Refuge In Death
Minute Poem21 total reviews
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hello, Anupam,
This story is so sad!
Living in the country that I do, I can barely imagine the horror of being displaced by war or losing small children in the process.
Your sensitive write portrays their hardships well, and with an insightful projection of thought as to their plight.
Your closing stanza, however, brings light to the fact that this emotional incident moved the world. The picture touched off outrage but we are still waiting for action to rectify this problem...come on sanity!
A solid entry into the contest, buddy...ripped from today's headlines.
My best for its success,
Bill
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Hello, Anupam,
This story is so sad!
Living in the country that I do, I can barely imagine the horror of being displaced by war or losing small children in the process.
Your sensitive write portrays their hardships well, and with an insightful projection of thought as to their plight.
Your closing stanza, however, brings light to the fact that this emotional incident moved the world. The picture touched off outrage but we are still waiting for action to rectify this problem...come on sanity!
A solid entry into the contest, buddy...ripped from today's headlines.
My best for its success,
Bill
Comment Written 26-Sep-2015
Comment from catch22
Hi Anupam, what more can I say than Bravo! This minute poem is exquisitely crafted and you've told a heartbreaking story in such a short space of words. The punctuation choices and iambic meter were spot on as well. I think it's such a beautiful and haunting poem about an event that should haunt our consciences for a loooong time to come. I hope this poem does win this contest to spread awareness of the crisis at the very least.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Hi Anupam, what more can I say than Bravo! This minute poem is exquisitely crafted and you've told a heartbreaking story in such a short space of words. The punctuation choices and iambic meter were spot on as well. I think it's such a beautiful and haunting poem about an event that should haunt our consciences for a loooong time to come. I hope this poem does win this contest to spread awareness of the crisis at the very least.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Thanks for your thoughtful review and glowing stars, Gail! I totally agree with you. When I saw that pic for the first time, I was left speechless for a while. That pic has freezed inside my mind. I'm glad to know found the poem impacting. Thanks for your assuring comments and good luck wishes. Have a great weekend!
Regards,
Anupam
Comment from XGoneX
Hello,
I am not an expert in formats and rules when it comes to poetry. I only write free verse.
But I loved what you did here. There is a lot of emotion in this poem and has a beautiful word choice, it flows really smoothly. You have a very distinctive voice in your poetry. It is such a sad poem, though. I could picture the boy in my mind. Such a sad situation happening at the moment.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Hello,
I am not an expert in formats and rules when it comes to poetry. I only write free verse.
But I loved what you did here. There is a lot of emotion in this poem and has a beautiful word choice, it flows really smoothly. You have a very distinctive voice in your poetry. It is such a sad poem, though. I could picture the boy in my mind. Such a sad situation happening at the moment.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Thanks for your kind comments and lovely review, dear friend. They are much appreciated, as always. Glad you found the poem touching. Thanks for the good luck wishes, too. :)
Regards,
Anupam
Comment from Jackarrie
This is an excellent entry into the minute contest. It portrays the sadness of the present dilemma so many are suffering. The image is perfect it has a haunting air to it.
Good luck in the contest
Mary
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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This is an excellent entry into the minute contest. It portrays the sadness of the present dilemma so many are suffering. The image is perfect it has a haunting air to it.
Good luck in the contest
Mary
Comment Written 24-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts, Mary. I appreciate your comments. Have a great weekend.
Regards,
Anupam
Comment from Laurie Keim
Hi D.
Contemporary historical poem are deeply felt but difficult to write. On the one hand, our voice can often sound privileged or at worst prophetic. The danger is always the metaphor that seems to sleight or the simile that looks to slick.
With that in mind, you've had a go.
I thought the use of both "mother" and "his" as interesting.
"The sea is mum to mourn for loss
of lives across
his wide expanse--
one lethal chance"
"His wide expanse" normally would qualify the nearest previous noun which is "mum" because "loss of lives" i an inanimate noun group without gender.
I'm not to sure whether "lethal" is used correctly here. Lethal means "sufficient to cause death". I'm fully that "lethal chance" could mean a chance that at first appears likely but in the end kills you, which would require a word like 'deceptive' in contrast with 'lethal'.
And sail new bets is an excellent line and the one I liked most.
Cheers,
Laurie Keim
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Hi D.
Contemporary historical poem are deeply felt but difficult to write. On the one hand, our voice can often sound privileged or at worst prophetic. The danger is always the metaphor that seems to sleight or the simile that looks to slick.
With that in mind, you've had a go.
I thought the use of both "mother" and "his" as interesting.
"The sea is mum to mourn for loss
of lives across
his wide expanse--
one lethal chance"
"His wide expanse" normally would qualify the nearest previous noun which is "mum" because "loss of lives" i an inanimate noun group without gender.
I'm not to sure whether "lethal" is used correctly here. Lethal means "sufficient to cause death". I'm fully that "lethal chance" could mean a chance that at first appears likely but in the end kills you, which would require a word like 'deceptive' in contrast with 'lethal'.
And sail new bets is an excellent line and the one I liked most.
Cheers,
Laurie Keim
Comment Written 24-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Thanks for your thoughtful and wonderful revew, Laurie. Always a pleasure hearing from you. I understand your comments about the contemporary events, and agree with them.
I've used "mum" as an adjective here, not a noun - though your interpretation works well, too, except the gender mismatch. I'd thought of using "tricky" in place of "lethal" but then went with the latter for I wanted to associate it with risking their lives.
Glad to know you enjoyed the poem! Have a great weekend!
Regards,
Anupam
Comment from Taffspride
A touching and excellent entry for the minute contest my dear friend.
I admit to a tear as I read this. It is so hard to deal with death, but one so unnecessary is even harder to come to terms with. You tell it so well in your poem. Thank you for sharing.
Good luck in the contest.
Iechyd da
Ann
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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A touching and excellent entry for the minute contest my dear friend.
I admit to a tear as I read this. It is so hard to deal with death, but one so unnecessary is even harder to come to terms with. You tell it so well in your poem. Thank you for sharing.
Good luck in the contest.
Iechyd da
Ann
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Thanks a lot for your positive comments and shining stars, dear Ann. I'm glad you find the poem impacting. It came from deep within after seeing the pictures of Aylan that went viral. Such a sad tragedy! Thanks for your good luck wishes, too. Have a nice weekend. :)
Regards,
Anupam
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Anupam
I haven't read any other entries yet, though you have an excellent poem here and surely a contender for highest placement. You seem to have mastered the meter, created excellent rhyme, and as always, unique phrasing. You tell the story without visual gore, yet still strongly emotive, especially your closing. Fabulous presentation. A sad, yet beautiful expression of grief. Great notes, a mother and two sons, a poignant image.
"The sea is mum to mourn for loss" -- brilliant opening line. Excellent thought in the title. At least now, they do have refuge, perhaps in a better place, and together.
"With refuge found in lap of death;" -- the opening line of each stanza is perfect, it brings power to what follows.
I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Hi Anupam
I haven't read any other entries yet, though you have an excellent poem here and surely a contender for highest placement. You seem to have mastered the meter, created excellent rhyme, and as always, unique phrasing. You tell the story without visual gore, yet still strongly emotive, especially your closing. Fabulous presentation. A sad, yet beautiful expression of grief. Great notes, a mother and two sons, a poignant image.
"The sea is mum to mourn for loss" -- brilliant opening line. Excellent thought in the title. At least now, they do have refuge, perhaps in a better place, and together.
"With refuge found in lap of death;" -- the opening line of each stanza is perfect, it brings power to what follows.
I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Thanks for this wonderful, lovely review, dear Lovi. I'm pleased you could connect to the emotions portrayed here. I was deeply moved after watching those haunting pics on the net, so this one flowed on its own. Delighted to know you found it touching. I appreciate the gift of glowing stars and good luck wishes. Have a happy weekend. :)
Regards,
Anupam xo
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My reply will not save. I'll send a PM. :))) Lovi xoxo
Comment from Sasha
This is both sad and superbly written. I doubt I will ever get the image of that tiny little boy one the beach out of my mind. Your last verse brought tears to my eyes:
With refuge found in lap of death;
the world took breath
in grief to snap
their timeless nap
Wonderful entry for this contest and a perfect Minute Poem, in my opinion. I am sure this one will be a top contender. I wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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This is both sad and superbly written. I doubt I will ever get the image of that tiny little boy one the beach out of my mind. Your last verse brought tears to my eyes:
With refuge found in lap of death;
the world took breath
in grief to snap
their timeless nap
Wonderful entry for this contest and a perfect Minute Poem, in my opinion. I am sure this one will be a top contender. I wish you all the best.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Thanks for reading and the gift of glowing stars, Sasha. Sadly, that image has freezed inside my mind and keeps haunting me. Glad you found it impacting. Have a happy weekend.
Regards,
Anupam
Comment from judiverse
Excellent minute poem format, with the rhyme and flow being perfect. You capture the tragedy so marvelously in such a short format. Excellent alliteration "mum to mourn." I'm glad you're turning your thoughts outward. These tragedies have made the world aware of the plight of these refugees. I can't help but think the best solution would be to take out the dictators and terrorists who are making life unbearable for these people. They' probably prefer to live in their own country, if they could do so without fearing for their lives. judi
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Excellent minute poem format, with the rhyme and flow being perfect. You capture the tragedy so marvelously in such a short format. Excellent alliteration "mum to mourn." I'm glad you're turning your thoughts outward. These tragedies have made the world aware of the plight of these refugees. I can't help but think the best solution would be to take out the dictators and terrorists who are making life unbearable for these people. They' probably prefer to live in their own country, if they could do so without fearing for their lives. judi
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Thanks for the thoughtful review, Judi. I agree with what you have said. It's the terrorism and dictators making them flee their own land. I was deeply affected after watching pics of Aylan, so I had to write about it. Glad you enjoyed this change in theme. Have a happy weekend.
Regards,
Anupam
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You're welcome. Take care, and happy writing. judi
Comment from misscookie
For only God knows the reason we go through such pain.
And face a death one can't explain
The sea withholds a lot of secrets
yet sometime they must be reveal"
Thank you for this sad heartfelt poem.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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For only God knows the reason we go through such pain.
And face a death one can't explain
The sea withholds a lot of secrets
yet sometime they must be reveal"
Thank you for this sad heartfelt poem.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Thanks for reading and reviewing, miss cookie.
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You're very welcome.
Have a blessed Sunday.
Cookie