My Closet
a sonnet15 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Such fun imagination, Bill! And you met the requirements of the contest challenge for a "subverted sonnet" well. I think Johnson and Joe Jones should hold their breath so that grandkids can enjoy some adventures there. Congratulations on your second place finish!
reply by the author on 28-May-2022
  |
Such fun imagination, Bill! And you met the requirements of the contest challenge for a "subverted sonnet" well. I think Johnson and Joe Jones should hold their breath so that grandkids can enjoy some adventures there. Congratulations on your second place finish!
Comment Written 28-May-2022
reply by the author on 28-May-2022
-
Thank you, Helen. I might write more sonnets if I could goof like this.
Comment from Goosey Gander
"rhesus monkey skulls" were not something I was familiar with, so it seems that this line fits the first and second:
"My closet is a place where I can find
those many items others may not have;"
Very well done.
-GG
reply by the author on 26-May-2022
|
"rhesus monkey skulls" were not something I was familiar with, so it seems that this line fits the first and second:
"My closet is a place where I can find
those many items others may not have;"
Very well done.
-GG
Comment Written 26-May-2022
reply by the author on 26-May-2022
-
This sonnet should have problems on par with its content. : )
Comment from Beri Bee
This sonnet is so clever and entertaining. It's just the right amount of creepy and funny. I think it would make a cool illustrated book for Halloween. Thanks!
reply by the author on 26-May-2022
|
This sonnet is so clever and entertaining. It's just the right amount of creepy and funny. I think it would make a cool illustrated book for Halloween. Thanks!
Comment Written 26-May-2022
reply by the author on 26-May-2022
-
Thank you, Beri, for the kind review.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Well, that is a fantastical place indeed. Once behind the closet doors I guess we can all go anywhere or be anyone we care to be. Looks like you took full advantage of the ample rules.
Interesting read.
reply by the author on 26-May-2022
|
Well, that is a fantastical place indeed. Once behind the closet doors I guess we can all go anywhere or be anyone we care to be. Looks like you took full advantage of the ample rules.
Interesting read.
Comment Written 26-May-2022
reply by the author on 26-May-2022
-
Thank you, Gary.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
An awesome entry
for the Subverted Sonnet writing prompt contest.
I love the monsters in the closet idea...very funny. LoL
Great imagery. It flows well with beautifully descriptive words that paint a clear mental picture.
The heroic sonnet in iambic pentameter form is well executed and follows the contest rules.
Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
|
An awesome entry
for the Subverted Sonnet writing prompt contest.
I love the monsters in the closet idea...very funny. LoL
Great imagery. It flows well with beautifully descriptive words that paint a clear mental picture.
The heroic sonnet in iambic pentameter form is well executed and follows the contest rules.
Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 25-May-2022
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
-
Thank you, Gypsy, for the terrific review.
Comment from LisaMay
You've certainly delivered a sonnet with oddly striking and unusual imagery. The contents of your closet sound most macabre and stinky, but probably no worse than any teenager's. Your verse shows poetic skill and imagination.
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
|
You've certainly delivered a sonnet with oddly striking and unusual imagery. The contents of your closet sound most macabre and stinky, but probably no worse than any teenager's. Your verse shows poetic skill and imagination.
Comment Written 25-May-2022
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
-
Thank you, LisaMay
Comment from Annmuma
Very creative! I don't know anything about poetry -- other than I like it or I don't. So I'm not really gifted reviewer when it comes to the mechanics of the writing. HOWEVER, I enjoyed this poem and it will likely get my vote!
My only complaint is that it was very difficult to read with the black background the brown(?) type? Maybe my computer.
Anyway, good luck in the contest. ann
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
|
Very creative! I don't know anything about poetry -- other than I like it or I don't. So I'm not really gifted reviewer when it comes to the mechanics of the writing. HOWEVER, I enjoyed this poem and it will likely get my vote!
My only complaint is that it was very difficult to read with the black background the brown(?) type? Maybe my computer.
Anyway, good luck in the contest. ann
Comment Written 25-May-2022
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
-
So glad you told me, Ann. I edited the text this morning, so had to change the color to black to see it. Forgot to set it back. It is now. Thanks.
-
I read it again this morning and, with the write type on black, it is very, very impressive and easy to read. ann
Comment from Fleedleflump
I love it - the darkness of the subject matter works perfectly for the contest and I want to know more about the narrator's mysterious lifestyle!
There are 2 lines I have suggestions for:
'like rhesus monkey skulls so well designed' - I feel like 'designed' is there to meet the rhyme as it doesn't feel like a natural part of the poem. Another example could be (my naughty brain has seen an opportunity for humour):
'like rhesus monkey skulls (they didn't mind)'
Also, your final line doesn't quite scan right (I think it's down to require, which my brain wants to stress on the second syllable (re-QUIRE) rather than the first (RE-quire) in its current location. Also, the names feel more natural the other way around to me. Instead of:
'but Joe Jones and Johnson both require air.'
how about:
'but Johnson and Joe Jones both relish air.'
Please ignore me if you're happy with it regardless of my interference - these are just thoughts, and I enjoyed it immensely :-)
Mike
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
|
I love it - the darkness of the subject matter works perfectly for the contest and I want to know more about the narrator's mysterious lifestyle!
There are 2 lines I have suggestions for:
'like rhesus monkey skulls so well designed' - I feel like 'designed' is there to meet the rhyme as it doesn't feel like a natural part of the poem. Another example could be (my naughty brain has seen an opportunity for humour):
'like rhesus monkey skulls (they didn't mind)'
Also, your final line doesn't quite scan right (I think it's down to require, which my brain wants to stress on the second syllable (re-QUIRE) rather than the first (RE-quire) in its current location. Also, the names feel more natural the other way around to me. Instead of:
'but Joe Jones and Johnson both require air.'
how about:
'but Johnson and Joe Jones both relish air.'
Please ignore me if you're happy with it regardless of my interference - these are just thoughts, and I enjoyed it immensely :-)
Mike
Comment Written 25-May-2022
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
-
The winner is: but Johnson and Joe Jones breathe all the air. Thanak you for the review and suggestions, Mike.
Comment from Debra White
Hello :)
If that's your closet, I dread to think what you have in your attic!
I really enjoyed reading your sonnet - your imagination and sense of humour are off the scale special!
Effective use of enjambment enhances your flow between lines and the touches of alliteration are nice.
Good luck in the voting booth.
Best wishes, Debra :)
For consideration: You mention about the meter needing work in your author notes... I found the meter to be sound right up until the last line - A tiny tweak should see it right! - perhaps something like; but Johnson and Joe Jones breathe all the air.
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
|
Hello :)
If that's your closet, I dread to think what you have in your attic!
I really enjoyed reading your sonnet - your imagination and sense of humour are off the scale special!
Effective use of enjambment enhances your flow between lines and the touches of alliteration are nice.
Good luck in the voting booth.
Best wishes, Debra :)
For consideration: You mention about the meter needing work in your author notes... I found the meter to be sound right up until the last line - A tiny tweak should see it right! - perhaps something like; but Johnson and Joe Jones breathe all the air.
Comment Written 25-May-2022
reply by the author on 25-May-2022
-
Okay...but Johnson and Joe Jones breathe all the air...it is. Thanks, Debra.
-
No worries, happy to be of some help :) It was just a suggestion, though - it's your poem after all ;)
Good luck!
Comment from karenina
Wow. Like the bard on street drugs! Not only off the wall but in the closet! You embraced it the required non-conventional theme with gusto! I want a magic closet now!
Karenina
reply by the author on 24-May-2022
|
Wow. Like the bard on street drugs! Not only off the wall but in the closet! You embraced it the required non-conventional theme with gusto! I want a magic closet now!
Karenina
Comment Written 24-May-2022
reply by the author on 24-May-2022
-
Thanks, Karenina
-
Bizarre! In the best way!