Comment from allinmyhead

Excellent

The ending you chose was fitting, very much like an old-style morality play. Lee got what he deserved and, as in a morality play, Rebecca would not have been allowed to get away with murder, whatever the justification. The only choice was to kill her off. Your ending was tragic, but very suitable. Crumbled walls, crumbled lives.

 Comment Written 23-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2009

Allinmyhead

Thanks so much for reading the three part story. You were right. I couldn't let her go free so I chose the storm to end the terrible life they lived. Thanks so much for the review. Carol

Comment from eliz100

Excellent

What a powerful ending to your story. Your portrayed well that people can take a lot but there is a breaking point. Rebecca broke. Your story is well-nwritten. I liked the ending I would not have liked Rebecca killing Lee.

 Comment Written 18-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009

Eliz Neither did my son...it is based on some long ago friends of his, but he didn't want them killing each other. I think the ending is believable...though the shooting is probably what unfortunately happens more often in real life.

Thanks for reading and for the reviews. I am glad you enjoyed the story.

Carol

Comment from Summer Falls

Excellent

I think your ending fit the rest of the story well. It put them both out of their misery. The calm way Rebecca put the afghan to her face before putting it down was so like a person who is trying to hold on to the last bit of sanity. There was no way Rebecca was going to forgive Lee. Well, maybe, but she would soon find out he would hit her again...and again...then apologize...then hit her again. Unfortunately, that is the way it happens.
Well done.
Summer

 Comment Written 17-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009

Summer The story is based on real people. They aren't dead but are divorced. They have a little girl that they both adore but can't seem to make it work between them. This is a part of a novel my son and I are writing and I wanted to see how the characters played out. I appreciate your input very much. Thanks again. Carol

Comment from Suzie B

Excellent

Carol, I think the ending was excellent. The short story format doesn't allow us time to explore further options.
This ending resolved their dilemma sadly, but conclusively.

I doubt that had they survived the damage was so intense that I don't believe any amount of counselling would have staved of the inevitable divorce/or murder suicide.
Sometimes recognizing that we do in fact care for someone deeply comes too late.
A fine 3 part story, i thoroughly enjoyed and have no hesitation in recommending it to others to read.
hugs ansd smiles
Suzie

 Comment Written 17-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009

Suzie

Thanks so much for the fine review. I hope to incorporate this section into a book and I am glad that it came off as being real. Thanks again Carol

Comment from L.lora

Excellent

Carol, this was an excellent well paced write. The characters are believable right down to their dialogue. Rebecca's actions are right on target, it happens that way sometimes...emotions are such a tricky thing especially if one loves "too well", they can be literally broken. No one is going to know their secret, yet at the end I found tears welling, and felt an awful sadness. Now, that is some writing when you can illicit that from your reader. No nits, superbly done. Lora

 Comment Written 17-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009

Lora

Thank you for the powerful review. This couple is real unfortunately. They didn't die but the struggle between them happened. They are divorced and have a child that they both adore. It's so sad.

This is a portion of a book based on three young adults lives that my son and I are writing. I wanted to see if the characters came off real to people, especially since I am taking real life events and changing them. I appreaciate your comments very much. Carol

reply by L.lora on 17-Aug-2009

Carol, it really was very believeable. I wish you all the best with the book. As long as you are basing it on real life events, it is going to ring true. Marvelous job. Lora

reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009

Thanks...the characters are real just not all of the events...they are still alive of course. Carol

Comment from Blaidd Drwg

Excellent

Carol, I liked the ending. I usually get so involved in stories that what ever the ending is, it is what is is, as if I was reading a real account of a domestic tragedy. So who knows, I might have written it differently, but that's not how it happened. Sometimes we hope for a nice little resolution for all of these situations, but most often they don't end well. I think that's why it did seem very real to me.

John

 Comment Written 17-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009

John

Thanks for the review. This is a section of a book my son and I are writing so I appreciate your input. I was trying to see if the ending seemed realistic. They are real people, unfortunately, but they didn't die. They have a daughter which they both adore and treat like a Princess. But the two of them even divorced can't get along. Thanks again. Carol

Comment from shygirl21

Excellent

Wow! I loved the integration of the storm, almost becoming a third character in this angry scene. I don't blame her for shooting him lol, if my husband treated me that way, well, I suppose its good I don't own a gun lmao.
I really liked this story, it had a real bite to it!

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009

Pamela Lee and REbecca are real people. Fortunately, they didn't kill each other...almost though. Lee ended up doing a little jail time. They have a little girl that they both adore...they just can't stand each other. It's sad.

Thanks for finding the time to read all three and the poem. REally appreciate it. Carol

Comment from Amicus

Excellent

I like the way you write your way out of this one, Carol. The sad dance of alcohol, drugs and domestic violence that was playing out with these two folks would have been minimized had you forged a "happy" ending...each of these folks had a long way to go before change would occur and you didn't have the space in a short story to do justice to such a tale...This ending where you show nature as the murderer both of Sandi and of Lee and Rebecca is a credible albeit poignant and chilling ending.

Good story. I enjoyed reading it.

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009

Amicus

Thank you for the review and for understanding the ending. Many wanted a happy ending, but it just wasn't happening in this short of a story. I am glad that you enjoyed it. Carol

Comment from zlp22

Excellent

I liked the ending, but it could have been different, like maybe his wife shooting him and having everyone thinking the storm kiled him, and the wife surviving.

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009

Zip

I thought of that but then I decided it would be hard to conceal a bullet hole. May be she should had hit him with the frying pan again. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Carol

Comment from Nanny 6

Excellent

Wow, you really put a twist on the story. I could really understand how Rebecca wasn't going to forgive Lee, she'd reached her breaking point and no one can blame her. I wonder if Lee really would have changed??? Hmmmm quite a point to ponder. Good story! Judy

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009

JUdy No, he tried but they both were to lost young adults. Unfortunately, they have a baby daughter too. They both adore her, but even though they are divorced, I think the child suffers. He is no longer a close friend of my sons so I only hear how it is going once and a while. The ending was how I feared it would be...of course, that is yet to be known. Thanks for the review and your welcomed comments. Carol