Facing New Challenges by Jesse James Doty Story of the Month contest entry |
Nearing Valentine’s Day and for the first time in many years I think of the lover who brings me to my knees whenever I ask him to. I ponder what to give him because like so many he has everything he wants and needs. I realize I am in the midst of outing myself for the first time on FanStory. Things have a way of justifying what before wouldn’t be done and now make it necessary to do. Yes, I am gay. And, yes I have a lover and yes, he is David my best friend in the world. All that said and done, I feel better about being true to myself than I have ever been before. He is temporarily living with me and that makes me happy. His company alone gives me pleasure as well as his offering courage to face the hidden parts of me. Hidden parts such as his Dementia and my possible Dementia following right behind him. Together, we are trying to accept what is rapidly changing our lives. David is an avid reader, and I gave him a packet to read on Dementia which is helping him immensely. I on the other hand have great difficulty reading even large print so I fell behind in accepting this chilling evolution in our lives. Using a closer perspective, I am scared silly about the fact that I am losing him to this disease. I love him and I believe he loves me. If it weren’t for this disease we probably would be planning our future together. It hurts to watch his moodiness overcome him as the same thing happens to me simultaneously. We argue and then make up and it goes on and on until one of us puts a stop to it for the time being. He brings out the best in me and the worst in me. David hides his feelings more than I since he is a reserved person, and I am more emotional. We balance each other beautifully. We share a lot of the same memories yet from different perspectives since we grew up in different neighborhoods. Among the differences was the multi-cultural background of his hood while mine was a WASP neighborhood. The richness of our varied values allows for a plethora of conversational topics to discuss and investigate. We enjoy each other’s company thoroughly. Growing old together and encouraging each other to progress and develop lifetime achievements, we stand side by side with equal agendas. Learning about and accepting Dementia in our lives won’t be easy but nothing of value ever is. My support system is wonderfully complete, and I hope the same happens for David. In the meantime, he can lean on me as lovers and best friends often do.
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Jesse James Doty
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