| Humor Fiction posted August 30, 2020 |
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Communication between a senior couple
Senior Drivers
by BethShelby
SETTING: Late model sedan in the driveway of a suburban home.
CHARACTERS:
Bill: Graying gentleman who looks to be in his seventies
Peggy: Bill’s wife, a lady with short gray hair about the same age as Bill
Cop: Wearing a uniform, looks to be nearing retirement age
Scene: Peggy is sitting in the driver’s seat of the car. Bill comes out of the house and walks toward the driver’s side, but stops abruptly when he sees Peggy there.
BILL: What are you doing sitting here. I thought I was driving. I always drive.
PEGGY: You drive too slow. We need to get there sometime today. We’ve got to stop at Walmart. I promised them we’d bring the drinks and napkins.
Bill goes around the other side of the car and gets in the passenger seat and buckles up.
BILL: Please be careful and don’t wreck us.
PEGGY: Do you always have to say that? I’m an excellent driver. I drive all the time.
BILL: Not usually when I’m in the car. I thought you liked me to drive, so you read your book or paint your nails.
PEGGY: Well, I can get us there faster. Besides, the last time we went somewhere, I had to remind you where we were going, twice. You’re getting forgetful.
BILL: I had a lot on my mind that day. I’m as sharp as I ever was. We don’t have to be in such a hurry. They can wait a few minutes to start lunch. They never start anything on time, anyway.
Peggy starts the car and backs out of the driveway quickly.
BILL: Darn it, Peggy! Slow Down! You know you shouldn’t back out that fast. Remember what happened when you hit that tree.
PEGGY: That was forty years ago. Are you never going to forget that? Besides, it was your fault. I was about to get fired because you kept making me late for work every day. I was tired of waiting on you.
BILL: Sure, it was my fault you knocked down a tree and totaled the car. You didn’t get to work on time that day, did you?
PEGGY: Please, forget about that! Why do you always have to bring that up? I haven’t had an accident since. Just sit there and be quiet and let me drive. I promise to get us there safely.
BILL: Okay, I’m not saying another word. I’ll close my eyes and pray.
The car hits a bump in the road, and Bill takes in a sharp breath.
PEGGY: (sarcastically): Are you having trouble breathing?
BILL: No, no problem. I didn’t say a word.
PEGGY: You don’t have to. I hear you biting your tongue.
Bills sighs and closes his eyes. Peggy makes a sharp right turn, which causes Bill to jerk sideways. He opens his eyes.
BILL: Blast It! Peggy! Didn’t you see that stop sign?
Peggy brings the car to a screeching halt and pulls to the side of the street. She unbuckles her belt, opens the door, gets out and goes around.
PEGGY: Fine! We’ll just be late. I’ve had it. There was no one coming for miles in either direction. You drive. I don’t need this.
Bill comes around and gets in the drivers seat. He takes his time buckling his seat belt, looks both ways, and takes off slowly. (Soft music is playing) They drive a couple of minutes in silence. By now, they are getting into heavy traffic.
PEGGY:: (Yelling) YOU’RE PASSING WALMART! I TOLD YOU, WE HAVE TO STOP!
Bill jerks the wheel and reacts without thinking. He crosses two lanes of traffic, narrowly missing a couple of cars and swerves into the Walmart parking lot. A siren sounds as a cop pulls up with flashing red lights.
COP: (Yelling in anger as Bill lower his window) ARE YOU NUTS? WHAT THE *@#** ARE YOU THINKING? YOU NEARLY CAUSED A THREE CAR PILEUP BACK THERE.
PEGGY: I’m sorry sir. It’s all my fault. I yelled at him.
The cop looks at Peggy and shakes his head. He looks sympathetically at Bill.
COP: I’m glad you didn’t get hurt, Sir,. I should give you a ticket, but I’m not going to. I’m married too. However, you look pretty shook-up. Maybe you’d better let your wife drive.
Write A Script contest entry
SETTING: Late model sedan in the driveway of a suburban home.
CHARACTERS:
Bill: Graying gentleman who looks to be in his seventies
Peggy: Bill’s wife, a lady with short gray hair about the same age as Bill
Cop: Wearing a uniform, looks to be nearing retirement age
Scene: Peggy is sitting in the driver’s seat of the car. Bill comes out of the house and walks toward the driver’s side, but stops abruptly when he sees Peggy there.
BILL: What are you doing sitting here. I thought I was driving. I always drive.
PEGGY: You drive too slow. We need to get there sometime today. We’ve got to stop at Walmart. I promised them we’d bring the drinks and napkins.
Bill goes around the other side of the car and gets in the passenger seat and buckles up.
BILL: Please be careful and don’t wreck us.
PEGGY: Do you always have to say that? I’m an excellent driver. I drive all the time.
BILL: Not usually when I’m in the car. I thought you liked me to drive, so you read your book or paint your nails.
PEGGY: Well, I can get us there faster. Besides, the last time we went somewhere, I had to remind you where we were going, twice. You’re getting forgetful.
BILL: I had a lot on my mind that day. I’m as sharp as I ever was. We don’t have to be in such a hurry. They can wait a few minutes to start lunch. They never start anything on time, anyway.
Peggy starts the car and backs out of the driveway quickly.
BILL: Darn it, Peggy! Slow Down! You know you shouldn’t back out that fast. Remember what happened when you hit that tree.
PEGGY: That was forty years ago. Are you never going to forget that? Besides, it was your fault. I was about to get fired because you kept making me late for work every day. I was tired of waiting on you.
BILL: Sure, it was my fault you knocked down a tree and totaled the car. You didn’t get to work on time that day, did you?
PEGGY: Please, forget about that! Why do you always have to bring that up? I haven’t had an accident since. Just sit there and be quiet and let me drive. I promise to get us there safely.
BILL: Okay, I’m not saying another word. I’ll close my eyes and pray.
The car hits a bump in the road, and Bill takes in a sharp breath.
PEGGY: (sarcastically): Are you having trouble breathing?
BILL: No, no problem. I didn’t say a word.
PEGGY: You don’t have to. I hear you biting your tongue.
Bills sighs and closes his eyes. Peggy makes a sharp right turn, which causes Bill to jerk sideways. He opens his eyes.
BILL: Blast It! Peggy! Didn’t you see that stop sign?
Peggy brings the car to a screeching halt and pulls to the side of the street. She unbuckles her belt, opens the door, gets out and goes around.
PEGGY: Fine! We’ll just be late. I’ve had it. There was no one coming for miles in either direction. You drive. I don’t need this.
Bill comes around and gets in the drivers seat. He takes his time buckling his seat belt, looks both ways, and takes off slowly. (Soft music is playing) They drive a couple of minutes in silence. By now, they are getting into heavy traffic.
PEGGY:: (Yelling) YOU’RE PASSING WALMART! I TOLD YOU, WE HAVE TO STOP!
Bill jerks the wheel and reacts without thinking. He crosses two lanes of traffic, narrowly missing a couple of cars and swerves into the Walmart parking lot. A siren sounds as a cop pulls up with flashing red lights.
COP: (Yelling in anger as Bill lower his window) ARE YOU NUTS? WHAT THE *@#** ARE YOU THINKING? YOU NEARLY CAUSED A THREE CAR PILEUP BACK THERE.
PEGGY: I’m sorry sir. It’s all my fault. I yelled at him.
The cop looks at Peggy and shakes his head. He looks sympathetically at Bill.
COP: I’m glad you didn’t get hurt, Sir,. I should give you a ticket, but I’m not going to. I’m married too. However, you look pretty shook-up. Maybe you’d better let your wife drive.
CHARACTERS:
Bill: Graying gentleman who looks to be in his seventies
Peggy: Bill’s wife, a lady with short gray hair about the same age as Bill
Cop: Wearing a uniform, looks to be nearing retirement age
Scene: Peggy is sitting in the driver’s seat of the car. Bill comes out of the house and walks toward the driver’s side, but stops abruptly when he sees Peggy there.
BILL: What are you doing sitting here. I thought I was driving. I always drive.
PEGGY: You drive too slow. We need to get there sometime today. We’ve got to stop at Walmart. I promised them we’d bring the drinks and napkins.
Bill goes around the other side of the car and gets in the passenger seat and buckles up.
BILL: Please be careful and don’t wreck us.
PEGGY: Do you always have to say that? I’m an excellent driver. I drive all the time.
BILL: Not usually when I’m in the car. I thought you liked me to drive, so you read your book or paint your nails.
PEGGY: Well, I can get us there faster. Besides, the last time we went somewhere, I had to remind you where we were going, twice. You’re getting forgetful.
BILL: I had a lot on my mind that day. I’m as sharp as I ever was. We don’t have to be in such a hurry. They can wait a few minutes to start lunch. They never start anything on time, anyway.
Peggy starts the car and backs out of the driveway quickly.
BILL: Darn it, Peggy! Slow Down! You know you shouldn’t back out that fast. Remember what happened when you hit that tree.
PEGGY: That was forty years ago. Are you never going to forget that? Besides, it was your fault. I was about to get fired because you kept making me late for work every day. I was tired of waiting on you.
BILL: Sure, it was my fault you knocked down a tree and totaled the car. You didn’t get to work on time that day, did you?
PEGGY: Please, forget about that! Why do you always have to bring that up? I haven’t had an accident since. Just sit there and be quiet and let me drive. I promise to get us there safely.
BILL: Okay, I’m not saying another word. I’ll close my eyes and pray.
The car hits a bump in the road, and Bill takes in a sharp breath.
PEGGY: (sarcastically): Are you having trouble breathing?
BILL: No, no problem. I didn’t say a word.
PEGGY: You don’t have to. I hear you biting your tongue.
Bills sighs and closes his eyes. Peggy makes a sharp right turn, which causes Bill to jerk sideways. He opens his eyes.
BILL: Blast It! Peggy! Didn’t you see that stop sign?
Peggy brings the car to a screeching halt and pulls to the side of the street. She unbuckles her belt, opens the door, gets out and goes around.
PEGGY: Fine! We’ll just be late. I’ve had it. There was no one coming for miles in either direction. You drive. I don’t need this.
Bill comes around and gets in the drivers seat. He takes his time buckling his seat belt, looks both ways, and takes off slowly. (Soft music is playing) They drive a couple of minutes in silence. By now, they are getting into heavy traffic.
PEGGY:: (Yelling) YOU’RE PASSING WALMART! I TOLD YOU, WE HAVE TO STOP!
Bill jerks the wheel and reacts without thinking. He crosses two lanes of traffic, narrowly missing a couple of cars and swerves into the Walmart parking lot. A siren sounds as a cop pulls up with flashing red lights.
COP: (Yelling in anger as Bill lower his window) ARE YOU NUTS? WHAT THE *@#** ARE YOU THINKING? YOU NEARLY CAUSED A THREE CAR PILEUP BACK THERE.
PEGGY: I’m sorry sir. It’s all my fault. I yelled at him.
The cop looks at Peggy and shakes his head. He looks sympathetically at Bill.
COP: I’m glad you didn’t get hurt, Sir,. I should give you a ticket, but I’m not going to. I’m married too. However, you look pretty shook-up. Maybe you’d better let your wife drive.
 Recognized |
Based loosely on a true incident
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