Biographical Non-Fiction posted December 8, 2023 | Chapters: | ...17 18 -19- 20... |
The exposure of one face to show another.
A chapter in the book Spectre
Disguise
by Lea Tonin1
The author has placed a warning on this post for violence.
The author has placed a warning on this post for language.
She trips along on infant feet.
Seeking mom just silence greets.
Where is mom? She asked all week.
Soon forgets, never to meet.
Child grows, limbs are longer.
Lost to mom, she won't call her.
No protection, she won't bother.
That or fist, one or another.
One or other, seeks life the same.
We can't ask as she's to blame.
Wish to hide as it's her name.
Sever ties, recall her game.
*****************************
I think sometimes we need to spend time being introspective.
Most of our answers are within ourselves, it's a matter of finding the path. It sounds simple, but it's not, I know. Anything worth having takes work. Well, I'm approaching retirement age. Let's get the show on the road. If life was so easy. If answers and if everything we do is so easy, I think that we would be a more peaceful race.
Sing to your sadness and beat on your drum.
No place to find us so be on the run.
Crippled in silence because we are one.
Drop now you're metal and see that you've won.
I tried to remember that I'm one human soul in the vast hall of souls.
Living and not living, to learn, to remember, to perfect my soul.
God made all kinds of plants, all kinds of animals, all kinds of people and all kinds of planets surrounding all kinds of stars. Those planets could very well hold all kinds of humanoid life too. It worked for me.
But...what do I know.
My sister received notice that her documents are ready for pick up. The first batch of proof coming our way. I, however, received a letter saying that it would be until the end of January. Given the huge amount of information I'm like.
Wow, that's probably because I've had 6 different names growing up. Thank my mother for that mass confusion. But, the ball rolls just the same. No matter the camouflage written, visual or by the ear.
It makes no difference to the pile of the paperwork coming my way.
Since hers has come way ahead of mine, we cannot use each other as sounding boards for this it seems. I may have to do this alone after all.
Time to saddle up the horses again. Time to go take a peek at 1982. The world of fear and what corner to turn. Back to Mrs. D and to the girl I was.
*****************************
It seemed quiet for a couple of days. Perhaps it's the honeymoon stage that they talk about in the fear circle of abuse.
In the beginning they're nice, then it's the nit picking, then name calling, followed by physical abuse, followed by the apology. The back to the honeymoon stage, then round and round we go. It just cycles over and over. I had finished a shift at work and received a family bucket of chicken.
Going to the front door, I walked up the stairs toward the kitchen and placed the bucket of chicken on the table. I heard some rapid-fire speech between husband and wife then Mrs. D picked up the bucket of chicken and passed it to me.
She waved me off as if to say, take it and go. So I left but not so fast as to not catch the glare of Mr. D's eyes on me. I took the chicken downstairs wondering what the issue was and what the exchange was about. Once again, all the hairs across my neck and arms were standing up at attention. My spidey sense was tingling louder than usual. I listened closely to the rise and fall of their voices. I knew what I was listening for too. The tell tale signs of danger.
The clip of syllables and the deep rumble of Mr. D's voice clearly sounded malevolent to me...like a growl.
Mrs. D's voice sounded the opposite. Placating and soft. It was unclear whether the voices were escalating or descalating. After a while the voices quieted but I still didnt like it.
I leaned back and listened, then felt myself drift off into a light sleep.
I was dreaming.
I knew this because I could see his fist come at me faster than life. Nothing in reality could move that fast and no fist could be so big. Just when I was sure of connection, my eyes snapped open.
I looked around, it was dark and I still hadn't taken off my work clothes. Quietly I changed into a night shirt. Then I ate a quick piece of chicken, lay down on the couch once again. It was quiet. It was much too quiet. It was happening or, something was going to happen. I could feel it in my bones. A shimmer deep within the marrow radiating outward. I waited, there was no sound but, that feeling still persisted. I waited so long that finally, I began to drift away again. Sleep took me for the next few hours. The reason for my trepidation made itself known. So much so I thought the sound would break my ear drums. "Aaargghhhhaarghhaaaiiieeee!!"
I ran to the stairwell in time to see Mrs. D getting tossed down the steps to the landing at my feet. I looked up in time to see Mr. D had thrown something heavy and dark which bounced off my skull.
Starlight, blackness...lights out....
************************
Even though things were terrible, the hours zipped quickly by. The adrenaline and the unbelievable amounts of energy used to stay alert was palpable....
Going back introspection while the time is nigh....
She trips along on infant feet.
Seeking mom just silence greets.
Where is mom? She asked all week.
Soon forgets, never to meet.
Child grows, limbs are longer.
Lost to mom, she won't call her.
No protection, she won't bother.
That or fist, one or another.
One or other, seeks life the same.
We can't ask as she's to blame.
Wish to hide as it's her name.
Sever ties, recall her game.
*****************************
I think sometimes we need to spend time being introspective.
Most of our answers are within ourselves, it's a matter of finding the path. It sounds simple, but it's not, I know. Anything worth having takes work. Well, I'm approaching retirement age. Let's get the show on the road. If life was so easy. If answers and if everything we do is so easy, I think that we would be a more peaceful race.
Sing to your sadness and beat on your drum.
No place to find us so be on the run.
Crippled in silence because we are one.
Drop now you're metal and see that you've won.
I tried to remember that I'm one human soul in the vast hall of souls.
Living and not living, to learn, to remember, to perfect my soul.
God made all kinds of plants, all kinds of animals, all kinds of people and all kinds of planets surrounding all kinds of stars. Those planets could very well hold all kinds of humanoid life too. It worked for me.
But...what do I know.
My sister received notice that her documents are ready for pick up. The first batch of proof coming our way. I, however, received a letter saying that it would be until the end of January. Given the huge amount of information I'm like.
Wow, that's probably because I've had 6 different names growing up. Thank my mother for that mass confusion. But, the ball rolls just the same. No matter the camouflage written, visual or by the ear.
It makes no difference to the pile of the paperwork coming my way.
Since hers has come way ahead of mine, we cannot use each other as sounding boards for this it seems. I may have to do this alone after all.
Time to saddle up the horses again. Time to go take a peek at 1982. The world of fear and what corner to turn. Back to Mrs. D and to the girl I was.
*****************************
It seemed quiet for a couple of days. Perhaps it's the honeymoon stage that they talk about in the fear circle of abuse.
In the beginning they're nice, then it's the nit picking, then name calling, followed by physical abuse, followed by the apology. The back to the honeymoon stage, then round and round we go. It just cycles over and over. I had finished a shift at work and received a family bucket of chicken.
Going to the front door, I walked up the stairs toward the kitchen and placed the bucket of chicken on the table. I heard some rapid-fire speech between husband and wife then Mrs. D picked up the bucket of chicken and passed it to me.
She waved me off as if to say, take it and go. So I left but not so fast as to not catch the glare of Mr. D's eyes on me. I took the chicken downstairs wondering what the issue was and what the exchange was about. Once again, all the hairs across my neck and arms were standing up at attention. My spidey sense was tingling louder than usual. I listened closely to the rise and fall of their voices. I knew what I was listening for too. The tell tale signs of danger.
The clip of syllables and the deep rumble of Mr. D's voice clearly sounded malevolent to me...like a growl.
Mrs. D's voice sounded the opposite. Placating and soft. It was unclear whether the voices were escalating or descalating. After a while the voices quieted but I still didnt like it.
I leaned back and listened, then felt myself drift off into a light sleep.
I was dreaming.
I knew this because I could see his fist come at me faster than life. Nothing in reality could move that fast and no fist could be so big. Just when I was sure of connection, my eyes snapped open.
I looked around, it was dark and I still hadn't taken off my work clothes. Quietly I changed into a night shirt. Then I ate a quick piece of chicken, lay down on the couch once again. It was quiet. It was much too quiet. It was happening or, something was going to happen. I could feel it in my bones. A shimmer deep within the marrow radiating outward. I waited, there was no sound but, that feeling still persisted. I waited so long that finally, I began to drift away again. Sleep took me for the next few hours. The reason for my trepidation made itself known. So much so I thought the sound would break my ear drums. "Aaargghhhhaarghhaaaiiieeee!!"
I ran to the stairwell in time to see Mrs. D getting tossed down the steps to the landing at my feet. I looked up in time to see Mr. D had thrown something heavy and dark which bounced off my skull.
Starlight, blackness...lights out....
************************
Even though things were terrible, the hours zipped quickly by. The adrenaline and the unbelievable amounts of energy used to stay alert was palpable....
Going back introspection while the time is nigh....
This chapter is part of an autobio called Spectre part of a 3 book trilogy, this is book number 2. Book one called Ghost can be found in my portfolio. Should you wish to read a word of caution. Some chapters are hard to absorb. Reader discretion is advised.
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