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"The Book of Trump"


Chapter 2
Jaws

By Harambe is ur Daddy

white nationalist
fish makes ocean great again,
gets treated meanly

Author Notes Apparently the 45th President watched Shark Week and was not a fan. This is a 5-7-5 parody of a film review.

"The Committee sincerely regrets to inform you that your entry, JAWS, has been removed from the MOVIE REVIEW HAIKUcontest. The sponsor stated clearly in the rules that entries need to be written as a movie review."


Chapter 3
DJT is ↑

By Harambe is ur Daddy


DJT is up today
fourteen percent! Oh what a play
To buy this pearl of great price
and earn my seat in paradise,

I swore an oath to liquefy
my stuff to boost my share supply,
and watch until it goes sky high --
only fools diversify

I sold my schooner at the dock
and traded in the cash for stock

I sold my dog for 60 shares
I sold my dad for 50 shares

I sold a kidney in Mumbai
My spleen was sold in south Shanghai

I sold my gun for 30 shares
I sold a lung for 20 shares

My hair got five shares, teeth got four
I failed to sell my stool for more

I tried to sell my sperm for three
I stopped when blood showed in my pee

Lovers love and haters hate
I'm going through the golden gate
In DJT I place my fate;
All I gotta do is wait

Author Notes The image is an screenshot of the DJT stock ticker as of right now (March 27, 2024 after hours)


Chapter 4
DJT is ↓

By Harambe is ur Daddy

STORM IN A TEACUP:
DJT HAS FALLEN HARD.
WILL THE ROMANCE LAST?

Author Notes
I took the following pictures from inside Trump Tower in Chicago yesterday, which seemed appropriate for this piece: an advertisement for massage treatments, and a beautiful shelf full of fake books.






Other works on Trump:
DJT is ↑
Party Pooper
Jaws

Other works on Biden:
Suffer the Little Children
Afghani Love Affair
Homage
Constipated


Chapter 5
Trump Poem for Kids

By Harambe is ur Daddy

Put a gold star on a product that's kitsch
Race to the top to become filthy rich
Stormy was hot but she's now an old witch
Look at what happens to sissies who snitch

Biden is stupider than green plantains
Kamala's dumb and she ain't got no brains
Democrats venerate John Maynard Keynes
Trump is a cockroach with capital gains

Excuse me. It's time to learn Trump ABCs
A is for Angel investors. Yes please
B is for big league Trump brand licensees
C's for solutions that only Trump sees

I popped Soleimani like juicy salami
I made Al-Baghdadi go cry for his mommy
Everyone loves me unless they're a commie
Trump's gonna win in a massive tsunami!

Author Notes Image from a free AI art forum


Chapter 6
Infected

By Harambe is ur Daddy

I feel it rising

beneath my soft supple skin:
urge to vote for TRUMP

Author Notes image by Dezgo AI


Chapter 7
Election Erection

By Harambe is ur Daddy

Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of language.

The spring started out with a bang
With Stephanie Clifford's harangue
It became rather stormy
The graphics just floored me
Describing the shape of his wang

The summer kicked off with a shot
An assassin nearby was not caught
We all watched Trump bleed
While Cheatle's pants peed
As she tried to keep covered the plot

They said he'd go down in the fall
When she won the first round of the brawl
With a billion spent
They did not save a cent
But the radio shows were their downfall

The political cycle has run
The Kamala cabal was real fun
Joe flipped us the bird and
We've now been unburdened
By blowhard celebs in the sun

She said she would sue Exxon Valdez
But as border czar she's like Cortez
To quench her great thirst
She shall be the first
To certify Trump as the prez

Take care when you walk down an alley
Quite soon she may set off to Cali
She'll be hunting for meat
She's got puppies to eat
In the sweet spots of Silicon Valley

Author Notes opensource image edited by author


Chapter 8
Trump's revenge

By Harambe is ur Daddy

Eight long years ago,
Biden certified Trump's win.
Kamala will next.

Author Notes image from here


Chapter 9
Blocked Writer

By Harambe is ur Daddy

Even though I won,

when I try to stop the steal,
Facebook
bans my rants.

Author Notes Image by author


Chapter 10
A Few of My Favorite Things

By Harambe is ur Daddy


Whiskers on noses
and raindrops on Britons
Warm woolen rebels
and white dapper Wiccans
Brown Injun savages
tied up with string
These are a few
of my favorite things

Cream colored cronies
and crook Yankee Doodles
Burn cells and gun shells
and swift grappling noodles
Eagles that cry when
they're shorn of their wings
These are a few
of my favorite things

Cops in compresses
with red satin gashes
Snowflakes that beg while
my battleaxe smashes
Pilf'ring white winners
absconding with bling
These are a few
of my favorite things

When the law cites
When the plea rings
When I'm feeling sad

I simply remember
my favorite things
And then I don't feel so mad

Author Notes Originally started for the "Things I Love" contest, but I only started writing it an hour before the deadline, and ran out of time.

Writing it was an immersive exercise, my mental state writing mirroring the timeline of the news I saw on the Capitol invasion. First, there was just a silly picture of the guy with the horns and a bunch of other bumbling guys in hats. Then, the news of what had actually happened started to roll in. (I even saw one of my classmates from high school running around; he was the first guy to get sentenced). This poem/song/whatever starts similarly, with lighthearted historical references, before taking a crimson curve. One of my brothers who worked in the State Department was working in the Capitol building when this happened. Shortly after, he called for the President's resignation, and was promptly fired.


For all the excited Democrats reading this: I have something very special coming for you very soon! Keep your ears pealed.

You all should know where this song is from, but I am copying the lyrics below anyway:


Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels;
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles;
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings;
These are a few of my favorite things.
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver-white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things
When the dog bites,
When the bee stings,
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.


Chapter 11
The Burninator

By Harambe is ur Daddy

I've been wondering --
who started all those darn fires!?

It must have been
TRUMP

Author Notes image by author


Chapter 12
Comeback

By Harambe is ur Daddy

Stump:
his call
for a wall
most people laughed
and then, when it was fall
the media claimed he was daft
bringing up bone spurs, how he dodged the draft
Yet as they mocked him, each new poll he got a bump --
one by one, his opponents got the shaft,
each cut adrift on a life raft.
Though his words may appall,
he plies his craft.
The cabal,
they howl:
TRUMP!

Author Notes image from Shutterstock


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