Pluto the space rock of dubious fame
was once called a planet then stripped of the name,
but not for the reason you’d think it would be.
He well-earned his fate, as I’m sure you’ll agree.
Pluto was such an insufferable pest,
vaunting his status to all of the rest.
Of the folks in the Kuiper Belt, he was but one
of thousands just like him who orbit the sun.
He was the biggest but not by too much
to warrant the bragging that helped make him such
a pain in the buttocks to all within hearing,
with nothing to make him the least bit endearing.
He bragged to the rest that his weight was immense
and scoffed at them all for being less dense.
For rock he was made of while they’re made of ice.
His density therefore was way more than thrice.
Insults he hurled at them, morning ‘til night
without provocation. It just wasn’t right.
With the closest of planets, he followed the pattern--
made fun of Uranus, and Neptune, and Saturn.
He called them “old gas bags,” offending them greatly.
He showed no respect for the large and the stately,
who earned their position as planets, no question.
To all of the others Earth made a suggestion:
“Instead of complaining, let’s all go to work.
Why don’t we vote to get rid of this jerk.
To be clear: It’s not for diminutive size
we seek to expel him. He must realize…
That far-outsized ego’s why he gets the boot.
We’ll say, if he argues, the point is now moot.
Alright, who’s in favor of kicking him out?”
The vote was unanimous. There was no doubt.
Pluto then brooded. Now what would he do?
For that you will just have to wait for Part 2.
Oh, will he decide that he must make amends,
or stay a li’l beast and then seek his revenge?
Part 2 – Pluto’s Revenge
Pluto was miffed and kept stewing and brooding
as fellow dwarf planets were jeering and hooting.
They’d suffered too long from the insults and sneers
deplorable Pluto’d been slinging for years.
Had Pluto been humbled? Oh, not in the least,
and still he remained an insufferable beast.
The brooding he’d done had been very productive
for making a plan that was highly destructive.
First, he would pop all those gas bags who voted
to have him expelled and now simpered and gloated.
And then he would crash into Earth whose suggestion
had started the plan to remove him—no question.
So, Pluto took off like a shot for Neptune,
and struck him and popped him just like a balloon
that shrank into nothing from sudden deflation--
a planet no more much to Pluto’s elation.
Repeating this feat for Uranus and Saturn,
he popped both of them in identical fashion.
Now heading for Jupiter, Pluto was giddy.
For all of these gas bags, he lacked any pity.
But Jupiter, rather than quickly deflating,
exploded his hydrogen core, thus creating
a vast conflagration of such immense size
with a brightness that surely could blind any eyes.
Propelled by great force, Pluto headed for Earth,
sailing by Mars who he felt had no worth.
For Earth was the target of all of his wrath.
She’d started the rest on their treacherous path.
Pluto expected to smash her to bits
by striking a blow with his damnable blitz.
But what he forgot or perhaps didn’t know:
Earth had vast oceans which softened his blow.
So, Pluto had failed to blow her to bits.
He sat in the ocean and suffered from fits
of despondency. Many long years he remained,
bemoaning his failure, for he was ashamed.
He’d only succeeded in changing her axis,
reducing the tilt eight degrees, and that fact is
the cause of the change in extremes of the seasons,
with summers now cooler and winters less freezin’.
Earthlings rejoiced; they had Pluto to thank
as they toasted his health, while they ate and they drank.
They even created a world holiday
and honored his feat every sixteenth of May.
Earthlings adored him. They couldn’t deny he
made temperatures everywhere more like Hawaii.
Despite his intention to ruin the Earth,
his action instead proved to be of great worth.
Pluto was stunned by the joyful displays,
which caused him to question his virulent ways.
Showing some kindness would sure be a first,
as would giving his best as opposed to his worst.
Deciding right then, he vowed he would try it
and show folks some goodness instead of the diet
of bragging and insults, invective, and jeers
that he’d hurled at his neighbors for many long years.
Pluto went home as a far different fellow--
more kind to his neighbors, more laid-back and mellow.
Humble and modest, at long last he felt
a friendship with all in the great Kuiper Belt.
