Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Part One of Chapter 1"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
117 total reviews
Comment from MelB
I looked this up on Amazon, but there is only a Kindle version. It took some searching, but so glad I found it. I look forward to reading more! I already hate this husband!
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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I looked this up on Amazon, but there is only a Kindle version. It took some searching, but so glad I found it. I look forward to reading more! I already hate this husband!
Comment Written 08-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate it. Yes, the publisher I went with only does kindle. My next book is at a publishers now. I am hoping to get it into print.
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You're welcome. Wonderful!
Comment from NaughtieScribe
My initial encounter with your characters was near chapter 70. I bookmarked it so that I could begin at the beginning. Already I can reaffirm your gift as a writer. I've just met Bobby and hate him already. Good going.
Oh mercy my heart goes out to Anna. It makes knowing a little of what's to come even more difficult. You grab the readers heart from the first page. Damn you really are good.
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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My initial encounter with your characters was near chapter 70. I bookmarked it so that I could begin at the beginning. Already I can reaffirm your gift as a writer. I've just met Bobby and hate him already. Good going.
Oh mercy my heart goes out to Anna. It makes knowing a little of what's to come even more difficult. You grab the readers heart from the first page. Damn you really are good.
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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I am sorry you had to read this when there's no bonus points attached. Thank you.
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Barbara: You are funny. I'm reading it because I love the story. That doesn't require a bonus. I'm looking forward to getting home tonight and really making a dent in my reading. Hugs
Comment from kmtracy
Hello Barbara:
Thank you for posting your project to share. I have only begun to read "Lonely Hearts Meet" and so, my comments speak to Chapter One.
That said; these pages accomplish a great deal quickly and in an interesting manner. Everything necessary for me to know in a setup is here. The next benchmark will be the catalyst to propel the story forward. The foreshadowing with the collison with Troy is excellent.
What I like absolutely the most here is that things happen. Sounds silly until it's realized there is little descriptive narrative. I discover what I must know to understand and appreciate the story from what the characters DO. Wonderfully terrific!
There's movement expressed in images. Human characteristics are evident. As a reader, I recognize instantly who the story is about, and her present story world. I anticipate the antagonist's actions without being certain of what to expect. Very well done for me. This sort of writing keeps me reading to find out what happens next. How good is that?
The pace is fast and breezy, lots of space on the page to make reading easy and inviting. Well done.
The dialog doesn't come off quite natural to me. It sounds, well... like prose. That is, the speech, while individualized in Voice, just doesn't sound real. For me, the killer is always dialog. It takes a lot for me to communicate the two primary functions of dialog and not go beyond that. I know, ugh!
In sum, you're on to something here with real prospects for twists and turns you seem to have coming in an attention grabbing and holding writing style.
I look forward to reading the next segment soon.
Best Regards,
Keith
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Hello Barbara:
Thank you for posting your project to share. I have only begun to read "Lonely Hearts Meet" and so, my comments speak to Chapter One.
That said; these pages accomplish a great deal quickly and in an interesting manner. Everything necessary for me to know in a setup is here. The next benchmark will be the catalyst to propel the story forward. The foreshadowing with the collison with Troy is excellent.
What I like absolutely the most here is that things happen. Sounds silly until it's realized there is little descriptive narrative. I discover what I must know to understand and appreciate the story from what the characters DO. Wonderfully terrific!
There's movement expressed in images. Human characteristics are evident. As a reader, I recognize instantly who the story is about, and her present story world. I anticipate the antagonist's actions without being certain of what to expect. Very well done for me. This sort of writing keeps me reading to find out what happens next. How good is that?
The pace is fast and breezy, lots of space on the page to make reading easy and inviting. Well done.
The dialog doesn't come off quite natural to me. It sounds, well... like prose. That is, the speech, while individualized in Voice, just doesn't sound real. For me, the killer is always dialog. It takes a lot for me to communicate the two primary functions of dialog and not go beyond that. I know, ugh!
In sum, you're on to something here with real prospects for twists and turns you seem to have coming in an attention grabbing and holding writing style.
I look forward to reading the next segment soon.
Best Regards,
Keith
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Thank you for your review.
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Sure.
Comment from linnietwotymez
I can't wait to read the next chapter. I am curious. Why did you insert a semi colon here: Probably; he's a guy. Anna sighed and returned to reading. Just wanted to know because I know it's usage can be confusing.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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I can't wait to read the next chapter. I am curious. Why did you insert a semi colon here: Probably; he's a guy. Anna sighed and returned to reading. Just wanted to know because I know it's usage can be confusing.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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I don't remember, but probably because somebody told me I needed one. I don't normally use semi colons. I have a few reviewwers whose puncutation abilities I trust.
Comment from rzubey
I like, if I can say that, the suspense in this story. You can see right away that Anna's husband is a mean drunk and an abuser. I'm very anxious to see how Anna gets away. Domestic violence is a very timely issue. I'm always glad to see when attention is brought to the issue. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter which I will do now. No faults to find in your story. I'm looking forward to see how it will develop.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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I like, if I can say that, the suspense in this story. You can see right away that Anna's husband is a mean drunk and an abuser. I'm very anxious to see how Anna gets away. Domestic violence is a very timely issue. I'm always glad to see when attention is brought to the issue. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter which I will do now. No faults to find in your story. I'm looking forward to see how it will develop.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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Thank your for going back and reading from the beginning. I am sorry you don't get the bonus points I had on it. Thank you again.
Comment from LisaMartino
This is great. I got the emotion and the voice of Anna. I also felt her desperation and hatred she feels towards her husband. I know I am coming in late on this, but one suggestion is a bit more description of scenery and characters. Though I have been told I go overboard on the description scene, LOL. It is only a suggestion as it is what I like to see in a novel. So, please only take it as a suggestion.
I can't wait to read more...
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2012
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This is great. I got the emotion and the voice of Anna. I also felt her desperation and hatred she feels towards her husband. I know I am coming in late on this, but one suggestion is a bit more description of scenery and characters. Though I have been told I go overboard on the description scene, LOL. It is only a suggestion as it is what I like to see in a novel. So, please only take it as a suggestion.
I can't wait to read more...
Comment Written 08-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2012
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I don't do a lot of descriptions, because in romance writing, we are told if it doesn't more the storyline along keep it out. The day of a lot of descriptions has long past. I only put in what is necessary.
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Ahhh, see. I am old fashioned. Then when I read the rest, I will remember that is the romance way. Thanks.
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Romance is a little different from the other genres, or so I am told.
Comment from Tammara
WOW, I am really going to like your book. It really hits a sore spot with me having gone through abusive myself. I can't wait to read the rest of your story and see how you got out of it. You are very brave to right this book, I know how hard it must be for you.
Tammara
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2011
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WOW, I am really going to like your book. It really hits a sore spot with me having gone through abusive myself. I can't wait to read the rest of your story and see how you got out of it. You are very brave to right this book, I know how hard it must be for you.
Tammara
Comment Written 21-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Tamis Renteria
I think scene two of this selection is stronger than scene one where she meets the love interest. In scene two, the dialogue is believable and the conflict -- absolutely essential to driving a piece of fiction -- is clear; it's a bully husband verses a woman trying to keep her life together. We as readers are drawn in and we want to know how she's going to eventually get out of this situation and win.
In terms of scene one, two places in particular need some work 1) where she trips and lands in his lap, and 2) where she sits and tries to mask her embarrassment.
1) This is confusing. I would say something like, "she continued to read while walking toward the chair, neglecting to notice that she was about to trip over a pair of size 10 snake skin cowboy boots which were protruding out into the aisle. [or whatever shoes the hunk might be wearing]. 'Ugh' Her body tilted forward, her legs flew into the air, and she landed chest first into the lap of the most gorgeous man she had ever laid eyes on. His big, blue eyes widened as he stared down at her."
Try to weave the description of your character, in this case, the gorgeous guy, into the actual narrative rather than putting it all in a clump. Also, think out and try to carefully describe crucial actions like her tripping so that the reader can follow you more easily.
2) For a smoother prose, try to link some of these sentences instead of making choppy separate sentences. For example: "She sat in a chair across from him and raised the book to cover her face, all the while taking deep breaths and trying to mask her embarrassment."
Back to scene one: He waves, and she "returned it" but the reader isn't sure what "it," refers to. I would say explicitly that she returned the wave.
Maybe it would be helpful to describe the woman a little more, weaving it into the prose, to really give us a strong sense of how she looks and how timid and broken she is, even in the library where she's "safe."
The dialogue is authentic sounding and has good rhythm.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2011
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I think scene two of this selection is stronger than scene one where she meets the love interest. In scene two, the dialogue is believable and the conflict -- absolutely essential to driving a piece of fiction -- is clear; it's a bully husband verses a woman trying to keep her life together. We as readers are drawn in and we want to know how she's going to eventually get out of this situation and win.
In terms of scene one, two places in particular need some work 1) where she trips and lands in his lap, and 2) where she sits and tries to mask her embarrassment.
1) This is confusing. I would say something like, "she continued to read while walking toward the chair, neglecting to notice that she was about to trip over a pair of size 10 snake skin cowboy boots which were protruding out into the aisle. [or whatever shoes the hunk might be wearing]. 'Ugh' Her body tilted forward, her legs flew into the air, and she landed chest first into the lap of the most gorgeous man she had ever laid eyes on. His big, blue eyes widened as he stared down at her."
Try to weave the description of your character, in this case, the gorgeous guy, into the actual narrative rather than putting it all in a clump. Also, think out and try to carefully describe crucial actions like her tripping so that the reader can follow you more easily.
2) For a smoother prose, try to link some of these sentences instead of making choppy separate sentences. For example: "She sat in a chair across from him and raised the book to cover her face, all the while taking deep breaths and trying to mask her embarrassment."
Back to scene one: He waves, and she "returned it" but the reader isn't sure what "it," refers to. I would say explicitly that she returned the wave.
Maybe it would be helpful to describe the woman a little more, weaving it into the prose, to really give us a strong sense of how she looks and how timid and broken she is, even in the library where she's "safe."
The dialogue is authentic sounding and has good rhythm.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2011
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Thank you.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
I was just going to read it to catch up, but i'm anal--I can't pass by certain spags. Good beginning.
I should watch where I'm walking. I am so embar[r]assed."
Dinner better be done[] before I return."
BTW, didn't you write a book about Matt and Dani? I looked through your profile but couldn't find it
Roberta
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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I was just going to read it to catch up, but i'm anal--I can't pass by certain spags. Good beginning.
I should watch where I'm walking. I am so embar[r]assed."
Dinner better be done[] before I return."
BTW, didn't you write a book about Matt and Dani? I looked through your profile but couldn't find it
Roberta
Comment Written 10-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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Yes, I did and it's called Her Pretty Little Neck, it was the second book I posted. Thank you for your kindness,
Comment from Patrates
Wow! it's only part 1 of chapter 1 and yet there's already a build up of the story. Bobby - that son of %&#$@# - I'm wondering what made him treat Anna that way. I wanna find out in the succeeding chapters if Anna did something to Bobby to make him treat her that way.
I wished there was more description about Troy Whitman. The way you mentioned him, he seems like a handsome man.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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Wow! it's only part 1 of chapter 1 and yet there's already a build up of the story. Bobby - that son of %&#$@# - I'm wondering what made him treat Anna that way. I wanna find out in the succeeding chapters if Anna did something to Bobby to make him treat her that way.
I wished there was more description about Troy Whitman. The way you mentioned him, he seems like a handsome man.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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We discover a lot more about Troy as the story developes. Thank you for reading. I am sorry there's not bonus points attached.