Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Part Two Chapter One"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
89 total reviews
Comment from NaughtieScribe
I am so loving Troy. My heart goes out to him for all he's been through. Which would make him the perfect partner for Anna. Assuming she gets out of her situation.
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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I am so loving Troy. My heart goes out to him for all he's been through. Which would make him the perfect partner for Anna. Assuming she gets out of her situation.
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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We shall see if she gets out of her situation. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from linnietwotymez
This chapter is interesting. The monologue is great. I was having a conversation about relationships and what women think and though it was not along the lines of domestic abuse I thought of the conversation I had earlier. It is well written.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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This chapter is interesting. The monologue is great. I was having a conversation about relationships and what women think and though it was not along the lines of domestic abuse I thought of the conversation I had earlier. It is well written.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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thank you
Comment from rzubey
I like that Troy had such a brutal life and is still capable of helping. Most children of abusers become abusers themselves. I think you have done you research on this, too, because I think Anna is showing all the traits of an abused wife, especially when she tries to hide the bruises. I pray that you don't know about this first hand.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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I like that Troy had such a brutal life and is still capable of helping. Most children of abusers become abusers themselves. I think you have done you research on this, too, because I think Anna is showing all the traits of an abused wife, especially when she tries to hide the bruises. I pray that you don't know about this first hand.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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Thank you
Comment from Tammara
This is a really good story, I can't wait to see were it goes from here. You are a really good writer! :)
Tammara
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2011
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This is a really good story, I can't wait to see were it goes from here. You are a really good writer! :)
Tammara
Comment Written 21-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Tamis Renteria
At the opening of this selection, I would refer to the agency as her workplace, and say something about noticing the man across the street, the one named Troy, that she had seen in the bookstore the day before.
Good -- the relationship continues and he now knows about her bruises and has shared something about his own background.
The sequence of events at the beginning is a little confusing. She's in her boss's office, then out, then she's at the bookstore. Guide the reader so we know where the character is and how she got there -- not a lot of detail, but just a bit more fleshing out.
Watch the "smile erupted," "grin erupted," thing. You used it in the first selection already, and I'm not sure what you mean by a smile "erupting" anyway -- it blows up? Maybe you could find a better word. I know, it's hard, but picture his lips -- does his smile spread, or bloom, or light up, or ease across his face? Give me a word that tells me something about him.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2011
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At the opening of this selection, I would refer to the agency as her workplace, and say something about noticing the man across the street, the one named Troy, that she had seen in the bookstore the day before.
Good -- the relationship continues and he now knows about her bruises and has shared something about his own background.
The sequence of events at the beginning is a little confusing. She's in her boss's office, then out, then she's at the bookstore. Guide the reader so we know where the character is and how she got there -- not a lot of detail, but just a bit more fleshing out.
Watch the "smile erupted," "grin erupted," thing. You used it in the first selection already, and I'm not sure what you mean by a smile "erupting" anyway -- it blows up? Maybe you could find a better word. I know, it's hard, but picture his lips -- does his smile spread, or bloom, or light up, or ease across his face? Give me a word that tells me something about him.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2011
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I have remained in the proper POV and have notified my reader suffiently when I swithced. Thank you.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
Nothing like jumping in with both feet. I'm always suspicious of men who come on so strong.
She adjusted the sweater sleeve covering her lower right arm[] before she entered his office.
Roberta
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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Nothing like jumping in with both feet. I'm always suspicious of men who come on so strong.
She adjusted the sweater sleeve covering her lower right arm[] before she entered his office.
Roberta
Comment Written 10-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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Thank you for the kind review. I am sorry there's no points attached.
Comment from Patrates
Maybe this is just me - my personal feelings toward the story - so I hope you won't get offended. In this part two, I can see Anna as a timid woman, you know the type of woman who shows the world that she is close to being perfect, trying her best to serve her husband and be a good mother, but then deep within her, she has some darkness. But maybe that is driven by what Bobby has been doing to her.
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reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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Maybe this is just me - my personal feelings toward the story - so I hope you won't get offended. In this part two, I can see Anna as a timid woman, you know the type of woman who shows the world that she is close to being perfect, trying her best to serve her husband and be a good mother, but then deep within her, she has some darkness. But maybe that is driven by what Bobby has been doing to her.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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Abused women have extremely low self-esteems. I am glad it came out, that's the purpose for the chapter. These men are bullies and play on the low self-esteem. I am sorry you don't understand that. This situation is part of the abuse.
Comment from writerwish
Good story. I think you came in just at the right time with Troy's explanation to his own background, cause it was feeling a little unreal.
reply by the author on 07-May-2011
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Good story. I think you came in just at the right time with Troy's explanation to his own background, cause it was feeling a little unreal.
Comment Written 06-May-2011
reply by the author on 07-May-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and insight.
Comment from charolette.garrett
I enjoy the escalation of the situation in this chapter. I really liked the fact that her thoughts were in italics. I also like the fact that Troy is so forward with his actions. the only placed where I had a question was what is melted my reserve. I could imply maybe two ways. I just want to make sure I am getting the full meaning of what you are trying to convey. I really enjoyed reading chapter two. Now on to the next one. I look forward to the rest.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2011
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I enjoy the escalation of the situation in this chapter. I really liked the fact that her thoughts were in italics. I also like the fact that Troy is so forward with his actions. the only placed where I had a question was what is melted my reserve. I could imply maybe two ways. I just want to make sure I am getting the full meaning of what you are trying to convey. I really enjoyed reading chapter two. Now on to the next one. I look forward to the rest.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2011
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I am not sure why you gave me a three for this chapter, you made no suggestions. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
[As Anna left her boss's office,] - the word office seems a bit repetitive here. I know you have a paragraph break, but this line still weakens the writing. the rest of this chapter is superb, it is shocking and very sad and explains why troy is keen to help when most people would turn a blind eye. there's just one thing that bothered me, when he saw the bruises, he said they weren't there yesterday, but but we didn't see bobby put his hands on her.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2011
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[As Anna left her boss's office,] - the word office seems a bit repetitive here. I know you have a paragraph break, but this line still weakens the writing. the rest of this chapter is superb, it is shocking and very sad and explains why troy is keen to help when most people would turn a blind eye. there's just one thing that bothered me, when he saw the bruises, he said they weren't there yesterday, but but we didn't see bobby put his hands on her.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I'm afraid someone will question me if I just say boss. Maybe I could say left the room. That might work.