Jim lay flat on the ground and wiggled as
far into the hole as possible (evil eddie here)
hugs
book
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
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Being a new Yorker/Floridian, I had no clue how you spelled Santa ana, but I knew what it was.
Great chapter.
She picked up her coffee cup(,) (-and) a small bag, and striding across the porch, unlocked the door (-and) (then) stepped inside.(too many 'ands' here)
The broken boards told the story. Jim lay flat on the ground and wiggled as
far into the hole as possible (evil eddie here)
hugs
book
Comment Written 07-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
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Dange that little twerp! Step on him, Heidi!
I'll go in and make fix on it as well as the coffee cup... stuff. Great eye, my friend, thank you so much,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from greyhound1
dying to know what happens cant wait great story great characters you did do a great job on writing this awsome
greyhound1
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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dying to know what happens cant wait great story great characters you did do a great job on writing this awsome
greyhound1
Comment Written 05-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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Hi Grey,
I hope you don't mind nicknames! LOL. I get called Show, Showtime, STB and Book, but I'm Gayle to my friends.
I'm just thrilled that you are enjoying this one and hope you come back again soon.
Gayle
Comment from Jonez08
Gayle the story is progressing well and if they had waited a little longer (shucks). I can't imagine them getting too far in the nude.This is an excellent storyline. I can't wait until the next chapter
Man, that smarts
(I didn't understand this line)
Beth grabbed her hand(,)
Hugs,
Cassandra
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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Gayle the story is progressing well and if they had waited a little longer (shucks). I can't imagine them getting too far in the nude.This is an excellent storyline. I can't wait until the next chapter
Man, that smarts
(I didn't understand this line)
Beth grabbed her hand(,)
Hugs,
Cassandra
Comment Written 04-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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Hi Cassandra,
Thanks so much for the great R&R. The phrase..'that smarts' means something that stings or hurts. I have to get my 'lingo' updated. All my little kids grew up and moved away! Alas. I'll get on the net and add to my two current words..hot/hottie and sweet!
LOL and hugs,
Gayle
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LOL it seems as if it's me that needs to catch up. My husband and I are enjoying the empty nest. (I love it). Thanks for enlightening me! Enjoy your weekend.
Cassandra :0)
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Empty nest? As in grown kids? Sheesh, girl, you look like a kid yourself! Now point that out to your hubby and sidle up for a Sat. night dinner out. Just you kids!
Grins!
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This will definitely get you extra stars..lol. Yes we have one daugther and two grands 1 and 3. We are considered young grandparents. We are enjoying ourselves. Thanks for being soooooooooo kind! :0)
Comment from RenieReader
Oh, my gosh. I'm so frightened for the two gals out in the woods with no protection, food or water. I hope Cricket can find them before it's too late. Great piece of work, Gayle
Evil Eddie gotcha here:
Jim lay flat on the ground and wiggled as
far into the hole as possible.
The word San'tanas doesn't bother me one way or the other.
Hugs,
Renie
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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Oh, my gosh. I'm so frightened for the two gals out in the woods with no protection, food or water. I hope Cricket can find them before it's too late. Great piece of work, Gayle
Evil Eddie gotcha here:
Jim lay flat on the ground and wiggled as
far into the hole as possible.
The word San'tanas doesn't bother me one way or the other.
Hugs,
Renie
Comment Written 04-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2008
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Hey Renie,
Sorry this took so long...you knnow how busy I've been. Then there's all this other stuff happening! Man!
Thanks for the super R&R and for the great comments. I'll fix that little bugger I can.MS is great, for sure!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Stephy Jemmisparks
thats pretty unbelievable if anything, Gayle.The imagery and descriptive words just rocks. yet i love the plot most. with writers like you around, who needs tv?
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2008
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thats pretty unbelievable if anything, Gayle.The imagery and descriptive words just rocks. yet i love the plot most. with writers like you around, who needs tv?
Comment Written 04-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2008
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Hey Stephy,
Your reviews always make me smile. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story. Fun's nowhere near over!
Gayle
Comment from Sylvia Page
Hi Gayle,
Seems you left us hanging on in suspense waiting for the next episode to find out how the girls survived without clothes out in the open ...
Gives me the creeps. Did [Gives me the creeps! ]
Treed the bastard, in a manner of speaking. Freak."
[Treed the bastard! In a manner of speaking; freak!" ]
"Turn right out of the driveway and go maybe two miles or [so, there?s] a
. "Man, that ["Man that] smarts."
"Me, too. Crud, look at that." ["Me, too Crud, look at that] Beth
morning that the kid with him in the car [ , / ;] can't
like, smooshed [smooched ?]
that [, gives] me the willies."
once, [and ] then held her palm
Those are the few nits I found if its any help.
Good going. Is the next chapter the end?
Happy writing
Sylvia
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2008
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Hi Gayle,
Seems you left us hanging on in suspense waiting for the next episode to find out how the girls survived without clothes out in the open ...
Gives me the creeps. Did [Gives me the creeps! ]
Treed the bastard, in a manner of speaking. Freak."
[Treed the bastard! In a manner of speaking; freak!" ]
"Turn right out of the driveway and go maybe two miles or [so, there?s] a
. "Man, that ["Man that] smarts."
"Me, too. Crud, look at that." ["Me, too Crud, look at that] Beth
morning that the kid with him in the car [ , / ;] can't
like, smooshed [smooched ?]
that [, gives] me the willies."
once, [and ] then held her palm
Those are the few nits I found if its any help.
Good going. Is the next chapter the end?
Happy writing
Sylvia
Comment Written 04-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2008
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Hi Sylvia,
I'm so glad you are enjoying this book. We're about 3/4 of the way through, so there's lots more excitement to come.
Thanks for the edits, let me check them out.
Hope to see you again soon,
Gayle
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
I've got nothing against that word - figured that's what it was when I read it. This is an excellent chapter. You've got two hooks here, the contents of "Sam's" hideaway and the coming fire. Fire is coming, isn't it?
I couldn't find a single nit or any instance of shaky writing. In fact, I am really enjoying this book.
Dave M
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2008
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Gayle,
I've got nothing against that word - figured that's what it was when I read it. This is an excellent chapter. You've got two hooks here, the contents of "Sam's" hideaway and the coming fire. Fire is coming, isn't it?
I couldn't find a single nit or any instance of shaky writing. In fact, I am really enjoying this book.
Dave M
Comment Written 03-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2008
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Hey Dave,
I'm so glad you're enjoying this one. I figured it'd be ok, but you know I hate to make folks slow down. And yes, I believe I smell smoke! Here we go!
Hugs,
Gayle