Wicked Witch and The Forest Fairy
kid's poem6 total reviews
Comment from fimarie78
Fabulous! What a lovely story. This will make a wonderful children's book. 'erpity slurp'= great refrain. The description of the broth ingredients was a humorous opening. I loved your characters Lavender and songbell. I would miss out the ending from alas. leaving the little ones with nice thoughts and no scary witches in their dreams. well done Fiona
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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Fabulous! What a lovely story. This will make a wonderful children's book. 'erpity slurp'= great refrain. The description of the broth ingredients was a humorous opening. I loved your characters Lavender and songbell. I would miss out the ending from alas. leaving the little ones with nice thoughts and no scary witches in their dreams. well done Fiona
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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Thank you for your review
Comment from rosehill (Wendy)
Well, I liked the story line and the inclusion of a variety of creatures, colors, and the moral: kindness creates friendships which can save you. But there is no rhyme, and despite the fact that the prompt did not call for it, children do. This is just a story with a few convoluted phrases to make it appear poetic. I do like that the Witch losing her cackle, the nature inspired names and "urpity slurp" rolls nicely off the tongue as a menacing, yet not too scary, chant. I just think you missed the boat with this one as a children's poem, but I'm pretty darn sure it did, or will, make Dean Kuch smile and it would be great to see it fleshed out into a children's story. Lots of good characters here. - Wendy
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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Well, I liked the story line and the inclusion of a variety of creatures, colors, and the moral: kindness creates friendships which can save you. But there is no rhyme, and despite the fact that the prompt did not call for it, children do. This is just a story with a few convoluted phrases to make it appear poetic. I do like that the Witch losing her cackle, the nature inspired names and "urpity slurp" rolls nicely off the tongue as a menacing, yet not too scary, chant. I just think you missed the boat with this one as a children's poem, but I'm pretty darn sure it did, or will, make Dean Kuch smile and it would be great to see it fleshed out into a children's story. Lots of good characters here. - Wendy
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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Thanks
Comment from rspoet
Excellent. A fine fairy tale with a mean, old, ugly witch; a fairy and a fairy king to boot. Lavender is a great name for the fairy.
I like the color presentation with green on black. Good erpity slurp as well.
Nice job
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2015
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Excellent. A fine fairy tale with a mean, old, ugly witch; a fairy and a fairy king to boot. Lavender is a great name for the fairy.
I like the color presentation with green on black. Good erpity slurp as well.
Nice job
Comment Written 14-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2015
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Thank you
Comment from thomdble
That is quite some adventure. I'm sure Lavender will win out in the next battle too. Nicely done. The images all can enter that magical playground of a child's mind. I am sure the child could paint you a picture just by reading your magical words. Thank you for the wonderment of imagination.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2015
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That is quite some adventure. I'm sure Lavender will win out in the next battle too. Nicely done. The images all can enter that magical playground of a child's mind. I am sure the child could paint you a picture just by reading your magical words. Thank you for the wonderment of imagination.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2015
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Thank you for your review
Comment from Cindy Warren
That's cute. I'm sure the kids will love it. One small thing, where the forest creatures stay by the fairies side, fairies should be fairies' if it is collective plural or fairy's if it just refers to Lavender. I wasn't sure which it was.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2015
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That's cute. I'm sure the kids will love it. One small thing, where the forest creatures stay by the fairies side, fairies should be fairies' if it is collective plural or fairy's if it just refers to Lavender. I wasn't sure which it was.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2015
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Thank you for your review
Comment from Pyrrho
All child's tales must have happy endings and the poor witch is sad ... such is a no-no. Make her happy with an addendum; Ho, Ho.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2015
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All child's tales must have happy endings and the poor witch is sad ... such is a no-no. Make her happy with an addendum; Ho, Ho.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2015
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Alas! the witch vows to keep stirring her witches brew, making it stronger than before.-just added-thank you for your review.