The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Loss of Innocence"Love Among the Thorns
30 total reviews
Comment from God's Writer
A very interesting story my friend. So grabbing you held my attention the whole way through. Which is a feat with ADHD. I like it when I see someone take such pride in their work making it a pleasure to read instead of the haunts of trying to repair it.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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A very interesting story my friend. So grabbing you held my attention the whole way through. Which is a feat with ADHD. I like it when I see someone take such pride in their work making it a pleasure to read instead of the haunts of trying to repair it.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Thank you so much for this fine review.
Comment from Righteous Riter
The writer does a good job of gradually raising the intensity in this story. The writer uses good transition between the events as this story is well balanced. The pace is nice, steady and consistent as the writer does a good job of taking the reader where the reader needs to go. I see nothing that I would change in this story as I would recommend it to others to read. Good job.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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The writer does a good job of gradually raising the intensity in this story. The writer uses good transition between the events as this story is well balanced. The pace is nice, steady and consistent as the writer does a good job of taking the reader where the reader needs to go. I see nothing that I would change in this story as I would recommend it to others to read. Good job.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Thank you much Riter. I really appreciate you.
Comment from adewpearl
the edge of a sparkling blue Lake - lake
excellent use of natural-sounding dialogue that conveys the emotions of your characters well
You do a good job of setting your characters' personal lives in a larger historical context
Brooke
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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the edge of a sparkling blue Lake - lake
excellent use of natural-sounding dialogue that conveys the emotions of your characters well
You do a good job of setting your characters' personal lives in a larger historical context
Brooke
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
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Awe, thank you Brooke. And I'll make that change.
Comment from Writingfundimension
A great chapter, amahra. I loved the descriptive power of this paragraph:
'The grounds bustled with children standing with colorful balloons and pink cotton candy. The most elderly welcomed the bright humid air; their arthritic joints sucked up the heat from paradise. They called it medicine from God.' I really like that thought!
Well done...
Bev
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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A great chapter, amahra. I loved the descriptive power of this paragraph:
'The grounds bustled with children standing with colorful balloons and pink cotton candy. The most elderly welcomed the bright humid air; their arthritic joints sucked up the heat from paradise. They called it medicine from God.' I really like that thought!
Well done...
Bev
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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Well thank you so much. I kind of like that one myself. So glad we can share one.
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You're welcome, amahra.
Comment from Enrique28
I'm no acquainted with the history involved in this fine chapter, but it's well written with excellent use of dialogue to drive forth the story. Your narrative presents an excellent background image. Well done! Enrique
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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I'm no acquainted with the history involved in this fine chapter, but it's well written with excellent use of dialogue to drive forth the story. Your narrative presents an excellent background image. Well done! Enrique
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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thank you very much.
Comment from Selina Stambi
This is the best chapter so far, I think. You have honed your craft nicely and it shows in this write.
Great dialogue and nice build up of detail using several little incidents.
The summer scene felt like a piece from Gone With The Wind - fiddle-dee-dee ... :)
Well done, ma'am! xxx
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2013
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This is the best chapter so far, I think. You have honed your craft nicely and it shows in this write.
Great dialogue and nice build up of detail using several little incidents.
The summer scene felt like a piece from Gone With The Wind - fiddle-dee-dee ... :)
Well done, ma'am! xxx
Comment Written 03-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2013
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Gone with the wind? Come on, what are you trying to do, give me a big head? LOL I'm kidding. Thank you so much for the vote of confidence in my writing. I really appreciate it, my dear.
Comment from Jade Lawson
Hi Amahra, this is another good chapter, I enjoyed reading it. Good descriptions, particularly in the picnic. Good surroundings description, adding to a quite good imagery. The communication was also good and easy to follow. The subject of the war was interesting.
She put her arm around Eva's waste (waist?)
Let's hope Nathan won't go.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2013
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Hi Amahra, this is another good chapter, I enjoyed reading it. Good descriptions, particularly in the picnic. Good surroundings description, adding to a quite good imagery. The communication was also good and easy to follow. The subject of the war was interesting.
She put her arm around Eva's waste (waist?)
Let's hope Nathan won't go.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2013
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Thank you for catching that stupid error. And thank you for reading.
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You're welcome. ahahah, it's not stupid, the other, I was writing and the same happened to me lol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
It I have only read a few of your posts, but I can tell that it's moving along very well. I like the characters and the dialogue. The plot flows well.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2013
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It I have only read a few of your posts, but I can tell that it's moving along very well. I like the characters and the dialogue. The plot flows well.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2013
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Thank you.
Comment from chasennov
The Animal Doctor. 'The Loss of Innocence.' An excellent chapter you wrote here which I enjoyed reading. I also thought your formulation was pretty good.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2013
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The Animal Doctor. 'The Loss of Innocence.' An excellent chapter you wrote here which I enjoyed reading. I also thought your formulation was pretty good.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2013
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Thank you.
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You're welcome.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, amahra, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where the germans sink a ship and war is threatened. nathan is intent on signing up to go to war
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2013
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this is very well written, amahra, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where the germans sink a ship and war is threatened. nathan is intent on signing up to go to war
Comment Written 03-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2013
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thank you so much for your review.