The Halloween Visitor
A visit on Halloween50 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Odd, I would say rather than scary. Definently has the ick factor going. Happy Halloween to you too. Every year he comes back? Whar happened the year before, and the year before that? Karen
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2024
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Odd, I would say rather than scary. Definently has the ick factor going. Happy Halloween to you too. Every year he comes back? Whar happened the year before, and the year before that? Karen
Comment Written 20-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2024
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I don't even remember this one at all. But thanks for taking time out to read it. It must have been one of those quickie writes to get it in before Halloween. LOL.
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I am working on a 55 word contest. Karen
Comment from AJ McCall
The setting was perfect... I loved the image and the way you described the stranger's crooked features. Is the main character a guy or a girl? This is very intriguing. I will say the last part confused me a little,
Theodore J. Doodlewanger brutally murdered on Halloween night, October 31, 1886, exactly one hundred and nineteen years from yesterday...
So the man had died the same year? Or his ghost returned every Halloween?
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020
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The setting was perfect... I loved the image and the way you described the stranger's crooked features. Is the main character a guy or a girl? This is very intriguing. I will say the last part confused me a little,
Theodore J. Doodlewanger brutally murdered on Halloween night, October 31, 1886, exactly one hundred and nineteen years from yesterday...
So the man had died the same year? Or his ghost returned every Halloween?
Comment Written 06-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020
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Hello, AJ! Theodore J. Doodlewanger V (the fifth) opened the door to Theodore J. Doodlewanger on Halloween all those years later to greet his great-great grandfather whose ghost returns to his family home every years on Halloween night. This isn't one of my better pieces as I wrote it in about thirty minutes to beat the deadline. LOL. Thanks for another great review. Thanks a bunch. You're the best!
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You're welcome! And oh, I understand now. Ha! I do the same sometimes to beat it too! Also, did you receive my message?
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I answered your message, but maybe you just haven't received it yet. I would be happy to help you in anyway I can. :-)
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Yeah, realized it once I read the message. lol I'm posting one of the chapters right now. You may see a mix of things because like I told you, I went back and forth.
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Okay, I'm running late for a meeting right now, but I'll check them out soon as I can.
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Okay cool!! :)
Comment from XGoneX
Hi Ric,
When you mentioned the part of the phone home made me smile because I never pick up the phone either. People have my mobile number if they want to call me, exactly my thoughts lol. I only have phone at home because of the broadband.
The descriptions in this writing were vivid and wonderful. I could feel and see everything. You showed well the dreaful look of the man.
The conclusion was spooky and great. It was Theodore J. Doodlewanger who had been brutally murdered on Halloween night, October 31, 1886, one hundred and nineteen years before. And the ghost had the same name as his, he was an ancestor.
I would certainly freak out and would fear the same about the following Halloweens.
This story had bones for a longer book.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
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Hi Ric,
When you mentioned the part of the phone home made me smile because I never pick up the phone either. People have my mobile number if they want to call me, exactly my thoughts lol. I only have phone at home because of the broadband.
The descriptions in this writing were vivid and wonderful. I could feel and see everything. You showed well the dreaful look of the man.
The conclusion was spooky and great. It was Theodore J. Doodlewanger who had been brutally murdered on Halloween night, October 31, 1886, one hundred and nineteen years before. And the ghost had the same name as his, he was an ancestor.
I would certainly freak out and would fear the same about the following Halloweens.
This story had bones for a longer book.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much, my sweet friend, for finding time to read my sick little story. Your kind words, comments, and very generous six-star review are greatly appreciated. Nothing is more special to me than for those people like you who pick up on the little things that I throw in to make my stories easy to relate, like making my character have such a comical name. It does take from the story, but it gives the reader a break for a breath. You have made my day! :-)
Comment from Julia.
Oooh, very creepy! I like ghost stories quite a bit so this was right up my alley. I really like some of your descriptions, such as "Looking so bony and brittle enough to break, his huge blue veins and broken-red vessels showed more lines than a roadmap through his tissue-thin skin" and "Withered and weather-beaten, the old man had a face resembling crackled stone, looking every bit of a hundred-fifty years old. Deep squiggly lines with more ridges than tree bark."
I did notice just a couple of punctuation items:
"I flipped the security lock as I opened the door, and welcomed the visitor with a hearty greeting" --> You don't need a comma after "door" since there are only two verb phrases in the sentence.
"The next morning I walked to the mailbox by the road..." --> You do need a comma after "morning"
Otherwise, though, excellent job!
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2015
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Oooh, very creepy! I like ghost stories quite a bit so this was right up my alley. I really like some of your descriptions, such as "Looking so bony and brittle enough to break, his huge blue veins and broken-red vessels showed more lines than a roadmap through his tissue-thin skin" and "Withered and weather-beaten, the old man had a face resembling crackled stone, looking every bit of a hundred-fifty years old. Deep squiggly lines with more ridges than tree bark."
I did notice just a couple of punctuation items:
"I flipped the security lock as I opened the door, and welcomed the visitor with a hearty greeting" --> You don't need a comma after "door" since there are only two verb phrases in the sentence.
"The next morning I walked to the mailbox by the road..." --> You do need a comma after "morning"
Otherwise, though, excellent job!
Comment Written 03-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2015
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Thanks for pointing out my blunders, that I always manage to read right through, getting in too big of a hurry. These were both cases caused by last-second changes and not re-reading. Thanks so much, Julia, for finding time to read my sick little story. Your kind words, suggestions, and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
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You're welcome. :) The same thing happens to me, sometimes even with text I've read a number of times. It's like our eyes see what we expect to be there--what we thought we wrote--instead of what is actually on the page.
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Isn't that the truth. Just read right through it. Sometimes I do such silly things that it's embarrassing to be "Dumber than a Second Grader." Maybe that's "Fifth Grader." :-)
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
This was well written, Rick - and really creepy - so apt
for Halloween -
I know they make a big thing of it in the USA,
whole stores made over to selling costumes and such,
but over here, it's only the little ones who dress up
and we don't decorate our houses, only put carved
pumpkin faces on our doorsteps. We make more of Christmas.
Margaret
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2015
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This was well written, Rick - and really creepy - so apt
for Halloween -
I know they make a big thing of it in the USA,
whole stores made over to selling costumes and such,
but over here, it's only the little ones who dress up
and we don't decorate our houses, only put carved
pumpkin faces on our doorsteps. We make more of Christmas.
Margaret
Comment Written 03-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much, Margaret, for finding time to read my sick little story. It is always an honor for such a talented writer and wordsmith to enjoy my humble beginnings. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from sbedian
Good short piece, very creepy ending with the realization of this horrific ghost. I liked the use of the newspaper to add an element to the story. It reads well, has good grammar, good punctuation, and good spelling. Keep writing, I'd like to read more from you in the future.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2015
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Good short piece, very creepy ending with the realization of this horrific ghost. I liked the use of the newspaper to add an element to the story. It reads well, has good grammar, good punctuation, and good spelling. Keep writing, I'd like to read more from you in the future.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much for finding time to read my sick little story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Journey woman
I enjoyed the storyline and the descriptive words really made me feel like I was standing at the door. The odors you described made me cringe and I wondered how the character could hold stand at the door long enough to try to find out who the guy was. I like how it ended too. Well done.
Journey Woman
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2015
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I enjoyed the storyline and the descriptive words really made me feel like I was standing at the door. The odors you described made me cringe and I wondered how the character could hold stand at the door long enough to try to find out who the guy was. I like how it ended too. Well done.
Journey Woman
Comment Written 02-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much for finding time to read my sick little story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Ulla
Excellent written story about an anscestor as it turns out come visiting. I have a little difficulty seeing where the Statue of liberty comes into it. An enjoyable read overall.
and grapped a couple chocolate covered cupcakes = and grapped a couple of chocolate cupcakes.
All the best. Ulla
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Excellent written story about an anscestor as it turns out come visiting. I have a little difficulty seeing where the Statue of liberty comes into it. An enjoyable read overall.
and grapped a couple chocolate covered cupcakes = and grapped a couple of chocolate cupcakes.
All the best. Ulla
Comment Written 02-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Oops, grapped, and no one had caught it yet. LOL. The only significance to the Statue of Liberty was it being donated 119 years ago and a few days before Halloween, and the brutal murder of Doodlewanger was Halloween night two days later. Our local newspaper use to always have articles that happened on that day or week in history, as did many others. Guess I'm just getting old and out dated. Thanks for finding time to read my sick little story. Your kind words, comments, and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from cherie stone
I'm not sure what to say about this piece. I love Science fiction and horror genre that is well written and well researched. The use of adjectives can sometimes be overused with a hint of cliche.
The hero should have taken his cell phone to the door or perhaps didn't open it in the first place.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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I'm not sure what to say about this piece. I love Science fiction and horror genre that is well written and well researched. The use of adjectives can sometimes be overused with a hint of cliche.
The hero should have taken his cell phone to the door or perhaps didn't open it in the first place.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Different strokes for different folks. I'm just glad that the majority disagree.
Comment from jpduck
I enjoyed the concept of this story -- the visit from a murdered ancestor.
I'm afraid, though, that I feel there are a number of significant problems. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'All I could think was why in the heck I hadn't had that damn thing turned off.' (If, as I assume, you are here using italics to indicate the narrator's thoughts, then you shouldn't also use 'All I could think was' -- the italics tell you this. In addition, if, for some reason, you should feel a need to keep 'All I could think was', then these words should NOT be in italics as they are not part of the words he actually thought).
'through[out] my esophagus, and into my mouth'
'The old timer had [but] slightly more meat on his bones than a skeleton[.]*,m*' (This type of use of 'but' has rather dubious legitimacy, and, at best, is antique. I feel there is no place for it in modern writing. In any case, deleting it makes no difference whatever to the meaning of the sentence).
'Oddly, no sooner had he appeared, than while making facial expressions of a crying child, he walked down the porch steps and faded into the misty night' (I feel this doesn't add up; where was the time for him to do all that eyeing the narrator up and down?)
Please remember that all reviews, even those of professional critics (which I'm certainly not), are nothing more nor less than personal opinion -- with the possible exception of SPAGs and typos.
Adrian
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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I enjoyed the concept of this story -- the visit from a murdered ancestor.
I'm afraid, though, that I feel there are a number of significant problems. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'All I could think was why in the heck I hadn't had that damn thing turned off.' (If, as I assume, you are here using italics to indicate the narrator's thoughts, then you shouldn't also use 'All I could think was' -- the italics tell you this. In addition, if, for some reason, you should feel a need to keep 'All I could think was', then these words should NOT be in italics as they are not part of the words he actually thought).
'through[out] my esophagus, and into my mouth'
'The old timer had [but] slightly more meat on his bones than a skeleton[.]*,m*' (This type of use of 'but' has rather dubious legitimacy, and, at best, is antique. I feel there is no place for it in modern writing. In any case, deleting it makes no difference whatever to the meaning of the sentence).
'Oddly, no sooner had he appeared, than while making facial expressions of a crying child, he walked down the porch steps and faded into the misty night' (I feel this doesn't add up; where was the time for him to do all that eyeing the narrator up and down?)
Please remember that all reviews, even those of professional critics (which I'm certainly not), are nothing more nor less than personal opinion -- with the possible exception of SPAGs and typos.
Adrian
Comment Written 02-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Thanks for finding time to read my sick little story. Your comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated. :-)