Guilt-Stained Badge
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Darrin Belzar"2nd Place Finish
10 total reviews
Comment from Soledadpaz
Maybe: drug-induced (vision) and bumped . . .
Perhaps: The other two men (kicked) Morgan until they grew tired.
Vicki Vance confused me. I thought her name was Nicki. But the V V construction works well.
The scene of Morgan's breakdown is visceral. You can feel his terror and emotional turmoil as the parade of voices goes by.
Nice touch: " . . . she turned into wisps of smoke in his fingers."
Since we are still midscene, perhaps: The next thing Morgan (felt) was freezing cold water washing . . .
Wow, The Lost Weekend/Days of Wine and Roses kind of chapter. Very moving.
Sol
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Maybe: drug-induced (vision) and bumped . . .
Perhaps: The other two men (kicked) Morgan until they grew tired.
Vicki Vance confused me. I thought her name was Nicki. But the V V construction works well.
The scene of Morgan's breakdown is visceral. You can feel his terror and emotional turmoil as the parade of voices goes by.
Nice touch: " . . . she turned into wisps of smoke in his fingers."
Since we are still midscene, perhaps: The next thing Morgan (felt) was freezing cold water washing . . .
Wow, The Lost Weekend/Days of Wine and Roses kind of chapter. Very moving.
Sol
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Thank you, Sol. This is one of my favorite chapters so far. I want you to know that I really appreciate the time you are spending to help me.
Douglas
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
This is real confusing. The only thing he needed to do was stay at home. If he had any friends left, one of them should have stayed with him. Mandatory. If he has none, then he is screwed, blued, and tattooed. Karen
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2024
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This is real confusing. The only thing he needed to do was stay at home. If he had any friends left, one of them should have stayed with him. Mandatory. If he has none, then he is screwed, blued, and tattooed. Karen
Comment Written 20-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2024
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Morgan Seems screwed to me. Confusion reigns supreme. Where?s Hutch? The killer? Why?s this Belzar judging him? The killer? What bug is up states add? The killer? Where?s Tamra in his time of need? The killer? Why hasn?t Dr. Parker put him on meds? The killer? What was that reporter doing at the alleyway? The killer? And this Kelly gettin all the freebies. The killer? Let?s not forget about Paco. Although his hands are useless now. Ha! Your only mission, is s to solve my riddle. Oh yeah, and my errors. That would be a kindness.
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I wouldn't want to be inside your head right now. Dr. parker is feeble. Perhaps she is the killer. He should have been on meds long ago. And as a drunkard and a wallower, he posed a threat to others, she should have reported him. Karen
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Excellent. Brings everything back around and ties any loose ends in a bundle. Now the recovery is set to begin, and wo' be to Paco and friends.
"You tell them I'm comin and hell's comin' with me." QUoting Wyatt Earp from the movie Tombstone.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Excellent. Brings everything back around and ties any loose ends in a bundle. Now the recovery is set to begin, and wo' be to Paco and friends.
"You tell them I'm comin and hell's comin' with me." QUoting Wyatt Earp from the movie Tombstone.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Yes, Sir! Agreed!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Such vivid hallucinations here! Morgan is getting to a point of no return. We remember Doctor Parker's words to him very clearly and, surely, if he is going to survive, he's reached his lowest ebb and may be able to pull himself back up again. But I wouldn't like to bet on it. You excelled with this black hole, Doug. I think this was intentional but did you want to say: wanting very badly to go (to) sleep? Well done for keeping up the pace, drama and throwing a spanner in the works regarding the identity of the killer! Debbie
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Such vivid hallucinations here! Morgan is getting to a point of no return. We remember Doctor Parker's words to him very clearly and, surely, if he is going to survive, he's reached his lowest ebb and may be able to pull himself back up again. But I wouldn't like to bet on it. You excelled with this black hole, Doug. I think this was intentional but did you want to say: wanting very badly to go (to) sleep? Well done for keeping up the pace, drama and throwing a spanner in the works regarding the identity of the killer! Debbie
Comment Written 18-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Tate and Belzar definitely add dimension to the suspect list. Morgan Harper needs an intervention!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, Douglas,
Poor Morgan, he is in bad shape. The weed must had been really strong or laced with something.. then Paco... what a terrible night. Thank God for Belzar.
I hope he finds some peace and forgives himself.
Well done
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Hello, Douglas,
Poor Morgan, he is in bad shape. The weed must had been really strong or laced with something.. then Paco... what a terrible night. Thank God for Belzar.
I hope he finds some peace and forgives himself.
Well done
Comment Written 18-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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He has to get clean or he is finished!
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I am a recovering addict, once an addict, always an addict. I have been clean and sober since 1995.
What happened to your frog? lol
I do like Hermit the Frog.
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I love anything muppets. Does that make me an oddball? You are a success story, my friend.
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I love the Muppets too
"Life?s like a movie. Write your own ending." - Hermit the Frog
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Morgan is in really bad shape. I can't imagine him going any lower, but you're the author. I do want Morgan to get help and fast. I am guessing only Tamra can give him the help he needs but will she and will he allow here.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Morgan is in really bad shape. I can't imagine him going any lower, but you're the author. I do want Morgan to get help and fast. I am guessing only Tamra can give him the help he needs but will she and will he allow here.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Can?t get much lower than this. So, where to from here . . . Redemption? Prison? Death? See you tomorrow!
Comment from Julie Helms
Poor Morgan. Rock bottom REALLY sucks.
Some edits for you:
Barry Marson's voice (not sure, but wasn't his name Marston?)
(Reword one of these. Too repetitive too close to each other)
his thoughts began to fade in and out
floating head appeared in front of Morgan, fading in and out.
shamed this department, son. (Son--cap in place of a name)
Two uniformed officers drug him (dragged)
He did not appreciating the gruff (appreciate)
racked the slid, putting a bullet (slide?)
Please don't leave poor Morgan in the vomit of life too long!
Julie :-)
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Poor Morgan. Rock bottom REALLY sucks.
Some edits for you:
Barry Marson's voice (not sure, but wasn't his name Marston?)
(Reword one of these. Too repetitive too close to each other)
his thoughts began to fade in and out
floating head appeared in front of Morgan, fading in and out.
shamed this department, son. (Son--cap in place of a name)
Two uniformed officers drug him (dragged)
He did not appreciating the gruff (appreciate)
racked the slid, putting a bullet (slide?)
Please don't leave poor Morgan in the vomit of life too long!
Julie :-)
Comment Written 18-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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What would I do without you? These are perfect. Thank you, so much!
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You are quite welcome! And by the way, I'm very impressed at how fast you can churn out a well-written novel. I wrote one, 80,000 words and it took me TWO years!!
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Thank you! I am late to the game and did not start seriously writing until 2 years ago. I am packed full of book ideas that I want to roll out. So I have a full head. Still it has a lot of grammar issues and a few timeline issues. Many of these would have been resolved if I had time to edit better. Still, I think it is going well so far. I was aiming for confusion and dizziness with this chapter. Hoping I hit that.
D
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Absolutely! You put us IN his head which is not a great place to be!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well I certainly hope 'this' is the bottom!
It was so foul that Morgan unloaded a follow-up stream on his lap. - The vomit was foul, or the gutter was foul? A bit confusing. But if the vomit was foul, why would that make him want to throw up in his own lap?
...his father's .44 memorable US Marine Corps pistol. - You sure 'memorable' is the word you want?
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Well I certainly hope 'this' is the bottom!
It was so foul that Morgan unloaded a follow-up stream on his lap. - The vomit was foul, or the gutter was foul? A bit confusing. But if the vomit was foul, why would that make him want to throw up in his own lap?
...his father's .44 memorable US Marine Corps pistol. - You sure 'memorable' is the word you want?
Best wishes.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Awesome catch thank n memorable. You da man!
Comment from Terry Broxson
Douglas, I'm wondering if Morgan is really just a bad man who is doing bad things. So far we have learned more about his back sliding than the things that may have made him a good man. He has certainly made bad choices. He is not very sympathetic; he needs lots of rehabilitation. Terry.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Douglas, I'm wondering if Morgan is really just a bad man who is doing bad things. So far we have learned more about his back sliding than the things that may have made him a good man. He has certainly made bad choices. He is not very sympathetic; he needs lots of rehabilitation. Terry.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Seems nearly impossible to rehab him. We shall see?
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This guy sounds like he is not in a good place in life and drugs don't help him make the right decisions here. An authentic write Geoff and felt the room spinning at times.
Did you mean (drag) here Geoff?
(Two uniformed officers (drug) him to their awaiting squad car).
Love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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This guy sounds like he is not in a good place in life and drugs don't help him make the right decisions here. An authentic write Geoff and felt the room spinning at times.
Did you mean (drag) here Geoff?
(Two uniformed officers (drug) him to their awaiting squad car).
Love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 18-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the fixes, Miss Dolly, and room spinning was the exact feel I was aiming for!