The Porch Lady
Watching an old lady19 total reviews
Comment from bard owl
Old humans often live within their memories. It is all they have of a life they lived -
memories they can put themselves in and live in day to day. Your poem flows very smoothly from beginning to end. The imagery was quite clear - I could see the elderly woman in a rocking chair on her front porch, reliving life. I always enjoy rhyme. Excellent read. Blessings, Linda
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Old humans often live within their memories. It is all they have of a life they lived -
memories they can put themselves in and live in day to day. Your poem flows very smoothly from beginning to end. The imagery was quite clear - I could see the elderly woman in a rocking chair on her front porch, reliving life. I always enjoy rhyme. Excellent read. Blessings, Linda
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Thank you very much for the wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from Sefiros
I know that sometimes the fantasy is better than reality; half my time i spend trying to convince Anakin Skywalker not to turn to the dark side. It's also terrible that the younger generation instantly goes to the nursing home because they are too uncomfortable walking on eggshells around old people. Granted, this woman shouldn't be alone, but there has to be a better solution. Nice job.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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I know that sometimes the fantasy is better than reality; half my time i spend trying to convince Anakin Skywalker not to turn to the dark side. It's also terrible that the younger generation instantly goes to the nursing home because they are too uncomfortable walking on eggshells around old people. Granted, this woman shouldn't be alone, but there has to be a better solution. Nice job.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from amahra
I love the line, "her memories keep her company" and that's so true. I live alone and many times my deep thoughts make me feel I'm not alone. But, I'm not lonely or in need of a nursing home. But I love it when writing touches on the realism of life.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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I love the line, "her memories keep her company" and that's so true. I live alone and many times my deep thoughts make me feel I'm not alone. But, I'm not lonely or in need of a nursing home. But I love it when writing touches on the realism of life.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Thank you for the wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from alexisleech
I think we're all that woman at certain times, especially if we now live alone. I've just got back from grocery shopping, and I made a point of chatting to the lady I sat next to on the bus on the way there, and the lady who was sitting at the bus stop as I waited for the bus to come back. Amazing! I now feel totally invigorated because both conversations were so interesting!
One of the most impacting lines in your poem to me was
'To her life's still worthwhile.' As long as it is, whatever other people think doesn't matter. The lady at the bus stop was suffering from depression because her daughter had bought her a small house, and she doesn't know any of her new neighbours. Communication with the outside world is so important when you find yourself alone after your family grows up. Removing someone from their memories, however practical, is not the way to go. Your poem makes that point so well!
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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I think we're all that woman at certain times, especially if we now live alone. I've just got back from grocery shopping, and I made a point of chatting to the lady I sat next to on the bus on the way there, and the lady who was sitting at the bus stop as I waited for the bus to come back. Amazing! I now feel totally invigorated because both conversations were so interesting!
One of the most impacting lines in your poem to me was
'To her life's still worthwhile.' As long as it is, whatever other people think doesn't matter. The lady at the bus stop was suffering from depression because her daughter had bought her a small house, and she doesn't know any of her new neighbours. Communication with the outside world is so important when you find yourself alone after your family grows up. Removing someone from their memories, however practical, is not the way to go. Your poem makes that point so well!
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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I know I am that woman most of the time. My children are getting older and that ugly thought of the empty nest is looming. Thank you for the wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from Nosha17
Yes, when people get older and a bit forgetful and they live alone, people do worry understandably. The memories are many, which may be joyful or sad. Good use of rhyming and imagery to convey your thoughts. In verse 4, off of is a clumsy turn of phrase which may be used in spoken language but is usually frowned upon in written language. You could say, wipes hand prints from the coloured walls. Enjoyable read. Faye
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Yes, when people get older and a bit forgetful and they live alone, people do worry understandably. The memories are many, which may be joyful or sad. Good use of rhyming and imagery to convey your thoughts. In verse 4, off of is a clumsy turn of phrase which may be used in spoken language but is usually frowned upon in written language. You could say, wipes hand prints from the coloured walls. Enjoyable read. Faye
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Thank you so much for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from Pantygynt
This is a delightful portrait of a womane in the vening of her life, but still finding it a pleasurable and even fulfilling experience. She seems happy with her memories because she is in her own home and we know she will fight to keep it so and not go into one of those depressing care homes desired by her well wishers. The poem feels as if it has a regular rhythm, tetrametric we call it but it is not a hundred percent so. That is a comment not a criticism. In the 5th stanza there is an abrupt reduction in line length to a trimetric rhythm as the idea of the care home is mooted and one can sense her disapproval of the idea as the regularity of the meter dis integrates in the final stanza. An excellent match of form and content.
Sometimes such matches are intentional and if this is the case congratulations are in order. Sometimes they occur accidentally but if this is the case it gives you an idea to play with intentionally on some future occasion. Matching the mood to the form can be fun.
By the way, one little niggle: S4,L3 "off of" is quite common in spoken English but is not good grammar and should be avoided in written work unles it is part of a piece of firect speech; the "of" is uneccessary; if that extra beat is needed to keep the rhythm going, as it is here, may I respectfully suggest you change it to "from off" which is grammatically sound.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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This is a delightful portrait of a womane in the vening of her life, but still finding it a pleasurable and even fulfilling experience. She seems happy with her memories because she is in her own home and we know she will fight to keep it so and not go into one of those depressing care homes desired by her well wishers. The poem feels as if it has a regular rhythm, tetrametric we call it but it is not a hundred percent so. That is a comment not a criticism. In the 5th stanza there is an abrupt reduction in line length to a trimetric rhythm as the idea of the care home is mooted and one can sense her disapproval of the idea as the regularity of the meter dis integrates in the final stanza. An excellent match of form and content.
Sometimes such matches are intentional and if this is the case congratulations are in order. Sometimes they occur accidentally but if this is the case it gives you an idea to play with intentionally on some future occasion. Matching the mood to the form can be fun.
By the way, one little niggle: S4,L3 "off of" is quite common in spoken English but is not good grammar and should be avoided in written work unles it is part of a piece of firect speech; the "of" is uneccessary; if that extra beat is needed to keep the rhythm going, as it is here, may I respectfully suggest you change it to "from off" which is grammatically sound.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from misscookie
I have no porch to sit in but memories a lot. I sit and think about those good old days a lot. I ask my children not to put me in a nursing home for I will die before my time
I thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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I have no porch to sit in but memories a lot. I sit and think about those good old days a lot. I ask my children not to put me in a nursing home for I will die before my time
I thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
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You're very welcome and you and yours have a nice day.
Cookie
Comment from LIJ Red
A fine portrait, and an excellent post. But as an old meddler, I see lines I would have written differently. This is just my opinion, feel free to ignore me.
wipes hand prints off of colored walls
that are now just painted white
I would say as
wipes hand prints off colored walls
that now are painted white
Her neighbors are concerned
they worry and they fret
it isn't safe for her alone
a nursing home, her best bet
Her neighbors are concerned
it isn't safe for her alone
they worry and they fret
her best bet's a nursing home (yes the rhyme's softer)
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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A fine portrait, and an excellent post. But as an old meddler, I see lines I would have written differently. This is just my opinion, feel free to ignore me.
wipes hand prints off of colored walls
that are now just painted white
I would say as
wipes hand prints off colored walls
that now are painted white
Her neighbors are concerned
they worry and they fret
it isn't safe for her alone
a nursing home, her best bet
Her neighbors are concerned
it isn't safe for her alone
they worry and they fret
her best bet's a nursing home (yes the rhyme's softer)
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hey there Gretchen
This is such a superb poem. It reminds me of my Mother. There at the end, she would sit and reminisce of her life and family. I have become my mother methinks because my memories are what keeps me going. The older I get, the less the family comes around. We have to go to them because they are so busy. Nicely done my friend
Bear
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Hey there Gretchen
This is such a superb poem. It reminds me of my Mother. There at the end, she would sit and reminisce of her life and family. I have become my mother methinks because my memories are what keeps me going. The older I get, the less the family comes around. We have to go to them because they are so busy. Nicely done my friend
Bear
Comment Written 26-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Thank you for the personal review. I love that I have touched on something that someone can understand. Gretchen
Comment from Misrael
I could just about see what she was doing the way you described what was done. This was a good story poem and you painted a good word picture. Keep on writing.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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I could just about see what she was doing the way you described what was done. This was a good story poem and you painted a good word picture. Keep on writing.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Thank you for the wonderful review. Gretchen