"You, are going to pot lady.
Just look at yourself;
Hair scraped into a ponytail, grey’s poking through."
"Take a proper look.
Your hair is beautiful;
long lustrous waves in a chestnut hue."
"When did that face last see some make-up?"
"You don’t need any...
A good night’s rest will put the shine back in those big blue eyes."
"And those wrinkles!"
"Wrinkles?! What wrinkles?!
Those are laughter lines, be proud of them!"
"You're haggard."
"You are not!
Heck! You don’t even look your age.
"Don’t get me started below the neck.
I’ll be here all day!
You need to lose a few pounds,
Tone up those small saggy boobs,
jelly belly and spare tyre."
"Your body is awesome...
curves in all the right places
breasts the perfect size;
more than a handful’s a waste, right?!"
"And that backside... Cellulite City!"
"fills your jeans perfectly."
"When did your legs last see a razor?
Well, I suppose all that stubble
Camouflages the varicose veins at least!"
"Never mind about those, they can’t be helped."
"You’re a bleedin’ disgrace!"
"You’re a mother now.
A beautiful yummy mummy!"
"Hmm, you keep telling yourself that.
Whatever makes you feel better... Sadsack!"
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