| Biographical Non-Fiction posted December 12, 2023 | Chapters: |
...20 21 -22- 23... 
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One more time around the bases
A chapter in the book Spectre
Mr. D Part 3
by Lea Tonin1
The author has placed a warning on this post for language.
Can we find the apple for the juice
Can we find for the words for the letters
Can we find the drop for the ocean.
Can we find the bird for the flock
There is no seeing without seeing
There is no hearing without hearing
There is no love without love
There is no change without change
The deep dive within can be a scary place
The reflection in the mirror can be a shock
The knowing we are alone within ourselves
The matter at hand must always be truth
This is called 'Integrity'. The reward...peace.
Can you see the forest for the trees?
************************************
The holiday season is upon us. The time of year when families come together. A reunion of loved ones so sweet to experience. The exchange of memories, the feel of arms around you. The bosom of the family. When I see a family close together like that,
I know there's only love. When I witness that, I smile and feel happy that they can experience such a thing.
I would never take that from anyone to have such a joy and peace in their lives.
I smile...and I cry too. I can't avoid it. It's there every year.
The best Christmas present I could give myself would be to stay away from those who cause me pain. So I spend it alone. It truly does give me joy when I see families together. Sometimes they're out for whatever reason. Sometimes they're sitting around the dinner table.
I pray and I hope for the seasons departure. Please do not mistake me. I am happy and glad for everyone out there who has this kind of comfort in their life and it makes me feel happy for them.
It would be a lie for me to say that this time of year is good for me. Right now I'm feeling the loneliness creep up on me. It will increase until the holidays pass.
I wish the tears weren't sitting behind my eyes every day during this time.
I do love the beauty that the season brings
That much I do enjoy.
How do I feel today? A little sad, a little lonely, a little defeated. This too shall pass.
Let us go back now. The clock ticks and the alarm's gone off.
Time to go....
*****************************
I really had to go to the bathroom, super badly. I'm sure Mrs. D needed that too. I tried distracting myself from the need to go. I started by packing up my clothes and getting dressed knowing that whatever resulted, I was gonna have to get out of here for everyone's sake.
But now we were trapped in a room without a window. It was difficult to open the door with out a hammer.
I looked around the room to see if there wasn't a container I could use in case of a go or pee yourself, situation. All I found was a large pop bottle I'd left the previous day.
Then I thought to myself, "What the fuck are you doing? Why are you sitting in here doing nothing? Why are you not trying to get out of here? What the hell is wrong with you?" That's it. My rage rose once again as quick as I think of it, it's there.
It was behind my eyes, the trembling in my hands and the shaking in my limbs.
I said through gritted teeth, " I'm sorry, Mrs. D, I cannot just sit here, be quiet and wait for your husband to calm down. This is ridiculous. I'm getting my ass out of here and I'm taking you and the kids too!"
"I tell joo I cannot go. Not our way. They will take my children. I cannot go," she replied.
"Okay, I understand but, you have to understand my position. I cannot stay here any longer. I will not be locked up and I'm gonna do everything I can to get out of here whether he's calm or not."
Mrs. D put her hands over her ears like she didn't want to hear it.
"He hurt your knee when you got tossed down the stairs. You have purple fingerprint marks all around your neck. One of these times he's not gonna let go or it's gonna be the wrong hit or the wrong landing and something serious will happen to you," I said. "I'm sorry Mrs. D, but I have to."
I looked at the door lock. Sometimes the door knob had a hole in the center where you could push a pen filter through, push the button inside and pop the door open, not the case here. Besides, I didn't have a pen filter.
It seemed to me, on further inspection, that this was a key lock. This made it a little more difficult to get through since the door locked from the outside.
I haven't heard any footsteps upstairs for a while. Nor the footsteps of children which had me concerned. So I concentrated on the task at hand thinking maybe they went out in which case they would not hear me at all. By then I had only one idea
Get out of this room. Get out fast.
*****************************
All the world's in a crystal sleep in the winter time.
Just before spring comes, I can almost hear the rustle of seeds beneath the ground jockeying for position. Spring is my favorite season. However, there's something to be said for the beauty of the sleeping world.
A sense of peace.
I go to chase that peace...wanna join?
Can we find the apple for the juice
Can we find for the words for the letters
Can we find the drop for the ocean.
Can we find the bird for the flock
There is no seeing without seeing
There is no hearing without hearing
There is no love without love
There is no change without change
The deep dive within can be a scary place
The reflection in the mirror can be a shock
The knowing we are alone within ourselves
The matter at hand must always be truth
This is called 'Integrity'. The reward...peace.
Can you see the forest for the trees?
************************************
The holiday season is upon us. The time of year when families come together. A reunion of loved ones so sweet to experience. The exchange of memories, the feel of arms around you. The bosom of the family. When I see a family close together like that,
I know there's only love. When I witness that, I smile and feel happy that they can experience such a thing.
I would never take that from anyone to have such a joy and peace in their lives.
I smile...and I cry too. I can't avoid it. It's there every year.
The best Christmas present I could give myself would be to stay away from those who cause me pain. So I spend it alone. It truly does give me joy when I see families together. Sometimes they're out for whatever reason. Sometimes they're sitting around the dinner table.
I pray and I hope for the seasons departure. Please do not mistake me. I am happy and glad for everyone out there who has this kind of comfort in their life and it makes me feel happy for them.
It would be a lie for me to say that this time of year is good for me. Right now I'm feeling the loneliness creep up on me. It will increase until the holidays pass.
I wish the tears weren't sitting behind my eyes every day during this time.
I do love the beauty that the season brings
That much I do enjoy.
How do I feel today? A little sad, a little lonely, a little defeated. This too shall pass.
Let us go back now. The clock ticks and the alarm's gone off.
Time to go....
*****************************
I really had to go to the bathroom, super badly. I'm sure Mrs. D needed that too. I tried distracting myself from the need to go. I started by packing up my clothes and getting dressed knowing that whatever resulted, I was gonna have to get out of here for everyone's sake.
But now we were trapped in a room without a window. It was difficult to open the door with out a hammer.
I looked around the room to see if there wasn't a container I could use in case of a go or pee yourself, situation. All I found was a large pop bottle I'd left the previous day.
Then I thought to myself, "What the fuck are you doing? Why are you sitting in here doing nothing? Why are you not trying to get out of here? What the hell is wrong with you?" That's it. My rage rose once again as quick as I think of it, it's there.
It was behind my eyes, the trembling in my hands and the shaking in my limbs.
I said through gritted teeth, " I'm sorry, Mrs. D, I cannot just sit here, be quiet and wait for your husband to calm down. This is ridiculous. I'm getting my ass out of here and I'm taking you and the kids too!"
"I tell joo I cannot go. Not our way. They will take my children. I cannot go," she replied.
"Okay, I understand but, you have to understand my position. I cannot stay here any longer. I will not be locked up and I'm gonna do everything I can to get out of here whether he's calm or not."
Mrs. D put her hands over her ears like she didn't want to hear it.
"He hurt your knee when you got tossed down the stairs. You have purple fingerprint marks all around your neck. One of these times he's not gonna let go or it's gonna be the wrong hit or the wrong landing and something serious will happen to you," I said. "I'm sorry Mrs. D, but I have to."
I looked at the door lock. Sometimes the door knob had a hole in the center where you could push a pen filter through, push the button inside and pop the door open, not the case here. Besides, I didn't have a pen filter.
It seemed to me, on further inspection, that this was a key lock. This made it a little more difficult to get through since the door locked from the outside.
I haven't heard any footsteps upstairs for a while. Nor the footsteps of children which had me concerned. So I concentrated on the task at hand thinking maybe they went out in which case they would not hear me at all. By then I had only one idea
Get out of this room. Get out fast.
*****************************
All the world's in a crystal sleep in the winter time.
Just before spring comes, I can almost hear the rustle of seeds beneath the ground jockeying for position. Spring is my favorite season. However, there's something to be said for the beauty of the sleeping world.
A sense of peace.
I go to chase that peace...wanna join?
This story is part of an auto bio called Spectre book 2 in a series of 3. Book 1 is called Ghost. These can be found in my portfolio should you wish to read.
Please note, some chapters are difficult to absorb. Reader discretion is advised.
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