Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Chapter 6 part two"Can love survive small town gossip?
85 total reviews
Comment from M.L. Gardner
I have read the story up to this point. I have kept reading because I want to know what is going to happen with this couple next. You have a good formula and portray Joe well. That said, I think you're manuscript would benefit greatly if you used tags. Something I learned through working with my editor is that a sentence of dialogue followed by an action tends to make it choppy as one reads. Everything doesn't need a tag, it's obvious who is talking, but I think it would provide a smooth transition from the dialogue to the action. The dialogue itself is good. The narrative in between seems a bit stiff and, IMHO, could use some fattening. Regardless of these things, I continue to read, wondering what will happen next.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2010
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I have read the story up to this point. I have kept reading because I want to know what is going to happen with this couple next. You have a good formula and portray Joe well. That said, I think you're manuscript would benefit greatly if you used tags. Something I learned through working with my editor is that a sentence of dialogue followed by an action tends to make it choppy as one reads. Everything doesn't need a tag, it's obvious who is talking, but I think it would provide a smooth transition from the dialogue to the action. The dialogue itself is good. The narrative in between seems a bit stiff and, IMHO, could use some fattening. Regardless of these things, I continue to read, wondering what will happen next.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your review. I find it very interesting because I started using speech tags in my earlies stories and was told not to use them. In my research, I read not to use them unless you don't know who's speaking. I will continue continue with additional research. Could you please expand on ideas for fattening up my narrative.
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Sure. I will send you a private message about that. I understand there are mixed opinions on the tags. I think they are sometimes overused. I think it depends on the author, the style and simply what makes the piece better. I may not know alot, but I do know this. There really are no hard and fast rules. Some will stand on their published pedistals and preach "never do this" "always do that" . Hogwash. We have creative freedom. I will send you some ideas in just a little bit. A brownie is calling my name. Loudly.
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I looked at your profile. I am not familar with that publishing company. Can you tell me a little about them?
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I just sent you an email about them. Have a great day!
MLG
Comment from afternoonlight
Oh my can't have too much fun without something bad happening...now we have to run around searching for Cassie. Hmmm. I'm reading on.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2010
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Oh my can't have too much fun without something bad happening...now we have to run around searching for Cassie. Hmmm. I'm reading on.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. Yes, that tends to happen in romance novels.
Comment from S. R. Christian
Tender and loving. Even though I haven't read any of the chapters previous, I still felt that the world of Joe and Sara has been through struggle as well as intimacy. The chapter is well-told with believable characters.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2010
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Tender and loving. Even though I haven't read any of the chapters previous, I still felt that the world of Joe and Sara has been through struggle as well as intimacy. The chapter is well-told with believable characters.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Scornwell
As well written as usual. Your characters come across well and the dialog sounds realistic and seems consistent with the characters. I didn't notice any mistakes.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2010
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As well written as usual. Your characters come across well and the dialog sounds realistic and seems consistent with the characters. I didn't notice any mistakes.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Realist101
First, my best to you in your next surgery Barbara. I surely hope all goes well...I will think of you! And as for this chapter, I really liked the love scene in the shower. This was/is romantic, and I could picture what was going on, without graphic detail. Nicely done Barbara! I will really try to keep up with you! ") HUGS!! Susan
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2010
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First, my best to you in your next surgery Barbara. I surely hope all goes well...I will think of you! And as for this chapter, I really liked the love scene in the shower. This was/is romantic, and I could picture what was going on, without graphic detail. Nicely done Barbara! I will really try to keep up with you! ") HUGS!! Susan
Comment Written 16-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2010
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Its been almost two days since my surgery and although I feel better each day, I still feel like I was ran over by a Mac truck. Thank you for your kind review.
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Oh it's good to hear from you Barbara. I have a lump on my chest, so I need to go have it x-rayed...just keep putting it off. When I see others, including you facing this, it breaks my heart and is so scary. I sure hope you will be free of this soon! Gee. It's my pleasure to read your work, I sure wish you all the very best Barbara. HUGS! Susan
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get your x-ray!!!!!
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i really will, need to call for appt. this week. I promise. YOU take care too. xoxo. Susan
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Today is the first day, I tried reviewing. I reviewed three posts in my PM's and took a nap, now I am back for a few minutes.
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") You are a brave soul. Take your time Barbara. We will be here for you. ") Luv, Susan
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I have to tell you, our labrador and this is my fault, I put one of those damn chips in his shoulder, and Barbara, he just developed a fat red thing sticking out of his spot where they put it!! Our dalmation had cancer and she is gone, now this. He is the light of my life, and I may have killed him. I am losing my mind. "( S.
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My yellow labrador got cancer and we couldn't afford the surgery to help her. We made her comfortable until she was ready to go. I understand.
Comment from essence56
Great story and character action. I just love this story and I wait for as long as it takes to take in more. Another storyline of characters that I hope have a happy ending. Very good. Take care of yourself Barb, you are in my prayers.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2010
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Great story and character action. I just love this story and I wait for as long as it takes to take in more. Another storyline of characters that I hope have a happy ending. Very good. Take care of yourself Barb, you are in my prayers.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from RKagan
You leave the reader with a great hook at the end. I have been following your story and its coming along with excellence! I hope you feel better soon. God Bless.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2010
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You leave the reader with a great hook at the end. I have been following your story and its coming along with excellence! I hope you feel better soon. God Bless.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from misscookie
This is a very interesting story you left me on the edge of my chair wondering what is going to happen next.' there was never a dull moment. This is a good write.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2010
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This is a very interesting story you left me on the edge of my chair wondering what is going to happen next.' there was never a dull moment. This is a good write.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
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You're very welcome, have a nice evening.
Comment from yellowrosebud
I really enjoyed chapter 65.I guess now I must read the rest cause I loved both the characters especailly Sara Cassidy.I loved her innocents and not being afraid to say what's her fears.Very Well Done!
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2010
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I really enjoyed chapter 65.I guess now I must read the rest cause I loved both the characters especailly Sara Cassidy.I loved her innocents and not being afraid to say what's her fears.Very Well Done!
Comment Written 15-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from marcii
Another good chapter. Your description a good and how she still feels she is not good enough to be loved by him, is what many people do actually feel at times.
I like the ending sets it up for the next chapter nicely.
Marcii
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2010
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Another good chapter. Your description a good and how she still feels she is not good enough to be loved by him, is what many people do actually feel at times.
I like the ending sets it up for the next chapter nicely.
Marcii
Comment Written 15-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.