I Should Have Stayed
A true story of grief7 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi April
This is a well done lament with varying rhyme scheme that tells of your guilt feeling and grief over your friends death. You can't blame yourself. He might have chosen to drive drunk even if you stayed there. I think anyone taking abuse would leave.
Keep writing and stay heathy.
Have a nice weekend.
Joan
P S I would like to tell you that I recently had a book published titled
"The Interloper and other stories in prose and poetry". It is available
on Amazon.com and there is a link to it at the bottom of my profile
page here.
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Hi April
This is a well done lament with varying rhyme scheme that tells of your guilt feeling and grief over your friends death. You can't blame yourself. He might have chosen to drive drunk even if you stayed there. I think anyone taking abuse would leave.
Keep writing and stay heathy.
Have a nice weekend.
Joan
P S I would like to tell you that I recently had a book published titled
"The Interloper and other stories in prose and poetry". It is available
on Amazon.com and there is a link to it at the bottom of my profile
page here.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2025
Comment from RGstar
Thought I'd look in on you. Beautiful. I have not read from you before, even though this sounds familiar. I wondered if I had brushed past it a day. Yet, If a true story, so sad, and hope you find solace in some way or some form.
You deserve a brighter day., for your words are kind.
My very best to you.
Have a great day.
RGstar
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Thought I'd look in on you. Beautiful. I have not read from you before, even though this sounds familiar. I wondered if I had brushed past it a day. Yet, If a true story, so sad, and hope you find solace in some way or some form.
You deserve a brighter day., for your words are kind.
My very best to you.
Have a great day.
RGstar
Comment Written 16-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Thank you for your review! It means alot!
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My pleasure
Comment from Jan Anderegg
Oh, my. Is that a photograph of the two of you? This is such a sad story. Of course it was not your fault. Try as we may, we cannot change people, no matter how much we want them to do so. It is a tragedy that this happened. I am so sorry.
The poem is a fitting and beautiful tribute to your friend. I found no errors.
All the best in the contest,
Jan
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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Oh, my. Is that a photograph of the two of you? This is such a sad story. Of course it was not your fault. Try as we may, we cannot change people, no matter how much we want them to do so. It is a tragedy that this happened. I am so sorry.
The poem is a fitting and beautiful tribute to your friend. I found no errors.
All the best in the contest,
Jan
Comment Written 14-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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Thank you so much for your kind review. It means alot to me. :)
Comment from 24chas
This was a very powerful piece. The emotion really screams off the screen at the reader and pulls them in to the poem. I'm sorry for your loss and I can feel your pain. I went through something similar and can understand what you're saying. A couple of nits:
A (I) saw a car crashed into a wall
I prayed for (you or maybe delete for) as I passed that night
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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This was a very powerful piece. The emotion really screams off the screen at the reader and pulls them in to the poem. I'm sorry for your loss and I can feel your pain. I went through something similar and can understand what you're saying. A couple of nits:
A (I) saw a car crashed into a wall
I prayed for (you or maybe delete for) as I passed that night
Comment Written 14-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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I appreciate you taking the time to help me with my corrections! I changed a few things! Thank you so much!
Comment from Boogienights
This is so poignant and heartwrenching. Just as you cried while writing this poem, I am crying while writing this review. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't blame yourself. "Staying" doesn't sound like it would have been the healthy thing to do. I'm sure your loved one is watching over you and misses you just as much as you miss him. The structure of the poem is quite impressive as well, your words flow effortlessly, with the ryhmeing falling perfectly into place without trying. I really love this peice. I hope you win the contest. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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This is so poignant and heartwrenching. Just as you cried while writing this poem, I am crying while writing this review. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't blame yourself. "Staying" doesn't sound like it would have been the healthy thing to do. I'm sure your loved one is watching over you and misses you just as much as you miss him. The structure of the poem is quite impressive as well, your words flow effortlessly, with the ryhmeing falling perfectly into place without trying. I really love this peice. I hope you win the contest. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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Thank you so much for your kind review. It means alot to me. :)
Comment from Tina Crute
This was a well-written story in a poem. I am so sorry about your loss. You write about it as if all these thoughts are floating through your brain and there's no punctuation. That's appropriate for the grief-stricken thoughts. You did a great job with this. Sometimes bad things happen that we can't control. I hope the grief gets better with time. Lecrae Background is appropriate, but Subway the picture of you two together :-) I wish you all the best :-)
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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This was a well-written story in a poem. I am so sorry about your loss. You write about it as if all these thoughts are floating through your brain and there's no punctuation. That's appropriate for the grief-stricken thoughts. You did a great job with this. Sometimes bad things happen that we can't control. I hope the grief gets better with time. Lecrae Background is appropriate, but Subway the picture of you two together :-) I wish you all the best :-)
Comment Written 13-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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Thank you so much for your kind review. It means alot to me. :)
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You are welcome!
Have a great Monday!:)
Comment from HealingMuse
Hi Contest Author,
Oh, my gosh! This is such a sad poem. I sure hope for your sake that this is fiction. If not, please get professional help if you can.
I have recently released the "Grieving Hearts Heal" series to help bereaved hearts and souls to resolve their grief.
If this is a real situation, you may want to read the 2 "unfinished business" releases in that series.
Best of luck in the contest and thanks for sharing.
Jan :-)
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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Hi Contest Author,
Oh, my gosh! This is such a sad poem. I sure hope for your sake that this is fiction. If not, please get professional help if you can.
I have recently released the "Grieving Hearts Heal" series to help bereaved hearts and souls to resolve their grief.
If this is a real situation, you may want to read the 2 "unfinished business" releases in that series.
Best of luck in the contest and thanks for sharing.
Jan :-)
Comment Written 13-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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Thank you so much for your kind review. It means alot to me. :)
