Wooden Leg
what I remember38 total reviews
Comment from Martin Sloan
Hi Humpwhistle,
This is a fascinating little story, and it takes me back to the odd things I remember in my childhood.
I thought what made it was its presentaiton. You didn't take every word and clump them together in two or three paragraphs. Instead, you made several paragraphs. This, I think, has the effect of making it even lighter, easier to read, and it makes points stand outmore, like from paragraphs four to six.
Well doen and all the best
Martin
reply by the author on 06-May-2011
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Hi Humpwhistle,
This is a fascinating little story, and it takes me back to the odd things I remember in my childhood.
I thought what made it was its presentaiton. You didn't take every word and clump them together in two or three paragraphs. Instead, you made several paragraphs. This, I think, has the effect of making it even lighter, easier to read, and it makes points stand outmore, like from paragraphs four to six.
Well doen and all the best
Martin
Comment Written 06-May-2011
reply by the author on 06-May-2011
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Good Morning, Martin! I'm delighted that you are still perusing my portfolio, this is a compliment, indeed. This story is mostly true. My decision to go with short paragraphs harkens back to my days as an adman. I think large blocks of type daunt the reader, and lead them to skim rather than read. Thank you for your continued interest, Martin. Peace, Lee
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Hi Lee,
You're welcome. Thanks for your explanation; I like seeing behind the scenes, so to speak.
Martin.
Comment from amada
A very well written and touching story. I was enthralled there at the "on my wrist she'd lead me away, at the irresistible allure of the hanging leg." A very captivating work.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2011
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A very well written and touching story. I was enthralled there at the "on my wrist she'd lead me away, at the irresistible allure of the hanging leg." A very captivating work.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2011
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Thank you, amanda. I really appreciate your comments. This little piece means a lot to me. Thanks again, Lee
Comment from Judian James
Hi there. GREAT opening line. Who could top that?
"But I was four-years-old and there was a leg hanging on the other side. Allows didn't count" This read a bit awkward for me, especially as its own paragraph. Also, you just mentioned you were four already. Something like:
"I was not allowed to open the cellar door, but I was only four and knowing there was a leg hanging on the other side, "allows" didn't count."
"With a tut on her lips and a dish-water grip on my wrist she'd lead me away, my head swiveled back toward the irresistible allure of the hanging leg." I love this line!
I might add "with" before "my head" ... ?
"My grandfather, Eric, was buried with his favorite leg"
would "wearing" make more sense than "with" (it kinda sounds like it was laying beside him rather than as part of him)
The last line brought tears. This is a wonderful piece, Lee, that I enjoyed so much. It tells a lot about you.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Hi there. GREAT opening line. Who could top that?
"But I was four-years-old and there was a leg hanging on the other side. Allows didn't count" This read a bit awkward for me, especially as its own paragraph. Also, you just mentioned you were four already. Something like:
"I was not allowed to open the cellar door, but I was only four and knowing there was a leg hanging on the other side, "allows" didn't count."
"With a tut on her lips and a dish-water grip on my wrist she'd lead me away, my head swiveled back toward the irresistible allure of the hanging leg." I love this line!
I might add "with" before "my head" ... ?
"My grandfather, Eric, was buried with his favorite leg"
would "wearing" make more sense than "with" (it kinda sounds like it was laying beside him rather than as part of him)
The last line brought tears. This is a wonderful piece, Lee, that I enjoyed so much. It tells a lot about you.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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What a great review, Jude. Thank you. Maybe if I just put "" around allows and eliminate the 4years old.
I don't know if he was wearing the leg when he was buried---I was four, and I was determined to keep this one truthful.
All the points you mention are valid and helpful. You are as good a reviewer as you are a writer.
I know you know this piece is a little special to me.
Thanks again, Lee
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I understand completely.
Comment from writer c
You wrote this in a very engaging way, Lee. Aww, grandpa on a bed with wheels...child's perception well caught. "shriek by, apron-shooing me away"....great showing. Scary and fascinating leg. Interesting how we maintain connection to our loves..pressed flowers, a song, or a wooden leg. I really ound this a good write and a touching read. Kudos, Lee.
Carol
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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You wrote this in a very engaging way, Lee. Aww, grandpa on a bed with wheels...child's perception well caught. "shriek by, apron-shooing me away"....great showing. Scary and fascinating leg. Interesting how we maintain connection to our loves..pressed flowers, a song, or a wooden leg. I really ound this a good write and a touching read. Kudos, Lee.
Carol
Comment Written 08-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Thank you, Carol. I am touched by your review. That cellar-stair doorway---it is a portal to time-travel for me. I know you get it. Thank you, really. Peace, Lee
Comment from Tellis
I enjoyed reading this piece and I could understand the fascination of that leg. I bet I would have pestered everyone to tell me why that leg was hanging there, LoL.
Tellis
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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I enjoyed reading this piece and I could understand the fascination of that leg. I bet I would have pestered everyone to tell me why that leg was hanging there, LoL.
Tellis
Comment Written 08-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Thanks, Tellis. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Peace, Lee
Comment from Maxine Kendall
Oh this one tugged at the old heart strings. What an endearing memory!
Your story is well written and very believable given it is written from a four year old's perspective.
apron-shooing me away ... I love this!
A terrific ending.
Well done and good luck.
Maxine
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
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Oh this one tugged at the old heart strings. What an endearing memory!
Your story is well written and very believable given it is written from a four year old's perspective.
apron-shooing me away ... I love this!
A terrific ending.
Well done and good luck.
Maxine
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
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I thank you so much. I appreciate your fine comments, Maxine.
I hope you will vote. X
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Have done so. Good luck!
Comment from SteveG1960
This is a terrific part of your family history and I loved it! It is very moving and you do a good job conveying the wonder and the intensity of a four year olds grasp of the world around him. I think your grandfather would be proud of this and would get a chuckle out of the fact that his spare leg made such an impression on you. Thanks for sharing this part of your history with us. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
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This is a terrific part of your family history and I loved it! It is very moving and you do a good job conveying the wonder and the intensity of a four year olds grasp of the world around him. I think your grandfather would be proud of this and would get a chuckle out of the fact that his spare leg made such an impression on you. Thanks for sharing this part of your history with us. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
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Thank you, Steve. It was a difficult story to write, but it feels good now. Again, I thank you, and I hope you will vote. X
Comment from Shirley B
I love this story. My best friend's dad had a wooden arm, but I was terrified of it. Your story is filled with so much love and warmth toward your grandfather. Your writing made me feel like that young child. Thank you for sharing this great story. Best of luck in the contest, Shirley
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
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I love this story. My best friend's dad had a wooden arm, but I was terrified of it. Your story is filled with so much love and warmth toward your grandfather. Your writing made me feel like that young child. Thank you for sharing this great story. Best of luck in the contest, Shirley
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
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Thank you, Shirley. I'm glad you enjoyed, and I hope you will vote. X
Comment from OldVet
Touching tale. Good luck!
Suggestions:
I was [four years old,] and I didn't know [that - not needed, delete] my grandfather wasn't whole.
[Hyphen misuse. A four-year-old boy -or- The boy is four years old. A hint of when to use hypens with the world "year" is if it's plural (years), don't use hypens]
But I was [four years old,] and there was a leg hanging on the other side.
oily over-alls [overalls]
cinder-block [cinder block]
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
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Touching tale. Good luck!
Suggestions:
I was [four years old,] and I didn't know [that - not needed, delete] my grandfather wasn't whole.
[Hyphen misuse. A four-year-old boy -or- The boy is four years old. A hint of when to use hypens with the world "year" is if it's plural (years), don't use hypens]
But I was [four years old,] and there was a leg hanging on the other side.
oily over-alls [overalls]
cinder-block [cinder block]
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
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thank you for the hints. X
Comment from swosugrad09
Wow what a story! Your title really hooked me. I was beginning to wonder if it were true or not until I read the author notes. Great memory of you and your grandfather. Best of luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
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Wow what a story! Your title really hooked me. I was beginning to wonder if it were true or not until I read the author notes. Great memory of you and your grandfather. Best of luck in the contest!
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
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thank you so much. Your review means a lot. I hope you will vote. X
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I do indeed plan to vote :)