Reflections Of Color
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Wandering Minstrel"A collection of my All-Time Best rated song lyrics
30 total reviews
Comment from Chrissy710
I like this Brett, I read it a couple of times to get the feel of the words and then had a smile, as I wondered how many girls in how many towns, for a 'wandering minstrel ' . A Good story with a good ending. Good luck in the contest. Cheers Christineð???
reply by the author on 29-May-2015
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I like this Brett, I read it a couple of times to get the feel of the words and then had a smile, as I wondered how many girls in how many towns, for a 'wandering minstrel ' . A Good story with a good ending. Good luck in the contest. Cheers Christineð???
Comment Written 29-May-2015
reply by the author on 29-May-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support.
Comment from Pantygynt
The sailor has a wife vin every port and the musician has one at every gig. The last couplet says it all. It's a lonely life on the road on a tour of one night stands. It all seems so glamorous to those on the outside looking in. But for those looking out it is just a little different. First rate C&W lyric - again!
reply by the author on 29-May-2015
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The sailor has a wife vin every port and the musician has one at every gig. The last couplet says it all. It's a lonely life on the road on a tour of one night stands. It all seems so glamorous to those on the outside looking in. But for those looking out it is just a little different. First rate C&W lyric - again!
Comment Written 29-May-2015
reply by the author on 29-May-2015
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Thanks for your comments and continued support.
Comment from Stacia Ann
I love the title of this, so thought I'd take a look:)
It's visually very nice, the background color working well with the image of the guitar.
LOL at the end! Typical musician:)
You captured here very well, however, the emotional suggestibility of an artist--musicians have this reputation of "love 'em and leave 'em," but it might work both ways, after all, and perhaps it is that openness to love and its possibilities that create the artist.
Something to consider for revision:
what do you think about your verbs and their tenses? A story--and this is a story, a narrative, in a poem--is told in either the past tense or the present; either is okay, but there should be some consistency. This poem seems to jump back and forth between the two tenses. You start off in past tense:
"I played my guitar on Saturday night
at a Package Show in Atlanta
and the crowd was right..."
and then later switch to present with
"Song Number Seven sure tears me apart.
My mind starts its wandering and that's
when my teardrops start..."
and then there are a few more switches back and forth.
Is there a reason for the back and forth? You might consider more consistency in revision.
Otherwise, nice poem! Thanks for sharing.
Stacia
reply by the author on 28-May-2015
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I love the title of this, so thought I'd take a look:)
It's visually very nice, the background color working well with the image of the guitar.
LOL at the end! Typical musician:)
You captured here very well, however, the emotional suggestibility of an artist--musicians have this reputation of "love 'em and leave 'em," but it might work both ways, after all, and perhaps it is that openness to love and its possibilities that create the artist.
Something to consider for revision:
what do you think about your verbs and their tenses? A story--and this is a story, a narrative, in a poem--is told in either the past tense or the present; either is okay, but there should be some consistency. This poem seems to jump back and forth between the two tenses. You start off in past tense:
"I played my guitar on Saturday night
at a Package Show in Atlanta
and the crowd was right..."
and then later switch to present with
"Song Number Seven sure tears me apart.
My mind starts its wandering and that's
when my teardrops start..."
and then there are a few more switches back and forth.
Is there a reason for the back and forth? You might consider more consistency in revision.
Otherwise, nice poem! Thanks for sharing.
Stacia
Comment Written 28-May-2015
reply by the author on 28-May-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support. Appreciate them very much.
Comment from CR Delport
So do traveling musicians also have a girl in every city, or port, like the sailors? :) This is very well written. Good luck in the contest.
Take care.
Christelle.
reply by the author on 28-May-2015
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So do traveling musicians also have a girl in every city, or port, like the sailors? :) This is very well written. Good luck in the contest.
Take care.
Christelle.
Comment Written 28-May-2015
reply by the author on 28-May-2015
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Some of them do yes. Some of them do not. Appreciate your comments.
Comment from K. Lorraine
The poem wasn't great, but it was all right...
The story did flow nicely from line to line...
But I think I would have used the contest prompt to end the poem...
There were some tense problems that threw me off a bit...
But all -in-all, you accomplished something that I find very challenging, and that is writing a poem of any length that rhymes.
Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
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The poem wasn't great, but it was all right...
The story did flow nicely from line to line...
But I think I would have used the contest prompt to end the poem...
There were some tense problems that threw me off a bit...
But all -in-all, you accomplished something that I find very challenging, and that is writing a poem of any length that rhymes.
Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-May-2015
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
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Thanks,.
Comment from visionary1234
This is very C & W - your area of expertise, naturally, Brett. It would be great to hear it sung. As a piece of poetry, it would be good to hop in and iron out some of the metrical inconsistencies which make it more of a song (you can make up for extra beats etc in music - I've done it myself) and less of a poem. eg: compare:
By song Number Ten I want to go home.
DA DUH DA DA DUM DA DUM DA DA DUM
When the show was over I want to die
DA DA DUM DA DUM DA DA DUM DA DUM
Mean girl she was!!! A fun piece! (He's better off without her of course)
:)Sharyn
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
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This is very C & W - your area of expertise, naturally, Brett. It would be great to hear it sung. As a piece of poetry, it would be good to hop in and iron out some of the metrical inconsistencies which make it more of a song (you can make up for extra beats etc in music - I've done it myself) and less of a poem. eg: compare:
By song Number Ten I want to go home.
DA DUH DA DA DUM DA DUM DA DA DUM
When the show was over I want to die
DA DA DUM DA DUM DA DA DUM DA DUM
Mean girl she was!!! A fun piece! (He's better off without her of course)
:)Sharyn
Comment Written 27-May-2015
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
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Thanks for your comments.
Comment from Carole Rosa
To the author of "Wandering Minstrel". "WIPE OUT"!! You must be as old as I am. I used to dance to it and yell "Wipe Out!" with the rest of the dancing fools back in the day. Great poem. Good luck in the contest. My vote is for you. Carole
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
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To the author of "Wandering Minstrel". "WIPE OUT"!! You must be as old as I am. I used to dance to it and yell "Wipe Out!" with the rest of the dancing fools back in the day. Great poem. Good luck in the contest. My vote is for you. Carole
Comment Written 27-May-2015
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
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Thanks for your comments. Appreciate them very much.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Very well composed and good rhyme - just when I was starting to sympathise with this person's broken heart, or so I thought - he travels on and has another girl waiting somewhere. Sounds like one in every port. Life goes on just as the show must go on. Good Luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
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Very well composed and good rhyme - just when I was starting to sympathise with this person's broken heart, or so I thought - he travels on and has another girl waiting somewhere. Sounds like one in every port. Life goes on just as the show must go on. Good Luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 27-May-2015
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support.
Comment from A TARNISHED KNIGHT
A wander minstrel you are... a lonely one at that..The story was a good one about the show must go on...I did feel however that many of the lines perhaps were drawn out a bit to long.. In doing so it made the flow hit a lot of still water...It maybe just the way I was reading which caused the rapids to slow...
TK
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
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A wander minstrel you are... a lonely one at that..The story was a good one about the show must go on...I did feel however that many of the lines perhaps were drawn out a bit to long.. In doing so it made the flow hit a lot of still water...It maybe just the way I was reading which caused the rapids to slow...
TK
Comment Written 27-May-2015
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support.
Comment from Bill Schott
That's the way to end a country song. You broke my poor old pea-pickin' heart. Lucky I got a gal in the next town. Butterfly boy for sure. Funny.
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
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That's the way to end a country song. You broke my poor old pea-pickin' heart. Lucky I got a gal in the next town. Butterfly boy for sure. Funny.
Comment Written 27-May-2015
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support.