Biographical Non-Fiction posted December 4, 2023 | Chapters: | ...13 14 -15- 16... |
Never take anything at face value.
A chapter in the book Spectre
The Illusion
by Lea Tonin1
The author has placed a warning on this post for violence.
The author has placed a warning on this post for language.
Bow to the majesty of the mountains as they race slowly by.
Curtsey to the enormous force that causes their migration.
Give your awe to the oceans might who carves the earths face.
Show deference to the velvet sky bouncing the moons ball forward.
Marvel at the gliding golden orb, its magnificent shine of life.
Who are we to say the earth is not allowed to be. How do we justify its demise?
How do we save what was?
It starts like this...
I will not beat my child today...and...recycle.
************************************
I always feel light after visits in the mountains. If I could live there forever, I'm sure that I would. That is a matter of planning though.
There is nothing in the world like this beautiful province of ours. In my travels, I have never seen anything more lovely than Gods finger on this land.
Leaving the mountains and coming down into the valley. I feel as if I've slipped back into the pea soup of life, wading through the BS of my mother's deeds.
I was trying to get over the shock that my father is not my father.
That she will not tell me who is, doesn't surprise me at all. Because now she thinks she has power and she will dangle it like a carrot in front of me. She's still calling here trying to get my uncle to throw me out.
She keeps saying I'm dangerous, that he should get rid of me. The woman is driven. I will give her that.
All of her actions, since I started writing, speaks of fear to me.
Soon the hammer will fall.
Soon all will be revealed.
When it does it will not be by my hand...just the revealing of theirs.
*****************************
I heard another scream, a grunt and a large bang followed by children crying! It was so loud, I almost fell off the couch as I scrambled to sit up! I stood and ran to the landing.
Looking up the stairs I could see two children clutching their blankets with big eyes and tears rolling out of them. I gave the two young children the peace sign and beckoned them to come down. They came to me willingly. I sat them down on the coach. They we're crying, asking for their mother and jumping at every bang.
"Stay here ok? I'm going to check. Promise not to move unless your mother comes. Yes?"
They both nodded. I gave them the peace sign again then rushed back to the landing.
Another loud thump and crash got me up those stairs. Looking around the living room I could see smashed furniture tossed items strewn about. From the kitchen I could hear a woman talking in a soothing, if quavering voice, and a man growling in return. I crept closer to the kitchen. Peeking my head around the corner, she saw me.
Her eyes grew wide and she shook her head slightly as if to say,"Don't come in."
I stepped back, ready to pounce at any moment should it be needed.
I heard guttural growls, like an order of some kind coming from her husband. Then advancing footsteps, another crash of a pan being thrown. Then I heard a woman's voice pleading. A scuffling...then silence...more scuffling another bang. That's it! I couldn't stand there any longer!
I ran into the kitchen and saw his hands around her neck as he pushed her up against the fridge. Her face getting purple as she struggled.
That rage! The rage at the site in front of me, shot through me like an arrow! I jumped on his back and pulled my arm around his neck and yanked as hard as I could! For a split second she was free, just long enough to get out of his grip. He then grabbed my arm and tossed me to the floor landing into the cupboards. He shouted something in his language shaking his fist at me. Then glared at his wife growling and shaking fists at her. He grabbed his keys and stomped out the door. An engine rumbled then faded. I looked over at Mrs. D and could see the anguish in her face.
I stood and walked over to her. "Are you ok? Do you need to go to a hospital?"
"No, no hospital," she rasped.
I didn't question it. I understood the need to not have authorities involved. In my experience, they do not help.
I looked at her neck which showed angry purple finger marks on her olive skin. I quickly grabbed her a glass of water.
"Your kids are downstairs on the couch where I asked them to stay. I'll go check them."
She nodded drinking sips of the water I gave her. Down the stairs I went locking the front door as I went. Walking into the small living room where the two crying children were still on the couch. Fright must have kept them there. Whatever it was, I was glad for it.
"It's alright now. It's over. Your Dad went for a drive and your mom's upstairs okay? Let's go see her and she can put you guys to bed."
They nodded and up we went. She had a silk scarf around her neck so the children didn't see the marks. She gave them each hugs and brought them to their room.
Mrs. D came out of the bedroom after a short time. Comforting her children no doubt.
"Are you sure you don't want help? You're the mother, maybe it will be different for you." I said.
"No." She said again. "No help."
I said no more.
Quietly I took a garbage bag, the broom and dust pan and began to clean up. After a few minutes of picking up broken items, I looked over at Mrs. D who was crying softly.
I didn't quite know what to do except offer her a consoling look. After a few minutes, she picked up the broom and started to sweep.
As we worked, I couldn't help but wonder what would happen next? Has the other shoe dropped?
Or perhaps it's all just illusion....
************************
Remembering that night, I recall it was a sleepless one. But it was not unfamiliar to me. I knew how to react in a violent situation. I'd seen it many times and been a part of it more than I wanted to remember.
This event marked a turning point in mind. My thoughts and actions towards abuse changed. It seemed rage would be my savior after all and could banish the victim in me forever.
I remember these moments of revelation. Not thinking they were at the time. Funny how realization takes time to catch up.
Let's fight the good fight instead....
Bow to the majesty of the mountains as they race slowly by.
Curtsey to the enormous force that causes their migration.
Give your awe to the oceans might who carves the earths face.
Show deference to the velvet sky bouncing the moons ball forward.
Marvel at the gliding golden orb, its magnificent shine of life.
Who are we to say the earth is not allowed to be. How do we justify its demise?
How do we save what was?
It starts like this...
I will not beat my child today...and...recycle.
************************************
I always feel light after visits in the mountains. If I could live there forever, I'm sure that I would. That is a matter of planning though.
There is nothing in the world like this beautiful province of ours. In my travels, I have never seen anything more lovely than Gods finger on this land.
Leaving the mountains and coming down into the valley. I feel as if I've slipped back into the pea soup of life, wading through the BS of my mother's deeds.
I was trying to get over the shock that my father is not my father.
That she will not tell me who is, doesn't surprise me at all. Because now she thinks she has power and she will dangle it like a carrot in front of me. She's still calling here trying to get my uncle to throw me out.
She keeps saying I'm dangerous, that he should get rid of me. The woman is driven. I will give her that.
All of her actions, since I started writing, speaks of fear to me.
Soon the hammer will fall.
Soon all will be revealed.
When it does it will not be by my hand...just the revealing of theirs.
*****************************
I heard another scream, a grunt and a large bang followed by children crying! It was so loud, I almost fell off the couch as I scrambled to sit up! I stood and ran to the landing.
Looking up the stairs I could see two children clutching their blankets with big eyes and tears rolling out of them. I gave the two young children the peace sign and beckoned them to come down. They came to me willingly. I sat them down on the coach. They we're crying, asking for their mother and jumping at every bang.
"Stay here ok? I'm going to check. Promise not to move unless your mother comes. Yes?"
They both nodded. I gave them the peace sign again then rushed back to the landing.
Another loud thump and crash got me up those stairs. Looking around the living room I could see smashed furniture tossed items strewn about. From the kitchen I could hear a woman talking in a soothing, if quavering voice, and a man growling in return. I crept closer to the kitchen. Peeking my head around the corner, she saw me.
Her eyes grew wide and she shook her head slightly as if to say,"Don't come in."
I stepped back, ready to pounce at any moment should it be needed.
I heard guttural growls, like an order of some kind coming from her husband. Then advancing footsteps, another crash of a pan being thrown. Then I heard a woman's voice pleading. A scuffling...then silence...more scuffling another bang. That's it! I couldn't stand there any longer!
I ran into the kitchen and saw his hands around her neck as he pushed her up against the fridge. Her face getting purple as she struggled.
That rage! The rage at the site in front of me, shot through me like an arrow! I jumped on his back and pulled my arm around his neck and yanked as hard as I could! For a split second she was free, just long enough to get out of his grip. He then grabbed my arm and tossed me to the floor landing into the cupboards. He shouted something in his language shaking his fist at me. Then glared at his wife growling and shaking fists at her. He grabbed his keys and stomped out the door. An engine rumbled then faded. I looked over at Mrs. D and could see the anguish in her face.
I stood and walked over to her. "Are you ok? Do you need to go to a hospital?"
"No, no hospital," she rasped.
I didn't question it. I understood the need to not have authorities involved. In my experience, they do not help.
I looked at her neck which showed angry purple finger marks on her olive skin. I quickly grabbed her a glass of water.
"Your kids are downstairs on the couch where I asked them to stay. I'll go check them."
She nodded drinking sips of the water I gave her. Down the stairs I went locking the front door as I went. Walking into the small living room where the two crying children were still on the couch. Fright must have kept them there. Whatever it was, I was glad for it.
"It's alright now. It's over. Your Dad went for a drive and your mom's upstairs okay? Let's go see her and she can put you guys to bed."
They nodded and up we went. She had a silk scarf around her neck so the children didn't see the marks. She gave them each hugs and brought them to their room.
Mrs. D came out of the bedroom after a short time. Comforting her children no doubt.
"Are you sure you don't want help? You're the mother, maybe it will be different for you." I said.
"No." She said again. "No help."
I said no more.
Quietly I took a garbage bag, the broom and dust pan and began to clean up. After a few minutes of picking up broken items, I looked over at Mrs. D who was crying softly.
I didn't quite know what to do except offer her a consoling look. After a few minutes, she picked up the broom and started to sweep.
As we worked, I couldn't help but wonder what would happen next? Has the other shoe dropped?
Or perhaps it's all just illusion....
************************
Remembering that night, I recall it was a sleepless one. But it was not unfamiliar to me. I knew how to react in a violent situation. I'd seen it many times and been a part of it more than I wanted to remember.
This event marked a turning point in mind. My thoughts and actions towards abuse changed. It seemed rage would be my savior after all and could banish the victim in me forever.
I remember these moments of revelation. Not thinking they were at the time. Funny how realization takes time to catch up.
Let's fight the good fight instead....
This is a chapter in an auto bio called Spectre book two in a trilogy. Book One is called Ghost and both can be found in my portfolio if you wished to read. One word of caution. Some chapters are hard to digest. Reader discretion is advised.
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