FanStory.com - Euphoriaby Lea Tonin1

Joy and sadness tangled fate

One came home extremely late

My gleeful sons rods in hand

Deceitful river fish they planned

Shifting forest running free

Twisting turns among the trees

Grinning water spies the meal

Two young boys come to heel

Laughing, spinning noonday sun

They bait their rods in hopes of fun

Jumping floating rock to rock

Follows the stream with no dock

Fluidic arm grasps the child

Muscled water river wild

Lost in waves shifting death

Small boy lost weight and breath

Searching, yelling, hoping, praying

Darkling dust a night in making

A silent moan, shifting white

Brought my son to my site

Along the banks amongst the trees

Lay my boy who coughed and wheezed

In my arms my son returned

The memory forever burned

Love, live in moments they say

So often time just slips away

My son's they grew

Thank God for two

Could have been one....

Or none....

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One more day and it's time to go through all of those documents. One more day it's time to line it up for the lawyer. One more day is when I'll sit back and watch Karma do her work. One more day from so many years of pain. Just...one...more... day.

I'm not sure what my complete reaction will be just yet. There's so much I do know and what I don't, probably won't be a surprise to me. But it's the unknown that I'm concerned with, could it be so much worse than I know myself? I'll prepare myself for it tomorrow while I do some work. I'll mentally brace myself as best I can. I

I will, on my next chapter speak about it. It will be like a synopsis anything beyond what really matters, will come out. The rest is gravy on an already cooked roast. my foot continues to heal some parts still hurt other parts are becoming itchy which of course is a sign of healing both drive me bananas I suppose it's par for the course. However our new year has begun those to the grindstone once again I cannot keep my eyes off the goal.

So back we go once again, back to the girl, back to the young person I was. The one who was finally able to experience some peace in life.

Perhaps I was on another planet or maybe, I finally found home....

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"Hey...hey lazy ass. Wake up, dinner time. You gonna sleep your life away? Hahaha! I'm just kidding get up dinner time," P teased.

"Hey P...."

"Ya?" He asked.

"Eat shit." He chuckled and shut the door.

I turned over and stretched as my stomach growled at the smells coming from the kitchen. the memories from a few hours earlier came flooding back. I had just spilled everything I had inside of me to these people. To these people who barely me. I just prayed I wouldn't be rejected because of it.

"Well," I thought. "No time like the present."

After visiting the washroom, I peeked my head around the corner into the kitchen once again. Sitting there with the entire family P, his brother and his brother's wife as well as Mrs. B and Mr. B (whom I had yet to meet). They all turned and looked, then greeted me warmly. I was very relieved to see that. I was equally relieved to see the same kindly expression on Mr. B's cherub face. His shiny bald head almost winked at me. I never knew for sure what people will do when I first meet them.

Mr. B patted my hand reassuringly. "Not to worry young lady. Just enjoy supper. Mrs. B made a fine roast."

The meal was marvelous. Almost as fabulous as the crepe breakfast from the day before. How great it was to eat a meal and feel satisfied and full and have it taste good. Sure, I've had decent meals before but, so few and far between as to really appreciate it when they come along.

The family joked amongst each other while they ate. Talked about their jobs, their day and different people in their lives. The parents asked questions attentively and were truly interested in their answers. It almost made me start crying again just watching the dynamics between them. I was so pleased to see it. It was so very surreal and yet very much like the imaginings I had as a child.

I kept waiting for the bubble to burst, for the dream to dissipate, for the facade to fade. But nothing was forthcoming. Nothing changed. They were the same family that took me and the same family that jokes with each other around the table below and the same family that looked upon me kindly almost like someone waved a wand and my world changed overnight.

I knew that within and from this family I would learn what it was like to live amongst and be part of a normal family. Something I never thought I could ever do. Dinner finished we are all having tea as Mrs. B liked to do after a meal.

"Well young lady, Mr B and I have talked about it. If you wish to stay here with us that's more than fine and have no fear. None of what you have told us goes beyond this room right everyone?" as she looked around the table.

They all agreed willingly. I have taken a couple chances before one of which I was lucky to get out of but it didn't feel like that with this family the air was light, the home was cherry and the people were kind. I sensed no malevolence, no hatred, no jealousy, no maliciousness whatsoever.

"If you're finished being serious and talking business, I have a movie to watch," P turned and looked at me, "you comin'? I got Blade Runner."

I looked at Mr. and Mrs. B.

"Well, you kids go on...watch your movie." Mrs. B said.

I followed P upstairs and as I did, this feeling of bliss, peace and safety came over me. I never felt before in my life and I never wanted it to pass.

All things pass.

For now... I'll take it.

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I look back at that peaceful time of my life. The tranquility, serenity, the peace and the feeling of safety. When the year was over, I continued to chase it. I never really found it again but, I will soon. My little piece of heaven in the mountains by a beautiful, warm Crystal clear Lake. It'll all come back to me then...when all is written down.