Four Horse Island
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Claustrophobia"Marooned on an island with 4 horses and a goat
26 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is really interesting. That she was so buried in debris would be terrifying if she has claustrophobia. She seems to be somewhat injured, but being alive is enough reward. You say it is a novella but it has possibilities of being a young adult story. They run about 60,000 to 90,000 words.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2023
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This is really interesting. That she was so buried in debris would be terrifying if she has claustrophobia. She seems to be somewhat injured, but being alive is enough reward. You say it is a novella but it has possibilities of being a young adult story. They run about 60,000 to 90,000 words.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2023
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Hi Carol Hillebrenner,
Thank you for the kind analysis and your thoughts on the story.
I only planned about 30,000 words. I'd have to expand it. Thank you for the encouragement. I'll have to give it some thought.
Debi
Comment from BethShelby
I enjoyed reading this and I'd like to read more so in order to be notified I will need to follow you. At the moment I don't know what kind of boat or ship or on or if there are other arond or not. So I'll look forward to finding out.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2023
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I enjoyed reading this and I'd like to read more so in order to be notified I will need to follow you. At the moment I don't know what kind of boat or ship or on or if there are other arond or not. So I'll look forward to finding out.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2023
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Hi BethShelby,
Thank you for the encouraging comments. I am excited that you'd like to read more.
Debi
Comment from Iza Deleanu
This part made me laugh, the demoiselle in distress asking for help"Am I buried too deeply under this debris for anyone to hear me? No white knights around when I needed one. No handsome, brawny sailor saving me from the deep, dark ocean. Come on Popeye, where are you? And if I did happen to free myself...am I underwater or above it?
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023
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This part made me laugh, the demoiselle in distress asking for help"Am I buried too deeply under this debris for anyone to hear me? No white knights around when I needed one. No handsome, brawny sailor saving me from the deep, dark ocean. Come on Popeye, where are you? And if I did happen to free myself...am I underwater or above it?
Comment Written 20-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023
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Hi Iza Deleanu,
Thank you for the fun review. Yes, help would have been most welcome in this situation. Too bad she didn't get any.
I appreciate you stopping by to read and review. Have a great day.
Debi
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is a phenomenal beginning for a novella. The opening sentences provide a compelling hook. As the thoughts of the protagonist progress, the reader is held captive my the suspense and mystery. How did the protagonist end up in the particular situation? Is the protagonist male or female? Where are they? Will they be rescued or return to their normal? I look forward to Chapter 2. I loved the line..."Come on Popeye, where are you?"
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023
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This is a phenomenal beginning for a novella. The opening sentences provide a compelling hook. As the thoughts of the protagonist progress, the reader is held captive my the suspense and mystery. How did the protagonist end up in the particular situation? Is the protagonist male or female? Where are they? Will they be rescued or return to their normal? I look forward to Chapter 2. I loved the line..."Come on Popeye, where are you?"
Comment Written 20-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023
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Hi LJbutterfly,
Thank you for the terrific analysis and sharing the questions the scene raises. What a nice thing to say about looking ofrward to the next chapter. I appreciate the encouragement.
Debi
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
Excellent writing and presentation! I was also getting nervous and was having trouble as I read along with your descriptive well written and emotional words.
As a reader I felt I was taken away with each word.; I too was hoping to survive. Your entire presentation was captivating and very good! Best wishes!
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023
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Excellent writing and presentation! I was also getting nervous and was having trouble as I read along with your descriptive well written and emotional words.
As a reader I felt I was taken away with each word.; I too was hoping to survive. Your entire presentation was captivating and very good! Best wishes!
Comment Written 19-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023
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Hi Alexandra Travato,
Thank you for the kind comments about the writing and how it made you feel. I appreciate you stopping by to read and review.
Debi
Comment from rspoet
Hello Debi,
What a great beginning for the novella. It brings all kinds of thoughts forward,
Shipwrecked, Katherine Caruso, Castaway (Wilson).
The claustrophobia is well done, many readers will be sweating through the pages. But I think it's more than just claustrophobia. Probably, nearly every fear imaginable. I think being locked down for covid is a natural comparison for this piece.
Well done.
Best wishes.
Robert.
If her name is Katherine, it was just a lucky guess. :)
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023
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Hello Debi,
What a great beginning for the novella. It brings all kinds of thoughts forward,
Shipwrecked, Katherine Caruso, Castaway (Wilson).
The claustrophobia is well done, many readers will be sweating through the pages. But I think it's more than just claustrophobia. Probably, nearly every fear imaginable. I think being locked down for covid is a natural comparison for this piece.
Well done.
Best wishes.
Robert.
If her name is Katherine, it was just a lucky guess. :)
Comment Written 19-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023
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Hi Robert,
Thank you for such an entertaining review. Oh, I remember crying when Wilson floated away. It was the saddest part of the movie.
I appreciate the observations about fears and the lock down, as well as the good wishes.
Debi
Comment from Loretta Bigg
This is really good, except for one thing in my case. I have no idea what is going on! I think I have figured out that maybe there's been a car accident underwater and you're trying to get out? I kept waiting for a punchline (no, all this time she was in the bath) and if you don't want thoughts like that, you have to let your reader know exactly what is going on by the middle. Now you may be thinking, "But I did let them know." But if I didn't catch it, it's going to have to be more obvious right? Otherwise this is such a good story, which is why I am really harping on this. If you feel you've made it obvious enough, forget it, but remember that you will have obtuse readers like me. (and I read it more than once).
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2023
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This is really good, except for one thing in my case. I have no idea what is going on! I think I have figured out that maybe there's been a car accident underwater and you're trying to get out? I kept waiting for a punchline (no, all this time she was in the bath) and if you don't want thoughts like that, you have to let your reader know exactly what is going on by the middle. Now you may be thinking, "But I did let them know." But if I didn't catch it, it's going to have to be more obvious right? Otherwise this is such a good story, which is why I am really harping on this. If you feel you've made it obvious enough, forget it, but remember that you will have obtuse readers like me. (and I read it more than once).
Comment Written 19-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2023
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Hi Loretta Bigg,
I appreciate the honest review. For a first chapter, it is a bit ambiguous. More to come in chapter 2. I sometimes dive right in and forget to read the notes above the title, but maybe "shipwrecked and trapped" needs more expansion in the body of the work.
Again, thanks for the honesty. It is appreciated.
Debi
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Hint: In chapter 2 there will be a description of the ship.
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Ah, is it in the notes? Well, I have to be honest. I don't read the notes, because if this gets published, and I am sure it can, there won't be notes. I want the writing to speak for itself.
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Good stuff!
Comment from tfawcus
Sorry not to have a six for this. You maintain the tension with great control, and the reader feels the sense of rising panic along with your central character and that spark of hope that leads us into Chapter 2 with the central question unanswered. A great hook!
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2023
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Sorry not to have a six for this. You maintain the tension with great control, and the reader feels the sense of rising panic along with your central character and that spark of hope that leads us into Chapter 2 with the central question unanswered. A great hook!
Comment Written 19-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2023
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Hi Tony,
Thank you for the virtual six and the kind comments about the writing. I appreciate the encouragement.
Debi
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This sounds absolutely terrifying Debi and you captured that terror in words here so that I could relive this persons awful experience, a fine and disturbing write, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2023
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This sounds absolutely terrifying Debi and you captured that terror in words here so that I could relive this persons awful experience, a fine and disturbing write, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 19-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2023
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Hi Dolly,
Thank you for the encouraging comments about the writing. I appreciate the encouragement.
Debi
Comment from Faith Williams
Wow, I am hooked! A great description of claustrophobia, the inner thoughts and the outward manifestations like in this sentence, 'Panic surged into a tantrum of frustration and fury: pushing, pounding, kicking, and cursing at the material that pinned me down.' Great job using punctuation so the reader can 'feel' it as well. Strong verbs, as always. I love reading your pieces, and I can't wait to read the next chapter. So many questions!
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2023
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Wow, I am hooked! A great description of claustrophobia, the inner thoughts and the outward manifestations like in this sentence, 'Panic surged into a tantrum of frustration and fury: pushing, pounding, kicking, and cursing at the material that pinned me down.' Great job using punctuation so the reader can 'feel' it as well. Strong verbs, as always. I love reading your pieces, and I can't wait to read the next chapter. So many questions!
Comment Written 18-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2023
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Hi Faith,
What an encouraging review. I'm glad you could feel what was going on. I appreciate the kind comments about the writing.
Debi