My name is Buffy. I’m only five. I go to kindergarten five days a week. It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it. Well, that’s what my Daddy says all the time when Mommy tells him he’s got to mow the lawn, or go to the store for mommy things. '‘Well it’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it.”

My Daddy’s so funny. After talking to one of our neighbors over the fence, he always comes in, rolls his eyes and says “You know darlin’, ole Bob wants to use my sweet Bessie to mow his lawn. My Bessie, dang it. Tried to sell him the old green hornet, but no, he wants my Bessie! Hell no, she’s oiled just for me.”

I ask Mommy why Daddy calls our bright shiny lawnmower Bessie. Mommy just shakes her head and says my Daddy has a screw loose cause he sometimes thinks the things he just loves to play with are real, like Myrtle, his old blue Chevy.

I ask Mommy why he doesn’t find the screw and screw it back in with his screwdriver and she says even that would not help, he’s too far gone: whatever that means. Grownups do and say funny things.

Like my teacher, Miss Brawner.  We are trying to learn the alphabet, well trying is a funny word, we already know it. Anyway, there are these big plastic blow up dolls dressed in bright colors. Mr. B is one and he has big bright beautiful buttons all over him. He, also, has a record that plays his voice. ‘I’m Mr. B, I’ve got big bright beautiful buttons and I love to bounce, bounce, bounce.’ It’s weird, because he can’t bounce unless we bounce him. After we learn his song and bounce him around, Miss Brawner knocks on her wooden desk and says, “Oh, children, what do I hear? Listen. Knock, knock! We must have a new letter person today. Let us see.” Then she opens the door and there is Mr. C who loves chewy chocolate and crunchy candy. She walks him in, because he can’t walk on his own, puts the record on, because he can’t sing on his own and then tells us how happy he is to meet us. Then you know what she tells us? We must be careful and not play too rough, for if he gets hurt, he has to go to the little people hospital. Little people hospital? I’ve been there before when I fell off my bike and got a really big booboo. I saw a lot of kids, some bigger than me, but I didn’t see any letter people. I told you grownups do and say funny things.

Today Mommy is getting all dressed up. I ask her why. She scoots me out the door and then tells me I don’t have to ride the bus today, she is taking me to school. I ask her why she is taking me to school.

“Well, baby, Miss Brawner left a note in your backpack informing me that she would like to talk to me today.”

Oh, I see. I tell Mommy to wait a minute. I have to go get something. She lets me go and tells me to hurry, we can’t be late. I know just where it is and I am sure it will be needed. I hurry to the car and then she says, “Well, baby, that was fast. What did you forget?"

“Well, Mommy, I had to go get Daddy’s screwdriver.”

Then she laughs and says, “A screwdriver. Is this for a class project? Did Miss Brawner tell you to bring one? I didn’t see that she asked for one in her note.”

“Well, she asked to see you, right?”

“Yes, sweetheart, there is no need for a screwdriver.”

“Yes, Mommy, we need one. You know those letter people?”

“Oh, the alphabet people.”

“Dah, Mommy. She thinks those things are real!”

“Okay, Buffy, but what has that got to do with a screwdriver?”

“I told her yesterday that my Mommy says people like her have a few screws loose and my Mommy says that most times screwing it back in won’t help, you might be too far gone, but my Mommy will try.“