FanStory.com - The Child Departsby Lea Tonin1

Peel the shreds of childish things

Embrace the wise the adult brings

inside my mind the silence rings

comes the peace on whispered wings

destroy the black, its darkling deed

strip the power watch it bleed

take away it's negative need

comes with the key my soul is freed

gently drifting safety's arms

no longer victim evil charms

positive light darkness Harms

no more to jump they're false alarms

********************

I'm in a reflective sort of mood at the moment. Having absorbed all that I've learned the last couple days and all that I already knew right there in front of me, confirmed in black and white. The tears rolled. My first thoughts were how much I would like to stick it in her face.

But I know me, and I know the process of grief that I go through. First is hurt, deep hurt, immediately followed by anger, anger comes spewing out in the pages I write.

Centering myself again, I look at it today with a sober eye and a plan to move forward.

After meeting with the lawyer, from which sage advice was given, our case was picked up today before lunch even arrived. It is both civil and criminal says the lawyer. It's time now for the forgotten girls to be seen in the light, even if only for a while.

Some part of me still wishes it was all a dream and that I would wake up. The other part hoped for a better world when I'm done. It's hard to describe the mountains of feelings going on today. There's sadness, heartbreak and anger, I have also hope and the promise of a new home.

A soupy mixture really. My heart and mind ride the roller coaster up and down all day long. But this too shall pass, just as the writing will when it is all said and done.

Today, I had lunch with my biological father. Oh yes, we finally met in my thirties, but this will be told in a future chapter.

He seems somewhat pensive and reflective when I told him more about the book and the process that I'm at. He's feeling some measure of guilt for his absence.

He gently pulls his glasses away from his face and rubs the bridge of his nose. "I was nineteen when your mother got pregnant, she was eighteen. My parents and her parents forced us to marry, which was fine with your mother, she wanted to get away from her mother.

Our home was in the state of complete disarray, you children would be in the same diaper you were in when I left for work until I came home." He left me with that knowledge and I'll think on it for a while, but for now, once again, we're going to go back in time for another look.

We're not done with the story yet. It doesn't end here. The roots of it have been told, now it's the time to learn the fallout. See you there.

*****************************

I woke with a sense of warmth and safety.

A feeling so foreign within me, I struggled to hold it. Almost like a big piece of jello in my hand.

As I stretched, my thoughts turned to the recent weeks. I'd met so many new friends. My very first, and all time best friend too! We were inseparable and joined at the hip. We drove around quite often in her '69 cougar visiting friends, being young adults, being free out in the spring days and nights.

We attended some concerts, 'Beatle Mania', 'Jefferson Starship' and 'Rod Stewart' together. A pig roast, dance club, daytime hikes and swimming. All the things I wanted to do and couldn't before.

I was euphoric!

In those months, I found out I had the most offensive sense of humor. I knew no boundaries and discovered I had a following of people who wished to hear my jokes.

There's one such a night we were at the club enjoying ourselves and having fun when I spotted two young men sitting across from us looking over our group. One round and plump with a shiny round head and one tall with a slender build. He was blonde and blue eyed. An attractive sort of beachcomber kind of look.

As strong as my friendship was for my friend, It was equally as strong as the feelings I had for him.

Over time he taught me that sex did not have to be painful. That it could be a good thing between two people who cared. This man taught me many things over time. I was over the top happy with my new friends, happy with my new family, happy with the young man in my life.

I wished I could stay that way forever.

All of those thoughts and more drifted through my mind as I laid there on the bed stretching and yawning unwilling to move quite yet from the comfort and warmth of the bed.

Then I heard Mrs. B,

*"are you waking up in there dear? Breakfast is getting cold."***

Responding I said, "yes Mrs. B thank you, I'm coming!"

I bounce myself out of bed, quickly put on some clothes, and made a beeline for the breakfast table.

She made those wonderful crepes again that I just couldn't get enough of.

"Well you two, what are you up to today?" Mrs. B asked.

"I'm going to work on my truck, need the flat deck for the drive in." P replied.

"Good lord," Mrs. B said. "What on earth do you need that for?"

"So a bunch of us can sit on it. Get more people in." P answered.

"Goodness, young people. And you young lady what are you doing?"

"I have a date with C today. We're headed to the beach and then meeting P at the drive-in later."

"Oh, so you two won't be home for supper then." She said, more of a statement than a question. "That's okay, that's good, we'll have a fend-for-yourself-night." Mrs. B said.

"Well, you kids run along, behave yourselves and have a good day."

"Catch you later." Out the door P went with his usual half grin.

"I'm off to the shower. Thanks for breakfast Mrs. B!"

"Your welcome dear." She said.

Standing in the shower still marveling at my luck and feeling extremely spoiled at all the things that I'm able to do here that I couldn't do at home. Even in the home itself, being able to have a bath that I didn't have to share. Being allowed to eat. Being seen as a person. Not being hit. I was truly lucky.

As the warm water ran over me, I began to think of adult things things that needed attending. The time to really grow up is now.

Time to get into life. Be trained for some kind of work or just go to work at what I was doing before.

It was soon time to pick up my bootstraps and be more of a help, contribute more.

******

Later in the day, sitting on the beach with C, enjoying the sun when C said to me,

"I'm leaving the province. My work transferred me. I'm out in a week."

The color drained from my face....

***********************

Inevitably, life changes no matter how much we wish things could remain the same. We might go along just like that sometimes for years but change comes inevitably and will not be held back forever.

So it was for me, so it is to this day, so it is for everyone.