FanStory.com - Bill's Versionby Bill Schott

Arriving late, he pulled up to the hotel where he was greeted by a younger man who asked for the keys to his pick-up truck.

Bill tossed him the keys and the man sped off. Then, another young man stepped up and asked for twenty dollars for the cover charge.

"I did not realize that there was a cover charge here," Bill said.

"Twenty bucks, sir."

Digging into his pin-money pouch, Bill extracted a saw buck, a fin, a two-dollar bill, a single, and a roll of nickels.

Looking at Bill, the man asked for a check instead.

"Sure," he said, patting his brightly colored jacket for the location of his check book. "To whom should I make it out?"

"Cash. It'll be for a hundred."

"What?!"

"Yeah. There's ten for the cover charge, twenty for the valet parking, chip in of twenty for the door prize, and fifty fa da fluffle fa fa frem..."

"I did not understand that last part."

"Who does -- right?"

After that man left with the check, Bill approached the entrance of the hotel.

Out from the front came a young woman wearing an orange set of work clothes.

"Got a car, dude?" she asked. "I'm your val-ET."

"I gave the keys to a fellow who drove it away to park it."

Chuckling a bit, she asked, "Was it a nice car or a heap?"

"A pickup truck."

"Well, it will likely be loaded with black market blueberries and driven to Canada."

"I will need to call the police."

Chuckling again, she said, "The cops will never respond to a dumb thing like a hot truck full of blueberries. You might be better off hiring a truck tracker to track your truck and get it back before this shindig is over."

"Will they take a check?"

"Let's hope -- right?"

"So, why are you wearing that orange getup? Halloween?"

"Nah, this is my community service."

Finally, Bill enters the hotel and steps into the spacious elevator in the center of the lobby.

"Hello," greeted Teri. "I see you wore a car salesman suit. Do you sell cars?"

"No. I only lose cars."

"Is that a business?"

"No, dear. It's a joke."

"Well, it has been a hard year for all businesses."

"This is a big elevator for only the two of us," Bill noted.

"There was a crowd in here earlier. They were loud and a bit crass."

"No kidding. Fanstorians?"

"Methodists," she grumbled.

The elevator doors opened and the party was in full tilt.

Roy was boxing with a kangaroo. Wendy kept pushing him back into the animal, just to be booted back.

Sandra and Dolly were doing Near Beer shots and trying to play O Canada with their arm pits. Gloria provided the bass by jugging soda water and belching.

"Brits couldn't carry a tune in a tea bag," she said, before burping up a show-stopping BRAHH.

Rachelle saw Bill and walked over, leaving some woman with her head firmly planted in a bowl of potato salad.

"You must be Bill," she greeted, "or Santa Claus. I hardly recognized you without your sea worm attire."

"I left it by the sea."

"Oh -- wait; was that humor? You are so funny. Like a clown. Like a court jester. A fool!"

"Ah, thanks?"

"Let me introduce you to my good friend and fellow traveler -- Gretchen."

Bill smiles and extends his arm. "Hi, Gretchen."

"Lose your razor, Bill boy?"

"Yes, it ran away with a spoon."

"He's a fool!" said Rachelle.

"Hey, Bill!" came a shout from a small group. It was Nomi, standing with Karen, and Jim.

"I was hoping you'd get here so I could make fun of you," said Nomi.

"Sorry I left my sea worm suit by the seaside."

"That's okay. You still pull off the wormy look."

"Do you recognize my beautiful red hair, Bill?" asked Karen.

"Is that from the Ann Margaret collection," asked Jim.

"Your hair is lovely," said Bill, then turning to Rachelle and pointing at Jim. "He's funny."

Rachelle smiled, then pointed at him saying, "A fool!"

Bill saw Lyenochka by the elevator talking to Sally and Tom Ens. But, they saw him, and scattered like ribbons from a joy popper.

After making a few more gladhands, Bill took the elevator down to the lobby.

At the front door he was greeted by the younger man who had "borowed" his truck. By the looks of it he had kept it out of the ditches. There would be some serious scrubbing needed to remove the purple stains from the truck bed.

The guy thanked Bill for the use of the vehicle and gave him a share of the profits -- in Canadian currency.

The End