Keeping My Priorities Straight

In 1995, I had just taken on a new job when my mom had a stroke and a heart attack in Mississippi. My husband had retired at 54, and we’d moved to Chattanooga to be near our children. I had to give up my job and rush to Mississippi to be with Mom. She was in a coma, and I stayed by her side for two weeks until she passed away. She had been my dad’s full-time care giver, and now, as an only child, he was my responsibility. We brought him back to Chattanooga to live with us. For the next two years, I became his full-time care giver. His care was so restrictive I was unable to leave the house for over an hour at a time. Two years later, he also died. As much as I loved my parents, there were times it seemed as if my life was passing me by.

There are many heart-wrenching stories I could write about those two years, but I will skip them for now. I needed a break and a way to give myself back some of the time I felt I'd lost. My best friend and cousin, Joy, had gotten herself into her second bad marriage, and her way to cope was to travel. She lived in Florida, and we had not seen each other in 33 years. She was planning a three-week trip to Italy, and she begged me to go with her. Evan knew I needed a break, so he agreed I should go. After all, he’d been to Korea and Japan, and I’d seen very little of the world.

The two of us met at an air-terminal in Philadelphia. We spent some wonderful days touring Italy and catching up with our lost years.

Italy was amazing, and there are many stories I could write about that trip, but it is the following year this story is about. Joy and I were thrilled to be able to do things together again, and I’d been bitten by the travel bug. I had a desire to see more of Europe, and Joy had another trip planned. She wanted me to go to England with her. However, this time, Evan wasn’t so happy to think of me leaving him again. Evan was someone who liked staying at home more than traveling, but he didn’t enjoy being left behind either. Finally, he said, “You and I will take a trip, but I don’t want to go to England. I want to go to Switzerland.”

“Okay, Switzerland has aways been my top choice, too. Joy won’t be happy, but I’ll tell her I will be traveling with you this time.” There was a trip we could book which included, Austria, Germany, Switzerland, and the Italian and French Alps.

Joy had already seen most of Europe several times, but when I told her what Evan and I planned to do, she said. “That is great. I love that part of the world. I’ll change my reservation and join the two of you on that trip.”

Evan wasn’t thrilled, but he went along with it. What else could he do? He didn’t dislike Joy, and although he didn’t say so, I think he was annoyed that he would be sharing me with her. Evan and I would be in a room together, and Joy would have to book a single room. This time we met in Atlanta and flew to Verona to start the tour.

Evan wasn’t one to make friends quickly, although he and one man traveling alone did find some things in common. Still, Joy, stuck to us like Velcro on tours and as we traveled. Joy was an expert photographer, and I enjoyed photography as well. On our previous trip the year before, Joy and I had skipped lunch and spent the time taking photos. She wanted to do that on this trip as well. Evan, on the other hand, looked forward to his mealtimes and coffee breaks.

About midway through the trip we were in Oberammergau, Germany. This is the place which is famous for a well-known passion play. The houses are quaint and have murals painted on them. We were only scheduled to be there over the lunch hour, and my fingers were itching to take pictures. Evan’s stomach was growling to have lunch. Reluctantly, I followed my hungry husband to a restaurant and gobbled down a hasty meal, while Joy went off alone to take pictures.

A little later, Joy came by the restaurant gushing over the great shots she was getting and begging me to come with her. “Evan, why don’t you stay and finish your meal, and I’ll meet you back at the bus. I really want to get some pictures of this place,” I told him as I got up and followed Joy. When he had to walk back to the bus alone, he couldn’t find us, because we were walking on other streets taking pictures. When we finally got together again, my mild-mannered husband was furious. He’d decided we were deliberately avoiding him.

“It is time for you to get your priorities straight,” he told me. “I’m your husband. This trip was supposed to be for us.” When I told Joy what he’d said, she thought it was hilarious. I decided maybe it was the reason she’d had so much trouble with the men in her life. They tend to be sensitive creatures and need to feel special.

I realized that he felt he was in competition with my friend. I went out of my way the rest of the trip to make sure he had the bulk of my attention. From then on, when Evan and I did trips around the states together it was just the two of us. I did travel with Joy and with other friends, but never again did Evan have any desire to go on those trips. He did get a phone call from me every night when I was away telling him how much I loved and missed him. I was determined to keep my priorities straight.